Finishing up the Work Week
Good morning. This is me … but it’s the afternoon. Rich just left though we shared lunch together. I’m not so sure what kind of lunch that was though because he’d only brought one small piece of pizza … Yeeks!
It’s not too much of a day for concentrating. We showed sister the quilt we’d worked on over the weekend. I gave her a sheet and she didn’t hand it back. I’m thinking that she liked it. She said something positive about having found this new thing in life to love. That’s for sure. I would like to still get better at the craft so I could better my skill level. I would like the confidence to be finishing quilts as quickly as we are starting them. Figuring we have several pots in the fire. Want to do Joe and Cari’s, Bob and Rich’s, start the Dancers in Park – my first actual quilt made from our own design. We also have to help CS get done with the St. Rose quilt to sister. That’s gotta be a priority too. I’m sure hoping that Emily is coming and bringing her sewing machine so we could work together again. It was a lot of fun.
We’re going to have to figure out the money part too. I should get a check before we go, but it’s going to be needed to cover the rent, car and insurance – plus we’ll need a little more for all that to go through. Should get Rich’s money though and that should help. I think officially the first is on Thursday. We will need gas money and I’d like to treat out for Saturday lunch.
I think we might have mentioned something in here about our time being spent this week, but I don’t know if it got posted. The post we were working on yesterday or maybe Saturday didn’t get posted. We got engaged with sewing projects instead. Saturday was the creative day we came up with the new design … here I’ll show you.
Pretty cool, hmm? Don’t seem to be getting tired of this set … that’s when I know it’s pretty good. I keep going over and over it again like a sore tooth … just this one gives pleasure adrenaline.
Hmm, maybe we better think of catching up. I guess it’s been since Wednesday that we last posted. I think one or more of us were complaining about my sister. That’s the hard part of being a multiple … we really don’t do a lot of controlling as to who is out. Today we’re back to parts that are having no problems or uncomfortable feelings. I think we’re going to have to come up with a fair resolution to the marshmallow situation, but it hurts my head even to think about it.
I’m recalling now while skimming down from the last AMW post that we’d been looking up stuff on psychiatric disorders. I know that we were doing it and come to a few conclusions, but nothing I’d like to try elaborating now. It’s nice that we’re not worrying too much. We feel cautious as to my sister, but for the time being she’s getting the benefit of the doubt. This is much easier when we stick to subjects such as the quilting. Today is another sprawl FB set of posts. She might be taking a nap now because they’ve slowed down. Or, maybe she’s working. I think it was a very positive experience for her working on the Center’s quilt. Maybe she’ll progress that so we can go further ahead into some other projects.
I don’t mean to rush them, but there’s a certain lull in projects from the first part where you are finishing the top to the next parts where the sashes and bindings are going on. It’s kind of like a dull aching pain in that there is nothing really as fun to look at. I think part of this is too that we don’t have a grasp on the quilting part where you are binding the top, middle and bottom part in place together. Then there is excitement when the back part gets done … followed by a dull part where you are waiting to hang it up … and then it goes up and that’s a big deal … and then after that there is just sneek.
Hmm, CS is talking about the quilt. I can see her worrying about the hanging aspects. She’s trying to think of ways to prevent the batting pulling away from the quilt. It is going to mean extra quilting. If she’d just do the big quilting sewing machine we’d be able to get past this major obstacle. I’m telling her that this weekend the three of us can be available between Emily, CS and me. If it can’t be fixed then … then HAVE SOMEONE over to LOOK AT IT. It’s been going without use for almost a year now.
Ok, now back to our peaceful self. I just took a quiz on what I was meant to do.
It said I was a visionary WooHOO!! Just gotta get past the deal where I’m expected to work. There must be a way like that out there somewhere, right?
I’d like to work don’t get me wrong, but I’d like to be doing something like the quilting or writing that I really enjoy doing. Maybe Amazon has a book on how to quilt and make a million?
Ok, they had like Millions of ideas on quilt making, but not necessary how to earn your fame and fortune. It would seem the most likely thing to do would be to sell a book on quilt-making, but I really don’t have that kind of knowledge. It seems there are too many books on quilting anyway. I’m still lost to the idea of how to make a jillion off of my blogs. Seems it comes up periodically, and then sometimes more quickly than others … disintegrates into a pile of fluffy ashes. Yup yup … these are the kind of ideas you get from lighting scented Cinnamon Candy Candles when the big sisters come.
Hmm, it seems like we don’t have much written, we keep coming in and out of the space. The big sisters notation is that Sr. Theresa’s Italian higher-ups are going to be visiting the center tomorrow. I won’t be here though. I was going to take off Wednesday, and then Thursday and Friday we have holiday, and so the most perfectly thought out idea … was to take off tomorrow too! WooHooo! I’m going to then have 6 days off for the cost of 2 days vacation, plus we have like 8 more days left through June. Should be good. I might want to save a few more for Rich’s fishing if he asks me. That’s always a nice trip.
As to the plans … just in case we HAVEN’T covered this yet … We have off Tuesday and we’ll stay home, sew, write, clean and pack. Wednesday by 6 am we’re leaving with Rich to go fishing … should be a 4-5 hour drive. Then we’ll stay overnight and come back late Thursday. And then on Friday, I am going to be driving by myself back up to WI, but this time just 2 ½ hours to see CS. We have things to be doing and hopefully our friend Emily will come over after she and CS are done with class.
Then I have to come home by 3 pm, because we’ll be eating dinner over at Joe’s and Cari’s. This is a first so it’s pretty much a big deal. Then we’ll have Sunday morning to relax a little and catch up with Rich and then he and I will go to his mother’s for dinner and maybe Bob and Marcia will join us. That’s left to see yet.
But, in general that is the plans. Usually I like sitting at home more, but I guess this new change in my behaviors has something to do with coming out of my shell.
As to the sewing projects … Rich suggested so I started seriously Joe and Cari’s quilt on Saturday. I did all the cuts and then sometime over the next 24 hours we managed to sew the 9 rows x 7 columns. We then pinned the rows together, but we didn’t get any further than that. Hopefully we can finish that part in the next 24 hours. It’s coming along really well … just that I get so excited about it combined with fear that I’m going to wreck it … we have to put a little space within it.
Keep looking over my office to make sure everything is in order. It seems good. If sister were to get rid of me one day, I’d need at least 3 days to clear my stuff!
Whoops outa here!
Oh yeah ... and by the way.
Good morning. This is me. I expect to be interrupted in a few moments. We should be getting in another volunteer group from DARST. They are either high school or college kids coming in to spend time with our people. It’s just 10 am now and that’s when they are due. It seems that Rosa is out for now so I might not get the pamphlets that I should have asked for yesterday. Me and Rosa seem to be on Rocky ground of late. I think she really didn’t want to translate that last communication we gave her. It was long. And, then she gave us a hassle in putting client Spring Fling pictures on the wall. *sigh*
Sometimes you just can’t win. I noticed when I went up front to check on things that Rich is in. That’s nice. He’s talking to Sr. Theresa. I think we had a pretty good time yesterday … a little tame. It was ok I guess I was massaging his back, shoulders and feet, but then I discovered his forehead where his hat rests and his hands smelled like fish. We weren’t really in favor of that smell. We had known he’d been out with Bob most of the day … that part was ok, and I was happy they came in about the time I was getting home. We reminded Rich that in the past when he’d come over after fishing he’d take a quick shower. Now he seems to be more homeward, but thinking he can get by with that. Uh-uh … If he wants to touch me he’s going to need taking away his fish scents. I like fish … just don’t appreciate their smell. At least NOT in bed!
That pretty much ties up last night.
AHA! Our group is here now. We’ve just given them the introduction, tour, and then split them up to be spending time in each of the rooms. We’ve done our good deed. Now the rest of the hour is pretty much them being independent of me. We will get together about 11:25 so the groups have some time to be eating before the volunteers join them again. It also gives us a chance to talk about their experience. I would like to talk to Mindy a little the woman in charge. I would like to ask her what we could do to make the presentation of St. Rose better for her groups. They are coming in regularly 3-4 times a month it seems. The clients really like having them here and they are always real excited when Gasper chooses someone to stay behind in that room.
Ok, then it’s what is what next. I think where we left off yesterday is that we had spent the remaining time that we weren’t writing by working on diagnosis. I read a pretty incredible number of articles. Eventually I found my way over to Wikipedia and I processed a lot of information through them.
Whoops that's MISSY and Chief (Mischief) :)
3 hours ago •
Julie Schaefer
They are adorable!!! I know what you mean when you say "the joy" they've given you over the years. I love mine immensely and can't imagine my life without them.
3 hours ago •
Ann Ludford Garvey
True ... though there might be more room on the couch!
3 hours ago •
Julie Schaefer
AND in my bed....I have three kitties and they ALL like to sleep with me at night....one advantage to being single - it gives me a tad bit more room than I would normally get - LOL
3 hours ago •
Ann Ludford Garvey
Do they let you be the "alpha" cat?
3 hours ago •
Julie Schaefer
are you kidding - they so OWN me!!! lol
3 hours ago •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
I think Chief and Missy are just allowing you to live there so someone brings them food. They are the most beautiful cats. They love to sit on my sister and stare at me. Eventually I hope they at least allow me to pet them!
about an hour ago •
Ann Ludford Garvey
Cats enjoy having company ... just in small doses.
15 minutes ago •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
I think Missy was almost starting to like me. I need to figure out if they can be bribed with cat treats. You have two very nice kitties.
10 minutes ago •
Ann Ludford Garvey
No marshmallows though..
Ann Ludford Garvey
Morning ... feeling a little sleepy at work ... *sigh* It's supposed to be a really good day to use all my energy ... wondering if I will find it at the bottom of my coffee cup? I did quite a bit of reading yesterday in an investigative manner. Maybe today we'll spend some time analyzing all that. Small group of volunteers to be in today and yesterday Rich caught an itty-bitty fish ;)
4 hours ago
Terri Eickhoff
itty bitty, now that is just "Cute"...Go Richie! The guys have been getting skunked down here these past few days....
4 hours ago •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
Wake up! I really enjoyed spending time with you this weekend. Last night as Curly tried telling me Mark had left some food on the counter about 2am, I had to laugh about how right you were. If the dogs slept through the night, I would get much more rest. I am also thinking about your favorite place to stop on the way to work. Oh, and I am ... thinking I need to find a good Slurpee source! Now that I have finally gotten caught up on things around here I can start on the quilt and my homework for class. I am trying to pretend the taxes will just get done on its own. Hope your day picks up!
56 minutes ago •
Ann Ludford Garvey
Well now that you've told everyone all my tricks how will I be able to surprise the next guest?
16 minutes ago •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
Oh I think you have lots of surprises left! I didn't tell were you go, just that you have a few favorites!
14 minutes ago •
Ann Ludford Garvey
They say loose lips sink ships hmm?
12 minutes ago •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
Ok. I really had a good time. How are others supposed to know how enjoyable a visit it is if I am watching if I am sinking some big ole boats!
7 minutes ago •
Ann Ludford Garvey
Hire an adviser? We've got plenty :)
5 minutes ago
Hmm, she’s probably feeling pretty threatened now … better try and fix this …
Dear Connie Sue,
I’m sorry to be holding you so tight on the FB I'm breathing now – I’m becoming aware in the process of checking my behavior, but there is a lot of psychological stuff going on. I takes us a while to analyze our behavior and then to analyze not you, but how your behaviors affect us. We seem to be getting caught up in that … Rich told us we were very abrupt, direct, or forthright with you and I’m thinking that is happening again. We respond to most through sometimes more than others a defensive system. Usually that means we are feeling aggression against us and or feel as if we are being attacked – as to our sensibilities.
We knew that the amount and variety of talking was hard on the system when you were here. It feels sometimes passive-aggressive. I don’t mean to change you; we can only work on our own behavior. So we’ve been processing a certain level of frustration that will be helped when we can see Dr. Marvin again. This area needs more exploration with someone the system considers safe. By saying this I don’t mean to say your and our relationship is being held at risk. It's not ... it's just a process of knowing who each other are.
And now, I’m just saying that after a long visit I need help straightening out my pieces and parts. For example some feel threatened with all the conversation that wasn’t necessary as if our quiet time could be run over with a Mack truck. Umm, we’re being a little extreme here because we are having a lot of strong emotions. Strong emotions aren't bad and we don't always have to have child parts out to handle them. Doesn’t mean you or us are bad people. Just that our relationship is fraught with difficulty do to our past and present realities.
For example, it was also hard when you were being critical of our hosting. I know that you believe you were very complimentary, but what we are picking up is that it’s a sort of double talk where you are going almost out of your way to say nice things like today 3 days after the fact. It feels like a peppering of criticism with positive words that are supposed to mask the negative stuff. It's ok to have negative feelings about your experience. Shoot I had some!
I believe both of us have a lot of aggressiveness especially when one or both of us are tired. The days were tiring. We learned aggression growing up in our house to make sound like you aren’t angry, because it wasn’t allowed that we could be angry or have many feelings that weren’t being directly controlled by parents. We weren't' given healthy coping mechanisms. For example … it’s ok that Dad stands on a share and throws his dinner of spaghetti on the floor, but it is not ok that you or I do that. And, Damn ... you better pick up that mess too! As to the weekend – we are way past that and need to move on… We’re up to yesterday and today. As soon as you wish we can discuss this or move on.
To help you understand what we hear when you were “complimenting” us yesterday that is still having an effect on me wasn’t anything you were saying directly to me, but indirectly by telling my FB world what is on your mind. We are feeling guarded by our interpretation of the sentiments such as Ann Marie doesn’t entertain much, Ann Marie doesn’t share at all. Ann Marie is spoiled, Ann Marie isn’t wealthy enough to have two bathrooms, I (Connie Sue) wasn’t given privacy. Ann Marie’s TV had only 5 channels, Ann Marie probably won’t have a TV for me the next time I come, Ann Marie didn’t “share” her significant other, Ann Marie’s and her psychiatrist are wrong and marshmallows aren’t really a control object, it’s ok for Connie Sue to tell “the world” judgmentally about Ann Marie’s house because I’m now an Ann Marie expert. Ann Marie didn’t put enough drinks in the fridge because they were all gone and weren’t replaced, I hope I’m not expected to pay for anything, and it’s ok for me (Connie Sue) to rate the hospitality of Ann Marie’s house on a star system in front of her friends and family. She doesn't have to ask me to do this. I think it is best for her. Then Connie Sue said … she was not spoiled cuz God in heaven knows that.
Everything said negatively is complimented with something positive, but I call it double speak, because the message going out is that all these things you are going on about are somehow important to you, important to relate to me, or important to relate to my world. I don’t believe you are trying to conscientiously do anything that should frustrate me or hurt the relationship, but things are happening at a psychological level with both of us. If I can only say things that sound “flowery” then I’m not being truthful to you. I don’t want to change you, but I am going to tell you how we perceive things in trying to understand our experience with you and what we as a “multiple” system are now dealing with. It’s ok to say Holy shit … I was just trying to be nice! I’ll take that. And, no it’s is hermetically impossible for me to stop being analytical. It’s the crux of our being.
Let’s use this to move forward. Tell me if anything what you think or feel toward what I’m writing to you now or say anything directly to me about the weekend … or pass and we’ll both wait for our next or next occurrence to further our relationship. I won’t however go backward. I’m going to be figuring out this stuff with or without you no matter how or which way you rate sanity.
I’m not sure why now today three days later you decided to talk again about your visit - maybe you are just getting up to it … I think you are going out of your way to say positive things to appease my savage beast and you most likely feel you are treading on egg shells. I also think you may not believe it, but from my perspective there are a lot of control issues on the floor – as well as manipulations. Like if I say pretty things then she’ll have to like me, but to me I am feeling manipulated by these things (I can feel manipulated, or maybe me in pushing these kinds of conversations are making you feel manipulated). Again there are problems in my many levels of consciousness with what I’m calling the double talk.
Today the words came out as my cats only allow me in their presence because I feed them. My cats stared at you. My cats wouldn’t let you pet them. And, your sorta pissed off because you wanted my cats to like you. You want me to like you too. You figured they could be bribed. If they like Ann Marie because she feeds them maybe if I feed them they will like me too. Both of us have food issues. A part of my experience is that food was used to manipulate my behaviors. How can you dislike a grandma as she’s feeding you cups of marshmallows? I think I should tell everyone that Ann Marie doesn’t really have a private life and she took me to her favorite place on the way to work. We had slurpees one of her favorite things. It’s now 4 hours after Ann Marie stated she felt sleepy, but I wish she’d have a better day now … and get off my back. I was just telling all her friends after using 3 days to get over my Ann’s life cultural shock that I approve the visit. I’d rather be on her good side than on her bad side.
Eh … it’s a thought.
What did we do again today?
Good morning. This is me. We’re kinda coming from a bad moment. We were just doing our regular facebook things and we came up on something for the family, and then we noticed that Thom narrowed his page to only 15 friends. And, then when we were there we noticed Joe’s FB. I think we knew this before but we weren’t allowed any information about them. Their profile page was closed to us. It’s been like this for a while, but today I took offense. So, I closed down my profile to them also.
Hmm, now while I’m at it … I closed my brother from the list too. I guess I’m in a bit of a mood. Maybe there was extra frustration because while I was at Thom’s site I saw that Laura was there too … this is the mother of my grandson. I was able to see pictures of him. I thought for a moment of contacting her, but I thought better of it. If she knew I was paying attention, she could close me off from seeing pictures. I paused a long time looking at pictures of Austin. He’s the grandchild I haven’t seen for about 8 years. It might as well be from my other son too because I haven’t seen my granddaughters since Christmas.
I’m actually feeling pretty ornery right now. I don’t know how this happened it just came over me. I figured if these people don’t want to related to me, why would I want to relate to them. The next step would be to cut Maury off from seeing me too, but he hasn’t done that to me, so I won’t do it to him. This is pretty bad mom logic. I just get so mad at them. It’s been a long standing thing to have such little contact or relationship with them.
I don’t understand why we can’t talk if not daily at least weekly or monthly. I figure I have about 550 friends on Facebook who can all see my pictures and share part of my life … and the people I care about most don’t care to share their lives with me. So man … why should that make me angry.
I have those paranoid feelings that they are reading my stuff and having advantage to whatever degree they care about that stuff, but then they don’t feel pressed to share their life. This is coming off as pretty invasive. This is what Rich means when he says we get cranky. Last night my crankiness came up and I was asking him what we said that indicated that we were spoiled, because he confirmed with CS that we were spoiled rotten and then we asked and asked and he couldn’t give us an example. After a while he said that part of it was that we were pretty frank with our thoughts and opinions. So if we thought of something we would put it out there. He said that happened with my sister and it happened with him just the day before.
Basically, we were out to breakfast with Rich, Bob, my sister and me. My sister had started about her fourth sentence and again and again … Rich just talked right over her and cut her off … so I called him on it. I said Rich, I don’t think you realize this, but you continue to cut CS off as she’s trying to say something. In that particular instance I felt that I was being protective of her and responsible for my partner. He described it last night in the car as embarrassing. But, then that’s what I had felt like with that behavior. I didn’t want to have CS thinking her thoughts weren’t important.
But, then later when she was talking and talking … most often if we can’t deal with it we just continue with what we’re doing without saying too much. At one point she stopped and apologized for babbling too much. We said, “You are right in that you talk and talk and talk.” So, I guess it was pretty abrupt, but it did not stop her from doing it. I even told her that between Rich and me we got involved in our things and didn’t talk so much unless there was something specific to say.
We were pretty frustrated at times with her being down, though we were trying to do the right things. We did a lot of good stuff. I picked her up in WI, shared my iPod during the trip, drove into the city, drove down Lake Shore Drive for her, found a place at the beach – a dog park, we got her slushies for that, and then while waiting for Dr. Marvin we got her a muffin, and then we stopped by and got our favorite Chinese place, and then she waited in the waiting room while I had my appointment. I dropped her off so she wouldn’t have to stay in the car or do the long walk. Then I gave her the best of my hospitality, which included the next day letting her be in my work environment, and then I shared the Spring Fling with her, I shared Rich and Bob and Marcia with her and took her out to many meals and then drove her back to WI … all in four days. But, this is what she wrote in the FB thingie…
Ann Ludford Garvey Morning. It's like back to reality today ... such as the big Spring Fling event is over and we're going to need calming everyone down today. One last thank you for CS coming down and we're sorry for the cranky times. I'm afraid we still have regression times and not always feeling cooperative. What? No, I DIDN'T EAT all the MARSHMALLOWS! Life's a challenge, but that's like the texture of our existence :)
Joel Pruitt and Vickie Fleck like this.
Cynthia Durham Randolph
That last line is perfect.
Joel Pruitt
marshmellow queen
Ann Ludford Garvey
Hehe ya-ya ... I'm afraid its an old response from childhood where we were rewarded marshmallows at my grandmother's house for good behavior. Unfortunately its a bit of a control issue now.
Joel Pruitt
ill keep the marshmellows available for your other to control
Ann Ludford Garvey
Yeeks that Might just be the problem!
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
I enjoyed coming to Chicago! The marshmellows are not a problem. I know you didn't eat all of them. You did share some. I don't believe that the cats ate half of the bag though. Do cats like marshmellows? I think I saw a part of the regression not from just sharing marshmellows but fishyman. I am very comforted seeing your home and work. It ... makes talking about what is going on in your life much easier! Fridays are hectic! The room was very comfortable. You can check my mini-fridge, I shouldn't be charged too much for drinking all the beverages. Hopefully next time the wonderful huge tv gets more then five channels. (hopefully the wonderfully huge tv stays!). I would give accomidations 4.5 stars. I had to share the bathroom so you loose half a star.
Ann Ludford Garvey
Yeeks! A harsh critic ... wouldn't you think getting your own toilet paper would account for SOMEthing!
Ann Ludford Garvey
We didn't share fishyman fairly?
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
Oh no, you shared him very fairly...I just think someone is not used to having overnight guests and sharing at all! No names but someone is a little spoiled.
Ann Ludford Garvey
Yikes!
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
Didn't say anything is wrong with being spoiled. Heaven only knows I'm not! :)
I know that CS is trying to wrap her criticisms in flowery double-talk language, but it is pretty apparent what had bugged her and here she was leaving it on my FB page. I stopped writing after her last comments. I sent a copy to Rich and Dr. Marvin and figured we’d continue from there. I asked yesterday while we were driving and talking on the way to Rich’s mom’s if he’d read it. He said he only read a part of it, that made us frustrated so we stopped talking about it for a while. Basically, our opinion is that if we send you something we mean for you to read it.
Later we talked about the parts that are more forthright. Maybe this is confusing, because we see CS being doublespeak forthright as well? It’s just such a loaded comment that is very judgmental to say someone doesn’t entertain much, doesn’t share at all and is spoiled, plus pointing out our lack of second bathroom. That our TV had only 5 channels, that it won’t be there for long, we didn’t share Rich, marshmallows aren’t a control problem, knowing she’s going to talk about my home and work now as if she “knows it” and that I didn’t put enough drinks in the fridge because she finished them, or that I was being rated for hospitality on a star system that would be shared with my friends. Then she concluded that heaven knows she’s not spoiled.
It sure was a lot of opinion to have on someone. I don’t know what to do with it.
I’m feeling a lot of guilt, but I don’t think this is from something I did or did not do, but that I didn’t meet up with her expectations. This probably should go to Dr. Marvin too because it’s been a couple of days since she’s left and we’re still having trouble with the trip, and the frustration and uncertainty might be bleeding into other things.
Should probably get off this then directly. We’ve been spending a bit of time at FB. In a sense I think we look for people to encourage or communicate to. I’m sure this is a part of our past too. Just makes me feel good to make people smile. When they say something if it’s a comment out to others I’m apt to listen.
Hmm, sister has just made an announcement that 3 staff have not paid for their raffle tickets and one staff did not pay for their dinner. I might be one of those staff who didn’t pay for the raffle tickets. I think my tickets were used by Rich, but maybe they are still in the file cabinet at home. Not sure. I will have to deal with that later. It will need checking especially if she needs to know that I didn’t use them. I know that Rich completed 100 tickets part for me and part for him. I’m thinking he might be another staff member who didn’t pay.
I’m not in the mood after having had made a public announcement to go running up and claiming guilt or innocence. It’s another one of those things that should have been handled personally, if she knew which one’s were guilty. She said some staff haven’t even paid and she’s trying to wrap things up. Tough! That’s about all I can muster this morning. Grrrrr!
Shoot reached out for something to be frustrating eating. Basically its 45 minutes early and we’re eating our lunch. Sheesh … we gotta think these things through.
I’m thinking now that Dr. Marvin said something about CS thinking that what is ours is hers. I wonder what she meant by not sharing? I thought we’d given her a lot of stuff. We never interrupted her from talking or being with Rich and we even included her seeing our friends and co-workers. We did introduce Dr. Marvin to her, but now I’m wondering if that wasn’t part of her conclusion that we didn’t share. That was about the only thing we did conscientiously not share. It felt too private.
What about all the time I shared? We gave her 100% of us … we were always available until we fell asleep at nights. AND, we were up before her with coffee made. I even shared my donuts with her!
Ok, ok … we talked to Dr. Marvin about this … our better ability now than in the past to carry him around when we need him. What would he tell us now? Maybe just this to write it down and that we’d discuss it on Thursday. Can we trust him and the situation and ourselves enough to put it down and then put it away for a couple of days? I get really frustrated too because then she said all this flower stuff over at her site with the pictures.
Here’s what she wrote from that group.
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
I like this picture, you sure can't tell I was sewing in my pj's..oh now I guess everyone will know. This was a exciting moment because up till now, neither Ann Marie or I had seen what the quilt looked like sewn together.
Yesterday at 12:48pm •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
Yes, the makers state they have to be set for four minutes, in a sweeping motion, not burning it in! Crayola Fabric markers run 4.99 for a pakage of ten primary colors. (Hobby lobby). I have used them before when teaching at Mark's school.
Yesterday at 12:50pm •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
I love the smiley face, brings back memories for sure!
Yesterday at 12:58pm •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
I really wasn't grawling at anyone, I was caught mid-smile. Do over?
Yesterday at 1:00pm •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
Behind us were items for the silent auction. I was trying to sell the quilts we had donated. You can only try!
Yesterday at 1:06pm •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
I was trying to break a few $20.00's for the craft table. The only way she would give me change is if I bought a ticket first. Some how $5.00 seemed to be a expensive way to break a 20.00. It was for the center she told me.
Yesterday at 1:10pm •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
Each the bags on the table were donated for the center. You could buy a chance ticket and put it in bag intended for each basket. There were around 40 baskets to choose from! Parents were encouraged to each put a basket together, I really wanted a few with bath towels and lotion. I donated some $$$ but was saved the problem of trying to pack one to come home with. (another donation to a good cause I was told...I didn't win anything all day!) I had such a good day and really didn't need to win anything to make it any better. The 250, 500 and $1000.00 would have come in handy but would only haved cluttered my wallet. hmmm :(
Yesterday at 1:16pm •
Connie Sue Ludford Tscharner
They were selling 25 cent chances if you guessed the correct number of candy pieces in the jar. This gentlman was at our table. I was soooo hoping my numbers were unrealistic because I would have broken the heart of the young person who did win this.
Yesterday at 1:19pm •
Do you see what I am saying about the double-talk … like the last example she hoped to win, but then hoped to lose “for the young person to win”, or the one before she had really wanted to win the items and had put out good money, but she was saved from packing and that she had to be told it was for a good cause even though she didn’t get anything all day. Then she said she had such a good day and didn’t have to win anything, but then why did she bring it up? Then she brings up the big money prizes saying they’d come in handy, but would clutter her wallet. The little positive spins I believe are means she uses to control all her real frustrations, anger or disappointments. I don’t think she really is dealing with the negative at all in that she still has those irritating things happening to her … and then it’s if to say I’m such a grand and noble and giving person. In the process she sends out her complaints as mixed messages. See I’m not a bad person!
I didn’t like it that she couldn’t let the quilts go and that she was up there by the quilts unknown to me but trying to “sell-them” Or, that the comment on her growling in the picture was just after I’d made a comment on being proud to stand next to my sister. And, nobody had to know of her in pjs nor if they did would it matter. She was covered from the chin down. But, there’s this ongoing thing that she thinks she’s the center of everyone’s attention. She didn’t really mention too much about the whole thing going on from perspectives of others like in seeing so many happy people who were having a really good time. It’s aggravating when she says something like being in her pjs, but then uses my name to “normalize” the thought … it’s like when my brother spoke at Sandy’s funeral saying he and his sisters thought. Bullshit! His thought, had nothing to do with any real communication between us. There’s some inclination to thwart others thoughts as supporting yours which isn’t fair.
I don’t know … still feeling pretty frustrated. I gotta know that these things are probably grounded I some kind of reality. I feel the need to point them out … as if to say – see see don’t you see how I’m getting hurt, or angry or frustrated? In victim mode … why is this happening to me. I’m sure this kind of thinking has something to do with having a narcissistic mother … it’s all about being self-centered. I’m not sure if in truth I’m much different … it was like the talk that we had with Bob the other night when we went out to the pub. Yes, people give, but sometimes they give with their own self looking for something … well then isn’t that to be just the case? There have been era’s where in a good Christian atmosphere, you would do for others and ignore the self, and then more psychologically speaking we are taught to take care of ourselves first. This whole thing is confusing to me right now. I get into these gray areas and I see myself through CS … my God am I doing these same kinds of things? Am I being as plastic a person?
It makes me sick to my stomach to think I might only care for myself. Shoot even when I give massages to my fishy-friend it’s me that am feeling good. I can’t give them if I’m uncomfortable or crabby. But, when I’m feeling better than I am REALLY then feeling good … and sometimes it seems to be a side effect that Fishyman happens to like them.
Hmm, maybe that is a direction … maybe I should look up a little on borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder … between the two of them I think that it pretty much is going to describe my family. Ok, maybe just dip the toe a little in the water.
Ok, maybe continue this later we lost a whole day - mostly to Wikepedia on personality and other disorders *sigh*
Just a bit of catch-up from last weekend
From your album:
"Patriot Place on the Golf Course :)"
This is our new dream house ... we seem to be going through them, but most have some common themes like open interiors, vaulted ceilings, and bedrooms on the main floor. It is 45 minutes East to work and 45 minutes west to Rich’s moms. This one is on the Bolingbrook Golf Club called the Patriot Place. We share the common building between 3 homeowners, but we don't have to shovel snow or mow and trim the lawn ... nice!
When I first started looking at this house, I had intended for Rich’s parents to live with us. Then Rich decided he didn’t need the finished basement when he saw how big it was, but the Rich surprised us last night by talking about elderly community type place to live, and by that we later learned he’s thinking of the possibility of doing the house with Bob and Doug. The house without basement is 2100 square feet and the basement is an additional 1260 square feet. So this morning we are looking at things with fresh eyes. I think that the biggest two problems are that my money is being spent on debt, Rich’s is tied up in alimony, With the others’ backgrounds plus Doug is about to go major bankrupt – there might not be a more unlikely crew to get a house … the next thing then would be to put a big amount down AND more than likely purchase through a corporation. Where we’d as a total have to come up with like $3200 a month, which would be $800 a piece. As to my expenses - we are putting in each month about $600. I’m looking here at the cost of mortgage being around $2600, cable $200, electricity and heat $400. Maybe Doug would pay like $600 and Rich and Bob would pick up an extra $100. Just so it was a little more fair and reasonable for Doug. He could be like a renter. Shoot there is $210 in association dues too
If we had to save longer to each come up with more of a down payment, then maybe the mortgage would be lower. I’m thinking we would need $340-350 into it to get all the extras done including the bathroom down stairs, plus the crawl space to be finished for extra storage or for a room for the fishing stuff. Ideally, the fishing stuff would all go out in the garage, but that’s the other biggest sticking point. There is only a 2 car garage, plus room for 2 vehicles and they couldn’t be left outside with advertising on them. Bob is the one that really needs a garage for his guys … I think he keeps his work supplies in it, so if Bob got the garage that would take away two spots for the cars and that’s if the fishy stuff went down to the extra storage space in the basement. Obviously then the problem would be is that we have 4 cars between the group of us. That could be a deal breaker. If we could rent out a garage or parking next to us … that be great, but it is not something one can plan for. The other idea would be to park them in the association place, but I think eventually that space will be taken up with homes. I think you can park in the street, but I don’t think you can park there every night.
This is the floor plan for the main floor. The way Rich and us talked about it we’d each get our own spots, plus there would be community space for everyone. Basically, Rich and I would share the master room – 2 for 1, Doug would get the lower level bedroom, and then Bob would get the room with the tent and playground in it now. It would be about twice as big as Doug’s place. And, then down in the lower level where the movie viewing is now – then we could use Bob’s living room to set up an entertainment center. Already down there is an option for surround sound and it has the biggest empty wall that could be good for his very large entertainment and collection center. I don’t know if Doug would be coming into the deal with much more than a bed or two and maybe a work table or desk.
I think we’re thinking Doug gets a smaller room 13x14” – though plenty big for an extra bed and work area, because we figure he likely will put the least in it because of his business which isn’t doing well nor has been for a long time. This following bedroom is bedroom #4. The part to the NW saying finished basement would be Bob’s room. Just have to build a wall. And then the big room in the middle is the second family room. That part’s finished too. Over on the unfinished side to the mid-east is where you would put a very nice bathroom – which is an option with this house. And then in the space that says “crawl” to the SW corner can be made into a regular part of the basement and is a very big space for what would most likely become the workshop/fishing place. Problem is I believe that there’d only be one exit out of the basement. I don’t think there was an option to put in a walk-out basement which would have been perfect. The space to the SE is not open – it’s under the garage.
This would be Doug’s room. This is the next big thing. The reason this is all being considered as it is … is because apparently Doug’s wife just announced that she will be moving to her DIL’s down in Florida or Arizona or something and she’s invited her husband to come with her, but it is not a requirement. That is leaving Doug with potentially not many options as to his house … he’s actually got two of them, but they are both mortgaged up to the hilt and would most likely be lost in the bankruptcy. I don’t think they will get a divorce, but they might be living separate because Doug says he will not move down there.
I’m thinking that he’s going to try continuing his business, but he’s going to need scaling back. Because of the bankruptcy and probable sale or foreclosure of the homes, he’s most likely is not going to be able to be on a title. Because of his business being as bad as it is … the last thing we would all like to do is lose the place we’re all in to his debts. Best to keep him paying as much as he can to the corporation and then seeing how it goes from there. I know that he is counting on an inheritance from his parents, but there’s no telling when and if he will get that ever and how much of that would go to his failing business debts. We just know the part where the parents haven’t been giving him any money as it is.
I don’t know if Bob and Doug would mind being in the lower level which for all practical purposes is just a finished basement. It’s got 9 foot ceilings and is very large and open so that part has some credit toward it. Bob would need the bigger place because he’s more a substantial contributor to the plan and because at least 4 days a week he has Marcia staying over. Marcia would not be paying into the place, so that part might need to be discussed. Or, possibly Bob would need to compensate somehow. I wouldn’t want to come between them having as much access as possible, but the reality is that nearly 60% of the time … for all practical purposes Marcia is living in the place and that’s a little extra drain on the system. Or, it could be a plus if everyone were happy.
This would be Bob’s space, but it is even bigger then this … you are only seeing 2 partial walls here. Rich describes Doug as pretty simplistic and spending a lot of his little free time at a table working over business figures. Most of the down stairs “family room” would be for Bob to put together and most of the upstairs “family room” would be Rich’s and mine to put together. I would think the best solution is that anyone on their own could use either room for TV viewing, but that when push comes to shove that Bob and Marcia would have a more private place and Rich and I would have more a private place in each of the separate family rooms. The ideal would be that we each have REALLY private space in the bedrooms as well.
This next picture would be Bob’s family room – without the raised part unless he wanted it built. This is all part of the finished basement. It doesn’t show in this picture, but on the west side of this room is a door going into the storage area which would again be the work/fishing room.
I think Rich’s bedroom and ours would be actually the smallest, but if we didn’t include a dresser we could have a TV on the wall and perhaps a setting of the two rockers with a place to put our feet up. If we wanted to lie together and massage – we’d of course have the bed. Maybe we still might have a dresser, but we’d pull the bed closer to the bathroom so on the window side we could fit in a settee. To compensate for the small room for two would be that we would have the master bedroom closet and we’d have our own bath which is really nice. Ahh the room is a little bigger than Doug’s 3 feet wider or 13x17.
This is the upstairs family room. Maybe we’d say Rich and I would have the living room and Bob could have the Family room. It is flanked by large windows and it has a door going out to the deck. I love the floors done in ceramic like these, but every things an extra cost. The best part of this living room besides openness, windows and doors and access to the patio, but also space for TV AND fireplace!
This is the front part of the living room ... as signature for the places I love it's got a fireplace
Coming into the house is a wide open space and I think would be great for receiving guests or Bob’s workers. To the right as you walk in is the laundry room. I’m glad it is on the central floor. I would request that along the walls coming into the house that I could place my six book shelves. Maybe one on either side of the office door and four along the long wall. I’m not so sure that everyone really wants to see my books, but they are part of me and wouldn’t fit anywhere else … and I don’t believe anyone really has something they want to put in place rather than them.
This is the hallway looking from the front door back toward the doors past the fireplace. You can see where the stairs downstairs come in ... basically the stairs are across the kitchen. I like that the access to the two guys going downstairs is so direct from the front door. There are a couple more rooms we haven’t talked about – both are bedrooms or what I’d like to think was an office. I’m thinking that Rich and I get the office – also in lieu of not having as much space. The living room too would be smaller than the family room, and most apt to be shared space – though hopefully in the evening Rich an I could cuddle up. The office is at the front of the building … Rich and I would need a desk, but it could fit our credenza and hutch. I’m not sure if the sewing room has to go in it too, or if that would have to fit in our bedroom. I wouldn’t want it out in the general space because it would be taking up room.
Another consideration is the drafting table. Maybe if the office was big enough we could fit the credenza/hutch and a desk for Rich, and then on the opposite side the sewing machine and drafting table. Hmm, 13x13. I think it could fit and it give Rich and us a working space, plus we could have a TV in that room too though the music should be fine enough. The long west wall would have the 6’ credenza and the 4’ sewing machine, Rich’s desk would be 6’ on the east wall, Hmm, maybe file on either side of credenza – that be like 6 +3 + 3 = 12 of 13 feet, and then the 4 foot sewing machine under the window and Rich’s desk along the east wall. It be nice if it could fit going out, but might have to settle for it facing east. Hmm, for that matter I might have to put my drafting table north to fit in chairs and have it access the credenza. Would have to be worked out.
This room would be next to Rich’s and my room and across the hall from the first floor general bathroom. I would make sure that this room remained a guest bedroom. I’m saying this because each of us have families and it would be a good thing to reserve space for each of them. I’m sure if Doug’s wife was visiting she’d sleep with him in either one bed or two, but if that wasn’t working she could have the room. I’m thinking that they may or may not have kids or other family who would like to visit. Maybe his parents would stop by? Not sure.
Bob would also most likely have Marcia sleep with him, though she should be given some consideration for the second bedroom. BUT, unless she paid in it would or should not be known as her room particularly because she would be over for so many weekends when others were there. However, if Bob wanted one of his kids to stay over – with or without grandchild there would be an extra room for her. It would have to be something though for all of us that are kids do not move in with us. I’m not sure though what to think of parents. What happened that any one of us – EXCEPT me would take in a parent … obviously we’d lose the guest room. Maybe that is something to be further discussed. Bob’s got 5 kids – likely though he might need the room – or if he had a hoard of kids stop over, he’d have to house them in the family room.
Rich and us would have similar situations in that either our kids from out of town or our grandchildren might sleep over. That would have to be planned. As to who would decorate the room – maybe it be a combination of our extra stuff or Bob’s – maybe even Doug’s but I’m thinking most of his stuff is going to go or go with the wife. We’re not sure. It is pretty presumptuous that we figure he’s coming into this without a wife, but that have to be planned for too. If she were around more – like during the summer months or something on that order, then we’d have to figure an extra adult in the house. I think that anyone staying more than a week or two shouldn’t be holding up the guest room unless discussed. I’d feel even as a woman and I know the only woman buying into the house, but that if Marcia or Doug’s wife wanted to stay more – they’d certainly be invited to share all the general house space, but the guest room isn’t for long term arrangements. Rich and I have to bunk-up they will as well.
We’d also have to leave room for the part of 3 kitties living in the house. Maybe 2 would stay up or 1 down, but I wouldn’t think we’d have to separate them all the time like by shutting doors. That would be terrible for all.
This would of course be shared space. We might arrange to have a table for at least 8 instead of 6 because there wouldn’t be enough for any of the regulars to have people over. Of course they could share the 3 chair space at the breakfast bar, but that wouldn’t be the optimal for formal dinners. Our table fits 6 people and I don’t believe Bob uses only his wide counter, but I’m not sure if Doug would have a table that would be bigger. If he had a formal table it might be pretty old and used … I’m thinking his wife might not want a table if she was moving in with her DIL, but it’s hard to tell. Maybe a larger table would just have to be purchased. I’m thinking that the two baker’s racks could go either in the guest room for decorative, or they could go on either side of the dining room window. That’s where I would prefer them.
This is about the dreamiest kitchen one could ever see. It is larger than the others we looked at, more open (three ways in) and the breakfast bar is closeer to regular sitting level so you don't have to stand to look in on the kitchen. It is VERY huge with miles of 42" cabinets. This kitchen is one of the reasons I know the arrangement would work out so good – just because it’s so large. There are high cabinets on two walls and lower cabinets on all four sides and cabinets under the island. The purpose here would be to have space for all the individual sets of pots, pans and such – or combine them, and then there are dishes and everyone should have at least a set of cupboards for their particular groceries. I’d want as much stuff off the counter and I know Bob’s kitchen is FULL of stuff, but that would have to be argued out. I don’t know how to really do the fridge space so that there was room for everyone. I don’t know if you would combine food ingredients like eggs and milk, or if everyone would want to buy their own. Maybe that would be something Rich and Bob could handle.
There is also the pantry. I would like to see that being used as goods for everyone that were non-food items. Maybe here it would be easier to split up white shelving. I think as to cat space … we’d probably have to put it in the bathroom and just watch it daily. Either that or it could be tucked away down stairs in the unfinished part, but there wouldn’t be as much incentive for any one particular to clean. I don’t know if the Bob’s cats and mine would try to share a littler basket like Nef did when he was over, or if something else would happen. There’d have to be a place though for the cats to be eating. I’m pretty sure Chief isn’t going to give up his wet food, but maybe if it were something Bob’s cat would like there would just be food put out twice a day. That all would have to be worked out. I think Doug is out of the place often enough due to working every day that he wouldn’t bring in animals if he had them. That would be too much of others taking care of his stuff.
This is the window over the sink and that wall. Most likely dishwasher would be run every day … and maybe I’d volunteer for that or whomever else … I like where it gets run at nighttime and cleaned up first thing in the morning. The room is SOOO big that it should be able to contain 4-6 people wandering around looking for coffee. I think Bob has a big coffee pot, but we’d have to make sure everyone was chipping in for coffee. Maybe we would through a little more in the joint account and some items be purchased from it as a group. This would particularly apply to cleaning supplies. I’m sure there are enough vacuums so there’d be one downstairs and up. We’d have to rotate cleaning the kitchen, but pretty much all the other areas would be per specific “ownership.” We’d probably Rich and me take the upstairs extra overflow bath on the main floor and guest room, because we’d already be up taking care of living, office and bedrooms. Maybe whoever cleaned the kitchen would be also responsible for the laundry room.
I know that Bob can do stuff … I don’t know how much Marsha does, but I’m guessing Bob does most. I’m not thinking Doug does much because most likely his wife has been taking care of him. That’s really the whole main thing if I may now add … A lot of this is because Rich really thought that Doug was going to be in a housing bind in the very near future. I believe he volunteered that if he had to let go of his place and stay here, that both Bob and us had an extra bedroom. I’m not sure if he’d go back and forth, or pick on or another – hopefully until a house could be built. It’s hard to say the time span with all of this. By the horoscope … it seems that right around the 29-30th something is going to happen around housing … that is why we’re putting this much priority on things now.
If Rich doesn’t talk to Bob in the next few days, then we might talk to Bob ourselves … just to get an idea how farfetched this plan would be. I know it would come up about getting another place – especially one with a bigger garage and driveway. AND maybe someplace where we own the whole building. But, I think the guys are going to find like Rich … it’s nice not to have yard to take care of and driveway. I also think the three of them would be pleased to be living on a golf course. I have no reason to disbelieve this isn’t a pretty looking option as to space. I’m not sure what Doug’s place looks like, but I’m thinking old and outdated. Big thing is that it sounds like the wife is going 100% with or without Doug … and Doug is refusing to go. There is no way he can keep up one household all to himself, he’s going to need the money to pay off debt and he’s going to need scaling back maintenance and other space considerations. My understanding is that he really spends almost all the time working and when he’s home he’s figuring out his paperwork.
Of the three guys and us … Bob and Rich would tie for cooking though I believe Bob is better out on the grill and Rich is better inside the kitchen. I might tie with Doug for the worse cook … not sure how he is at that. As to maintenance Bob would be the best, but Rich would help. I’m guessing Doug can get around with a screwdriver because of all the maintenance he’s had to do with his own store. I’m probably the one that seems most like a girl. Have to be careful there and especially not to get expected to be doing all that.
There is the question as to why or how we could do this with this particular combination of people. Even though I’ve known Rich for 15 years, I’m still the new one in the group. I think Doug has been more out of it as late, but these three guys have gone way back to high school. And, even though Rich lost $30,000 plus through Doug … he doesn’t hold that against him. He did ask to be completely out of the deal, because he’s pretty sure the store should have been sold by now. But, that’s up to him to decide. The housing option for Doug is to give him something with far less cost, but that is still nice, and to give him companionship, especially if he makes that decision not to live with his wife. I’m sure there will be times they get together periodically, especially for the holidays, but I’m guessing that’s part of the problem – that Doug is so busy with his store that there isn’t time for too much socializing or visiting. I don’t think Rich has been invited over to their house for the last 2-3 years. I think when he was out at Algonquin he might have been a more frequent visitor.
I don’t have any particular idea that Doug’s wife likes most likely either Marcia or myself. I’m not sure if she’d have too much say if the houses got sold from underneath Doug’s debt. It would be very important Doug doesn’t get included in the new house’s assets because I’d hate for someone to kick us all out. From what Rich has said the wife didn’t like that Rich was cheating obviously on his wife. I don’t think in recent 20-25 year history any of their wives or past wives really got together. I don’t know what she’d think of Marcia being married either. It doesn’t bother or affect me or Rich – so I would think it should be the same for her, but I don’t know that. That’s wild card. What happen if they wanted to move her back to the city for example if it didn’t work out with her living in the south with family. Could we have 3 women in the house … and would the other 2 be responsible to pay some share of things.
It would have to be discussed. I’m very satisfied I can get along with Marcia and she me, but neither of us know this other woman and how much she’d try to take over or overwhelm the group. For example if Bob and Marcia and me and Rich were to get the living room and family room – where would she hang out. We know Doug would wander a bit, but eventually settle for his bedroom office, but it be too tight for two people – one of which we have little information.
The proportion here on the island makes it look too long, but you can see the pantry door (sorta like a post) and the fridge and terribly long counter if there weren't enough on the other 3-4 walls! Maybe one of the things is that I’d put the stainless steel small fridge in the master bathroom between sinks. Maybe. I think basically, I’d be looking in a place in the bedroom, bath or bedroom closet for the extra fridge. That way Rich and us could have a little private stash for leftovers or liquids. I don’t know if the other guys would or not, but it would be a good idea to take some pressure off the fridge. Another thing that would help would be to get a big storage freezer down in the basement. That would take good pressure off the situation as well. If we were to reach for one more option … it would be to install in one of the cabinets a drink fridge. I’ve just seen them start to come out. Hmm, here’s an idea … looking at this picture again – where the three pots behind the pie plate are …
Maybe we could get something like this … It’s only $240
I like that idea a lot. That would take some pressure off the fridge for sure and having it up higher between the kitchen and the hall with stairs going down … would make it more convenient so that people wouldn’t have to actually come in the kitchen area for a drink. The undercounter models seem to go for $500-1000. That be cost prohibitive for just drinks. The excess liquids could be kept in the pantry and filled regular like at a store. I really like this idea! An upright freezer would cost about $500-700 moderately and can go in that room with the furnace and stuff … it’s roughed in and fine for that purpose. Hmm, chest freezers could cost about the same for the same approximate 19-20 cu ft storage. It have to be the guys preference
Ok, good good … at least then we’ve taken off some pressure from the fridge. One regular fridge, one drink fridge – both in the kitchen – one individual small fridge in each of the bedrooms, and a freezer down in the roughed in part. Good good. Should leave plenty of space for whatever could be left from condiments down to fruits and veggies.
Ok, this is the last part of what’s being offered here with this group of pictures and comments. Time for me to wrap things up in a summary. Rich has just got here and he’s going to put in the printers, so we’re going to print this document out and give it to Bob at the right time … not sure when that will be, but at least he knows what I’m thinking. Big thing will be for the guys to get together with their thinking and working things out as best friends do. When Rich brought up this possibility of getting this particular house for the four of us … he let me say a few things. First he didn’t want me to get overexcited, but I think he really wanted to get my opinion, because it would be too half my relationship with him shared with 3 guys and particular 3 of HIS best friends.
I don’t think I gave it that much of a second thought. I did however tell him I don’t think it would be financially possible. Both he and Bob would have to have good seasons. I think Bob’s is picking up and Rich’s will pick up in June and July … so it would be up to the two of them to come up with the solid figures and to get a sizeable down payment that would be so big that the bank wouldn’t turn us down. As to the four of us … we’ve each got our problems with financial or other. We’d have to figure out if I was paying 25% for my share – would Marcia and Doug’s wife be responsible for anything if they came to stay – or would it be as long as the space doesn’t change they could be included in the other’s deal. But, I would imagine that much less privacy in the kitchen, dining room and even living room where I might feel put out by them not contributing – especially to privacy, food costs and cleaning.
Other than that pretty sure we’d get along … just don’t know Doug’s wife. I don’t think either Bob or Rich has befriended her and I don’t know how much she would or would like to have over Doug’s living situation. Rich says that after she retires – is very close to 65 now she is leaving with or without him. So how solidly can we trust that. Would she come back and want to live with us for nothing – or would she feel if they did contribute more they should get more proportion of the house that I would not like to further divide. It might have to work out then that Doug coming in would be the most temporary if he wanted to reestablish his marriage. I don’t know the guys would decide the most of this.
I’m really pretty positive about Marcia at this point. We’d have to be careful to giving ourselves space if she wanted to use up too much of my extra time talking.
Sometimes like when we are working with our hands sewing it wouldn’t be as much problem as it would for instance if we were typing. That’s the nice part about the office upstairs is that I could go there to sew or write and leave behind any extra stuff going on in the kitchen or dining room. It’s a good outlet and with a small TV would be even better, because I wouldn’t feel dis-included if I had to leave.
I think pretty much people would appreciate coming into the kitchen/dining area for places to be social. I think that’s one reason we’re thinking this could work so well for Bob. He seems to need extra attention and I think it must be having some effect on Rich, especially concerning meeting for meals like breakfast or lunch.
Rich wants to spend time I think with Bob because he doesn’t want him feeling alone, but then if he’s in his pj’s doing his computer, he doesn’t want to get up and go out to eat, but then he feels bad for disappointing Bob. If they were in the same house – as well as Doug and us – then nobody would be lonely.
Rich and I just stopped for 15 minutes to have lunch. He didn’t get to the part of talking to Bob about Doug. Probably best for that to happen on its own volition. Well at least until there’s a situation where I’m with Bob and trying to hold back.
I’m not too much in favor of holding back.
I’m more like ok you got an idea now run with it.
Ok, we're back again ... it's almost a week since we wrote this so I thought as long as I am posting this now and have 20 minutes I could update the situation. It hasn't gotten very far. I decided not to show Bob the writing, because I didn't want to scare anyone with it or I didn't want anyone saying no to the plan. Of course, anything said now is going to be negative so the thing I figured was to let the idea sit for a while.
It must have been Wednesday I did it because Rich and Bob were at the poker game. I had also worked on the auction items for the Spring Fling. I dropped off the auction items at Bob's, but I did not drop this item. We did go out with Bob and Marica Friday night and I believe it was then that we told him that we were all going to move in together. We had been at the little Italian place and Marcia was there too.
It was presented in a few sentences that made him say what? But, then we cracked our grin so he knew that it was only half serious. We looked inquiringly at Rich and said you didn't tell him we were moving in together? I thought it was a done deal? By this time Bob was looking to Rich to figure out what the woman was saying. Basically, then Rich told Bob that he'd talked to Doug and then he told Bob a few things in man language about that. I figured I'd done most of my part by then. I'd planted the seed. Hehehe. I think I spoke up a few more times when I was apologizing to Bob because the place only had a 2 car and that he was going to end up in the basement, because Rich and I were going to get the master bedroom. And, then I think we also told him that we had run into a problem with our thinking in that how would it be if I were paying for 24/7 living, but that Marcia might be staying there 60% without paying or what happened if Dougy's wife came back and wanted to live there too.
We were being pretty whimsical, but it's important for the guys to know that if things one day ever turn toward that direction out of necessity that I'd be in favor of it. I know that I would need special time with Rich when we were by ourselves, but then on the otherhand we wouldn't mind living with them either because they were Rich's best friends which makes them to the end of the Earth type people with me.
I think it only later came up in a sentence with a short reference to "Well if we were going to be living together!" Rich was more negative when he was telling his side discounting some of his more positive thoughts put toward it. But, I made sure Bob knew that it wasn't me that brought up housing this time it had been Rich! Hmpf! Well, he's going to need taking responsibility for that.
I'm going to need getting going now though. We're going to leave for his Mom's place. We'll meet at home first to drop off a car and then go from there. Hopefully we'll have a good conversation between us about some mushy stuff. That probably won't happen, but it sure be nice. I think we're going to need talking out this next weekend a bit ... he said something about going fishing ... well you gotta imagine we're all for that!
This was forgotten at work from one week ago - Monday
Good morning. This is me. It’s about time I got something down. We’ve been sleepy this morning and then spent some time with emails and FB. That’s one of my favorite things to do … I love the feeling of being all caught up! I’m not getting that from work, but luxuriating it in FB.
I introduced a couple of my good friends to each other this morning. Through Vickie I found Julie, and then I introduced Julie and Vickie to Diane. I feel real positive about that combination. All three of them have sons going to Afghanistan within a week or two. All of them were originally from MarineParents.com, but hadn’t met until now. There must be a big group going out … I should be paying more attention to the war part, but I’m much more apt to pick up from the parents what might be happening from their perspective.
Hmm, I think Rich might be getting in too. I just saw Sr. have a couple people bring in the two new printers he got and then left them on his desk and chair. I’m thinking he’s unloading from the van up front, or picked up the van to go on another work errand. Have to be careful. My horoscope said to stay low until 4 pm, and then we’ll have a bit of an electric 3 hours, and then something is going to change by 7 pm. In the meantime … Rich is really on track and moving today and being clear about his goals, so we’ll want to hide from him. It says that Saturday and Sunday will have so much going on that he won’t be able to find depth or meaning in his social interactions. He’s got my sister, his daughter, and two sons and mother to be dealing with all at once … pshwoo! Poor Rich.
Hmm, just read into some of the next periods of time for both Rich and us through daily, weekly, monthly and yearly, and then added different dimensions such as love, career and regular things. I read enough to be pretty confused. *sigh* Mabye we’ll have to start over again. I think I’m just going to settle though for today earlier I stay low and then look forward to some energy after work. I don’t think we’ll be going out because there is financial problems about now and Rich is figuring out how to maintain what he’s got to be doing. Then he is looking forward in that Jillian most likely will be coming home and will need help with the move, settling and fixing her car. Chris will soon enough be getting married and that’s causing Rich to think of putting money aside for that.
Last night it was a question of could he afford a fixer for his boat to get the scum washed off that didn’t come off in the car power wash. I said so you are saying if you had a $5 product you wouldn’t be able to buy it. He got real bent out of shape about he didn’t have enough money for anything and would have to work every night and that … on and on. We thought he was staging something though because in a calmer mood he’d be saying we just have to be careful. I think he’s thinking of getting by and taking care of everyone. I told him he was just feeling sorry for himself, because he was like deliberately making everything seem at its worst conclusion to such an extreme it just didn’t make sense.
He was on a soapbox and he had started it at his mothers. He kept putting his hand on his mother’s arm as she tried to talk, and he was overspeaking loudly as to anyone at the table of Bud, his mom, me and him. He was talking about history and may have been mostly correct or not, it didn’t matter I just felt threatened when no one else was able to jump in … I told him in the car that he dominated the conversation and he couldn’t see it … he was looking at it as if he was instructing everyone … but I thought it was to the detriment of others … at least me. But, because this was a negative statement to him he got goofy and we got goofy … well at least for 10 minutes. After that I asked him after a quiet period if there was anything he wanted to talk about, but he was still explosive, so we put on our earphones and turned on the iPod. I didn’t want him though thinking we were tuning him out so we picked up his hand and brought to our knees and said that if he wanted me to just tap on my knee. But he didn’t let go of my hand he just held it on my knee … so we held back and stayed quiet.
Not much later than that there were some calls … he talked to Bob, his son, his daughter, and I talked to my son. We had talked to my sister and mother on the way to his mothers. It was a lot of family getting through. We obviously couldn’t stay mad through all that. Rich and us had to work out some arrangements for everything to fit. We’d gone out to a nice dinner with his daughter on Saturday and we were trying to get together on Tuesday. But, his daughter had called back not offering a reason, but suggesting Monday. But, by that time Rich, me, his son, my son, his mother and stepfather was all focused on Tuesday. So he pushed a little harder to keep the date. Afterward I reminded him to tell his daughter that Tuesday also was his mother’s and Bud’s 36th wedding anniversary – so would be a very good day to visit.
Then Jon was sorta suggesting that Rich be around his area on Thursday to drive him home. Thursday was the day my sister was supposed to be there, so we contentiously released him from any obligation because I figured that my sister and I were going to have most that day to ourselves because of the drive up there and back and getting through Dr. Marvin’s appointment. I also told her that we’d stop to pick-up Chinese and that we’d bring it home. I did tell her that we’d split something … so I’ll eat whatever she’s got. I’d like to keep the bill down to $12 or under. I figured we’d stop by at my favorite Chinese restaurant near the hospital. I’m hoping almost that my favorite worker isn’t there because she runs out of her room to give me hugs. There’s a lot of emotion.
After we stop to get something to eat then we’ll go home, but it will be later.
She’ll be hungry and so will I. We have to get her then settled into everything.
It’s a lot of hustling and bustling when people first come over.
I talked to Maury last night and he thought maybe he could come over tomorrow – maybe. He didn’t want to commit himself and I didn’t want to commit myself to be doing what he should be doing himself. He made it seem inconvenient, because he had overtime this week. And, I said clearly you could have done it any time over the last two weeks since I’ve been asking. Then he was like … whatever. He also used the time to tell me that the deal on their apartment was going to need waiting another month so that he wouldn’t have his stuff out until first of May … that dropped like a lead sock. I wasn’t really put out, but I felt inconvenienced in that he’d made the shape of his room so messy that we couldn’t open the door or include it as part of the house. I felt he owed us more than that. We had never agreed to be a store house. If so … we’d just arrange for him some closet space.
It probably wouldn’t have made a big difference, but now my sister is coming and we need the room. Rich has been talking to of making the house a little less crowed by using the room. Not sure for what yet, but I get his drift. The big thing would be to take out my drafting table, but that’s a part I sincerely don’t want out of the room. Taking the sewing machine out of the kitchen could be done too, but I’m not sure for what purpose. Its fine where it is and it would mean keeping the dresser instead of having to replace the shelves or the baker’s rack. Best thing would just be to clean it up a bit. We’ve got too many coats on the coat rack and the table keeps picking up stuff especially Rich going through with his letters and envelopes – and then too Rich and my briefcase/backpack we use every day. There is stuff on the back highchair and the kitties are taking their space too. We just got to pick it up.
That back room is a good reason to have back Maury’s room … It had taken on the role of our overflow room. I’d much rather have a real guest room or useful room of some sort or another than junk room, but this idea of Maury dumping “stuff there” all over the furniture and floor really wasn’t what I bargained for. I thought he’d been married for 10 years and by now had learned to pick his underwear up! Ugh!
There just took off Elvis it was getting to raucous for me. We turned on our Alternative soft. We will check that out for a bit to see if its any better. The next step would be to bring her down all the way to ambiance. When the group is outside the door I want to have some kind of real music they can identify with.
Jane is really into Elvis, but it had gotten too fast. It was making me race.
Hmm, seems like we have a task to do today too. We are supposed to make the sheets for the Spring Fling … sister is going to want them soon. Maybe we should plan for that after lunch. Lunch is just in a half hour.
There we got ourselves started. I typed out the generic form. Now we’re going to need placing in about one dozen items. If I had my camera batteries I would take pictures of the items, but maybe we can do that on our way home from work.
