It's a Thom Day
Good morning … It’s 7:45 am now … I’ve been in a chat room for about 45 minutes. Yup, yup got my support group. It’s a nice one too … it’s at ObesityHelp.com. At this time of the morning there are about 12-14 people up and talking. Wow. I say something or welcome someone now and again, but pretty much just listening at this point, because conversation is going by so fast. Ahh last half hour and they are talking about food for first time. I’m trying to figure out how everything works.A lot of these people have lost serious weight anywhere inbetween 100-200 pounds. I guess it’s a trick to get enough protein.
Ok, we’re into like 15 minutes later … looks like I’m not very productive when watching the other screen scroll past. I tried reversing them so I could read the other better while still typing. I’m not thinking that is going to help the concentration, but it’s so nice to meet a friendly group that are all in the process of the surgery either pre- or post- they say. Hmm, you have to minimize that screen or you lose the room screen … just found out you can’t close it. They are talking about cop stuff now. I’m going to try learning how to do both conversation and writing. I like a very much a lot that they are here and seem like just good normal folks. No cutting edge youth running around sexing or f(*&) everyone. Did I ever tell you of the years I spent in the chat rooms – probably did, but basically, we were in rooms for either abuse survivors or multiples … which is pretty much the same thing.
I remember living for it almost … I know general room etiquette and have lead groups before, but I would rather share the task with someone else. My favorite was with a friend named Pat. But, we won’t go into that right now. Just I loved the pieces out of her …
Yeeks now it is 8:30 am and I just seen Sweetie Pie walk past. I think we left enough coffee.
Hmm, now it’s 9:30 am. We were just up straightening the living room with Sweetie Pie. Now he is doing the fuzzy places on the kitchen floor and I’m emptying dishwasher, but we had to sit between times. Just gotta rest a few moments. I wonder if we could work with Sweetie on the kitty litter. There’s not too much more to cleaning up … would like to take care of some stuff though in kitchen. I would like to clean up kitchen counter, table, and change dishes for kitty food. Maybe straighten a little on the computer table and coffee table too. Hmm, though in a few moments. We left the Room too … that’s probably good for general progress, but in the long run I really want to be connected to that space. People seem pretty nice and supportive. And, I think it will be good to understand what goes on and what we have to look forward to. I think the overriding feeling is the Op Day (operation) is the first day of the rest of your life. There have been a few saying they are stuck on a weight, or are having problems staying attune, but for the most part people who are successful are (excuse the pun) weighing in, and it’s good stuff.
We’re trying not to think of Thom coming too much because we’re a little nervous about it. He says he’s going to call when he’s about ready to leave … so that gives me 20-30 minutes warning. But, we can be getting ready now. Pretty soon, maybe after emptying the dishwasher, we’ll take our shower and get dressed. Not quite ready yet though. Hmm, but I have to use the washroom … be a good segue. Hmm?
Ok, girl let’s go do this. K?
Hmm. Now its 10 am. We’ve gotten some stuff done like dishes, shower, table tops and we’ve gotten dressed … at least mostly. We still need to do shoes. Rich decided to go over the floors with a wet mop and he did a quick vacuum in the living room. I did the washroom before my shower. At least mostly. I think it’s a big deal when any of the kids come by.
I’m still pretty excited … someone in the room said tomorrow is the National Veteran’s day … so I really think we have an extra day off. I sent an email to sister, but if she doesn’t get back to me, we’re going to figure that we got a day off, because we usually get those days. Usually, I pick up something from the staff when they are talking about a long weekend. That didn’t happen this time. Heaven forbid that I look at a calendar. We get one from Rosa the secretary each month, and usually I just tuck it away. Feeling pretty good now though.
I’m not sure what all I will talk to Thom about … I will, of course, ask him how he is doing and such. There will be work, school, etc. Maybe we could talk to him about exercising, which I know he’s doing more of now, and getting the new car, and about the computer games. It is such a treat to be seeing him, and to be doing it on his own is pretty bold. I think that is the way it will happen unless something happens and he brings Joe along. I didn’t want to suggest that, because he hadn’t and there is that chance of getting him by himself. I’m just stunned he’ll be here. I would want to ask him if we could see him more often, but maybe it was my fault for not inviting him sooner.
I’m glad Rich and us got the laundry done yesterday so we don’t have to worry about that today. Rich is so excellent though on taking care of things. I can smell some good squirty stuff that he is using now – like lemons – probably on the floor. I just don’t know what I would do without him. I surely, surely want to live with him the rest of a long life. He was talking about other kinds of ways to lose weight this morning, and I said, ok … you try those methods and I’ll try mine and we’ll see how things go. There is a whole lot to learn yet. I think we’ve got to get rid of the candy bars to get a fair start on pre-op weight. I will have to fully indulge myself in the positive support that we all “Inside” remember that we are working on something together. I’m so proud of these people I barely know for losing the weight. I like the idea too of making new friends. Some of the people we are meeting have done the surgery like 4-6 years ago and are still in the group supporting others. Considering there are millions of people that are overweight … probably less of them that do the surgery, but just a couple handfuls at a time that show up in this room … it is actually a small group. I think they probably get around by word of mouth in introducing themselves to new people. I was looking hard for a group and had added to the address bar “bariatric surgery support” and found them 3-4 down on the list through an obscure link. But, it is a nice group of people – and so many regulars that they are secure in saying hi to newbies.
I’m feeling drawn to them, but I know that I also want to get writing done.
Hmm, I just did the litter box for Sweetie so he can wash the floor. I swept, but not good enough cuz he did some more ... and now It’s getting clean! And, there is a bottle of cleaner smelling stuff just for that bad area. Our goal is to have it at least liveable. The front door is open and mopping the floor should help a lot.
I know Sweetie feels better after he gets something physical done, but for me … I just look at him in awe and think oh man how lucky I am. Hehehe I just told him that and he said, he couldn’t believe it either. The other day, we asked him if he does more household now or before living at his old house. He said it was about equal … then he admitted that his wife had a housekeeper come in once a month to do bathrooms and floors. But, he also admitted that I fold his underwear, so it’s about a draw. Silly Rich. I don’t know if he’s still paying for a maid for his wife, but it seems like they might want to pare down. He said she costs $100 a shot.
*Sigh* Leave it alone, right?
Ok, yes dear.
Thom is coming, Thom is coming SOON! I sure hope he enjoys his visit. I love that kid to pieces even with all the long doses of separation. I don’t know if he will come out for the holidays, but we will plan for that too. At least we’ll ask.
Shoot, have to think of something else. We’re obsessing … Maybe our Sweetie is going to give us something else to do to. I’m thinking of those few Crystal dishes on the top of the counter, but maybe I’ll just put them in the back closet. Hmm, we’ll sneak do it when Sweetie isn’t looking. But, for now the floor is still wet.
Ok, where next. We’re only up to page 3 and haven’t said much significant … BUT, it is a good idea to be cleaning house, AND it is a good idea to be conscious of weight. It’s kept me from going back to get an extra helping of cereal. Yes, that has been a thought. *Sigh*
I think Sweetie is finishing up. He’s already moved his computer, so I’m not sure what he is going to do next. I think its pretty much taken care of. We just talked to him again … I asked are we finished and he said WE … so I had to remind him of all that I did. Hehehe I know he’s the powerhouse.
Hmm, we just talked again. He was going through his list … so he brought down the garbage and he’s going to bring up the kitty litter … that’s a good deal for the cats! I hope they use it before Thom gets here, because they will hide during the time he’s here. I don’t think they will remember him. THEN, it’s almost done. I think Rich means to feed the plants that came inside plant food. They are still very beautiful with big full purple flowers. The curtains are open in an upside down “V” shape it really looks nice. Rich brought the white kitchen step stool and covered the flat surfaces with small green hand towels and the plants are on top of that. He’s very proud they’ve stayed so pretty all summer. He talked about winter spiders and pollinating, so we are prepared not to kill spiders, cuz we like the flowers. He said he has a plant stand from home he’s going to bring over and that if something happens to these flowers – he will get others. I think the flowers helped him get past not having a garden. I hope next year he fills up the deck with even MORE flowers. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to get some artificial green plants for some of the top of the book shelves.
Ok, we’re moving on it’s now about 11:20 am. Rich is in the shower and we’ve got FOOTBALL on! But, I dropped the flowers when I put back the chair by the table. I also moved the screen so we could see out the full clean window. It looks beautiful, cept where we dropped something. We’ll tell Rich what we did when he gets out of the shower. He’s going to fix things with plant food anyway. I think we’re going to see Wisconsin against Minnesota, then Chicago against Oakland Raiders, and then maybe Indianapolis against San Diego … then it will be about 9-10 hours later and we’ll have to go to bed. We turned it onto Fox and then at about 6:30 pm, we’ll turn it to NBC. Just gotta remember it.
HMM, a naked Rich – he asked if he could throw out something in the bathroom and we said yes. We told him we dropped the flower (just a little) on the carpet. But, he was naked … he just gave us that knowing look, like we knew we did something a little bad, but not a lotta bad. I feel bad though because we had been done cleaning.
You know what though? Beside the flower mess our house really looks pretty good.
It looks and sounds ready for a guest. The only bad thing is that it doesn’t smell
like apple pie. That would have been nice too. I wonder - no I don’t think we have an apple pie smelling candle. Maybe a vanilla one? Let me check. Hmm
Shaking a bit … 11:36 am, but needed to eat something. I don’t want a full lunch, so we got another bowl of cereal. Sweetie vacuumed and got dressed, but I don’t know what he’s doing now. It seems like the floor, but he’s done with that already. Ahh, he’s making a sandwich. I don’t know about making slushies. I know that Thom doesn’t drink. Ahh, Rich is eating.
Yeeks. Now Rich is done, we’re both in shoes and Thom has called. He said that he was going to take a shower and then head over. While we were making arrangements the other day, he asked if I lived at the same place. He really doesn’t know much about me, or us. He does know that rich lives here. Rich is almost ready to leave and its noon. Just so much excitement. Rich is going to look at a shower thing for his old house, and then he’s going to watch the Bears game at 3:15 pm at his friend Jack’s place. I think Doug and maybe a few others will be there too. The timing of both are plans are in order. He’s also left me with about $60 in case I can treat.
I don’t know where Thom is at with that stuff.
Hmm, Rich talked to Doug now and says that I should wake him up in 15 minutes. He says Doug isn’t going until 4 pm after he closes his shoe store. I guess that’s not missing like all the game. I don’t think its more than the three now. I don’t remember if Jack is married. Rich just said he isn’t in the inner circle and that he knows maybe that they are divorcing, but maybe not about knowing that I’m here.
*Sigh*
Oh man … we took off the sheets at the back of the couch so there is an abundance of green mossy green, and then there’s the map, and then there’s sleepy Rich … he’s wearing his forest green shirt and pants. They all melt together and are almost eatable. It just all goes together, and did I mention that THOM is coming!!! I hope that Thom leaves the football on … I feel better with it. Maybe he could be on the computer if he gets too nervous. Usually, he paces a bit before settling. I’m going to jump all over him. Calllllm down girl. He sounded though equally excited he said, “I’m going to jump in the shower and then I’ll be there.” We had told him he could come anytime. Oh man – so excited.
I’m not sure about Rich’s napping … I thought the rules were that you’d have to watch a little football before you could fall asleep. Don’t they have to stay up a little?
Hmm, decided to put up my hair … I don’t want to look overly scrappy. He’s going to see how big we are. We can’t cover that up. Breathe. It’s going to be ok girl, right? Be calm. Hmm, starting to tune into the game … about 10 minutes in, but now score. Baby face looks so adorable. We have to stop ourselves from just wanting to watch him to pieces. He’s only got 3 minutes … he looks so comfortable. Gotta remember the crowd sounds come from Green Bay. I don’t know for sure where the cats are … I’m not sure if they used the washroom yet. Ok, am I like overly nervous.
How long? Shoot … I think it’s been about a year since we saw Thom. Last Thanksgiving. That’s a good reason to be a little nervous, right?
OK, ok … we need to calm down and think something serious, because we are going to need being in a different place when he gets here. We’re going to be ok, shhhhhh.
That’s enough now, k? $1 to the first one that can think of a real topic!
Did we mention we probably are off tomorrow? Ohhh, that’s right, I forgot Sr. won’t be coming home maybe until tomorrow. Wow. Rich left. That’s kinda a shock. Just heard the door shut. He left me with a smooch.
Hmm, just took care of that. Turns out I couldn’t find any hand-out menus, but I found the Italian and Chinese restaurant … most likely he’ll eat one of those and they are both delivering right now. Good, good. I had to find the Chinese one by remembering the last part of the number is 1919. That’s not easy because there is so many of them. Thinking now, I don’t have anything to offer him to drink. No real bottled water, or no pop. Maybe he’ll take the lemonade? He’ll probably say he doesn’t need any, but will order with lunch. He’s definitely like a minimalist.
Are you getting tired of this rambling? I know, I know … we’re possessed. I’m Thom’s mother and I’m going to act normal. Jesus Christ you’re a multiple there is no normal!!!!! Shhhh, we’ll have none of that. We don’t want to startle him, remember? Maybe Thom will be more friendly now days, because there aren’t girls.
He’d gone out with the last one for years, and I never got to meet her. Maybe they are back together again? Not sure. Wow, there sure is a lot of catching up to do.
He’ll probably be talking to me while face turned toward the screen and I’ll have to wait for his responses. I gotta be ready to take it easy. I’m so exuberant. I look forward to seeing his car. Maury seems to think it’s pretty cool although he can’t drive it, because it’s a stick. I looked and it seems we’ve got a couple open spots in front of our place for him to park. I hope they stay open.
Packers 7 and Vikings nothing. Ok, that was your complete update. I wish there was something I could give him to take home with him. Just don’t know what I have he would take. I’m not so sure I’d ever give up a picture, and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t ask. We’ve got little kid pictures – big ones of all three boys over the computer screens. I hope he can order from a Chinese place without looking at the menu. Maybe there was a menu on one of the pictured things in the yellow pages. I know that Papa John’s has a full menu in there. I think – well, I know Thom used to like Thin Cheese pizza. Maybe we could get two medium and I could get my veggies?
Still rather go for Chinese.
Ok, is there anything we shouldn’t talk about. I think we talk about something in our life only if he asks. I do remember saying happy birthday to him … so that was like twice in one year. Pretty good. But, not since April. I can’t believe he is coming over. This seems like one of the best things in the world. I would like Maury and Joe to come over too, but I don’t like the idea of kicking Rich out, though he always seems to have weekend things to do. Ok, we shouldn’t probably whine about how much time he doesn’t spend with us. AND, probably not a good idea to cry.
Ok, what about talking of something else? We think that tomorrow Rich has to work, because JVS doesn’t take off the same holidays, we’re counting on not being there tomorrow. I would like to dig into those Qnotes of Candice’s and finish them up, but they are going mostly back to February … so maybe too many. If Rich works most the day maybe we could shoot for finishing 2-3 notes. I know I have to get Noah’s done, because his is next. I think its scheduled for Friday. Sister Theresa will be back by Tuesday and we’ll have to figure out where all that is at. I don’t think we will say much about the week. I would like to say that we just “handled it.”
That was her goal for us, right?
It would be ideal if we could set for our goal to get the 5 sets of Qnotes and the last 3 annuals off my perch. I also have to register Theresa for being a DSP … she finished the week before, but I hesitated, because there is a paper that needs to be signed by Sr. Theresa. I don’t feel very connected right now to anybody back at work. I don’t know how long Candice stayed, I wouldn’t trust her for working the complete amount of hours she states. But, I don’t have to worry over that … it’s not part of my agenda items. I’m to teach not govern.
I should probably think of something healthy to tell Sr. Theresa. Maybe I can start those Qnotes after Thom leaves, or later after Rich gets back and we’ve got football in the background. It be nice to tell her we are finished … we’ve also got to get into the mind track of being in the rooms. I would really like to set it up so I could get in 8-10 hours a week, but sister might only be thinking 2-4 hours a week.
I don’t know where the time would come from, but maybe is possible until … Oh my God Thom is here … His car is absolutely beautiful!!!
I didn't get an actual picture, but it is this car and color - candy red w/the double thick black stripes down the center.
Ok, ok … we’re back … It’s now 3:15 pm.
Well now it’s actually 3:45 pm. It took us a half hour to stop staring at the dozen or so pictures that Thom left on our computer. I can’t believe it, but this is my grandson. He’s 8 years old now, and I haven’t seen him since he was 1 ½ years old.
He is so incredibly beautiful. And, then in the second one we have a picture of him with his father – my son Thom. He went out trick-or-treating with him. I don’t think he had seen him for a long time either.
I guess my grandson Austin was very honest with Thom. He asked him why he’d been gone for so long. It’s the kinda thing that could explode one’s mind if thought too deeply about. Thom … wow Thom. I’ve been with Thom and loved it … every single single sentence. He did most the talking as would be expected. He seemed to want to tell me things about how he was doing and I had to feel bad about how depressed he was feeling. I’m glad that he was saying it out loud. He looks a lot to his relationship with his girl. I think it been two years, but he said he had to get out of the environment he was in and he asked her to go with him and she chose to stay … most likely because of the security. He said that she said she’d left her mom before, and this time she wasn’t going to.
There’s a lot of other things, but I need to keep most of Thom’s place private.
He’s in general in the process of changing jobs over the next month. He will be going then to work with his Uncle Chris and his brother Maury. I hope that is a good thing for him. Being “single” as he states is very hard on him. He talked about wanting to have a long lasting relationship with a girl. He’s hurting and I don’t know how to help him. I hope that this month gets over fast, because it means a difference to him. He said as to us being around each other, he would see how it goes. He has to get through this month. We’ll try to keep that in mind.
I don’t know what I can say without being invasive. I could say as to my perspective I heard the pushing and waning of his voice and I felt so connected to what he was saying. I could understand I thought everything he was saying, but I don’t know the depth of his feelings – I can know he is struggling, but to me, he’s so perfect that I couldn’t find a space that wouldn’t want to hold him tight. But, I got to let him do it his way. I offered to be around and I also offered him a place, if he did decide to break away. It was hard on him because of the imperfections of others. He doesn’t seem to understand why others don’t do as he says – when he knows how correct he is. To me, Thom is struggling to be known, but has problems with boundaries. He doesn’t like to be penned in though if given a choice he would rather stay at home with a girl who loved him for himself than be out making the scene. I think too that the girl is thinking of going to the CIA and she would need to live out East for a couple of years. Thom wouldn’t do that.
I feel very good that he still considers himself very close to his brothers. I think he tried to lead others, but again … he says they don’t listen to what they have to do. I think like his father it stuns him that others have other opinions.
But, as I saw him put together his guild of 40 and the moves it must make, how incredibly important it was that the team moved under one heart. Man that’s something this kid has. He has this incredible heart. He cares so much, but feels the negative aspects as well. I think he is lonely. That’s something that Joe seems to feel also. I don’t think that their positions cover the void they each are feeling.
Ahh, we called Maury … just talked for a minute. I told him that Thom had come over and that it was incredible. I also told him whether or not he’d come back soon would depend on how work was going. He understands that naturally. I said pretty much … that’s all he had made me happy and left pictures of Austin. Maury was cool, cool. And, then we left him get back to the game. I knew he was watching that, and most likely he was seeing it with his dad, though it sounded like the kids were there too. No doubt most Sundays he goes over to his dads. I have to imagine that that’s ok, because it seems to be what Maury needs. It pleases me that he will hold a separate relationship to me. I so look forward to the day that Rich and us can invite them over for a casual dinner and he can see how wonderful they are. I think he already knows that, but its different in real life. I can think that Ame will ask him if he’s her grandfather. I think that would be perfectly fine. Better now when she’s young and doesn’t think Gramma having a boyfriend is so off-hand. I think she might know there is something, because she saw pictures of him.
That will be put together over time. But, her other grandparents are doubles. Maybe one day we’ll be like that too. And, I will watch Rich incredibly spoil her. Just because his hearts so sweet. With Austin … we’ll have to wait until he’s left his mother’s house, or when he is capable of driving on his own and may want to meet us. I hope by then – like Riches kids that we are skinny by then.
I want to be someone not so broken down.
But as to Thom … I could listen to him for hours. I was surprised in that he came in looked around and then walked to the TV and he turned it down. He still needed the visual to space out now and again, but usually it wasn’t any longer than a football play. He and I talked as if we were never separated. I did say something toward the very beginning that I would try not to cry. It’s so true. I wish he held more weight though he’s so skinny … I think he’ll break. Ok, so next we have to be the strong mom-type so his thoughts whatever he has in mind can be heard here. I think he’s capable of doing it, but I don’t think he handles this kind of hard stuff every day. I want him to know that each time he visits us … he has our undivided attention. I think he needs to talk a lot and he said that he was someone much more into the conversation.
For little bits of time, we talked about how Rich and us held certain situations.
Like after complaining about his brother and Bob leaving things around – or I had heard eaten his chips, I talked about giving each other space. I told him Rich liked to be out and I liked to be in, so we worked at letting him go without feeding him guilt for “leaving us.” We cow-pie it somewhat, but we know deeply we always got to let him go, and given that he’ll come back. I don’t think we always knew that. There was practical stuff too, like how we broke up the tasks. I told him about me cleaning surface stuff where Rich did floors. He did the cooking and left the dishes pretty much for me, though times we are not fast enough for him and he does it himself. I’d forgotten the one where we will mix the drinks. I told him when he complained of TV’s being played over each other in the living room that Rich would usually turn on the TV and do his laptop on the small table, and I would have my big computer and use the earphones. We also talked about the division in bed. I don’t know why I feel obligated to tell Thom or any of the boys, but they know that I sleep in the living room and Rich is separate in the bedroom, though there certainly were times we’d visit him. Thom asked if that was ok for me … sleeping out here. We pointed to the machine and said that it helps us breathe and the sleeping part has never been better.
We also told him about the washer and dryer situation. Thom didn’t think it might be such a big deal going down the stairs, but we told him it was very hard on us, because it meant about 15 trips back and forth each week. We also told him that although Rich was capable of doing it that we didn’t like it that I couldn’t do it myself. I told him what we told the landlord. If something were to happen to Rich, I could order from Peapod again, but if something were to happen to him, I couldn’t take care of the laundry on my own, so I wanted that independence now. I also told him it would even out our chores better, because with cleaning, cooking and carrying loads up and down, Rich was certainly doing more than his fair share.
I also told him about the surgery. He didn’t know much of that, but he asked a few questions and I tried to explain my best, under my limited knowledge. I don’t remember if I told him it would take 6-8 months. I told him I felt desperate of my weight. He thought just of the parts about me that weren’t connected to what I eat, but we told him the bottom line is that I was eating more than I was exercising out. My body situation made eating food more difficult and the medicine made me hungrier. We also went over the statement he’d made and the conclusion that he held that I wanted to be more dead than alive, because I wasn’t able to control my health. I did tell him proudly that it’s been over a year since I’d smoked. He confirmed that it seemed to be the thing, because his father and Jackie had given it up too. I felt happy for that.
At one point, he let me mention his childhood. He had tried to make a point that his grandfather didn’t interact with the kids until after they’d grown in explanation of something between him and Austin, but I contradicted that. I told him that his father was always very good with playing. He said like what? And, so I told him about the Risk games and how I served lemonade when he, his friends, and father, and brothers played. I also told him that his father and I used to take them out to the woods. I would walk the path – pace us, and his brothers, Dad and himself would run around the woods playing male type chase and shoot games. Hehehe … It really was spectacular to see them running about full speed having the most delicious time of their life. I think really that that was the pinnacle his fathers being with the boys. I underlined that his father always played and if not that poker or something else. I think he appreciated the information, but I didn’t want to tilt him. I let the subject be changed.
Rich would shoot me, but I told him about how much Rich made and that he was giving half of it to his wife and that just this week the wife had tried, and might get away with extending the divorce process. I think she’s understanding how lucky she is with the money. I don’t think the lawyers could do much more for her than he is doing himself. But, that’s Rich.
Awe Missy is finally forgiving me. Thom spotted them under the bed and now she is laid across my wrists. I’m not sure how long this will last … It may be good for her, but someone has to use the washroom … oh and we promised Rich when it got dark, we would shut the curtains. I’m not quite ready for medicine, but we might put on our jammas and slippers. Hold on … we’ll be back.
posted by Ann Marie @ 11/12/2007 03:37:00 AM
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