Valentine's Day
Good morning,
This is just me … Happy Valentines to all! That’s especially important
Not sure what to say beyond this … maybe another positive note. My sweetie pie will be coming over tonight. Think it’s very nice that he would do this. Trying to figure out now what I could do for him that is super nice. I’m very sure a box of candy is out and flowers are not such a good idea … umm that’s a little complicated. And, he’s not the thong-type hehehe. Hmm, we could still decorate our special tree … that be nice … Ok, ok … the tree resembles a Christmas tree *Silly grin* He says we can keep it up if we make it a seasonable tree. Yes, I like that idea as a start. Have just in mind what I want to do with it. Ahh, ok, ok … like that!
Makes me feel a little better.
Yesterday was ok, but not much work got done … There were too many visitors in my office. Try as I may sometimes taking care of people seems like something that’s not really like work, though it takes time.
We saw Dr. M. in the morning. It was our last Monday appointment. He said, we’ll to once a week for a couple of weeks, and then go down to twice a month. There were more tears and a lot more feelings of depression. After a long while, he helped us out of it by asking us to think of V. and then about Bon and Mal’s mice. He knew that we’d been worried about V.’s lungs again and that the mice would get us to smile. It worked.
I have to ask for a special note here … It is going to take me a while of feeling stuff that I’m not going to look forward to. While I appreciate everyone’s quick confidence that I’m going to make it, I have to tell you might be missing the depth of being that goes on between a long-term therapist and client. It is not a simple manner to drop 75% exposure suddenly by no choice of your own. Please don’t over simplify what we’re trying to do here.
I am closer to Dr. M. than I am to my boys, my friend, or even V. He knows me inside and out and beside feelings naturally of dependency, he is able to see the me and all of our parts that no one else has been invited to comprehend. He listens at a level most people will never know. I have a very good relationship to my sweetie, but even that level of intimacy is not the same as words spoken between Dr. M. and us. And, this isn’t to say I have a bad relationship with all of you, it is to say this other relationship is as deep and as hurtful as losing my best life time friend. I know that I will still see him a couple of times a month, but we are feeling right now as if that is an eternity away. If you would like to consider this feeling sorry for myself ok, but I would have to think … perhaps you may not understand what is happening here with my deepest levels of trust and acceptance of life. He is what makes life right. I will only fault myself here for not being able to explain it more clearly.
posted by Ann Marie @ 2/14/2006 06:18:00 AM
Comments: 6
