Ayn's Multiple World

Saturday had plenty of writing not much else, but GYM!

Good morning. This is me and it’s a bit into the morning. Rich had gotten up in the night and slept then in the living room, and I fought with the cats who woke me up every 5 minutes until I got up at 6:30 am. Then we laid down and slept a bit on the couch after we massaged Rich who had crawled back into the bed. *Sigh* He’s so sweet! Then we were up and down in consciousness laying in the living room. About the time Rich got up we had made it over to the computer at the drafting table and we did the email and Facebook things. We also took our medicine and started the dishwasher. So about there … here we are.

Rich is checking his email now and his banking. We had had fishing in the background, but now I think he’s got as fade away sound Discover Wisconsin in the background. I’m not really up to too much though we’d gone over with Rich several times how much we would LOVE to have our pictures up on the walls. Sheesh! I think there’s hope because he’s going to the hardware store to get a tool kit for Jon, so maybe he will get picture hooks and a stud finder. He’s still hem-hawing, but this lack of pictures has been going on for 2 months now. AND, his and our kids are going to be in during the holidays. Sure would like to have things done.

Hmm, we just moved over to the couch. Rich said that after I got done with the desk that he might use it, but he has to go downstairs to see if his computer cord is in the car. I had enough of sitting up in a chair for a while. He made us a little grouchy, because he was pushing that we dust so then he could vacuum, but last week he vacuumed on Sunday so I’m not going to be pushed around to do something on his schedule when he won’t work on mine. Hmm, I wonder if I can skip dusting until he gets the pictures up? That’s an idea. Ok, not really a mean person here … just that I want it finished.

We talked a little about the bedroom furniture again. He had been looking at the bank statement and said something about if I hadn’t used the money for Christmas I would have some saved up. And, of course that led to our wanting bedroom furniture again. He tried giving us some trouble about saying that we have enough furniture.

It was then like … we are GETTING RID of some more stuff – there will be plenty of room! He said I could spend that part of my money as I liked – there’s like no way we’re not getting it if we have enough money. And, if we don’t we’ll put this money on reserve until we have enough. We also talked about putting CS money aside. One way or another … we’re going to have pretty much what we want. There is a strong will toward it.

I talked to CS about the note and she was pretty much in a foggy place … she said she didn’t know how much money had been spent or owed. Sheesh that sure didn’t help, so we figured with Dr. Marvin the four things that we are pretty sure of … that’s like $230 for fabric, $80 for class, $200 for weekend, and $170 for sewing machine. That all comes out to $680. I know CS had said before that she didn’t need to be paid back for some of it, but then she didn’t turn it down when we offered to pay. I think things are a little more restrictive. I guess her mortgage went for $900 to $1800. I’m sure that’s gotta hurt. I can’t tolerate to think of Mark working so hard without paying her back.

I will feel much better after the accounts don’t get so murky. We talked to Dr. Marvin quite a bit this week as to things going on with CS. The money was just part of it. Dr. Marvin said that she didn’t know how to be a sister so that I was going to have to teach her things … I don’t know how to be a sister either. We do know now that certain things have to be kept a little more even. Like NO getting thin from her on account. There shouldn’t be any money deals going on between us.

Except the part where we are paying her back. I will feel better about doing it after the furniture is bought. I know that might seem a little backward, but we are pretty intent. She is like it doesn’t matter when – just whenever. We want an end to it and to be on equal financial grounds again. I don’t know if she sees how important this is to me, but I know it is … so we’ll have to handle things on that level.

I’m not going to remember everything that was said at Dr. Marvin’s, but one of the things was that he felt that CS did things to basically ingratiate herself – and to make sure we kept coming back. We don’t want to come back though just because she does nice things. He said too that some of the things she does is to make us feel guilty … so like if she brings us something then we have to feel guilty if she then asks and we don’t pay back. I don’t want to sound trite here, but there are things in the dynamics between us that have to be worked out – so we don’t get grumpy at each other.

Dr. Marvin said she does things to get attention – like not taking care of herself until things until things got very bad, and like what we’d just mentioned.

Basically, I have to be conscious of things. Dr. Marvin says that I’m doing pretty good with things so far … just especially the money part we have to watch. I think that if we give her money for the weekend that it will be used to pay down debt, because I’m thinking that that’s another fuzzy area. I don’t know how much else was spent with the fabric store, just that even with the above $230 – some of that was hers. I did pay for the big bill $320 or so for the first time we got the fabric for the batiks, and I think the $230 covers the next time when we got back fabric.

It was a lot. I think the black stuff was like 9 yards at $9 per yard. There was four more at a yard each and then 4-5 more yards of the brown. I am thinking now that the black was all for the front between the fishes and stuff. I’m sure it covers more. I think CS got stuff on the $170 too. But, then I know the machine came to $200 – plus tax most likely, and there was some little stuff like I know we got the threads she thought we needed and those threads we’re like $50 for the bunch.

So, I feel between this kind of stuff and the $50 passed over that I’ve paid for somethings already. There is no doubt though that she’s been giving us stuff.

There’s stuff like batting, the little case for the notions as well as case for the sewing machine, the stuff for curtains and design board, notions like scissors and cutters and boards and such. There’s just been a whole lot invested into things. I feel like I paid off already the stuff like fixing of the sewing machine … her having up’d us to private rooms … I’m not doing that one, because I didn’t ask for it. Ok, this kind of stuff is going to really mess me up. I don’t want to nickel and dime the situation. I think considering she wasn’t expecting any of this back – or maybe she was … but, fact is $680 is a lot of money … should be fine.

Hmm, Rich is now immersed in the closet looking for a coat. There’s Christmas music playing and a glacial lake on the TV. I guess all is in about order. Hmm, he found a coat that CS gave me that I forgot about. Hmm, he found some Christmas stuff too. I didn’t remember that we had it. There’s just a few little things that we could put about – it’s kinda nice though – I wonder if Rich is going to put them somewhere. He’s a little more into Christmas decorating that we are. I’m like blah humbug! It’s like if I can’t do it right, I don’t want to do it at all.

Ahh … I just put the picture of the TV with wall background up across this document (Word). It’s very nice. I’m so looking forward to getting it. Not so sure that Rich is going to like putting it all together again, but then maybe Bob will volunteer to help some again. We still haven’t gone to his house, but maybe now in the next couple weeks with all the Christmas happenings.

I should probably be doing some quilting this morning too – whoops afternoon, morning has passed. I think Rich is going to want to go to the gym at about 3 pm.

Ok, that’s done. Rich said he wouldn’t put the ornaments up and that it had been my job. So, we did that the best we could. There weren’t a whole lot of them - just enough. I think we made some growly ground. We argued a bit about the pictures going up. I think we’ve made ground in that he said to put them where they should go and we’ll figure out what they need before we purchase stuff we don’t need. So, I said fine and that I would do it when he goes out grocery shopping. Then I could call him and he’d stop by the hardware store. It took a lot of beseeching. I’m extra frustrated because while I was working on Sr. Theresa’s quilt last night the back design board came down again and I think it’s going to get ruined if I don’t attach it proper.

While we were at it … I pushed for the quilt going up on the wall in the kitchen with some kind of large closet hanging type pole. I’m going to have to measure that so it can be ready. He said I thought you were going to use that for covering yourself and I was quick to say – after I get the fish one finished we’ll change up, but the pole will be the same. I decided that because the fabric is holding pin pricks that it’s going to get ruined by the cats if we have it on our bed. Don’t want that to happen. I really dislike blank empty white walls. It’s like no one lives here or something.

I also asked him for his kids pictures so I can put them up on the wall opposite in the hallway. He’s trying to say that we’re big people and would knock them over.

It’s like … um in almost 10 years here I have never walked into the wall. He’s trying to be just obstinate. I liked better when he confessed he didn’t like doing this kind of thing. Just once dear … just once and it will take care of itself, hmm?

Ok, we just went through some more growly stuff, I keep thinking small things are advancing. I’m putting my foot down pictures or bust! Gym? Well, dear it depends are we putting up pictures? I waited for him to come out of the shower and then we jumped him looking for pictures. He really does have just a few. He said that he would ask Chris for some, but he wasn’t very specific when we asked when??? I want to put up a collage on the wall. Ok, we just said that didn’t we. Well, we do!

I’m thinking that I’ll have some kind of material in the back to make frames for them because they seem in all kinds of sizes. I sure would wish to put up some pictures before his kids came in. I don’t know if we can make it happen that fast.

He doesn’t have many though … I don’t know if we can make it happen yet. This is making me grumpy again. HMPF! AND, he won’t let me put up soccer pictures and those are the pictures we have the most of. Double Hmpf!

Ok, maybe better get off that part again. I have to take some measurements. Was that what we were going to do last time up? Better wait until he goes so I can maintain a good mood. We looked direct in his eyes when he was putting the lotion on and it was like we should like each other and not argue so much … and then we were like … oh I forgot you always have to have things your way. Then he gave me a kiss and said something about being cute or something. I know there is going to be more arguing when he sees pictures going up on one way or another. I don’t know if he just left yet. He might have. I’ll give it just one or two more minutes. I’m in a planning mood now. I think he’s still here. He was like ok, we’ll just do one wall now … WHAT WHAT … I don’t think so! They ALL go up! Definitely he’s still here … or the cat is being noisy. Nah that’s Rich he’s checking for groceries.

I’m kinda lookin forward to figuring the pictures out. I would one day love to frame the pictures the kids made back in first and second grade we’re still holding onto. But, we’ll have to wait until we’re rich … umm that’s not right now. We don’t have enough room for all that now either. When I live in our BIG house on day, they will go up … there will be lots of rooms to decorate – or hallways. Now it’s a little like crowding them in, but that’s part of living in an apartment … just got so much room.

I don’t think we’ve had any real big important thoughts yet this morning. Just the pictures. He won’t tell me yet if we’ve gotten the keyboard … that part is hard too. Why can’t he just tell me if he’s ordered them? Ok, now we’re being a little frowny again. I should take a shower after we get done placing pictures. Maybe we’re going to have to go to the hardware store with him. I’m not sure if we’re going to get by with being a cost or if he’s going to make me pay for them. *Sigh*
I forgot we’ve got those curtain hangers down in the car. Ok, better make that later too. There’s no way he’s going to bring groceries up the same day as those extra plastic bin CS sent home. I wonder if we are going to get Christmas wrapping paper. I think we need to put together the things we will put together for Ame and Isa. Maury was like … I don’t know if they can come over – because it is Lauren’s weekend that we are trying to get together with the kids. That would be pretty rotten though. I hope he’s asking at least for the time. I think she’s planning to be out with friends and leaving the kids for the mother. I don’t see why that should be a problem then because she gets them all the time.

Ok, better not work ourselves into a tether. We finally get a gift that’s really good and we don’t get to give it to them that would be just so unfair it would be unbelievable.

No more Christmas music. Rich is back and we’re having sandwiches and he’s watching fishy shows before he goes out. Ok, don’t complain how he doesn’t spread the Miracle Whip to the corners 

Maybe I’m a little frustrated because I was getting myself ready to work and now it seems like we’re regressing and then he’s going to say it’s time to go to the gym, but no picture progress has been made. Doesn’t he have some thought of completion? I know I know … he does a lot of stuff. Just when he puts off one he does it really well. I’m serious about doing it myself if he doesn’t do it. It’s just going to get done however!

I guess that’s about how we felt last night finishing Sr.’s quilt. It’s just going to happen HOWEVER! No use thinking about what we don’t know how to do on our first quilt. Just has to get done, right?

Hmm, Rich just asked if I would buy a big lake like that for him. I said sure. Because I want it on the record that we ARE a nice person 

Hmm, it still looks pretty snowy. We just talked to Rich about Maury maybe not being able to bring the girls here. I think he’s all for holding back on Maury’s gift until the girls are around. Just doesn’t seem fair. I think we’d gone all the way from July to November without seeing them. It’s just so unfair. Ok, we’re doing it again we’re getting frustrated. There’s no sense in that … just that if we’ve managed some kind of holiday … be polite for him to bring the kids?

I sure hope I didn’t make a mistake. Rich said just now to make sure we’re not disappointed if the kids don’t like their gifts because kids are kids. But, there’s just no way they couldn’t like their gifts, Hmm?

Hmm, just had another Rich encounter. We told him we’d like not to be so growly with him. Then he said something about putting something on a list so we thought we better confirm things. He said that I was going to find out what exactly we needed and then we said … why don’t we go to the gym about 3 pm when you get back and then we can go to the hardware store together. And, he was like we still don’t know what we need … and I said there will be certain things like the pole for the quilt and then he went out grumbling because it was a half a day job. Shoot, doesn’t this at least come in as a getting prepared for the holidays task?

But, for now he’s gone so we better get going if we’re going to place the pictures out AND take a shower before he gets home. We’re going to have to do our part too.

If I get my way on which pictures go out … then I’m going to have to give him say so on how things get done. JUST if I decide 3 pictures on a wall I don’t want to hear him say I’m only going to do ONE picture. Oh, please me stay calm!

Ok, better. We’ve done the map putting by their location, measured the quilt and its wall, and we took our shower. I pretty much like the way we’ve got them, but I had to take a few pictures from the bedroom – those will be moved around anyway because of the redecorating that’s going to happen there. One of Rich’s pictures has separated from its frame so I don’t know what’s going to happen to that one.

And, I’m not going to be able to put the boys’ old portrait pictures up unless I move things around there. I think that might happen, because I’m so attached to them. It’s hard to tell when we’ll be able to have them up again in some other arrangement. I’ll wait a bit, but mentally, I’m putting together their new arrangement.

I think the two other odd shapes will go with the clock wall over the dishwasher and that will leave room for the others. Just have to make sure I leave space for Rich’s pictures. I want his to take up the whole wall opposite of my kids’ pictures. I think it will work out. I know that there is a lot of busyness in my place, but we think of it like a captain’s ship where things have be filled in and anchored down to make things work. I sure hope the kids support Rich getting pictures. He says there are a lot at his old house. It’s going to take an act of God for Chris to do this much for his father. Just thinking how much it took to get Rich’s chair here.

Gotta believe in the kid though. He’s after all Rich’s son 

I’m starting to feel a little more hopeful. I have a few more things to do though in the kitchen. I want to add those last pictures, empty the dishwasher, put the kitty food in its bin and tie up the garbage – and just go over the counter once.

Wow … we’re really letting that stack up. But, alas I still need some breaks between moving around too much. I’ve got a cat rubbing up against the back of my neck too … that has to be given a little breathing room.

I think Rich is going to want some frames for some of his fishing pictures too.

They have curled up a little around the edges and I know he doesn’t want them out of kilter. Just that I love them so much around the mirror. Maybe I’m going to need think of some small stiff like framing for them. Hmm, we have some poster board!

That might do. I think Rich had something else in mind for it, but we’ll check. Maybe we can slide on that one.

We could get real creative and put some cloth around the poster board. I think I’m going to want a glue gun. Maybe that will help Rich in getting his kids pictures framed in. I’m a little worried in that they are odd shaped and won’t fit naturally in the frames with little squares. But, then if we could … we could get some 5x7’s I think that’s their sizes, if he complains too much over cost we can let him know of getting them at the dollar store. Just thing is I really want the kids’ pictures up. It’s where both Rich and us came from and it’s important to acknowledge the past even if we weren’t in each others’ past. Hmm?

Better get the kitchen finished before he brings home groceries 

There … we got all that taken care of. Just have to wait until he gets home. Place is picked up though the dusting isn’t done. I did get dressed and I talked to Bob.

He said that Rich wanted to go to the gym and so we told him the original plans were to go at 3 pm and now the plans are to go after he’s been shopping. We told him we were already dressed for it. I had just finished hooking up my electronics though so I’m thinking that’s not going to be ready before we are ready to go. I asked Bob if he wanted to come with and he said, sure why not. Hehe you go Bob!

Rich is going to have to deal with it. I know that he doesn’t want the competiveness of Bob, but Bob is HIS friend *silly grin* He needs a lot more support to get there and it’s going to take the three of us to just get one of us there. Oh oh sounds like Rich is home. How am I going to be able to go to the gym without my music? Oh dear, oh dear. And, I just sat down again … I’m not ready to get up and help him yet. Shoot I know I should. Just gotta save something for the gym.

He didn’t come in her yet to shag me in to the kitchen. I don’t know if this is good or bad. I’m sure he noticed the pictures out and about. I don’t know what he’s doing maybe I should go in there.

Ok, that’s done … I helped him put away the groceries, especially my pudding and fruit that gets taken out of the cartons. Pswhoo. Now I need a break. He seemed preoccupied. I told him about Bob calling and his son and that I’d talked to Bob.

He seemed good with the idea of Bob coming. He asked if he was meeting us over there and I told him he had to call Bob himself. Fair enough.

I’ve got the feeling it will be soon, but he’ll call people back first. No chance of my machines updating. I really have to get back in the habit of doing it daily.

Good, good. He’s teasing Bob now. Ahh now he’s telling Bob he can’t push and that Rich has got to stretch because he’s hurting. Ok It’s arranged at 3:45 and it’s 3:08 pm now. I had to remind him to call his son first. Never know how long that is going to take – though Rich doesn’t ever stay on the phone long.

This gives my machines about a half hour … maybe there’s a chance they could charge some  Happy about that. It gives Rich a chance to relax a bit too. Oh oh … son is talking about money again, but I tuned back out because Maury came in. He’s been gambling for 15 hours, so now Rich is off the phone and they are talking. I think Maury is going out after he rest and freshens up … he’s going out with his friends again.

I just interrupted … Maury said something like Lauren was totally out for the weekend and her mom and sister were watching the girls. But, then he said that there is supposed to be an overnight in Chicago. My heart sank down to my knees.

He said maybe he could get them a few hours before they go. Then he said he’s still good for the day. I told him Joe hadn’t confirmed so that we might just the 3 of us go out. I am going to pretend I’m not disappointed.

I don’t even want to go there. I don’t know how long before I can ask him again to confirm if they are not or are going to be here. It makes a big difference as to what I’m going to do or can afford to think. He went back to talking to Rich about poker. They get along better than me. At least they have something to talk about.

Sometimes I wish I had a different life. I’m sitting here feeling so angry because the boys have so little interest in being in my space. Maybe this is because I get so angry. I don’t think I do with them, but probably do seems like I get grouchy about everything.

I think though if Dr. Marvin was here he would say that I’m justified to be frustrated. I think I’m going to ask him when he will know about the girls. When did I get this way. It seems that I have to put the thoughts of having children or grandchildren out of my mind so it doesn’t make me go crazy. Why didn’t he just find out if he could get them sometime that day when the other was talking about their plans. Maybe some accommodation could have been made. If I didn’t have anything planned it would be different. Rich and Maury have been going on for about 15 minutes. I don’t think we ever talk like that between us. They are really talking. They can keep up with each other. They are interested in each other because they are both talking their love of poker and they both seem to be having fun. I think Maury wants to play with Rich. Maury spent the time at the casino, but Maury wants to play with Rich’s regular guys. Now they are talking about the charity game.

Rich just left to get dressed. I think I was over abrupt. I just said when are you going to find out … and then we like stared at each other for 10-12 seconds. And, then he said he won’t see them until Wednesday. We must have been glaring because then he said he might be able to put a call in. I think he’s using the washroom now or at least in a few moments. He came out and is sitting in Rich’s chair. I’m typing my heart away here because I’m so mad I can’t look up at him. I don’t want to hear a conversation that has to do with him and his playing.

No, I’m not really mad about his playing …just we’re frustrated and downright angry about the grandchildren and him not committing some time to be spent with them over the holiday. He didn’t say anything about an alternative time if that didn’t work out. I think Rich was right in that I shouldn’t have Christmas with him at all until I get to have Christmas with my granddaughters. I think I’m going to be in a good mood to work out. Just hope my music is ready.

I want to get out of here before I start to cry. I’m so tired of being blown off.

He knows what I got for them this year. He should know why I want to see them for Christmas. It was him and Rich who said that I couldn’t give them the gift until they were here. And, then they said I’d had to leave it here, so I’m going to be in this situation again where I want to be with them and play and they won’t be here.

*Sigh*

Rich is calling.

posted by Ann Marie @ 12/20/2009 06:07:00 AM Comments: 0