Caught this bug going around
25 years ago –I was supposed to graduate college, but had a one year son and was pregnant with the second.
We lived in a perfect Two-flat upper level and praised the day the landlords bought a washer, which meant it was much easier prior to hanging the cloth diapers outside.
I had brilliant thoughts and feelings about being a brilliant someone’s wife and devotedly watched him as he tested different colors on our walls. He was to turn painting into a life-time career
20 years ago –
I had had all my boys who were now 6, 4, and 2. Life with the boys was excellent and fun though independent of husband and I remember mowing the lawn a lot and being outside as often as I could to watch the boys play.
We had three houses. Our large brick bungalow we were living in, a two-flat that had been fixed up, and an 18 room Victorian, which was 99 years old and in need of a make-over. We had 6 families of renters.
By this time we were married six years and had moved four times so had few friends. We were into home restoration. Hubby didn’t seem as interested in us as before and was often bitter. On one occasion he had come across the bed to punch us a couple times in the face.
We began seeing our third psychologist, because of depression and rage.
15 years ago –
The year prior, I had spent three visits to separate hospitals and was diagnosed as a multiple, but held for depression. My doctors would not release me from the hospital until we committed to living somewhere else beside with my husband. My husband moved my name off the apartments through a shady sale to one of his relatives and he registered me with Medicare and Medicaid while I was trying to quickly finish college.
I was living on the 1rst floor of our Victorian, and hubby was living on the entire 2nd and 3rd floors of the Victorian. Boys were living in between floors they were now 11, 9, and 7 and pretty confused.
I gradually gained custody of my boys through three long and expensive years of court custody battles. There was a protection order against my husband. He could see the boys, but not me. He moved and had bought a house with another woman although the divorce was not final.
I was under the excellent care of a gifted psychiatrist, Dr. W. at the University and he saw us through a long period of fear, of not only our past, our confused selves, but as well of our new responsibilities and vision of a future.
10 years ago –
I had regained custody of the Victorian which was then sold for funds and less maintenance. I had always been a housewife; us and the boys then lived in a three bedroom apartment, and then we bought a three bedroom house for the four of us.
I had been required by the state to take courses in vocational training, and through the years had passed from a client to governing client payroll, to shipping receiving to production coordinator. I had a floor to maintain for about a 100 people with disabilities who were job training through manufacturing projects.
The boys were meeting me downtown via the Metra on odd Friday nights, so we could get hamburgers at the train station two blocks from work. I was putting in time in a half, but still getting behind on bills, because my ex-husband decided to start another custody battle. I would let them run some of the client’s jobs and we’d go home together about 10. They would hold my hands as we crossed the one busy street near home. They were protecting me. They were now 16, 14, and 12.
Three years prior, our final divorce came through a month after I met my friend and was still a client. We soon became best friends, and met every other Friday night, when the boys had visitation with their father. He became my boss and advisor at work and kept an eye out for me, especially in time of personal crisis.
5 years ago –
I lost the boys four years prior, not because of child custody battle, but because of bankruptcy and not being able to stop the court fees. Our accountant told us to sell the house, but without having a home I couldn’t afford to take the boys where I would need to go next. I gave them over to their father. I lost not only the boys, money, and house, but as well my psychiatrist and dog.
I quit my job and moved back to MN where I could still finish college. Within two years I graduated with a psychology degree and put in a couple of years at the center, but to get there I had to live a couple of months in homeless shelter, and 3 separate government apartments. *Sigh*
I moved from an apartment in Chicago to a nicer apartment in the suburbs 12 miles each between my boys and work.
My middle son had a baby out of wedlock and had lived with us 3 ½ months after being kicked out by his father, my oldest son had also been kicked out and had spent a year living with us prior to becoming engaged, and my youngest son was still living with his father and stepmother and finishing high school.
My friend was still my best friend and we supplemented life with a two year relationship with Dr. M. He diagnosed us as depressed, anxious, and Multiplying disordered. Well, not really, he said we are multiple, but not so disordered.
1 year ago –
I had spent my first few years with diabetes and osteoarthritis. I didn’t make much headway with either, and had to undergo a hernia operation. Dr. M. added officially OCD or obsessive compulsive disorder to our diagnosis.
My middle son had been in his first year of not talking with me. He had told my oldest son that he thought I was going to be dead within three years and didn’t want to invest in the relationship. I am reminded often by how much this son is like his angry father who he was now communicating again with.
I was in my 6th year of work and had spent 7-8 months of my boss being angry at me. She couldn’t afford to fire me, nor could I afford to quit. Why the anger? Not sure … the couple of years before, I’d been her favorite employee. It started the day we passed our accreditation; I think she was mad because we were too good, while she had showed much anger to the surveyor. She was angry that I’d gotten exemplary marks with my reports; she made it so it couldn't be talked about. The surveyor had told her she wasn’t paying me enough money, nor did he like the overtime. He also had offered us a job position, which we considered. The angrier she got, the more fastidious I would make my work. Go figure. I think we’re passive-aggressive.
My father and stepmother had been dead for two years and although thought of, not missed. He, my mother, and grandfather were the ones to start all this anger and me finding angry people to be around. We were umm still seeing Dr. M.
I’d known V for two years and very proud of the relationship. He supported our decision to going back to school and not working overtime for an unappreciative boss.
Had spent a couple of years immersed in a life built up around our place at J-Land on a green shady tree-lined street just up from beach.
1 day ago –
We started the 3rd accreditation period at work again and our boss is into about a week of liking us. We’re writing things down due to poor memory and the boss writes us back. We still don’t talk much. It is a good relationship :) this way. We don’t scare each other as much. And, we had an administration meeting and staff meeting and didn’t get kicked out of either and written-up as had happened the month before. YAYYY!!! She even teased us in a funny nice way :)
Sister was SOOOO happy with me, she said she would pay the $660 fee for me to be at a 3-day accreditation meeting in Columbus, Ohio mid-June.
Worried about V. whose illness seems to have taken a step in the wrong direction.
Played with our friend of 13 years now before he tucked us in to bed with our stuffed dog and soft feather blanket.
Got caught-up with the back assignments for school. Had fun in the process.
Was thinking about our having given Dr. M. a 15 minute allowance of time to consider diet, exercise, and not smoking, but that made us sulky angry.
Figured out how to open our work computer while at home.
Today –
Thinking the only thing we have to do today is write, read blogs, and write one report for school. Easy fun day!
Am happy that two of the three boys seem to like us, plus now there is a daughter-in-law and three grandchildren to love.
Had a conversation through IM with our friend and talked about some neat stuff.
More worried about V, but happy he is sleeping, because otherwise he’d be telling me to get back to school!
Got on the scale and discovered, we hadn’t really gained back the weight we had thought we had gained, and in fact holding the number of 36 pounds lost. Yayyy Much more not angry now. Thinking we’ll give Dr. M. more time to talk about our health issues without becoming mad or depressed.
Bless every day the safe secure feelings I have to be living by myself. It allows me this wonderful life through the computer. Let's say that again ... safe!
Tomorrow –
Will celebrate my third son’s 22nd birthday … still like to send him a little cash.
Will finish the last paper due tomorrow
Will look around for friendly warm smiles!
We’ll stay on our diet and brave-up our nerves for talking to Dr. M. about serious reality health things like smoking, exercise, and dieting.
SUPERBOWL!!!!
Will maybe visit some of the extra blogs we are on and contribute something to them.
That’s it! We will feel happy, because we’re still here! And, you are here with us. *Big Happy Smile* Life is good. Then too there is God!
posted by Ann Marie @ 2/04/2006 02:23:00 PM
Comments: 8
