A Day with Jacob is like a Day of Sunshine
Evening … yes V. I know school … But, I just got back AND I haven’t been able to visit any of my on-line friends and, and … I surely get to say something about visiting son #3!??We’re just goin to pretend here that V is still over at his #1 son’s watching something on the new huge super TV! Yes, that will work out conveniently!
We drove out to Jacob’s today and had a pretty nice trip out there. It takes about an hour and 15 minutes and the last 25 are quiet fast highway and farms. I got a little sick a couple of times while out, but nothing that could spoil a good trip! We met downstairs in his complex’ lobby where there are chairs and a big TV in the background. Not many people use the area. Jacob and I have this mutual understanding … we both arrive at exactly 11 am. Hehehe 5 minutes to in my case J The next thing is my super duper hugs he gives me! Then we sit down for a few moments to talk about anything that’s hot (under the guise of him never knowing where he wants to eat out).
Apparently, his school loan went through which is giving him most the money he needs. His father owed him $2,500 from work completed over the summer, so that took care of most the rest. Jacob thinks that he might be about $1,000 short. He was talking about some kind of Sally Mae loan that you can get if you are borrowing together with another parent/sibling who’s in school?? I’m not real sure he gave me a number that I will call tomorrow after the staffing. He said he would take out the max because he’s had a hard time and has gone through periods now this last semester where he was down to his last $20. I didn’t like that at all.
Then it got me thinking that maybe if there IS a loan available to me as well (in addition to the school loan I have), then maybe I could borrow enough to put a big down payment on a new car. I’m not sure, but my mind was playing in the wiggle room. The car is doing well and only on 83,000, but it is 10 years old. If the loan wasn’t due until after I finish school and my school is now being pulled out to ten years, then I’d be in much better shape. We figure during this next 10 years, Sr. will have needed to stop being Administrator and we are going to need reevaluating our circumstances. I’m pretty sure she is 80 or will turn 80 this year. Regardless of anything else, I’m going to use what I consider my loose money and pay to get Jacob into a special Karate club.
One of the big conversations this time (we stayed for 4 ½ hours) was that he and his best friend were taking together two karate courses. Jacob is pretty good at Karate. He’s been taking it now for about 10 years with a Sensai near his father’s house. He’s a brown belt. But, the two Karate courses that he is taking now are both different from the first. One of the courses is Korean and the other is Japanese. I know … why would someone with two courses and one at home, want with MORE Karate?!! But, this is where a mother’s instinct plays in. I haven’t told him I would do this yet, but his birthday is a week from today. He only has this semester and next before he graduates. He is not planning on going to grad school at this time. BUT, he is under a lot of pressure, particularly due to the finances. Getting these loans help a lot, but what has helped the most was the time put into physical activity, particularly doing something he loves and with his best friend. The friend is in the club and stopped in right before I left. I asked him how he was doing (he’s been Jacob’s best friend for about 8-9 years). He is an accounting major and spoke first of the tremendous pressures that he has been feeling on some pretty tough courses. Neither Jacob or his friend have girls right now, but they met through their athleticism. They were on the same high school gymnastics team and were both college cheerleaders throwing pretty girls in the air! Hehehe Neither of the boys has had a athletic outlet this last semester and its been bogging both of them down. They are both very much into healthy minds/bodies thinking. Jacob’s friend talked about the Karate club while I was there. He said that instead of time spent with 40 to 60 kids taking the course, the instructor only had 9 of them to work with, plus he had brought in his black belt son. The friend said the same thing Jacob did … you cannot imagine the pressure let go of while learning this art. Jacob said the instructor believes that people should leave their problems outside the door and come in with clear minds. This is the kind of stuff with my scraggley money management skills I see as an excellent usage of funds. AHA! J
We had quite a few good discussions. One of the hallmark talks is that we discuss Jacob’s game life. He held back on Dungeons and Dragons and in stead talked a war game he and his brothers play … a lot. I am still forgetting the title of the game, but Jacob explained it as on one level playing 10x10, meaning 10 good guys and 10 bad guys. You choose early in your game career which one you are going to be. The boys and their family/friends are on the good guy side. Next he says it is played like capture the flag. Then he went through a tremendous amount of explanation telling me the strategies involved. Like about changing animal forms like cheetahs and bears, working magic that slows people down or makes them dizzy, fighters who swing axe blades, or healers that protect the teams’ runners. There is much much more to it though. He said he and the above are in their own guild and the first set of goals includes “leveling up.” The boys each have a couple of guys leveled up to 60 which I guess is tops, then there is another set of something that if you get to the 14th rank, you are the best of everyone. I guess there are like 150 or so something competitions and each of them have about 1500 people at any given time playing, and maybe about 30,000 players in total. The boys are like at anywhere from rank 4 to 12 (after all having reached 60). Jacob says that at this 9 stage there is about 100 people at the same place. Everything is hard when you are going through it, but never as hard when you make the top 20 players. I guess the competition to be number one is pretty demanding, but after you get it you’ve by then have all the armor and are given a special weapon that you get to keep even though you might not stay holding that space as #1. The game tallies up I think once a week.
Today, Jacob talked about a little friction from his group. And, also friction building around the group that trades down at the board. I think the three that lead that trouble is the boys Uncle, Son #2, and their step-brother. I think these people are like in a tremendous amount of stress. Jacob talks about being able to change his surroundings more easily which takes off some of the pressure. Basically, he has other interests. Good! I think another thing that son #3 has going for him is that he can be pretty mellow. He is much more apt to turn the other cheek. Mostly, we just listen and ask questions. We worry a bit too. We like to hear that people are moving at an even keel.
Every time I meet with Jacob I am learning something new. He thinks at a pretty unique level of who he is and what he stands for. It comes out through normal discussions on where he is at with his courses, friends, family etc. and even where he is at with his spiritual life. I think more and more each passing month, he is willing to give more of himself over to his faith. This isn’t something that the other boys have managed to do. Unfortunately, for them, we were not a family that often went to church, though there has been many discussions on God and principles of His work. I’m pretty proud that Jacob has taken it seriously. It allows me to feel a sense of safety in that he is grounded. Son #1 can look out for his immediate family. Jacob is more able to look out for the other guy even as a stranger. I think that son #2 looks out for those he surrounds himself with, but he HAS to be the final word and his anger gets him into compromised positions with the others trust. He is very willing to do like he did with us and basically, kick people off and out of his life. Simplistically, he thinks, “I don’t need you, goodbye.” This isn’t something that Jacob has said, it is more how I put things together. And, as often as I am angry with son #2 and sometimes hurt, I don’t stop being concerned and worried about what is happening to him. I’d give my life if I knew it would allow him to let go of some of that anger that he uses to protect his system from being off its delicate balance. He’s got so much rage. *sigh*
I think though that I will cut off here. I’m having a little more problem with pain management, though its certainly not so much I’m going to go cliff jumping ;). I am taking positive thoughts with me as I think over how much I love my kids. Don’t always like what they do, but I love the hell out of them! My life has been blessed.
Good night!
posted by Ann Marie @ 1/29/2006 06:57:00 PM
Comments: 10
