Ayn's Multiple World

ACK we've been remiss!

Thursday Morning

Good morning … I know this is our frustrated face. Had trouble this morning making the video do what I wanted it to do. The Vmeister recommended writing might be better for a while. *Sigh*.

Hmm didn’t get very far … needed to go back to bed … I’m up again now and it’s about 5 am. We are being frustrated with the camera this morning, maybe frustrated in general. Today is a Dr. M. day … Think that’s affecting our mind. Still too angry. Having a hard time getting stuff done and we’re eating badly again. Feel besides myself.

That didn’t help much wandered around for 45 minutes. Still cranky …

Much later now … about 8:40 am. Not sure what we did with all this time, but we called in sick. Know that part for sure. Called our friend to tell him we weren’t going. Better that way than for him to find out on his own. We’d forgotten to do the simple things. Take our medicine and get in the shower. So, we’ve done that part at least. Might not have, but we were almost out of smokes. We just got back. Got donuts too. Oh Lordy, now V. signs on. Hmm. We’re going to avoid that … He’ll want us to go to work like our friend. AND, I’M NOT GOING!



Ok, like now we’re like total renegading. I don’t know about Dr. M.’s appointment tonight. We better leave that decision alone for a while. I know I am supposed to go there. But, just so gosh darn mad. Donuts gone. Good. Damn. Oh who cares. Lousy attitude. Don’t swear, don’t swear! HMPF!

I know the best way I can salvage the day is to finish the darn paper. I’m mad though, because I should have forwarded from work last night the updated copy. I didn’t think I was going to stay home today. Hmm, looked it over … Maybe I’ll be ok, if I just type over the last 5 pages. I won’t be able to send it in formal “all together” until I go back to work, but it will at least allow me then to make the immediate changes I see right off the top. Need to move a couple of paragraphs around to help the flow.

I can only write about 5 more pages … that’s all there is to do. We got through as much of the analysis as we’re going to do and need to move on to the synthesis. That includes monoculturation and acculturation, communication/mental health concerns, treatment strategies, and affect on personal learning both with goals and future. That shouldn’t seem too hard, right? Shoot, gotta do something with the reference section too. We’re really not using too many and I know that we have to use at least 10. Maybe what we should do is count on using only four pages for the synthesis, then go back to see where we can add the notes. Should improve the paper … at least, it usually does.

Ok, ok we’re doing something here. Obviously this paper is running forefront in my brain … maybe neck and neck with the anger … but at least it’s in the running. Just a trick now in channeling the emotions. First thing first. Better get the last five pages typed out so we can be doing writing. Let me go over here  and try that for a few minutes. This is where we sit …



First page is the brief outline remaining. Second page is this post. Third page is the total other papers for the course … we figure that we’re going to skim through the beast to pull out some references. Fourth page is the document we’re going to place the last five pages and the next five pages of the Paper as an on-line doc. Picture and buddy list of course, then the Paper Tiger. Oh oh … better watch the time. Our friend is due back for a call. I don’t think we’re going to answer the phone. This is the best we’ve felt so far all day … don’t want to mess that up with going to work thoughts. I wonder if we’d be too hyper with some more coffee. Like to have that to sip on while we’re writing. Hmm. Maybe, maybe … usually we don’t drink it after the first pot. Hmm. I guess we could take it slow. We’ll make a pot, but check out our emotions cup at a time. Ok, brb…

Ahh, thadda girl … there’s that smile! (Yikes!!! this face is kinda Kermit-y don't you think???)

Umm, did we leave any donut crumbs? Powdered sugar donuts. Ok, ok … that’s enough of that … we’ve been there and it is done. Maybe we could walk a little come this afternoon? Ok, too much too much … still have to get over the Dr. M. part.

The next morning …
We did go to see Dr. M. last night. This was us after we got home … we had problem because of self destructive thinking. We were very tired and put ourselves to sleep.



Some small improvement this morning in that we’re not as angry. Maybe more lost. Last night while we were with him, we cried the majority of the hour. There were moments when it would slow down. We felt dazed. There were also moments of time when Casey was out in between other parts. She didn’t like all the crying. She didn’t understand what was happening. I think she was very frustrated hearing money mentioned. Someone else added something like we didn’t have a relationship with money; we had a relationship with Dr. M.



We know some sense of trust is broken. A sense that he would always be there for us. Damn. Started to cry again … probably should stay away from this. Too much.



Ok, somewhere else … 3:30 am now … V’s not due up for another 45 minutes. Probably be crabby at him anyway. Sweetie pie signed on last night just long enough to make sure we’d gone to the appointment. There wasn’t a chance to talk with him … so of course we got mad. Didn’t need more frustration.

I don’t know why this paper is taking so long to write … I know there was a lot of editing yesterday … we focused on it for then entire day up until about 3:40 pm when we left for the 4:30 appointment. I don’t want to look at it yet. Ok, ok … I looked. Appears we just finished page 28. I can’t let it go beyond page 30. I’ve found 5 quotes that I could use in tying up the paper, and I’m bothered yet by not pulling together the last scenario (the one I’m in) with the rest of the paper. So, that is the chore of the next part.



Ok, we worked for a few minutes … then after a while V came on line … so we talked for a bit, but it seems that were being hit with these waves of emotions. We canceled another day of work. Sister wrote a nice note back. We had asked her to say an extra prayer for us. She reminded us we might want to say a prayer for ourselves. She, of course, was right. So we said a prayer.

Vince sent a gift …



As long as we’re talking to God … we might just throw in thanks for letting it be one of those days we AREN’T mad at V. 

Ok, ok you … it’s time to toughen up. Damn, or maybe lighten up? Yes, I like that idea better. Oh oh … sweetie just signed on. I think he’s busy.

Aynetal3 (5:59:18 AM): Morning
Sweetie Pie (5:59:42 AM): good morning, was reading mail should I read yours first
Aynetal3 (5:59:49 AM): doesn't matter
Sweetie Pie (6:00:07 AM): you need some stuff copied when I get to the center
Aynetal3 (6:00:20 AM): a file emailed from word
Sweetie Pie (6:01:14 AM): no problem, I should be there by 2
Aynetal3 (6:01:18 AM): k
Aynetal3 (6:01:43 AM): let me know if you don't make it ... I don't want to ask *** to get on my computer, but I will if I have to
Sweetie Pie (6:01:56 AM): long weekend, I wish you would go in and get some air and clear your head
Aynetal3 (6:02:11 AM): i'll stand on balcony
Sweetie Pie (6:02:20 AM): ok,
Sweetie Pie (6:02:47 AM): I will be taking my daughter to my mothers this morning.
Aynetal3 (6:02:53 AM): k
Aynetal3 (6:03:06 AM): i'll talk to you later then
Sweetie Pie (6:03:13 AM): ok
Sweetie Pie (6:03:47 AM): I had planned to spend some time with you Saturday if it is ok
Aynetal3 (6:04:05 AM): i don't know ... we're pretty up and down with our emotions
Sweetie Pie (6:04:31 AM): I'll look for the up side then :-)
Aynetal3 (6:04:47 AM): we'll probably get mad at you then
Sweetie Pie (6:05:18 AM): if you do that I will have to recite the list of good things in your life.
Aynetal3 (6:05:33 AM): oh man you don't really like us do you
Sweetie Pie (6:05:58 AM): LOL, only reason I do it is cuz I like you. :-P
Aynetal3 (6:06:13 AM): too cranky to be liked
Sweetie Pie (6:06:37 AM): we've seen that seam of life
Aynetal3 (6:06:50 AM): been there done that?
Sweetie Pie (6:07:06 AM): yes, a fact to be considered when one is down
Aynetal3 (6:07:21 AM): I don't want any ()_+#)(*& lessons!
Sweetie Pie (6:07:37 AM): see you later
Aynetal3 (6:07:42 AM): yes dear
Sweetie Pie (6:07:44 AM): O:-)
Aynetal3 (6:08:13 AM): O:-)
Aynetal3 (6:08:29 AM): smooooooooooooooooooooooch
Sweetie Pie (6:08:34 AM): :-*
Aynetal3 (6:08:35 AM): :-*
Sweetie Pie (6:08:42 AM): O:-)


*Sigh* I suppose that’s what sweetie pies are for  V. will probably say … “Good man that Sweetie Pie!” Man … Men Hmpf!!



Ahh … someone’s kitty cat is reminding her that it is spring. Maybe that’s what we need … more spring around the house. Ok … we’ll make it a goal sometime today to step outside onto the balcony. Of course there is no problem with right now … just we aren’t going to do it! Hmm. Still cranky.

Ok, we did it … for 45 seconds! It may be spring, but it’s cold out there! In Chi-town today the winds are supposed to be gusting up to 45 mph. D*** we’re talking about the weather! We’re just not going to go there!

There medicine is taken … ate some cereal … got the last cup of coffee. It didn’t work out so well yesterday drinking extra, because we forgot to go back in to pour it. Might try it again today. Next obvious step would be to take shower and get dressed. It’s almost 7 am. We’ll need to fight the thoughts, what does it matter? We’re not going anywhere, or going to be seen by anyone today anyway! That’s probably wrong thinking too. Pre-camera days we might have gotten by with it, but not so sure about now days. Hmm, I wonder if V. lounges in HIS PJs in the morning!?? Maybe we should take a poll? Anyone else have trouble getting out of the comfy stuff? Walking?? Oh man oh man! This is getting to be impossible! Yes, yes … I know SOMEBODY ate a whole box of donuts. So what!?? Hmm, that wasn’t being a good Ann. I think that’s where Casey was stuck last night … her thinking is that she’s been a “Bad Ann” so Dr. M. isn’t seeing us anymore. Ok, ok … going to do the walk thing. Then maybe shower and step over to the Fitness blog for a few moments. There that’s a plan. See, we’re doing it!



Ok, ok … this is the us that’s much more serious about doing the right thing and knows she’s good no matter box of donuts or WHATEVER! We took care of the all above and would like to try settling down a bit now ourselves.

Maybe it would help if we set up the desk again. We’ve been here; we know we can do it again, right? C’mon girls … little smile?

Oh Lordy … this is the last part of the last sentence. “though [the dominant culture] is structurally empowered” and deepens “the well of black disadvantage” (Street, 2004).

Hell, if I know where they were going with that! S’pose I’ll have to read up a bit further. What else do we need?

Whoops much much later that night …

We’ve been reminded by the Deb Fairy that we haven’t posted for a while. Sorry! Been working on it all along better get back on the stick!

LOVE YOU!

posted by Ann Marie @ 3/31/2006 08:28:00 PM Comments: 2

Living in Capone's Hood

Good morning.

Just me. A little dazed from tiredness. This image was taken after responding back to V’s latest post. If nothing else the man makes me think! We’re not so sure about so many thoughts toward dying though. I suppose it is one of those things that allow us to prioritize life. So, in that respect we’ll carry forward in our thinking. Pretty sure though we’re going to get scolded for not thinking proper. *Sigh*


Ok, not going to get bogged down here in my ability to despair. *Double sigh*

Ok, anything new? We went to bed very, very tired … but, that wouldn’t be new new, would it? I think it had something to do with only 3-4 hours sleep the night before. I had woken up and stayed up from 12:30 am on. Makes for a long day though.

Just heard from sweetie pie for a few moments yesterday. We gave him a few lavatious looks. Heheheh Yes, I think I made up that word. Don’t let’s worry about it too much k? Feeling kind of down. Think it has mostly to do with all this anger of late. It’s a draining emotion. Plus, we’re worried about getting behind in our work because we have been focusing on this paper. About 8 pages left now. Tough stuff. We’ll get to it in a little bit. It’s about 3:30 now.

This other part of us is saying … I know, why don’t we just go back to bed … toasty covers, stretched out, easing of the mind??? Pretty sure the paper wouldn’t forward itself on its own. Hmm, maybe if I just got out the material something would come to mind at ease? Suppose I should glance at that outline again. Hold on …

Oh yeah, I remember that now … we were looking up something or another and got back into the neighborhood crime stats. Do you know in the first 10 blocks of leaving the center for home, in the last month and a half … just on the streets I follow there were 23 crimes? They include arson, criminal damage, theft, sex offence against a child, illegal handguns (3 of them), narcotics (cannabis), battery, trespassing, stolen car, and then all those multiplied by so many times as to get up to 23. This I repeat was just on our block and the 10 blocks getting out of the “hood.” Made me kind of depressed. Did all this happen on your blocks this month? I asked our assistant since she’d gone to high school in the neighborhood if she knew any of the gangs. She named of about 7 of them. It’s funny though … you never really see it. Just go on about our business most the time as if it weren’t there. I saw a few web pages about the local gangs. It included information about Al Capone being in the neighborhood.

Never really associated gangs with gangsters. But, I guess it really is the same thing. Read a couple of articles going back to 1909. They’ve been around for a long time. I read a statistic yesterday stating that our neighborhood at work is 60% African American and 36% Hispanic/Latino Americans. It used to be White immigrants. The median income for this neighborhood at work is $24,000. I’m not really sure where the poverty line is but I’m pretty sure that is $2,000 a month for a family BEFORE taxes. The couple of blocks we’re surrounding us are Hispanic. BUT, it seems to be the White people that really started the gangs. They were a defense to keep the “negroes” out of the neighborhood. And, they were formed through the leadership of the sports teams. You know typical buddies down on the corner playing kick the can. They talked about the race wars of 1919. Shoot, this stuff has been going on for ever!

Ahh V’s up… AHA! V sent us back to bed!



This is our new and improved self … we’re not going to rethink that crime problem. Hmm, not sure … this is what we wrote at V’s place today …

“To be a human being means to receive conscious knowledge of death AND life, which can both be primitively frightening. Defenses are weak attempts to alter or channel the energy gained from the emotions, such as anxiety; which could have aided us to have grown toward a more fruitful being. This regression is thought to be mental illness, which can be likened toward busying the energy through a disguise of the present, which disallows free choice; or, we can ascend toward creativeness, which is heroic because present time and energy is made valid; catharsis . The struggle to go forward and not regress (hide behind defenses) is what allows us to leave a more fruitful trace of our essence, though in either case the physical mortal body will die freeing the soul from our human emotionality, thought, and free will, which had allowed us our determinism” (Garvey, 2006).

Keeping all this in mind … I should be aware of what is happening in the area. But, to obsess in it would be in ruining the likelihood, I would get anything good done! Eh, so we’re just going to put it over here  Aware, but not consumed.

Hmm, we had a little of this problem we needed to take care of … He’s better now . This usually happens, we figure, after a nap … it’s like he is saying … let’s go back for some more good sleepin! Good kitty helps with perspective too!

We’re going to take a short break here in a couple of minutes … Sweetie pie let us know we should call him. His daughter is home now, so we’ll be able to check out that story! Don’t think we’re going to say anything prophetic over the next few minutes. La de la de da de dummmm …

Hehehe he’s putting seat belt on!

Damn this is us trying to listen to our friend tell us the crime isn’t so bad.



Eh … smooching over the phone is better! Umm, BRB need shower!

Ok, ok Next, next … probably should put shoes on too? Good, good .. that’s done … think that’s most of the hard stuff today. Should get easier from this point out? Spose the next thing would be to post and get to work. Uh huh, we can do this … you can do this too! Be safe!

posted by Ann Marie @ 3/29/2006 06:46:00 AM Comments: 4

Umm ... uh huh thanks Kitty Friends ...

Good morning. Umm this is what we look like at 1 am after the kitty woke us up a half hour ago. Pretty sure without that, I’d have slept a little longer. Maybe a nap later on?




This, however, is how people look at the end of a work day when thinking of one’s psychiatrist who we are pretty sure has near abandoned us. We were feeling at the time pretty mad and hurt. This is the yucky stuff … at the time we couldn’t think much at all. We couldn’t think of what to tell him, except we knew it was about time we connected after not having done so for the week. I know … pretty yuck feelings. We’re trying to go here with the thoughts that all feelings are ok to have. Take special note that we are by ourselves at this point, the staff and clients have left for the day, and we are not holding a weapon of mass destruction! We tried this new method of emailing yesterday with Dr. M. where we include play-by-play pictures. I think the thinking here is that they might be more expressive of our real feelings than words alone, that he should be knowing where we’re at, and that he will read the attached note that asks not to be put on any special hate mail lists, because we don’t hate him, we’re just mad.

For now … we’re just trying the coffee option.

Oh man … these kitties are pushing it … now a certain Missy is meowing in my ear. First they wanted me up, then breakfast, and now they think I might want to pet them!!! Who changed the plot making us all secondary to pet wishes??? Ok, ok … maybe a little more coffee.



Hmm, I think we better concentrate on something here … Anything else yesterday? AHA! I know one thing. I was like a smoke away from going to bed … and of all things my telephone rang. Bout scared me to death. Wasn’t sure what to do at first. But, then I remembered you have to pick the darn thing up. It was my first call. Well, there was one other, but it was an 800 number, so we didn’t pick up that one. But, this time, we looked at the little screen thing … and there right on my desk in front of my favorite color pencils was my sweetie pie! Could have bowled me over! I got to talk with him and that made me so happy. I asked him if he would call me back again some time. And, he said, well yes, maybe  yoooo hooooo

It was real nice … we told him about our evil pictures to the good doctor and then we forwarded the email. He talked about his daughter coming in and how he had made time for her on his schedule. We told him we liked V again. He laughed saying something like, “What? You get mad?” He usually sticks up for V and scolds me for getting mad at no good things or reasons. Hmpf! I think it is a male dominated world, because Dr. M. and Dr. W. would stick up for our friend and then later V too. And, both V. and our friend are saying we should be nice to the boys. Double hmpf! Men! They just don’t understand anything … But, better be warned I will shoot the next one that doesn’t let me talk about my feelings! Shoot, now I’m HMPF’D OUT!

This is where it would be nice to get a good old fashioned T hug. She would understand we’re pretty sure. Christina maybe too … But, for sure TJ and Tammy … Damn about any of my female friends could understand. Nikki, might even get the gun for me! I hate to thunk it … but, sometimes I think guys are a little on the inadequate side. Do you know what I mean?



*Sigh* ok, enough of that for a while … Sometime they dare to say, “What’s wrong, did I do something wrong?” And, that’s where they make up for lost grounds. Cuz, you can be pretty sure some female or another is going to clue them in! And, things seem more ok after that.

But, we’re still mad at Dr. M.

*Double sigh*

Ok, next?!

Anything else from work? Let me think … Umm, think we pretty much tried to just hide out most the day. We went up front for the lunch stuff. AND, we didn’t eat out at BK! YAYYYY! We might be eating one or two too much nutrition bars, but at 120 calories for the ones at work right now … that’s very much more ok than eating at BK. See the problem with that deal … is not only do they give you two chicken sandwiches for $2.50, you feel like you just HAVE to have that nice caramel cheese cake, because it’s really silly to use the credit card for ONLY $2.50. Umm, right? OK, OK … feel another male moment coming in here … We don’t have to go there again!

Lucky my diet buddy doesn’t read this blog … *gulp*

Ok, ok … anyway, we were saying NO BK yesterday YAYYYY! Oh, I said that … sorry.

More coffee 

Ok, that’s better. Back to work thoughts. Let’s see, we were hiding and a hiding. Sr. called me up for something. Seemed pretty silly at the time … Oh, I know she got an email message she didn’t understand. Hehehe Always think at these times, GOOD, I DIDN’T do anything wrong.

We need a lot of YAYYYS! This morning!

We handled a situation with one of the DSP’s … the one who didn’t like my goals and had complained to Sr. how overworked she was. We were handling ourselves pretty good, but still had to go through the feelings of being put out by her. When confronted, sideways, she wouldn’t admit to having told Sr. T. that it was MY client’s goals she had rejected, and naturally, then me … another rejection! And, yes I did take that personally. She tried to come back as if she would try again on the goals and with me, but we were pretty firm about that point. As long as she wasn’t excited about the goals, we didn’t want her touching them with a ten foot pole! I think she figured she had stepped into doggie doo-doo. She tried to make up for her lost ground, but we weren’t letting her come back in that way. We were pretty straight forward with her. Told her Sr. had added that this wasn’t the first time she complained about the goals. “Oh, Sister must have misunderstood me…” Uh huh.

I knew though that it had been more difficult to do the goals I set up for my 5 clients than the other Q’s., and that because of it, she had gotten a higher sense of pride from doing that. But, we were pretty unforgiving at that point. No calling out wolf on my turf! Especially when WE’RE the wolf! “No, you don’t have to worry about it; we are giving them to the assistant. It is good experience for her, and should help you out with your time crunch since you’ll only work 3 days and have only 3 hours to do goals.” She then said well maybe if you take only 2-3 goals, I can do the other 9. I said what about the other Q’s goals? When are you going to do them? She said, well they aren’t a problem, because they are easier and only take 10 minutes. Ok, so let’s now figure out the math, is that 10 minutes a goal, or person. Ok, goal … that means 10 minutes times 3 goals times 7 people … that’s 3 ½ hours.

Now you told Sr. and me both you only had 3 hours for goals. She said well sometimes, I can sneak in time in the morning, but I also have to get doors and phones. Ok, then let’s do it this way … you worry about getting the other Q.’s 3 ½ hours of goals in during that 3 hours and other, and we’ll worry about my client’s goals. Because for the clients to work with the assistant that is a win-win deal. Still took her some time to figure it out, but by then we were in our stress reduction mode. If this person was stressed and she was after all one of the staff I work with in training, I figured it was my job to make life less complicated for her. That worked for me. Better to feel benevolent then grumpy.

She then said, you are going to take the clients during MY work time? UGGGGHHH! I said I only have the assistant on Thursdays, and she would yes take one or two clients for half hour periods for up to 2 ½ hours in the morning.

I knew by this time she was kind of hurt by the whole deal, because she did like working with the clients, she had wanted to maintain the status of a specially good DSP who can do the hard stuff, but had become overwhelmed in areas of her life outside the center. We talked about that for a bit. She didn’t like the idea that if she went, she would simply be replaced. While I don’t blame her for this … we all like to feel important, but during the heat of her day … it had simply become too much for her. SOOOO end of the story. We’ll set things up for the Q Assistant on Thursday. We’d already talked to her about it and the new plan will start on Monday. Like we said, win-win for the clients and the assistant, and I might add me too! Lot less complaining, and after the DSP calms down again … it WILL be stress reducing for her as well. Good plan all around. I think the assistant is going to learn a lot and I’m excited about getting her trained in with the clients. YAYYYY~!

Ok, ok … but, that is REALLY about all I got done yesterday. Didn’t open the journal. Had it out on my desk and was intending too, but I needed to get the Paper printed out and I thought, better look through it from editing stand point. That led to another and another. And, pretty soon the day was consumed up to the point we’d gotten mad again. But, you already know we got over that too. YAYYY SUPER ANN!



This is us being happy again! Ok, ok … 2:30 am. I think we got our general business covered and even the kitties are giving us a break. Maybe it is time to think of that homework situation? Sure be nice to finish those last 10 pages. I don’t think I can get it all done this morning, but other than some good V time, we’ve got 4 hours of time to put in. That seems like a good plan. Hold on better get the paper out of the brief case. Yup, yup finally feels good to carry the darn thing. Personally, the best reason is that when I carry it, I feel almost yuppie hehehehe. That’s what one of the DSPs is calling me after I bought the PDA. Damn isn’t life great!??

Good idea that Chief and Missy woke me up!

Ok … next … we read over the 20 pages of paper so far … the hard copy. There were only 2-3 editing changes at this point, so we’re doing pretty good. That means we are satisfied with what’s happening with it. Thing is, we now have to go on to the next phase. We have to do the analysis and this is complicated by the need to use references and the need to keep it about 5 pages long. Believe me writing quantity for us isn’t the problem. HEHEHE ok, ok … you knew that! Don’t get so funny!

Let’s see … Maybe we could open the original outline … ok … that doesn’t feel TOO complicated. Only two changes … so we corrected those and saved. So far so good. The desk is arranged too



I know … but we like those two pictures on the blog … We figure that it is us looking interested and smart. That’s to encourage us. Hehehehe … The next window is the outline, then this document I’m typing then the most current copy of the paper … then us again in real time… we’re always looking for an obvious change in parts, and of course the buddy list … we figure about 45 more minute before V wakes up!

Ok, now … looking at the outline. There are 8 areas we want to fit in five pages. Eh, you already know what areas. We started this with you all yesterday morning. Demographics is first and that came in during about February … switching the MPD blog over to the Masters’ blog. Let me see if I can catch the link for US census, I’d used before.

Damn! Ok, time flew by … I’m outta here!

posted by Ann Marie @ 3/28/2006 09:35:00 AM Comments: 4

On the Run

Yeeks! Isn’t that scary! Good morning. Yup, yup still playing with the pictures. I figure by now you all know how narcissistic we probably are. But, we’re thinking we are in this for the long haul. We just didn’t realize how interesting it was to study our facial expressions. It’s like we are catching different parts of ourselves, but am not feeling terrified by it. YooHOOO!



It’s a pretty neat thing really, it gives me not only a sense of me, but it allows you to see me more clearly in a relating manner. It gives the entries a new level of depth I don’t usually see out there. And, I still have the thoughts that the blog will go on for a long time and at some time my grandchildren will be able to catch up to who we are, because they sure don’t know us very well at this point. I find myself thinking here about my grandson Austin. I wonder if I will ever see him again. Our interactions were so few, and then they weren’t at all. Shoot, shoot … not going to go there!

You may have noticed that we’re still dressed. We didn’t have such a productive day yesterday. It was about 1 pm when we last left off. We worked for 3-4 hours, got about 7 pages written, and then we paused because we were too tired to go on. I think we ate, then tried something different … we turned on the TV. It was pretty awful. We ended up watching a PBS fundraiser special. When we got to the part of watching a 92 year old used to be fairly big singer, we thought … nope, nope nope. Can’t do this. I think we laid down for a nap, slept a couple hours, then got up, and then went back to sleep for the rest of the night. AND, we woke up late about 5 am. I guess we must have been pretty sleepy. Never even got into our pj’s. There’s only about a half an hour before we are going to need getting in that shower.

I’m not so sure how happy I am to go back to work. We woke up thinking again about Dr. M. Can’t help thinking that for all practical purposes he is gone. Trying now to insert that this is the week we see him. He’ll probably see that angry face again. *Sigh* Ok, don’t want to go there either.

Shoot, shoot … thinking there is not much that is safe for us to talk about. We’ve got little pockets of angry stuff laying about our minds like real mines. I’m not the one to go in there with a sweeper. See this is me … chicken sh** person.



Yeeks! Ok, what’s safe to talk about? Hey that ARC convention is coming up pretty soon. Next week I think. Not sure which day it falls on though. That ought to be a nice break.

Other than that … there is the paper. Maybe it’s safe to talk about that for a few? Let’s see where are we? We got the summary work done. We ended up using ourselves for the last scenario. When we go back into it next we are going to need doing more of the literature searching for the analysis and synthesis. That will take up the last 10 pages.

We’re trying to think now of method of attack. It’s double-spaced, but the work of this last semester takes up 184 pages of material. I know that I have the Paper Tiger to help me look up things, but I’m not sure what to look up at this point. Lets see … does the old outline help any?

Hmm, what used to be the second section titled critical analysis of important concepts and theories of this course seems to be in general demographics, control/responsibility, values and barriers, family characteristics, education, class affect on perception and behavior, religious and spiritual influences, and core mental health concerns. I guess idealistically, this is not a bad set of reference points, but it has to be specific to the case studies that I’ve set up. Maybe, I could include this all as one section and just do a paragraph on each?

Let’s see for example for demographics, I could compare the US demo of 67% White Americans, 14% Hispanic/Latino Americans, 12% African Americans, 4% Asian Americans, and 3% other with the neighborhood statistics and the center’s statistics. Neighborhood says 13% White Americans, 50% Hispanic/Latino Americans, 35% African Americans, and 2% Asian Americans, 0 other. We are almost right on track with the center’s demographics and the community, but where I might take special note is that while the DSP staff has a good number of Hispanic/Latino, there are no African Americans staff and still about 45-50% White Americans and the Administration team consisting of the Sr., our friend, the other Q and me are all White Americans. And, we are the ones who set up the structure. That will be something good to talk about. Yeeks! Time to go!



We’re back for just a minute or two … we’re running officially late for work, but need that one last smoke to get out the door. Trying not to think work is going to be too hard. I wanted to mention though that last Thursday, we received our work review by the Sister. We did pretty good this year … Only one 8, three 10’s and the rest all 9’s. Yoo Hooo. But, the nicest thing was that there weren’t so many negative comments. She was concerned we’d be too involved in school, so we made sure she knew that we’d gone down to one course, though would continue taking vacation time to finish end of the quarter papers. She also wanted to know if our memory was going to improve. We submitted the Doctor’s results, which didn’t indicate improvement, although we emphasized the difference in using the journal at work to track things down. We didn’t tell her there were days, we were too intimidated by work to open her up. Let’s just try not to make today one of those days. She brought me back up to the level that I believe I’m her best employee again. She emphasized that I was earning more money than anyone else at the center and on top of that, she gave a 5% raise starting next week. YOO HOOO!!!

Just thought all that a pretty good set of thoughts. I sent her an email saying that I was running a half hour late, so I suppose I better now get myself out that door. It looks to be a beauty of a day here in Chicago, though it will only get up to about 50 and there is a chance of rain. Naw, not even that is a negative … ok, facing the next step bravely … catch up to you all later!

posted by Ann Marie @ 3/27/2006 06:35:00 AM Comments: 5

Not such a productive day, but nice to be home...

Good morning. It’s a bit late to be starting at this hour … it is already 9 am. We had been working on edits earlier, but there were several interruptions. So, we decided to do all the good Ann stuff like showering, dressing and taking our medications. We’re waiting for those to take some affect in calming our minds. We’re still having trouble with our anger.

I don’t like this at all. It is very draining on one’s energy level to maintain such guardedness.



I’ve been trying to keep it separate from my school work. So far with that after we started, we were able to maintain our focus. There is a strong sense though of doing things on my own without the familiar supports. We’ve loosened up somewhat in that we’re now at least talking about a few safe subjects for a few moments at a time. But, we are stifling most of our emotions and guarding our feelings. There is a lack of trust. We don’t feel up to being hurt anytime soon. Especially not until this paper is handed in, which will complete the course. I am close enough to be looking forward to a break.

I would like to finish the paper by today or tomorrow, so I can have the rest of the week off. I haven’t spent too much time thinking through what I would like to do other than catching up on some blog reading. Reading comes to mind in general as something I would like to do. Maybe spend some time in the living in that nice comfy corner of couch under the light. Maybe put our feet up and not care overly much if we happen to fall asleep. I can well imagine, we’ll have to keep a hand free, because Chief and Missy would want some of that good attention. No one told me kitties need so much petting!

AHA! There’s a smile! I’ll take that thank you!

Damn we’re tricky!

Ok, now that we’ve cracked the lid … let’s see if we can ply off the cap. I can see it on her face … she’s not coming easily, though we’re pretty sure force is not a good idea.



Ok, uncle, uncle … we’re going to leave her alone for a bit.

Let’s go casual again … what would we like to read? ACK! No fiction! Hmm, maybe fiction? Sure been a long time since we picked up our ‘ol friend Balzac. Shoot … something, something … he might be tied to depressive thoughts. It is just that we loved to read his conversations particularly when the character was thinking on his own. If I would ever try picking up the pen, I would want to write like Balzac. Shh, I think we’re making her smile a little …

What would happen if I just walked over a little to one of the shelves? I know there are books there that have been left unread. There should always be something on the shelves that is left a bit mysteriously waiting, as if a corner bus stop/outdoor paperback sale. We got confused last time because of all the books he wrote had something to do around war time. Last thing we want to do is get into soldier mentality. Yeeks! Knowing Balzac whoever the soldier, there would be a girl around the corner. Hehehe I understood he had a female audience. Ugh. If I read fiction, I would have to put up with the romance too. Shoot, maybe we could take a little look …



AHA! Caught someone’s attention! We picked up a book of his short stories we had not yet read. Maybe that is enough to constitute a mental break in school work, without becoming overly infatuated. Yes, yes … we’d be developing reading skills! That’s just the ticket!

Ok, ok … but no more than one short story. We’d guessed correctly in finding the first couple of stories were of military men and they were being enamored with women and a royal Spanish monarchy’s family was beheaded. That curbs MY interest. I am hiding the book! Maybe I don’t like short stories or fiction so much … I know, I know blasphemy!

How about we compromise … we reward ourselves with reading, but we stick to psychology! Isn’t that a good idea! I found a book called “Self-efficacy: The Exercise of Control” by Bandura. Let’s set the timer for just 30 minutes and we’ll see how inviting that is.



Good, we’re then in agreement!

Oh man was that great! I read one chapter sub-section that was 7 pages long. It took 42 minutes. What a mind experience though! Even though its slow-going and sometimes requires the dictionary. I didn’t know what the word ontological meant … It turns out that its something to do with the science or study of being. Wooo HOOO This is the good stuff!

We felt so good we made an entry over at the fitness blog. That’s the good stuff, but I’m being reminded now there are other things I need to be doing. The day is kind of passing by without me. I was encouraged by Darla enough to point me toward the treadmill. But, then we got there and remembered we were going to do music with it. We found out the radio in the room no longer worked. I guess you have to use it or lose it. It’s ok … it was over 10 years old, I should probably bury it 

I have a nicer boombox thingy in the kitchen, but I couldn’t hear it and it seemed buried already into its nook. So, then the option was to use the boombox one of my sons had left here when he moved. The damn thing had SPEAKERS UGH! More cord work. Then we finally got it all in the master bedroom, but the main cord wasn’t long enough. We had to disconnect a few other things to get the system going. It works fine now and sits right next to the treadmill, but I’m going to have to maybe start hanging up some clothes, because temporarily those got dumped on the bed. YEEKS! With all this movement, my back complained she’d have enough, so were now on break *Sigh* We’ll give her another few minutes and try again.

I think by now, I’d almost rather write the paper, but this is the closest we’ve gotten to the treadmill all through the week. Need to keep trying. Rest, rest, rest BACK!

I’m going to double post this part, because I think it is SOOOO important!

"People are proactive, aspiring organisms who have a hand in shaping their own lives and the social systems that organize, guide, and regulate the affairs of their society."

"Self-influence: In their daily transactions, people analyze the situations that confront them, consider alternative courses of action, judge their abilities to carry them out successfully, and estimate the results the actions are likely to produce. They act on their judgments, later reflect on how well their thoughts have served them in managing the events at hand, and change their thinking and strategies accordingly."

"People's beliefs in their efficacy have diverse effects. Such beliefs influence the courses of action people choose to pursue, how much effort they put forth in given endeavors, how long they will persevere in the face of obstacles and failures, their resilience to adversity, whether their thought patterns are self-hindering or self-aiding, how much stress and depression they experience in coping with taxing environmental demands, and the level of accomplishments they realize."

(Efficacy - the belief one has the capability to produce desired effects by their actions).

Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. NY: W. H. Freeman and Company.

Damn is that good stuff! I am going to confront the treadmill, give myself no option, insist I have the ability to do it, do it, give myself positive credit, then newly inspired I am going to focus on the paper, shake, stir, and repeat! BRB

Ok, ok … we’re going to skip the after workout picture.


Ok, maybe not … but if I look a little blurry it’s not my fault! Hmm, 1 pm. Was up on weight this morning, so I don’t want to eat a big meal … Hmm, maybe one of those nutrition bars? Then I’d be doing a Gab/Darla!!! Sounds good to me, hold on. We’ll have a little talk about peanut affect later … The bar claims to have 15 g protein (30%) and 14 vitamins and minerals. Seems all that is within about the 25% category. Eh, it works for me! 240 cal and 19 g carbs. Not sure if that is a plus or minus. I can never figure out if carbs are good or bad. Heyyy only 170 mg sodium know that’s a nice number. 2% cholesterol doesn’t look so bad either.

Hmm, ok, doing what we intend to do … that’s the new game in town. One smoke and back to paper … that’s what we’re going to do! Sheezz, already 1 pm and not too much got done except some editing. Ok, no self-defeating talk here. It’s what we ARE going to get done. Let’s look ahead …

We’ve finished sections on socio political issues and culturally appropriate interventions. We’ve established through case studies background information on the special populations of African Americans and a Hispanic American. We’ve discussed multicultural family interventions & cultural development. And, we’ve now processed three scenarios out of five for western and indigenous similarity approaches to treatment. Next, we have to write the fourth and fifth approach, which deals with psychologists (or one slim QMRP) working with her clients on strengthening interpersonal relationships and responding to the client’s past history. Let me think, we had … oh, I remember. We are going to use the 28 year old African Americans female’s story of relating to people at the community advocacy meeting. So far, the other three scenario’s given were negative and I wanted to switch that around. And, then for the fifth scenario? Let me think … Hmm, I’m thinking we could do something with that strong will power of the young 22 year old Hispanic female. That should balance things out, because the middle scenario with the 45 year old African American male was kind of long. These next two stories will be much shorter, because the readers already have a background in mind for these characters. It is a good idea to say positive things happen in psychology too. It’s not all about maladaptive behaviors. Even using them, we’ve managed to assure each of our scenario’s ended positively.

Whoops … then she slips off unto the night …

posted by Ann Marie @ 3/27/2006 05:20:00 AM Comments: 1

Long Mostly Successful Day

Good morning. We’re waking up early at 2:30 am. This is my favorite time to wake up. I’m still chasing down yawns with sips of coffee. We had more problems with being angry yesterday, but not at our sweetie. We had the most wonderful night last night.

We first met up at work. He came in late in the afternoon. He slipped me a note asking me about what grocery items I might need. We were still trying to finish the last paper and he worked with the client’s payroll, so there wasn’t any time to talk. He left before us so he could make his stops and we both would get home close to the same schedule. I finished writing the paper at work (only the big one left now), but I got home first and needed to do my final room posting proofs. When he got back, he gave me the chance to finish up while he made some extra dinners for the freezer. He had brought sandwiches so after about 30-45 minutes we both finished up and ate.

I am not sure what we talked about, though I know we did. On his way over he had developed a crisis at work. A customer had shipped him 50,000 golf balls for a client work project and his staff had forgotten to call him, so he could reassure his customer that they’d arrived safely. He said he was going to need to leave early to check the order. But, being in general an optimist, I asked him if I could go with him. And, he said yes. I hadn’t taken this trip with him for a long time, and I told him this could count as one of my treat car rides with him. I was in a pretty good mood though wasn’t sure which workshop he’d be taking me too.

The drive into Chicago was beautiful. It always is at night time because of all the sparkly lights and tall buildings. We ended up driving to the workshop that is close to Union Station and the Sears tower. It’s my favorite workshop, especially since it was the one I had spent 3 years working at. I was pretty excited riding up in the elevator. The company is on the 8th floor and it’s a wonderful view at night, because it faces in toward downtown. This was the place he had magically placed his hand on my thigh thirteen years previously. I was feeling pretty romantic. I walked through the familiar office and work shop floor I’d been to so often in the past and I recalled so many feelings. I had been surprised entering the workshop doors, because I found two signs I had handwritten 9-10 years ago, and they were still on the door. There was also a large white board that nobody used apparently because it too had my handwritten notes from the same time period. I thought Oh my God, this is so surreal!

Machinery, tables, skids, and conveyer belts had moved location, but although the content on the skids had changed the other pieces were the same familiar ones I had known. The bigger workshop area is about the size of a basketball court. Some of it wasn’t so good. When I walked into the smoky clients lunch room, I’d realized that the clients were still allowed to smoke in there and they hadn’t done much with ventilation … I thought it kind of funny and I lit up remembering too being an old client. The lockers were the same as were two of the four vending machines. When our friend came looking for us, we commented on the walls not having been painted since we’d been there. We didn’t spend too much thought here though, because our thoughts were pretty much focused on chasing him around the dark workshop. AHA! Somebody got caught! Noooo, not by security, more by the likes of a big fuzzy bunny. *Goofy smile*

Some things never changed. It made for a very romantic evening. It was the first place we’d ever made love.

I know, I know … probably your thinking not as mushy as it should be more privately hidden in somebody’s bedroom, but then I’d have to say you weren’t there! Sometimes sneaky love making is the best! It was grand and my head was floating! The drive home we talked and talked and he let me off inside our door with some sexy smoochying AND a slurpee! I love taking rides with him. We usually hold hands or one hand or another is rested in a lap. YES, mostly resting! We teased for having turned a work crisis into a romantic date night out!

So that was that!

We’re going to remember the evening for quite some time to come, and in comparison, we’re imagining the rest of the weekend might be a little more hum drum, but oh … what a fantastic memory! He even climbed onto a skid, which is another favorite old work memory. He retrieved for us a sample of work that he was doing. Of all things, he is processing nutrition bars. WooHOOO!!! AND, he’s packaging diet chocolate candy! BUT, there was a stipulation that I could have only one  Hehehe, we won’t complain though because it was an especially good diet pepsi slurpee!. Man on man … can this man razzle dazzle us to pieces or what??! Just thrilled with him to no end and back!

*Sigh* still trying to calm down and it’s probably about 20 minutes later.

The rest of the day? Not nearly as exciting. There wasn’t a whole lot happening up front. The biggest crisis of that period was that one of the clients had locked one of the bathroom doors before shutting it. No, she wasn’t locked in … it was just a case of not being able to get into the washroom. The staff pretty much stayed in panic mode for about an hour. It was a lousy hour … after trying hard to reassure her that it would be ok and that the other Q, the DSP, and Sr. all knew where the key was to unlock the door, this DSP continued to think the world was coming to an end and I could do no more, so I shut the door. She flittered one way and another trying to get the door unlocked while the clients (two groups) sat and watched her flightiness. Oh man … she was a mess~! This kind of behavior seems to be happening more and more, and I’m unsure how to get her out of this bad space. I don’t think it is good for the clients, who usually take the stance of just sitting there with no work watching her and getting drawn into her never ending outward chit-chat conversation. I think I will talk to Sr. Tess about it on Monday. *Sigh*

Just got crabby again  Ok, better. Shoot guess not … our system seems to be closing down.

It’s now about an hour later. Nobody likes when the system shuts down ... I think we aren’t handling anger so good. Think the body protects itself from strong emotions. Shoot happening again … we got to struggle to get through it. Keeps happening … we’re losing time. I stood up to stretch, lite smoke, drink coffee, type. It’s still on our face though. I heard a cat. Chief came to visit us. He let us hold him and shut down with our face buried in his fur. Good kitty. Gotta get out of this space. It’s taking us under. We don’t usually see us like this. Our forehead is covered in wrinkles, eyes glared, mouth pouty. This is what we look like coming out of it.



During it looks something like this …



When it happens there are no thoughts, probably not much feeling either. It is like being blacked-out. Some time later you wake out of it. Our minds feel blocked and confused. Sullen. Keep going in and out. Fingers get rested on keyboard when I can think again we write our thoughts. Never had a camera before to see us in it. I think this is a good thing. I try to let in a flow of thoughts, our mind drifts into the blackness like in a dream. Now I stare into the faces and they leave me feeling curious, concerned, hesitating, but more detached.



Maybe it is time to open the curtains and check out why all the birds are singing. Hmm, think we’re back to more normal now. We feel able to smile. You all probably think we’re pretty strange taking pictures of ourselves and all. But we are going forward with it anyway. The people that are closest have always told us they could see changes of our face, but we are usually not given this opportunity. From start to end this whatever it is took one hour and forty-five minutes to get through. Let’s not do that again anytime soon!

I’m afraid to go back over my writing … I’m not sure I want to figure it all out. I think maybe its time to take a shower and maybe take some medicine. BRB



As always … we’re heavily rewarded for being back in the present and for having taken a fresh shower! Hehehehe

Ok, ok … nuf of all that … we’re probably starting to sound a little crazy again. Oh dear we’re crazy and we have silly cats … this is pretty terrible!

What else? Hmm, it’s almost 7 am. Not quite ready to start on the paper, but I suppose I should try to set that up. Ohh … on more story?

Yesterday, as we mentioned before, there was a group who went to the funeral of one of the client’s mothers. The group got back about noon so had time to eat before the Thinking Group. The first 30 minutes of the group we did a survey talking about the Spring Fling and fitness program. Not too exciting. But the last 20 minutes the funeral was finally brought by one of the clients. There are two main clients who do the best at conversation … both young black women. Between them, they told the story of what had happened at the funeral. It was beautiful and touching. They remembered detail by detail and periodically one of the others would add or comment on something the other two were saying. They remembered together which child belonged to which person and what relationship that person had to their friend. They talked about crying and feeling sad, but then feeling happy when one of the ladies got up and pointed down the row of sisters sitting in the front pew. She said from now on, I am going to be your all mama and we are going to keep this family together!! I think the clients felt just as much a part of this family at this very moment as ever before. They were extremely proud of their friend for standing up in front of all those people and talking about her mother and how much she loves her and that the mother had told her last to make sure she goes to church. It left a very strong impression on everyone there and later one of the staff who had gone told the same basic story, although without as much wonderful detail as had the clients.

I am soooo proud of this group of people for their ability to live life to the fullest in love and appreciation of one another. They be truly … God Blessed.



Ok, now it’s about time we did our part. Need to focus on school. This is our better get started student face. Hmm, better get on some warm sockies. Kitties asked that we keep open the door, but I don’t want to find ourselves sleepy because we are too cold.

We’re checking over first one last time our last regular report. Maybe it will help us gain perspective. For the sake of absolutely no reason, we’re going to post this last paper here. It is a marker paper, because it summarizes my feelings about what I’ve learned and hope to learn over the coming semesters. Please skip down if it doesn’t interest you to read it 

u10d02 Professional Growth (skipperers look for the end mark)
Date: March 24, 2006 5:02 PM
Last edited on: March 24, 2006 5:10 PM

Guideline #1: Psychologists are encouraged to recognize that, as cultural beings, they may hold attitudes and beliefs that can detrimentally influence their perceptions of and interactions with individuals who are ethnically and racially different from themselves (APA, 2005).

I found myself learning a tremendous amount about multi-culture this semester, but I feel we’re in the beginning stages of just accepting “White” cultural history. I know that it is something I am going to need time readjusting too. I also found that it was easier for me to slip into the status of being color-blind. If a peer would identify a thought pattern specifying a race, ethnic, or cultural stance, I would be very accepting of that extra piece of information. I found myself not as interested in the profiles of where people have been with the exception of a glance the first week, and I found myself more interested on how that person was thinking with the correspondence of that day. I am still finding it better to look at a person’s approach to myself or others or to a circumstance each time they present themselves. Perhaps this is partially due to not being able to recall.

I still identify with my disabilities, though through the course and the practice of better fitness, I am finding that the healthier I am, the less disabled physically I feel. I appreciated people accepting my mental disability most often by the allowance of using our “us’s” and “we’s.” That is one of the most difficult things to stop doing in effort to appear “normal.” I found also a few times myself getting awkwardly defensive in hearing how people would “treat” those with disabilities. I was very aware of being someone that people might have to “deal with”. It seemed then strange to hear the strategies as if people with disabilities were “alien-atic” and somehow foreign to the practitioners. I was also able to fairly well recognize socioeconomics as that played an affect in my life. I do believe that having disabilities and being a woman and having been poor allowed me to better understand many of the different cultures. It was hardest for me to relate to Asian American culture, just by lack of experience. Last, it was hard to understand close family systems, due to the absence of having a close family system.

I feel that in great part I am still defining my worldview. I seem to trust best my experiences and have to remind myself not to overly categorize people. It seems like the first thing I look for is, “Is the person nice?” I would think then that I have the most difficulty being with or trusting people who are not nice. It comes from an “overwhelming” sense of fear from my old history though I’m trying to redefine the present by an awareness of actual relationships (observation, conversation, or interaction) in real time.

We have often utilized the sense of an “in or out” group. I’ve had a sense of being in one of these groups or the other, though now I know it sets sometimes bad boundaries. It is particularly difficult because we are a single woman. In this mode, I tend to become more submissive, or “devious” than the other modes. Not from the perspective I am looking at the other woman’s mate, as much as I’m looking for someone yet who is going to help me out, as in who is going to help me take care of my car? Or, who is going to help me bring up that heavy package? You’re in the “in-group” if you are able to help and the “out-group” if you are unable to help. I suppose then that would mean I am still objectifying people and relationships; being manipulative. We need to be more conscious of our expectations toward others’ and to be more receptive and curious, less dependent. With the “out-group” experience, we often feel rejected, which is our largest source of pain and anger.

Another attitude that I need to contend with is that of being sometimes inconvenienced by others, which happens more when I am rushed to complete a project. I want to yell out, “No more, no more! I’ve got to get this something done!” My impatience had negatively colored some of my relationships to others. For example, we have one client at the center that will passive aggressively catch your ear, and then she will go on and on in conversation asking at the end of each her statements, do you know why? It drives me bonkers. I can be very close-minded toward this person although I recognize she is disabled and needs positive affirmations.

I find myself asking more now days … not is he black or white, but how does color, personality, appearance, etc. play upon the individual’s presentation toward me and others and the world. This course has helped me to do this. I feel good about this distinction. It helps me to maintain interest rather than to abruptly terminate relationships because of my impatience. But, then again, I felt rejected by one of my best friends this morning and the next thing was to temporarily terminate our relating. Maybe one step forward, two steps back.

Guideline #3: As educators, psychologists are encouraged to employ the constructs of multiculturalism and diversity in psychological education (APA, 2005).

Guideline #6: Psychologists are encouraged to use organizational change processes to support culturally informed organizational (policy) development and practice.

I was not sure which guideline to choose between #4 and #6 as the guidelines I need to work with the most. So, perhaps, I can make a few notes on each. The reason I chose these guidelines in response to the question is due to the nature of work I would like to do. I have to work hardest at understanding the issues closer to heart. My goal is to become a psychologist who designs programs for adults with developmental disabilities centering on the south-side of Chicago as a challenged model of good programs and services. The south-side takes in many different cultures. To do this work, I need to see myself as first an educator, then secondly as a key operant in the development of organizations.

The first obstacle is to acknowledge with others it is ok to talk about cultural diversity. I think primarily it is difficult because it is a personal issue and a political issue. Many Americans do not want to see themselves as lesser or inferior to other humans and in many cases everyone wants to consider themselves at least slightly better than average. We certainly do not want to be categorized as lesser than other human beings. Maybe one affect of this is that we limit the size of our in-groups and use the out-groups to boost our egos by considering them less, again we become a little better than average.

Multi-cultural literature this semester became less threatening as we went along. We thought, ok, I can see that or identify with that. I also liked the idea that in knowing the material, I could become a better psychologist. As suggested before, I will be teaching adults with developmental disabilities, and I expect to work with different individuals with developmental disabilities, families, and service providers in the community. I am very excited about the course work that lies ahead toward individual, group, family, and community psychology. I would like to think this mixed with cultural awareness will assist each group in developing healthier relationships in general.

To do this work, I see the significance of people getting along culturally. Despite neighborhood gangs, I’m excited to think the programs I would be developing could include values and priorities of each of the different cultures. Sometimes the clients get angry and it is primarily because they don’t tolerate the various idiosyncrasies of others. I look forward to doing research for this. People in the community need to feel safe and they cannot feel safe as long as their boundaries are so porous, or easily disturbed.

The community neighborhood I work in is approximately 5 square miles and is called, “…” There are 13% White Americans, 50% are Hispanic/Latino Americans, 35% African Americans, and 2% Asian Americans. For me to step into community enhancement and teach the people who are developmentally disabled to become better community self-advocates; I will need to survey. I know the neighborhood is a poor group, because the median income is $25,650. I personally am fascinated with self-systems. I want people to better know themselves and their capabilities. I like to see growth and change, and less psychological dependency. People sometimes need to be taught how to make choices. The APA discusses the importance of organizations creating equal status, cooperation (or collaboration), perspective taking, and empathy.

I feel, in general, the people we work with to be safe, I don’t know how safe they consider each other. There is a sense of acceptance in the community for the developmentally disabled group, because in the six years of working here, there hasn’t been any violence or crime against the agency or anyone from within it.

It will be important to develop liaisons in the community and to work parallel with people who have similar community interests, especially including the development of people who are developmentally disabled. APA (2005) states, “Psychologists will be called upon to engage with other disciplines and sectors of society, including government agencies, in attempting to forge new policies and guidelines that promote human development, knowledge–building, and societal improvement.” And, to do this, APA (2005) recommends psychologists improve social amiability, nonjudgmental demeanors, willingness to self-disclose, and enthusiasm in leadership role modeling. Most astoundingly, the APA concludes its multi-cultural guidelines by stating, “Psychologists are encouraged to become familiar with practices that can be replicated to different organizational settings thereby leading to multicultural organizational enhancement and policy development.” The depth of this statement intrigues and challenges me to no end.

Resources

APA Online, (2002). Guidelines on multicultural education, training, research, practice, and organizational change for psychologists. Retrieved March 24, 2006 from http://www.apa.org/pi/multiculturalguidelines/preface.html

Wikipedia contributors (2006). New City, Chicago. Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved March 24, 2006, from http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=New_City%2C_Chicago&oldid=37446170.

End Professional Growth

Yup yup. That’s about how it goes at this point. I am very surprised that in completing 10 months of school work that my objectives have changed very little, but have grown very much. I still want to do what I want to do and feel blessed to have the opportunity to do so.

Hmm, now the hard part … how do I begin this work. Let’s see somewhere we have an outline for the paper. Let’s take a look at that.

AHA! I think this is the second time printing it, so you can skim down to the next section IF you happen to be spending your whole entire morning getting through our mish-mash of thoughts and ideas. 

Beginning of outline (for the skipperers)
OUTLINE FOR FINAL COURSE PAPER
Option A: Multicultural Issues and Therapeutic Relationships

A. Summary of Knowledge


1. Sociopolitical issues & culturally appropriate interventions 1a. 1b. 1c.
2. Multicultural family interventions & cultural development 2a. 2b. 2c.
3. Non-western & indigenous approaches to treatment 3a. 3b. 3c.
4. Special population focus: African Americans 4a. 4b. 4c.
5. Special population focus: Asian Americans 5a. 5b. 5c.
6. Special population focus: American Indians & Alaskan Natives 6a. 6b. 6c.
7. Special population focus: Hispanic Americans 7a. 7b. 7c.
8. Special population focus: The elderly & persons with disabilities 8a. 8b. 8c. 8d. 8e.
9. Exploring the diversity of human sexuality & gender
10. Socioeconomic class & religious/spiritual orientations

B. Critical Analysis of Important Concepts and Theories of this Course

11. Changing demographics
12. Locus of control/responsibility
13. Values and barriers
14. Family characteristics
15. Educational status
16. Class affect on perception and behavior
17. Religious and spiritual influence on World view
18. Core mental health concerns

C. Synthesis of Ideas

19. Monoculturalism and acculturation 19a
a. Personal mindset
b. Conclusion
20. Values of Western-based counseling
a. Strengths
b. Weaknesses
21. Values of Indigenous people and folk healers 21a.
a. Strengths
b. Weaknesses
22. Communication 22a. 22b.
a. Affect of this course on personal understanding
b. Communication to others (Staff and client training at work)
23. Treatment Strategies
a. Personal Change & Goals
b. Future Studies hinder

End of outline (Skiperers relax)


AHA! This is what things look like by mid-day … It is one o’clock and we’ve been able to put good study time forth. The difficult part is in choosing between so many different ideas and directions. We’re not going to lose track yet now. We’re on page six and the goal is to get to page 12 by the end of our work day … we’ll let you know how it goes  Steady keel …



Ok, ok moving along here … this last picture is how we look at the end of a day. Start to thinking that we’re going to snuggle up under that soft white down comforter in just a very few minutes. Maybe we’ll make one more smoke, though I’m sure we’ve gone through enough during the day.



We’ve done pretty good. We managed to write 14 pages in one day. That’s half the paper!!! Have to admit though it’s looking a lot different than we imagined. The biggest change is in cutting down of the ideas we had outlined and using case studies for the whole first section on gathering knowledge. Basically, it’s like cheating … It is easier to write and fills up space! YAYYYY!!! Actually, it is probably much easier to read too.

Wow! We sure did open a lot of windows in the process. I think we are going to count them as we close down a few. Pshwoo … we closed 17 windows and left 3 remaining. We didn’t even start the day with the original 11! Sure is fun to have open all these windows and be shuffling them around in one direction or another. Yah, I know … I gotta get a life! Hehehe. Well smoke is out and the clock says 8 pm. Figure we’re about a half hour short from getting to bed when we should be. Kudos to anyone that managed to get to the end of this entry … but, only half kudos to the skiperers!

Damn beside the paper being 13 pages … with pictures and all this entry turned out to be 13 pages too. Ummm maybe it’s you all that oughta getta life! Hehehehe

posted by Ann Marie @ 3/25/2006 08:06:00 PM Comments: 7

Ok, morning ... it's going, it's going ...

Maybe we could concentrate a LITTLE on something else?



Good morning. It’s just me. We’re up earlier this morning! But, not moving so fast. It’s about 4 am now and V’s just got up. YAYYYYY! We’re trying out the new web cam this morning. So far he hasn’t complained … we’ll have to see how long before he shuts down the camera.

We’re on a break for a moment. Just opened the door for the kitties … Nice to have some fresh air in here today. This is going to be a hard morning, because somewhere in here, we need to clean up the place. We’ve got the cable guy coming this afternoon between 1-5. Kind of exciting … it’s our last toy … getting the phone connected. We’re moving right along into the 21rst century now!

Last night we had a doctor’s appointment with our regular MD doctor. That didn’t turn out so good. Medically we are fine, but she made us wait 25 minutes before coming back to finish last 3 minutes. I know she was taking care of another regular appointment because I heard that in the hall as she talked to a nurse. I was angry again  She was glib about it, and we were so mad, we couldn’t talk. Just nodded our head or shook it. All our defenses were up, so we didn’t stop by the lab as she told us to do and didn’t make another appointment in a month, OR stop by at the pharmacy for the new glucose machine. Dumb doctor! Just no excuse for rudeness.

We figure with the cable guy coming someone is really going to need cleaning up this place. *sigh* We’ve got resting on the back of the couch all the extra stuff that used to be on the table. Going to need figuring that out. Let’s take a peek. What’s back there … Hmm, navigational system … forgot all about that … opened the box and didn’t know what I was looking at. We’ve got another box here too for the new speaker, but we think we overpowered our electrical … we’re not getting any sound what so ever and the calculator doesn’t work. There’s also paper towel and toilet paper for cleaning and for blowin noses … out of tissue … probably should put that away. Hmm, Candle. What to do with that? Don’t want to mess up my table so much this time. Bread, books, couple loose pens. Shoot, if I don’t clean pretty fast, V. is going to see the light come up and it’s messy! SHOOT! Hold on better do a few things. 

Ok … worked a little … that’s as much as our back will allow. Lot’s of fiddling with one thing or another. Made progress … didn’t finish. Good, good … we went to school and picked up mail from the teacher. She’s let me know that I can either hand in the final paper Saturday, or I can take an incomplete. So, I officially took the incomplete. I will hand it in prior to the next semester starting though on April 3. Think that’s about 11 days. HOPEfully I don’t need all that time and we can allow for a little break. That sure be nice. PLUS, it make the V-ster happy! 

Let’s see 5 am now … when exactly does the sun rise? 

Taking another look into the depths of the living room. Ok, beside the vacumming the living room is picked up … shoot go some more rooms to go. We’re starting to see a little light in the background, but V’s signed off … we have to see how she shows up on video. Silly, silly us. Hmm. Wonder if this would be a good time to take a shower too? Maybe, maybe. Naw, let’s have just a little more coffee first.  Ok, we’re doing this!

What’s next?

Kitty litter? YEEKS! Definitely more coffee!

Still getting used to the camera being there. I want to be real to the people who I am talking too, even if now at the present that means just V. Trying to also get rid of some of the negative messages we give to ourselves in that we are not pretty enough to look at. That’s a chore! Ok, ok. Be nice!

Hmm, we are figuring out the face tracker. It seems to get the closure shots when we are being still, then backs up as we move. We’re going to deal here too, right? I think I’m going to need extra reassuring that we are alright to look at. It’s like the tiny camera people inside that round camera are sneaking up on me. Then we move our head slightly as we smile. Ope here they come again. Starting to see the back of my couch and the pillows that are sitting on it. For the record, I still love our couch, but am not so crazy about the sheets that are covering have of it to prevent the kitties from scratching. We haven’t tested out if they would still scratch since we’ve gotten the post.

Whoops, better check the organizer. What time is it now? Ok, stands to reason we should be thinking of something more concrete. Where are we? Besides moved around too much this morning already! Thrown off our bearings to think of somebody being in the house. My friend loves it though … like, “I knew you could clean the place up … now, next?!” WHOA … slow down buddy … we’re not steady yet away from the computer. Though it was kind of nice to visit the living room. I thought my does that couch look comfortable!

Ok, ok … the kitty litter really does need to be changed … hold on.

PSHWOO! Much better! Even mopped some around the area! Good Girl! And, man who thought of getting Fabreeze?? It’s terrific! S’pose that be a nother nice friend deed done! YAYYYYY!

Ok, next?? Need to sit for a while. Whoops forgot the new garbage bag. We’ll take care of that next trip up 

Let’s see. Nothing on work? Naw … just a casual day yesterday … not too much done. I did however get to talk to the assistant yesterday … that was nice. Pretty much we both talked about being psych students. She just got off spring break and is starting the survey process of her final paper. Sure don’t envy her for that! I’d do a 30 page paper, any day rather than be out surveying again. I know sooner or later, it’s going to have to get done, but not quite yet. There will be a big paper for ending the masters, then that all elusive one year paper doing the doctorate. Have to get a whole lot smarter between now and then.

Ok, a whole lot of nothing much getting done here. We’ve spent a whole lot of time playing around with web sites and pictures. It’s now 8:35. We haven’t even got breakfast done … Ok, at least got that started. Maybe eat now and then again about 2 … we’re going to have one of the dinners because we don’t know what else to have.

Maybe after breakfast we could go to school? That be a real good idea, right? Just haven’t had much solid thoughts yet this morning. I’m thinking too someone should start the dishwasher and clear off the dining room table. Hmm, what happens if the guy has to go to the bathroom? And, do you really think those clothes aren’t getting wrinkled? Hmm, too much, too much.

Relax … should have taken the medicine earlier.

Ok, ok … with much concentrated effort … we’re going to post, start the dishwasher and get BACK TO SCHOOL! You can do it babe!


Whoops almost forgot this ... It's one of our favorite things about the living room :)



I'm going V. I'm going...

posted by Ann Marie @ 3/22/2006 08:59:00 AM Comments: 5

Pop Quiz ... Can you tell the difference between Chief, Me and Missy?

(Clue ... Missy is always looking for what Chief gets! He's a pro con artist!)

posted by Ann Marie @ 3/22/2006 08:20:00 AM Comments: 4

Thinking ... thinking ...

Chief scarying Missy away!

Good morning … It’s just us. We are reporting in just for a few minutes today … No stop laughing … we’re serious! There … we set the timer … One slim hour! We’re facing a double deadline today … we can’t get too goofy here … We just set ourselves up to be here a while. We’ve eaten breakfast, done our exercises, gone to the bathroom multiple times after just as many cups of coffee, new pack of smokes, and we took our medicine. Good shape so far. We’re still fiddling with the screens, but pretty much think they’ll stay about the way we have them. We’re thinking it’s a little cluttered, because each window bumps up against the next, but we like the view in general. We’ve mentioned it several times, but I really like the colors displayed. We’ll learn to be more accurate in our scanning of the screens as we adjust to where everything is at.

The one that is most questionable at this time is the Paper Tiger program. It is kind of a cataloguing thing that we are in the process of trying to figure out its significance. I know what I’m using it for at work, but I’m having trouble bridging the need here. Unfortunately, that doesn’t satisfy us in the least! Our original thought was to catalogue all the books, and believe me one day we will! But, for now we’re thinking of its best use for school, just we don’t know how to use it, so that it is more benefit than work. Ideally, I would use it to catalogue the papers and comments we are writing. We could set up a location for each course. I’m not sure how much information it would hold per file. Let me see here.

AHA! It is now 8:30, so that means we are past our slim hour, but the majority of the time has been spent at school. I think I saved 50 points by getting a couple of more comments placed. We had some fun doing it in the meantime. There is one particular fellow student that I’ve come to love. We umm, teased him for putting out a two paragraph paper, half of which is paraphrased from the first paragraph of the reading. Well, we didn’t though tease him as much as he deserved! We did fool around with his concepts of women’s beauty. To be fair, he took the position that we should ban public pressure to be thin due to a preconceived idea that this is always more sexual. I introduced him to Darla’s 30 million dollar Sport’s Illustrated diamond swimsuit, and suggested looking at his pocketbook, “who is inadequate now!”

Hehehe still chuckling over that one! Also, within this last period of time, we decided to copy/paste over the semester. We had already taken a copy of both assignments and comments from the courseroom over to Word, so it was a simple process. We put the title and such in item name, used as state above “Multicultural” for the file location, and under keywords, we pasted the entire entry. It is marvelous … now when I enter the keyword search, like for my final paper, I just need to type in African and I get ten different instances of using the word (African American) during the semester. It takes just an instant to realize that I wrote five papers that included conversation on African Americans and five comments throughout the semester. Hehehe … It just as easily tells me I’ve written 8 posts to my favorite student and fitness comes up exactly twice … once in a paper, and now this last time to Kirk. Shoot what other interesting items? AHA! It turns out we used the term “self-control” exactly three times … twice in papers and once in a comment. Skimming over that now …

I would think this person's expression of anger to be demonstrative of a certain amount of self-control loss by both, which seemed provoked by the therapist's inadequate multi-cultural views.

The therapist thought incorrectly that the family perceived his openness and intimacy as being wise, where the family most likely thought that a wiser professional to be in more self-control.

I found interesting within mention of limits, boundaries, punctuality, and formality that each appeared to be resolved utilizing "on-time" ethics of self-control and I could see where this might be generalized to life in general.

This is then thought of as …

Expression of anger as loss of self-control
Family perception of loss of self-control due to openness and intimacy
Being in self-control through ethics of being formally “on-time.”

So, collectively we could think …

Anger could be considered an open and intimate form of self-control loss and that to regain self control one must exhibit the formality of being “on-time” in self-representation, particularly in setting boundaries. Basically, to meet one’s social obligation of self-control in some cultures, one must confine strong emotions. It would then also stand to reason that in some cultures, one must free strong emotions. In the examples from above boundaries were set by Hispanic Americans and Asian Americans by confining emotions where the African American culture boundaries were set by freeing emotions. White Americans still set the norms, which lie between the others’ emotional truths.

HA! It works for me!

Oh man … I just love this stuff! I’ve gone through a semester and am now able to put together a couple of statements of what I’ve learned about self-control in a multicultural arena. Damn BUT I’m not getting a paper written … best move forward.

posted by Ann Marie @ 3/20/2006 09:35:00 AM Comments: 6

Oh man oh man!

Jacob gave me the two cents we needed!

posted by Ann Marie @ 3/19/2006 05:26:00 PM Comments: 2

Poverty is next on scholastic docket ...

Good morning. This is me. We’ve had a nice quiet morning. Still not getting to the coursework fast. Maybe after we write a bit. I’m not sure if we are simply avoiding or just trying to reorient selves. Maybe a little bit of both. We’re loving every square inch of the new monitor. It seems like the most natural thing in the world that we are able to see all 5 screens. It is like checking the pulse of our being all in one swift glance. We’ve got to build a stronger neck though. We are looking slightly to the left rather than straight ahead. This will change when we figure out how to make both screens work. Our regular writing with Word will be on the smaller screen directly in front of us.

In some ways it feels like being in a cockpit … all the relevant gauges and fixtures are in place. I think if we were to break it down … The organizer helps us to keep up with time, the notebook is for order, the performance diet for energy and self-nurturance, online for our world needs and the Word program is our stream of consciousness. Then of course, the music is playing in the background … we’re listening through ear phones. I used to keep the AOL screen and everything sat on top of that. Now it’s just another window and they all sit on the Windows opening screen. That way they don’t disappear as I merge over to another screen. I am adjusting to the IM’s being smaller, but that is the biggest challenge. It makes me so happy. It has taken on a bulletin board affect as we were hoping it would. Man how did we do those days where everything was black with green screens? My systems now are all black, but the color from each of the different programs stands out like a beckoning light. I love too the clearness of the computer table with the extra things removed; except my color pens and markers and the calculator. I need those things absolutely.

The kitties like the new arrangement too. Sometimes we have to convince them that the extra space isn’t so they can sit in front of my screens! Silly cats!

I pushed the screens and keyboard back a little … My forearms are now resting on the foot of space before the keyboard for the time being sitting on an angle. That was mostly because it was comfortable, but also because now I know there will be enough room to lay a text book directly in front of me and still be able to reach the keyboard.

WoooHoooo just found out Lori was getting a new system. Can’t beat that! So much excitement in putting a package together. I think though yesterday we about made our friend faint in that male duct tape kinda thinking when he saw the mess of cords behind the table. I had to unplug the electric pencil sharpener to get in the newest cord. That was a big disappointment. I’m thinking I might have to get rid of the extension cord and build into things a second power strip. Is that possible without blowing out the whole deal? I’m thinking that way also because by Wednesday we figure that we’ll have a new phone system to plug in. No, we haven’t invested yet in a power plant, but if we had the extra cash … He was so patient untangling all the cords. He put rubber bands around each to cut down the tangle affect. Umm, said something about now being able to vacuum under there *gulp!* Hmm, I suppose we could put the stand for the cordless phone in the kitchen or on the coffee table in front of the couch. That might force me to walk into other rooms of the apartment. Yeeks, that’s scary thinking!

The next deal is in getting another set of web cams for work and home. I know, I know … check book back to zero. *sigh* I don’t know if any of you have them, but we’re thinking that someway or another we’re going to get to eventually face to face speak with V. It’s been two and a half years now and I think I’ve seen only 3 images from him. Hehehe I figure if we hook up the camera on our computer … he’ll look past our shoulders and see more of the living room then we do! Onward marches our journeys toward progress. Yep, yep give us another 5 years and we might even arrange airfare! We hold forward as our carrot the image of one day seeing a WaWa Philly sandwich and cherry tasty pie!  Hmm, better count on bringing our own jelly though 

Hmm … maybe better wait on telling V about the trip. Pretty sure he’s going to tell us to stop spending money  I know we’ll tell him we’ll get GENERIC jelly! Hmm, that might work!

Hmm, if you eat pizza for breakfast you use 82% of all the available fat you should eat for the day. That doesn’t sound so good. Drat! Sr. sent all the extra boxes from pizza day home with staff. Maybe that wasn’t such a good deal.

Ok, ok … pretty obvious that we’re avoiding work now. Let’s work toward getting a little excited about that process. Only two more days for this course. I am going to be spending my last available free week working on the big paper. I figure that I am going to take an incomplete. To do this you have to turn in all the regular work on time. That’s what we have to aim for next. Just got this week’s work to hand in. We sluffed yesterday because of the activities and because we have tomorrow off to finish getting them in. Still means we have to get a paper done both today and tomorrow. Maybe we should check to see what’s due now. Hold on.

AHA! Found my way back to school. Started by checking out the resources … We found that we don’t have any chapters to read this week instead we are supposed to do the research on our own. They offered a few suggestions, but most of that reading was through whole entire books! Man, you just know that isn’t going to work. But, we found one site that listed articles and book reviews on a lot of social work issues. The subject for this next two days is policy and procedures for economics (poverty) and religion. Found tons of really good reading. I have to do this part fast though because there is a lot of material and we’re already past morning. YEEKS! I was just skimming so far. Well, better get back to work. Have to close down for a minute first … dumb Windows Media player keeps freezing up my screen! Double damn … Ok, getting on with it then!

posted by Ann Marie @ 3/19/2006 12:50:00 PM Comments: 3