ACK we've been remiss!
Thursday Morning
Good morning … I know this is our frustrated face. Had trouble this morning making the video do what I wanted it to do. The Vmeister recommended writing might be better for a while. *Sigh*.
Hmm didn’t get very far … needed to go back to bed … I’m up again now and it’s about 5 am. We are being frustrated with the camera this morning, maybe frustrated in general. Today is a Dr. M. day … Think that’s affecting our mind. Still too angry. Having a hard time getting stuff done and we’re eating badly again. Feel besides myself.
That didn’t help much wandered around for 45 minutes. Still cranky …
Much later now … about 8:40 am. Not sure what we did with all this time, but we called in sick. Know that part for sure. Called our friend to tell him we weren’t going. Better that way than for him to find out on his own. We’d forgotten to do the simple things. Take our medicine and get in the shower. So, we’ve done that part at least. Might not have, but we were almost out of smokes. We just got back. Got donuts too. Oh Lordy, now V. signs on. Hmm. We’re going to avoid that … He’ll want us to go to work like our friend. AND, I’M NOT GOING!
Ok, like now we’re like total renegading. I don’t know about Dr. M.’s appointment tonight. We better leave that decision alone for a while. I know I am supposed to go there. But, just so gosh darn mad. Donuts gone. Good. Damn. Oh who cares. Lousy attitude. Don’t swear, don’t swear! HMPF!
I know the best way I can salvage the day is to finish the darn paper. I’m mad though, because I should have forwarded from work last night the updated copy. I didn’t think I was going to stay home today. Hmm, looked it over … Maybe I’ll be ok, if I just type over the last 5 pages. I won’t be able to send it in formal “all together” until I go back to work, but it will at least allow me then to make the immediate changes I see right off the top. Need to move a couple of paragraphs around to help the flow.
I can only write about 5 more pages … that’s all there is to do. We got through as much of the analysis as we’re going to do and need to move on to the synthesis. That includes monoculturation and acculturation, communication/mental health concerns, treatment strategies, and affect on personal learning both with goals and future. That shouldn’t seem too hard, right? Shoot, gotta do something with the reference section too. We’re really not using too many and I know that we have to use at least 10. Maybe what we should do is count on using only four pages for the synthesis, then go back to see where we can add the notes. Should improve the paper … at least, it usually does.
Ok, ok we’re doing something here. Obviously this paper is running forefront in my brain … maybe neck and neck with the anger … but at least it’s in the running. Just a trick now in channeling the emotions. First thing first. Better get the last five pages typed out so we can be doing writing. Let me go over here and try that for a few minutes. This is where we sit …
First page is the brief outline remaining. Second page is this post. Third page is the total other papers for the course … we figure that we’re going to skim through the beast to pull out some references. Fourth page is the document we’re going to place the last five pages and the next five pages of the Paper as an on-line doc. Picture and buddy list of course, then the Paper Tiger. Oh oh … better watch the time. Our friend is due back for a call. I don’t think we’re going to answer the phone. This is the best we’ve felt so far all day … don’t want to mess that up with going to work thoughts. I wonder if we’d be too hyper with some more coffee. Like to have that to sip on while we’re writing. Hmm. Maybe, maybe … usually we don’t drink it after the first pot. Hmm. I guess we could take it slow. We’ll make a pot, but check out our emotions cup at a time. Ok, brb…
Ahh, thadda girl … there’s that smile! (Yikes!!! this face is kinda Kermit-y don't you think???)
Umm, did we leave any donut crumbs? Powdered sugar donuts. Ok, ok … that’s enough of that … we’ve been there and it is done. Maybe we could walk a little come this afternoon? Ok, too much too much … still have to get over the Dr. M. part.
The next morning …
We did go to see Dr. M. last night. This was us after we got home … we had problem because of self destructive thinking. We were very tired and put ourselves to sleep.
Some small improvement this morning in that we’re not as angry. Maybe more lost. Last night while we were with him, we cried the majority of the hour. There were moments when it would slow down. We felt dazed. There were also moments of time when Casey was out in between other parts. She didn’t like all the crying. She didn’t understand what was happening. I think she was very frustrated hearing money mentioned. Someone else added something like we didn’t have a relationship with money; we had a relationship with Dr. M.
We know some sense of trust is broken. A sense that he would always be there for us. Damn. Started to cry again … probably should stay away from this. Too much.
Ok, somewhere else … 3:30 am now … V’s not due up for another 45 minutes. Probably be crabby at him anyway. Sweetie pie signed on last night just long enough to make sure we’d gone to the appointment. There wasn’t a chance to talk with him … so of course we got mad. Didn’t need more frustration.
I don’t know why this paper is taking so long to write … I know there was a lot of editing yesterday … we focused on it for then entire day up until about 3:40 pm when we left for the 4:30 appointment. I don’t want to look at it yet. Ok, ok … I looked. Appears we just finished page 28. I can’t let it go beyond page 30. I’ve found 5 quotes that I could use in tying up the paper, and I’m bothered yet by not pulling together the last scenario (the one I’m in) with the rest of the paper. So, that is the chore of the next part.
Ok, we worked for a few minutes … then after a while V came on line … so we talked for a bit, but it seems that were being hit with these waves of emotions. We canceled another day of work. Sister wrote a nice note back. We had asked her to say an extra prayer for us. She reminded us we might want to say a prayer for ourselves. She, of course, was right. So we said a prayer.
Vince sent a gift …
As long as we’re talking to God … we might just throw in thanks for letting it be one of those days we AREN’T mad at V.
Ok, ok you … it’s time to toughen up. Damn, or maybe lighten up? Yes, I like that idea better. Oh oh … sweetie just signed on. I think he’s busy.
Aynetal3 (5:59:18 AM): Morning
Sweetie Pie (5:59:42 AM): good morning, was reading mail should I read yours first
Aynetal3 (5:59:49 AM): doesn't matter
Sweetie Pie (6:00:07 AM): you need some stuff copied when I get to the center
Aynetal3 (6:00:20 AM): a file emailed from word
Sweetie Pie (6:01:14 AM): no problem, I should be there by 2
Aynetal3 (6:01:18 AM): k
Aynetal3 (6:01:43 AM): let me know if you don't make it ... I don't want to ask *** to get on my computer, but I will if I have to
Sweetie Pie (6:01:56 AM): long weekend, I wish you would go in and get some air and clear your head
Aynetal3 (6:02:11 AM): i'll stand on balcony
Sweetie Pie (6:02:20 AM): ok,
Sweetie Pie (6:02:47 AM): I will be taking my daughter to my mothers this morning.
Aynetal3 (6:02:53 AM): k
Aynetal3 (6:03:06 AM): i'll talk to you later then
Sweetie Pie (6:03:13 AM): ok
Sweetie Pie (6:03:47 AM): I had planned to spend some time with you Saturday if it is ok
Aynetal3 (6:04:05 AM): i don't know ... we're pretty up and down with our emotions
Sweetie Pie (6:04:31 AM): I'll look for the up side then :-)
Aynetal3 (6:04:47 AM): we'll probably get mad at you then
Sweetie Pie (6:05:18 AM): if you do that I will have to recite the list of good things in your life.
Aynetal3 (6:05:33 AM): oh man you don't really like us do you
Sweetie Pie (6:05:58 AM): LOL, only reason I do it is cuz I like you. :-P
Aynetal3 (6:06:13 AM): too cranky to be liked
Sweetie Pie (6:06:37 AM): we've seen that seam of life
Aynetal3 (6:06:50 AM): been there done that?
Sweetie Pie (6:07:06 AM): yes, a fact to be considered when one is down
Aynetal3 (6:07:21 AM): I don't want any ()_+#)(*& lessons!
Sweetie Pie (6:07:37 AM): see you later
Aynetal3 (6:07:42 AM): yes dear
Sweetie Pie (6:07:44 AM): O:-)
Aynetal3 (6:08:13 AM): O:-)
Aynetal3 (6:08:29 AM): smooooooooooooooooooooooch
Sweetie Pie (6:08:34 AM): :-*
Aynetal3 (6:08:35 AM): :-*
Sweetie Pie (6:08:42 AM): O:-)
*Sigh* I suppose that’s what sweetie pies are for V. will probably say … “Good man that Sweetie Pie!” Man … Men Hmpf!!
Ahh … someone’s kitty cat is reminding her that it is spring. Maybe that’s what we need … more spring around the house. Ok … we’ll make it a goal sometime today to step outside onto the balcony. Of course there is no problem with right now … just we aren’t going to do it! Hmm. Still cranky.
Ok, we did it … for 45 seconds! It may be spring, but it’s cold out there! In Chi-town today the winds are supposed to be gusting up to 45 mph. D*** we’re talking about the weather! We’re just not going to go there!
There medicine is taken … ate some cereal … got the last cup of coffee. It didn’t work out so well yesterday drinking extra, because we forgot to go back in to pour it. Might try it again today. Next obvious step would be to take shower and get dressed. It’s almost 7 am. We’ll need to fight the thoughts, what does it matter? We’re not going anywhere, or going to be seen by anyone today anyway! That’s probably wrong thinking too. Pre-camera days we might have gotten by with it, but not so sure about now days. Hmm, I wonder if V. lounges in HIS PJs in the morning!?? Maybe we should take a poll? Anyone else have trouble getting out of the comfy stuff? Walking?? Oh man oh man! This is getting to be impossible! Yes, yes … I know SOMEBODY ate a whole box of donuts. So what!?? Hmm, that wasn’t being a good Ann. I think that’s where Casey was stuck last night … her thinking is that she’s been a “Bad Ann” so Dr. M. isn’t seeing us anymore. Ok, ok … going to do the walk thing. Then maybe shower and step over to the Fitness blog for a few moments. There that’s a plan. See, we’re doing it!
Ok, ok … this is the us that’s much more serious about doing the right thing and knows she’s good no matter box of donuts or WHATEVER! We took care of the all above and would like to try settling down a bit now ourselves.
Maybe it would help if we set up the desk again. We’ve been here; we know we can do it again, right? C’mon girls … little smile?
Oh Lordy … this is the last part of the last sentence. “though [the dominant culture] is structurally empowered” and deepens “the well of black disadvantage” (Street, 2004).
Hell, if I know where they were going with that! S’pose I’ll have to read up a bit further. What else do we need?
Whoops much much later that night …
We’ve been reminded by the Deb Fairy that we haven’t posted for a while. Sorry! Been working on it all along better get back on the stick!
LOVE YOU!
posted by Ann Marie @ 3/31/2006 08:28:00 PM
Comments: 2
