This is like a Sunday ... One day to unwind a bit
Good moring. This is me reporting in face forward front or whatever I might say to let you know that I am writing directly to my blog this morning with no other filtering to such and such a person or other medium. *Giggle* Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. It is Sunday at about 6:45 am. I’m home and Rich is still fishing. He will be home later this evening. I have a full cup of hot coffee and the kitties are probably going to have to accept no more free rides this morning. I’m going to need all of my body free for typing. HA! It’s a little chilly outside, but I’m good to go.
Hmm, wouldn’t it be a good idea if someone took their medicine too? Grrrr… Ok, ok … shhhh let’s all be cooperative this morning too AND we should figure out soon if there are a couple more medicines to be picking up. Basically, the celbrex and provigil. Especially the provigil, because that one helps us with clear-headed thinking, hmm?
Ok, that’s done too as is the washroom, plus there’s a kitty that’s been additionally petted and a blankey wrapped around us. ANYthing else? Like to get started, ya know? Ok, good … Let’s try.
First thing then is to set up my extra screen … remember the first days we used to do that? Back when we first got the double screens and everything had to be just so so we could glance over and see everything at once? Now the screens are pretty simple. On the left screen are the recruit message board home page for June 6th graduation and my blog opened to the three pictures of the hotel including fireplace. Also a small section for my buddy list. Then on the right side there is just this Word Doc and the Yahoo messenger. We keep it open just in case Lynn should happen by. Ya never know. Looks like someone had the OneNote open too so we must have been over at the OH site (Obesity Help). My memory of that is that we didn’t put much into that. I think we left it up in the background for a while while we typed a letter to Iraq/Afghan. Then it got closed down when we checked the MP.com Board. *Sigh*
Another thing I saw open was the Snag-it program … I’m being reminded that as a system we bought a phone. We might as well come clean with that right away. Let’s get the info on that.
Ok, here’s the scoop of what we did. Basically – we’re going to probably get in trouble with Rich, but we switched up. My mother and John covered the cost of the hotel, and we spent that money on getting a new Moto Q 9c phone, plus the Everything plan from Sprint. We pay about $20 more for the service and it’s a break even at the cost. We were very upset that the phone itself cost more than they had stated on the up-front promotional, but the actual end cost was exactly by $1 the cost of the hotel. So that’s that. What we are getting is a pretty phenomenal deal. Let me put it out … hold on.
I don’t know if you are taking the time to read all that, but it is a very sweet deal. Or, so it seems J . It takes over where my PDA left off. Mainly because it has the functions of the Windows Mobile 6 software, which means it has the Microsoft Office Pack Programs built in including Word, Spreadsheets, AND of course Outlook.
That’s one that I have to seriously look into. I need to get back to putting things on schedules again. I am loosing too much time to unproductivty. It also includes PDA, TV, radio, email, Internet, camera, texting and all that sort of stuff.
Basically, it can do about everything, but wash the dishes. But, we got a dishwasher to do that … Oh and it makes phone calls … EVEN calls through voice activation. It’s a sweet sweet little handset. I’m really looking forward to getting it. If time allows today and I think it must – I’m going to start reading the manual … it’s about 183 pages – looks like easy pages, but I need to get a good idea how it all works, because it should be here no later than Wed/Thurs, and I’m goin to want to get it up and running. JUST because its so gosh darn cool … Isn’t it?!!
I know … then there is Rich. Not sure what to do with that part. But, that’s another matter. Basically though the way we figure is that The $400 that my Mother and John saved is the savings that I put in … though it maybe could and should go to Rich – there’s the part where I’m thinking that Thom is going to be on a phone and I wanted long distance anytime … that’s where all this started. Then all the extras started feeding the monster inside of me. Did I remember to tell you it has a 7 hour battery life? Man oh man … I know there is already a D version and I’ve got the C version, but for that we’ll just have to deal with it. I went with the best deal I thought I could get at the time.
Ok, with all that said and done … time to be moving on. It’s 8 am now. We just got a refill on coffee and a yogurt for breakfast … so far so good on the diet … We did great yesterday on day one and we woke up and weighed ourselves at 313.6 this morning. WooHOOO! Maybe we are going to hit 310, plus some security by Thursday.
I sure do hope so. The first day or two there was bound to be a big difference.
Just getting rid of some of the waste from over the trip. I went the entire MN part without having a you know what movement. I was pretty bloated by the end. I think it was nerves mainly. And, there was some apprehension in sharing washrooms with my son. Rich and I are used to each other by now, but I still get embarrassed by that sort of thing. I thought maybe I could do something in a public washroom, but I was pretty tied up. OOOOK that’s enough of that … We’re all good now and feel much better, thank you very much :)
Rich called again last night. He talked for a few moments, but not very much. He mentioned something that had happened at work this week where two of his employees had gotten upset with each other and it had gone to personnel. Fortunately, this time Rich came out squeaky clean. That’s always nice. Most of the problems originate with one of his Production coordinators. I never really like to hear those stories. I had a hard time with him when I was working with JVS because I was the other Production coordinator and I believe he felt me a threat – especially, because I was a female. But, we’re certainly not going into that now. Bottom line is that he’s been a thorn forever and I hate that Sweetie is always having to deal with him. Makes him grumbly. If he’s on a fishing trip he shouldn’t have to be thinking of this guy’s being a idiot.
Otherwise … he said that it was colder in the morning, but it had warmed up through the day. He said his partner caught the second largest box fish … so that was a good thing. Rich caught a couple fish, but no keepers. He was excited though. He caught one big 5 pound fish. I forgot what he called it. I never heard of it before. But, a five pound fish is a five pound fish. I guess it was a challenge to be bringing in. SO GOOD FOR SWEETIE!!!!
He said that he had played cards, but he got out of the game rather quickly … he bet it all on one hand early in the game and someone drew from the deck. I don’t think it upset him too bad. He had to take care of something with his rods and reels for the next day and he had to do something cooking wise I think … not remembering now.
But, he said he was going to bed early. I think it’s been pretty windy out there.
He says that it’s a lot of fishing and he’s got to get those muscles in shape. He touched with the monotony of it, but he said that in a loving way. God Bless fishy people.
Hmm, just looking at some of the close-up pictures over at the blog. I left a note over there to remind people to click on the pictures to get the close-ups. It really is a nice feature of the blog to be able to do so. They are wonderful shots. I can’t figure out though why every time I smile I close my eyes in a squinty way so it looks like I can’t see or that I don’t have eyes. It further complicates that my face looks so porky. I hate to say it like that, but it is true. I guess if there has to be a before and after shot … might as well be that way, but it is unfortunate that others have to really see me that way. I guess maybe they can appreciate that there will be a difference. Just I hate to be seen so negatively. Not saying they are looking at me badly, but they can’t be thinking that I look healthy and well either. I note when people are too big or have tummy “pouches,” why wouldn’t they … and I’m much bigger than that.
Yesterday though when I wrote Thom I figured some stuff out on one of his pages.
Basically, I’m going to be eating … It’s about 650 calories.
60 yogurt – breakfast
0 coffee – breakfast
30 V-8 snack
180 Slim-fast
10 Jello
30 V-8 snak
180 Slim-fast
116 cottage cheese
40 fudgicle
So, we figured in 18 days – from now to surgery … Um, I don’t think I mentioned that … I have a surgery date of Wednesday, May 14, 2008, which as of yesterday was 18 days away. Anyway at 18 days times 3500 calories a day, I could legimately figuratively take in 63,000 calories between now and then. But, I am shooting for 18 days x 650 calories = 11,700. So, the difference is a loss of 51,300 and if you divide that by 3,500 … you get about a loss of 14.7 pounds I could theoretically lose between now and 18 days. I started at 316.7 and today I’m at 313 something so the goal is to be at 299 on the day of surgery. That will be then down about 37 pounds as my top weight … You remember that unfortunate weigh in about December? Yeeks! It does seem I’ve been hold 316 pretty good now for a while. Thing in this next week and beyond is to go below it.
I just ran into an old friend from OH by the name of Sam. He’s just starting a divorce and moving and all, but his last note was that since the last time we’ve talked he’s lost 62 pounds … probably been about 3-4 months. It’s a lot of weight.
I think the first month you lose about 30-50 pounds. I will have about 3 weeks between the surgery and seeing Thom. That means about 22-35 pounds difference … So at goal I should weigh about 265-278. I will look a LOT different already. Haven’t been at those weights for a long time. I was at the OH chat yesterday and they say best thing to do is follow the doctors advise in drinking a lot of water and walking. So, that will be the goal. I called Sr. Theresa already and said that I will be off the 18 days of May 14 – June 6th – plus weekends that’s a total of 24 days – 5 of which will be in California WOOHOO!!! It’s going to be tight with recovery, but I couldn’t have planned it any better in all reality. I could think I wanted it sooner, but then it would have interfered with the funeral. God’s watching my back. The call for the date came in just 1 mile past dropping Joe off from the trip. What are the coincidences that it could happen that smoothly that one trip would end while another journey began?
So now there is 17 days to prepare … best I can do is be eating right and I SHOULD be getting some exercising. Need to figure that all out. It’s my week spot right now. This weekend I got home and even right now … and all I want to do is the writing. I’ve got a lot to be getting thought though … and I have some responsibilities to be taking care of. Yesterday, I wrote a nice long letter to Thom, I wrote a letter to one of his friends, I wrote a couple of messages to the board, I posted four things to the blog, and I wrote a letter to one of the Marines in Iraq/Afghan. Today, I wanted to write to the blog, write on the board more, write to the other Marine and Recruit and if possible send another note to Thom, at least do it by tomorrow morning. I have to remember Rich is coming home tonight, AND I have to give some time to reading phone instructions. So, those are my goals.
There is one thing that I haven’t written much about at all. And, that is about the death of my Grandmother. I don’t know and I might not figure out that for quite a while. My next appointment with Dr. Marvin has been rescheduled to Tuesday at about 5 pm, and on Thursday I will be meeting with the Surgeon and Rich about … shoot the information doesn’t show. Now I don’t know for sure what the time is I thought it was at 5 pm. I’m going to need call back and confirm. The only date listed is something on the 8th at 11 am. Maybe that date was changed … it would not be this week, but next week the week prior to surgery. Shoot it’s going to happen fast.
Ok, girls settle down. We can do this … just gotta take one step at a time.
Breathe!
Ok, and maybe we should skip to another subject now too. We’ve had about enough of that now haven’t we? Hmm, one more thing … we need to see if we can schedule an extra meeting with Dr. Marvin to arrange time to figure out what we’re going to do with the medicines. I wonder if we’re going to need doing the same with Dr. Albright. I think that the medicines have to be either crushed or taken in a liquid form and some of them might be lessoned or stopped like the diabetes medicines. I would feel a lot more confident if I new where the diabetes test thing was … and now I see in the mail there was some problem with my management of Walgreens Care of the Cpap and Wheel Chair accounts – I think … I’ll have to get right on that on Monday morning. That will be like an impossible thing to lose. I won’t want to give those up. Better talk to Dr. Marvin about the medicine right away though … he’ll know what to do … I just ordered some too. But, I guess by about then we’ll have to be doing something? Operation May 14th. We’ll be in the hospital about 3 days on the 17th and Reorder time is the 20th … So we’re pretty on time with a new set of prescriptions. Ok, so we can stop worrying about that. Maybe we could get in to see Dr. Albright – we’ll see, we’ll see. I know it is she who should be deciding on the medical medicines – and Dr. Marvin the psychiatric medicines. No, I don’t know how much of each now that I’m taking. I might figure that out in a day or two though. I can do it, right?
I think I skipped right over the part where I was going to think about my Grandmother. I guess I’m doing that again. I remember seeing her casket by itself (and with people), but mostly by itself, but as if she were overseeing the events that were happening during the wakes. She was still in command of the family. At the time it was to go up and see her one last time … the line for immediate family was too long – I had to make a choice between there and the family gathering for the prayer. I took the prayer, because I felt I’d made my peace with my grandmother.
There were no tears, with the exception of those in recognition that she was a good grandma with Steve on the other side. I didn’t want to think of the parts with my Grandfather, but it was inevitable. There was only one picture of him with her at an older age, and one portrait picture of them both at an earlier age – graduation or wedding, I’m not sure. I didn’t like the person I saw when I looked at my Grandfather, and it made me nervous to look at my Grandmother.
I don’t know what all happened during the younger years of her and him raising a family. I rarely hear those kind of stories. I don’t want to hear them at this point. I think that my Grandmother knew things of my Grandfather that weren’t beneficial to my well-being and know she is gone and with her all those truths that may have been known. They are all buried with her and to them all I say good-bye.
The remaining parts of the abuse will be buried with my mother and then myself. I leave very little of the abuse stories for my boys. They know that I was abused, but there is little to say much more. It’s not the same to say I’m hiding it, it’s more to say its done and over. I stopped the cycle of abuse with them. The abuse was a dark cycle in their history. I don’t know if it was perpetuated in the cousins. I hear some stories of cousins who are doing ok with their kids and others who have had their problems.
Joe and I did a lot of talking. We talked about the cousins coming of age and of Steve in particular taking over leadership of the family. In a sense Wes is now “leader,” but his time is minimalized with his lack of responsibility he’s taken over the last 25 years. I’m not sure how he’s stepped in and out of his children’s life, but he has looked after only “his.” The Bendickson family and the Ludfords, and Butch’s have each looked after themselves, even though at least the first two were failing. It seems there were some troubles in the Butch’s in that he too was divorced and his daughter is getting a divorce from a drunk. So some family traits may have repeated themselves. I did get a chance to see my Uncle Merlin … he showed very little signs of life, but I’m very glad to have met him. He was as much a part of my growing up in his quietness as my other uncles in their protrusions. I’m glad he was there. He was Marsha’s Dad and Aunt Joyce’s husband. We still don’t know what has happened to Jane, but there wasn’t enough opportunity to even ask. I have been given links now to the family so maybe we’ll start to find out.
It seems there will be connections made and I think it will come through the leaderships of Steve, myself, Cary and Todd and maybe Marsha. I don’t know where Deb will stand, but I think she wants to play a part – and I believe as Connie Sue gets better, she’ll want to play a part too, no matter how difficult that may be.
Cary has a relationship with Connie Sue and has already stated that connecting us two was a goal of hers. That seems worrisome though probably in logistics. It makes things easier, yet more complicated. I don’t know how to deal yet with the manipulativeness in the family. When it gets to the part of one party hurting or using the other for their own benefit I have to step out and say its not for me.
I’d like to think that I can put some good faith in Cary. She’s shown me no reason to doubt her so far. I think she’s an earnest person who’s gone through a lot.
And, her brother seems just a love!
Steve is still I think going to be leader, and he may be subsidized by Jay, but I don’t think – Kernel or not – Jay is going to lead. He may be very intelligent and a natural teacher and leader, but Steve has got the love and heart of the family.
Jay seems self-interested. I didn’t like the way we were cut off. Steve on the other hand, kept popping in at the right moments. I had a feeling that he was overseeing the events and most likely coming in to everyone’s situation as the needs arose. I think that he gets that from his mother. Aunt Judy also is a mother hen and watches out for others, particularly, like her husband they’ve been watching out for their own. Steve on the other hand has a wider circle of interest. He includes all the larger family as his own. That’s what makes him the better leader of the group.
I’m really hoping that he takes charge. I foresee though the first contact for us will be the one going through ourselves and Cary. I don’t know how long it will take her though to get back to Virginia. She seems to have a very busy life. Cary does something with retail and selling something, I don’t remember – souvenirs of some sort I think … she was talking about National landmarks. She seems middle management type, but solidly grounded. It’s hard to remember what everyone is doing. I think her brother Todd and his wife are both like draftsmen – one step below architects. They would need a couple of years school to do that and become their own firm. They do some really impressive work and are thinking of moving to Minneapolis because of all the family connections. I asked Cary if she would consider the move as well now that she’s getting a divorce and Todd’s considering and even Deb is moving, but she says that her boyfriend’s family is all rooted on the East coast so they would have to stay. And, with that she seemed pretty sure.
Cary was one of those strong female figures that I knew from the moment I saw her that I liked her and would get to know her more. To add the part that she was family!!! And, would always be a rich part of my life, was pretty unbelievable.
What a sparkling jewel! I can’t believe how lucky we are to have found her.
I don’t know, but I disclosed to her and maybe Marsha and maybe Kathy Jo? Seems like there were at least 3 times we were talking about being a multiple. I’m not sure … we were so giddy in talk and being able to relate – oh yes and there’s another relationship that’s going to be very good I think. I don’t remember her name, but Steve’s wife is very, very cool. You just look at her and think Wow I want to be her best friend! She’s very beautiful and very smart. She’s just earned her Masters which is a step beyond her CPA degree. I think it’s marvelous marvelous marvelous!!!! I hope so much for her. I can’t think more than how great it is that they worked it out between them for her to finish WHILE working and raising two boys, and being married. Wow! What a woman!
Poor Rich. He’s going to want to know about that phone, but shoot. Now all of a sudden I got a family that I want to connect to. I should connect to my mother, John, brother, sister and Deb. I want to connect to Cary and Todd, Steve, his wife, Kathy Jo, and Marsha. That’s going to be a lot of phone calls, emails and text messages if we play our cards right. Wouldn’t it be cool if we could become as mobile as the boys and their cousins? Wow wouldn’t it be neat! Sure, if the older ones hehhe we could call them that the “older ones” meaning my mother and hers, my uncles and theirs could connect as well, but the thing is to connect through the cousins and to start our own generational thing. I think we could do it. The interest seems to be in earnest. And, if nothing else came of the funeral for my Grandmother us all connected would be exactly what she would want. Well, maybe.
She seemed to be the connection before, but it was always this one was doing that one was doing. There was an unrest in calling people and unsettling the boat. Now, it’s like shoot … Steve is 50 and Todd’s about 36-37. We’re all old enough to know what we’re doing. We’re in our prime. WOOHOO!! Damn the tornadoes as Joe might indicate. He’s been in this discussion with us. He’s all for turning about the play and forgetting the old folks and getting into the business of cousin relating.
Wow! What a turn of the card.
Hmm, that probably means that sometime today that I should call Steve. That be the thing to do. I could tell him about the surgery too. That be something to say.
But, more or less we could just start the new habit of talking. Seems that we each have that ability. I don’t think that I’d be wasting his time. He seems earnestly interested in who I am.
WooHOOO… Already did it … I did it … Made the first call. I called Steve and Michelle. In general I talked to Michelle first and then Steve. From what loosely I can remember, we talked to Michelle about it being ok to call – it’s a little strange calling people the first time. We talked about our sons in the military, we talked about my writing, and her graduation, and we talked about getting to know the family. Then we talked to Steve. I told him what I thought about him being the leader of the family. We talked mostly in relationship to communication with the cousins. We talked a side conversation about intelligence. He told me about the Michelle’s new car and her graduation coming up on Friday. He said that their company will be gone mid-Sunday, so indicated after that on Sunday would be a good time to call. He also stated that he would be in Shell Lake the following Sunday and the weekend after that Michelle’s company was sending both he and Michelle to the Bahamas. We told Steve we’ imagine ourselves there with him, because we’d be in surgery the day before. I think the conversation – I should have looked better at the clock, but it took place sometime between 10:15 and 11:30 am just now.
Ok, good good … Now from what I remember from the communications conversation and running things down the line. Steve is the first one. He said that its always better to call. He’d much prefer talking and one or two paragraphs is about all he wants to read, unless it’s very important. He also stated that he doesn’t like to write … he does about 3 sentences maximum. Good information. He said that Deb can read, write and talk on the phone. He says he talks to her about once a month. Tom is quick on the phone and in writing – state your business and get on with it. He’s very busy with business – on the road and with giving attention to his family – wife and four kids. Kathy seems to enjoy talking and most likely can write. Steve says he talks to her all the time and that she’s just 3 miles away and that he kidnaps her youngest son Grant all the time and he takes him fishing. He read a really cool plaque given to him by Gant that made me want to cry it was so nice. I guess fishing is a healthy diversion for him to get his mind off of hockey.
Steve says that Scott doesn’t like to talk on the phone or write. I think that Deb his wife does most the communicating for him, but I don’t know her and their wishes to communicate. I think it has to come from Scott or not. I think I’ll leave that mostly up to Steve. Scott will be too centered on personal between he and my mother if he talks to us. But, one day too we’ll face that – if Joe is concerned maybe that will come up sooner than later. One thing Steve and us didn’t talk about was the 2nd generation cousins or great-grandchildren – the 22 kids (adults) that follow us – and actually the 3 that follow them. Maybe we’ll have to set some kind of net too for them to get to know one another.
Wow! I didn’t think of that. But, now looking at it and seeing how important it was for Joe to meet Meredith maybe that should be of more significance. 2nd gen cousins need time and opportunity to meet too. In this respect, I think Maury, Joe, Danny and Meredith need to show some leadership – Thom’s and Danny’s brother are away on military, but they and maybe Deb’s and Marsha’s sons may need opportunities to communicate. Well have to talk about that another time. In fact I think Cary’s kids are not too far behind. We need to see the family tree drawn by someone I heard, or create a new quick one, so I get an idea of the ages and what everyone is doing. I think Steve is going to be a leader … I’ll end up a secretarial role … and maybe Deb or Cary will take a secondary leader position. I’d just like to see that everyone is communicating. I don’t want anyone left out. That means me getting along with my sister as well. We told Steve that too. I will put her on the list now as most likely communicating through both talking on the phone and writing. I think that Steve is going to try contacting my sister. I will try contacting her after getting her number from Cary.
Next is Marsha. We’re assuming Marsha will be able to talk on the phone, we’re not sure if she writes, but we will need to find out. She is one of the reasons it is so important to start communicating … she’s lost both mother and grandmother and contact through them with the family and will now need a different bases of support. She looked very ready and more than willing to be a part of anything going on. I asked Steve about Jane though and he said only that she was divorced, a nurse, living in WI and appeared to Steve to be isolated sort of like an Aunt Alice. He said she didn’t even have contact with Marsha. But, then I had to think nothing strange of that … I had no contact with my siblings either. Steve’s policy as mine will be is to keep an open door. He confirmed that watching over everyone to assure things were going well was a natural position for him. I left a message on Marsha’s phone to call me when she gets a chance. I don’t know how she pays for long distance though, so I will have to watch for that. Maybe it’s better if I call her. We’ll see.
Last, is Cary and Todd. We didn’t talk about Todd too much, but we have to assume that Todd is a talker and a writer. Both Steve and I were impressed by his fancy mechanism he used to show his family pictures. It was really, really cool. He’s computer minded as they come. Plus, he’s shown an interest in being connected to the family as has Cary. Cary seems to be able to communicate through both phone and writing. Steve is going to make contact with her and probably I will as well early this next week when she gets back in town … I left her contact numbers/addresses down in the car, and Steve only has a business number. I will need to get Todd’s
numbers from Cary.
In general, then that leaves pretty much everyone able and most likely willing to communicate, with the exception of Jane, Scott and Tom. I think Scott and Tom might be held in the loop though through their wives. Tom’s wife Cheryl was real nice and seemed interested in getting to know people … she seemed the type to want to be in the loop. Not so sure I understand Scott’s wife Deb, but we are sure to give her a chance too … key though is with the relative first. I think that Todd might be able to help best define some computer space that we could each share. It would be nice to have some contact room. If nothing else, I will recommend that we have a blog at blogger … we need some place to leave notes and pictures. We’ll ask around as an agenda item. We can hardly wait for the new phone and phone system to come in so we can use it to start getting organized. Hmm, I think we should do that Now? I guess we have to have something on our scheduler to copy over, hmm? Maybe we should check that out. Ok, outlook here we come. AND, it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to go get those numbers. I think we may have one even for Aunt Gay. Ok, you … go look … k!
Very good now that’s all organized. I worked all the addresses and contact lists through Outlook and that connected through Onenote so I could leave notes from above each in its own section. I had to open up contacts and sections for each person, so it took some time, but it was well worth it. I cross-referenced it by leaving a date-time stamp in the notes of each contact note section that there was something that happened at that time. That way I can be sure to get back to everyone. The master list is located at my section. That is the next part. I’m going to go back over the notes once more and see if there is something to put on my to-do list.
Ok, good so far we need to write a quick note to Meredith tonight. Write a small letter to Thom tomorrow. Talk to Dr. Marvin about family on Tuesday as well as call Carrie. Talk to Deb, CS and Todd next Saturday. Talk to Steve and Kathy Jo on Sunday and follow-up with another meeting with Dr. Marvin the following week on Thursday along with surgery preparation. Make sure that we are getting everybody’s contact information and preferences. Maybe write out a sheet and hard mail it/email it out. Ok, that’s enough of family for the day. What else do I have to do? It’s already almost 3 pm. I just had my 2nd v-8 juice.
Oh man oh man that’s something … everything is fitting into place. I almost forgot about the Job Coaching and Consulting class I’m scheduled to take … that’s starting on Tuesday and going until May 12 – two days before surgery. Wow ! that was tremendously good planning … Thank you God! Sure would have hated to waste Sr.’s money. I checked that into the schedule as well. Hmm, now as far as today goes.
Done with family, which sorta sneaked into my blog time, which is ok. Just gotta make time for it … it has to have some purpose. I should be thinking about 5-6 that Rich might be home. Let’s then plan for a shower at 5 pm. I don’t think it’s much use saving dinner if all it will be is a slim fast. *Sigh* We’ll see. We’re doing good there.
I still should write to the I/A Marine, and to Thom’s Friend AND I haven’t done any work on the message board.
WooHoo!!! It’s about 4:30 pm now and I’ve gotten done with the Message Board writing. Feeling pretty good. It’s in a pretty good space right now … I’m so proud to be a part of them. Hmm, I think what I will do now is to take a quick shower so I’m ready for my fisherman when he comes. Then I will write the shorter letter to Thom’s friend, and in the extra time I will write to the I/A Marine. If there is possibly EXTRA time … I would attend the 8 pm chat room meeting, but I really think Rich will be home by then. I hope so, because I want to squish him to pieces!
AHA! We got our squishy material together. This is the good stuff. Shower done, tooth brushing done, sexy nightgown done … whoops sorry about that! We’re into exuberance. Let’s just hope it’s not until 8 pm. BUT, if it is let’s hope we’re patient enough to wait for him … and still climb up his torso! WooHOOO!!! That’s what fishy people get for leaving for such long periods of time. AND, because we were gone an extra two days before that! Should be like a crime! He’s going to need a lot of softening up. Hmpf! He actually talked about business on a fishy trip to his lover. What kind of vibes is THAT man sending! Way too over worked!
We’ll have to have a serious talk. And, at least ONE of us better be undressed! Double *HMPF!*
Ok, better not be waiting too long. Lets have a jello then be getting on to Brent’s letter. K?
WooHOO!!! I just gave the love of my life a call … He said about 6:30 pm. So that’s about 75 minutes. That’s not TOO bad.
Grandma's Funeral - Friday
Dear Thom,
Good morning. This is me Mom. This is me the Mom saying Happy Birthday to Thom, Happy Birtoo Thoommm, Haaapppyy Birtthhdayyy toooooo THOOOOMMMM!!
HAPPY BIRRTHH DAAAYYY too YOUUU!!!!!
*Sung in my best Happy Birthday song flourish*
Hehehe I’m sorry I couldn’t get this to you on your birthday, but please know that if I could have I would have given it to you with a smooch and a whoppingly good hug! Yup, yup … maybe TWO!
I’m thinking today for your birthday surprise instead you have your riflerys expertise shooting test thing going on instead. WoooHOOO!!! I look forward to hearing what a good shot you are. Maybe there will be a letter when I get back. I sure hope so. You’ll have the 3 from this trip, when I get back from this trip, but I think after we get back to the house it’s back to hand written letters for you until I get to work with the printer. Hmm maybe after we pay for the trips, well though there are a few more trips though too … what happens you are graduating the next part and the next part! Might have to be at those too! We count on the show Top Gun to get us through it. Gives us the expectation well of course you are going to be getting through it because there are much bigger things in the wind.
Shoot it’s like don’t get me started already this morning … I’ve got you running the Pentagon already Ahhh such a good son! Hehehe well, that AND he’s going to boot camp! WooHOOO!!!!
As to our reality here … this is the last day of our little journey. Joe and us had a real good talk last night about stuff going on here in MN between the family and then some between the two of us. He’s such a gosh darn smart kid. I enjoy immensely my time with him. This has been the nicest thing. There just aren’t enough words. Shoot now I get the tears! I think that Maury will go with his father when he gets here, but maybe then you will stay with us some time? I think visiting for the record can get to be kinda hard, but then there’s times like when were with the Joe and it’s just pretty darn cool.
There was ONE little incident last night about who was going to get the lights I think he confused one of our youngest parts who was tired and I’m not sure pudding was involved. Not sure of that part. There was another part that I wish I could have had a tape recorder for. For the most part Joe had been fairly quiet around my mother and John. Between the two of them they go over and over again into their stories and they don’t really leave a lot to be said in-between. They interrupt each other for the listening audience. I fed the fuel as part of my “guest” role. But, Joe hung back listening to most of it and asking things if necessary, but that wasn’t often. He did a lot of the rings. I think I’ve talked of that over the last three days. But, I think he must have been building up a head of steam. He had told me from the start that he thought confrontation was the way to go. He said that on the car ride up.
So somewhere – I’m not sure where exactly the conversation got introduced, but it had come up with Scott. I remember one question I had asked. It was pretty general. I said, “So, like you and Scott aren’t really talking to each other are you?” They got as far as sitting at the same family table after the funeral, but at opposite sides. There was even one conversation where they were in the same related talk, but not directly to one another. My mother went on to explain her position and John his and neither were favorable to Scott. I didn’t offer my position. Joe, however, had been out with Scott and Meredith to the Minneapolis Art Museum, which is pretty big like the Chicago ones. He talked to Scott of his opinions. And, Joe had made his own conclusions that we talked about after the dinner.
But, the point was during the dinner … Joe decided for the first real time since he had gotten here to have his say in the conversation. But, at that point it wasn’t really a conversation … it was Joe giving down his interpretation of what had happened between my mother and Scott and basically, he was telling my mother that she had a choice to make and that if she didn’t make a choice now to repair some damage to the relationship, that she would lose an entire lifetime of the relationship. I don’t think it was like a “shame-based” talk though. Because Joe put his heart into it and gave it from his own perspective and talked from the bases of forgiveness. At the end, he said something in relationship to caring enough about them that they try and he also said that he had wanted to give her something and he presented her at that time with a bracelet from the chain that he had been making. He had made on previous that he thought might go to her, but he didn’t think she could appreciate it and he found a better recipient in his cousin Meredith. She was very proud to get his offering.
I don’t know if my mother can understand the value of what it was that he had finally offered her in some kind of acceptance, but I’d talked to Joe about that too earlier in that she was with certain limitations. Dr. Marvin says that she has most likely got Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I think I mentioned this to you before. I wanted Joe to understand and I think he was able to see it that when he would say things about himself that she would take ownership of the conversation so that everything would be about her. For example in lasts talk there was one point when Joe and I confirmed exactly the situation. It was one of the rare times Joe broke his listening stance to speak … he talked about going to the Museum of Arts. Joe said something about his experience, and then my mother barely waited for him to stop and then showing no signs that she had heard him went automatically into her experience as a child at the museum. I think it’s the nature of her disorder. I had talked to Joe earlier of my own effort in trying to accept her with the disorder UNDER the boundaries of not thinking I would suddenly get someone who was going to start acting like a mother – as sucky as that might be.
She could know the proper time to cry, but she doesn’t understand crying from the heart because people touch each other. Dr. Marvin said that she would be doing it from a position of her feeling sorry for herself or for attracting attention. Sometimes I see little parts of that in one of myselfs too and I have to be real careful not to try the manipulative aspects. Mostly those feelings are relegated to the younger parts, which is how I think the system works it out of our system. So for example with Rich- we might cry about something … but, then he might say you don’t need to cry about that, and then a younger part might come back and tell him why she thinks she needs to cry and then he will tell her why that’s not necessary. Hehehe because of the nature of the beast she will usually try to say that she can be convinced better if she is given a food reward, but even that too now days is changing … BUT … it’s been a long time since Rich has bought that argument. I think that’s something closer to what happened with Joe last night … something about pudding and turning off the light … shoot still don’t have a handle on it though. I think I’m close and then it eludes me.
But, as far as the Joe statement to my mother directly and John indirectly? It was probably the most important statement said to them all week. I think next though Joe has to realize that although he’d like to sort and separate like Scott that Scott is competitive for his mother’s attention from John and that if he wants and if Joe wants a relationship of Scott to Mom then he is going to have to accept him in the picture. But the images that Scott was giving Joe were very outdated. Scott was using my sister and me … although none of the three of us have been in contact with each other for 5 years … as to fight his argument with Joe. He told Joe that the relationship with my mother and John had devastated the three of us as my sister was a sophomore in high school, myself a senior, and my brother a freshman in college. The thing is – that for me – that had happened long ago and although I have feelings about that situation and thoughts – I have been starting to accept John since the days your Dad and I were together and pretty much fully accept him now as my mother’s partner. I’ll never accept him as my father, but I accept him having a role in the family. The bridge had been in your Dad’s day when as an activity together helping me to tolerate them – your Dad and I would play them 500 with John as my partner and your Dad my mothers. Long long years of work into that.
But, this would then be a situation of my brother’s mental manipulation of Joe. Another would be in explanation of why it is that my brother and I am not speaking – Scott told Joe something about me telling him not to be the first one to call and that I would contact him first and that he was never to contact my sons. When Joe told me that it was like Huh? I said I don’t think so. I told Joe that the last time there was contact was over my Dad’s and Sandy’s affairs 5 years ago. I didn’t have a means to get home the furniture pieces him and CS and Sandy’s sister had left for me, so Scott took the furniture that was designated for me back to his place saying he’d bring it down to me later. It wasn’t a lot, and it was actually less. Between one of the three – one took my grandmother Ludford’s silver, which was supposed to have been my private inheritance along with the dishes that I’ve since given Maury. I know silver has monetary value, but it was the sentimental value in that they belonged to the set and since it was the only thing I was gifted literally, beside my even share of the money – it was my thing.
Scott though was like after he had my stuff – the other tangibles, which really weren’t a lot (1984 TV, my computer table and chairs, small microwave, and recliner), he wasn’t going to bring them down. At the time … all of those things were better than I had. All of that caused “bad blood” over what hadn’t started off as “good blood.” I’ve never trusted my siblings because they think and treat as mostly mentally ill. So when the executor of the will called about the money to be distributed – she was collecting addresses – I told her about Scott not getting furniture to me. I had been originally upset with her, because I had told her the will didn’t say you inherited these pieces only if you could afford a truck to pick them up 400 miles away and that it should come out of executive funds. So she blocked Scott’s inheritance until he got me the furniture. Maury had been trying over a year to get it – I think he asked to use your hummer to pick it up. Scott just kept stalling and putting him off and not returning calls. But, all of a sudden he was “free” to meet him half way.
That is why I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to deal with him. I gave Maury cart blanche to deal with my brother in the families interest. I never told Scott not to contact you guys. Again, it’s just more manipulation. Just like yesterday I think I’d written as it were happening … I flipped out when he responded that Joe was lost even though he was there and then I thought No this is Scott … why would I trust him now. And, Joe WAS there, but then he made the dumb ass comments to Joe about as if he were a Mama’s boy tied to her apron strings. Whether or not Joe told Scott that he was looking for his independence from me that would have been considered another manipulative statement … this time not only in frustrating me, but in jaunting Joe to “dislike” his mom for having “apron strings.” Especially, if Joe told him about his thoughts of Nathon and CS … about his only or maybe strongest thoughts are of CS telling Nathon what to do to take care of her. Joe looks at that … and puts together what your Dad has said and then says – My mom is manipulative. Mom MAY have even shown different ways of being manipulative. No doubt … that IS the way the family has been raised or trained through and through. But, that would be a discredit to my efforts over the years to see that it is a fault that I’ve tried hard to correct because I didn’t want to go the family way, I saw how it was used by your father as an excuse not to respect me, and how that’s been given to my sons. On the other hand … I can see the work that Rich and I do … neither of us have perfect qualities. I can see us both manipulating at times … shoot … I’m a mistress and adulterator. He’s enabled that situation. But, the thing is with Rich is that we work very hard not to be conscious and honest with each other. And, we’ve tried to carry that back in our relationships especially, with our kids. More directly with you three and indirectly with Rich and his three. I think he tries to be as honest as he can, but safely too … I see him protecting himself and me. I know why he’s not telling his kids honestly that we’re together. That’s going to have it’s own price one day, but Rich and I’ve always had it where I do my family my way, and he his – though we talk a lot in between.
Ok, enough of that think we verged. Hmm, I’ve scanned back to see where we might have been going. It seems we’ve been talking about Scott for a long time this morning. But, you know one last for sure comment on that. Scott and I had a terrible terrible relationship growing up so that we didn’t learn to trust each other like you guys do each other. Sure, you have your personalities so that you know where NOT to trust each other, but you support regardless. Scott’s been pulling this thing since he’s been small of standing there as “the family spokesman” meaning over my sister and I. He does it without knowing anything about where my sister and I might stand. AND, believe me I have no understanding where she is at, though I KNOW through a cousin she’s not talking to him either. The thing is though … Scott does and says things 9 times out of 10 to benefit Scott and possibly benefit his daughter, and then probably secondarily his wife. He didn’t set up that situation with the museum yesterday … I did that. Joe said he wanted to meet family so at the table when I heard Scott say he was taking his daughter to the museum before he went back to his town and she went back to school, I stated out loud that maybe Joe would like to get in on that trip. I saw by Joe’s face he took it to be an opportunity and Scott and Meredith picked it up. It should have been a win-win situation.
I know that Joe loves and understands me better than his Uncle, and I have a super fine trigger protective nature as does Scott. I don’t like seeing Joe manipulated by his Uncle through the little example of the “Joe’s lost” thing or in giving Joe the “acceptable” side of the family to believe. As smart as I know Joe to believe … he’s vulnerable too especially of the religious. My brother talks a good story. Joe was offended by John saying something stupid about Scott’s pseudo religion. But, I don’t want to see Joe caught up in the extremes of two goofy situations of fighting for the Narcissistic love of my mother – someone who can’t truly love anyone other than herself. There was something pretty funny in that relation. Sometime yesterday or the day before … Joe told me that he had named his own grandma. I guess he decided his own came umm let’s just say to be nice “overly complicated.” He decided to accept instead “Diane.” That’s the nice neighbor lady that follows my mother and John wherever they go. The couple stay at Diane’s house … they use her, but keep her “company” so they figure they’re helping her out. No comment there, but that relationship has probably been going on for 25 years. She’s a widow and her two kids are out of state. I think Diane’s gotten a lot out of visiting my Grandmother all of these years and the whole thing has given her a sense of family. Hehehe Joe named all the positive qualities quiet, humble Diane has … if Joe wasn’t so gosh darn earnest it may be even MORE funny!
One of the nicest things of Joe is that there is some of me that still is obviously still feeling protective, but for the most part I can leave him alone EVEN with my family. I tried not to check on him too much at the wake or funeral. I was a little worried, because he was spending most the time with just Meredith where he could have been getting to know other worthwhile relatives, but then Joe found in her to be such an exceptional relative that he didn’t really need to go much further. I think it was overwhelming to him, because there were more relatives worth meeting. I think Joe had a little trouble with crossing age barriers. When I think of how he spoke to my mother and John – he has no trouble speaking on an intelligent basis, but he doesn’t have the comfort level as someone such as my cousin Steve, or for example Steve’s son – who knew more people, but was also more willing to meet strangers – both young and old. Joe was more cautious. Joe had his limitations too in that he pretty much stuck to saying just the few things about himself such as Karate and the obvious wire work that he was doing. It was a little strange that he kept working on it throughout the wake, funeral dinner, and meals before and after that, but that is what his comfort level was. I don’t know other’s impressions of that, nor was I concerned. I was concerned that Joe be comfortable. The only thing I pushed and it was probably stupid was that Joe had been sitting on his foot during the beginning of the service in such a way that it stuck out in the aisle and was hitting ladies dresses I thought as they went down the aisle. He gave me and I gave him some pretty mean looks because as free as I want him to be … I don’t think one persons freedom should affect another’s. I felt he was in their space by having the bottom of his shoe touch their fancy funeral clothing and I thought that disrespectful. It was a non-issue, really, but might come up on the way home. Sometimes you guys are so much like your father in being absolutely right that you just can’t see from others’ perspectives. Like from a mother’s perspective there would be no other conversation other than some of her son’s best attributes, but from others perspectives whose she is forced to see in her more protective nature … it is better for him to blend in as far as … he should have been more interested in others too, such as if someone asks, “How are you?” Then you say, “Fine, And, how are you?” Joe might get out that basic sentence, but as to continuation of a real conversation into their life – not much further. I think that’s my fault though. I do a lot of listening I think in person to you guys – not you because you’ve not been here, but of Joe and Maury, so they have more tendencies to talk about themselves than of the other – which also might be complimented in that I used to do the same with your father. His personality also affects your all self interest or “party interest” in primarily yourselves. Harder to broaden that a bit to include others. But, then I have hope … I know you bring others into your games. There must be then some parts after much testing of you that are open, hmm? PLUS … now you are … completely different circumstances. Things will be different for you and only time will tell how.
I don’t want you to go away thinking that I had any problems with Joe being here. The part just mentioned above is smalllllll comparison to the good and strong feelings I had about him. In this world up here and maybe I can talk about it later is that my grandmother liked to help others. She liked to talk, sew or cook for them. The minister said she always had to have a piece of cloth in her hand (meaning the sewing). That’s the part that I felt most strongly Joe was connected to and I saw that from the start of his trip on the car ride up throughout. Joe works with his hands the way my Grandmother worked with his. She would have been proud of his work. That’s why most strongly I didn’t say anything about Joe’s bringing things with him. It became part of the make-up of the group. People would look over to him and there he was like gramma stitching and stitching.
Hmm think we’re going to take a little break here. I’m going to get dressed for the day and go down for some hot coffee … the stuff in the little pot is about done. Joe and I agreed that we’d leave when we both got up. I really needed some time to write longer to you than the smaller bits and parts over the last day or so. So I was appreciative of the nice warm fire during the last couple of hours. I don’t know but you seem to be getting more and more patient with my long letters every day! *Silly grin*!!
Ok … back from downstairs. I ate a nice breakfast than wrote an email to a friend and then when checking on room downstairs I met Joe crossing paths. So told him to relax because I had to pack up. So SHOULD be doing that now … you know home is not far away though, CUZ Dogs “In the bag!”
We’ll catch up when we get to a printer in a couple of days.
I love you with everything I got and one more time if I may HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYY BIRRRRRRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!
THOM!!!!!!!!
Love Mom!
Grandma's Funeral - Thursday
Dear Thom,
Good morning. This is me. Is this you? I’m afraid I’m not doing very good at being a Mom this week. I don’t seem too concentrated on stuff beside what’s happening up here. While I know this isn’t the only place in the world, it seems to be about the only place I am able to focus on too hard at the moment. I do appreciate the space in writing to you and being able to think out loud some of the thoughts I’m having toward it. I don’t know if it’s ok that I’m talking about this stuff to you … there don’t seem to be many thoughts expressed of my Grandma direct. Oh dear … slow down girl … it’s early yet – AND, first paragraph what’s up with that?
Ok, how about a little setting music? Hmm? Well, it’s the day before Thom-thom’s birthday. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you!!! Happy birthday to THOOOMMMMM!!! Happy birthday to YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!! Sorry, just had that in me. Hehehe Ahh, I feel better all ready. The morning is nice and crisp. I’m not sure how crisp. There’s a newspaper outside the door, but it is that USA one – haven’t come close to one of those for over 20 years. Eh … that’s what I think. Not into news today, ESPECIALLY ifin’its not over the Internet! Well, actually Joe got on the Internet yesterday, but again have to give up fire and flannel pjs, so I’m not altogether happy over that. Maybe soon. Yesterday Joe woke up about 7 am. Hmm, if I went down early though I could get the Internet too! Hmm, thinking about that!
Ok, full change in everything. Now we’ve been down to the computer downstairs, have eaten breakfast, have taken a shower and gotten completely dressed. Joe’s gotten up, gone downstairs and done about the same and is now working on his wire mesh. He’s got about 45 minutes before he’s got to be ready. I suggested that he shower, but I got lectured about hygiene for Joe-type people. So like … ok. Hmm, just been talking to Joe. Just light and easy stuff. Kind of hoping for this part of the day to be over. They should be here in like 15-20 minutes. Joe is like considering getting his suit on now. Pshwoo. They said they were going to call. Joe’s been driving in city, I drove out on the road. We just made that agreement again today with the Joe.
Hi Thom, this is me again … just for a few moments. I’m not expecting too much more out of the day … It’s been a long one. It’s about 4:45 pm now. The funeral is long since over. I’ve been resting at the hotel by myself for the last couple of hours. I was trying to take a nap, but then I discovered about 3 pm that I’d forgotten my morning medication … That’s twice in a row. Never done that before. So, I took everything. I was having nightmarish thoughts – that’s finally how I figured out no medicine. Been such a long time I had forgotten the symptoms. So that’s all over. After I calmed down, I went downstairs and gladly found that no one was using the Internet. Silly thing to have one computer in the hotel on Internet. I checked email and then spent some time on Marineparents.com … well … might have slipped by there an hour. After that, I sat outside under the portico watching it drizzle for a bit.
Joe is with his Uncle Scott and his cousin Meredith. They left the funeral and went to an art museum in Minneapolis. Joe felt he’d like to get to know them and that’s where they were going. Meredith is finishing freshman year at University of MN – Duluth. She’s 19 and Joe seems to like her quite a bit as to being a good relative. You know that says a lot Joe is a pretty good judge of character. I like Meredith too, but there seems to be so little time to get to know her and there’s always the chance of messin with someone else’s kid. But, now I’m sounding like my Aunt Judy
I had a hard time earlier because Joe called to get Scott’s number because they got separated. I’m pretty much a mother hen – but you knew that part. So, then I wanted to get right back to Joe to make sure he was ok. I was imagining him all alone in Minneapolis without knowing nothing including his hotel name, the city it was or his mom’s cell number if his phone went dead, or Rich’s number to get my number … When you are obsessive there is no end to the amount of worrying that sometimes takes place. He didn’t respond. So then I called my brother who I was obviously upset with for losing Joe. He continued the problem. No, we don’t know where Joe is. We’re headed back to Wisconsin … For a moment my systems about shut down. I had lost Joe once in a Mall. He had wandered off. I have absolutely never gone back to a mall because I’ve been horrified of them ever since. The security guard brought Joe back I was at the guard station. They had found Joe about 3-4 years who had decided to locate his missing mom at the car in the parking lot… It’s like ok Scott. He’s then on the phone with Joe … Joooo your Mama’s looking for you. I’m like in my mind thinking … ok, it’s going to be another long time.
Umm, hi Thom … it’s me again yes. We’re still on the same day. It’s now about 9 pm. Joe and us are just getting back from dinner with John, my Mother, and Dianne the neighbor/caretaker. Pwhoo … it was long. Those people like to talk. Joe’s on the phone now with someone. We’re in our flannel pjs. The fires in the fire place. It’s almost time for bed. There is soooo much to talk and think about. Scott came back with Joe for a few moments. I might have been more willing to spend time with him, but my psychiatrist called and only had 15 minutes before he had to leave and before my mother was supposed to be over. Then we went out for dinner.
Hmm, now both Joe and us are off the phone. I talked to Maury for a few moments. He was busy hanging garage sale signs. Not sure what all that was about … he doesn’t even have a garage to sell… Hmpf! He didn’t seem interested in conversation .. he said not unless he found out he had a $10,000 inheritance or something. I should have told him, he would have had to split it with 22 great grandchildren. Wow! I didn’t know that it had gotten to be that many. My grandmother had 4 children, 11 grandchildren, 22 great grand children (Maury, You, and Joe are the oldest) and she had 3 great, great grandchildren, Austin, Ame, and Isa. Pretty cool, hmm.
Grandma's Funeral - Wednesday
Good Morning Thom,
How are you this morning? I’m afraid I’ve lost track this week a bit of what specifically you are doing. I know from last week on it was called “Tables” week or something like that, but I hadn’t gotten up far enough to check what that might be. I’m sorry. We’ll figure it out when I get back to an Internet.
This morning we (Joe and me) at a hotel in MN. We just got here about 4:30 pm. Yesterday. It took us 8 hours, but we stopped to eat. We made pretty good time. There was one point of the trip that got pretty serious in our conversation, but even that was good because it was the right thing to happen.
Ahh, I just poured myself the coffee and remembered that our room had a push button fire place woohoo!!! It has a whirl pool too, but we’ll wait to try that later. Joe is sleeping and its pretty noisy and you should know that I like to write first thing up in the morning. The fireplace is pretty perfect for that. It’s located right next to the desk at an angle, so during my thoughtful moments I can watch it from the corner of my eye. It’s got a nice blue flame.
Joe is letting me use one of your laptops too which is sweet it reminds me of you. It’s a thin, but large laptop with a smooth plastic top and screen. Soon as I saw the Word doc screen I was in my element. I think the wireless connection would work, but they don’t have the service this far down the hotel. We would have to do something silly like go sit in the lobby. That just doesn’t work for me in my flannel pjs and need for fireplace. I’ve got my little flash drive thing so I will save to it and go to the lobbies one guest computer and then probably email to Rich and ask him to print out – I’m not sure … I think what she told me last night was that there was no printer? That’s like really ridiculous to say that you have a business center for guests and offer just one computer and NO printer?? I don’t know I haven’t thought that far ahead. I guess what I’m going to need doing is email them to Rich, and ask him to print them at work and mail them from there. I better put the hard mail address on them then … hold on.
Ok, that will work. Have to trust the system. New system. Must have other printers in MN though, right? Maybe Joe will tell me they are at some coffee houses here or something. We’ll wait to here that – don’t know why someone at the hotel can’t just print it out since they can’t afford a $95 printer, Hmpf! Ok, ok shhh Ok, enough grumbling … you know how weird I get when my computer systems are not working …
So, after Joe and us were here for about an hour we got a hold of my mother and arranged to go out to eat. She wanted to surprise us with going out to the VFW for do it yourself tacos … and I had said outright no. I wouldn’t have done that if I hadn’t talked to Joe about my last bad dinner experience up here where they had suggested VFW and I HADN’T known what I was getting into. It’s a cheap dinner for them, but like volunteer servers at card tables and you have to get your own water out of paper cups from a back sink. And, I was like NEVER going back for that kind of treatment … And would NEVER subject one of my kids to it. Uh Uh … fool me once sure, but after that I’m not going to be called a something something idiot. Anyway … we bumped dining up to Bakers Square … ok ok … noooooo grumbling shhhhh…
It was pretty quiet in the back where they sat us and there was enough room so all in all it was as good as one could consider. It’s not a Garvey conversation, but then the good part was was that I didn’t freeze up so that I couldn’t talk either. I tried to focus more on John than my mother which made things a little easier. Joe talked when he felt comfortable, but I felt like maybe the conversation wasn’t like what he was used to. Like John talked about a family reunion for a long time – basically the conversation drifted away from it like 6-7 times and he kept bringing it back … digging it into the ground. And, there was nothing to do with it, but listen respectfully.
He had tendencies to speak over my mother and he seemed to speak more slowly so she had to work to get the floor, but then sometimes he would try to get from her some odd detail from a worn out story and she’d day dreamed away in another direction and couldn’t pull herself back to remembering what he was talking about … so in that way it was a bit disjointed. I felt really bad for Diane the lady that was their neighbor that went with us. She was rarely asked into the conversation at all by either of them. She was like a dormouse.
I can’t say I didn’t have some fun … but, it was the kind that I will be scared about later when I think about what was said and done. But, I’ll save that for Dr. Marvin. Right now Joe just got up and he’s doing a ton of push ups … can’t say I’d gotten up and thought of doing something like that. But to each his own. Maybe we’ll go down for breakfast with him if he wants company, otherwise we’ll let him go alone. We were talking to him and he was pretty clear of asking for independence.
Hmm, we’re back now and we’ve had two breakfasts’. Well one and a sorta. Joe and I went downstairs, and then later my mother called up to see if we wanted to go out – so we went out for a couple hours with them, but we just had coffee, water or juice. Joe brought his chain and so that all went well. I’m not sure where we left off here.
Ok, read one paragraph back enough to know we’d gotten through the first dinner and now breakfast. In between, we’d gotten a couple phone numbers and started calling around. My cousin Steve was at work, but we got his step-son out of bed. Couldn’t leave a message though because he was kinda mumbly. Then we called my cousin Deb, but she wasn’t at home. So next, we called my Uncle Wes. Joe heard him from the distance and sounded friendly enough, but I didn’t think so … we asked if he knew my brother’s phone number since my mother hadn’t. He had one number for him. Then he volunteered that Deb was there so we asked to talk with her.
Deb was my favorite girl cousin, Steve had been my favorite boy cousin. Deb was cordial, but not overly friendly either. We got a well, see you later. Didn’t stay on the phone too long. Then we called my brother’s line … We started to leave a long sprawly message. They apparently are the kind of people who let the message machine take it until they decide whether or not to pick-up, but they did end up picking up. My brother’s wife gave the call to Scott. He talked for a little bit and we both agreed to meet. He’s supposed to give us a call when he gets closer. He and his new wife … also a Deb are picking up Scott’s daughter somewhere north of here. Meredith your cousin now goes to school in Duluth I understand. I’m hoping that Joe was right in wanting to know some of his relatives. I think he was disappointed to hear that Nathan wouldn’t be up.
It’s about quarter to 12 now, so we’ll type for a while and then go down about in about 45 minutes to see if we can get this letter sent out. I’m out of the shower now and Joe is back to the chain. He’s doin something that is really pretty cool … he’s making a smaller one now and has already made in long enough to be a wrist size for a man. Just figuring out how to end it. John and Mom both showed a good interest in it while Joe was working on it at the table for breakfast. I’m hoping that Joe might give the small bracelet to John, but I’m not sure if that’s the sort of thing Joe has in mind. I’ll wait to see what happens. That’s on him, or not. I love that Joe’s so creative.
We brought up a picture of my grandmother. It’s been taken in the last couple of years. She’s got underneath her hands a picture of one of the quilts she’s made and in back of that a stack of afghans she’s been working on … I think that your Grandmother Garvey is also very creative – or was creative with her hands, but on this side of the family so is your Grandmother and so was your great grandmother. Joe is kind of a reminder of that going on in the next generation. It’s unusual I think – because it’s happening at a male level. I love that part.
Aha! Joe fell for my trick! He figured a way to connect them, then he let me try it, now we’re just going to pretend he’s not in the room and we’re not going to give them back!!! Yup, yup Mom’s are like that! We like how sparkly they are on our wrist! I don’t know where Joe means for these to go though … Hmm, but they fit me just perfect! I wonder if they go with my new hair thing! Better go check that out.
Ahh shoot. I’m back … some time’s gone on … Joe’s just putting on his suit and things. I think I look pretty ordinary next to him, but its ok that he sparkles. That’s my Joe-bird! We’re expecting Scott any moment. We had been talking to Joe about things – mostly jewelry and we got a call from my cousin Steve. That was a real good call. He’s always been like the nicest relative. Much better than my family. We talked for quite a bit, until he had to go and start to get ready. Us too. Scott should be here any moment - … ahh, but now the moment is a half hour later. Joe and me been talking awhile, but Joe just laid down and shut his eyes. He didn’t say I’m catching Z’s just laid down. I guess that’s one of your guy’s ways of communicating with us. I’ll never understand it. But, it’s not important here – except it given me the space to say … oh yeah … we’re still writing to Thom and I left that moment hanging. Cool – I can go back there!
Hmm, not sure where to go here next. I think the sense of you sitting in a foxhole might be more interesting than the stories that are gathering over here. Pretty much I thinking now is that stories are a means for everyone to be talking to everyone else about anyone else. My mother and John talked about everyone elses grandchildren, Scott talked about John his step-father, Steve talked about Scott – you know that kind of stuff. And, poor Joe … we’re talking to him about everyone. I keep telling me to stop, but then there is something more I think that I think he needs catching up on. This is the problem when two people travel together. I’m trying to be patient and wait for Joe to build his own impressions, but it is hard, because I’ve so many thoughts running over. But, then that makes me ordinary like everyone else, and I don’t like that part. I feel stuck pickle in the middle … What happens if I’m no more extraordinary THAN everyone else? WITH the exception I’ve got extraordinary kids!
One thing I didn’t know about is that Steve’s youngest son – his stepson is also in the services. He’s in the Army reserve. He fills up vehicles and drives them about. He said like humvees and such. I’m not smart about these kinds of things … but I figured that sounded kind of like on the dangerous side. Steve says his son is going to Iraq in July for a year. That’s the one that I woke up out of bed, so then I felt especially bad. He might be learning to drive Humvees, but he sure does sound confused when woken out of sound sleep! Guess that’s the difference between Marine and Army training?!
Ahh, now Joe’s is starting to snore a little hmm? I didn’t know that he did that. Very interesting. But, because I’m a mother it’s more like awe … isn’t that the sweetest sound! Hehehe.
Steve’s other son is causing him a little grief. He says that Danny – his son from the first marriage ran out on them without saying where he was going at one point. And, he’s still gone. I think he was having troubles not being able to support him. I don’t remember if he was working, but if he was it wasn’t enough. He lived on his own in a car for a month, and is now living with his mother. I asked Steve and he said that’s the worser end of that story yet. There should be more time to talk about that kind of stuff later if the winds prevail.
I told Steve that maybe we could do something after the funeral tomorrow afternoon or evening. He thought that was a fine idea. I told him that we wouldn’t be leaving until the next morning. He didn’t know where everyone else was at as to time. Scott had only asked to stay one night. He said that Deb and Jay – his Sister and brother in law were staying at the cabins in Shell Lake. I had asked my mother about them and she said the one son of Debs was in college and the other son she didn’t know, but that Deb had done all the son’s homework and papers for him. Deb said her son had to stay home because he had a full time job. My mother said that Deb and Jay were just packing up and basically leaving the kids to fend on their own. Well you gotta know somewhere in there there’s a straight story, but I’m surely not going to get to it over the next few days – EVEN if I were overly interested.
I’m glad we started something for tomorrow – I know if everyone else goes home we’ll probably at LEAST meet up with Steve – Joe and me. Scott will have Meredith and Deb his wife to consider – PLUS his church. Scott was saying how things were different. His voice seemed shaky, but then it has had those intonations all along. Scott talking about two parishes depending on the summer tourists or the winter tourists. Steve said that Scott wasn’t making as much money and something else negative I forgot. Not sure … we’ll see on that one later too. We always feel in these kinds of circumstances – stick to the truth as closely as possible because the truth is going to get around from the gossip sooner than later. No one is really like straight arrow. I think sometimes what happens at least what I’ve been taught is that you can better look down your nose if your neighbor or family member is in worse trouble. We gotta try avoiding that. Like with Scott’s situation … He’s going to want to buy dinner, but we can try and cover half and half. I don’t have the pockets, but I gave Joe a $50 to cover it. My uncle is the only one with the big bucks and I’m going to try not to let him cover anything. I don’t want to be beholden.
That was something that I got into the first place here. When Joe and I got to the hotel, John had already covered the cost of the hotel. It was like $415. That was like a major bill. I tried desperately to come out of it or make some kind of deal. I tried to go to Rich, but I wasn’t sure the odds there, because Rich was the one making out there – it was HIS $415. I’d contributed the first $400, but he covered more into it and had to be paid back first. Basically, without doing the outer argument, I knew I couldn’t win, because the social thing was that they were the parents had more money than us and it would have been up to them to provide housing for us, but they were staying with a friend. Still doesn’t make it good that I feel like I owe someone. I know I’ll have to take them out for a meal. Probably, only thing left is before the funeral for breakfast or for breakfast Friday morning before we go.
Yes, we drive ourselves crazy with our own thinking … Why Lord doesn’t it stop??!
Hmm, now another thought. It’s 2:15 pm. Scott was supposed to be here 75 minutes ago for lunch. He was supposed to call as he got closer for a place to meet. Originally we were to be ready at 3 pm so that my mother could swing by at 3:30 PM so we could follow them to the mortuary. If Scott got here in the next hour … there’d be like only an hour to eat lunch and meet each other after being estranged for 5 years. There would be 5 people at the table and that hour would give us 45 minutes to drive to the restaurant and to drive to the mortuary. Now … do I really want to be rushed to present and eat that fast. Joe and I’ve been ready for 75 minutes and waiting. I did eat an orange because of the diabetes, I have to be eating some sugar, but now feeling a little frustrated. Hmm, so what to do?
I guess the thing is to hold tight to the plan … When Joe woke up for a few moments at 2 pm we’d talked about waiting until 2:30 pm, and at that time calling Scott and canceling and at the same time calling my mother and asking them to stop by for us. As to covering the missed lunch – we’d talked about going for the first hour (family time) at the funeral home and then leaving to eat and then coming back. That’s what we should be doing. Now … Just then to affirm … looks like we’re waiting … 9 minutes to go. Call Mom’s place first – and possibly talk to Diane, or try and call Scott’s cell first. We should have Mom as a back-up plan, because realistically, I could see eating a slimfast and truly skipping my brother at this point, because I know he gets very cranky under pressure, which happens a lot because he runs behind. Yeeks!
Ok, 5 min.
3 min.
Gmorning Thom … we’ll continue on the next day … but, we wanted to say we were here proper. I’m sorry letters were delayed, but when we talked to Rich he was at home eating dinner at 10 out on the balcony … figured he was way too overwhelmed with his day by the time we caught him to take on another task. Please – we’ll be there.
We love you,
Mom
