Part of this was written before the last post
Ok, we’re back again, but just for a few moments. We’ll add this note on the bottom of the other. I had eaten lunch with Rich and we’d read over the Blogger version (format) of the material above. In confronting myself … I’m thinking that we seem a bit like a gold digger. It took a lot of figuring though to get it all out on paper. I forgot about this other part that we’d written before hand. It was for us originally, and then for Rich, and then for Dr. Marvin, and then for CS. Basically, I want all the feedback on the ideas as possible. I’m not sure at this point, if Rich is reading through the material. He might just be saving it toward a future date.In the last couple of days since last writing, we’ve talked to a few people. We got someone good for mortgage loan through our bank, and we have someone else we’re talking to about an alternate house also in Shorewood, that seems similar to the one at Shorewood Glen, but it seems perhaps less expensive and most likely a regular community not one for seniors. We had an appointment tomorrow with the mortgage person to check credit, but that was too quick for Rich. We have maintained our plan to meet with the Realtor on Saturday morning at 10 am to look at two models for alternative housing.
I’m not sure if the property is as well built as the first, but the second company is more apt to come down on price – already have – and they are more likely to add incentives. We’ll have to wait and see. I talked to Rich about going to Elgin to see a model of the two houses on Saturday and left it up to him whether or not he wants to go with. Most likely not, but if not … I’ll be off dreaming by myself most of the morning. It’s going to take about 75 minutes to get to Elgin. It’s where we used to live when we were still married.
Dear Connie Sue,
I figure it's been a couple days since talking, but we've been pretty busy of late. The attached is the note I sent to Rich this morning before work, then the lower part is the note I sent to Dr. Marvin. You are getting the next level ... for your information only. We're in general at a high frustration point or at least the family is with Rich's Mom ... the basics is that if we had a home somewhere between work and there place, we could do a lot of care giving by having them stay at our place during the difficult times. The house we're looking at is single floor and has one extra bedroom for Bud and one extra bedroom for his Mom. It's pretty obvious that Bud has to many anger issues to be dealing with this on his own. Rich knows his inheritance is $40,000. It's not a lot, but it's like a million because with it we could put down 10% on this house. Rich's credit should go through, and then it will be arranged it’s his house and I'm contributing $1000 a month to it.
There's more to it than that, but it’s the basic. Some of this was discussed with Dr. Marvin yesterday and some we thought of on the way home.
This is the place we are fighting for ... basically I see it as she can lose all the money paying for a nursing home or she can give rich enough to put for a down payment where she can live 0-100% of the time with or without her husband. Just think Rich and I can handle her frailness and alcoholism better than Bud ... want all his help but we don't need him so frustrated he is going to hurt her. Ya know?
But, yes ... part of it is just that I WANT THE HOUSE!!! It's really loaded :)
Write back when you can. I called mom and john yesterday will call them back today to ask them more money questions. I did ask if they had $20,000 lying around, but *sigh* they said they could do $2000. I turned it down yesterday, but not think it could pay the interest loss from taking the money out of CDs early. Maybe? We could grab the house that's built now for $330,000 and move in a month or we could build a foundation in March and move in July or August. I know you are going to see the money the same as me. It just feels practical. Ok, ya know that too
http://www.pulte.com/delwebb/communities/il/shorewood/shorewood-glen/plans/camden.aspx
love you,
Mi
Dear Dr. Marvin,
Yesterday turned out to be another tough day with Rich's Mom and Bud. Rich was really overwhelmed and angry, but we talked as he was driving home and then we worked on relaxation after he got home. It turned out pretty good all considering, but doesn't make the problem go away. The hardest part of yesterday was that Bud and Rich's mom got into another situation. He has spent a couple days there where he is there about 4 hours. The major incident yesterday was that he had taken her out for a smoke, and most likely she pressed, but she ended up in their vehicle instead of normally how it has been done where she comes out in a wheel chair and then has a smoke or a little more, and then goes back in. Because she was in their vehicle, she demanded that she have 3 cigarettes, and Bud said no, so then she refused to get out of the vehicle and it ended up in another power struggle. Bud manhandled her to get out of the car and in the process, she got a sprained ankle so has set back the course of rehab. Plus it adds doubt as to their level of being able to work together without the "abusive" nature that I've been thinking through. She is demanding and he is as hardheaded as her, but is not afraid to use physical and emotional force on her.
It's a very bad situation. Yesterday when we talked to you we talked about that something was going to happen because of all these variables, and that the situation would get worse before it gets better. On the way home last night from your place - I thought through this newer part of thoughts as expressed in the Loan information doc. Basically, the thing would be to set up a situation where we'd get the house, and instead of them having to move, we would gradually work our way into it by setting up their two bedrooms and bath, give them the keys and then as much as they could tolerate each other they could be together at their place, but besides the times we were working Rich and I could be having one or two of them over in sleep-over’s. That way they'd keep their independence as much as could be handled, but we'd all be graduating them over to getting our extra support. See thing would be that Bud wouldn't have to move out of their place as long as he independently wanted to be there.
I've got so many thoughts running through my head we're having a hard time keeping up with them. Read the attached doc and there's some more stuff put together more systematically over this morning early hours. Like we said after Rich distressed through talking on his way home, we mostly just put everything aside and let him zone out on TV ... while giving some massages both ways :) He's been up now for about a half hour and he's watching his fishy shows. That always seems to make him feel better.
It seemed in general the most doable that we make the transition to the place that's already built, because this situation is escalating so fast.
Rich's complaint at first nod was that moving is one of the most stressful things, but my thought is that we've moved before ... we'll do it again and if its taking off stress of caring for an elderly parent then it will in general be less stressful then if we didn't think through options like this. The other major obstacle is just thinking of how in general we are going to be able to maintain a mortgage. I think one of the advantages there is that Rich is paying down his second mortgage with an extra $1000 he's got coming in. He was then thinking of paying off his boat, but the thing would be that that extra $1000 could be the extra that goes to the new house mortgage ... as we calculated the costs this morning it looks like the mortgage, taxes, and insurance on a 30 year at 5.5% would come in at about $21000 per month. He'd get tax credit and we'd be giving half of that money. The new house is in good condition and should come with appliances so that would be putting us in a pretty good situation as to immediate needs. There would be the extra $7000 to work through closing costs, a couple of new beds and hopefully the cost of fixing the one long garden room to be smoking adequate.
Hmm, we've only got about 10 minutes now and we're going to need going through the getting dressed for work part. I've been up working through stuff since about 3 am ... I'll probably nap before Rich gets in tonight. He's got a game and won't be in until late. You know I range in the normal problems. I had been doing good getting work done, but then with this kind of stuff my mind keeps rubbing over it trying to figure things out. Just that's the way my minds work. *Sigh*
Probably should try to get myself emotionally ready to slow down some to get back into the regular schedule. I have a couple calls that I will be doing today. One is to the place out in Shorewood. And, then the other is back to my Mom and John. I want to run through some numbers with them.
Whoops gotta go ... was looking for a few moments about the extra stuff in the house ready to go. It's really a nicely packaged house. Ok, that’s it then ... has a nice day ... hopefully we'll be able to focus on some work today too.
*sigh*
Our love and adoration,
Mi
loan information
loan amount $300,000
interest rate 5.5%
%
term(years) 30
property information
property price $333,000
let the system estimate property taxes, hazard insurance, and private mortgage insurance yes no
annual property tax $3330
annual hazard insurance $999
monthly private mortgage insurance $130
Principal and Interest $1,703.37
Monthly Insurance $130.00
Monthly Taxes $277.50
Monthly Hazard Insurance $83.25
Total Payment $2,194.12
yearly mortgage payment
Year Beginning Balance Interest Payment Ending Balance
1 300000 16399 20440 295959
2 295959 16171 20440 291690
3 291690 15930 20440 287179
4 287179 15676 20440 282415
5 282415 15407 20440 277382
6 277382 15123 20440 272065
7 272065 14823 20440 266448
8 266448 14507 20440 260514
9 260514 14172 20440 254245
10 254245 13818 20440 247623
11 247623 13445 20440 240627
12 240627 13050 20440 233237
13 233237 12633 20440 225430
14 225430 12193 20440 217182
15 217182 11728 20440 208469
16 208469 11236 20440 199265
17 199265 10717 20440 189541
18 189541 10168 20440 179269
19 179269 9589 20440 168418
20 168418 8977 20440 156954
21 156954 8330 20440 144844
22 144844 7647 20440 132051
23 132051 6925 20440 118536
24 118536 6163 20440 104259
25 104259 5358 20440 89176
26 89176 4507 20440 73243
27 73243 3608 20440 56411
28 56411 2659 20440 38629
29 38629 1656 20440 19844
30 19844 596 20440 0
Cumulative values
Rental assumptions
Monthly rent payment 900
Monthly renters insurance premium 15
Annual percentage rate increase 2%
Purchase assumptions
Purchase price of home 333,000
Percentage annual appreciation rate ?
Amount of loan 300,000
Percent annual interest rate 5.5%
Term (in years) 30
Annual homeowner’s insurance premium 210
Annual property taxes 278
Annual maintenance cost 178
Other assumptions
Number of years for comparison 30
Marginal tax bracket 20%
We would save approximately $122,236 (in today’s dollars by renting, rather than buying a home over the 30 year timeframe, but if we rented, we would not have anything invested. $122,236/30 – This is an additional $4075 per year or an additional cost of $340
Analysis
Rent and fees 445,438
Mortgage payments 613212
+ property insurance 6300
+ property taxes 8340
+maintenance 5340
+opportunity cost (equity) N/A
+tax savings 65,518
+appreciation N/A
= total cost 445,438 567,674
Difference ($122,236)
CD information
Income and debt obligations
Current combined annual income 10400
Monthly auto payments 900
Other monthly obligations 6000
New Loan Assumptions
Annual interest rate on new mortgage 5.5%
Term of new mortgage (years) 30
Funds available for a down payment 33,300
Estimated annual property taxes 3336
Estimated annual homeowner’s insurance 2136
Including your down payment it appears you may qualify for home valued around $333000.
Concerning the CDs. Making some assumptions such as their $80,000 CD is in for 5 years, and assuming an interest rate around 3.25, and assuming that the interest is withdrawn and not reinvested – they probably couldn’t be making any more than $250 a month … this might need to be checked. This would be the interest on 80,000, though only half of this amount is being considered. The penalty for early withdrawal is usually between 3-6 month interests lost, but sometimes they can be given a waiver by a personal banker if it is an emergency situation such as providing alternative housing for someone in your mom’s condition. There would most likely also be an addition in income for the year, but not be as much for them because their income level is low and some might be a gift? I don’t know, I will talk to John (Mom) today to verify this information and to ask about how much of a tax hit they would take. John’s an accountant. Mom and John have offered a couple thousand dollars to help. We could give that money to Bud and your mother to compensate their lost – and that would give my folks a feeling of helping too.
Again, as we mentioned last night the idea would be to not threaten your Mom and Bud with having to move, but we would have more options in as many stay-over’s as is necessary, until the day they may or may not decide to live with us. By that time many of the bugs would be worked out with us all having more contact and lasting through evolving changes. Bud would be given a key to our house so that he might come over at any time with Mom. If we were there – Bud could leave her – including overnights and weekends. We would establish right away that Bud and your Mom would each have their own room and bath – beds set up so that they can stay anytime overnight that they would like. Bud would also be given full access to do whatever work or conversions in the basement area. This way we can help them and Bud and her could take breaks from each other – thus reducing pressure. We can also help – as may Bud by getting her to AA meetings. That might be a condition – which she has to try. I understand that you are going to try showing her how fruitless her move to another nursing home might be, and we’ll see what happens in that situation. Bud and she can choose to sell or keep their place as long as they can. The cost of having our place (semi-resort and sitting ;) is that they have only half interest payment ($125 instead of $250).
I don’t think this is going to be easy, but I believe it will be less stressful if we can contribute our time and space to Bud and your mom. We can work through the processes of independence without demanding dependence on them … we can take them just when they need the help. Your mom is going to go through problems whether they are alone or with help in the nursing home, with Bud, or with us. But, of the 3 – we’re the strongest in the group. We also have to remain cognizant that as well-meaning as is possible for nursing home staff – it’s a tough situation to trust her care when they are underpaid, overcrowded and overworked – plus then add your mother could have a negative effect on strangers because of her demanding.
Optimally, Bud would be able at minimum to handle during the days, but if care needed down the line to be given, it would be easier from our place. Plus Sr. has always been helpful in assisting people with time constraints, so that maybe we could both work 1 or 2 days at home – one at a time to stay with your mom or sometimes on same days to share the ride. We would also have to find a psychiatrist to assist your mother with her depression and drug withdrawal. Likely some medicine would help to keep her calm, like my anxiety medicines help us. It would be a lot less stressful if you can feel you are helping, you could do it from the comfort of your home – so as to be working from there or catching sleep if woken at odd times. You can also more easily share me with your Mom so I can help, like now I’m helping by looking for alternatives because I know you are stressed with the emotions of having your mom go through these things. When we’re both relaxed we can transfer information from both sides and you can have better knowledge and stress relief to make the decisions or encourage them with your folks as needs to take place. I don’t mean to take anything over though I do want a house. I see mostly that helping your mom and bud is going to improve the quality of our lives if not just out of empathy over the aging human condition. I’m sometimes sorry that I’m so analytical, but this is part of me and I’m offering you this as part of the deal. I know you think there are a zillion things … but there’s probably only about 650 or so … so we can work through those one at a time like we’re going to work with your mom one hour at a time when necessary. One more thought while we’re at it … It might be good for the three of us to go to AA meetings for partners so we can all learn how to handle the enabling.
So in the meantime, we could purchase the home that is already built and be ready to move in 30 days. We would ask for $40,000 from your Mom and at 10% down, we would have 7000 left to help with immediate needs in moving and or setting things up like in preparing the smoking room and purchasing a couple of beds. Everything else would have to be status quo.
posted by Ann Marie @ 1/21/2010 12:33:00 PM
Comments: 0
