Long Day ... Mediocre progress ... BUT an improvement!
Good morning … this is me. Yesterday, we didn’t do so good … it was kind of a break-down day for us. I will be on medical leave the rest of this week. I’m going to try very hard to be more emotionally stable and able to do school. It is the priority I am worrying most about now. Sr.’s not happy, but I can’t help that right now. We need to simplify a few things so that we don’t feel our only option is to check-out.
I got a chance to talk to Dr. M. yesterday a bit, and we corresponded through a few emails. I am having a problem handling things without him being around more frequently. He has agreed to be more responsive to the emails and not spoken, but I will try not to abuse this privilege. The idea will be to build me up toward being able to survive the periods of time we are not able to talk. I’m having a difficult time feeling he is here in-between sessions. While so many things I don’t have access to about our conversations, he wrote me a note saying that I should focus on breaking things down and focus on not catastrophising. He said the simple version of this has something to do with molehills, but that was to harsh, in that it relayed our thinking was poor. I don’t think he would say that, although that might be an example of what he said. He didn’t say we couldn’t think, he said we had a tendency to make some things more important than they were. Feeling kind of foolish like the boy who called wolf. It might take me a little bit until I get a grasp on that whole concept and the feelings of shame that go with it.
Dr. M. suggested we work backward and double-think how things really are. I know we do a lot of black and white thinking. It is either not a problem, when it really is, or is not a problem, though we are making it out to be a very big one. I am going to again be cautioned about this until I can figure out a way I can phrase or think it, so we don’t convince our mind that we or it is a bad thing. See, doing it. Hmm, maybe I could take a little peek. Maybe my mind doesn’t do bad things, though it does seem to play tricks on us. Probably, we have an average mind just trying to make a go of things. Dr. M. says if things look bleak, most likely I’ve catastrophised things again. Getting deeper into trouble here. I can be kinda thick-headed. Let’s not think of our minds at this moment. We’ll try to think of something more concrete.
Ann has to do school work. That’s concrete. Take breaks. K. I need to relax somehow. It’s going to be ok. I think I’m going to try walking. BRB.
Ok, that’s better. Shhhh…
Not so happy about school work. Hmm, ok, we’re not going to make this a make or break moment. Let’s just talk it through. Seems were a little apprehensive. It seems just like we have a hard time holding in our mind people who are missing, we also have trouble holding in our mind that we can do what we can while we’re not doing it. Intellectually, I know that people are still here, and my ability is still here, but it doesn’t feel like it. I think a common interpretation of this is that as a multiple you like take up space and don’t have the more direct feeling of being in relationships or have abilities. I know as a system, we can do a lot of things, but it seems to be causing anxiety. We take anxiety medication, so we are doing the best we can with that benefit. The rest of it we need to handle.
Ok, let’s look then at that anxiety. Dr. M. says just do a little at a time … break it down. I know behind a window on our screen is a copy of the assignment. Hmm, it’s to our left too. Let’s just read one sentence. Ok, first question out of four is simply to compare the sensory store, the short-term store, and the long-term store with each other. Obviously, we are talking about memory. Ok, one of the problems is that we do not have a retrieval process that pulls that kind of information for us as efficiently as finding things on the internet. So, what do we have to do? We know in general information comes in through the senses (is held), is managed in the short-term store, and saved in the long-term store. As a basic concept that seems simple enough. Most likely we need to get into that a little more deeply. Ok, first then compare for relationship, then state how they are different that is the second question. Ok, the third part is then comparing and contrasting this “three-store” model with an alternative model. I think there were four or five in the book. We have read the chapter thoroughly before, but fell asleep this last time we were re-skimming after about 10 pages. The work wasn’t as difficult as it was sleep-provoking. We made the mistake of sitting in our comfy chair to read it. Ok, let’s stay positive.
Ok, the last part is that we need to provide an example of how a person’s emotional state would affect the ability to recall information that is stored in the memory. Wow! T. would say that’s “spot!” Good information to know. I think here recall and retrieve is about the same thing. Ok, good so far. See that’s not hard. Next. We’re going to have to read a little more to find the exact answers to the questions. That means starting with the text book. Anyone know where that is? Ok, right on the coffee table. Volunteers. Great! Now we are working together. Ok, before opening the book how do we look for information without getting overwhelmed? Hmm, good idea we’ll look at the chapter headings to see where everything is. Ok, recall is important … that is where you bring forward particular information like a fill-in the blank test, where recognition is selecting or identifying information previously learned like multiple-choice and true-false. Ok, do we understand that concept? Hmm, don’t see a big distinction either let’s look again. Ok, that makes sense … if someone asked what do you know about “X” that would be recall, but if someone asked does this belong to “X?” Hmm, interesting recognition involves receptive knowledge and recall involves expressive language … so to speak, taking in and putting out. That would make it easy to see why one is more difficult than the other. We are much better at t receptive knowledge than expressive knowledge. Cool just thought of the way in which we were raised. My parents used to say children are to be seen and not heard. Our thoughts and opinions were not asked. That could have something to do with our faulty thinking. I know we thought in extremes to cover all our bases. We didn’t have much opportunity to “check-out” our process our mind’s work with others, although if there was a mistake it was heavily penalized. There was very little information “put-out,” because it wasn’t safe and one of the better methods of staying safe was to be hyper-attentive to things going on. But, we were dissociating, so we couldn’t be consistent.
Ok, let’s go forward … we’re all here so far … so far, so good? Great.
Ok, the next part is easy implicit means the memory is working unconsciously, and explicitly means the memory is conscious. How do we make that association stick? Implicit is about something we are not aware of; explicit we are aware. We’ll see if that holds. Funny, another old thought. Implicitly we respond too much of life as if it is dangerous, explicitly, we can rationalize it, but sometimes we try to rationalize grandiose thinking, which is hard to do successfully. Both recall and recognition are tasks of explicit memory. You have to be aware. Ok, got that … one more word priming … we can do that pretty easy, it is like cuing at work. It’s a process of leading one to a certain conclusion. Ok, not sure why this all is important, but we’re ready to go on to traditional memory models.
Ok, little break. What is going on here? I’m not sure … I think this process of trying to understand what we are learning and have to write about is an effort to include all parts in our thinking. In a sense, breaking things down. Yesterday, we found and have found each time the work has become difficult is that the writing here is more essential. I think it is because it is easier for the parts to follow what is happening, or what is expected of them. I feel like when I am doing this I am teaching our selves, but it is a very slow process. Somehow, maybe after we build the systems confidence up again, we’ll be able to hold more information between writing our thoughts out. I know we’ve always stretched your tolerance as far as great numbers of lengthy detailed posts, I can only ask to beg your indulgence once more as we try to settle the system back to where it needs to be. Right now, we have to make learning not threatening again, so in this respect, please forgive us for writing more for our own benefit than yours. I’m sorry.
Ok, back to work … the next section (six pages) talks about the question we need to answer. It includes sensory, short-term and long-term memory. They go into more depth with sensory memory. Ok, let’s try this out. Ok, this model was created in the late 60’s by Atkinson and Shiffrin. The sensory memory store holds information briefly, the short-term more, and obviously the long-term the most. The stores are structures, or hypothetical constructs, but now days we talk of each without the term “store.”
Ok, sensory was imagined to hold iconic information (like the visual icons used on computers). They say iconic storage lasts about 50 milliseconds; can store about 12 items before fading and that verbal description interferes with what is being observed. Iconic memory can be either transferred and stored at the next level or erased.
Next short-term store .. so far no trouble. This structure can hold information from a few seconds to up to a couple of minutes and typically stimuli is held for 30 seconds, unless rehearsed. It holds information and control processes that regulate information to and from long-term storage. The information is held acoustically (on sound rather than visual). It can hold about 7 items plus or minus 2 and when chuncked (meaningfully held together), we can hold more information. The more syllables the less we recall and delay or interference can cause us to drop items. Most likely we normally process 3-5 items more so than 7.
Long-term might be able to hold information indefinitely, or our ability is infinite. Others like Loften say we invent our memories, not recall them (Loften BAD). Loften has been contradicted. Hmm, not much information on this store.
Next. Ahh … back to the question at hand. Compare. Question #1: Compare …
Paper …
The three memory stores are structures or hypothetical constructs created by Atkinson and Shiffrin in the late 60’s and used to assist us in understanding the process of memory (Sternberg, 2003). Sensory information is held in its store for up to 50 milliseconds, short-term store holds information from a couple of seconds to three minutes, and there is controversy, but it appears that long-term store can hold an infinite amount of information indefinitely (2003). Sensory memory holds information in the form of visual icons that are either transferred to the next level or are erased. People can hold up to 12 items acoustically in short-term memory and this number can be lessened if interfered with, such as the case of verbalizing the information (2003). Short-term memory holds about 7 items, though in normal usage, perhaps only 3-5 items; more information can be held through chuncking or rehearsing (2003). This store not only holds information, it also “controls the processes that regulate the flow of information to and from the long-term store (2003).
The information from the environment needs to first be registered at the sensory store. The initial sensory processing is most often automatic, where the individual has to give attention and effort to the other memory stores (Colman, 2001). As indicated previously information in the sensory store is visual, where the information in the short-term store is auditory. Without short-term memory, we wouldn’t be able to understand language because we need to hold the information long enough to process it from the beginning of the sentence to the end of the sentence (2001). Because we can hold information in our memory, such as the sensory store, we get the impression that what we are sensing is continuous, instead of single “snapshots.” In the short-term memory, we can reproduce information, recognize it and recall it through its control processes (2002). The long-term memory on the other hand is what gives us the ability to “go back” in practicing skills, recalling or recognizing events over a long period of time. In a sense we have a long-standing impression that our life is continuous instead of single episodes, which allows us to feel a sense of meaning.
Each of the memory stores needs the other for us to fully comprehend our existence.
End Paper …
Ok, maybe didn’t get so far. It’s after 2 now. We stopped for a V-break and to eat lunch, but then got pretty depressed, started to cry … I thought at the time because I missed Dr. M., but we were also missing us. We weren’t feeling happy even though we got to say hi to V. That usually puts us in a good place. We wrote a short note to Dr. M. and it concluded that maybe if we sit with Missy for 15 minutes she’d stop meowing. I think she does that when we cry. 15 minutes turned out to be two and a half hours. Missy didn’t cry once! We’re going to wake up now.
Hmm, we reviewed the paper so far. I think I need to wake up more first. I wonder if it be ok if we had a little coffee. Maybe took a little walk. We’re going to try that.
Well, only 5 minutes. The idea this time became to stop before we started hurting. I need to next time wear shoes. Had some nightmares to do with going to some kind of prom with someone and their family who were like Appalachian people. We were required to wear some kind of tight spandex girdle type material – one piece and red. Couldn’t move proper, or get it up to wear I could, and, then there were the bad toilet parts and it ended up with closed-in animals and later a gang of people with chainsaws after us. We woke up after the chainsaw had been applied to our arm. Bad dream.
Ok, let’s put us somewhere better. We’re still having the bad self-destructive thoughts, but more ruminative. Feel down. Maybe best solution to go forward though this quieter mind place seems safer. Just drifting. Ok, let’s think Dr. M.’s breaking things down simply. We’re a little groggy … self-destructive thoughts a flashback more of yesterday. It’s not something we got to go through again. It seems easier yet to approach those ideas and continue avoidance of work. But, we didn’t do badly there before just have to concentrate. Hmm, maybe that is the hard part. Instead of inserting an extra loop here, let’s try what we’d done before.
When I’m in this other space it is more difficult to be interested in the other, yet I know when we focus it in itself becomes interesting. Need to then give it a fair chance. I copy/pasted the actual paper into its own space so I could see it more clearly. What were we going to do with that last paragraph? V. would say keep it simple … ok, let’s see did we answer questions?
Back to paper…
Each of the memory stores needs the other for us to fully comprehend our existence. Their functions are different. The sensory store very briefly stores information as it is occurring in present time and the long-term stores information from the past. The short term store manipulates and compares information that is from the sensory store and stored memory in long term (Ryan & Cohen, 2004); in a sense it works toward relevancy within the individual’s internal and external world. In this sense short term memory processes are multi-dimensional where sensory and long-term seem to be “in and out” processes, or on-call to the short-term store. Sensory memory seems to be implicit or unconscious and short- and long-term memories seem to be either implicit or are explicit. It would seem then that the priming effect, which seems like a trigger leading us toward particular foreseen conclusions like when things make sense to us, seems to happen in short-term memory in the retrieval of information or as attention toward certain environmental stimuli.
In comparing the three store model to the network model, we first note that “The network model provides the structural basis for the parallel distributed processing (PDP) model, often termed the connectionist model” (Sternberg, 2003). The connectionist model seems to support the role of working memory. In this situation memory isn’t processed in the short-term “store,” it is processed as an active function within the long-term memory, nested, which seemed to invalidate much functioning in short-term memory.
Paper break…
We spent some time with V, before he signed of for the night to eat and watch the Flyers. Goooo Flyers! We got also an email back from Dr. M. He gave me another example of catastrophising in that we are thinking we are alone when there are others and that we thought he was barely tolerating our notes sent today. Basically, a contrast between what he said, verses what we are thinking he said. It seems in that process of thinking for him, I can’t think of a reason anyone would like me. Yesterday, he said something about getting overwhelmed when I combine stuff from the past with information from the present and it literally is too much to process … we go into overload. It is harder to remember Dr. M. likes me and is a friendly person just by default. I’m sure this is being more problematic, because of him not seeing me so much due to the money. It’s hard to keep it straightened out.
Just take a second her on the past … I never got the impression in the past that I was a person that was being more than just tolerated. Because people didn’t relate to me except to push away or focus their anger; I grew up with the feeling that I was unacceptable. I had the impression that I was necessary only in giving people someone to focus their hate and disgust. The more good I became in trying not to be objectionable the more objectionable I seemed to be. So, I can see difference now … I have been feeling like Dr. M. pushing away from me and we think his frustration with meeting progress, he is going to throw the baby out with the bathwater. He has said directly, that he is going to be there, but he said that before and it wasn’t true. But, then this would be again my thinking not his. He is here, just not so much. I get confused with feelings of being acceptable. I’ve weighted a lot of years my survival so tied with Dr. M. that’s probably more catastrophe thinking. Probably like I’ve heard some of you say over time that it is me who is getting things done. Catastrophe thinking again … I figure we’re going to f**(&-up. I can point to us not being “on-time” with life as a kind of negative confirmation.
Its hard … I’ve been thinking to the side about this in the last 24 hours. There is no beginning and end to the catastrophising I do, even when I try not to do it. Maybe I should think instead of I can’t do it “dumb” with that its just new and given time and more experience it will become more easy to figure out the processes and when and where to stop them. In looking at the memory models this afternoon … I saw there was one that sorted things out in time, more directly a “time referent.” This is the difference between semantic memory and episodic memory. Semantic is the stuff that all of us share and episodic memory is something we personally experience as an event or episode (Sternberg, 2003). Like everyone has a semantic memory of President Kennedy being assassinated, but episodic is our memory of where we were at the time and what we were doing. Like I can remember watching the funeral (horses and carriage), while leaning on big round hassock. I was four at the time. I recall it along with the information that I had wanted to watch my TV shows, but this other was on all the channels, but we grew comfortable with the slow processing of sadly melodic depressed voices. I was held by the sound, but I don’t remember many other pictures. The pictures of the event has been played so many times past that it’s hard to think I’m actually remembering, perhaps it is better to think that my attention is still being drawn to the same image, although I’ve gained many other opportunities to pick up more images over the years, which makes it seem like an episodic memory.
The whole point of this last paragraph was to assist me in thinking through how I am confusing past from present. I still haven’t gotten figured out if I like the relevance that the newer model of “working” memory takes over the regulation work of short-term memory, but it does seem there is some kind of worker system that could be nested within long-term memory. It almost seems like the working memory is like a library table where “we” sit in comparison to the long-term memory being the library itself, which includes all the resources. It would almost seem then that there are many books in the library that are bookmarked. Every time I am referred back to the book or other resource, I am drawn to where I last left off. My “memory” of President Kennedy has never changed since the first time I consciously recalled it. In this respect the information that I seem most guided from of the past toward the example of Dr. M. was that important people don’t really like you, they put-up with you. I can see this now very applicable to the relationship I held with parents and siblings. Because we’ve never progressed this to a satisfactory level, it pops up like a computer virus that my protection system cannot isolate or delete. Perhaps it is like an electrical cord placed dangerously in a common walkway within the library. As much as we try to remember to walk around it, sooner or later, we become absorbed and trip over it. So, if this were true, why can’t we just disconnect the cord? Maybe that would mean tracking it down to its source. As described above, it is beyond my protection system. I can however find someone to help me with the cord. I don’t know if we can remove it, because it might be powering something important. Maybe to something of meaning, though not necessarily of good value. I could ask a reference librarian to assist. While I’ve used Dr. M. as the primary assistance, he is now suggesting that I look for others … reach out to other people, so I don’t feel alone … cause pretty much the head librarian is out at a budget meeting. Hehehe yayyyy our silliness is returning!
Obviously, I am going to need finding someone with some authority in the library. Usually, we shuffle over to Vinnies desk. Let’s try that … Whoops, he’s watching the Flyer’s game. I know … we’ll leave a note for V. and put a sign next to the cord. DANGER step-over memories of negative family messages. The note to V would say. V. Just mi. About that cord in the main aisle … can it be removed or placed elsewhere? It seems to be connected to negative family messages that keep popping into my working memory, while I’m trying to remember that Dr. M. likes us. That’s it … talk later … GOOOO Flyers!
Well, there that’s taken care of. Woo HOoo 7 pm and I still feel like working Good coffee AND 2 ½ hour nap! Hmm, V. says we should have a dessert. Where pretty sure that Deb would agree, so I think we’re going back in there for the cantaloupe! Good work! Yup, Dr. M. said in REAL time today … “Good job!” YAYYY! Remembered!
Hmm, what happened most of my relationships with family of the past was tied to catastrophe’s? I never did something a little wrong, I was doing things a lotta wrong. Whoops now in the sore-tooth model. That cord seems to be a live wire connected to a sore tooth, we keep massaging neurotically and with great obsession with our tongue. Ok, girls we need to be tough here … focus! Where the h)(*#%& did we leave our paper?
Hmm, lost here 45 minutes. *Sigh* Feel a little more tired. Let’s give the paper one more try. We so much wanted to finish one paper today. K? Hey anyone up for a ice slushy??
Pshwoo … slushy good idea! Like clean snow. ok, we’re going to have to strike the paragraph on networking model to rewrite new paragraph that’s subject has become more interesting to me.
Paper …
In comparing an alternative model to the three stories model, I looked at the multiple-memory systems model. This work is based on Tulving who separated semantic from episodic memory. Both of these memory types are declarative (or explicit – conscious).
The difference between semantic and episodic is the “time referent” (Sternberg, 2003). Semantic is the memories we all share and episodic memory is something we personally experienced in time as an event or episode (2003). Most of us hold a semantic memory that President Kennedy was assassinated, but episodic memory tells us where we were and what we were doing at the time. Like I can remember watching the funeral (horses and carriage), while leaning on big round hassock. I was four at the time. I recall it associated to wanting to watch my TV shows, but this other was on all the channels. We seemed to eventually grow more comfortable with the slow processing of the sadly melodic narrative voices. I was held by the sound of the voices and the clicking of the hoofs on the street with the passage of the casket, but I don’t recall many other pictures. Many other images beside the horse and carriage have been played, but the fact that I always come back to this same image suggests this was an important memory, perhaps because it was weighted in the emotion of sadness, or perhaps even excitement because most likely I would have been more excited to see the fancy horses more so than whatever else was being shown.
Later Turving included a procedural memory for that kind of knowledge and Squire suggested (1986 & 1993 as cited in Sternberg, 2003) a different taxonomy that includes Tulving’s declarative memory as semantic and episodic, and the non-declarative memory as procedural skills, priming, conditioning, and non-associative. The systems that made most sense to me was the five systems of Schacter (2000 as cited in Sternberg, 2000), which were episodic, semantic, perceptual, procedural, and working. In comparison to the original three store model, there is more distinction of the brain’s processing and structures, where originally the model was an imaginative structure. Working memory was by this time more nested within the long-term memory and the relevance of short-term memory had been filtered out. The three store model didn’t account for more than one type of processing … simply information went in through sensory, was manipulated in short-term, and referenced/resourced in long-term memory. In defining memory systems, complexity is added, which recognizes different aspects of memory and is supported cerebrally. The model worked for me, because it allows for a useful distinction of conscious and unconscious processes aiding my conceptualization in a bundled fashion.
End paper … though not done.
I still have to provide an example that illustrates how a person’s emotional state could affect the ability to recall information that is stored in memory. This is kind of a defining moment in that I am thinking they are expecting something from Loftus proving that childhood abuse would detract from her ability to remember, where as I believe the neurotransmitters will prove out differently, especially involving the hippocampus and the amygdale. I found the paper where I talked about the effect of abuse on the brain, but I had not tied at that time the structures to what happens in memory. That’s way too much for this time of night. First thing in the morning though. Lets finish this baby up!
Thank you for reading down this far … Maybe you are a little confused like me, hmm?? Bedtime?? We all did good, right?
posted by Ann Marie @ 5/02/2006 09:14:00 PM
Comments: 2
