Ayn's Multiple World

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Good morning this is me.  We’re not right on track yet, but we’re doing better in that we were able to walk away from Pirates this morning.  At least right now – it’s 8:45 am on Sunday morning. 

Ok, maybe we’re not through with all that yet.  We went back to manage some accounts over there.  Ok, now we’re really back.  We deposited our money for the hour.  I was keyholed by a sour loser, but it looked like he put bounties on people anyway.  He should use the money to fortify his ships, but that’s up to him I suppose.   I don’t think being keyholed is such a big deal.  I think of it almost as an honored that someone thinks of me as threatening enough to get a bigger dog after me.  *Sigh*

It’s now about 9:45 am and we’re testing out the meatloaf.  CS said that it was too spicy and hard to digest … Ok … that’s fine.  But it still seems a good idea to keep us from going out too much – I’m glad I brought something. 

I told CS that I would probably be leaving about 2 pm, so I suppose in a few hours we’ll get something to eat and most likely it will be out of the house.  If the hostess doesn’t like anything in her fridge, then she leaves that as the only option.  I’m hoping that the cost of being here doesn’t become preemptive of me not being able to come. 

She was surprised that her MIL called.  I thought that was a nice thing for her to do and I think CS was pleased.  But, I don’t think she trusts the call and there wasn’t things suspicious about it.  I don’t want to tear down either party.  I think it’s hard on the Mom because she feels poor and CS feels like she’s rich.  So there’s some hard feelings between all that as well as the natural competition over Mark.  Again, that’s not my business though so we’ll let it go. 

This morning we got to watch Rich and my Sunday morning show, so that was nice.  Bea Arthur died over night so that’s been a big deal on the news.  Now Face the Nation is on, but it’s a little too much for me to focus on it very well.

CS is in the other room watching some special show.  I’m not sure what it is, but she mentioned watching some financial show.  We told her that not spending money was the only thing financial we needed to know.  I think it is hard for her to watch the news.  I don’t think she’s overly interested in what’s going on out there.  It’s ok, I know that I wasn’t there for a long time either.  I’m glad that she’s letting me watch some stuff, but I feel bad she’s retreated to the bedroom.  She says though that she’s rarely in the living room and she spends most of her time in the bedroom. 

I think she was out quite a bit yesterday, so that was pretty positive.  She said that Mark isn’t going to be home until tomorrow morning, so she’s going to feel lonely after we go.  I wish Mark was coming back sooner, but Rich said he might be home as early as 5 pm, so we’re going to want to be home in time for that.  I miss our lovey dovey. 

I sure hope he’s having a better time fishing today than yesterday.  I don’t know if its raining that far south, but I think he said something about it raining in Brookfield so it sounds like he has some ties to that.  I’d really like to think that being on the boat will put him in a good place regardless of how many fish he catches.  I’m not that naïve to be unappreciative of fishymen NEEDING to catch fish, just I think he really needs something to look forward to. 

I think for now though we’ll go to hoping he’s ready for a good message. 

AHA!  We’re almost up to the new CNN program for Sunday mornings.  We’ll enjoy it I think unless CS comes out then we’ll ask if she wants to watch something else.  I’d like her to be able to be out in these rooms.  She’s got a beautiful fireplace.  I’m not sure if Mark uses it, but I’d have it on all the time.  I hope that its not costing more to use it, but I imagine that it’s burning some kind of fuel so we have to be cautious of that.  The show coming on is State of the Union with John King.  It’s a good review of the week, plus they’ve put it together over the week in new formats.  I think it might be a 2-3 hour show. 

The poor dogs – I had some of the meatloaf and we didn’t give them any.  I like feeding dogs as well as the next guy, but we don’t want to set a bad precedent.  They really beg badly.  I think now CS feels uncomfortably conscious of this process, but I don’t know what else to do.  It’s like the situation with the money in that we’ve got to make sure she knows we have boundaries. 

I’m thinking that I should call my mother, but I’m not thinking that would be too much fun.  I think she might be still out to church this early, but I don’t really want to check that out.  Maybe what we’ll do is call her on the way home.  That will break up the drive a little.  I don’t mind the drive at this point because it doesn’t really seem that far.  I’m sure there will be some times though that it will feel long.  I think the hardest part is that I’d like to be home with Rich and that distance is a little sad. 

Ok, girls let’s get off this. 

I don’t know if I mentioned it, but Thom has called and written a few times this week.  I was really excited to get a phone call from him.  He sounds great and it doesn’t sound like he’s far away at all.

I also don’t know if we mentioned it, but we’re talking over having his kitty stay with us.  The kitties name is Nef.  Thom sent a picture of him, but it wasn’t an email that went through so we’ll have to wait.  Alexis is supposed to bring him over tomorrow to see how he does.  I am going to take a sick day tomorrow.  I know that we’re going to be on a long 4-5 day weekend, but I feel it’s really important to the kids that we help out if we can.

Thom seems kind of down again, because it seems to him that Alexis is putting off being there with a later doctor appointment than might be desired.  She only had 3 weeks, and I’m not sure which date that started on, but she’ll only have like a week or so after the doc to get to Japan.  We don’t know what else is going to happen in between times.  I don’t think she’s ready to leave yet, but her window of opportunity is closing.  When I talked to her on the phone last week about Nef, she was still working.  I told her that she should stop work to be getting ready.  If she doesn’t do that it will be her excuse for not going.

I don’t mean to be mean to her, because I really hope the best for her and Thom.  But, I don’t think their marriage will last if she doesn’t put some effort into being together.  I don’t like to see that Thom is down. 

I asked Thom if the books had gotten there and he said that he’d sent a note to that affect, but we hadn’t gotten anything so I’m thinking we might have thrown it away by accident.  Thom said thank you then.  He didn’t say anything else about it although we tried to engage in that conversation.  He was too frustrated with the marriage situation to go into it in any depth.  I hope that it was that and not that he didn’t like or appreciate the books. 

I’m afraid, but I had thought of that before deciding on the books.  Basically, if Thom was going to be over there particularly if he’s by himself, he’s going to need doing something constructive.  I hope that he doesn’t pick up bad habits in drinking or being with girls just to punish himself.  I don’t know where Thom would land psychologically.  I do know that sometimes he talks about progressing in rank so we’re back to hoping that this helps him work that out. 

I’ve still got a few more books to send so I might try to ask CS if she could send a few more.  I don’t want to impose, but thinking that I have all the books now.  There were 3 more that came in the mail and there were a few oversized ones that I’d taken from our collection from home that I had started sending him before, but the box had gotten too big. 

We’ll have to see.  Maybe I should go out there and check out the size and weight of the boxes.  I’d like to know if I could be sending something or whether it’s going to be too unmatched in size.  The problem is that if I get up then it will set the dogs to barking again and I’m not so sure that I want to do that, because then I will disturb CS and the show and my computer and all and I’d worked too hard to get to this peaceful part of my mind.  Ok, then it’s pretty well decided – we’ll wait on that.  Maybe we can take another look at it again when we get up to go toward lunch.  We’ve still got a couple of hours to go.

I think I did as much as I could in preparing myself to be ready to leave when I should.  I’ve been doing a fairly good job at keeping my things together … I found a very nice space in the kitchen in using the space under the built-in desk that no one is using.  It stacks just right with its wide opening my small suitcase, my briefcase, my leather bag for medicine and my camera. 

There’s one more bag that’s a plastic garbage bag for my dirty clothes and a few things on hangers in the closet with another bag pulled over that.  There are two more small sandwich size bags in the bathroom, but I will get those to the suitcase the next trip up which is coming pretty soon. 

I’ve folded the blankets from the bed as we get up and I’ve been trying to get dishes fairly quickly to the dishwasher.  Other than that I’ve not made too much a foot print.

Pswhoo that was done – I feel bad though because every time I go in there to use the washroom it startles her and the dogs.  I just wanted to sneak in and out.  She looks pretty zonked.  She said something about feeling bad that she’s so out of it during my time there.  I told her honestly NOOO, we need some time for our computer writing.  It’s really true. 

Yesterday we felt in a funk because we weren’t using our time productively.  The idea of typing while she’s here at the table was really far off, because every 4-5 minutes she’d have something to add to a conversation that she was having.  I think we talked about it yesterday when people take your attention from the thoughts you’d rather be having.  I like the thought with writing although I might be holding you in thoughts not really worthy of your own; at least you can pick it up and put it down in your own time frame. 

*Sigh* after all this time with you and we’re still unsure.  We don’t think there are many of your reading, but then maybe you’ll be reading this and I would have been dead 100 years.  I would like to think that whatever happens in time we make it through on someone’s shelf or another.  Ok, why are we being this morose.  Ok, YOU!  Stop!

Hmm, have some more coffee?  That be good for me!  I think that we’re going to save some of our sick time tomorrow when not watching the kitty if it indeed does come tomorrow morning – is to be doing the bills.  I know that I have them now, but I’m so happy to have some writing time when we’re being serious about doing that that I don’t want to break it up … well, yes this and our natural aversion to dealing productively with money.  I think our main purpose of doing money is to see if there’s enough I can squeak out to be spending.

I should probably spend some time too in trying to understand the craving for purchases of material and other items in that it seems even stronger from this perspective of being with family.  Hmm, well maybe we don’t want to get into that too far, but somewhere in there it’s got to be a special thing built into our psyche. 

I think that my sister, brother and I all have it.  I think also that it comes from my father over my mother.  I don’t really see her spending so much, but she might if it weren’t for John holding that part back.  I do know that my father liked buying his toys.  When I look at both parents houses though I see things that have been around for very long periods of time – matter of fact before my dad died he had his couch that was purchased during our youth redone to sit as the major piece of furniture in his living room.  I think he did like to have toys and when he did buy something he went all out.  My mother might be considered much more stingy.  I didn’t realize it until after we’d been in other homes past college, but she had had the same curtains in her house my entire life.  Nothing seemed new.  I think she would like to think of herself as being frugal.

That’s really not an idea for myself that I need to have.  I would like to be self-sufficient, but I like to have nice things about me.  I see that as stated before in my sister and brother. 

I love Gloria Borger.  I think she explains things well and is very knowledgeable.  They are talking about whether we can hold attorneys accountable for bad advice as that of the attorneys for what happened with the torture.  This week the speaker of the house wanted to make very clear she didn’t have anything to do with that.  It’s sort of our take on America this week.

I’m not so in favor of attorneys that I wouldn’t want to hold them ALL accountable, but then I agree with it as an upset to our legal system.

Yeeks been playing again ... we went to do something that led to something that led to something.  We're trying out the browser for Flock.  It's integrative for many of our applications like this part that adds to blogger ... we'll see.

posted by Ann Marie @ 4/26/2009 12:52:00 PM Comments: 0

King: Second 100 days bigger test for Obama

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posted by Ann Marie @ 4/26/2009 12:18:00 PM Comments: 0

Trying to find our track again

Yup, yup this is me. I’m not sure what’s been happening around here, but we need to get some grasp on it. I think I’ve had a trouble transitioning from Pirate world to ANY other space.

We’re at the space up at CS place, but I’m not sure we’re so disjointed, we don’t remember if we told you that part. I tried to get in the stuff that was written and not posted, but I don’t know if I did repeats, or if the dates are even close to being in sync.

I think that as much as I want to be around more, it’s still a harder thought than I could have imagined to be working around someone’s space in the amount of distraction. I think it’s basically the talking.

I don’t mean to be negative, but it’s just that I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to retain our own internal space with a lot of loose chatter about things that don’t relate to us so much. It seems that we’ve been enjoying ourselves, but we’re feeling in our confused space. I think it’s just a girls’ thing the loose chatter, so it’s hard because I don’t ever remember maintaining a space in that environment. I want to be here … so I think it’s a part’s puzzle in joining our noise comfort level with the sounds of an active household.

I like the parts where Nathan and Dani have been dropping over or that Mark can come or go. I also like petting the dogs, but I like better when they aren’t mooching human food. They are a little too aggressive there. Like when they want to lick you they REALLY lick you – though that’s one of the little things that are making us feel pretty invited. Just in case you were figuring you were unlovable which isn’t really the case because I know that I’m loved.

I think that we’re all as a multiple trying to adjust. I think for now CS is figuring she has to be around all the time and we’ve been trying to adjust, but I think she’s going to need doing some of the things from her own space or we’ll start to be invasive to her. She’s not worked in her sewing studio since we’ve been here and she’s taken fewer naps since we’ve been here. And, then there is us … we’ve been playing much more computer games than I would have expected, though not so much from what lately we’ve been expecting out of ourselves.

I’m trying to think we could concentrate. Another difference for us this time is that the TV choice is more her taste. I have liked watching the home improvement stuff, but its tough because I can’t do anything with it in my mind. We’re on the outscoping of being able to have a place, so it’s tough on that part of our mind and it’s hard because it’s not news which makes me feel more based.

I know CS enough to know that she’d switch over to my show, but that would be pushing her out of the room and I don’t want to do that. Because the designing of space is something that could interest me and its different from what we watch then it becomes more a distraction. I don’t like the part where I’m watching too much TV in between commercials. I don’t know how to grab our mind more firmly.

I think we need some of our own space, but while you’re with people then you can’t say I need alone time. I suppose that one way to do it would be to go over to the couch. It’s just that this is my comfort space. I would like to get a better angle on the fireplace, but then the room is designed so that the light is pushed over that end of the couch that would be more accepting of the fireplace.

We talked t CS and she says that she forgets the fireplace is here because she spends so little time in the room. I think it’s a big deal that she’s at the table at all because it seems her time is spent most in her two private rooms.

Hmm, she just asked me if her TV shows were distracting because they went to yet another home improvement show. I think this is the 4th or 5th one in a row. So when she asked if it was distracting, we immediately said YES. But, then she sighed and all and said something and here we are that much after and we’re still watching the same thing. So, I think I’m going to have to handle watching this kind of TV.

It does seem to feed a little bit of unreality. Right now they are working on decorating a princess room for a 7 year old. Hmm, it’s going tangerine and blue.

Yeeks!

Ok, we’re we just thinking something? Was it a real thought, or was it more a distractive something. Yup pretty sure it’s distracting. But, I think we’re getting better at tuning out. Hmm, or was that just because we were watching another commercial. I think our head is so full of soft fluffy thoughts we’re never going to be able to cram a serious thought in there.

I hate that I’m complaining so much. I want to be enjoying ourselves and not sticking out like a sore thumb. But, we’re just adapting and this is going to take a while right?

Hmm, I wonder how fishy face is doing. I would like to hear his voice just to find my normal. I sure hope he’s not getting wet. It’s been raining here all day. It’s nice to catch in the corner of my eye the fireplace. I’m pretty sure that it’s taking the dampness out of our air.

We’re feeling hopeless with the decorating shows. I really do like decorating, just that we can’t do anything with it. There’s a little bit of a sensor going on in our head saying to itself well yes I like that, I don’t like that … I see that’s what you do with this. It’s just that it’s working against my mind because its force-feeding something that I don’t seem to want in our head. I would like it to go away. But, if we go sit on the house we miss the exponentially importance of typing quickly with our fingers.

We’re going to be ok, aren’t we? It’s not even all of us … it’s just part of us.

Ok, about now … it’s most of us. Our head is shouting out … while there are parts of us saying that’s so cool, because we’re seeing how orange and fascias are supposed to go together.

Maybe we need something to eat. I wonder what there is to eat. We’ve already had a fudsicle and I’m pretty sure we had an ice cream sandwich. Hmm, we haven’t had peanut butter on are tortilla yet. The tortillas is not soft like ours is, but traveling is about adjusting. Ok girls … we’ve got to settle into things here.

It’s going to be ok. We can share our space without getting weird, hmm?

Ok, I know we have a really good thought … well I think it’s a good thought though I might get in trouble for it later. We decided to make our gift something special to the bride and groom. Remember Nathan and his beautiful bride to be are going to be getting married?

Well, basically, she came over today to work out some details with CS … and I took up one of the projects. I fell upon it when they were making the arrangements and as I heard them bringing down the cost a bit and finally having settled on their thoughts, I volunteered to pay for the cost as my wedding and shower gift.

What happened was that they had been looking to accessorize the table. I forget what you call it. Sister Theresa does it with the tables too at her fundraising events. What is it called when you put little food stuffs on the table?

Well whatever that is ... this is what our gift is. They had made a choice to get M&M’s and put them in little pouch things and the M&M’s are going to have pictures or words on them. I think there are 3 colors white, black and burgundy maybe? I’m not sure, but one set will have their names on them and the others will have their pictures. It’s a pretty cool idea actually. It c enters the event on the happy couple as should be.

So we offered as stated before to pay for this part of the wedding. It’s not as practical as some other things might be toward their hard gift collection, but it is something that is creative and nice and something Dani loves already and can be appreciated as to cost. We umm, won’t go into that right now, let’s just think that it’s a once in a life time event and this will be that and that’s all that’s to it.

We’re doing better now in that things have quieted down. CS went in for a nap, so we had something to eat and then repositioned ourselves to the good side of the couch facing the living room with CNN off to the left. I think I heard it repeated on the design show in that if you’ve got a fireplace – especially one that’s lit, then that is the focal part of the room. CS has such a nice wooden piece around the TV, that it takes a center core of the room – it is in front of a dark burgundy accent wall. I like it just I LOVE fireplaces. I think one should be glowing from the backside of any computer effort.

I don’t mind finally stepping away from the pirates. I don’t know whose part of us that is. I know that we had made a weekend goal and had met it early in the day in that we had brought it up to level 35 of defenses and had increased our income substantially.

I’m feeling a little disappointed, because I don’t understand how the scoring is taking place. I had thought before it was a matter of you pulling together your fleet and beating out each other by points, but they changed up the format some so that it seems it’s the number or power of your weapons, but by “SOME” of the incremental stuff you pick up on your way. So like then what is the use of spending all that time and money if you aren’t buying something functional to your survival?

I also noticed something that a lot of the battles seemed to be construed over how many players you have on your team. So if every 38 level team wins over a 35 level – then what difference does it make how much stuff you have or have not collected?

Maybe this is just a small bumple in the rumple.

We’ll see. For now at least the game is put away hopefully until CS wakes up. I imagine that we are going to be doing something for dinner after she gets up. That should be fine. I did a lot of snacking just a moment ago.

It was a little bit of a disappointment with dinner yesterday. We were kind of cranky because it was so late to be doing dinner, I had to take medicine that hadn’t been picked up proper and she had stated she wanted to go shopping before eating.

That’s like a whole lot of bad combinations for me.

The shopping turned out to be the biggest negative. We agreed that we would like to stay outside when she went in. It reminded us that we had committed before to not going in with her ever. I don’t know why it feels so offensive to be going through a shopping experience, but she seems to make every deal a hard core – it’s such a great deal thing. I knew she wouldn’t just pick up what she had said she needed, but I didn’t understand how long it was going to take her to do what she REALLY had in mind to do. I think she knew she’d overstepped in that when I made my first response to her having gone in for so long, she said, “I knew you were going to complain about that!” Well, like yeah!??

Four separate customers had pulled up next to me one at a time, had gotten out of their car, entered the store, shopped, and come back outside to leave within the time that CS had taken. She said then that she moves slower and hadn’t been in the store for so long. One way or another it was something that shouldn’t have been done as it had. We pushed it to say I bet you have things in those bags you didn’t intend to buy.

I don’t think this should be my business, but what I’d remembered in the past was that you always become a part of her spending money that was not intended. I’m pretty sure that I shouldn’t have spent so much money either on Nathan and Dani, but even that was a little different. I had wanted to get them something special that would stand out. It is true though that impulsively I made that decision without considering the real costs to me. But we’re going to let that go. Nobody told or suggested that I do what I did … it was totally voluntary.

I can see that between CS and Nathan though … they’ve got ways of pushing to have the things they might not have had if they hadn’t tried so hard to get it. I could see it though the same in Dani. She had her ideas and then it was what would it take to make this dream come true. I think that in the long run that is going to work to their advantage, but for now it’s got to be tough on the budget. I think in general weddings are very expensive and you keep trying to take them up and up a notch by making them more unique. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to one, so I’ll be interested in knowing how it turns out.

I think Maury has been in touch with Dani and it seems he’s planning on making the trip up here for the wedding and it seems at this point he’s not planning on bringing up the girls. Either way is fine with me. I’m also not sure if Joe is coming, but I think if there is a way relatively simple, he’ll make an effort. It seems like both the boys and Nathan and for that matter Meredith are all interested in getting to know each other. I hope that works out.

I’m a little more worried about our mother and John in that I don’t want to become a part of THEIR party. They actually have just a little to do with our lives and sometimes it’s a little too much for me. I’m thinking the same with being here too. I really do need some time to be alone like the time we’re spending right now.

Heavy sigh … it will be ok. I sure hope I wasn’t played… It’s because I wanted to right? CS wrote out a check for Dani too. I think she’s been paying some kind of installment plan on the wedding, or maybe in particular the reception or maybe just bar part. I think it’s been a couple thousand dollars. I’m thinking the bride’s mom has been paying some along the way too.

I stressed something that still makes me feel uncomfortable concerning Marks boat.

The women … umm, Mark decided to sell it to pay for the wedding. It’s just that runs contrary to things I know about men and their boats. They boat had very long been paid for and had been good enough to sell. I know that Mark would have done anything to help out Nathan, but maybe it’s something that shouldn’t have been asked for. I did ask Mark on the side and he played out the cards proper that were dealt to him, but I could hear the reserve in his voice thinking whatever it might have been, but seemed to lead me to the thought that it wasn’t his first thought to sell the boat.

I was surprised how fast CS and Dani both defended the idea of selling the worthless old thing and how important that money was to the wedding. *Sigh* It’s sure not our wedding or son. But, there’s that bad part felt … I sure wouldn’t ever tell Rich he had to sell his boat to pay for his son’s whatever. It’s just like it shouldn’t have been done. But, then I realize how far out of the situation I am so figure that I just better deal with whatever trouble I’m having and move on with it.

Hmm we’re back again it’s about 9:30 pm and we’re trying to get out of a space. Too much television with self help stuff – I don’t mean to complain and in actuality I’ve been talking on the phone a good part of this last period. I first talked to Maury for about 45 minutes and then I spent about 10 – 15 minutes with Rich.

Funny face wasn’t doing so good because he didn’t catch any fish yet. He’s feeling down on himself and it hurt a little hearing him so not positive. I can tell when his voice is dragging and he’s feeling down and I can figure it out within about 5-6 words spoken.

We talked for a bit about his card game too. I think what happened was that he was looking for a certain card and then Bob was dealing and he flipped up the card by mistake so they threw it out, but then it wrecked his hand. I think it was like him against everyone because it wasn’t to their benefit to give him the better card, or maybe they knew some rule he didn’t, but I think he was hurt because he was going to go out of his way and call a casino to get an official rule on it. I would hope it goes his way, because he’s so adamant on following rules, but even if he was wrong I think he needed to feel it was because it was for real rather than the guys ganging up on him.

I can see him leaving the table and I’m glad he gave me the call and I think he’s going to go in his room and read a couple of chapters before he falls asleep for the night. I guess they are going to get up early by about a half hour and get out there. He said it was because they figured it was getting light earlier. He says that they’ll be leaving at 12:30 pm and then he’ll be at his mom’s at 4 pm, and then home about 5 pm. I know that he’s usually a little later than he expects – like he might not have budgeted getting Jim back home. I don’t know though maybe Jim dropped his car off at his mothers’ … Not sure, maybe it could be at our house too?

We’ll see.

I should probably leave here by about 2 pm latest. I know that Rich is going to stop by just for a hamburger and we teased him about it tying him up, but I think he’s thinking about getting home. I don’t want to be there that much more in front of him. I should get in enough to air out the place a bit and check on the kitties, but

Ok we’re by ourselves again for a bit. CS went in to her bedroom for a bit, but I’m not sure if she’s coming back or will be in there for a bit. I did finally switch it over to CNN, but I’ll always let her turn it to whatever she needs. But, it feels like a burning need for it when we don’t have access for a bit.

We’re missing Rich now more than ever. I’m glad that I’m here, but I wish I could be more social with my sister. I think we’re spending a lot of time together, but I’m not as interested in talking as much as she is. I teased her saying that Maury is almost if not more talkative than she is. I think that’s pretty accurate.

Maury seems to have had a good week all considering. It seems like it’s being pretty amicable. They have decided to split the house so that on his days he’ll be staying there with the girls and on her days she will. I think she’s going to be going with her mother pretty soon, but it might be a couple of weeks staying with friends. Maury is staying with his Dad.

Maury says that Ame was pretty torn up when she was told, but that Isa didn’t really know what was happening. He said that Ame broke down in tears immediately asking them not to do it. He said that Isa is aware that the other parent isn’t putting her to sleep at night and that there’s only one parent at home, but she might not be collecting words to explain yet what she might be missing.

I feel terrible for the girls, but know the parents are doing the best they can.

Things happen in life and you have to just get through it the best you can. I’m really glad their house hasn’t been disturbed so much that they lost their bedrooms. That’s going to be a pretty big deal.

Maury says that after the divorce is final that they are GOING to need selling the house, but that they might put it off a little until they get everything to go through. I think he said something about Lauren getting more time, but they’ve decided that it really isn’t good for either of them to be spending the time together directly. They’ve agreed not to have significant others over at the house and that either can come over whenever to help put the girls to bed or something similar, or that they can be flexible if one or the other has to have some special time off. I’m grateful they are doing it as amicable as it is happening.

I think the other positive thing about this is that Maury seems to be reaching out for friendships. I’m happy about that a lot. It would be much worse if he were to isolate himself. I think that Maury needs the assurances that things are going to be ok.

I think he was talking to me on the way home from work and that he was picking up the girls at his Dad’s house. By the end of the conversation he had gotten home and was switching his work van for the car.

I’ve got some mixed feelings tonight as we think through that particular situation of his father and his stepmother taking care of the girls. I feel a certain amount of anger in knowing that he wouldn’t trust me with my grandchildren. That’s thought isn’t going away. I think more than about anything else it drives a wrench through our relationship.

I don’t think that Maury thinks of it as a very big deal, but I do. It doesn’t seem good either that of all his places to stay he feels unable to be at my house – primarily he says because he would feel uncomfortable with being around Rich and us. He did say he didn’t want to go backwards and live with parents, but that’s not true because he doesn’t seem to have a problem staying with his father.

It hurts very badly. I’ve worked so hard during my life to provide a good life for the boys. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for them and I have no relationship that is more important. Rich has to be very close, but it’s not the same kind of relationship you have with the love of your life as you have with your children. A mother is devoted to her children. They’ve had the best of my love for the eternity of their lives and I am not trusted even for a few hours with their kids.

I suppose this is someway tied to the situation with my own parents in that I didn’t trust them with my kids. But, I wasn’t abusive with the boys. I was a good mom … at least I tried and thought I’d done good – though very far from perfect. I guess I was really very far from perfect. I don’t know how badly I must have hurt them to have so little faith from them.

I don’t mean to beat myself up, but just sitting here I’m realizing some part of me that could be hurt to show that thing and then I have to realize that this is the sickness that is part of what make my kids scared of me. I worry about Thom in that I know that he tried every option available to him that he have another place for his cat to live. I don’t know, but I think it was Alexis that talked about trying to get Joe to take care of the cat, but I guess he told Alexis that they have to look for another place to live because Cari has cats and apparently they have a place that doesn’t accept cats. It’s unfortunate for Joe because it was so ideal to live up above the dojo, but then I think that they can get a better apartment that is more suitable for two.

One way or another though, I guess Joe gave Thom a firm no. I think if something were to happen to Nef while staying with me it will be on our neck forever. I haven’t been thinking about this more or less the negative, but it’s something that has to be handled. Just maybe not now … I’m thinking that the reason it’s coming up now is that the situation between Maury and me is being strained – as to his and the girls life. I feel so devalued. I don’t know what to do with those feelings, but the fireplace and having CNN on the background again seems to help. It’s a show I’ve already seen, but it’s comforting. Plus the dishwasher is going on in the background and that seems to make me feel like everything is ok in the world.

I think I really needed some time on my own because I’m feeling stronger in that I’m glad I’m here, just wishing for my sister that I could be more for her while at the same time worrying about losing me. I just don’t see the reason to be talking all the time about things that aren’t important. That sounds terrible … of course her thoughts are important just like mine as I write them here.

I think there needs to be something said of choices. That’s as close as I am to it right now. I choose which thoughts to have as I write. I turn my attention to whichever direction. I guess I’m much more fiercely independent than I might really have believed before. It’s not until you have some freedoms taken away that it seems most important.

I’m afraid that if CS knew how hard it is to have our time so divided I would hurt her and I don’t want to do that. I think that is something that balances itself out over time.

I feel some of the same stresses with Rich, particularly since we’ve gotten the small computer. I think the game is a distraction, but the basic message is that I like to be on the computer and sometimes when Rich wants to be together on the couch it’s hard to adjust or pull myself away from this other internally quiet life. I think it’s because the parts need time to be communicating with each other.

I had a hard time while writing earlier because I didn’t know how to have our own thoughts, because we weren’t comfortable that they might be negative against the situation I find myself with my sister. There’s still a higher order thought of wanting to be her and to be with her, but there’s those more confusing moment to moment frustrations in that there are some things we value differently.

Maybe one of those things – the money situation is grating because we’re more alike than not. She is having troubles with the money situation. I know that you know we have terrible troubles with money, but she’s not in a place where she recognizes she has problems with it. When you are paying hundreds of dollars for things not necessary instead of mortgage then that’s a problem. But, then we paid $300 for specialty M&Ms today and not all our bills are paid for either.

This is what we mean as to knowing that we’re both in the same bad situation. CS had gotten a little fury pencil the other day when she was shopping. We didn’t want to have anything to do with making her financial world more strained or to encourage her or her to encourage me to make the situation financially worse.

Rich isn’t going to take more than 3 seconds to figure out that problem is happening. I know that we have parts that will convey things to him out of safety.

We really need to do the bills before the money is spent unwisely. CS has always used this deal where she says that it’s a good deal and that’s why she shops and gets items she shouldn’t be. If something is normally $200 and you pay $100, you may have gotten a good deal on the item, but the point has to be you’ve overpaid $100 that you don’t have.

Again in seeing this forces upon me a reality of what’s happening in our own shopping – I know that this is a weakness of ours I just don’t want to make it get worse.

What kind of relationship will it be if we are dangerous to each other?

In the same spirit … CS had gone to her bedroom earlier to take a nap and we’d taken a nap on the computer. We had eventually woken up and then soon from there she’d texted from the bedroom. She was asking if we would like to go out. I’ve been around enough situations like this that I know it’s a trick question … I like eating out as much as the next person, but we’d already told her that we were going to need eating out less so it would be affordable to come up here.

I told her Rich had given us $40 to eat out and he recommended Chinese, but after that we didn’t want to be going out.

I didn’t realize it, but she’d taken me to an all you can eat Chinese place. There were regular menus too, but it’s always thought buffet is always more economical than full plates. I felt bad because after we got up there we found how little they offered and how unrealistically not great it was.

I had also given her a choice between eating in or out after she’d suggested that we do one or the other but her preference was to eat out. I think I feel bad because she hasn’t gotten out a lot and I thought ok, we were expecting to go out at least once although my comfort level was saying that we wanted to get back to the house as soon as possible. You know what I think of being out.

The place she chose to take us wasn’t a very good Chinese restaurant. I don’t know what makes our choices better, but something must be happening around an ethnic city in that the food is better or truer to its own nature, or maybe it’s just that CS and Mark aren’t the food pros as Rich. I don’t know maybe it’s me that’s fussy. I know that half the idea of going out to eat is reaching your own comfort level with foods and the restaurant that is serving them.

I think CS puts more thought as to different kinds of comfort. Like she said that this restaurant had gone through multiple owners, but that it was one of the first places they’d come to in West Bend. I felt a little bad in that the waitress seemed to focus on her and she seemed intimidated by CS. I don’t know what was going on there, but we just made the note and tried to stay away from that area.

After we had dinner and I was reaching out to pay the check, then she suggested that Mark might be hungry when he got home and that maybe we should order something. The tendency is to say yes of course. I had full intention of paying for a dinner from him too, but I guess it always surprises me when it happens. It’s why I questioned whether I was played with the M&Ms. I’d like to think this was just my more paranoid stuff.

I think one of the problems is that she makes more opportunities to spend money to be there. I think she knows we have passive parts and others.

I think we’d started to say something before about dinner and she had texted us.

This is a pretty noncommittal way of voicing an opinion without going out of one’s way to do it. I know that she’s mentioned several times how much she enjoys going out and all so that you feel you are the good guy for treating out.

AGAINAGAINAGAIN. I am glad that I was able to do it, because I don’t want to feel I’m taking advantage of their hospitality, it’s just that I’m so tuned into the cost of being around them. I think it’s something that affects the three of them. They are all good at finagling.

I think this is too much for me now though because it feels threatening and overwhelming and I’m very tired, so I’m sure that one thing is feeding another. I think I got to sleep some.

posted by Ann Marie @ 4/26/2009 07:10:00 AM Comments: 0

Ok, we're about up to THIS weekend

Good morning … sorry V … we’ve been delinquent. It’s the darn pirate game. We’ve got to step away from it, but ya know it’s now paying me $600,000 income per hour … and shoot we really feel that we could live on that, well sorta … we still want more hehehe.

I’m not sure with so much time away from the blog that we should go too much indepth into the game, but even as I speak, the CNN guys are talking about pirates and pirate themes at parties. It’s pretty much a fantasy game? We are trying to protect ourselves and grow at the same time. Along with the above we have 25 units each of like 18 weapons that range from a stick of wood with a jagged nail to a very dark and dangerous pirate cruiser. That’s like almost 39 million dollars of armory.

Believe me coming at it one item at a time or even one round at 1,555,000 it adds up to a lot of attacking and plundering. Let’s see though at this point about 2 ½ days income. That’s if you don’t spend it on other things or get attacked. Some others things you could spend money on would be health from those lovely gentlemen over at the brothel and in sending notes out to other industrious pirates!

I’ve got a couple of goals for the day. The first goal is to save 18,600,000 so I can get some more income, and then the next goal is to save 15,550,000 so I can get a full 10 rounds of attack and defense points. I think that every round I pay out there is about $8,000 of cost so to get that 15,550,000 of ammunition, it’s going to cost me 80,000 in expense … from the 18,600,000 I can get 150,000 of income so that means to do the above two transactions I’m only really going to gain 70,000 income, but in trade I’m going to get the 18 weapons (attack/defense) up 40% and I’m already pretty strong.

So then the real goal today or over the weekend is to get the total of almost 35,000,000. Since we’ve already discussed having a 24 hour income of 14,400,000 that still means 2 ½ days of income IF I weren’t to lose or use it for anything else, but it doesn’t yet consider that I’ve got other sources of income like attacking and plundering.

Right now our success rate in attacking is 86.6%. We’ve hovered around that number all along. We’ve had 337 jobs completed which is really the number of rounds we’ve plundered, and then we’re at 1,050 attacks with 150 losses. We have had 4 defeats where we’ve been keyholed to the bottom of the sea and we’ve keyholed others 7 times. We don’t really try to do that because we don’t want to tick people off, but sometimes it just happens because someone’s so low on strength.

We’re running literally on like $800,000 income, but the $200,000 expenses cut into it giving us the $600,000 we’d discussed before. That’s about 25% of our income, but it’s really worth while having the confidence of going into most fights where we’re not really worry overly of being taken under.

Ok, so maybe this is all more interest to me than you, but I have to tell you we’re really into this deal. I can’t explain the gratification of getting a full hit where we just stole at one attack at a time the full amount of either 70,000 gold pieces or 140,000 gold pieces. Maybe others would stop, but we keep attacking until the other party is too weak to fight. I think that be the pirate way.

I found out that in specific someone put a bounty on my head. They put out 8,500 after having taken under 10,000 from them. That’s just poor sportsmanship, but that be the nature of the game. We are after all our all pirates and I don’t get Honeryannery skill points for nothing. I don’t really see the big problem of getting keyholed, but I’m sure that counts against you somehow. The person that took up the bounty was someone you really don’t want to go up against.

The person’s name was Blackeye Suzerin and she’s got like30,300 wins and about 10,000 losses. Remembering now that we’re only at 1050 wins and 150 losses – there’s no going after someone like that, but I think like what’s the difference of collecting only a bounty of 8,500. Sheesh. Ok, that’s like it of that.

Well I think that’s about it, except that I’m still taking in Pirate crew members.

I’m at this very moment up to 49 people. There are like 9 generated from the computer, but the other 40 are real people. Facebook allows you to separate your friends by group, so I’ve got all the Pirate people put on the side, but it seems to really bog down the reading of my home page. *Sigh* We’ll get used to it … there’s just more scanning.

One of the things that I find very interesting is that people seem generically almost the same in that they talk about the same kinds of things like being ready for the weekend, happy to have family home, or interested in getting back to the pirating game. That’s of course just for that group of people.

We just crossed over about 100 friends. I can’t believe I’ve got those kinds of numbers. I’m really surprised by how many pirates take up the invitation sent out when requesting them to be on your crew. I’m not sure if all the people I’m getting are the ones I sent out to, because some of the people could be picking up my name from notes left on others pages. I’m not disappointed though. The one thing I don’t like is that you can only add like 7 people a day. I think I’m already up to 3-4 people today and we’re only up to 8:30 am. *Sigh* This is the problem of being a pirating tycoon 

Ok, we’re back now … It’s about 10:20 am. I think we’re going back to pirate though in 45-50 minutes. It will take that much time to build up enough points to do something.

Hmm, it’s hard to do some work on writing because of all my sister’s talking.

That’s what we’re here for, but it takes some time to adjust because it breaks into your train of thoughts. Well that would be if I had a serious train of thoughts.

Ok, like we’re back. Poor CS I said something about her talking. It’s hard to say something like that without hurting feelings, but we had to say just a little something, because if she continues to talk ALL the time, I’m not going to have any space left in my brain to think. *Sigh*

I love her dearly, but sometimes we have to have quiet. I guess I’m going back here to more than a dozen years of living by myself where we haven’t heard ANY human voices throughout the whole entire weekend. I do find myself very comfortable here even with a lot of chatter. I think that CS might say out loud all the things I CHATTER about with my fingers. Both sets of thoughts might be as important as the other.

posted by Ann Marie @ 4/25/2009 01:11:00 PM Comments: 0

Up at CS the first time ... a little late!

Good afternoon this is me. It’s almost 4 pm on Saturday and we’ll probably be leaving in an hour or two to go out to dinner. I’ve offered to pay for this one.

I’ll be meeting Nathan’s fiancée so we’re real excited about that. Connie Sue is lying down again – which is about her third attempt to do so. She does a little and then she has to recuperate. Mark is working for a few hours over at the church. It seems then like everyone here is happy.

You know me … now days before I can do much writing I have to play with the pirates and respond to Facebook and emails. I’m not saying that my interaction is critical in any of this, but its part of our newer routine to calm down.

I don’t remember all the conversations that have been had since I’ve been here. I’m on my second 24 hours at Connie Sue’s and Mark’s. They have a very beautiful house. I hope they are able to keep it. In this economy everyone worries – especially if things are in transition.

They have two very beautiful dogs - Macy and Curly. Needless to say Curly is the guy dog and about the size of a well let’s just say he’s on the wide side. It’s an encumbrance to him and I can see like him wanting to jump up on a chair, but he can’t get the back part to cooperate with him. They are both kissy face dogs and they get along very well with each other. Macy does a little more guard dogging and Curly does a little more with the games. I think between the two I’d go with Macy for the chewing, but Curly has a really nice soft mouth.

It seems like every time I see the dogs or more likely when they see me, they come out and I get licked and need to pet all over again. I can see my kitties laying at home thinking HMPF! She’s sure as hell not petting me! They have a kitty here too by the name of Noel. It’s a really pretty cat, but it usually hangs out in the background. Most the time I forget that it’s there. I think Macy might chase it a bit so they’re a little tense, but you wouldn’t read it on her face – she’s as cool as a cucumber.

I’ve had the nicest conversations and for the most part if people aren’t sleeping and working they are talking. Both were home when I got here yesterday right at 12:30 pm as scheduled. Mark had to go out to work, I think and the he might have been home, but had to go out? I’m thinking, but I’m not really sure cuz I don’t really remember. I know that at some point I think he went out and got Nathan cigs ohhhh and he went to the grocery store, and then LATER he went out to work.

Nathan had come over, but he didn’t say too much to me. He was looking at CS computer as they were looking at some tool boxes. He had come from work so he was pretty dirty. He does work at a oil change place and he does work painting details on trailers and such. He seems to be pretty busy.

We’re going to need keeping it a secret, but I don’t think Mark is going to read this blog before we go out. But, he’s going to get a big surprise tonight. Nathan and Connie Sue bought and Nate fixed up a truck for his father and that truck is going to be given to him tonight. I guess that it started at only $300, but good work has gone into it and though it started as a rust bucket that’s all been fixed and made beautiful. Nate’s been working full time for quite some weeks. And, it’s been hard to keep things secret from Mark.

I think the secret has something to do with an anniversary gift between him and CS. Nate’s the only child, so when something this big comes up he’s pretty involved too. I’m thinking we are supposed to leave at 5:30 pm. We are going to see Nate’s shop and the surprise first and then I’m taking everyone out for dinner. I’m hoping they don’t go somewhere TOO expensive. I should look to see how much money we’ve got.

Hmm, I think I got about 10-15 in the car, but I think I got about $175. I’m not sure why that amount. Oh wait I know. I gave CS $10 for lunch/vitamins she picked up, and then I did dinner last night, and then I gave her money toward Thom’s gifts to be mailed off. Hmm, we were going to do that today, but it got forgotten. We’ll have to do it a bit later. I guess the money then is pretty much accounted for.

The money got prepaid on Thom’s mailing, because she said she could do it from here and I had known she wanted to give Nate some for gas. I think it worked out ok.

For lunch we had Arbies with Mark and I think food was brought over for Nate too. And last night it was just CS and us and like we said tonight here will be 5 of us.

I guess I could look at it as I should be ok if everyone keeps under $25 … I’m pretty sure I could get almost back on the same tank of gas, but I should have extra for that and I think I’m taking people out to lunch tomorrow too.

Money’s hard to come by all around, but I think I’m in better shape than they are and I feel a bit compelled to pay where I can.

I don’t want to go into all the conversations that we’ve been having, but in general they seem to be around the board. I will say one thing – CS has a sewing studio that’s really, really cool. It’s in one of the front bedrooms with the nice big oval window that lets in a lot of light. And then after that every square inch has something to do with mostly quilts, but a little with her love of making cards and such. The big thing though is the sewing.

We saw pictures and now some of the real quilts. They are beautiful. She has a lot of extra material and pieces in one state or another. Some of the kits she gets are in already cut or partially cut pieces. She has really good taste in fabric. She had worked when younger at a JoAnne fabric so she knew a lot about what she was looking for and how to use it. She’s got my mother and especially grandmothers touch for doing it. It’s really a pleasure to see her work and her excitement.

We went through every corner of her room and she explained a lot of things. It’s like taking a history tour. I’ll take other pictures later of her place if she gives me permission. She hasn’t been excited yet about me taking pictures, but I’m pretty sure I’m taking my camera to the events tonight. I’d like to get pictures of Mark being surprised. I’m pretty sure I’ll be the only one with a camera there, but it really needs to be shot.

I’m very excited for them and I’m glad I got in on the deal. I’m a little behind here in that things are getting planned around me and I don’t always know what’s going on, but that’s pretty much my style anyway. I’m very glad that I came. I was also though glad when everyone had to finally do something else so I got some quiet time to sit and write. I’m experiencing so many new things and I’m not getting a proper chance to think it all out.

Last night it was strange in that at some point relatively late, CS went into her room and my bed had been made on the couch, but then Mark came in and even though I’d drifted off to sleep with the TV on, I became alert. And then Mark and I talked for quite a while, and then after a while I used the washroom and then CS was up and then we were all hitting the fridge hehehe.

It had worked out well that they liked both the fudgsicles and the caramel puddings. I don’t think anyone’s tried the peanut butter tortillas, but maybe they will get to that too.

One way or another we stayed up as late as we could. I’m guessing it was after 12-1, but I wasn’t looking at a clock. Hmm, Mark seems to be here … Yup garage door and dog and everyone is happy again. These dogs are moving slower now than they had.

Whoops better change pages. Ok, we’re back. We’re not making too much progress.

I seem to be keep going back mentally to that space we were in last night. I don’t really recognize the parts that were out – it was a smiley part and happy, but we were in our sleep too – just our eyes were open. We were pretty exhausted, but it seemed like people really wanted to talk.

I’m not doing nearly as much talking as listening and asking questions as I had thought, but it’s like when I’m with the boys or Rich – I feel I don’t have a whole lot of interesting things to add. Most the stuff that’s in a person’s heads are old stories of some form of accomplishment or defeat or another. None of the things really need to be gone over again. Maybe there’s a discrepancy considering all I do is write and the thoughts become old in front of my eyes, but when I write it is an active thought happening in my brain immediately. I test it out, toss it around, consider it, and then let it go to be picking up the next thought and the next.

It’s the process of having the thoughts that seems to be more important than the actual thought itself. Like it’s important TO THINK!

I’m at my element with people around, but not always directly like with the TV.

Just as long as the computer is parked across from me I’m really thinking that life is good. I’m a little more conscientious of how slow my typing has gotten, but I think that in general my mind and fingers have made due with each other so that they are working coordinately.

Ok, there we took a break for a moment. I brushed my hair and used the washroom so I figured I’m about as ready as I can be. I put my money over with my camera bag and I’m going to need remembering to grab the keys. I’m pretty sure that we’ll take my car. I haven’t seen Mark’s car, but CS has explained before that it was small.

I feel comfortable with the neatness in my car to have company and most likely then I’ll just ask Mark if he can drive, I’ll give CS the front and I’ll sit in the back - Yah that’s more like my station in life.

CS last round while we were all here since Mark got back was talking about the blankets. She is offering to give me one. I know that I should take one and I really want one, but I have some kind of problem with someone doing something that nice for me. I’m one of those Mom’s remember that don’t get birthday or Christmas gifts from my kids. *Sigh* I have a favorite between the two here she is offering.

The one I want isn’t finished and I don’t know what the two look like that are being sent out for finishing. I’m pretty sure that it can’t get much better because the one that is here is really nice. It is a simple rectangular design, but it’s my colors with deep reds, greens, tans and browns.

I’d have to think about what I’d do with it. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t put it on Rich’s bed. He has his favorite blanket and that’s what happened to the other quilt … he did something with it and now neither knows where it is. The thing is that I only got so many walls big enough for something like this. It’s pretty enough that it should go on a wall. I’m just not sure where … It demands a major spot. In the living room we have the map and that isn’t coming down.

posted by Ann Marie @ 4/25/2009 01:02:00 PM Comments: 0

We're still catching up here.

Good morning this is me. We’re in a strange situation in that we’re at the parking lot of K-mart sitting in the car. Sr. decided that she needed a driver and she doesn’t often ask me, but this time she had too. Margarita, Imelda, Rosa, and Holly were all out and Maria and Cathy had big groups because Theresa was out. I was absolutely the last one on the list. She needed to get stuff for one of our clients’s going away gifts tomorrow and she needed to go to the bank for payroll and she needed to go somewhere else too hmm, maybe for some food for tomorrow.

Having the computer makes it real easy to go with her. She brought an extra client for company and she’s letting me sit in the car because she seems to remember I have a hard time walking around the store. I have troubles with being on my feet long distances and shopping. It’s something you know I rarely do.

I got a nice spot toward the front so I can look after her and it’s a nice rain coming down. I feel drifty anyway, but then that would be the norm.

There’s a lot to say after having gone through the weekend and I’m very glad to have had it. I did talk to Rich for a second last night, but he had to cut me off after just saying hello. His daughter could be heard in the background. She was frustrated with him that he didn’t take the call. I just thought he’d like to know that I was safe at home again.

He wrote me a note online and called for a moment this morning to say hi and to get past the guilty feelings she’d put on him. I was rooting on her side as she was rooting for me. I think.

One way or another – there was not much time or space for a conversation. He was going to be going to the airport about a half an hour after he’d talked to me. I don’t think I was really in the mood to talk to him either because there wasn’t enough time to get in to the good stuff. I’ll want to hear all he can say about being gone and we’ll want to tell him all about CS, but he won’t want to listen or talk. He’ll want to go back to non-thinking. *Sigh* Men – what can you do with them?

Ok, we’re moving along … we stopped at the bank and then to the grocery store right around the corner. We’re in a process of waiting again.

Sister was surprised when she’d talked to me earlier. She was ready to think the worst and that I’d stayed in all weekend. But, I was happy to say that I’d been to my sisters. That was a good thing. She asked a few questions, but pretty much just went into her thoughts on being with her brother and his family on Sunday and up at the nursing home at St. Joseph’s on Saturday. I’m glad she got then to get out too but she said she didn’t get much done.

Sr. said something about CARF, but we pretty much let that slide. We know that we should g back and do something major on it today. I’d like to give her something soon, it would make her feel a lot better. I think I’m going to need answering the questions in the book in a simplified manner, because what I’m doing is going to be good, but just too slow. As soon as I can get a grip on that reality things will be better. We should set a day to have the survey book completed. I’d like to do it without all the projects and reports we’re going to come up with in the meantime, but I don’t think we’ll be able to be that ready. Maybe I should make it a goal though to be done with at least the leadership section by Wednesday. I’m not sure why that date … maybe a backup date on Friday would be better. If I could do a section a week, I would be able to have in about 3 months most the survey work done, with the exception of particular reports. It would mean I have to stop getting stopped on hard parts and sail on my way through. Sr. would be ecstatic to have that kind of productivity. It would allow me some breathing space to get other parts that I consider valuable done. Maybe I’ll look into this soon. TODAY???!!! Ok, yes, that would be soon.

I have to try hard not to focus on the Pirate stuff when I get back. Maybe what I can do is NOT do it and then just stop by and periodically save money so I’m not vandalized! That would be enough so that I was a little in to it, but mostly out, right? I didn’t do so good with the Facebook and farm. I took care of that just before I left. I have to remember that we’re adults with adult responsibilities. That’s a really hard thing for us to do.

Hmm, some idiot just parked too close to my car and he’s parked in a non-parking spot between two disability signs … what a jerk. Some young kid got out of the car. Just frustrates me because it feels like a violation of space. Ok, it will be ok, right?

Wouldn’t Rich be so happy if there was real work done by the time he got home? I think he’s getting home in a couple of hours. It’s about 10:30 am now. He’s going to have Bob or get a cab to pick him up. I would like it to be me, but I think he doesn’t want to take me out of work again. He’s so cool.

I am going to want to write a little bit about being at my sisters. Maybe I can do that before lunch and then save the rest of the time for real work. Not that driving sister isn’t SOME form of real work – I kinda like it. No pressure. Hmm, we have to remember to stop for our mail back at work too. I saw there was a couple of packages so I’m thinking they are Thom’s books and that we’ll have to send them in at a separate order. I wonder if we’re going to have stuff that needs to go in the trunk. I find myself looking often for Sr. to come through the door even if it’s just right in front. I’ve got a clear view from here.

Good that other guy is there and is now pulling away. If he doesn’t hit me. Shoot … sr. and her partner came to the car and I got out and helped put the few groceries she had in the back, and they both got in the car and then the client remembered the coffee that sister had told her to remember that was on the top of her priority list. So Off they went again. Hehehe
This is kinda nice. I could sit out here typing for a long time. We’re only a couple of blocks away from work, but it’s too far to walk especially with groceries and in the rain. Hmm, another idiot parked in the space between the handicap parking on the other side – without having a pass. It makes it hard for the handicapped because that space was to give them extra clearance, and now they not only don’t have that, they don’t have ANY space! That’s why those other guys are jerks! This time though they are on the opposite side of the aisle.

*Sigh*

Yeah like hazard blinkers make the situation better.

Ok, where were we … hmm, thinking my sisters. There wasn’t enough information coming in from Rich’s camp to go there.

Let me start then. One of the first impressions of being at my sisters is that she and Mark seemed to have a lot to talk about. I asked them and she said they talk a lot between them anyway. It seems they are one of those couples where they each know a lot about each other’s lives. Ok, we’re back. I’m on a flat surface again. Sr. was appreciative of me taking her out.

That was nice. She hadn’t remembered driving with me before, but she did remember I don’t like to shop. No problem staying out in the car though WoOHOO!!

Ok, better get through this next part. My sister and Mark as we were saying had a lot to talk about. There wasn’t much time that we were together and not talking in some combination either me and her or me and him or me and them, or even me and Nate. I was in talking paradise!

There was a little discomfort at one time in that for some reason we’d gotten riled up and I remember saying something about them not having checked into what was going on with us and that during that time we’d been raped by a brother and had to go through shock treatment. I think that was pretty shocking for them, because there was no lead up into it. I don’t know which parts were involved or if we’d ever told either of them something like that before.

I know we’ve tried to stay away from the past, but my guess is that she’d painted to idealic of a picture or something happened in that we must have felt really taken for granted as if we weren’t trying to survive all those years. I don’t think they said anything to make us believe she was uncaring although I think there was some pressure built up in that it was a lot of time spent talking of them and their lives with very few questions if any of what had happened or was happening to us.

I tried to be what I imagined would be a good big sister, but I think someone got a little frustrated and said something like – you don’t even know or asked about us and things were happening, like did you know ….?

I think the official response was no we didn’t know. I think one of our parts tried to explain for one the sense of having walked down to the basement on Nathan’s request when he wanted to show us a little about his younger life including people, cars, school and such that we’d missed.

We told him that it had been a misunderstanding 6 years ago when my father had died, because the strange behaviors of my brother were thought to be the strange behaviors of my sister too.

I’d since found out that my brother had treated her as badly as he’d treated me. I felt bad that my sister had to go through that on her own not knowing why I was keeping my distance.

Certainly Nathan did not understand.

My sister explained how hard it’s been on him not to have family. He seems to be getting a lot of that with his fiancé. He’s living in her home with her 3 sisters and parents. One of the girls is developmentally disabled and just loves Nathan. My boys have always wanted to be closer to Nathan, but with my keeping separate from the family there were really not many alternatives.

I’d be more than happy if Nathan was able to maintain contact now with his cousins.

I would like to spend more time with Mark and CS too. Mark suggested maybe not this next weekend, but the next. I told him that was really considerate, but that we’d all have to worry over money concerns and then I said something about eating out and all and that it would get expensive, but then we said after just a little bit maybe we could work on a goal of once every month or two.

I’m not sure how that would work out with them, but it would be a little more practical. We’d have to work it in a way that HOPEFULLY, Rich would be able to be a part of the meetings too, which might mean that on some weekends we’d go and he and Mark or Nathan would go fishing while CS and us chatted.

I don’t want to put the cart before the horses, but there’s the part about comfort in staying at someone’s house. I felt very comfortable being there and I had absolutely no problem with the couch, but I don’t know if Rich would feel the same. I like the part of being available at any time of the day or night and that’s the part I would really want to shoot for.

We would need though as a couple most likely to mooch off some space in most likely what has been Nathan’s bedroom. I don’t want to take away his childhood room, and I don’t think that CS necessarily wants to take it down. But there’s a full bed down there that would give Rich and us some privacy and the only thing would be that it would need to be cleaned up. There are boxes and piles of stuff over everything.

We’d also have to talk a little bit of whether it would be more a guest room for us or anyone else or even Nathan, or if it would stay Nathan’s room. I’m thinking pretty much here on some dresser space and being able to hang clothes and in particular not having the sexy women hanging on the walls hehehehe.

Maybe there’s need to be a little compromise there! There’s no doubt though that even if the room was to be used for Nathan and his wife periodically if they were to stay over that she’s probably not any MORE comfortable with the near naked women than Rich or I would be.

As to the other pictures of Nate growing up and his trucks and such … those might be finer – there is good reason to make it a Nathan themed room!

I’d want to be setting up something though to make it very comfortable and inexpensive for Rich and us to be going up. Mark talked about some of the fishing lakes. I don’t know about his and Nathan’s schedule in as far as them getting days off from work to fish. I think they work on odd days, but that especially with Mark things can be arranged so that he could spend some guy to guy time. I think that him being in relationship to Rich would be one of the most ideal relationships he could have.

He’s lost some trust with friends over the years and while Rich has had some good friends and family, he hasn’t had those bonds yet with mine … at least not in depth – so that we could have a couples’ relationship with me too. I’m encouraged by Rich and us going out with Bob and his girl, but it’s still not the same as being with family.

I feel very much like with CS family that I have a vested interest in wanting them to be in a good space. I think there is a little immediate worry in that Mark and CS talked about not being able to keep the house. They are trying to refinance it now so that it’s more affordable. I think it’s like about $2500 per month.

This is like a gigantic concern. Mark was laid off teaching and he had another job doing janitorial work at the church, but I don’t think he’s going to be able to make it without getting a more regular job that’s fitting for someone who holds a teaching science masters. I think that Mark is having a good time with the cleaning and maintenance and that he’s done that all along for extra money and somehow it sooths a little compulsive cleaning which is healthy for him. BUT, he knows that he’s putting hardship on the family by not bringing in more income.

I’m really hoping for them that they can refinance. They have an income from CS disability of about $17-1800 and that helps, but it’s too tight for comfort.

I thought it was interesting at one point in that CS thought out loud maybe in a little desperation that Rich and us could come and live there with them. I know in her mind’s eye she’s trying to come up with an ideal way to save her house. I would do the same exact thing if I were in there situation.

I didn’t respond to her at all then because the idea of Rich and us being able to survive in West Bend. But, we’ve been building up in our head what it would be like to run another idea that I’ve been fantasizing for the last couple of hours.

Basically, what would happen if we could make a living space in the basement – there’s only one room finished now and if Rich and us could consider it like our vacation space and in so doing pay Mark and CS a little income like $500 per month.

In so many ways it’s really an ideal situation all around, but Rich would be the sticking point. He would feel uncomfortable in someone else’s house maybe and he would feel that $500 a month is a lot of money. Which it would be, but I’d want to be paying enough so that CS and Mark would be able to get something in order to keep the place.

Nathan and Mark are looking at it as if it’s too big a place for them. And, in some ways they are right. I do think that the upstairs is being well used. I’ll do some pictures later, but basically, it’s a nice large living room and a nook between the kitchen and the living room for a table and chairs. Then on the first floor there are 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. The biggest bedroom is CS bedroom. She’s got it situated really nice so that it doesn’t feel overly cramped. It’s nice apportioned.

Then the second bedroom – the one off the front of the house with the large arched window is the room she’s using for her sewing room. It’s called something nicer, but I don’t remember, but it’s a really, really nice room. I couldn’t have imagined something better for her. Hmm, I can get a picture of that now … hold on.

See this is the room … isn’t it about the coolest thing!?? This is my sister. Isn’t she cute! She’s doing just soooo well with the weight and all.

Ok, anyway … this is the 2nd sized room and then there’s a bedroom for Uncle Marky. It’s also in the front of the house, but it’s the smallest and darkest. The Master bedroom has a walkout deck and there’s a deck off the kitchen nook.

There’s a regular bathroom in between the three bedrooms and then there is a private master bedroom off CS’s space. I felt very comfortable sharing the washroom with CS, but if Rich and us were there … we’d make another bathroom in the basement. See this would be the thing.

It’s a very large and open basement. There’s too much stuff down there now, but I’m thinking that they’d be willing to work with that.

The big deal would be to convert the downstairs area into something very nice. We could work through on getting the materials paid for, and the building would be done by Nathan, his dad and Nate’s friends. I got that idea in that Nathan told his dad that he and his friends were going to build a connector between the two decks and then stairs down one of them and that it cost about $100 for material and the labor would be for free.

If it didn’t cost too much to build especially due to available labor then it would make it possible to turn a condo type unit out of the basement that would become our getaway place. It would help CS with the mortgage – improve the value of the house, get me and them all a way for us to visit, and it would get Rich a place to stay and fish over the summer.

I’m thinking that CS would keep all her upstairs rooms as they were – with the exception Mark’s bathroom would be clean enough for Rich to use it too. There kitchen is beautiful to cook in and the openness of all is just wonderful for entertaining. Again the living room, kitchen and kitchen nook is all open.

Space would be saved so that they could store SOME stuff, but there’s a big pile of stuff that’s Nathan’s and his fiancée. That will go soon after the wedding. I heard CS and Mark talk about getting the place under control in that CS hadn’t been down there since about June or July. Now her weight is making it more possible. She could do the little light stuff that was necessary like opening it up before we came and throwing the bed linen in the washer and dryer. That make it real easy for us to come in and out.

I think then as to what we’d do with the space downstairs … hmm. I’m thinking pretty simple, but something for sure. Like we would probably keep the bedroom where it’s at, but we’d have a little kitchenette, mostly a living room with a fire place and we’d have to have to have a Jacuzzi! Oh yeah and a washroom. I think the Jacuzzi would be in the open living room fairly close to the fireplace. Let’s see is that possible?

Ok, might be getting myself in trouble here, but we’re on line – or at least in text with CS. She wrote to say that she’d sent off Thom’s packages which is GREAT! I told her we were working, but trying to figure out how to make a fishing condo out of her basement. On the second note we sent out, I included a little more of our thoughts. She first thought Nathan’s bedroom, but we told her bath, LR, Kitchenette, Fireplace and Jacuzzi. J

She’s the first one to sell and the easiest. AHA! She said that she and Mark had already talked about it. That’s funny!

Ok, just gotta sell Rich … he’s like not wanting to do ANYTHING fast. We will have to have Uncle Marky send him something showing him the lakes! I think we would have absolutely ground zero problem with selling the idea to Mark and CS. THEY would be enthralled! Well I would hope so. I just sent her another message after we went to the bathroom. Let’s see how she responds, and then I’m going to need slowing down.

BUT, it’s such a grand idea and works on so many levels.

I think we’d have to get some pretty cozy couches too in that we’d want someplace to bring the kids up. I don’t know if we could squeak out another bedroom. It really come down on the living room space. I think the way would be to get a couple sofa sleepers. We’d have to have room for Maury and the girls, Joe and Cari too, basically, we’d set it up so that the boys could go up on their own time, or we’d have to squeeze everyone together – or get hotel rooms for big family weekends! Oh man this would be so cool.

Maury talks about not going to the Michigan place because he has to go there with others. And those other Garvey people aren’t inviting them. I know there’s no private lake next to the place to go swimming, but I’m sure there’s places around. He would love to be able to take the girls up I think and Mark is really talking about seeing him and his brothers more, but especially Maury.

It would be such a great place and I know that CS would LOVE to be meeting her grandnieces.

Holy Cow is this a good idea. How would we ever sell it to Rich? If we could afford like to build and to pay $500 rent – maybe $400 would be enough if we paid for the materials. We’d just have to make it economical to be advantageous to all.

I had such good strong feelings about being with the Tscharners. I don’t know how to get Rich comfortable with the idea other than letting him meet them and trying it out for himself. It would be so phenomenal. I would for sure take a lot of pressure off of him to be buying a house, if I had a weekend getaway.

We wouldn’t take the kitties with us, but they’ve always been fine on their own.

I think that if we did material cost and they did labor, then it might be economical enough. They could still go out fishing a couple hours away from the place, but there’d be a home grounds.

Rich wants like anything to be fishing. I know that he wants also to pre-fish lakes he’s going to go to with the guys. And sometimes he’s going to need officiating. But, he’s going to feel real good if he can get out and use his boat so he won’t feel the cost is for nothing.

It wouldn’t be a bad deal too in that Nathan can learn to help Rich with the upkeep especially of the motors. It sure get me going. I’d have to get back on track with the gym though. It be pretty cool. CS gave me the kitchen table while I was there. She’s used to being up by the kitchen in back of the island. She likes to sit from there on her stools. They had a laptop computer at the table and that’s where I set up mine.

I felt comfortable turning toward them in the kitchen or when they weren’t there – we stayed back when they went to church – we could face the open living room and CNN. I think that most the time we were there we’d be upstairs, but then if we had the place with Rich and me, we’d retire down to our lodge at night and that would be a really cool, cool thing.

I’m not sure how I like the idea of being in the basement, but it would be done over with walls and ceilings, so I’m imagining it to be good. I could be getting up early in the morning to be doing coffee at our little table and the fireplace and that would be so romantic. Then we could mozy on up later after being showered and such giving CS and Mark privacy. We could do meals together or separate.

I think we’d be around enough to give them good family company, but then again there’d be the majority of the time we wouldn’t be with them. BUT, I would think that even on those weekends when Rich was gone on his fishing trip we could go up on our own. I think it be cool to go up with the kids too, but I’m thinking with their busy schedules, they don’t always have the real time to be doing stuff for whole weekends. There’s something to be said though in that 2 ½ hours is just the right amount of time.

I’m thinking now of my Uncle Wes and all the times we spent together up at their place.

Basically, there was good and bad with that. I think that Rich would love more to have someplace directly on the lake, but he couldn’t do what we can do with CS at nearly the cost.

Mark and Nathan knows the lakes, and Rich would get to know them better and he’s used to pulling the boat in and out of the lake every day he fishes. That’s what he does with the guys.

I’m liking too the thought that I can go fishing with him and then visit with our sister afterward.

That’s a pretty cool deal. I’m not sure the precedent that would be set with how often I would go up there. I’d have to think through what we’d be missing as to not having a place on a lake – but then that’s so far out of our budget it’s not even funny. CS has a back yard with a fence and the decks and the decks look over the yards in a very suburban neighborhood.

I like the idea of getting full value of having dogs around without having to do much with them in-between times. She has a nice swinging chair on the deck and maybe a table? I’m not sure.

Mark has what looks like a really nice grill though and I know between Rich and Mark there’d be a lot more dinners in. It’s nice to think that we wouldn’t have to afford all the kitchen things right away, though we’d want to have something for cooking lightly in case we would want some separation. I’m thinking though of the space that we had up on Michigan. We really did like looking out on the water, but the living room, kitchenette and table – along with bedroom seemed to be a good enough arrangement.

I think that both Rich and us could do without a lot of stuff, though it seems everywhere we’ve gone to be on vacation the biggest priority for us was the fireplace and Jacuzzi.

We’d have to make sure that there was enough opening to get Rich out. He would get to feeling tied down if he were to spend all the time in, especially if he were down in the basement. BUT, we could design that situation so that it’s primarily lodging for nighttime and it’s a very good space to be!

It would still be better if there had been enough room for a second bedroom. But, I don’t know how to do that AND get the other things. It would be nice though for the boys and if he were to bring a friend like Bob. Or, if one day he were to bring one of his kids – just saying you’d have to look at options.

Thinking back to the old days at Shell Lake – I know that my parents and my uncles family got a lot of the time we were able to spend together. It was our major sense of family. I had a lot of problems with my uncle because he was very crass and together with my father they could be pretty obnoxious. I also did not like my mother and often my cousin would go off to being by herself with other lake friends. I spent a lot of time when not snowmobiling just reading and or swimming. I’m sure there are places to swim, and having a Jacuzzi would be more than just a dream.

Most often as long as I had a place to read or write – and especially in front of a romantic fireplace, then that would be my dream. I don’t know how Rich would feel though as to not getting away to be sitting out by the lake. But, I think he’s pretty much in when fishing – at least at night. We’d obviously have to have a good television down there too.

I think it was a good thing for both families back then to have a place to go in the summer or winter. I know that people want to get to know one another again and have family. I am most worried about Rich. I think he has a lot of privacy needs. Even us, there were times, I felt a need to spend some alone time.

Question goes back to could I feel ok – have a nice space and still be in the basement? I don’t’ remember if the windows were at a walk in level. I know the space was cooler so it would need to be checked in the winter especially though might be good in the summer. Thinking a sauna would be nice too, but better a second bedroom.

I think we got it past my sister. We roughed it in. She had started talking about what her and Mark was going to do, but we suggested, materials and plans on Rich and us and labor on them, and that we pay like $400 a month. BUT, it would be ours. She agreed it would be fine with her, but we’d need to get it past the guys. I agreed. I think it would be harder for Rich than Mark, and Rich would have to be the one putting money out, so there’s going to be the main problem.

Did you like how in our mind we’d done this whole thing? Hehehe … we haven’t even talked about my sister’s weekend with Rich and we’ve got him building in a place at her house. We don’t even know if Markies going to be able to keep his place, though this would surely be a plan in that direction. It seems like an economical things to do.

CS responded back with a statement also about adding value to the house. I knew that part from the start. She’d have to understand though that as to planning, designing and decorating – would come down to Rich and my decisions. I wouldn’t want to be limited by someone else’s thoughts or to suggest I might want her to decorate “MY space” with moose. It’s great for her space, I really liked it there, but it would have to be OUR place.

She was also dealing with the part about the place not being for Nathan. She still has imaginations of Nathan coming home and him and his wife living downstairs. Mark and Nathan understand probably better than CS why that wouldn’t work out. It’s the same logic as I’m being given by the boys. Basically, kids don’t want to, nor should they necessarily move in with their parents – especially when first married.

I’m not sure if even brothers and sisters and in-laws should move in together, but there is a time in life where you want to be more related to your family. It seems at this point there is some economical relating too that’s going on that makes things be considered. I’m looking at this thing of having a home with Rich would be better put aside if we could have a WI place.

He’d get the advantage of having somewhere to go with a fixed cost, plus he wouldn’t be paying so much out he couldn’t go anywhere else he’d like to travel. I know he wants to get around.

We’re doing a lot of texting with CS now. I didn’t think it would take her too much to get excited by the idea. We’ve got to calm it down a bit, because Rich could put a cold blanket on it very fast. Or for that matter so could mark, but I’m thinking more on mark’s level he’d do about anything for us including the shirt off his back. I think this would be a good thing for him though. He’s going to love Rich. Rich would be real nice to my sister too.

Ok, God … give us a sign. Is this something that could work out? AND is it going to be affordable? The one thing that is nice is that we could do it in stages as money became available – if we were to do it. In the meantime … all it would take is some cleaning out of the one downstairs bedroom, AND then there would be at least a place to stay until things worked through. It be an interesting idea if Mark could do the work himself, but he doesn’t have experience with this kind of thing. He’d need someone to be working with him who would know what to do.

That would help him though as to working on his own space in the extra time he had available. I think it would be something he would like to do. I saw the enthusiasm with him looking at doing something with Nathan. I guess they did a regular high school thing too where Nathan didn’t always want to be around him during that stage. Now it seems they like to have more time together, but still Mark is never going to get back the little buddy that was during his elementary school years.

That just goes to saying though how nice it would be for Mark to have Rich. I know they would like each other just fine.

I just talked to Rich by the way … none of this was said, but I did talk to him just long enough to find out that he was going to be home about 6 pm. MAN-oh-MAN do I miss that guy! Hehehe and then my thoughts go back to thinking I would want dry wall over that kind of pretend board that’s supposed to look like wood.

Connie Sue said before she trailed off that there is a sliding door that was covered that goes out onto a small patio under where her deck is. She says there are flowers and everything. It had been covered with a sheet to reduce the sun when Mark was down there working. She said it was poured concrete with a west facing exposed wall and that there was a whole wall of windows with screens for warmer weather, but that they had central air.

Hmm, maybe Mark could contract the work and take the place of a contractor pulling together anything that would need to be done. If we could get a place built before Rich lost his work with JVS, then we’d have a place with a small rent for later when there wasn’t an income. The deal would be costly for Rich and time consuming for Mark. He might not be able to get another job until it was done, or he might get another job and be having too much to do.

I guess worse case scenario would be that CS become the general contractor, or at least the person who was around and making sure the job got completed just right. She has more time available, though she certainly needs her naps. It would be loud at first trying to get everything done.

I feel a little bad about the starting price I’m figuring for rent, especially if Rich is going to take on the cost of materials and possibly an early rent and maybe some labor. It doesn’t seem like a lot of money for the place that we would have, but then we wouldn’t get to keep the place. We would have invested it in their house. We’d have to make some kind of arrangement maybe though that before they sold their house we would need to be paid back for our investment into it. Something to say they couldn’t just up and move, make a profit on our money and leave us high and dry with nothing.

There’s the other sides in that they still have a $2500 mortgage … so would $400 be fair, but if it were more than $400 could we afford to live in it. I guess one way to look at it is that we’d have half their property in a sense first floor is most likely about as same side as basement, but then they are living in the house average of 30 days a month, we might be living in it only 4-5 days a month – possibly more if I were to go up when Rich is fishing.

I think there are other considerations too – like I would not mind if someone else was in there when we weren’t – that would include Nathan, any of their other friends or family, or of course my boys and their families. I’m thinking more and more like there might be room for another bedroom or so. If it were as big as the upstairs – then the bedroom would be under the kitchen, and on the other side of the stairs would be the space of a living room, two baths and three bedrooms. I know some of space for utilities, but if it were the same size, it would actually be pretty big.

It really makes a big deal to consider the western exposure being doors and windows. Maybe you could build two bedrooms in the back, plus bath, kitchenette, Jacuzzi and living room. That way you could have a space for kids if they were in. I’m not sure what kind of attractions are in and around West Bend, which would be inviting to them.

I don’t know … we got side tracked and am starting fresh again here. I don’t think though that we found too much of anything. There are parks and such around and maybe small museums or other sights. It have to be really scouted out. I was encouraged by CS though in that she thought out loud that we take walks and go places. I know that neither of us have a lot of friendships, though she’s go her friendship with Carol whose now moved out of the area. I think they still get together to get their hair done and such.

I’ve got my friends – most the ones that are on Facebook, but these aren’t the people that I can go and visit and such. I don’t really have those kinds of people.

I can’t really explain the situation of having a sister. It’s certainly very different. I’d really have to adjust to it, but I think I could really get to liking it. I’d have to really think about losing out on our ideals of having a large house, especially the one in Oswego. But, the difference there is that the place would cost $2600 minimum and that’s only paying for part of it. And, we’d be located here and not having enough to travel.

The idea of a Wisconsin place is that we’d be in a better situation to travel, like Rich wants, we’d have some little place that’s ours like I want, and financially/socially it help the whole bunch of us. We’d still have to keep our place here in Brookfield for a good while. I think that Mark would like to come over to visit, but I don’t think that CS could do the stairs. We could get the back room cleaned up though and decorate it better so that they could come down and visit here too – and maybe have more opportunities to go out with the boys.

I know that Mark was already suggesting that they could come and visit. I told him about the stairs and that part would have to be discussed. Even if we were to pay $500 a month in consideration for utilities, That would be like $900 and $500 = $1400 which is still a lot of money not tied down but giving us ample places to be.

I really think that Rich based out of West Bend for being out on his boat for day trips is really a good deal. I still have to impress this place isn’t directly on a lake or even in the woods. We miss out on that beauty, but that is ok in that Rich’s idea is to go out on trips. I know he likes the idea of coming back to grill. He does like to get out.

I think I could be ok in the apartment for an extended period of time, but I would have to do something with the bedroom. I would very much like to get rid of the bedroom set, though now if I’m thinking of decorating a room up north, then it might be a consideration – keeping something for the girls. I’d really like the idea of a dresser and desk as is, but now it is unfavorably thought of as Lauren’s and Lauren’s is really on the way out. I would ask Maury if he wanted it though because he’d have to split up the girls stuff so maybe he might use it at his own apartment for them – to go along with a bunk bed.

We’ll see. I just texted him … I think it’s early for this, but good for planning if he has that in mind. I sure would like to put in a real bedroom there just in case CS could make it up those stairs. I much more prefer to spend time at their place though. Ours is good to be visiting Chicago, but it’s definitely an apartment compared to a house.

Yup, yup … I could be appeased a lot to have a place “up north.”

You’d want then two bedrooms next to each other in the back each with two closets and room for a full bed on one room and a set of bunkbeds on the other, plus a dresser in each. Would that work? I think it would. It would keep the bedrooms small, but good enough for privacy and weekend usage. Maybe in the room with the bunk beds there could be a desk too. Actually it be nice to put a dresser desk in both rooms. If the cable were being connected, you could do that too to get Internet or TV. They’d be small rooms though and they wouldn’t have windows.

Now could you do the place without a double bath? I’m not sure of that. It seems you are always going to need a double bathroom – one for guests and the second for master bedroom.

I’m thinking that you could have Maury in one room, the girls in the other, and a sleeper couch for Joe and Cari. If Thom were to be there maybe somebody else wouldn’t be or they’d have to get a hotel. There’s a limit! But, Rich’s kids could come up too there’d be space on separate visits though I’m not so sure I’m ready to think they’d want to know me or my sister and her family.

That might be a Rich consideration.

I’d really like to hold off on any thoughts of a big kitchen area. I really only want a fridge, stove/oven, sink, little dishwasher, microwave and as big a counter as that kinda space would allow. I think most big meals would be up at CS’s, but you’d want something for independence or if they were going to rent it to someone else that they could have a big enough kitchen to do so.

You know part of what I think is here going on in my mind? Well it seemed that protecting CS and Mark’s house is where it started, but its’ way past there now. Some part of me thinks that I’m going into semi-retirement. I like the thought that I could take off on a Friday about 2 pm and go to my place up north about 4:30-5 pm, spend the weekend there and then come back about 4 pm on Sunday. That be then like our 48 hour getaway.

I like that I could visit my sister and Mark and Nathan and his bride, that I could just pack up my computer and go – and often the too drive up with Rich and the boat. I would like to see my time either out on the lake or toodling around – though I’d have to have plenty of time for computer too. Maybe it is something I would do just getting up in the morning before going up stairs.

I think I would be much more appreciative of my apartment if I could then have it just five nights a week and assorted weekends. I really don’t have much beside an occasional visit with the boys where I would want to stay in town.

I’m not sure if going to west bend is enough like getting out of the city in that it’s really a
sprawling suburb, but it only took a little while and we were out on someone’s farm when looking at Nate’s work with Mark’s truck.

I don’t know anyone else I would rather get to know, I mean I would maintain my friendships, but it’s not as if I ever go to someone’s house around here. Rich could keep the cost down though in not getting a bigger place or making that kind of commitment including snow shoveling and lawn maintenance. Mark would have to do that up north, and it would be to our advantage to have that done for us on either end.

As to what could be done from Wisconsin? There’s just like way many lakes to visit. I think that Rich would appreciate being somewhere much closer to a home base where he wouldn’t have to put out EXTRA money, but where he could come in and out of. He’d get some fishy friends, if not me, plus we’d get the company for other times and at night, before we retired to our private suite.

There’s another consideration that would have to be made though. What happens one if we get mad at CS and Mark, or two if they decide they can’t afford the place or would like to relocate?

The first thing would be I suppose if we would have the option to buy, and the next thing would be if we didn’t have the money, well we’ve already covered our expenses – in that it be written into the deal that we get the building expenses back at closing. That would protect our investment, though we’d lose our place.

As to purchasing the building though I think they bought it at like $225,000. If I could earn a living from WI, I think I would consider retiring there. BUT, then would Rich still have to work in Chicago? We could I suppose live separately, or we could maintain both an apartment in Chicago plus the place up north. But, could we afford a mortgage like the $2500 CS and Mark are paying? How would we get around that – Especially if we maintained the $900 in Chicago.

That be $3400 toward retirement. If Rich were to retire entirely we could both live in WI and give up the rent, but then would Rich survive on retirement and possibly doing games up there?

It be better for his fishing life, the house is very nice and would appease my interests in the larger one in Oswego – and it’s much the style I like. It’s got the open kitchen, kitchen nook, and living room all that started my desires in the first place. Our tastes are exactly alike.

Maybe some compromise down the line would be that Mark and Rich each owned half the house. We’d keep the downstairs which we’d build and they’d keep the upstairs 3 rooms and the majority of the living room kitchen though hopefully we share some of that space in our good years.

I like the idea that if anything were to happen with Rich we’d have a place to be. I’d have to consider coming into town every Thursday to see Dr. Marvin – or perhaps every other Thursday. If both Rich and Mark were paying only $1250 then possibly they wouldn’t have to ever move. I think I could live with the downstairs, as long as we could keep our other Chicago place. That give me more options and the feeling of space I need. Having a Jacuzzi and a fireplace though would help a lot, and I’d be good with being able to borrow a dog to pet periodically.

A lot of this could really be planning my retirement. It would mean a definite commitment to CS and Mark. Could I make that – even if it meant moving farther away from the boys?

I think I could. If I weren’t working, I think I could even move away from Rich during the weeks, but that be extremely hard. It’s a better thought that I’d be with him at our southern place or north. Just I might travel up some days in advance, or stay later. 2 ½ hours is really a good distance. It’s enough to feel far away, but close enough to do the trip without too much stress.

I’d have to give some consideration to having to get a job up there. I think pretty much I’m going to retired crazy in that I’d try to build a life where I could afford to live on my disability.

Even if I were to pay for half or more likely 1/3 a house – considering Mark and CS each a 1/3, then we’re talking about $850. My guess though is that I’d take in like CS about $1700-1800, so I might be able to afford that. If the suite had been built ahead of time, then Rich wouldn’t need to worry as much about me if anything were to happen to me.

I’m thinking at this point, I’m going to want to live with Rich forever, but if something were to happen to him, I’m pretty sure my sister would want me more than my sons. It is a reassuring thought at least that that might happen. It seems that as people get older – especially sisters that they tend to support one another more.

I don’t know what either of us would do if something were to happen to my mother, or John more likely, but I’m thinking that he would leave her with enough in cash or house that she would live comfortably in the nursing home up there. I think that’s the way they are setting it up especially with volunteering up there.

I think – wouldn’t I like my own place? And, in this thought I think I’d want my own space, but not necessarily my own place. It’s done a lot of dashing on my sensibilities to think that Rich really won’t ever be able to afford a place like the dream house in Oswego. Between him and Maury this last couple of weeks stating they don’t ever want to drive that far … well it about drives me zonkers.

If it weren’t for Rich I wouldn’t put it past me to try and do this change on my own. I love the house and really enjoyed myself. There were times when I thought there was too much talking and smallness of conversation, but then it would just be up to me to walk away from it when necessary. As long as I could build a little extra space to house my boys if they were to visit, I think I would be satisfied. We would really have to build the space nicely though. I’ve stated many time already my needs.

I need a bedroom a decent bathroom, a small kitchenette, a fireplace, a Jacuzzi, a nice living room and all that can be opened. It’s nice to think of the sliding glass door entry, I’m afraid the back yard would only be the dogs droppings though. I’d have to let loose of that kind of space.

Until push come to shove though I’ll always have my Brookfield balcony.

I know I need a lot of time to myself. But, at this very moment, I think if I could do it, I would leave St. Rose and live up north with Mark and CS. Most likely I would need to work for a while until I could go on disability. More than anything I would like to establish so that Rich and us were doing it together. I’d want to be in a life with him here, and then a retreat life with him up there. But, when he left, we wouldn’t have to worry about the Brookfield place. It would just be a stop rent, and move out toward up north.

I’m most likely always going to be calm enough to be of good company to them up there, plus I’ll most likely always have an income such that combined with there’s it would be enough to live well. Not wealthy, but comfortable.

Ok, well I never really went to work, but I’ve covered a lot of ground with my thoughts. Hmm, maybe too I could yet write for profit. Wouldn’t that be something. They did call from the publisher I talked about last week. I think they have some kind of alternative $1800 deal. We’d have to check that out. Still would like to earn my life by writing. I could do that from just about anywhere.

After giving all these considerations of the day – I did want to say something. The one thing that I really got from my sister and her family this weekend was that when no one else seemed to want or need me – it seemed that they appreciated my being. There is something very comforting about this. I’ve heard Rich planning all along that he would be taking care of his wife and kids. He’s never talked about taking care of me – especially if something were to happen to him.

This is the first time I’ve felt there might be some alternate plan. I didn’t think I could do my life financially or emotionally on my own, I do feel I could contribute to a household. I think in the back of my mind I had thought that one day if something were to happen to Rich that I’d live with Maury. For a short time especially I thought without Lauren around that it be something more hopeful. When Maury broke the news last week that he didn’t want his girls living with me … I felt crushed.

The option of living up north with Mark and CS … holds open the door that somewhere someone thinks I’m not so crazy I won’t damage their life. AND too … they might benefit my being.

posted by Ann Marie @ 4/25/2009 11:58:00 AM Comments: 0