Ayn's Multiple World

June 9 through June 13 - Linda and CS

Ann Ludford Garvey June 9 at 4:40am
I'm sorry, but we had written this on Monday, but then had forgotten to post. You already know the result of the day was that we used our vacation day to make Vickie's quilt. I guess we had a lot of psychological strife. Tuesday wasn't such a good day because we had trouble focusing on work. We seem to be up and down there. Maybe we can pull our minds into something more productive. About a half hour ago ... we made sure everything in the place was picked up including the dishwasher and our sewing room. You know the feeling that after a project things have to be cleaned up ... yesterday coming into the messier state was too much and we just crashed - in a overly tired way. Ok, now its today?

Wow! Everyone had a great weekend and we all made it back safe and sound. Linda … we had some rain, but just short outbursts. I posted some pictures of the big clouds. Ok, maybe we shouldn't be taking pictures while driving, BUT it just seemed so darn cool. I enjoyed taking pictures of the weekend and I'm going to treasure the ones of all us together around the table. That's the kind of thing that you can just long to get back to. I'm thinking too Linda if you can take on some more work - that maybe you can help with some of the smaller squares. I had started with it, but it was too much on the difficult side. CS then took over the project, but then she also has all the petals. I wish I could feel more confident in doing what should have been my share, but I don't think I'm good enough to do things the right way. It's too much pressure.

I'm not so sure that I'd like the thought of giving up my studio for someone to be staying, but I have to appreciate that you are willing to do the best for the family Linda. CS is pretty understanding as to putting up with us … we were all good Saturday, but Sunday had a bit of a meltdown because someone didn't want to go home. It was a mixed up time for us because I think we were caught between not being able to finish all the work we'd wanted to do. I don't think we attack anyone … just feel too young and cranky so CS had a hard time talking to me without hearing from a grouch.

We're like aware we're running rough … and the best thing is for us to work calmly and quietly through it. Just start and stops on the work load are tough on the system. We need to switch gears within, but to be having specific things to do we are feeling self-control with. We really do get into being productive and it helps us a lot emotionally. We were probably tired too and had a hard time staying up while driving. Very releaved to get home safely. It was a wonderful weekend we just want to ride the clock. I think Linda you know what were saying in that it's always nice to work quietly before bedtime. It seems to be settling. Not so sure of working for a couple hours after midnight CS … that? Maybe not so calming!

I'm not sure as well of the problem we're having going down in the basement to do work. It seems to be building as a pattern. I think we're having a hard time with all the stimulus down there. We're having confusions between the present and the past and our younger parts especially are having a rough time with basement work. We haven't done much in basements since being a kid … and that's where we used to be sent as a punishment. We had a very unfinished basement as a kid and we were sent down a lot like a bad animal. I can remember hiding in dark corners like in bags of old clothes under the stairs. CS might not remember this, but I don't think she was ever really sent down on her own or for many long periods of time as we were. Eventually we made the best of it in that there was a piano down there and we taught ourselves some basics there was also somewhat of an upgrade to the basement - not all the rooms, but some. I think the piano was good for us, because emotionally we could work out some of the anger and depression through the moodiness of the music. This is the sort of thing we usually talk to our doctor about and may have something to do with our crankiness on Sunday. I also remember our childhood home and times of trying to clean up the messes down there … it was a pretty terrible place to be remember laying at times too on the stairs looking out the crack in the door … Ok, us … time to let that go … pswhoo. Is Dr. M. coming back THIS week? We've been without sessions over the last two weeks. Think it's time to visit him. :(

On cheerier sides we're back into our regular environment and have the day off. It's about 9:30 am now. We had started writing earlier after waking up at 4 am. But, we fell asleep on the bed waiting for Rich to get out of the shower, and then fell asleep on the couch after he got his coffee. I think we're up, but we had been pretty tired and sugared out. *sigh* We're not very good at setting limits. I think Rich must provide some sense of safety for younger parts, I know that we didn't give him any trouble when he said we should go to bed with him at 9:30 am. He's got this method of getting us to sleep. He says remember you just have to massage us and that will calm you enough to sleep. Funny thing is … he's usually right! Sneaky devil!

Yeeks my boss' secretary just called while I was at home and I had to step into work world for a moment. I think our heart beat elevated, but it's now over. Lordy I hate working with people from the State. There's always 20 things you don't know to the 20 things you do now. UGH! Ok, calm down calm down … Missy's trying to now tell me if I massage her I will calm down and relax. Damn this household is out to get me! SOOO, I thought more practically, order your prescriptions. Good good … that's done :) CS … my strap did break all the way on the backpack. We'll try to get it in later today. BUT other than this … think we've got to do something fun and not practical. We made ourselves a pot of coffee and am starting to think the age old question … write or sew?

Ann Ludford Garvey June 9 at 10:22am
Good morning … today is Wednesday and it's a brand new day. The dishwasher is swishing away happily ever after and Anderson Cooper is about finished for the night. I think the 3-5 am time slot is his show from 9 - 11 pm. I know just like the night nurses being off duty that in 9 minutes Anderson will be off and the morning staff will be ready to start up with fresh new takes on the news. He was doing interviews with 5 of the victims from the oil rig. Couple of the guys were crying after just a few words. They are going through Post traumatic stress disorder. I sure hope they are going to get those guys emotional help. They are still living in the nightmare.

Ahh Karen Chetry and John Roberts …

Better move off the news too. Not as interested in political outcomes of the night … well except the one … the lady who started and ran e-Bay won her race in California. It's just the primaries, but still it will be an interesting change going from Arnold Schwarteneiger to a business mongol. People seem to be looking for a change there. They are like billons in debt. Ok, shhh shhh. I think we're going to turn off the volume for a bit…

Hmm, went to do the shower and wake up Rich then there was a lot of falling asleeps and getting up and falling asleep. We're up now … I think.

Ok, back again … It's about 10 to 9 am. We didn't make it out for the day … Rich is not too happy, but we called in sick. For some reason we've been having these pretty big ups and downs and it seems like we keep losing moments or more of consciousness … I think of it like falling asleep, but when you are at work or driving it feels like falling down a deep hole and then startling to awareness. Still thinking this has something to do on an emotional level with not seeing Dr. Marvin for a bit. We also don't know if we shouldn't see Dr. Albright the medical doctor. We haven't seen her for a while and are afraid that she's going to say we have sleep apnea again, diabetes AND tendonitis golfer's elbow opposed to tennis elbow because it's on the inside - to think more arthritis ... be too much. This is our :( frowny face as to all that. I don't like feeling complainy.

CS I don't know what to say about your upcoming surgery. I don't know if it is a good idea to be at Joe's wedding just a few days after. We'll have to talk about that. Anything causing a distraction isn't going to be good either for you, me or Joe and Cari. It's got to be about them. I don't know how involved I will feel … I was hoping to feel less stress than more. Isn't there someway you could put it off a week? I've had to cancel weekends after your pump was just changed because you were as you stated are out of it when it happens. I just can't imagine all that AND having removed and replaced the pump entirely through surgery and then traveling and going through a wedding.

I don't know … we should talk.

Ann Marie

Ann Ludford Garvey June 10 at 11:18am
Good morning. This is me. We’re still not up to the speed of work yet, but at least will have a Dr. meeting today. It’s a standing appointment at 4:30 pm. We’ll get a chance to talk about things that need talking about. I apologize for the complications in our thoughts, but it is part of me being an us and other. CS – we’ll continue if you will to talk about the surgery situation and what it represents, but we are going to need figuring it out whether you talk or not. Linda … I know that we are talking about family issues in general and out loud, and I hope you are ok with this. It seems you represent a bit of normalcy in both CS and our life. It seems safer having you here and maintaining a strong quilting presence … though maybe that’s something we’ll have to deal with in another way – depending on your comfort ability. I’m thinking both CS and us have taken you in as a real sister and being part then of our family. Let us know whether or not a boundary should be put up.

In general, we have troubles with the medical platform of CS as much as the psychological platforms we share. We are on two different pages here between CS and us. She seems to rely more on medical support and we seem to have centered more on psychological support. I’m worried about myself going back into medical because we’re not taking good enough time with our weight and all that follows in that condition. CS used to do more with psychological support, but now she doesn’t. I’m hoping that both of us relating to each other do more good than harm.

Both situations have demanded the attention of caregivers – primarily doctors. CS has been most likely over 3-4 dozen hospitalizations for surgery or other so having another one just puts weigh on the general load. We’re probably not too far behind her. I think the first doctor problems we heard CS go back to early Jr. High with Wandasee maybe sooner or missing out months of school at a time. I think CS was having problems sooner … and we always mark the time of being in some kind of special program at her 5th grade for dieting. Standing on this platform, it’s always been a complication between us. More lately in our day to day life … we’ve striven to focus our relationship on the quilting more than being too sickly to do anything, but bed rest. But, CS then when you should take it easier due to recovery you over-extend yourself and we end up worried over the other side of an extreme.

When adding your situation to ours meaning the complications of our own medical/psychological model there is a lot out there to figure out. We have parts in particular that have a harder time day to day than normal. Dr. Woolcott used to say that we can go so far and then there’s a relapse or are doing fine and then give up the ship. Now the relapses are missing a day or two from work, where it used to mean going back to the hospital because we’ve been overwhelmed in stress or other. You know that the past we both share has lead to complications in our lives … I deal with it through a long-standing relationship with Dr. Marvin … you get other attention with this I think from being cared for medically through doctors and nursing staff … that meaning the nice nurses.

As stated before we could argue out this point. It affects us when you are being more a disabled patient, but then here we are on our second day off because we’re not doing well. The quilting is a good means for both of us to step away from being a patient or in any form ill to be taking care of having a life other than a patient model. If I were to stand on a platform of my disabilities I would lose all confidence in that which I can do over that which I have problems with. Other things that are good for us is to be doing some kind of work – which means me going to work or you helping Mark. Housework, diet, and exercise should also be part of our healthier conversations – as WELL as being organized and setting goals. This part includes you too Linda ;)

To do that I realize I have weekly assistance through Dr. Marvin. It’s much harder for me without an appointment for 3 weeks. Without his assistance I get tangled up in sorting out reactions and thoughts that happen at the different levels of our parts. You know that family including you has always been a big influence on my mental state. Things like your medical are a complication to our minds and personalities. I couldn’t tell you why, but to get out our frustration with you not being available because of sickliness it will take most of our time this afternoon along with figuring out now why the basement at your place was so difficult.

This simple talk with him is much better than all the years separated from you because just saying your name or another family members name was so complicated, weighted down in our minds, or might produce so much depression or other forms of incomprehension. I’m not saying these are faults of yours, but in our own way of handling life as we know it including being the older sister feeling some responsibility for not only me (us), but as well you. Your having sat out so much of life feels to us as though we weren’t able to take care of you as we theoretically set ourselves to. It goes back way further than the anger and guilt of Kathy Head telling us that we had to take care of you because we were the stronger one. That thought had inflamed us because we were having so much difficulty surviving the family situation ourselves.

It somehow affects the thought of being at Joe’s wedding. You haven’t seen Joe for about 2 dozen years. I spent most my life “protecting” kids from the family problems. And, I spent a great part of my adult life 26 years out of my oldest sons 30 years in treatment because of the severity of our family structure on me. I really pushed Joe to include you at the wedding because he is wary of my involvement with family … he knows how hard I’m working to build a relationship to you, but that in the past usually being in touch with family meant another hospitalization. We’ve talked about this between in the recent past. Now a meeting has been arranged and it’s also being arranged for you to have a surgery 4 days before the wedding. I can’t say how much you are putting into that because I hear your complications scheduling with your surgeon – it’s a breakdown point of trust. I’m trying not to think its emergency surgery, because it’s being put off about a month and a half, though every surgery is important. I think it’s more the medical platform I know you hold. I’ve worked hard between the two of us trying to stay on the healthier platform … I can’t help but to thing this is a regression. Though in a business model, we’d have to say we could turn any internal “threat” into an relationship opportunity.

I am having complications at the wedding upholding my own wellness particularly with ex and his family, I know you are going to need attention because you are pushing yourself to having surgery, taking a 2-3 hour trip, going through an outside wedding and then traveling back home in the same day. To say any differently would be a problem, it poses a further relationship problem because the boys only knew through all those silent years because of your medical and emotional neediness and now when I’ve thought to have brought them through it in more acceptance of you we’re reintroducing you and we find again you’re in this state that has distressed them in the past. It’s just a hard thing. This sort of still tends to overwhelm me. I like to have more control over the negatives. Again … we have our own issues to go through and we’ll go through this one too, it’s just an extra complication.

Please forgive us our wordiness in trying out loud to understand and further advance this discussion. Linda this is more fun than housekeeping right? Stick with us ;)

Ann Ludford Garvey June 10 at 11:19am
As to other things … and we’re guessing here we’re into our second message because the first will have been so long … we are doing our own in and out things with air conditioning. Today seems ok to be doing without it, but we’d have it on in a flash if it were to get uncomfortable. We haven’t been able to get any sewing done, but we’re thinking that after lunch we’ll give it another try. I might work on some of the things that CS sent our way at last time met. I think there’s something easy to do with strips of fabric, something for an old neighbor friend CS wants to treat and something of 4 block of the month packages, although I’m not sure of that … CS did you take on another major project without finishing one of the others? YEEKS!

I think you are both being up pretty late. Were checking times and its been reading after 11 pm to 12 am. Hmm? I think the nice part about lists is that you can take them in and out as needed. I figure that on our list is getting back to work. To do that I’ve spent a couple days at home and will drive that situation to being able to leave home, which means I might as well put on the list picking up the house and taking care of my mental state. These seem to be distractions to me going back to work. Fortunately Sr.’s put up with our situation for about a decade and handles the situation. Both here and at work, if I can get out the smaller “bugaboos” then I’m much more able to get to the other stuff. Part of this is keeping up with healthy sleep patterns. I’ve needed quite a bit of sleep in the last few days even when I’ve gone to bed and gotten up at good times. It’s like the extra sleep is calming, but I can’t do it on a regular basis. However, we were finding working, coming home and eating and then napping for like an hour would get us back up and doing more like the quilting or meeting Rich before we were back in bed at 10 pm.

Linda I think if you wanted to put up a list or 20 on Facebook – we’d all love to help in the small ways we could. CS is going to volunteer more than she SHOULD be doing, but I can appreciate her heart is in the right place. My suggestion is that we can open another Note “Organizing and Scheduling” and then make the comments as necessary to support one another. Maybe there’d be bigger more general lists for like for Linda getting metal shelves, picking up the basement, dusting whichever room, cleaning closets, or washing blankets – oh that’s right its summer we can let that go! And, then we can take any one of those and break it down into objectives met. That means we’d start a note saying “getting metal shelves” then we would break it down to evaluating space, taking measurements, adjust to needs, figure out budget, look for computer or store deals, compare products, compare other competitive financial goals, if possible purchase, in the meantime sort and order what goes where, finally place items in shelves, plan to then sweep/vacuum cleaner floor, and maybe then redecorate or rearrange space.

Then we’d have a list for all the other goals as well. And THEN we’d put them in order and priority. By now Linda is thinking Oh Lord … this is going to reasonably take me past Christmas, what can I do to lighten the load. Hey I have a husband! Is this then where we come up with our “Honey-do” lists? Hehehe maybe we can or cannot orchestrate for two. Pretty sure that you’d have to have your hubby on board – there should also be an allowance or budget of time to be doing things to relax, like movies, books and quilting. We don’t want to think impressing relatives is more important than taking care of self. 30 – 9, In my way of counting … you’ve only got just over 3 weeks so that make how many available weekends? This is where you gotta assign times for each project. As to the above

Evaluate space – 45 min
Taking measurements – 1 hour (20 minutes for finding measuring tape)
Adjust to (worry over) needs – 2 hours
Figure out budget – 30 min
Looking for right deal/compare products – 3 hours
Compare other financial goals – 40 min
Purchase (at a store) – 2 hours
Purchase all the things extra while at the hardware store to throw off budget – 1 ½ hours
Sort and order – ¾ of a LONG Saturday
Place items on shelves – after dinner and late going to bed – 1.5
Redecorate – 2 hours of a Sunday morning - 2.0
PLUS – 3 hours to relax and quiet the mind – 3.0

So … lets add it up (I can hardly wait to see the changes in duties and time YOU put into this ;).

.75 + 1.0 + 2.0 + .50 + 3.0+. .67 + 2.0 + 1.5 + 9.0 + 1.5 + 2.0 + 3.0 = Hmm, almost 27 hours of work … 12 hours work in a HARD day off … means this project alone could take easily just over 2 days. BUT, you only have the 12th and 13th, 19th and 20th, 26th and 27th … so then think are we going to prioritize this project for an entire weekend?

Ok, we’re getting a drift here … so ladies are we going to go for it? Should we set up an organization set of notes. Oh man you know I’M going to GO for IT! I’ll think of that next – go ahead and jump in if you want ;) Hmm, forgot what it takes to bus stuff over to Goodwill. Ok, now Linda are you ready for some REAL list making I’m pretty sure I’m going to head for my iPod to electronically organize first. Love doing order … not so much … the work.

Our best,
Ann Marie

Ann Ludford Garvey June 10 at 11:43am
I thought you'd both enjoy this. I turned on my iPod and was reminded I have an application for "excuses."

1. I won't be in today because my boyfirend cam home last night with head lice.
2. My car ran out of gas on the way to work
3. Someone dumped a truck-load of sand in front of my driveway and I won't be in today.
4. I was actually out in the parking lot the last two hours. A rabid dog wouldn't let me get out of my car.
5. Can't make it in. I have a chance of filling in for someone on jury duty.
6. I will be late as there is a man laying in front of my door and I'm not sure if he is dead or not, so I'm waiting for the police to come.
7. I sprained my writs cooking dinner in the microwave last night.
8. I can't come to work today, my chain came off my bike.
9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
& 10. I was late for work because the train had a flat. :)

11. One more Linda ... just for you ....

I dreamed that I was fired, so I didn't bother to get out of bed. :) :) :)

Ann Ludford Garvey June 10 at 4:17pm
Thank you for your thoughtful and responsive efforts. There's is too much other thought to go into things now. I'm parked waiting for the drive to the ramp. In general I don't think there's much that couldn't be improved with conversation. Usually when we find someone in our system is upset it is that parts responsibility to communicate and the rest job to be fair and not judgemental. We thank you for your patience with this.

Ann Ludford Garvey June 11 at 12:38pm
Good morning or more aptly good afternoon. We've been negligent in getting out a morning message earlier. We were working on the organization part. I'm really happy that the system can be used on computer and iPod. It helps with flexibility. I look forward to your input on this "new system" You gotta know we love systems! We heard from CS last night ... as to organization it sounded something like this ...
ssssssssscccccccccrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeachhhhhhhhh!!

We'll have to get CS on board before she derails! I think she's a BIT resistant to putting this kind of order in her existence. Hehehe we'll have to check that out! Ok, CS ... just open the program :)

I hear you CS as to asking gentle questions about what am I going to wear to Joe's wedding. You can imagine because I am me - that its really low on my priority list - though is starting to cause some consternation. Ugh. I believe I won't be doing anything with it until Maybe about two weeks prior. I don't know about going in to a specialty wedding store. It seems a bit fancy for me. I'm not sure if they could help with something that last moment, but that gives me a month to work on the diet. I didn't even before now realistically think I was going to need doing something of weight IN connection with wedding and pictures and all. I think in general the wedding is still in dissociation stage.

Maury called a bit ago … he hasn't been in touch for a month - when he came to pick up furniture. He was out of state for about 10 days. He had something to tell me, but also was throwing out something on me maybe coming to see the new place when the girls weren't there. I think that means he wants a little more adult time. When the girls are around they get most of my attention. He also said something though secondarily about meeting his girlfriend Nicki, but he added he wasn't sure of how I'd react to her - I think he's protecting her from me. Blah!

I said I don't know much about her. She's your girlfriend, you spend a lot of time with her and her girls, she's critical of you on FB, and she's part of why I'm not getting to see my Grandchildren. He asked why I said and he wanted to deny it, but I recalled for him a previous conversation right before the move where he said I wasn't a priority in relating because he wanted to focus more of his time on getting Nicki and the four children between them accustomed to each other. So he's been doing that. I truly don't understand why I should be soooo difficult to fit in, but he's not helping the relationship between me and his new girl by putting this much distance between everyone. BLAH! We're angrily counting … She's been around since February and I haven't seen my grandchildren since December. Ok, no small problem here! It's JUNE! HMPF!

Ok, that's all I want to say on that hot button issue. He couldn't yet even now schedule in a time, but we said that we are available and call when he has some time. So enough … of that! Mom's we can get SOOOO honery!

Joe and their brother Thom aren't much higher on the list. I raised the kids so they could get along without me. And, now for that independence we are living the repercussion. When big things come or go calls are made and visits happen, but the old fashioned idea of going out at least once a month for dinner or having them here or us there … that's like just not happening. Thom's got the … but, Mom I'm in Japan excuse, but believe me … we've heard they got phones, email and everything. Grrr…

Soooo on the back to Ann INDEPENDENT from kids, we're actually doing ok. Not great, but we scheduled out the rest of the work week and am focusing again on the order and organization. We also made a regular dr. appointment for Tuesday at 11:30 am. I would have made it Monday, but I think Rich wants me to sit with his Mom while he goes out to fish with Bud. I also hear his brother is trying to get together for the 3rd or 4th of July. I'm not a big fan of do-it-yourself fireworks, but will follow the crowd.

Linda if I had to spend as much time with family as you are going to be doing - something in the range of 32 entire days alll about at once I'd have to be locked up! I'd like to hear the plan of how to do the quilting when someone's staying in the room. AND, we were curious how old is your 2nd SIL's child? That is a very telling forecast ;)

Rich will be going to Canada the last week of June and getting back July 3rd. That's pretty much of the summer plan. Rich wants to take his Mom and Bud on a long weekend to WI and stay at a cottage and do summer/fall things. We'll see how that happens. I know Rich's Mom is old enough that whatever can be done should be done. She used to take the kids all over the states when she was young and single. Gotta respect that. Rich wants to take me out fishing more often and we should go because it makes him happy and us as well after we get out there, but change is always tough - especially when wanting to be in someone's room! I mean studio!

I'm afraid of that baggage stuff … we're pretty much thinking we have a whole cargo bay full. I'm appreciative Linda that you are so understanding about talking freely between us. We never questioned you sense of keeping things private. I don't mind things being talked about between the four of us, but I hope that people come to trust me enough to talk to me about some of the things that CS might not know so much of … like the multiplicity. We're like one of those people that think ask, ask! We never really get to talk about it to regular people and it be nice we could be on a level that it's said and realized it's not a real big deal … Just some things are obviously very different for us.

But, the general principles are the same … though sometimes elevated. Like when you think of communication between you and your lover and family members as important … it's the same in a multiple system/family. What's right for one of us has to work for the others when living together or we'd be at odds with ourselves.

We found out what happens when we took our Casies (Casey and KC) fudgicles off the diet list … because then Casey acted out in other ways like not wanting to go to bed and using all the Dr. Marvin time complaining about us and our goofy rules. That probably seems like an odd statement, but it's pretty much how it goes. Our fudgicles now though are fat free and only right before bedtime … that's just one instance of communication.

In general though we love communication and have parts that specialize in it. Most often with the exception of dramatic changes in attitude or age level … we're pretty seamless so you won't notice a whole lot until you knew us. No one calls us by all the names we fall under, but sometimes in explaining ourselves we'll call parts by their name just to explain differences of thought. We all answer to Ann - and are now working on Ann Marie. There are 20 parts in all. I had to laugh CS when you made the statement - 2 days without … is so unlike you. We think yeah maybe unlike a major shareholder, but certainly not out of the realm of our spread. Still there's rules and standards and ideals we're trying to work through collectively as one.

Ok, so enough for the moment. We do love questions. But, in general I want to be thought of as just a normal moose. Maybe I'm like a moose with frills ;)

Oh one more thing ... I did finally get to sewing last night and plan to again in a few moments. We've needed a quiet morning without TV, Rhapsody, iPod or other. We're going to try allowing sound back into the system and we're going to go back to some sewing. Last night we finished cutting out the flannel strips for CS project. We sewed two together, but then it was too late. We did have a talk with CS and there will be that much more on accomplishing tasks and goals - SOOOO that quilts get finished without starting so many. Hmm?

Our best,
Ann Marie

Ann Ludford Garvey June 11 at 3:18pm
Oh my I come over here and we here you spreading more confusion. You used to be able to do the trees in English, so you have all the concept you need to be a pro. Last night was like ... NO I'M NOT GOING TO LOOK! I think you needed your full mind about you. But, alas I see the trouble ... probably because your a "singleton" hehehe that's an insider multiple joke :) You are organized as we all are to just a degree. If you were ALL over organized your studio would look a little different. Part of the organizing is what the Flylady calls the 27-fling boogy. You are supposed to put on some real bouncy music - happy stuff, take a plastic bag and walk around your house upstairs/down until you can throw away 27 items. Woosh real fast. She doesn't want you to overthink. And after you put something in the garbage your NOT supposed to take it back out! Flylady doesn't believe in garage sales because she wants you to detach from your stuff more cleanly. There's the stuff for the garbage, the stuff for good will, and stuff that has to be returned somewhere. She calls putting things out for free "blessing your neighbors." BUT don't get rid of quilting fabric or quilts! Well Flyday doesn't really say that, but your sister does! Flylady says you are never late - just jump in where you are. The first time you come up with a morning, afternoon, and evening routine, it takes a bit, but she gives you suggestions some of what we've used, other than that you're just trying to build good habits. Flylady wants the bed made as your leaving it, the kitchen sink cleaned daily, to be showered, dressed and clothed including shoes first thing ... and you swoosh your toilet clean while waiting for the shower to warm up ;) Oh man we got lots to learn! She guarantees though that after you get going, you take the panic out of people stopping over and worrying whether your place is clean enough. Hmm, do any of us do that?

Ann Ludford Garvey June 11 at 3:43pm
We took it one step further and challenge you for $15 + shipping to do the same ... :) We ordered from her site a declutter kit. I want to back up what we say ... I think decluttering closets is my BIGGEST problem. But, I'd be willing to say ... your's might be the sewing studio you say you love? Hmm, or a closet, cabinet or basement (with hubby) Uh-huh uh-huh... I'm throwing down obviously the gauntlet!


Ann Ludford Garvey June 11 at 4:17pm
Hmm, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck ... You gotta play by flyladies rules and not get into "perfectionistic" thinking ... that's like one of her real bad things like stinknthinkn. She doesn't like it when you overwhelm cleaning ... it's to be done daily and orderly ... and for the big stuff like zones you can only work 15 minutes at a time. She's got tons of info in her left column you can find everything from her home page or there. Give it a time slot when you have room to play

Ann Ludford Garvey June 11 at 4:21pm
Her control journal she talks about is going over to my outliner ... I've got to study up on it a bit more. I know she likes to fill it up with stuff like numbers and useful info. I'm going over there to refresh myself. Whoops shouldn't spend money on flylady while Rich is looking at the online bank paying bills. I know they are my bills, and my money paying them, but he's like do it my way or the highway ... Yeeks!

Ann Ludford Garvey June 11 at 8:30pm
Just catching you here Linda ... because we're going to do a walk with Rich now that it's getting darker. This is like a big new deal for us .. I hope it takes. I did want to comment quickly on the challenge. The picture above showes three containers that are part of the flyLady's system. She wants her people to do regular 27 fling boogies. Basically, you move quickly through your house or room or drawer or whatever and you pick-up 27 things for the containers. You either have to throw it, move it, or give it away. I've been thinking of the two of you ... My studio is too new to be messed up yet, but between those rooms and the basements you both have (I don't) there's most likely a lot to be boogying away. I thought the containers were affordable totalling $14-15 if you were game, but I think there is $7-8 shipping (no tax). Any bag would really do though. The flylady has periods during the year she will have people weigh all the clutter they are getting rid of and they shoot for hundreds of thousands of pounds decluttered. I think the one image I have of her in this regard was a letter she once wrote. If you and your hubby were to die tomorrow ... thank God you won't, but basically if you did what would your inlaws be looking at in cleaning out your house? Makes it a lot eaiser to get rid of stuff ;)

Well mostly those are the rules ... I guess I came up with my own version of the 27 fling boogie, but here is where you can find the pros!

http://flylady.net/pages/FLYingLessons_Decluttertips.asp

Sure make it easier to clean ;)



FlyLady.net: Declutter 15 Minutes per Day
flylady.net
Declutter your home using FlyLady's 15 minute tools including the popular 27-fling boogie, and the hot spot fire drill!

Ann Ludford Garvey June 12 at 9:12am
Good morning Part 1 … here we are and it’s still morning – WooHOO!! WOW! You ladies are amazing me! I can’t believe how much everyone has written. I know it takes a while, but it’s so nice and cleansing to the soul. It’s one of my favorite things now to rush to the FB messages area to see if anyone has added anything - Just so impressionable. I also appreciate your patience with the outliner. Both of you might want to try some, but obviously not as much as me. I’ve still got problems with obsessiveness.

Sometimes some of our parts overwhelm other parts too. Please don’t feel intimidated with the project … Just start with the more simple ways you’ve got to be making your own lists. My outlines will give you ideas, but we don’t need to compete. It’s just the way our goofy minds work. It’s part of our multiplicity … we’ve learned over the years in part because our official problem of moderate disability in being able to recall from memory, that we write almost everything out. That way too the other parts can reread and we obtain somewhat the same path. It’s more a quirk.

I’m so happy that the both of you have already been introduced to the FlyLady. It sounds that both have picked up a few favorites as to her words of wisdom. That’s pretty cool … I think she says it takes 21 days to create a habit. So you are well on your way. I realize too that time factors – and even getting computer time plays a factor. We seem to have though focused on both your ideas on economizing your spaces … we’re just getting to the part Linda that Rich is the one bringing dishes to the kitchen counter and then leaving them there for me to put in dishwasher. Hmm.

Not so sure about that. I totally understand the problem of getting the dishes to the dishwasher finally, but then not emptying it so other dishes pile up. We’re really working hard to make the better patterns of emptying as soon as the dishes have cooled from drying … it seems to work so far, but we’re far from 21 days. Maybe we should count the days for our new habits and then have a 21 day birthday party! I know … obsessive.

I’ve got mixed feelings about your people Linda continuing to switch days around for stopping. They certainly have you all on a roller coaster. It seems money over time to be the contentious part. I’d like to add sanity, but then maybe that’s how your balancing having family over at least during any one given day you have a bevy of options to worry about ;) I also empathize with support from your loved one. I was wondering about that because he seems to spend so much time on the computer. I had many, many years of not leaving the computer because it seemed so safe. But, it feels so much more human in getting into the living space for some part of the time. It’s like taking ownership in it. I can’t complain about Rich not doing his share, because he’s over and beyond, with the exception of doing maintenance tasks with tools. We’re working on it – and working on us being more capable. I think the worst part is having fear of putting holes in drywall. Lordy … CS do you remember the incident of us angrily putting a croquet mallet through the wall – I think I was aiming for our brother’s head because of all his bad teasing. Maybe that’s when the drywall fears started. You all were so excited to tell our parents that not even the tooth paste we propped in the hole seemed to help *sigh* Thinking too that of the situation you explained with the black belt. Maybe we can consider this as like memory balloons and each one we recall, we can float it past us and then pop them sending them on to oblivion. There is some validation in that you remember things that I recalled too, but then hearing it from your perspective seems to help put things in balance. I think that’s a key today is balance.

As to relatives … it seems then that we all have our troubles. My current one’s you heard of yesterday in not getting enough face time in with the boys and their families. I think you both have MIL problems that are pretty scary. I’d have a terrible time working in the basement because my MIL was in MY room. I guess we’re just possessive. CS MIL going through the jewelry seems pretty damning too. I guess you all have to keep working on communication. Hehe the boys and us communicate really well when together … just don’t have much opportunity. I think as systems go we’re overwhelming them too like we do most people we meet. It’s hard to deal with other persons quirks though.

We’re much to intent on having control over ourselves – then too you have to focus on not controlling the other, but when their affect hounds your peace of mind … then that’s overstepping boundaries. I can see it too CS with Mark and Nathan. You have in mind a nice ordered basement and between the two of them and Dani … they’ve encroached on your space. Rich had an idea for that. He said he was going to get when living at his old house a couple of pallets … one for each kid. Then he would stack on each their stuff and then stretch wrap it. It seemed a fair option rather than having them take over completely.

It seems a fair thing as to cleaning with Mark giving you permission to hoist. It seems about right that he would have psychological trauma involved in going through all that. It would be obviously more Gestalt for him to rid himself of the past, but the trade-off is in time – he doesn’t have it and you want the job done sooner.

Maybe a compromise could be made where you agree to fill bags, and then he has to tie the bag and take it outside. Get him involved where it’s not so traumatic – seeing all the names on those papers. I’d think too that maybe what would help with those science books is to make a wall of inexpensive shelving for the textbooks. But, that is just me. I’m still terrified of throwing away books. They were a serious investment to my history. It’s different having a learned background versus saving “people’s things” in the paperwork. You’ll have to tell me next your thoughts on that though. Maybe books versus papers would be transitional.

If you were to get rid of the books maybe you can find like a missionary place that sends text books to Africa or something like that. Stranger things have happened. FlyLady prefers gifting to selling … it’s like ok, let’s not nickel and dime this … you got your value on them now bless someone in need.

Ann Ludford Garvey June 12 at 9:13am
Good morning part 2 - I’m really excited about the part of you all working on the sewing studio or studio closets. Other than decluttering it seems like the action of the day is to get better storage through shelving or some other organized medium. Of course that all balances with time and money something we are all a bit short of. CS I was soooo happy to hear your progress since last talking … I know that when you set your mind to something you don’t give up. Getting rid of those empty shoe boxes seems to be a good idea. We want to remind you to pick up some printing color cartridges too. Then you won’t feel bad about putting the kits up high in numbered brick format. I was thinking between our two spaces … I’ve got room for about 40 more kits … seriously … but I think there is value in you keeping what you paid for and once loved too. I’m thinking that we could make better use of the space under the bed if we got those quilt kits up on the closet shelf. There will be room with using my place as an overrun. I like your thoughts on shelving and extra sweater deal – that seems to make use of all square inches in an ordered way. Maybe it would help the sewing studio by getting the card scrapbooking all organized in the bed drawers. You could really set up something you liked by clearing up space on the shelves in that room. I appreciate your thoughts on having things out. I like that too, but even when I look at the pictures we took … there’s so much that your eyes get tired and overwhelmed. Look forward to your next thoughts on this.

Thinking you are like me CS in that our loves both work at night which is nice in that it gives us time to be independent, but on the other hand there is a loss of companionship. Have we mentioned balance? I was really disappointed with aspects of our walk last night with Rich. He was a knight in shining armor, but we only did about 11 minutes before we were ready to collapse in back pain … we’re going to need working on that. Rich is very patient and will help though. He’s gone from 295 to 260 so he’s really appreciating from the inside out what we’re going through in starting a healthy balance to food, exercise … and even with the order. He had suggested us doing the cleaning. I think we wrote this already, but I’m about the point psychologically to take it on. It’s still nice that he takes an armload of garbage down every time he leaves with a free hand, and when I get overwhelmed he can back me up – takes away some of my panic feelings in coping. I’m thinking about
when we did carpet shampooing before the furniture came in.

Linda you are going to feel like dancing!

That about leaves us with some last minute task thoughts - Wow!

Do you all realize how much thinking has gone on between the three of us? It's very productive! It’s just SOOO cool. CS I know we don’t have the space AND have been ordering things in the house for a bit so not up to the problem levels of you and Linda with the bigger spaces, but we’ve still got almost every closet and storage space in the house to go through. Also we have drawers. They seem to be a mess like Linda explains her closets with things ready to pop out. The project of working progressing the long arm give me a sense of hope … like maybe we CAN finish our projects.

I don’t think I can imagine Curly running, but we’ll take your word for it. I’m so proud of you missing a nap to get things done. I think that’s the way it’s supposed to be is that you work during the morning afternoon, and then rest to do sewing, reading, or luxury showers. I think in the back of all our minds we would all like to get to these goals. I really like when the day whistles – the losing a sense of plans is why we make outlines that can be adapted …

You probably didn’t know the FlyLady would become such a big part of your afternoon. But, it does get included with order so that the means of you putting things in order weren’t as planned, but complimentary. I’m not so sure I like the idea of cookie storage problems. We’re thinking this wouldn’t be something Rich would approve of. He’s sort of like our barometer. He’s being so good as to dieting and exercising. Today he’s going to do 4 – 1 ¼ hour girls’ softball games. Man-o-man do I give that guy credit - Rich says that standing gives him practice for all the standing he does while fishing – almost non-stop. Yeeks! I think it’s good to wear out those dogs too … obviously if they are barking all day they have too much energy. Maybe they need more walking to normalize themselves with their environment?

Ok, just one more thing … It seems Linda that maybe with your niece coming that could be a relaxing thought to encourage your housecleaning progress. Kids at that age are just so cool. It sounds like you are active in general – including all these weddings and graduation parties you and Tony going to. It’s really quite impressive thinking of people that can get out in the environment.

We’ll have to work our way up to that. First setting a goal to walking 30 minutes again – it will come … today 294.2 there is one more topic we saved for last and that was the thought of your mother’s boyfriend. Have you met him before? Is he of the same age and nature as your mom? And, can we ask what happened to your father? I don’t know how long since you last saw your Mom and how traumatic it might be having her bring this person. I know Jillian surprised her family with bringing in another “friend” just after leaving the last long standing one. Sort of like my sons jumping into relationships with others after their break-ups. This sort of thing has tendencies of shaking up the family. Jillian’s favorite aunt won’t let her bring to a party her new girlfriend, because the aunt is such good friends with the old girlfriend. Wow! That’s a lot of control … Hehehe should we be talking about control issues pretty soon? It’s hard letting go of the past for what’s new, but oh Lord how exciting! Maybe you’ll find something you can all enjoy together. For me and my step-father, I learned to accept him more through playing cards. Eh, you never know.

Ok, wrote a book, look forward to hearing from all you again. Good luck on the projects and parties of the day! We’ll be around … we’ll do some of our morning tasks and THEN FINALLY get some sewing time! Reward! REWARD!!

Our love Ann Marie

Ann Ludford Garvey June 12 at 10:20am
Oh my gosh ... just so gol darn proud of your ambition. Flylady says too that if your doing good during the week cleaning you get more time for weekends doing other things. Shopping seems to be something you are looking forward to. I think the step stool is a good idea. I really didn't know how to get the fabric bricks to the top shelve - just knew they belonged there off the floor. I can work on fixing more kits when I get there as one of the top priorities. Don't let Nathan steal the house!

Ann Ludford Garvey June 12 at 10:23am
My guess on this one ... although it's a very good idea ... is to let some of that go - the paper. Mark really needs a breath of clean fresh air there. You are right about going through grief and it being good that he is letting you help. No need to justify the need to clean ... most likely even Mark knows that, but just plain and simple needs your help. Like a lot of things in the both of your life - you all seem to work like a team. Nice! Ok ... going to leave a status update (which summarizes my time ... and then on to some morning routines then sewing ;)

Ann Ludford Garvey June 13 at 12:19pm
Good morning - or, more apt to be early afternoon. We have almost all the things done from the morning list including showered and dressed with shoes. We had a nice date night last night with Rich … we watched a movie together and whatever, but basically, someone got a really nice massage. When I asked him what he would like to do special with the night … it was the first thing on his list ;) He’s such a good guy and easy to please ... he says he has extra ... emotions ... because we're doing such a good job of taking care of the place and him! Sweet!

Yesterday was pretty ordered … we got everything done. Our zone cleaning for the day in the kitchen was to clean the fridge/freezer. I was amazed how easy it really was and it was kind of interesting to really focus on what was there and what wasn’t … CS … we have a LOT more empty space in our fridge than you. AND, that’s with a case of water filling half the bottom shelve. I’m not sure if this is good or bad.

I only got a couple more rows done of the flannel quilt. It’s coming together nicely, but it seems with all the arranging for cleaning, organizing and spending time with Rich – PLUS writing – Hehehe that I’ve limited myself to the sewing projects. There are some feelings of productivity because so much else is getting done, but then there’s that wishing to get back to the feeling of sewing. It seems like a longing. I liked that I used times like when Rich was in the kitchen cooking dinner to be doing some sewing. It made me feel good and in the meantime I could hear and watch in the background his being productive.

I really did volunteer to cook a meal for us. Something happens once or twice a year, but he said after I didn’t know which package looked like the steak that he appreciated it, but he would do the cooking. He’s much more a meat guy where I would prefer lighter meat and more veggies. I think that worries him. He was really not interested in my cold tuna salad … :( Hmm, maybe I could make some and then use it for a side dish to his dinner. That would be a good idea. Rich and us also spent some time with laundry yesterday … I think there were about four loads, because we’d been putting off the basket with extra towels and sheets.

*sigh* Gotta keep moving forward. That’s about it of the day. Oh one more thing … today is the last day in the kitchen zone, so we asked Rich what he’d like to see improved most for our 15 minute zone cleaning. He picked ordering the drawer and cabinet for pot holders, wash clothes, hand towels, and place mats. Ok, we can do that! Linda … Rich liked your new knitted pad under the Margarita pitcher so it didn’t sweat on the table. Nice!

You all sounded pretty productive too – shampooing, shopping, party-going, dishes out of the sink and IN the dishwasher, and decluttering - not to mention constructive go-forward ideas! I can appreciate CS your distaste for the look of the basement. This is where that 27 fling boogie would come in handy. You could consider each handful of paper thrown an item.

The thing is not to overwhelm. I thought it over yesterday Linda … and I was thinking that in a rough spot, I could consider 27 pieces of scrap transformed to quilting squares and rectangles part of my decluttering when not knowing what else to do. I don’t think when you are first starting … FlyLady expect anyone to do everything all at once.

But , when the time comes … I imagine that we could all look in a closet, email box, or shelf and/or drawer and find things to fling. I didn’t count the items, but I filled two plastic grocery bags with items not loved from the fridge. I counted that yesterday as my fling :) … The day or two before it was unloved socks. I think the deal is to focus on one unorganized spot or another – and not take out any more than can be fixed in 15 minutes. I do look forward to getting the containers for the boogie. I’ll use them whatever zone I’m in, but mostly thinking definitely of the bedroom closet! I figure if it’s a pain to dust around … then it’s up for consideration in tossing, giving away, or putting somewhere else. We’ll all work on this one … maybe come up with ideas between us. Maybe this is a good place to start …

http://flylady.com/pages/FLYingLessons_Declutter.asp

FlyLady has thought of everything … here she talks about decluttering ;)



FlyLady.net: How to Declutter
flylady.com
FlyLady shares her tips for decluttering the home.

Ann Ludford Garvey June 13 at 12:19pm
Looks like we’re back to the visitor’s part … I’m afraid you told us this was a MIL Linda and not a mother, but I continue to get confused. I’m sorry this is my problem in recall … enough times corrected though and we’re sure to get it right. I think sometimes with visitors coming it’s not the visitors as much as fearing with our perfectionistic habits that we are going to be “judged” good enough. I know it’s the same for me even when Rich’s best friend Bob stops over. I feel like I am looking at things through his eyes and usually we designate some negative thoughts such as … he’s going to notice the house (cat) smells, he will think something too disorganized, will think we’re over-burdened with stuff, he’s going to notice the dust etc. It’s not Bob it’s just he comes over more than any other. It’s the same every time we have people over.

FlyLady calls it chaos … it means “Can’t have anyone over syndrome,” but in reality it’s just so gosh darn limiting. Maybe after we all get more order … it will be easier? I don’t know we’ll have to keep working on it ;)

I will look forward over time Linda to see some of you underpinnings too. It doesn’t surprise that you might have had problems in the past, because we figure there just must be some similarities in that we all find ourselves all so alike each other in habits and hobbies. We’ve all come along different paths, but we’ve found ourselves at the same rock. Like to think that’s a sturdy marker of us as sisters :) It sounds like all of us then have had eating problems. I’m really impressed with the 60 pounds.

Because I’ve gained so much weight back it’s more than I’ve lost since the surgery. I figured out yesterday when I can walk 30 minutes outside, I’ll go back to the gym. I want to know I won’t pass out in less time than it takes to get there … and it’s only 5 miles away. I really like the idea of Jazzercise DVDs … the individuals we work with do those and other DVDS at least 15 minutes a day. They love ‘em. CS had started on the Wii I believe thinking about the same thing.

I’ll look forward to hearing of how the visit went Linda. Do you all like to talk when she's here, or is the time preoccupied with grandchildren? I had to laugh … when my older granddaughter has come over to eat … she always wants – per father’s suggestion to have the same thing – chicken tenders and French fries. Maybe it’s a cultural thing? I wasn’t aware that you were a smoker. Maybe I’d heard it at one point, but not remembered? You don’t smell like smoke nor do you get up and down frequently to do it. So I’m figuring you must be a light smoker? I think we’re coming up to the 4th year with not smoking. We used a hypnotist that might have been cheating, but since it seemed to work … It was a very worthy $90 investment.

Good Ann! Weights a hard thing, but I’m glad we’re back to it. It’s kind of funny, because just making the choice seems to have made it much easier. So maybe it was like most things … just a matter of making a commitment. I don’t remember now what CS said or maybe it was just thinking it’s a cop-out to talk about goal making without looking seriously of one of my own faults – in over-eating.

Only so many times you can say … I’ll do it soon. I like your idea Linda of setting positive outcomes. I did spend time this morning with another iPod application, but there is an online version too. It's called Calorie Count. There's clutter on the site, but I like when things integrate the computer, the iPod and Facebook. Works for me. It will help with my calorie counting and watch over exercise calories.

In the meantime … CS is there chugging away. I was happy to see the post that stated you’d gotten the stuff on your list. Step stool was a wise decision … hoping that it’s a safe and sturdy one. I can’t believe how difficult it is for me to get up on a chair to do something. We’re getting better though at moving the high chair to get to high things rather than avoid the subject.

I’ll have to get busy on organizing the second and third set of pictures to be printed off. Please make sure you don’t do pictures of the items not bundled. I’m talking of needing everything in collage form of number, identification labels and fabric swatches. I don’t want you to need printing 3-4 things more than you need. I really like the idea of seeing the whole individual collection in its different viewpoints. I think we’re going to need having talks though again on marshmallows, Milky Way’s and ice cream. I’m sure we could give visiting your place some allowances, but it probably isn’t a good diet to have so many sweets as staple. Hmm?

That’s pretty much it for this time around. As always enjoy what’s happening. I think we’re going to get past that kitchen cabinet that needs updating before we do too much else. I’m a little disappointed about the blogging. I’ve been so busy that doing it is like time taken away from other things, but I’ve known from the past when I can do it … I can log so much more in. I’m thinking now that for my personal blog, I’m going to use “my” notes as blog entries. There’s so much I write about that has to do with everything. It also means if I’m not writing on the sewing blog, I’m either being neglectful of writing or of working on quilting projects. Hmm, better give that some time to think through today too. Other than that … let’s see … check the outliner … looks like about it. I spent my hotspot time in putting away some dirty clothes and walking through the room to make sure all was in order. I just love it when everything has a place to go. Ok, it says … just lunch and those dishcloths :) See you all soon!

Ann Marie

posted by Ann Marie @ 6/13/2010 12:58:00 PM Comments: 0