What did we do again today?
Good morning. This is me. We’re kinda coming from a bad moment. We were just doing our regular facebook things and we came up on something for the family, and then we noticed that Thom narrowed his page to only 15 friends. And, then when we were there we noticed Joe’s FB. I think we knew this before but we weren’t allowed any information about them. Their profile page was closed to us. It’s been like this for a while, but today I took offense. So, I closed down my profile to them also.Hmm, now while I’m at it … I closed my brother from the list too. I guess I’m in a bit of a mood. Maybe there was extra frustration because while I was at Thom’s site I saw that Laura was there too … this is the mother of my grandson. I was able to see pictures of him. I thought for a moment of contacting her, but I thought better of it. If she knew I was paying attention, she could close me off from seeing pictures. I paused a long time looking at pictures of Austin. He’s the grandchild I haven’t seen for about 8 years. It might as well be from my other son too because I haven’t seen my granddaughters since Christmas.
I’m actually feeling pretty ornery right now. I don’t know how this happened it just came over me. I figured if these people don’t want to related to me, why would I want to relate to them. The next step would be to cut Maury off from seeing me too, but he hasn’t done that to me, so I won’t do it to him. This is pretty bad mom logic. I just get so mad at them. It’s been a long standing thing to have such little contact or relationship with them.
I don’t understand why we can’t talk if not daily at least weekly or monthly. I figure I have about 550 friends on Facebook who can all see my pictures and share part of my life … and the people I care about most don’t care to share their lives with me. So man … why should that make me angry.
I have those paranoid feelings that they are reading my stuff and having advantage to whatever degree they care about that stuff, but then they don’t feel pressed to share their life. This is coming off as pretty invasive. This is what Rich means when he says we get cranky. Last night my crankiness came up and I was asking him what we said that indicated that we were spoiled, because he confirmed with CS that we were spoiled rotten and then we asked and asked and he couldn’t give us an example. After a while he said that part of it was that we were pretty frank with our thoughts and opinions. So if we thought of something we would put it out there. He said that happened with my sister and it happened with him just the day before.
Basically, we were out to breakfast with Rich, Bob, my sister and me. My sister had started about her fourth sentence and again and again … Rich just talked right over her and cut her off … so I called him on it. I said Rich, I don’t think you realize this, but you continue to cut CS off as she’s trying to say something. In that particular instance I felt that I was being protective of her and responsible for my partner. He described it last night in the car as embarrassing. But, then that’s what I had felt like with that behavior. I didn’t want to have CS thinking her thoughts weren’t important.
But, then later when she was talking and talking … most often if we can’t deal with it we just continue with what we’re doing without saying too much. At one point she stopped and apologized for babbling too much. We said, “You are right in that you talk and talk and talk.” So, I guess it was pretty abrupt, but it did not stop her from doing it. I even told her that between Rich and me we got involved in our things and didn’t talk so much unless there was something specific to say.
We were pretty frustrated at times with her being down, though we were trying to do the right things. We did a lot of good stuff. I picked her up in WI, shared my iPod during the trip, drove into the city, drove down Lake Shore Drive for her, found a place at the beach – a dog park, we got her slushies for that, and then while waiting for Dr. Marvin we got her a muffin, and then we stopped by and got our favorite Chinese place, and then she waited in the waiting room while I had my appointment. I dropped her off so she wouldn’t have to stay in the car or do the long walk. Then I gave her the best of my hospitality, which included the next day letting her be in my work environment, and then I shared the Spring Fling with her, I shared Rich and Bob and Marcia with her and took her out to many meals and then drove her back to WI … all in four days. But, this is what she wrote in the FB thingie…
Ann Ludford Garvey Morning. It's like back to reality today ... such as the big Spring Fling event is over and we're going to need calming everyone down today. One last thank you for CS coming down and we're sorry for the cranky times. I'm afraid we still have regression times and not always feeling cooperative. What? No, I DIDN'T EAT all the MARSHMALLOWS! Life's a challenge, but that's like the texture of our existence :)
Joel Pruitt and Vickie Fleck like this.
Cynthia Durham Randolph
That last line is perfect.
Joel Pruitt
marshmellow queen
Ann Ludford Garvey
Hehe ya-ya ... I'm afraid its an old response from childhood where we were rewarded marshmallows at my grandmother's house for good behavior. Unfortunately its a bit of a control issue now.
Joel Pruitt
ill keep the marshmellows available for your other to control
Ann Ludford Garvey
Yeeks that Might just be the problem!
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
I enjoyed coming to Chicago! The marshmellows are not a problem. I know you didn't eat all of them. You did share some. I don't believe that the cats ate half of the bag though. Do cats like marshmellows? I think I saw a part of the regression not from just sharing marshmellows but fishyman. I am very comforted seeing your home and work. It ... makes talking about what is going on in your life much easier! Fridays are hectic! The room was very comfortable. You can check my mini-fridge, I shouldn't be charged too much for drinking all the beverages. Hopefully next time the wonderful huge tv gets more then five channels. (hopefully the wonderfully huge tv stays!). I would give accomidations 4.5 stars. I had to share the bathroom so you loose half a star.
Ann Ludford Garvey
Yeeks! A harsh critic ... wouldn't you think getting your own toilet paper would account for SOMEthing!
Ann Ludford Garvey
We didn't share fishyman fairly?
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
Oh no, you shared him very fairly...I just think someone is not used to having overnight guests and sharing at all! No names but someone is a little spoiled.
Ann Ludford Garvey
Yikes!
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
Didn't say anything is wrong with being spoiled. Heaven only knows I'm not! :)
I know that CS is trying to wrap her criticisms in flowery double-talk language, but it is pretty apparent what had bugged her and here she was leaving it on my FB page. I stopped writing after her last comments. I sent a copy to Rich and Dr. Marvin and figured we’d continue from there. I asked yesterday while we were driving and talking on the way to Rich’s mom’s if he’d read it. He said he only read a part of it, that made us frustrated so we stopped talking about it for a while. Basically, our opinion is that if we send you something we mean for you to read it.
Later we talked about the parts that are more forthright. Maybe this is confusing, because we see CS being doublespeak forthright as well? It’s just such a loaded comment that is very judgmental to say someone doesn’t entertain much, doesn’t share at all and is spoiled, plus pointing out our lack of second bathroom. That our TV had only 5 channels, that it won’t be there for long, we didn’t share Rich, marshmallows aren’t a control problem, knowing she’s going to talk about my home and work now as if she “knows it” and that I didn’t put enough drinks in the fridge because she finished them, or that I was being rated for hospitality on a star system that would be shared with my friends. Then she concluded that heaven knows she’s not spoiled.
It sure was a lot of opinion to have on someone. I don’t know what to do with it.
I’m feeling a lot of guilt, but I don’t think this is from something I did or did not do, but that I didn’t meet up with her expectations. This probably should go to Dr. Marvin too because it’s been a couple of days since she’s left and we’re still having trouble with the trip, and the frustration and uncertainty might be bleeding into other things.
Should probably get off this then directly. We’ve been spending a bit of time at FB. In a sense I think we look for people to encourage or communicate to. I’m sure this is a part of our past too. Just makes me feel good to make people smile. When they say something if it’s a comment out to others I’m apt to listen.
Hmm, sister has just made an announcement that 3 staff have not paid for their raffle tickets and one staff did not pay for their dinner. I might be one of those staff who didn’t pay for the raffle tickets. I think my tickets were used by Rich, but maybe they are still in the file cabinet at home. Not sure. I will have to deal with that later. It will need checking especially if she needs to know that I didn’t use them. I know that Rich completed 100 tickets part for me and part for him. I’m thinking he might be another staff member who didn’t pay.
I’m not in the mood after having had made a public announcement to go running up and claiming guilt or innocence. It’s another one of those things that should have been handled personally, if she knew which one’s were guilty. She said some staff haven’t even paid and she’s trying to wrap things up. Tough! That’s about all I can muster this morning. Grrrrr!
Shoot reached out for something to be frustrating eating. Basically its 45 minutes early and we’re eating our lunch. Sheesh … we gotta think these things through.
I’m thinking now that Dr. Marvin said something about CS thinking that what is ours is hers. I wonder what she meant by not sharing? I thought we’d given her a lot of stuff. We never interrupted her from talking or being with Rich and we even included her seeing our friends and co-workers. We did introduce Dr. Marvin to her, but now I’m wondering if that wasn’t part of her conclusion that we didn’t share. That was about the only thing we did conscientiously not share. It felt too private.
What about all the time I shared? We gave her 100% of us … we were always available until we fell asleep at nights. AND, we were up before her with coffee made. I even shared my donuts with her!
Ok, ok … we talked to Dr. Marvin about this … our better ability now than in the past to carry him around when we need him. What would he tell us now? Maybe just this to write it down and that we’d discuss it on Thursday. Can we trust him and the situation and ourselves enough to put it down and then put it away for a couple of days? I get really frustrated too because then she said all this flower stuff over at her site with the pictures.
Here’s what she wrote from that group.
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
I like this picture, you sure can't tell I was sewing in my pj's..oh now I guess everyone will know. This was a exciting moment because up till now, neither Ann Marie or I had seen what the quilt looked like sewn together.
Yesterday at 12:48pm •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
Yes, the makers state they have to be set for four minutes, in a sweeping motion, not burning it in! Crayola Fabric markers run 4.99 for a pakage of ten primary colors. (Hobby lobby). I have used them before when teaching at Mark's school.
Yesterday at 12:50pm •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
I love the smiley face, brings back memories for sure!
Yesterday at 12:58pm •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
I really wasn't grawling at anyone, I was caught mid-smile. Do over?
Yesterday at 1:00pm •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
Behind us were items for the silent auction. I was trying to sell the quilts we had donated. You can only try!
Yesterday at 1:06pm •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
I was trying to break a few $20.00's for the craft table. The only way she would give me change is if I bought a ticket first. Some how $5.00 seemed to be a expensive way to break a 20.00. It was for the center she told me.
Yesterday at 1:10pm •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
Each the bags on the table were donated for the center. You could buy a chance ticket and put it in bag intended for each basket. There were around 40 baskets to choose from! Parents were encouraged to each put a basket together, I really wanted a few with bath towels and lotion. I donated some $$$ but was saved the problem of trying to pack one to come home with. (another donation to a good cause I was told...I didn't win anything all day!) I had such a good day and really didn't need to win anything to make it any better. The 250, 500 and $1000.00 would have come in handy but would only haved cluttered my wallet. hmmm :(
Yesterday at 1:16pm •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
They were selling 25 cent chances if you guessed the correct number of candy pieces in the jar. This gentlman was at our table. I was soooo hoping my numbers were unrealistic because I would have broken the heart of the young person who did win this.
Yesterday at 1:19pm •
Do you see what I am saying about the double-talk … like the last example she hoped to win, but then hoped to lose “for the young person to win”, or the one before she had really wanted to win the items and had put out good money, but she was saved from packing and that she had to be told it was for a good cause even though she didn’t get anything all day. Then she said she had such a good day and didn’t have to win anything, but then why did she bring it up? Then she brings up the big money prizes saying they’d come in handy, but would clutter her wallet. The little positive spins I believe are means she uses to control all her real frustrations, anger or disappointments. I don’t think she really is dealing with the negative at all in that she still has those irritating things happening to her … and then it’s if to say I’m such a grand and noble and giving person. In the process she sends out her complaints as mixed messages. See I’m not a bad person!
I didn’t like it that she couldn’t let the quilts go and that she was up there by the quilts unknown to me but trying to “sell-them” Or, that the comment on her growling in the picture was just after I’d made a comment on being proud to stand next to my sister. And, nobody had to know of her in pjs nor if they did would it matter. She was covered from the chin down. But, there’s this ongoing thing that she thinks she’s the center of everyone’s attention. She didn’t really mention too much about the whole thing going on from perspectives of others like in seeing so many happy people who were having a really good time. It’s aggravating when she says something like being in her pjs, but then uses my name to “normalize” the thought … it’s like when my brother spoke at Sandy’s funeral saying he and his sisters thought. Bullshit! His thought, had nothing to do with any real communication between us. There’s some inclination to thwart others thoughts as supporting yours which isn’t fair.
I don’t know … still feeling pretty frustrated. I gotta know that these things are probably grounded I some kind of reality. I feel the need to point them out … as if to say – see see don’t you see how I’m getting hurt, or angry or frustrated? In victim mode … why is this happening to me. I’m sure this kind of thinking has something to do with having a narcissistic mother … it’s all about being self-centered. I’m not sure if in truth I’m much different … it was like the talk that we had with Bob the other night when we went out to the pub. Yes, people give, but sometimes they give with their own self looking for something … well then isn’t that to be just the case? There have been era’s where in a good Christian atmosphere, you would do for others and ignore the self, and then more psychologically speaking we are taught to take care of ourselves first. This whole thing is confusing to me right now. I get into these gray areas and I see myself through CS … my God am I doing these same kinds of things? Am I being as plastic a person?
It makes me sick to my stomach to think I might only care for myself. Shoot even when I give massages to my fishy-friend it’s me that am feeling good. I can’t give them if I’m uncomfortable or crabby. But, when I’m feeling better than I am REALLY then feeling good … and sometimes it seems to be a side effect that Fishyman happens to like them.
Hmm, maybe that is a direction … maybe I should look up a little on borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder … between the two of them I think that it pretty much is going to describe my family. Ok, maybe just dip the toe a little in the water.
Ok, maybe continue this later we lost a whole day - mostly to Wikepedia on personality and other disorders *sigh*
posted by Ann Marie @ 3/23/2010 04:12:00 PM
Comments: 0
