Kind of a clunky Saturday
Good morning. This is me. It’s taken me a while before I got to this part of writing. I’ve been floating around here and there this morning. I woke up at 5:30 am, and it’s now 9 am. Can’t say I’ve done much … just checked out the general lay of the land. Mostly just groping along the Internet, email and so forth. We’re not really focused. Rich has left quite a while ago. He went to the western suburbs to meet up with his kids to play golf. They were supposed to tee-off about a half an hour ago.
We got a little bit of time cozying up to him earlier. He was a little slow in waking up this morning. He needed a little extra cuddlin and massaging to coax him up. My poor baby…
Yesterday I did well in that I got to the center to collect check and cord, stopped at the bank, and then went swimming. Today, the goal is to go to the gym before Rich gets back about 1 pm. I have been SOOO sluggish though in getting to where I’m going, I’m not sure all of what is happening. We’ve just now turned on both the TV and the music, but might have to change the music, because it is not yet being effective.
Hmm, playing now with some Pink Floyd … no I don’t know how I got here, but we’re here so … taking it in. I really look forward to getting some of Maury’s music. He stopped in yesterday to advance our electronic situation. That reminds me I told Maury I would do some disk cleaning up and defragging today. He was here for about an hour, but got so frustrated with the slowness of my computer and not being able to download a driver that he said he’d be back later. I felt bad because I’d left the music on and I have known in the past that it slows down my system when I just let it running while otherwise the computer is on idle. I’m not sure why, but I should know better.
I just thought of Maury, because I know he has a copy of Pink Floyd – he had remembered from childhood that I liked to listen to it while driving in the car. That’s the memory we’re getting now. It seems like the music and TV are now at a good balance.
Sorta makes the place feel like we’re waking up now. I was playing around with playlists, because I don’t know so many people who might be of my interest if I gave it more time. Hmm, that’s not going so well for all of us … too much guitar. We updated to Norah Jones radio which means I’ll get her and people who are rated to be like her. Similar artists include Holly Cole, Jamie Cullum, Erin Bode, Diana Krall, Madeleine Peyroux, John Mayer, Mutlu, Nedelle, Sting, and Cassandra Wilson. I only know John Mayer and Sting, but I’m game for at least trying. I like the three people I do know.
Hmm, ok, settling down, right?
Hmm, where did we leave off … you know that Rich is gone for the morning … and we were thinking of going to the gym.
Maybe we should take a shower while so we can be ready after not too long. We want to be back before 1 pm. That means we should be ready to leave here by 11:15-11:30. I think it’s been taking me a little longer to get through the gym experience. I like the feeling of not being rushed. I think that this time too, we are going to try the bikes. We spotted a row of them while we were swimming the other day. I hadn’t seen it from the walking part, but surely we can now figure out where they are now that we know they are there.
Ok, brb
Pswhoo … that’s done … we got another cup of coffee too. I’m glad to be back at the desk, but this time I feel a little more able to be leaving the computer than in the past. Not saying that all that isn’t going to hit me again … just this morning we seem to be getting some relieve from it. I’m at that point of looking forward to being at the gym.
I wish I could explain it proper, but it feels like I’ve been at the gym for a long time, even though everything is new to me. It feels like MY gym. And, that feels pretty elitist in that I know being able to go to a gym is not something that should be taken for granted. I feel though a bit like myself from the days of old. Though this time I’m not running away from home to be at they gym. It’s more like an extension of home and me. Part of it is because I’ve had some pretty good luck at getting in while there are still machines … I haven’t had to scramble too bad for them, though at one point there were 8-9 people in the pool which feels like a crowd, because it’s really set up for not a lot of people and the ones that are in there should be doing laps.
There are real swimmers in some of the lanes, but yesterday and one other time I ran into a some ladies who were doing the same kind of thing as I was in just walking back and forth. The other lady cut-off at 50 times where I did 62. The two were to push myself past the mental barriers. I feel like I could do more physically, but I am conscious at least this last time of wanting to try out the sauna and whirlpool … so that takes some strength too. I have to lift myself out of the water and that takes some effort. I don’t want to overdo it so that I couldn’t climb out. That would be embarrassing.
There were a couple of people who said at least one nice thing … just in passing stuff, but it was something in that they didn’t look away blankly. I have to get comfortable with myself so that I can say hi too … people seem really careful about not getting into each others space. I’ve seen some of the older guys who seem to talk a little or some of the middle-age Spanish guys. We’ll have to see more of that as time unfolds. I’ll leave here in about an hour now. I skipped the last rotation of the regular workout, and instead took two turns at swimming after being off two days. One was planned and the other only somewhat in that I’d been looking for Rich to be home early, but wasn’t. I know, I know we’ve already been there, right?
*Sigh*
We’re still holding onto the weight of 261. I think we’ve been cheating on the eating part. We’ve been doing more grazing, especially when we get home. I’ve felt ok in not being overly hungry when we go to the gym. I’ve been doing the pineapple cup before leaving work and that seems to help. I’m afraid that I’ve expanded our stomach in that I know we are eating more than before. Like this morning I had two tortillas. And, then later I had a half can of spaghetti. I know I shouldn’t be having that because it counts like a double or triple meal because it’s all in the guise of being breakfast. I need to watch the quantities now before it gets worse. I think that’s the reason why I’m not going down faster. Also, I’m thinking that the gym is helping with some muscle building. I’d like to think that I’m becoming more contoured, although its so small at this time its not noticeable directly. Well, Rich says he can tell, but I think he’s prejudice and just trying to get me psyched up.
Have I mentioned at least today … how much of a lover bunny he is?
Somebuddy gave him a hard time yesterday night though. It should be pointed out it was before taking the medicine, but that’s most of the problem. We get tired and then somebuddy says, “I don’t want to take my medicine.” And, then he starts to get cranky because he’s fighting with that part again. It should be said it’s not like a real equal fight because he’s so much bigger than us. And, usually everything is better and someone’s getting rubbed afterward. But, I think when he says he’s getting crabby that makes the younger part feel bad and so usually she collects a hug and then goes and does what she knows she has too.
I think too we were at some place in our own thoughts of still worrying over what had happened at Dr. Marvin’s without having the direct words or thoughts to explain or discuss the situation. Rich was not in a very good place to be going into a full-throttle discussion either. He’d come in tired asking for a chance to relax. But, we’d been here most of the day and were tired of relaxing. We wanted a little attention.
We feel bad though when he’s feeling bad … so while being in that being rubbed position, we’d lay down next to him and watched the back-end of some movie that wasn’t quite as interesting as being rubbed. WooHOO! That was nice. After a while, we’re thinking we’re pretty tired aren’t we. We didn’t struggle so much when it was time to put us to bed. But, he’d done that again where he said HE was tired so I have to go to bed. Somebuddy asked earnestly WHY do WE have to go to bed if YOU’RE tired!?? But, he just sighs and says he’s in the habit of putting us to bed … and then it’s like oh … yah, I forgot.
See what I mean … we’re not much a match-up for him in the logic department when we’re in a younger part. I think that though fuels some of the feelings the younger part has in not being a more direct match. Like one of her arguments is … How come you have to be right all the time. I think she sees it that it would be more fair that we share being right, but he’s like … I’m in charge and I’m the big person, so what I say goes. She rebels without having the ability to lay out real arguments. It’s kind of a sad silly thing that’s happening. I guess it’s just the kind of relationship we’re going to have for quite some time to come until we can figure out how to do it better.
I don’t think we’ve said too much about what happened Thursday with Dr. Marvin. Maybe I better read up though so we don’t repeat too much. Hmm, looks like I forgot to post yesterday better do that now.
Walking close to the edge again
Good morning. This is me. It’s Friday morning and it’s 8 am and we’re in the middle of a WONDERFUL day off! Woohoo!!! Mr. Chief is enjoying that also though he’s stated clearly he would like a little less clutter on my desk. Ack … Kitties!
We’d gotten up about 3 ½ hours ago, but we did what we shouldn’t have … followed our Sweetie Pie back into the bedroom when he was getting dressed. We know better. As soon as we curl up on his bed to watch we’re like overcome with sleepiness. We just want to cuddle-up under his blankets and let his pillows carry us to sleep. Well … after that it’s like we lost 3 hours of up time for sleep time. I hope that it proves that we make good use of all that time later during the day.
Officially, now we’re into our 4 day vacation. It’s SOO grand. We’ve got Charlotte Church and Josh Groben in the background, hugging our kitty in the foreground and trying to avoid that we should be taking our medicine in the middle minds of our head. Maybe in a few when we get tired of holding our kitty – though he’s been known to wait patiently on the table knowing we would return.
Whoops we unsettled him with a couple of long pets. He wanted to stretch out, but there wasn’t any room for it. BUT, there are advantages. Typing is so much faster without a big furball in the middle. I know medicine, right?
Ok, that is done, but there’s some little problem that we’re a little grumbly over. I appear to have left my cord for the iPod on my desk at work. I had brought it down to put on the Me stuff and didn’t have time for it. Damn … plus I left it on last night because it won’t turn on now. Damn, Damn. I don’t want to go for four days without it. I called and left a message for Rich … he had thought about going in to St. Rose, but might have changed his plans because I told him that we were closed for the day. I did have the information though that our checks were in … so if he were going that direction he might pick up both of them. I would just have to know he’s going in so I could call Sr. Theresa so she would know it’s ok to give it to him.
We’ll have to see now if he calls back … usually he’s pretty good with messages. We also took the time to order our medicine because we’ll be out of it by tonight. Maybe I will have to arrange a time out to pick up medicine, money, cord, AND go to the gym. I’m thinking about 3 pm would be a good time to hit the gym. That would leave me about 4-5 hours to write. Lordy … we don’t think that will be enough, but maybe by then we will have done as much as we had hoped to do. Rich didn’t realize we were off today so I don’t think he was planning to be around. I think he has a game actually. It would be kind of nice to actually go with him, but I don’t know if he’s budgeted a time to come home to pick us up. AND it might interfere with some of the other plans. I wouldn’t want to go if the iPod wasn’t charged up.
We’re also looking for when we are going to meet up with Maury … he has to work the next two days, but he might have been stopping by after work one of these days. We’re still looking to get his CDs so we have more of a musical choice. Really frustrated that I left that cord at work. Really didn’t want to go down there today on my first day off. It relays some kind of dependence. BUT, I do need that check as well. Hmm, let’s hope Rich makes the trip … the worst case scenario that I go to the gym early and that he comes home and wants to take me to the game with him. WOOHOO!! That would be the ideal way to spend the day off.
I can’t complain about yesterday though. Poor Rich … when he came home last night we met him in the kitchen … as is probably our signature style … we have to check him out to make sure all the parts are in good working order. That led to another foray in the bedroom. Shoot, I am really liking this gym idea. Seems to be making us feel pretty healthy. Hmm, we might have to plan time to get in early enough to charge batteries before going to the gym. Drat I forgot about that. Well … we’ll let the planning go for a bit until we hear back from Rich.
Hmm, there was something bad that happened yesterday. I seem to have gotten caught up in the earphone cord and I walked over one of the buds. There’s still sound coming out from it, but I damaged it from the level that was there. I was ok with listening to one … it seems better to listen in one ear while one ear is free to listen to people talking. I did that all day … actually for a couple of days. Sister hasn’t said anything yet, but I don’t know if she will. That might be coming.
I’ve irritated her over the last couple of days because I had been helping Sister Florine. Yesterday she told Sr. that I wasn’t going to be helping her anymore. I came back and said sometime to sister later, but pretty much it was a bitter idea for Sister.
She really hates for staff to be talking … She said that Margarita and Imelda could help her. But, both were gone this week and I know that Margarita has too much work just straightening up the beads to be packaged and sent out. She has about 4 days work in front of her. Hopefully, we’ve at least raised enough awareness in that Sr. will assure that Florine gets more help.
I also told Sr. the problems with Sr.s work. I told her she’s very slow and I told her that many of the beads come back not tied tightly or the counts are off. I told her I didn’t think she was counting all of them before she collected them at the end of the day. Sr. Theresa was cranky about the whole thing, but we’re not going to be able to do anything else about it. I’ll let things fall where they are as often happens when Sr. steps in. I brought it up a few times and sister just got more frustrated with me … we left on shaky terms. I can’t go there with her though … her minds made up and with good reason. I am really behind enough so that I shouldn’t be there. In that respect she’s right. It’s just that Sr. Florine needs help. It also affects me when I have to come in the morning and things aren’t caught up or the tables aren’t set-up for work.
The other big deal of the day is that Karla is officially coming back. Yesterday it flooded me what that all meant. Karla had felt like she was over-worked before and that the paper work was too much for her. And, now I have to plan for her. But, she said before that my stuff was too hard. I’m grateful to be getting out of the time being spent with the group, but it’s still taking time to set-up her plan … and I don’t know how much grief I’m going to get for being too complicated.
There was another part where I had to talk to Sr. Theresa. I let her make the decision of what to be doing with the goals. I said that either Karla would get all the goals in two days, or we could and should split it between Imelda having 3 goals on Monday and Karla having 3 goals on each of her two days. That’s what really makes the most sense. That’s the way that Sr. decided to go. 9 goals would have been a lot. I reminded sister that we’d had trouble with Karla before doing goals and paper work … she said that it was too much. So now I have to worry about her being able to do the goals that are set up for her. It was a big pain in the neck when I was working on it at the end of the day. I remembered as I started to work on things Karla refusing to work with me … she said things were too hard and she wasn’t smart enough to do what we’d asked her to do. I think that’s going to be a source of friction between us and the part of her being in the back.
I also asked Sr. if she was going to have the desk in the back – Candice’s old desk between Rich and us. Fortunately, she said that I don’t think she needs that much space. I had to agree. I really didn’t want her back there. I think though that she’s going to have enough time to do her planning on her own because Thursday she gets out of an hour for Town Hall and Friday she gets out an hour for the Thinking Group. The good part though is that she’s going to be doing Food Prep. That part was worrying me. I really didn’t do well with cooking. I dreaded it as much as tying up my entire day to be working on things.
Karla is also going to have to be writing progress notes. I don’t think she did well with that before either. But, as we said earlier, she has an hour at the end of her days. We’ll have to figure out who’s going to be marking the sheets on the two days that there are just the three clients. Rightfully, Karla should be taking that over too, but again we have to assess competency.
I think we’re seeing problems already … we were hasty in trying to get out of doing the group time to be accepting her, but the longer I studied the situation, the more fears I was feeling.
I talked to sister about it when we’d by chance met up in the art room – her locking up and me looking for a book. Sr. was defensive … she said well it’s been a while, maybe that she’s changed and that we have to give her the benefit of the doubt.
But, I have a dark foreboding sense that we’re just backing ourselves into a complicated corner. I also remember that she and Maria and Brandi were pretty tight. I’m not sure how much trouble she’s going to cause that way. I’ve got to let go of thinking of it to calm down.
I do know that she’s starting next week after the long vacation. Let’s move on ok?
Yesterday, there was a pretty big event going on. St. Rose had their client picnic. But, it was going to and did rain, so sister decided to have the event at the center instead of dragging everyone out to the park. That turned out to be a good idea, because after an hour of being outside the rain started to come down. I was dismissed from having to do all that. But, after it started to rain, the leadership group came back in and needed some supervision. I’d let them go on for a while, but then two of the girls started bickering with each other. It was set-up to be computer time so we let that go on in the background while we loosely chatted with everyone to see how they were doing.
One of the girls goes often to the casinos with her mother and uncle and friends. She turned out to win a big pot and wanted to talk about that … she got a small leather carrying case for her phone and a sparkly red cap, plus they stayed overnight and went to the spa where she got a full massage. I try hard to listen to things that are important to them … but, sometimes I don’t feel my heart is where it should be. It’s like a practice of listening more than really wanting to get involved in their lives.
I am more orientated to doing lessons than sitting around chatting. I get a little bored and restless with it.
Sister hinted strongly that we should be with the group with the lunch and celebration afterward. I tried my best to sit patiently with a couple of people who weren’t as socially accepted and had ended up with each other and no common ground.
I had squeezed in the lunch part though in the staff room with Margarita before sister caught up with us. So then we wandered around the room a bit saying hi to others before the main party event was to happen. There were two piñatas.
The piñatas were hard to watch. Because there were too many people too close for a piñata on the wall and for someone turned around with a bat and blindfolded to be swinging. Theresa did the majority of that, but sometimes she stood back when the person started swinging. She was protecting herself, but that left people in the crowd a little more vulnerable. It was for the most part though a very fun event for the group. They maintained their interest. The lower functioning clients went first and they did a great job of pounding the hell out of the candy-laden animals, and then the stronger guys had their turn, and last some of the staff took their turn. It took a whole lot for the piñatas to be broken open and then there were mad scrambles for the candy.
I didn’t like that part, because it was just the stronger more aggressive clients that were getting the best grabbing spots. And, then they were hard pressed to share any of their candy with the clients who were less able to fend for themselves.
Fortunately, Sr. had other things to be giving away. She had a couple large bags of candy, some power horns – for football, baseball, etc., and she had a very large box of small stuffed animals that were very nice. People were getting two to three animals. They had a great amount of fun with it. It was like Christmas in August. The groups went back to their rooms for the last half hour – 45 minutes. I stayed with them for a bit, but then I got side-tracked to the front where I’d gone to get a few numbers from Sr. Florine. She was with her friends that had helped to sponsor the party, but that’s about when we had run into Sr. Theresa.
She was sitting back in a chair looking exhausted. We sat and talked for a little about various things, but then she noticed that books were missing from a crate left by old staff that she was going to be going through. The clients were able to tell her that one aggressive client had taken it upon herself to distribute the books, which infuriated the sister. She reclaimed the books from wrong spots the client had put the books, and then she placed them in a corner bookshelf she’d brought in. It was an improvement from how the books were established before because now they were grouped by subject matter.
Like I said though … Sr. and I ran into our problems and so we figured the best place to go was back to our office. She reminded me one last time that we were to be working on the lesson plan, so we figured we might as well start that project.
One of the sessions – on social skills we had to hunt and hunt to retrieve old books. So, we made a plan for a listening skill. It was all put down on one sheet of paper. And there will be a page distributed to the clients for the project. It is only an hour exercise. Basically, I changed the names so that it was easier for the clients to identify with, but basically, Margarita was said to be given a new job at a place called Theresa’s-to-go. Her first job responsibility was to build a big Jake’s burger. The staff is to read through the instructions and skills we were looking for and then she was to read a short story of ingredients to go into the Jake burger, and the clients were to listen and then build their own burger on the pictured worksheet. I put down that they were to draw, and then hopefully label the pictures with ingredients.
I thought it was a simple enough exercise … and it was spelled out, but I think that Karla is going to complain because she has to read the paper. Most of it was the story itself which was 2/3’s the sheet and that was because I’d spaced out the ingredients so they’d be easy for her to list. We’ll see what happens on Thursday. Sister said though to stick to social skills as an extra project for her other than the goals. The time she will be working on the goals, the others will be working on the computer doing for one the fun stuff, and for two the sections on how their work went, what did they learn, and if there was anything they wanted to set for a new goal.
Hmm, my songs were done from the previous – I’ve listened to 27 and it’s now about 9:30 am. So, I turned on the Enya and similar artists’ channel. That should be nice and calming. I think we’re about ready to let go of the immediate day yesterday as far as work is concerned. There’s still plenty of stuff work wise to talk about, but we’ll have to drift back into it.
Hmm, haven’t thought of it for a while, but it might also be a good time to go into some of our project with editing our story.
We’ve not done that for quite a while. But, that’s a project for much later in the time span when we’re not so hot to be writing.
The next subject that I wanted to go into was the one with Dr. Marvin. It was our Dr. M. night. I think it was ok, but there were younger parts out that haven’t been out for a while. Primarily the one that hid in the closet. She was doing a pretty good job of hiding out in the room from her corner of the couch. I think we got there from a time spent talking about some of the stuff from the week previous.
Wow! We just got breaking news 5 minutes ago. Senator John McClain picks Alaska Governor Sarah Palin for his running mate. He’s really trying to get the votes of the women. I should probably turn on some CNN for the background to hear what’s being said. Yup, yup … front line stuff. I also have to listen to a couple of speeches today. I fell asleep early during Barack’s speech … not because he was dull, but because I’d made the mistake of listening to it from the view point of my nighttime chair and blankie. Knew that wasn’t going to work.
Wow. I guess I’ve been gone again. For quite a while. It’s now about 12:30 pm. Where the hell did we lose 3 hours? Well, besides when we went back to bed this morning. That was a loss. I know more about Sarah Palin than I heard before. We’re listening in the background/foreground to CNN. Part of that time though has been spent in going over emails and one in particular from Dr. Marvin. On the lighter side he sent me the connection to a site called, “Cute Overload.” Can I give you an idea?
Not that it’s a place for sexual pictures as much as it is a place for cute stuff. This one was under the heading of racks and kitties. I don’t think there can be one better expressed.
Hehehe we sent the picture on to Rich … *sigh*
On the more serious side … we got something else in the email that we’d forgotten to think about and it’s been the second week under that condition. Dr. Marvin is now saying that we’ve had another disorder not known previously or at least recognized out loud. He sent me a link for it … it’s called, “selective mutism.” I’ve never heard of it before, but after reading more about it I can see his point. It’s pretty clear. But, then if I were to accept it further I would have to then be placed under another disorder. I’m not yet having had thought that through, except for that of my reading and comparing – could that be me?
The link Dr. M. sent was through Wikipedia. It states that it is a rare psychological disorder in children, but can last through adulthood. It is about people who are fully capable of speech and understanding of language, but can fail to speak in certain social situations when it is expected of them. (Please realize I’m stealing this information pretty directly with just some paraphrasing.) It says that it presents from a range of reluctance to speak in certain situations to physical and social ‘frozen’ unresponsiveness.
My first thoughts on this is that it would explain some of my behaviors … a strong part partially because it’s tied to social anxiety disorder and even to the obsessive-compulsive problems. I have a hard time now thinking how so many things could be the matter with me. This disorder has been attempted to be attached to abuse and neglect, but they are saying that’s not necessarily correct, because it is more affected by an extreme anxiety to remain silent despite their will to speak.
The mutism is characterized by:
The consistent failure to speak in specific social situations despite speaking in others
The disturbance interferes with educational or occupational achievement or with social communication
The duration of the disturbance is at least 1 month
The failure to speak is not due to a lack of knowledge of, or comfort with, the spoken language required in a social situation
And the disturbance is not better accounted for by a communication disorder (e.g. stuttering) and does not occur exclusively during the course of a pervasive developmental disorder, schizophrenia, or other psychotic disorder.
Some of the traits are
A difficulty in maintaining eye contact
A reluctance to smile and a tendency to have a blank facial expression
Stiff, awkward body movments
Particular anxiety in situations where speech is normally expected
A tendency to worry about things more than other people, sometimes generalized anxiety disorder
A sensitivity to noise and crowsds or crowded situations
Difficulty with verbal and non-verbal expression
Frequent temper tantrums at home
Fear of using public restrooms
Compulsive traits, even obsessive-compulsive disorder
Clinging behavior
Most times when someone tells you you have a disorder … you can blow it off and say … well yah, right. But, when you’ve been with a doctor of psychiatry for 9 years and he says … you are being affected yet by selective mutism … then you have to say, hmm?! What are you saying.
My thoughts have been criss-crossing ever since. Like I remember so clearly not talking when I was young and how long it took in school and even through college and through my current work situation to be talking – the basic nature of what I have to withstand. It seemed like that too especially in the last couple of days with the music. I don’t think it’s because of the music, but maybe a reason for it. I’ve thought why am I suddenly listening to music, why did I have needs to make it available.
It’s become very important for us to have it playing in the background of one ear while we are dealing with our life in the other. It has been getting us through the workshop more easily and it got us through the social situation yesterday when sister exclaimed assertively that we should be in the multi-purpose room where the party was going on.
After a while, I had found a space toward the back next to Sr. Florine who was entertaining others, and around the lowest functioning clients and their staff Cathy. We said a few things to Sr. Florine when we first sat down, but otherwise we withdrew in the crowd. We were very aware and studying other staff who were taking more of a forefront position. Especially, Theresa, Holly and Maria. Those and another staff, Stephanie even got to the social outlet part that they were hitting the piñata. I mean really bruising it up bad. I was terrified of the thought that I might have to do that … and I was terrified of the situation as a whole of having to take responsibility for being a social presence other than my one-at-a-time movement toward some of the speaking groups.
Things are all now different in the multi-purpose room and we’ve been going over it for the last 24 hours. Sister has changed the tables and chairs to be more café than institutional – set’s of 13 – 4 people tables instead of six or so long tables for 8.
But, it takes a lot more room to have these tables scattered out on the floor. Everybody is looking in one direction or another and the backs of chairs are close to bumping up against each other and there aren’t as many clear aisles to sift through. The situation is horrifying me in the way those kinds of things do. It’s much unorganized. I have to prepare my mind for being able to speak in front of the group in it’s’ entirety like this. By this time exactly next week … we’ll have to give an African presentation where all the clients will be including the staff. I can do the staff alone and clients alone after summoning my courage. And, it’s the same with doing the staffings. I have to really climb outside myself to be taking public charge. And, in the same stance I’ve been marveling over the presidential debates about how people are able to remember and speak in front of others with such credible presence of mind.
But, it’s more than just a problem with public speaking. It’s a terror of being in the presence of others and knowing that I have to be putting myself out there. I know there is fear of criticism that is very strong. That’s why the full range of staff and clients and boss is so predominant. Shoot that whole thing for so many years of being terrified by sister Theresa none of it is normal … I mean I know she’s threatening in general, but it’s the fear of others and being found less than that I’m looking at now.
I don’t think that Sr. appreciates all my parts. Like the one’s yesterday who had worked next to Sr. Florine, or that were now responsible for program assignments for the leadership group. Everything that puts us on a stage or away from the privacy of our office is driving me up a wall. I think of the position of being only disabled as something that I would prefer to be living with other than meeting social pressures. I’m not saying that all our parts are like that, but I’m like that. I hate having to be away from the office and some days just walking down the hall can be too much. When Sister is fussing it makes it just that much worse.
Hmm, now I’m walking away from what I originally meant to talk about. That is the selective mutism. I have a hard time not thinking of since the time of 6 freezing in the bed so that I wasn’t able to leave it to go to school. My mother let me stay home by myself and it took hours and hours before I was able to move off my bed. There’s a lot in-between that I’ll have to go through … hopefully most with Dr. Marvin, but then there is the times in the hospital and out, or the 2-3 years with Dr. Woollcott not speaking to him and the walking into Dr. Marvin’s office every session turned away from him and glaring angrily off to the side. Almost every time we see him we have to convert over to a space where we can talk or bare to look at him. I think of all those years with our Lissa who has always refused to speak. I guess one of our way of handling some of our disabilities was to have formed parts that held up or “spoke” for those kinds of needs.
Right now we’re feeling challenged by these new thoughts to feel a bit flighty. I don’t know what the ramifications of it all are.
I know I have to go through each of the points and looking at it as a whole. You know I analyze and analyze things to pieces.
The first trait is the difficulty of making eye contact. That’s like our signature trait at Dr. M’s office. We rarely go through a session where at some part we have parts that are not able to look at him. This stupid thing has been going on ever since we’ve started therapy over 20 years ago. We’ve never been able to figure it out … and now all of a sudden we are given a disorder that normalizes this part of us. I think this one lays on the good side. It’s not good that there are so many times we cannot make eye contact, but at least there is an upcoming avenue to be dealing with it.
The reluctance to smile goes hand in hand with this other part, but is taken up again from the perspective of work. While I think we are smiling all the time, Sr. and the staff complain that I’m always looking over serious and broody. I’m trying not to play up to the traits to just agree with them, but I don’t know how else to respond when most of them are so strongly indentured to my life. The part of having a blank or stone expression is just as common. Because if we’re not looking at a person directly we are staring into some fixed spot trying not to relay our internal positions. I’m not going to let the other know that I know fear … We always need to be in control, because in general most situations where we find ourselves in these positions aren’t feeling as if they are being controlled. Often enough that generates itself from Dr. Marvin because he challenges our space.
By the same token we’ve got those parts like the ones exhibiting themselves last night who cower in the corner of the couch with our hand stiffly over and above our eyes sheltering them. Also includes the parts we’ve always known have been paralyzing to us. These are the parts that freeze up and cannot move to save their life. The anxiety parts of us are so predominant that is silly to go there as is the parts where we over think. How can you explain 5 years of this blog where we think and think and think. Worrying obsessively over one thing or another – just as we are doing now. Everything seems to be an emergency and something threatening to block us from a known form of life. How many times have we felt challenged to go any further than our computer. How much of our social world do we hide from. Even today … the fear of leaving the computer even though we know we want to go to the gym and/or pick up our check along with our iPod cord is overwhelming to us. The word anxiety explains it all.
Hmm, looking that up now too. “Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is an anxiety disorder that is characterized by excessive, uncontrollable and often irrational worry about everyday things, which is disproportionate to the actual source of worry. The excessive worry often interferes with daily functioning, as individuals suffering GAD typically catastrophise, anticipate disaster, and are overly concerned about everyday matters such as health issues, money, family problems, friend problems and work difficulties. These symptoms must be consistent and on-going, persisting at least 6 months, for a formal diagnosis of GAD to be introduced. The person finds it difficult to control the worry. The anxiety and worry are associated with three or more of the following six symptoms with at least some symptoms present for more days than not for the past 6 months. Restlessness of feeling keyed up or on edge, being easily fatigued, irritability muscle tension, difficulty falling or staying asleep, or restless unsatisfying sleep, difficulty concentrating or the mind going blank.
Social phobia (DSM-IV 300.23), also known as social anxiety disorder[1] (DSM-IV 300.23) is a diagnosis within psychiatry and other mental health professions referring to excessive social anxiety(anxiety in social situations) [2] causing abnormally considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some areas of daily life. The diagnosis can be of a specific disorder (when only some particular situations are feared) or a generalizeddisorder. Generalized social anxiety disorder typically involves a persistent, intense, and chronic fear of being judged by others and of potentially being embarrassed or humiliated by one's own actions. These fears can be triggered by perceived or actual scrutiny by others. While the fear of social interaction may be recognized by the person as excessive or unreasonable, considerable difficulty can be encountered overcoming it. Approximately 13.3 percent of the general population may meet criteria for social anxiety disorder at some point in their lifetime, according to the highest survey estimate, with the male to female ratio being 1:1.5.[
Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is an anxiety disorder that is characterized by excessive, uncontrollable and often irrational worry about everyday things, which is disproportionate to the actual source of worry. This excessive worry often interferes with daily functioning, as individuals suffering GAD typically catastrophise, anticipate disaster, and are overly concerned about everyday matters such ashealth issues, money, family problems, friend problems or work difficulties.[1] They often exhibit a variety of physical symptoms, including fatigue, headaches, nausea, muscle tension, muscle aches, difficulty swallowing, trembling, twitching,irritability, sweating, insomnia, and hot flashes. These symptoms must be consistent and on-going, persisting at least 6 months, for a formal diagnosis of GAD to be introduced. [1] Approximately 6.8 million American adults experience GAD, which affects about twice as many women as men.[2]
Anxiety disorder is a blanket term covering several different forms of abnormal, pathological anxieties,fears, and phobias.
In clinical usage, "fear", "anxiety" and "phobia" have distinct meanings, though the words are often used interchangeably in casual discourse to describe ubiquitous emotions. Clinically, a phobia is defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th edition (DSM-IV-TR) as a "persistent or irrational fear." Clinically, fear is defined as an emotional and physiological response to a recognized external threat. Anxiety is an unpleasant emotional state, the sources of which are less readily identified. Distinguishing among different anxiety disorders is important, since accurate diagnosis is more likely to result in effective treatment and a better prognosis. Surveys have shown as many as 30% of Americans may be affected by anxiety disorders.[1]
Two for the price of one
Good morning, this is me. I think that is probably you, but my glasses may be dirty.
Hmm, it’s me again, but we sorta spent our time – the big part from 5-6 am looking around on the Internet. We went through all the stuff on the opening aol screen, but then we found a service that showed homes in the area. I found a GREAT home on Shields and Oak … It is a corner lot, across from a park, ranch, with 4 bedrooms, 2 baths, living room, family room and large eat in kitchen. Plus it’s only $259,900. The place is close too – it’s in our neighborhood. I showed Rich and he’s like not even taking nothing serious. There’s even a separate laundry room. I don’t know if it has a basement.
Hmm, ok, that’s that. I left a general question of inquiry. We’ll need to check things out. Rich was not very helpful, but you know me. Always pushing the envelope. I asked the broker/owner if they would consider no money down. Doesn’t hurt to ask.
Hmm, not getting very far here today. Yeeks. Just discovered that Rich left his cell phone here. That’s a no-no. Gotta now figure out … if he were to collect it. Would he go here or would he go to St. Rose? Hmm, gotta think St. Rose. I guess we’ll bring it with us. Let’s hope that he gives us a call since we cannot call him, hmm?
Good morning … this is me. We’re up again … We’ve taken valuable minutes to be getting our computer to act politely. She was trying to bog down … so we waited forever to close down windows that were open. We’re onto a new day … it’s Thursday.
Rich is now in the shower.
We ran into him a few moments before, but he was sorta crabby tired. He was looking at a harder work day, because he’d forgotten his phone at home … oh we said that. Turns out it would have been better to leave it at home, because toward the end of the day he came looking for it, but to be fair, he could have called me right away and asked me if I’d seen it. Hmpf!
Nah … not like that it wasn’t a big deal, but he was out late … Rich came home about 8 pm. We’d come home earlier, because we thought he’d be here, but it turns out that he had golf, then he stopped for a drink – umm, we heard just one … and then he stopped at the store to pick up a few things that included kitty food. We had been a little worried for him because we couldn’t get in touch with him, but then we were a little frustrated.
We had spent all that time listening to commentators getting ready for the big speeches from Bill Clinton and Joe Biden – and then there was the little movie Spielberg put out on the military. But, he came in and didn’t want to pay attention. First he made several long trips out to the kitchen to get his dinner prepared and then he got on the phone and started talking to at least 4 people, and then he decided to go to bed before the speeches were over. I can’t figure that out … He should have been more interested. But, apologetically enough I should tell you he prefers McCain. UGH! He’s missing the historical content of what’s happening … I really believe that its Obama’s time in history.
The speeches were great! I can hardly wait to hear from Obama tonight. He did a special guest appearance last night after Biden’s speech but not for long … Just a few words to welcome Biden and his family. Biden had his whole family on air. There were quite a few of them.
Hmm, now we’re back again. We were talking to Rich for a bit, and we took our shower and that subset of duties. Rich was feeling better … but he has a meeting with the head of JVS … this is bigger than his immediate boss. He was having the fleeting thoughts that he could be fired. But, there is no evidence to think that … he does good. If he is fired it’s because JVS is going to be closing down their workshop program. It’s hard to know what the new executive director has in mind for that.
We’re going to hope for the best.
There was a situation with his family in that his brother-in-law who is an executive vice-preseident of something was fired this week. He’s like 55 so most likely they were downsizing. Rich has never said anything to make either one of us believe he got fired due to lack of merit. So now people including Rich and his wife are thinking they are vulnerable to being fired too. I think it’s just part of the process of getting older and more vulnerable. Companies just don’t have the same loyalties as they used to have.
The other part of the conversation that came up was that of Bob’s son … Rich’s friend. Apparently, while Bob and Rich and Ron were playing golf yesterday, Bob got a call to say that his son had just received 6 tickets from driving violations. I guess as part of that he tried evading the police stopping him. He started off at 10 miles over the speed, but they busted him at 115 miles per hour. Rich is thinking that the only reason the kid would try something that dumb is because he had drugs in the car. He’s had violations for that already, although Rich says they expunged that record. He’s still a juvenile. Rich thinks though from his experience with personnel that the records really don’t get expunged.
One way or another it was a pretty big deal. Rich had a lot to talk through about it. He’s feeling really bad for Bob and he keeps repeating that the kid is not that bad a kid, in that he respects his father and is polite doesn’t swear, all that stuff. I think though that this kid is going to continue going down bad paths. Rich says he’s normal as to not wanting to wake up – sleeps in and all that, but that’s really just the norm for kids. He said he was going to pass on the message that he is disappointed in what the kid did. I can really tell that Rich is worried over him and Bob. I like that part of Rich … he’s very empathetic.
Something else happened last night … I got to talk to Alexis Thom’s wife. It was a very nice talk and I’m so happy we got a chance to do this. I really like her and am very happy that she trusted me enough to talk so earnestly. I want to let her know that she’s family and that we will do anything we can to encourage support in her direction.
I’d like to go further in that, but like the boys … I want to respect her privacy. I did though talk to Thom yesterday morning too. He seems to think that he’s going to be moved … forgot what you call it. But, oh I know evacuated. Damn I need to remember these simple things. Maybe there is an element of fear here. I don’t want Thom to be in danger of Hurricane Gustov. It seems like it’s going to go right over head. I think he’s evacuating with his troops to Georgia. Most likely he’ll be moved today. I hope he is able to stay in communication. I know the government is going to secure their own. Most likely they move the troops now, so that they can come back to help in case the situation becomes untenable.
Hmm, that’s probably all I have time for today. Today is the last day before a 4 day vacation. WooHOO!!! I’m so happy about that. Today is the day of the center’s picnic. I’m not sure if it’s going to rain or not, but I’m hoping the weather holds out. I’m going to try avoiding going, because it means that I’ll have time to get other things accomplished. I worked yesterday on updating the situation with Outlook. So far the new system seems to be working pretty good, but I don’t have the iPod hooked in yet. I’ll bring the cord today to see if I can get that taken care of from the work computer.
Ok, moving!
Zipping along
Good morning. This is me. I’m hoping that you are you :)
We’re up, but got a late start. We woke up about 3:45 am, fed the cats, made the coffee, sat down and decided we needed more sleep. So then Sweetie woke us up and then we couldn’t wake up, and then about 6 he woke us up again, so we figured we better get up and take our shower right away, so we did that got our medicine ready and our gym clothes and so here we are, but it’s already 6:20 am. Yeeks.
We had an ok type day yesterday. We didn’t get far though because Imelda called in sick and that meant we got back the Leadership group. That and of course we did Group I for the first hour of the day, but that’s pretty regular by now and not getting any better.
Sister talked to me yesterday about the staffing situation. She said that Karla an old employee called back and said that she saw the job advertised in the newspaper and she wanted to know if she could do something on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So now Sister is thinking about her working the Leadership group on Thursday and subbing on Tuesday if necessary. That give me one more day off, but it would mean she’s not hiring for Fridays and if anyone gets sick like yesterday that would mean that I’m going to need substituting. I don’t think it’s affecting Holly the same way, because I’m doing like ten hours of work on DSP jobs and Holly’s getting like 2 because she only has to do two days where she’s only working 12 to 1 because either she gets Town Hall on Thursdays at 1 or Thinking Group on Friday’s at 1. Hiring Carla is only going to improve my schedule by 2 ½ hours. I still have 7 ½ hours of DSP work, and believe me NONE of my other work is getting accomplished.
Yesterday after I got through the day … Sister had me cleaning out a box though I had been filling in the DSP records, which is taking MORE time … That bit into the day … and then by 2 pm I went to give something to Sr. Florine, and then I saw how badly backed up she was, so I helped to count beads and get her paperwork done. We talked some, but only between counting beads. Hmm, I also helped her clean up a bit. She’s so tired by the end of the day that she can barely move. She was asking me to get this or that for her. I tried to comply. All of that took me to 4 pm.
And, by then I certainly wanted to go home even though my papers weren’t completed with the chrononotes. I will have to do that this morning.
The big rush in getting out the door was that I was looking forward to doing my gym. I of course had my new iPod and I wanted to give that a whirl. Plus, I wanted to get to the gym early enough to avoid any possible rush between 5 and 6 pm. I am going to need to learn to play my iPod at times but not during the car ride. Mostly this is because I’m missing my time listening to the news. I had just come up with listening to NPR to catch news and I’m going to need doing that again, because there is no other real good time to be doing news. I’m missing that veg-out time right after work where I used to play around with news and celebrity gossip. That’s an ok thing to give up for the gym. But, still need my news.
The gym went well. I was concentrating on improving my walking minutes. I did it!
I’m now up to 12 minutes. This is like the most amazing thing ever. I think I could have gone further, but I didn’t want to press my luck. I had started feeling a little sore, so I stopped so I didn’t tire myself out for the weight machine workouts upstairs. The iPod was terrific. I only looked at my time 3-4 times while working. Most of the time I was listening to the music and then reading the close-captioned words for the TVs that was in front of me. I think I stated before there are about 3-4 groups of TVs where there are 3 bundled up in each group. I think that’s pretty awesome. It got me to get my mind off of what we were doing. Hmm, and also I upped the pace to 1.8 that seemed to work out ok. I didn’t do so good on the scales this morning though. I think it was because when I woke up earlier to feed the cats, etc. I had the rest of the spaghetti from last week. So by the time I weighed myself, we were back up to 262. Ugh. But, we’re not going to give up in the least. I know by now the weight fluxes and this is within the normal range.
After doing the treadmill, we went up to the machines. We started with the ball on our back, which felt good after the long walk. And, then we proceeded though the machines. I think we got to more machines than we had before, and we challenged the pounds lifting or pushing. If we got to the first set too easily on the weight that we’d chosen, then during the second set, we would add another weight. We did two sets of everything we worked on. That turned out to be a good deal. The music helped tremendously. I felt I were in a zone and it was going very quickly. I also focused on not spending too much time waiting between different machines. I noticed that some of the people spent too much time weighting. It was like they were really having to consider hard before going on to the next thing. I didn’t want to get stuck in that. I figured that I had a lot to accomplish and it wasn’t going to help if I just sat around. Then too, I didn’t want to take up machine space for someone else who might have wanted to work on the machine I’d just finished. It is frustrating when others take too long to just be sitting when I’m waiting for that machine.
I was really pleased in that the machines were not being overly used, and that gave me some time to get used to the space without the pressure of a lot of people. And, then I found that by the end of the workout there were even fewer people. Like about 4-5. That was pretty cool. I had left work about 4:15 pm, did the ½ hour drive to the gym, and then I stayed until I’d noticed the clock said 6 pm. That was a substantial work out time. WoohOO!!
On the way home I felt very accomplished. I felt a new kind of strength I hadn’t felt for a long time. There wasn’t a moment at the gym that went by where I wasn’t happy to be there. I think it all got mixed up, but I noted that the closer I felt to walking in the back door the more zipped I was feeling. I took one look at Rich when I got in … he was standing in the kitchen … that I felt super-powered. He came over to give me my kiss and we wrapped our arms around him and told him very directly … we are going to sex the hell out of you. And, we’re going to do it NOW!
Hehehe. Well, then all things progress as they may, but it was certainly a pleasant homecoming. I thought Wow! What happens when I really start losing weight. I’m going to be an uncontrollable nymphomaniac! Sigh ok, worse things have happened.
Rich then fixed up some dinner from leftover for me and he made himself a steak, and then we watched a movie – action/thriller as somebody got rubbed ever so nicely.
Hehehe. Man gotta keep up this gym routine. I think it’s one of the best 2008 decisions we’ve made so far. Because I’m feeling GREAT! Let’s keep it up now, K?
Working at the weight yet
Good morning … this is me. It’s back to a Monday morning. We’re up later today at least as late as about 5:30 am. Rich said he was up at 4:30 am, but laid back in bed until 5 am, and then he got me up after his shower. And, then we talked for a bit. Well … talked and watched Rich think through his morning. He said he had 3 things to do, but only time for 2. I think he made a decision now although it wouldn’t surprise me if he switched his mind. He said he was going to go back to the kitchen table and straighten out a few things.
It gives me just a few moments though before we take our shower. We’re still in that place where we can hardly wait to be connected to the music. I’m going to try saving the iPod for when we’re away from the computer so that we don’t get tired of our more limited music. We did get a pretty good collection of Coldplay. That’s a good deal. We haven’t listened all to the new album, because we’ve got it on mix. Then I’m going to have to decide whether I listen to the music on the way to work or the radio PBS. And, if I can’t make a choice it will be split one ear for both.
I find it soooo liberating to have the music from the iPod. The quality is just sooo good. Now I think I’m going to be envious of V who’s probably been collecting for a while and knows what he likes. It was a long time ago when he got his MP3 player … he’s had some time with it to develop his sounds. Ok, enough of that … envy is better later in the day … like after you go to bed. ;)
I talked to Maury yesterday and he said he’d bring some CDs over. He says he has SOME stuff I might like … Just know the first on the list was a couple of Enya’s WOOHOOO… That’s my boy!
I felt bad, because yesterday was a total melt down kinda day with our electronic ware. Man … We’re just getting so plugged in that it’s hard to imagine all the complications it could bring. We’re still not hooked up with the Video box, but Rich and us have been making good use of the TV. Last night we picked a movie that Rich had recorded. It was a silly one, but I enjoyed it because we were in that being massaged position wooHOO!!! Good stuff. Hmm, there’s more to say, but maybe I better get in the shower while I’m having such a nice Rich memory hehhe.
Ahh there we go … out of the shower … medicine has been taken and food packed … shoot forgot about gym clothes better do that too. Hmm, have to remember that … one undershort one over short, a shirt, hair thingy and a hand towel. I have to be careful with the other under thingie … better make sure I wear one … hehehe … I’ve got the socks and shoes on already. Should have my hair up too just gotta make sure.
Do you know what? Do you know what? We weighed in at 260 this morning! That’s a new low weight! Came down by 2 pounds since yesterday. That’s a SUPER deal!
I have to tell you … we worked hard for that. We went swimming! We went 30 times to the north and 30 times to the south … so we’re counting that as 60! And, then after that we went in the hot tub – it was very large for a bit, but we skipped the sauna because we didn’t have the proper shoes. We need the sandals or flip-flops whatever for the pool too. We’ll stop by Walgreen’s and pick up a pair there tomorrow. I think we’re going to try the schedule of every other time gym then swim. I’d like to say Monday, Wednesday and Saturday gym, and Tuesday, Friday and Sunday swim, but something might come up on one of those days … so I think we have to concentrate on every other day with Thursdays open for Dr. Marvin. We also figured we should go after work, but if we’re really starving to death … eh come home and then go out about 7 – 8 pm. We’re just pretty sure we need to avoid the 5-7 time.
The pool wasn’t too bad, though for a while it got crowded. By that I mean – the pool takes 8-9 people, but after that it seems crowded. That’s where the whirlpool and sauna come in. I noticed there being a predominance of older men … there were other women there too, but not many young people. It must be the old dude, dudette thing to do. That suits me fine … I’m big enough to be considered older. I smiled at a couple people and saw people chatting in the pool and in the other two, but otherwise I haven’t struck up a conversation yet. I feel like we’re being too new to be overly confident. But, it wasn’t bad.
There were a couple of people who tried to mess with my lane, but for the most part I was left alone. There was one lady when I came in who seemed dedicated to be going back and forth, but there weren’t very many serious continuous swimmers in the lap lanes. I have to figure out if what I’m doing in walking is considered good lane usage or whether I belong on the loafing side. Because there weren’t many lane swimmers, I didn’t feel too bad in the lane directly between the two sections. I have to be unafraid and remember that I’m adaptable.
I think when I’m at Walgreens we’re going to get a locker too. Maybe that way we can keep a short set and then just rotate it out after using it. I think we’re going to need bringing our swim suit in and out because it gets wet and needs to be like the towel hung out. Oh that’s a thing too … we need a new swimsuit. When I tried to swim … I umm almost fell out of the top part. That’s no good. It’s too loose. Rich agreed with me too … too loose not good. I think we’ve got an option in that they are probably having good deal on the leftover swimming suits and we’re pretty close to the next $100 from Rich for clothes.
WooHOO!! That’s because we’re up to 47 pounds and he says we get a new $100 each 25 pounds. That’s a good deal!
I was so surprised to have dropped that last 2 pounds. I was hoping the swimming would make some difference, but it’s really grand when it happens. I’ve got a renewed sense of optimism!
We missed the workout on Saturday because we thought it was open until 9 pm … we got there at 8 pm, but discovered it had closed at 7 pm. I think 5:30-11:00 pm on Monday through Thursday, and then 5:30-10:00 pm on Fridays and 8:00-7 pm on weekends. I was disappointed, but we’re making do.
I am so psyched about having a gym membership right now. I hope that it lasts and we learn to work it when we’re feeling a bit down. But, it just seems like the right thing to do. Can’t say enough about it.
Ok, we need to be winding down because it’s almost time to go. One note on the iPod … We’re not quite up to speed yet on the part where we hook it up to the “Me” program. We’ll work on it though … just need to do it at a time when we’ve got some stamina built up to handle it. Right now it’s on a 60 day membership so if it doesn’t work, we’ll cancel it. But, I think we have more probability of making it work within that time. Just got to remember not to panic.
Obsessions win over
Good morning. It’s me again. Like a springy thingy … I keep coming back – did you notice that? It’s now 8:15 am. Rich got up about 20-25 minutes ago. We’d crept into bed with him and did some good snuggling. He says we only snore a little bit right now and he said that was reassuring because it meant that we were comfy cozy.
Pshwoo. He sure is a charmer! Can’t tell you how scrumptious he feels when we warm ourselves against him. Just gives me the jitters to think of it.
He’s being a happy camper this morning, cuz he got a good start with a few smooches thrown in for good luck, and now he’s up having his coffee and watching his fishy show. PLUS, he’s taping another to watch tomorrow morning before his favorite fishing show. I think there are too many commercials, but other than that it seems ok, especially because I know my honey is happy. WhooHOO. He just came by and brushed his fingers under my ear … yep definitely the shivers.
He was up getting coffee and now he’s back to fishing. I told him about a movie I had gotten for him and he said that we need to get a new DVD … I guess his had broken. We can’t get the door to open. I think that Maury is supposed to come by sometime soon and hook up the thingy so we can download DVDs. That should help too. I just asked Rich if he could help me pick out movies because when I looked the other day they really weren’t good ones. I’d gotten some nature movies.
That reminded me that I could be watching the nature movie now while I got some time … I’m going to put it on the background and see if I can write while listening to it. I’d listened to the section on caves earlier, but then Rich was going to put it on the TV and that’s when we figured out the door was jammed – and, I hadn’t gotten back to it. We put on the ear phones so that we don’t bother Rich. It’s all kind of a cool system in the number of choices we have now days.
Cool, cool … elephants in the desserts pretty cool. Ok, focus … on what? Now camels. Trying to figure out what’s happening to the sound … I guess it’s ok, we’re just getting a little background music. I don’t understand why there aren’t any words. Eh, we’ll let it play and see what happens. Makes it probably easier to concentrate. Just frustrating thinking I’m missing something. Whoops … Rich caught us … He said are you watching camels poop?! Yikes that’s what was showing. But, for the record I wasn’t studying it! Yeeks!
Hmm, there must be something wrong … I’m getting music, but when I pushed subtitles there seems to be narration going on. I think this is not going to work - too frustrating having to look to get the information. I’m going to switch over to Rhapsody and find some music to listen to instead. One thing I can’t do is be frustrated on a perfectly good Saturday morning. Ok, that’s good … at least the music is working the way it is supposed to. The only problem is that by listening to music I’m disconnecting to Rich’s world. I guess I’ll have to hope that he comes by and nuzzles me … Hehehe life is good!
Hmm, now experimenting with music … right now we’re doing Enya. I think it’s Enya radio so there will be others that are being played with her songs direct. It should help me calm down. Just gotta get the volume right now. I can still hear Rich’s fishy stuff in the background … that’s not a bad deal. I know where he’s at. Wow. Am I ever going to settle down? Ok, worked through the volume issues. I think I’m good to go … let’s give some thought to something seriously now, k?
First thing I wanted to write about is the gym experience yesterday. Oh, and there was some work transition thing going on too. We had to clear out our office because the cleaners were coming by this morning and tomorrow … they do the floors once a year. So, it means that the entire center works at getting the place in order.
Everything is picked up and moved toward the hall or the side of the room closest to the door inside walls. The clients help too and basically, by two pm everything was moved so that there weren’t many places to sit down at the center. Even my office chairs were out in the hall. Because of it we asked and sister confirmed that staff could go home early because everything was turned around. We stayed and did Thinking Group, and then left … WOOHOO!
It was nice. I had a nice relaxing drive home and then watched some distressing stuff on the computer. Pretty much we gathered our updated version of Tropical storm Fay and news and catching up with email. The question on the way home and on into some of the stuff I was doing was if and when was I going to the gym. I decided that I really needed to go, but I thought through that there would be fewer people later Friday night and that I could eat and even take my medicine before going. I ran into a bit of dread in that I was going to have to leave the house.
That was cut down a little when I made the commitment to go in getting dressed. I figured at that point even if I weren’t able to get out the door that I’d made a progressive movement toward the goal.
Sweetie called about 6-7 pm. He asked me how it was going. He had his first football game yesterday and then he was going to grab a hamburger with the guys on his crew. He didn’t end up coming home until about 11 or 11:30 pm. That’s ok … I’d fallen asleep on the couch by then listening to a broadcast from the fitness channel on two families who were both in a commitment to lose weight. I’d surfed to get there, and had loved all the options that we had … it was one of those nights that everything seemed interesting.
But, getting back to the gym …
While I was home messing around the computer, I gave myself positive messages until I finally got to the point where I was looking forward to going out the door. I’d thought it through that this was MY gym and we were going because I wanted to take advantage of this privilege to have a gym. After I finally made the decision to go, it was pretty surreal. I traveled by driving of course, but the thing was like I was buzzed and had not driven a car for a long time. Maybe part of that was that it had been getting dark and I usually do not go out at that time of the day. I was so proud of myself for getting out on my own.
I like that there is a whole long row of handicap parking in front of the building.
I find that there are not many handicap making use of the gym. There were definitely people there, but I’d say that it was only about 1/5th full. That was sweet. I had my choice of long rows of tread mills. I picked one that wasn’t in front of anyone directly … secondarily, I found that it was relatively close to one of the TV’s … well actually they are grouped in banks of 3. There is some canned music going on in the background and the sound of people working and clanking and whirring machines, but in general I found the atmosphere very comforting even though I was still being mind buzzed.
After I’d gotten onto my tread mill – committed myself – I found that it was an older model than the one I had first been introduced to. I tried not to panic as I studied the screen … part of being at a gym is not looking completely like you are a newbie. That’s an important element in that … somewhere in there I realized that I was at a real gym and that my workout routines were going to depend on me. Wow. It felt like a lot of responsibility. I had to rely on my background of being a very long ago past athlete and then with some of the new machines that I had some experience with them from Woman’s Workout World. That seemed to help.
Another part was that I had to figure out where and what I was going to watch and how open I would be to people. I’m pretty much incredibly shy at this time. It seemed like quite a few people might say hi and chat with them a few moments between sets. So, I get the idea that some of these diehard regulars there on a Friday night had been there and made introductions after time gone by. There were one or two ladies who visually acknowledged me, but I found myself looking down or away … or even studying myself in their abundant mirrors. It wasn’t until later in the routines that I started watching people to see what they were doing on new machines that I wanted to try.
But, getting back to the first part of the experience I chose like shown in training the treadmill first. After I’d figured out how to get the gizmo to work, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it had a fan system that started automatically.
It gave me the sense that I was on ocean front property with a balmy breeze flowing over me. Yup … did I say I felt pretty buzzed? I started the machine on 1.6 and then upped it to 1.8 … that’s a normal size pace. Rich asked afterward the difference in that if there was a track why was I using a walking machine. But, beside that’s where a good majority of people work out … it’s that on a machine you get timed and paced AND as an extra bonus … it tells you how far you’ve gotten and your heart rate. I was glad there were so few machines that were broken. At WWW there were always like 4 or 5 of a valuable 20 or so machines down. Here I’d only seen one out of a huge bank of them. I will make an effort to count machines one of the next times I go. The advantage to walking though was something the trainer taught me in that … if you are using a machine there is some element of it doing work for you.
Beside the ball exercise where you put it between you and the wall, we let it roll down our back and that felt good, but otherwise we stuck pretty much to machines.
Maybe we’ll try out one of the next times doing the free weights for arm exercises, but I’m still intimidated by the step-up thing and the sit-ups … man those are a little too tough for me and I found ourselves the first time getting dizzy and unbalance on the steps and near impossible with the sit-ups to stand-up again after we’d sat down. So for those obvious reasons we’ll wait til we get stronger before considering them seriously.
On the tread mill … I was feeling pretty good and I’d started out thinking that I would like to do more than 5 minutes because I wasn’t feeling really phased out for it and I wanted to check my base level. I thought I’d go for 8 minutes, and then about 7 minutes, I’d know I’d go up to 10 minutes. I did it and wasn’t dying.
Maybe the next time I’ll take it up to 12 or go for 15 minutes. It’s a great ego buster to think I’ve gone from only being able to walk 3 minutes to being able to walk 10 or more minutes. And, in fact after I’d gone the 10, I walked up the double set of stairs and did two times around the track and then went right into completing the hour of exercise. In all I walked around the track 6 times … that equates to 38% of a mile. I didn’t do the track though all at once. I stopped every 2 times around. And, I forgot to get how far we walked on the treadmill though. Just so happy that we could do 10 minutes. Man it’s just amazing. What’s going to happen by the time I hit 137? I’m just 125 pounds away now. WooHOO!! This is happening. Poor Rich wants to take us out and we’re like not so excited because we think extra food extra weight. We want to get down there again. We’re down a pound from the last few days, but we were up from a low weight. Still need a pound to see 261 again. We’re trying though!
The other things I did after the treadmill besides the big ball and the walking were to test out a variety of machines. I worked for a little over an hour. And, I was feeling pretty good. There were only 1 or 2 machines that gave me way too much trouble. One of the machines I had to lift straight up like a barbell. I started it around 35 pounds which I’m looking at for arm movements and 50-60 pounds for leg. But, I ended up bringing it down to 15 pounds the minimum and at that I was still sweating it out. Each of the machines I did I tried to get in a count of 15, plus then I would do that twice. I probably did about 10-12 machines in total.
There was only one that I tried that I couldn’t figure out. Like I said, I started watching other people for clues. There will be some machines that look to awkward or painful to try yet. But, there are enough machines to keep it very interesting.
I’m still going to have to think through if I want to bring water or not … there are a couple of water faucets and that might work better than carrying it from machine to machine. It’s kind of a bother. I made peace with the small hand towel. I tucked it in my shorts. I’m not sure if that is happening for others, but it made it convenient for me without having to deal with it direct. It was long enough too that I didn’t have to untuck it to reach wiping down my face or upper head. Good deal.
Hmm, sneaky Rich just went by and turned off the air and opened the door. It’s ok for a bit, but it always makes me a bit nervous to getting over warm. I know that I can get up and start the air anytime, but most often I get way over heated before I think of it. But, it’s probably in the 70’s outside. I think it’s only supposed to get up to 84 today with a chance of rain.
Now I’m already starting to gear myself to going again. I am going to try swimming today, but I have to consider that I’m going to need shaving. I know that’s a kind of personal thing, but I’ve pretty much been against it for about 4-5 years now.
I’m not sure if I remember how and what all that involves. I am guessing it is something that’s going to be done in the shower. Ugh! I think it’s going to hurt.
Ok you – stop whimpering …
Hmm, Rich has just left … he’s bringing a load of clothes down stairs and he has three errands to make. Thinking post office, bank, and … hmm, what was the third?
Think he’s good on the library. Eh, we’ll have to ask later.
He had come to talk to us about 20 minutes ago … before his shower. Hmm, thinking if he’s out … it might be a good time to get that other evil deed out of the way.
Remember when we come back to mention our talk and about what we are going to be doing this weekend, Ok?
Ok, back … good lord this is taking awhile. I just bought something 2 months down the line. I know I’m getting too much, but all at one time I’m feeling like I can be connected and its making me go a little looney. Now the problem is that I want an IPod. It’s feeling pretty strong. Everything is like working toward that one thing, but it is $250 … pretty sure something isn’t going to get paid if I spend $250 on one. Rich is going to have a fit. I think too that I paid for the gym and got the extra services, but now I’m in the gym and going back and forth between one place and another. I have access with an IPod of connecting it to my car and getting books to read on it or podcasts or whatever … OR music … man I’m just being driven crazy. How am I going to do it? I asked Rich if he could get me an IPod and he said no and that we’ll talk about it in a couple of months. But, I’m like no … I gotta talk about it now. NOW! There’s always the thought of getting a nano IPod, but you know me … Nothing but the top of the line. I’m already missing out by not having an IPhone, but maybe those two devises are repeating services. I think I’m fine with the phone I’ve got. I like my phone service.
I wonder if Joe could take me somewhere to buy one today. We’re going to be having dinner with him today at 5:30 pm. I’m supposed to go to the gym today too, remember swimming? Can’t take an IPod to the swimming pool, right? We’ll be under water. I don’t know what to do … I’m going a little crazy, did I mention that already?
"1. How Far We've Come - Matchbox Twenty
2. I'll Believe You When - Matchbox Twenty
3. All Your Reasons - Matchbox Twenty
4. These Hard Times - Matchbox Twenty
5. If I Fall - Matchbox Twenty
6. Can't Let You Go - Matchbox Twenty
7. Long Day (Remastered Version) - Matchbox Twenty
8. Push (Remastered Version) - Matchbox Twenty
9. 3 am (Remastered Version) - Matchbox Twenty
10. Real World (Remastered Version) - Matchbox Twenty
11. Back 2 Good (Remastered Version) - Matchbox Twenty
12. Bent (Remastered Version) - Matchbox Twenty
13. If You're Gone (Remastered Version) - Matchbox Twenty
14. Mad Season (Remastered Version) - Matchbox Twenty
15. Disease (Remastered Version) - Matchbox Twenty
16. Unwell (Remastered Version) - Matchbox Twenty
17. Bright Lights (Remastered Version) - Matchbox Twenty"
Needed some help focussing on the day
Good morning. It’s me again. I’m putting off joining the few people here from the group for a little bit. I think it’s important for them to interact with one another on their own levels. They also need to get some time to be on the computers or whatever they want to do to start. In the meantime I can use the time to collect myself. I’m keeping an ear out for them, but need to take some time for me too.
We just read through our entry from earlier this morning and part of what is causing this vacancy of memory is that I haven’t had enough relaxation time where we can handle thinking about what was happening. It’s like that nagging toothache that is begging for relief. I thought of a few things I wanted to write about, but now they are slipping out of my reach. Let me try to focus.
Hmm, maybe not too much … now we got a couple more guys in from20the group, but they all seem excited to be with one another. I think we’re going to do … how was work and then write out the statements and have them type them up or write them, and then we’re going to work on a project I thought of yesterday in learning to use the ruler. I want them to build houses.
There I just did a diagram and I wrote out the words they would use to explain the rooms they draw with the rulers. Then I made copies. Before that though, we’ll talk about how their work week was. I’ve just talked to them a few moments and we got through the questions I knew one of the clients would ask. He always gets confused about dates when we have time off … and next week we’ll have four days off. He’s still going to be confused after I talk to him, but he’ll be calmed down for a bit.
I also stopped to talk to one of my clients in another room. The teacher came in complaining that he was a bit wound up. She had put him out in the hall. I told her that wasn’t a good idea, and that if she was going to do it she better tell Sister. She said sister did it before and we said it’s still not the right thing to do. I imagine then she got a hold of sister, because when I went past the room, he was back in the room with the others. He was drawing a picture of himself, so we talked to him for a bit. He seems ok. Just has a lot on his mind because his house is going to a casino where there will be gambling. And, then next week, he will go home for an overnight. He’s the one that lives in a group home.
I will have an hour to myself at noon, and then I will have to do Thinking Group.
We’ll think during that hour, what we’ll do with our hour for the group. They’ve already asked for confirmation that there will be Thinking Group, they like that idea. I think they’l l like in general when we have our meetings. I’ll go in the room in about 15 minutes. I can hear them talking and they are all getting along real well. There’s no friction and the discussion includes everyone. I told them to practice being adults left on their own.
Just made sure they got an extra chair … all nine of them are now here. They discuss their day among other things. They talk about their week also and who missed what … Pretty much it’s a time to catch up. There are now several conversations happening. I like the sound of what I’m hearing. I think its important that we don’t fill up every moment. Part of the beauty of coming in on a Friday is that they get to be with each other on a personal friendship basis. Hmm, just turned down the thermometer … All those bodies in a small room seem to make it warmer.&n bsp; I like the sound of them catching up with one another. It is harder to type now because I’m involved with listening to them. There is a little Spanish too so that part is hard to pick up.
Hmm, maybe I better go in for a bit. Just want to be with them.
Ok, back. They are in chapel now … I don’t usually have to go with them. I know the Father is here and it would be a nice idea. Just I need my free time when I can get it. I would like to think of what the others can be doing other than telling me what they have done with the week. I wonder if I could come up with something that more of them could be involved with. Let me think. What topic. Something that might interest them in addition to drawing the rooms? Could we piggyback the project one to another.
Maybe if we had the drawing first and talked second about what to put in the rooms.
Hmm, seems like I have enough catalogues to go around. Maybe we could make a large poster board and divide it in 9 spaces and add what each would like. Hmm, ok, that works. I got a poster board and divided in 9 and placed each of their names in a square. I found some glue and enough scissors for all as well. That should work nicely. Also because we’re short on space, I’m using Candice’s old desk for the part about gluing the pictures on. That will give enough space for about 3 at a time to come and add pictures in a different environment, plus give them a chance to look at the interests of others. It will be a collage event.
I think the first emphasis will be on housing for oneself. There’s a sense of drawing each of the separate=2 0interests and there’s something else about collectively gathering – such as neighbors on a block. I think that there are lines defining everything to be a good indicator of boundaries. Maybe though as they come in I will invite them to see the space on the empty desk and the square with their name on it so they can work toward that end goal. I might draw an example of rooms leading to rooms just to show them and label them correctly. I wish I could print out a diagram, but then they would just copy it instead of doing their own.
I’m worried already about the boxes we gave on the sheets. Hmm, I think we could cut them off and distribute at first, and then ask they be handed in before they start.
Ok, I liked that idea best … .so I cut the sheets in two. I don’t want any tracing or copying ideas. I also want them to use a larger sheet of paper. It’s always iffy who is going to follow directions, but that’s part of the testin g too. I know that after thinking group I will be analyzing for the chrononotes. Only 3 clients have empty space to fill, but I will use the extras for filling in next week’s sheets. That’s especially important because next week is a 4 day week as is the following week. Better get my information when I can.
Ok, that’s all resolved. Though it took up my time. They will be coming in in just a few moments. Time to breathe and take it easy. Want to be prepared to lead them into the other room before they get seated. Hmm, that and too the first project with the rooms only has 45 minutes and not an hour. It should be ok. It’s really hard to decide what they all should or could be doing with that many people in this small amount of space. I better have them clear the tables before we start and put the computers away. That’s going to take at least 10-12 minutes. I think we are going to put the extra housing designs on the back of the poster board in order of their names on the other side. No use wasting good background posters.
Anything else? Feel a little overwhelmed with dealing with so many people at once.
I know I can do it blindfolded, but it’s always hard on us because we have parts that don’t deal well and others that can entertain 50 people with comfort. Just its not my normal preference to want and do that.
Good good. The Father is still going on. I think they just got over with communion. I brought the pencils to be sharpened down at Rosa’s office. Her and Imelda were naturally chatting up a storm. The squeaky pencil sharpener put a stop to that. Sorry girls. I’m sure after I left they went back to talking. Cat’s away mouse will play deal.
Ok, found time. What do I do next? Got some water … Hmm, did I drink all of that?
Better get another bottle. I wonder if Rosa will put the new chrononotes out today for tomorrow … Maybe I’ll ask. Whoops here they come
Good good … now is my 15 minute break. They did great with the rooms. I think they all enjoyed doing it … about 3 people were really confused, but they got through the exercise too. There were difficulties in that a few had trouble imagining the boxes they were drawing as rooms. Like if one box was a bedroom the next box they wanted to make a stove. There was problem too with the words. One person copied all the words and another insisted she couldn’t pick out the words without approval. That person has trouble with that problem generically. I loved the one client – the top client in the room. He had a real concept that the largest room in the middle was going to be a theatre room. I just giggle to pieces about that sort of thing.
They all want you to see what they’ve done. You have to be very encouraging and find things that you especially like. It gives them a good sense of self-ownership to do an exercise like this - more toward self-determination in establishing their own order. It worked too having them come in to look at the frame their next work is going. They each took a turn and like the ownership of the last project they picked out their square. It seemed something that each of them wanted to do. You couldn’t have them look at the board without finding what’s “MINE.” I suppose that’s a human instinct to do? It’s a good question.
We should probably have a 5 minute discussion when they get back. I’m having one of the guys put the pictures up on the bulletin board, and that way they will be able to get a concept of the other’s space. Be a good thing to talk next week about boundaries and bringing this back to picture. We only had one guy who couldn’t understand that the rooms connected.
Woohoo while on break another group brought me a ceasar salad they made … Can’t go wrong with that. It has all sorts of things in it. Bet too that at least the tomatoes came from the garden … hmm, ok here they come
Ok, girl ... just breathe through it
Good morning. This is me. It’s Friday and we are up … but, not too early. It’s already 5:40 am. Rich got us up about 20 minutes ago, but then there is the stall in not getting up, feeding the kitties and making the coffee. Oh and weigh-in … we’ve been for like the last 3-4 days up to 263. Not sure what’s happening there, but we’re keeping our eye on it. Today should be a gym day. Ahh naked man just walked by on the way to his shower. That must be good luck!
Hmm, couldn’t resist that … I went and felt up my guy … hehehe he’s not letting me touch the important stuff – says it gets him going and he can’t go there so soon in the morning, but whoo he let me give him a good rub down anyway. We gave him goosebumpels!
Hmm, cat seems to have moved in when I lifted my glass to drink some grapefruit juice. What’s up with that? Meow factory, hmpf!
Hmm, gave him a good rub down too … so he laid down in our arms. Harder to type like this though *sigh*
So where are we now? Should probably mention something from work, but it’s not immediately coming to us – what we did. I did have a Dr. Marvin session and that’s kind of edging in close to my brain where its slightly irritating.
I had another encounter with his assistant Maureen. She’s terrible, but supposedly some reflection of feelings from having a mean mother. Every time I’m there, she comes out in the space I’m in and does something to irritate me. This time, she was out and took one moment while walking into Dr. Marvin’s office to wave at me, and then she came back out and shut his door I believe intentionally just to show some possessive ownership of him. The lady drives me nuts!
But, Dr. Marvin stayed in that space and then developed it in that he capitalized on our younger regressed state. I never know exactly what happens, kind of foggy like, but we do know that we took a whole hour plus a few moments to go through the next experience and we didn’t have time to even suggest anything else went on this week, except to share as an example of something he was saying in relaying to him that we’d joined the gym this week. We also likened to a stress relieve if we could get past the initial fears.
Hmm, just remembered a little of a dream from last night. Rich and I’d been married and we’d had 4 children with the first 3 being Maury, Thom and Joe. The youngest was about 3 years old and he was a discovery in my dreams as being a curious wanderer just like his older brothers. We were at some kind of waterpark in that there was some kind of thing and Joe got picked out to take part in something that involved a long water hose. And then later the long cruise like ship we were on turned out to be pulled into another boulevard type space and then there were other things going on – more like a traditional water park in that there were active things for the kids and even places that were serving food and beer.
I remember going up a stair/slide situation to find out what was happening to our fourth son and he was being entertaining and as an aside had a small juice size glass of beer. I’m not sure where that came in, but I remember thinking he couldn’t have it so even though he was in his moment, we talked to him while pouring out the beer and one other that was there. Behind came some kind of undercover police-type authority who must have been watching the beer going to a minor so dumping out the beer without realizing they were there turned out to be a good idea. I’m thinking now it had something to do with our feelings of late as being a good citizen, especially when out driving. I’m starting to sense police as not looking for me … and just sliding through their space on the streets as they pass.
The time with Dr. Marvin was harder though. Shoot … what happened? Maybe we’ll take our shower first and spend the time trying to recall. BRB
Ok, we’re back again. Rich is about to the point of being at the door. He’s just filling his coffee before leaving. We took our shower, did our that kind of time stuff and then talked to him for about 10 minutes. Well, actually someone was sneaking in some groping/kissing time. I don’t know what’s wrong with that person … like a love sick calf. We’re a mess!
Rich is going to go to his first football game of the season tonight so it will be a good time to hit the gym. We did talk to him of only going 3 times a week and so we don’t want him to be pushing us every day. Dr. Marvin says it’s better to have the lower expectation and to do more when we can, but otherwise we’ll set the expectations to high and then feel failure if we can’t meet them. Also, I want us to be directing whether we go or not and not Rich. His point was that we should take advantage of the gym on the nights he’s gone, but we explained we wanted to be in control of our gym dates and not be dependent on his being in or out of our vicinity. I think he heard what we’re saying though I don’t know if he understands it. We’re back then to familiar control type issues.
But, now getting back to the other stuff - we only have 10-15 minutes before getting dressed and going to work. Hmm, how do I explain what was happening yesterday with Dr. Marvin. I know that we were going through some kind of old stuff. What can I remember … think!
It’s not coming to me. But, I know that I was being checked out in the end for suicidal thoughts. We heard his questions and we tried to get past the part where we’d be in that space. I remember now something about being in the closet with our blanket pulled over our head. We we’re hiding from everything and felt safest in the closet. I don’t know why my parents ever stopped or questioned that. But, they didn’t. I think part of it was that as long as they knew we were in our bedroom, they didn’t have to bother checking in with me to see where or what I was doing. I don’t even know if they knew how much time I spent in my closet tucked behind the book shelves with a blanket over my head.
I don’t know why this became such a strong memory last night, but hopefully we’ll have some time over the weekend to figure all that out and more of what we’re now forgetting. We’re getting close to the time where we have to be leaving. I look forward to the drive to work. It’s a non-pressured time to be doing just driving and listening to the news. I don’t have to do anything, but stay safe. So, I’m all good with that.
Hmm, Rich came upstairs for a moment even though we though he was gone. He had lost one of his shoes and needed to check his baseball bag. He did fine the shoe and we snuck in an extra kiss … Woo HOO, that was a good deal!
We’re feeling a little worried in thinking that we don’t have enough time to go through our thoughts of yesterday with Dr. Marvin and thinking we’re going to forget everything … alongside of that over-burdened feeling that we have to be going in a few moments. I know I took our medicine, but just feeling anxiety about having to do whatever.
I think that we’ve got to get through a day with all the Leadership group. I’m not sure what we’ll do this morning. Haven’t given it a thought. Just know that I have the big group and then I will need to do the Thinking group. That’s a high performance day for me and I’m not sure where we’re going with it. Just now it feels tiresome. The only thing in my favor is that if I get through today … we’ll have a weekend. That will be a good deal. AND, then next week we’ll have a four day holiday. Because we have off on Friday and Monday. WooHOO! That’s a tremendous deal. I can’t tell you how much I am looking forward to some time off.
Just need a tremendous feeling of relief, because I’m feeling pretty put out now to be performing without any zip-energy. Just breathe right? I’ll get through it … Just one moment at a time.
