This day kinda crept by ... until he GOT HOME!!!
Good morning. It’s just me. We have an entry to post, but we’re having some trouble getting through on blogger this morning. The weather has been terrible here with rain and hail and such so we’re going to hold off on worrying over that for the moment and just continue on. It’s a little irritating though, because after you get your mind set on doing something … it becomes like the tooth pain and you just want to go over and over it trying to make it better. Be patient, right? The post is going to have a whole lot of pictures though … so just wait … it’s pretty cool!This morning we woke up early at 4:30 am to feed the kitties and then we ended up back in bed. Ahh, nothing like a Sunday morning for relaxation. When we woke up about 7:45 am there was this terrific thunderstorm going on. We couldn’t help but to worry over our baby. I hope the storm is missing Rich and his friends. I sure wouldn’t want him to be out in this kind of weather even if the fish bite better in the rain. Rich had figured though there would be rain this weekend. He stopped by the fishy store on Wednesday and got himself some new rain gear. I think he must have forgotten the old stuff somewhere, because he couldn’t find it … and he’d been planning on getting new stuff anyway, because the old stuff wasn’t so efficient. He said the pants he got this time were the kind with overall straps, so hopefully he won’t get rain dripped in. I hope they turn out ok.
The rain seems to have subsided a bit now. It’s pretty wet out there and we remembered too late that we’d forgotten our folding chair that shouldn’t be out in the rain. It’s got a cloth seat. Nothing to do about that now though. It’s going to need drying up on its own after this is all over. I sure hope the animals at the zoo are ok. Nobody wants to be out in rain like we’ve had.
Hmm, some time has gone by now … it’s about 9 am. We were doing some searching around – still on the frustrated side for not being able to pull up our blog. After putting 3 years into it and 2 before that … it makes a person a little queezy to think that it is not there or accessible. We also took a few moments to eat our cottage cheese. So far that’s been a good thing … it seems to stay down. We had a terrible time last night with food. We’d eaten some fish that Rich had gotten before he left. I don’t know what the problem was, but we lost dinner, and then kept losing ANYTHING that was there. We haven’t gone through that before – so we’re figuring the fish wasn’t good. I had microwaved it for 7 minutes and it appeared cooked, but I think fish might be a little funny.
We’re not going to take chances and try that again anytime soon. If it’s not fresh … hmm, well some kind of rule here … just don’t want to repeat the experience.
Enough said about that!
This morning we weighed in at 282.0 so it appears we’re losing some, but still not very much. We’re still in the range where there is a little competition between Rich and us. I was hoping the walking yesterday would help and it seems to have, and we’re thinking that Rich probably over ate while out with the guys. We don’t want him heavy, but we have waited a long time to get under his weight. He still has 6 inches on me though so it will be a while yet before we feel like we’re the smaller of the two. Little goals help though and that’s about where we are. Not sure about getting out today. The weather would have to turn nicer and we’d have to be less sore. Yesterday we really pushed it. We spent a couple hours at the zoo, though there were quite a few rest stops in between the walking … we are discovering we can get about a block to a block and a half, before sitting down. We went around this area
It was a pretty huge area to cover. I recall thinking as I was walking that long straight stretch past the camels, bison and zebras that it sure was nice to have a path that was so flat. WOO HOO!! Hard to make it up and down hills, though at some time I might appreciate that more. Just not yet. Hmm, I was just thinking … if I wasn’t going to make it to the zoo today, I wonder if I could try the tread mill.
It’s been a long time, but we’re working toward weights where that might become more possible if the machine held out … I don’t want to get my hopes up and find out that it isn’t … and we knew that it cost about 300 to get the new track it needs. Don’t think we’re going to be doing that anytime soon. I don’t think we could prove it to Rich or ourselves that we would be using it so much to cover the expense. It’s sat for quite some time.
Pshwoo. I got up and did some walking anyway!!! I think I went about 6-7 minutes.
The meters weren’t working … so next time we’re going to need timing ourselves with the timer or kitchen clock. I think we could have gone further, but there was a pinching feeling coming from the outside part of my left thigh. I think this would be good if we could get back into the walking. The apartment is air conditioned and so the temperature is great. The way the machine is situated in the back bedroom, it faces The kitchen cooking area where Rich hangs out. That would be a good idea to do it while he’s cooking and again sometime early in the morning. It would really get me in shape so for the weekends or when were with Rich we could walk a little longer. The whole walking thing is a win-win situation. And, now that we’re on the lighter side of the last 55 pounds … it really be a good idea to start again. I don’t want to make big plans though … just want to see how we can get started. Too many ideas or plans might get us too intimidated. We would like to do something though. And >>> the opportunity is here in our own back house. Ok, nuff for now. Better move on.
Hmm, should we remember to get some water too? Yah that be a good idea … remember we got our nifty neato thing. Might want to add some ice cubes, Hmm? Ok, that is done … good deal. Best not to get into the bad drinks. Not that juice is bad, but it has calories and that part isn’t real helpful. As to the vitamins, we take enough of them to say that we don’t have to be eating particular food to get it. We have though been negligent with the protein. I’m thinking that maybe we should fix ourselves a protein drink later this afternoon. Wouldn’t do us any harm. Maybe we can add a yogurt to it. Better check the date though … not sure how long they’ve been in the fridge. Hmm, I wonder what would happen if we added a pudding cup.
That might be worth a try? Pudding goes with milk and the powder protein mix is cookies and cream … so we’re thinking it make a nice blended drink and taste. I think we’re going to try that. We’re using the magic bullet because it does so good at making One drink at a time. We’re too close to the pudding to try it now. Hmm, we could do the protein drink for lunch in a couple hours. Let’s try that. I think the pudding is about 60 calories and the drink mix is 90 calories and then about 50 – 70 calories worth of skim milk. That put things at about 200-220 … That works for me. Save up on the slim fast optima drinks too.
Ok, what’s next? We’re still having trouble with getting onto blogger. We found that other addresses work, so we’re figuring we’ll just have to wait til blogger fixes itself. I’m satisfied that it isn’t my equipment. Maybe there server is down.
Hmm. Before we leave this area entirely … is there anything we’d like to say about yesterday, or yesterday at the zoo? I do think that there were a lot of people at the zoo. AND, many situations that involved people not handling their children well. From swats, to grab and pulls, to neglect of children’s emotional needs.
There were plenty of other situations where the kids were doing much better, but if you want a situation of poor parenting … you can find it in a zoo crowd. I seemed overly sensitive to the sound of crying yesterday. It seemed like a lot of the animals, particularly bears and big cats were not out in the viewing area, so crying was a lot more noticeable without other distractions. I think a lot of these parents WERE watching what others might think, but they weren’t doing very much that was impressive. It seemed in those situations the kids were in agony and distraught. They had all the noise, smells and crowds of being out in public and parents who just didn’t know how to deal with them, putting them then in isolation … What do kids do when no one seems to be actively caring? I don’t know the correct barometer on this, but if there were kids who were going to break loose and cut-up … these would be the kids. They had to do something to make the situation more tolerable. I think here the statement fright or flight … takes affect. Just feel real sorry for them and it gives us a personal sense of panic in thinking what all those years of being tormented was like. My parents never took us to the zoo – we learned about that from school, but we did go to events like the company party for CLARK gas station and we went to the MN State fair each year. Best situation was to grow up and start moving independent of the folks. Can’t count the millions of times my mother whispered in disdain ANN MARIE!!!! It wasn’t ever said in a way that became comfortable. Hearing my name was synonymous with bitch runneth over.
Ok, not sure I wanted to go through all that. But, I guess it is to be expected … We weren’t mentally in a place where we could just let that go. We’re going to try doing that now though, because I don’t want to be in a negative state of mind.
Wouldn’t do anything to help anybody now. We should say one more thing about negativity. We were in a very bad place with Dr. Marvin on Thursday. We were so negative that we couldn’t see straight – or talk in more than forced sentences – one at a time. I remember a sense of thinking let Dr. Marvin work for his dollars.
But, we’ve been worrying since that he’ll think poorly of us and that we’ve ruined any chance to be comfortable with him – him knowing how terrible we can be. I think there was more point to be made in that we were conscientiously aware of our negativity and didn’t do much to resolve it. We did continue talking to him and answering questions, but we really gave him a terrible time. I’m not sure why it came about – though if I were to guess I’d still go with the abandonment issues. We knew we were going home to an empty house and weekend without Rich and Dr. Marvin had not been there for us the week before while in San Diego. We seemed to do very good with Rich, though meals were sometimes a struggle. There were times when we were so hungry we could eat a horse, but we weren’t able to keep a lot of it down, which was making us very cranky. If anyone would have looked at our face, they would have seen we were no bigger than 7-11 years old. Bad situation.
We try not to let Rich get affected by our less spectacular behaviors, but he seems to be embroiled in the middle of it. He keeps insisting that we do what’s right in eating less, but better and about then – we didn’t want to give him much of a break either. There was one time I am thinking he got us jello. We figured it wasn’t diet jello and in the middle of it there was whip cream. Who wants jello when the guy next to you is taking down jambalaya? It just didn’t cut it. But, by then it was purchased and so not much to be done. We ate the top row of cubed pieces and then went straight for the whip cream. We knew that nothing was staying down proper … so it didn’t seem to matter what we ate – it wasn’t happening. It had smelled so good though coming into the eating area – it was an open bbq pit. Everyone’s eating bbq and we’re at jello?? Man that’s just wrong.
Ok, you … stop whimpering and complaining! You know what the score is. Your now an eating lightweight and that has to be respected, because its not going to be getting any better. This was one of the major points of doing the surgery. We haven’t been able to be in an eating situation where our desires are less than our safety. I think this is just a stage that we have to be going over … and more than likely it is going to take a long time before we can let sink in … that our mind is not our best eating friend. Once it changes to respect – that food is really for the most part wiped out as a pleasure the better things will get. We’re still though thinking if we can only get it down fast enough … it will be ok. Plus the fact that losing it can be a pressure on itself. There is nothing pleasurable about that situation. Plus, we’ve got Rich on our tail reminding us how close to anorexic/bulimic the situation is. There’s nothing romantic about it. We have experienced the feeling that oh well – what happens if we do lose it? At least we were satisfied when it first went down. If we get to believing that’s a fair situation to ANYTHING … then we will have put ourselves in a very precarious position. BUT, instead of being able to talk to Dr. Marvin about any of this. We just got a little crazy. That level of saying I don’t care WHAT happens, was evident in being with Dr. Marvin and our relationship with him. Afterward as now … we sense some desolation with it. We don’t like the person we’ve been lately and the shame is terrible.
I don’t need anyone right now telling me that we’re not doing well. No more ANN MARIE!!! I know that I have to trust Dr. Marvin that he is going to stay in the “game.” But, even that would be fighting a losing battle in that I cross over and think what would it take for the family to get rid of us. EVEN though it is our place whether they liked it or not – that I was a part of the family. I think my mother liked the ideal of having a daughter – but, knew absolutely nothing in how to relate to her, other than through shame. DAMN! We’re back here again! Why the hell do we keep going backward like this?
See this is one of the reasons that I knew that we were going to have to start being more realistic – and in part that meant facing up to our blogging and all that missing it has affected. We’ve worked so hard over the last three months being the person we wanted and we wanted others to want in “taking care” of the Thom situation. Those kind of pressures are off of us directly right now.
Hmm, ok, well I’m back. It’s about quarter after 5 right now and Rich is due back any second. I lost the day somehow. The last thing I remember is that we were reading information about an on-line business course that might be free to people with disabilities. It was pretty comprehensive. But then Sweetie called and we rushed to get caught up. We needed to take our shower and fold some clothes and pick-up in the kitchen. Nothing was real bad, but I didn’t want to scare Rich when he came in. He said he is going to stop by and get some chicken from Popeyes or something like that. He must have a taste, because we only go there about once every 2-3 years. So as you can imagine knowin that sweetie almost here … we’re going at about a million miles per second. He said too that his next fishing trip is going to be in Canada. I’m sure the guys were talking about that. He also said that he didn’t catch any fish, but that his partner did ok. I think Rich is going to be here for my birthday July 18th, but he’s going to be gone on the 4th of July.
Maybe he leaves June 30th, or something close to that. That’s going to be a very hard week.
I actually got through today pretty good. It helped to get interested in something though it was frustrating toward the end, because I wanted to get more into their program then they would allow. They tell you what the courses are and stuff about them, but its not like taking the class and just running with it. They have a library called 24-7, which is a part of their sales program. You can imagine that got me to thinking. Hmm, think I’m going to get going though. I’ll post so I’m ready for Rich when he comes in. 5:30 pm is pretty early by fishing standards
WOOHOOO!!!!
posted by Ann Marie @ 6/15/2008 05:37:00 PM
Comments: 1
