Ayn's Multiple World

Some hard time - clicking shoes wanna go home

Good morning. This is me and we’re pretty much into the day, but we’re just starting and it’s already 9:30 am. We’re probably not going to get to the sewing too much today and then before you know it Rich is going to be coming for me tomorrow. I just got off the phone with him. He’s doing laundry and making business calls and he’s got a list of things to do … he’s going to take my computer in, stop and get his mail and the laundry and he’s going to go to the grocery store. He’s making a big turkey for Bob, Marsha and me for New Year’s day. He’s such a hard working guy.

He sounds ok, and in general just into the movement of his day. I guess that Bob was eager to have him come back, but Rich said he had to get some stuff done. He’s going to be over there hopefully about 3 pm and I think they’ll play some cards and he’s going to eat dinner over there. That be a nice thing for him to do. Again, I hope that Bob doesn’t get too used to him, because then maybe he’ll be resentful when I come back. *Sigh* I hope not.

I talked to Rich about the situation last night again, but I told Rich I wouldn’t express it all here so that we might maintain Bob’s privacy, so we’re going to honor that. I’ll have to check it later to assure that we’ve done that all along. I’m figuring at one point we were figuring out his situation out loud.

Ok, Hi we’re back again. It’s now Thursday New Year’s Eve. I haven’t been doing too much this morning. It’s about 11 am. We just finally took our medicine. Hmm Connie Sue is up. It’s a good thing for her to have come out of the room. She’d been up earlier to get some blood work done. She went with Mark. Because she came home and moved so well and then this move, I know that she can get around better than she is making out, but everyone has to “heal” at their own rate. She’s already let me know in her own way that we’re not doing so much, but we’re really not.

I’m like around and have been doing small things, but really small things. I haven’t gone back this morning yet to do the fabric work. I had asked her if she had a project that she wanted to work on next. She prefaced something spring like so we found two that we’re identical except the background so she took the darker one. It took me a long while to read the directions. I had to get a feel for it and then there was some confusion because some of the directions were in one bag and some were in the other bag.

It is a block of the month club and we only finished the first month. We were working through some of the natural difficulties and then we worked through systems with the new label maker. I thought that was kind of fun. I am going to need some more pins though because the labels aren’t great for sticking. Cs says there is another cartridge that is made more for fabrics, but I have to pin them on anyway if there is more than one piece.

CS came in and sat down on the big chair and she turned my tv channel. I would like to think this is her house and she can do whatever she wants. But, I’m still having a little adjustment problem from the changed tack. I had just gotten to the point we were using the computer anyway, so that helps everything be a little better.

Poor CS she continues to complain about the dogs behavior, but its more like a whining, self-pitying instead of helpful in training the dogs. I know they can be better in that I’ve got them now so they will sit while I eat and we don’t encourage the pettying of the dogs during eating time. She takes a long time to eat too so that’s difficult for them, and she feeds them periodically while she eats so they are always waiting for their next bite. Sometimes I will let them clean a plate, but not all the time nor will I feed them most times so they don’t get used to the part where they should hang around for food.

Hmm, Rich just called. He had said about 45 minutes, but we added on another 15 minutes because he was going to stop and pick up subway sandwiches. Connie Sue was up and then she just woke up Uncle Mark. I thought it was a little too early, but she runs the house. She just asked him to make a pot of coffee.

In the meantime, I walked around the house several times and I got the stuff I need to take home put together in one spot. I have a bag for the clothes I washed while here, and I had the two small backpacks for electronics, scissors and medicine and such. One I’d forgotten here before and has my coffee cup. WoohOOO!!! I put on my shoes and socks and put in place the fabric I’d brought and then the light and dark flower fabric I’d started to cut. CS asked and I said I’d work on both at home. I put away the cutting stuff I’d taken out. Hmm, what else? There were my boots and I will need my coat and scarf, and anything else? Oh yes, very important … I got my Christmas present bag. I’m for sure going to want that!

Better remember my phone too or we’d have to come back for that. I’ll put it in my pocket now.

Hmm, I don’t think CS is so happy that Rich is almost here. She’s got her eyes closed now, but I know she isn’t asleep because of the tiny movements. Her face is wearing a very unhappy smile. I don’t know if she’s in much pain when sitting still. I think she gets sharp pains when she moves. I think she’s taking too much pain medicine to be sleeping this much. There is no way she should be sleeping non-stop unless she was drugged. If she was just going to sleep she should have stayed in the bedroom.

Ok, that’s mean thinking you! Just then it makes the rest of the house have to be quiet not to disturb her and we’re held hostage by her tv channel we’d rather not be watching. Hmm, there we go Mark woke her up just opening the bathroom door. Mark stopped to say you are sleeping and she said she’s trying to will away her headache.

I don’t know if we’ve made progress since being kids where she always says she’s in pain, but more when … ok, I’m not going to say it. I don’t want to be mean or distrustful. She just asked Mark to make her coffee and for a couple of popsicles.

Then she sent him back for an ice cube. Now Mark is disappearing. I’m think she was right not to ask me for all that. I’m here to help, but I’m not as friendly as Mark. When she’s got the stuff that makes her happy, she shows no sign of being in pain.

I tried to start other conversations like I told her that Rich’s Mom has been hurt, and both times I brought it up as something that naturally concerns me, she told me about 2 other people that had some version of what Rich’s mother is going through.

In that aspect she’s very like my mother. Conversations revolve around her. Right now the only conversation is in responding can I do this or that for you, or the part that says something to make you think she’s concerned about putting you out.

She knows about how much she can put and we’re not really giving her a lot of space. If she has an obvious need, we jump up like to put her dishes away or let out the dogs, or feed them, or empty the dishwasher, or get her food. I think I’m not such a giving person so that all this is pressing on my nerves. I think if she wanted to walk the extra few feet to the kitchen she could do that.

I had asked her what did the doctor say for recovery and she said he said that she should keep her feet up, but when we asked ourselves the same question to the doctor, he only said she should walk as tolerated. It was a different kind of message. I also asked about the walker and he shook his head and said it was unnecessary although it seemed to make her feel better. I think she is going to incorporate it in her everyday life. She paid an extra couple of hundred. She’s supposed to be healed within a couple of weeks, but I think this is going to get stretched out. She said something about see how much Mark sleeps and was unable to help her, but he HAS been helping - in most ways more than me. Every time he is up and around and not sleeping or working, he checks in with her. He doesn’t say anything or complain … it’s like here you go dear.

There was a little brouhaha last night. Mark called CS while he was working at the church because his mother was calling him. CS played it off as if it was someone else’s fault, but basically, she’d written something men about her in-law in the facebook and she didn’t want to take it down or apologize for it. I caught it a few days ago and told her, do you know they can see that. She tried to make out like I was wrong, but she knew what she was doing. Even last night after it had blown up … she refused to take it down because she said that it was true.

Mark later came home and said something about it, so I showed her what the mom was seeing. He shook his head in dismay and talked about what it would take to take his facebook down because it only had caused him trouble although this part was coming from CS. I showed him how to take down his site. Then he was talking about that it wasn’t important that he had a mom relationship if she threw him away so easy as Nancy coming in and taking over his family relation and the mom giving him up for something his wife did.

Basically, I think it’s a play between the two women. They are both vying for Mark’s attention. Mark then before going back to the Harry Potter show that I’d fallen asleep to the day before had marked it and stopped it until he could show it to me again. So we watched that with him and we felt more interested in it. It was hard for us to see because they did the whole thing in a really dark screened room(s). But, we were interested in the story.

Before that though, Mark said something about being really good friends and that I should call him and call him often. I didn’t know how to take that because if CS found I was having a friendship with her husband without her in the middle of it, then that would upset her. I confirmed to Mark that I was very serious about giving back in a relationship to him, but that my first priority had to be my sister, because if anything happened between them whether I thought she was right or wrong (like last time) I’d have to be maintaining a relationship with her.

I think this was prefaced that I don’t think that CS is always sane. I gave him a few examples of stuff she was doing that wasn’t good for her, him, or me for that matter. He understood and in some aspects I thought that I was protecting her even though I was seeing so many faults. It was like I have to be making an effort to work with them and not abandon her again. But, I need Mark too to hold onto some kind of sanity. Not that he or I are greatly sane, but it seemed important to have some kind of check and balance.

I think that Connie Sue is just so manipulative and its hard to learn how to deal with that … I was better this time, in that it came up a couple of times and I told her that we couldn’t mix money – borrow from her because Dr. Marvin said that it was better that we keep it separate. I don’t think she liked that, but seems to have taken it in. I will pay her back the $680, but after that we got to be stopped.

Hmm, Rich just called. He had trouble finding the Subway. CS clarified he should have gone left after getting on Paradise and that it was in the same parking lot as the Walmart. I’m going to be so happy to see him. I just wanna go home. I’m just too complainy to be any good to her or Mark. CS is now back to feigning sleep. It cuts off conversation. I suppose though that I’m doing the same because I’m concentrating on the typing. *sigh. Just not a good situation for me. I don’t like it how she stationed herself out here in these situation – like assuming that I wanted to watch her sleep or to be watching her show. It was like I wasn’t giving her enough attention when she was in her bedroom. I know that after I leave she’ll go back to bed. I noticed that Mark disappeared to his bath or bed too. It was like if he wasn’t taking care of her, nor could have a conversation with me then there was no use to him being up. *sigh* I just wanna go home.

I think we’re good to go … just gotta think our way through it. Everything is off the table, off the counters, we checked the plug-ins. I just have to make sure my typing is taken down. I have been very appreciative of having this computer to use while I’m here. I’m going to hope that Rich has his computer too, but I can’t bet on that. He knows that I’ve been using it while mine was down, but I’m not sure if he would have thought ahead or just thought I’d be talking to him.

Hmm, when he said it’s exactly what I was looking for on CS show, then she opened her eyes to see. I wish it didn’t have to be like this between us. It’s just that

I have trouble being in her inner world and she seems to be needing that right now.

There’s nothing between us right now that’s like in a regular world conversation.

Everything she says is manipulative as to filling her needs. I think we talked to Dr. Marvin about it … how do we know we’re not that much different.

Mark came in to give her attention and now she’s like please honey don’t do that … no I don’t want to stand up and stay off my bed and such.

Ok stuff stuff. She’s so crabby around him. And, she uses something I would say against him. Like I asked what he was doing with his sleep apnea because he said he wasn’t staying asleep, but then she came in and said he wasn’t doing anything. She used it as an opportunity to complain.

Mark told her we wanted to watch another channel, and then she said no and that her show was almost over. So there will be at least 15 minutes with it. It showed inflexibility toward the needs of others. I said something to him and she said, What? And, then looked dismayed when I said I had said something to mark. He’s like here on the floor with the dog. I don’t think he knows what to do with himself in this situation. When he fades to the dog or she goes to the TV.

She just interceded in another conversation. He said something about what kind of peanut butter they have due to a commercial, then she stated why they get the peanut butter they do. It was meant to kill the conversation and leave me out.

We just gave Rich a call … he’s got the food and is about 5 minutes from here. Oh Lordy, we’re so happy. I think we’re going to need closing down the computer now … so until then … we’re going to stop by and visit his mother in the hospital. I don’t know if I said that or not, but after we left she fell and broke her wrist and cracked a rib and then she’s got pneumonia. I’m really worried about her and will be eager to visit. We’re doing it right after we leave here. Just its going to take a couple to three hours. Soon though right?

posted by Ann Marie @ 12/31/2009 12:53:00 PM Comments: 0