Sr. had me jumping already in that she called me down to meet concerning one of the DSPs she’s displeased with and then I had to spruce up some notes I’d taken for her on an Advisory Board meeting. That didn’t seem to be much problem … just a few moments. There was a little problem with one of the parents who is new and wants to walk her daughter down to the group’s room … sister made sure she knew that wasn’t really doable. Too many people come in the door to not have the halls more protected … if it weren’t parents it would be drivers or anyone else who came in. Usually, the secretary opens the door, but before she gets here, Sr. places a client or two at the door. They are good, but not able to withstand a pushy parent. Just have to work the system proper.
That’s about all of work I really want to do. Maybe though that is the subject we should be doing. We talked to Dr. Marvin about it last night. Well, at least to the degree we could feel like talking to anybody about not wanting to talk to anyone. We were a little crying-like in his office, and then we got home and we were crying-like there. As soon as you say that term more authoritative … someone within us screams “I WAS NOT CRYING!” Shh, shh…
That’s not the point. Thing is that things were hard for us. I think the scales could have tipped either way with Rich, because he’d just gone shopping and someone asked if we got any ice cream and that would make her feel better. But, Rich said no that he’d gone to the store without single servings. She quickly pointed out that was the third time in a row … and the tears started all over ago and lasted over an hour. I remember too that we were hiding behind a pillow for a long time and it wasn’t until much later that someone came out because Rich had come closer to the couch and was folding T-shirts wrong.
He was pretty nice and understanding as those kinds of things go. I don’t know if we ever got to a part of figuring things out, but I do know we talked about work and the boys at Dr. Marvin’s. At some point, someone through in we didn’t catch any fish, but that seemed to be a mute point … just something that helped tipped the scales.
I think Dr. Marvin believes we can do the CARF work, but that if we don’t – it won’t get done. The boys hit us at a different emotional distance. I think that was the intolerable point of no return. We were remembering one offense after another from one and then we’d turn and we were feeling it from the other. Dr. Marvin said that they are inconsiderate and that we were going to need putting some emotional “safety” in-between. He didn’t use that word, but pretty much it was like we are going to have to take care of ourselves and not take things personally when they have problems.
I really don’t think we’re doing anything because so little happens between us over time. I think they need someone to dump on and that’s us … I remember saying something to Dr. Marvin about wanting to crawl into a ball and dying. He seems to want us not to retreat – just move out of the way. Its tricky stuff though because we don’t feel able to do what he wants. We feel small and over-powered. Right now we’ve only got Dr. Marvin and Rich that is going well enough … and Rich always feels shaky. Yesterday he had someone from the State come in to do something of an investigation to the cards. He didn’t know it, but the dealers were supposed to be on the volunteer list. I thought the dealers were paid by the poker people. I’m thinking Rich thought the same. There wasn’t a clue on that one. He put in a call to the poker people, but I don’t know if they’ve called back yet. Probably not. I really hope that all turns out well.
Rich said that because of that we were in violation most likely … nothing seems real sure, but I’m not sure if that’s just Rich’s interpretation. We asked him what was going to happen. He said that it was between most likely a fine or becoming a felon. I’m like no what’s going to happen. We weren’t registering. We were hearing the word felon, but we didn’t want to do that to our brain. Right now it’s a struggle. We’ve seen other people going through that sort of stuff, but we just can’t believe that’s going to happen to Rich and Rich and me. Most likely we’d both go under. Sister would have to let go of Rich and I’d probably end up going with him especially after CARF.
We talked about it to Dr. Marvin only a little because it was too much to handle. We were closing down and we were at that space where we’re just staring and don’t seem to be processing anything except that black space in front of us. We’re just not doing real good with all our life.
Hmm, Rich just came in when Imelda did … Sister is going to have her shred a bunch of old records so we asked Rich if he would move the shredder for her. She was going to lift it and it was like … yeeks! No I don’t think so! It means that our meeting is going to start up … the
posted by Ann Marie @ 4/09/2010 12:34:00 PM
Comments: 1
