Ayn's Multiple World

Hmm, What is your task?

Hi. I’m pretty late in writing today. It is almost evening. I haven’t really done much with the day, except try to relax. I’ve been visiting, not much more. The last bit of time was in exploring with the music thingy. Something brought me to John Denver. So, now I am on a 224 song spurt. I haven’t heard his voice for a very long time. My Uncle introduced us to John Denver. As much as I didn’t like him, he had gotten my cousin quite a few records and while on a weekend up at the lake, he had worked very hard to convince my drunken-angst father it wasn’t sacrilegious to have Denver in the house. My father had a thing against “rock” stars. The number of records he owned (we weren’t allowed to own) was about 4” wide. I listened to John Denver bout as much as I dared. Listening was something you did in private not when other family members could be bothered. I liked him. Eventually, this led to the purchase of one slim Bobby Sherman record. But, let’s not get too radical here … Anyway, no one to stop me now and it doesn’t matter how uncool he might be … Annie will be a song I want played at my funeral. J It will be my tribute to my friend.

We read about Denver’s death just now. We remember that he had died in an air plane crash, but I never had listened for details. He had a bad ending. It was a straight drop of 150 feet with an experimental plane he had just bought and was testing. They said it was mostly due to shortage of fuel, inaccessible fuel gauges, and lack of pilot training. At the time papers speculated that he had been drinking, but there was evidence to justify no drinking. To my knowledge his ex’s, three kids, and the government are still arguing over a 7-9 million dollar estate. There was no will. One site listed the body parts not found. That seems to be where we get stuck. We’re going to listen a while and chase away these images.

I liked him. I even liked his God movie. Yup, I’m 46 years old and finally admitting I like John Denver. J Makes me feel good. Like being redeemed a little J

“Sometimes I fly like an Eagle; sometimes I’m deep in despair.” John Denver

Ok, ok … lets push this forward a little … been nursing a little depression, but pretty sure I don’t want to go there.

The only notes from work yesterday related to a fairly good day at working toward order and getting things done. And, then we had good feelings about the Thinking Group, to which even Sister couldn’t take away, though she tried. The Thinking Group is the last organized activity on Friday’s. The clients go out to their waiting transportation from there. One of the ladies couldn’t find her lunch box. Sr. became angry and was in her imposing position, so after being attacked for wanting to help remove the garbage, I withdrew. But, after a smoke I had gone up front to work on a report with the one remaining DSP. It’s for another staffing on Tuesday. That was going well and we were about finished (4 pm) when Sr. charged in. She was yelling again, because the client who keeps his lunch box in the tray attached to his walker was also missing his lunchbox. She went into a tirade about how idiotic it had been to have the clients put their bags under their chairs, because obviously this was the problem and how that will never happen again.

I left and went back to my office. I couldn’t figure it out. If I was ever going to use those color pencils with 46 people crowded around tables 5-6 deep, and the table was holding all their belongings, how were we going to be able to do it. Were we ever going to draw again? Surely this couldn’t be what just happened. But, it did. We can’t use the tables. It left me feeling pretty confused. Angry. Depressed. But, the advice at the time and since then is to let it go. Not to fight it, just let it go and work around it.

So then, we started looking at the pictures that the clients had drawn that day before the lunchbag crises.

It had been a good session. After everyone was settled. Shoot that wasn’t easy either. Sister had come in at the beginning of the meeting screaming because she thought someone might use an extra chair from the side by wall. She counts chairs in use, but hadn’t taken into consideration lunch is missing one of the groups that come in for the Thinking group (The low functioning group). The room quieted down. There were six people left standing. There was a moment of silence. I asked out loud, “Are all the chairs taken?” The clients responded there were no chairs left. I just stood there not doing anything. Sister was still standing angrily at the door. Then she crossed the floor sputtering something grabbed a chair from the side and a clients arm and said, “you go over there!” Etc. We thought everyone was sitting, but then one more client came in, she grumbled and snapped at him, “You are always a Johnny come lately, always needing to make a grand entrance!” She stormed out without getting him a chair. We made sure he got a chair.

Ok, NOW after this part it was good. I began working with some volunteers to get things set up. We got out the boxes of colored pencils and had them distributed. Then we had someone distribute rubber bands to the tables. Then we had someone distribute a sheet of paper. And, the last person distributed green 1” dots that were stuck in the middle on one side of the paper. Then we took 20 minutes to go through together the process of taking out 40 sets of pencils and placing double rubber bands around them. Hehehe you’ll have to trust me … this was not an easy task, but one that when finished I asked them to give themselves a round of applause. They were proud of their accomplishment. I said, “Ok, here is where the work begins!”

I had them take out one color from their bundles, any color, and told them to draw one circle around the dot. That was a challenge for some of them. Each round we would go in and out between the tables and check work, encourage, or praise. The next instruction was to put that color away and take out a different color, and then I asked them to draw two circles around the last two circles. We went up to four circles with the fourth color before stopping. Again, each round things were checked. Most were paying close attention and for the ones that weren’t we assisted. Then, I told them that we were going to draw them on the paper, but we needed something to represent them. Hehehe yep used the word represent. Good word. One of the ideas was taken. The volunteer had said why don’t we use an arrow. So, we said fine, fine idea. I said, but first I want you to look at that green dot. Most of them focused and I repeated a couple of times using different words, that dot represents the thing you value most, the thing that is most important to you. Then I said go ahead draw you on the paper. It’s about the most amazing thing when doing something like this. Although they are for the most part using the same elements, the pictures look very, very different from one another. After this round, we asked them to use a cross to represent God. They all placed their marks. I said lastly place a box representing your goal work here at the center. I know I had pushed their concentration pretty much, so I ended it by just saying are you happy with where everything is at? Then because there was like 8 minutes left I told them to turn over the paper and someone placed yellow dots on the backside. I said this lesson has been on value. Now in the last minutes I want you to draw something of value. Some wise guy in the group said “a whopper!” Everyone laughed. Turns out a lot of Mickey D signs, hamburgers, and pizzas were drawn. *giggle*

It had been a good session. I will officially “figure out” what happened on the papers sometime next week after Tuesday. They do so terrific. It was just great!

So, that concluded my official hard week. J Pretty good, hmm?

I think it took a while getting out the door, to the bank, finish dinner and be relaxed for my friend to come over. He is always special. We mostly talk and massage. This time he let me talk. He said I want to hear more about your medical situation, what did Dr. M. say? Hehehe that kept us busy for quite a while. Ahh, then you gotta know its going to get mushy soon enough and here we are finishing up the paragraph right fast! *Silly Grin!*

Hmm, we’re already up to Saturday … umm not much, but think I said before mostly reading blogs. We’ll turn on TV tomorrow for the football games. I have of course impending homework. But, it seems I have to get all caught up with one part of my life, before I can get into the other. That is the nature of weekend relaxation. It just doesn’t always happen, because you wake up and it is Saturday morning!



I had started something earlier that I wanted to continue when I got a free chance. Remember Bill’s work on the Meaning of Life?? We had done the introduction and first thing we would do after we landed on Earth. Now the next thing is we are going to have tasks to do. This is what Bill has got to say.

2. You Will...
HAVE TASKS

You come here to do certain specific things. You may have one task or many. Your tasks may be obvious to you. or you may need time, effort, maybe struggle even to clarify your tasks. You may never quite even clarify your task until the moment your time in this body ends. You may work on your task for years before you realize, “This is my task.” The tasks you came to perform may take the whole of your life or be done in an instant. You may be aware you are performing your life task while you do it.

You may perform your task quickly, hardly noticing anything special, unaware you are doing the task you came to do while you do it.Your task may be so easy, obvious and natural,you never even wonder, "What is my task?" Your unique blend of talents and interests may lead you to your task and you just do it. Or, your task may be a constant, unpleasant struggle you fight every step of the way. Your task may be noble and wonderful and gain you recognition, rewards and honors. Or, it may be simple, totally unnoticeable while you do it.

AHA! That’s what I’ve been missing. I have to clarify my task! Ok, now YOU!!! If you’ve been reading along comfortably … this is your time to jump on in … There are going to be 44 parts or things we are going to think through over quite a while. Now on my regular entries people can get by with saying, “Yes, yes Ann … you did well. Nice!” And, most times I might add to looking for this kind of affirmation. BUT, this isn’t one of those times. If you are still here at my blog reading … it is time for you to become proactive. Before you read any further of what I’ve got to say, go straight over to the comments and answer for yourself a meaning of life challenge. Ask, “What task(s) do I have to do? It’s ok to read Bill’s clues J Good luck! Oh yeah in the nature of good blogging, if you should per chance want to think about this kind of thing more in-depth, please, do not hesitate to take a question back home to your own blog. It be neater if you linked back, but my reading your answers isn’t key here.

No cheating ok??? And, don’t be going looking for hints! Ya gotta think about it for a few minutes! Go ahead, go ahead. We got time. J

Ok, now that everyone has scampered off, we gotta figure out our tasks. Not so easy for a multiple. One task might be to get to the bathroom on time, and another task to write self-books for adults with developmental disabilities. But, as I’m thinking now we’re going to have to figure out one tasks that umbrellas all the other tasks.

I think we should have a particular task to help us focus better. You know something that unifies us. We've got an inkling of a task now, but we can't say its real obvious to us. It's kind of obviously sitting in our blind spot. I think we'll take a task that we need to struggle through. We figure God would surely give us something challenging! It's gotta be big enough to take a lifetime to do, but something even the younger parts will understand. Hmm, its interesting thinking about what the way young parts do for us. Think its lining up.

What's on our mind so far has something to do with peoples sense of personal satisfaction and happiness. I figure that that is a pretty big challenge. Yes, now looking at it all spelled out, I quite like it! Its too early to figure out if cranky, angry people find happiness in being that way. I'm going to take an educated guess not! I don't know they still might smile like when we were young and killed ants with squirt guns. Believe me we've certainly paid for that sin! Sorry Pastor Tang.

Hmm, thinking of scrooge here … no, no, no we better take it just as it is, because for some people making a pile of money, might really make them happy. We don't want to place our values on them. Now, the big question and reason why I think we qualify for this position in life. It has to do pretty much because of the abuse and the ramifications after that. It leads to our suspicious motives!

Well, it's pretty obvious my mother didn't care for us. She might have loved us in the sense of however she knew love which was pretty twisted. My Grandfather might have showed mercy sometimes, but that's really not love. I think he got from the sexual abuse more than he was giving out. Did this make him happy? Made his little penis jingly and satisfied. I suppose even he could have been happy with pulling this off. Point being since this is now MY life we're talking about, I think we had some unhappy experiences. BUT, the curious thing is that we've always found happiness somewhere. There's always been that saving grace that some good would come from what our minds could find. Was Corey happy during her two years of mourning for her best friend at 10? Hmm, I think considering what one can within a moment of time. Corey was happy in that most often she lived in a fantasy world with her dead friend. Its hard to imagine the sadness we feel in having watched this through so many years. But, in general, Corey is still a happy person and we are personally satisfied with that! YAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Ok, seems to be working out so far. We certainly couldn't have life meaning if we weren't somehow also attached to helping others be personally satisfied and happy. But, it can't be all about helping others, because sometimes individually and as a group, WE need to regroup. Because if we aren't getting to the good stuff, how can we think others would. AND, there is a very important argument here that not everyone wants help. Seems like there are a lot of sensitive souls out there that are either very independent or pretty stubborn … hehehe maybe the same thing. If people were just to go out helping people there would be a tremendous amount of boundary invasion. People be saying, "Did I ask for your help?" Um, better add a cranky category. Yup, yup … we'll just leave helping others be an option IF they want help. :) Ok, that works for me!

So, how do we go about all this personal and SOMEtimes other orientated good willing?? Hmm, that's an interesting thought what happens we make our task good willing instead of personal satisfaction and happiness. That would get us more past the truly cranky and bad tempered. For them it would mean like walking on the opposite side of the street be good willing! And how bout for ourselves. Kind of turned things like self-acceptance. Hmm, that sure make a lot of people smile! Anything we'd lose? Hmm, how about that statement, "I did good!" that has to be in here somewhere. Hmm, a little tenuous, but I really think it would be catchy to be a good willer. I don't think too many people are using it! Though there's a lot of people cross the world that do promote good will, and so they they are like good willers. Eh, I can say then that I'm hangin with a pretty good crowd!

Think too it goes along with my career choice of being an eccentric old woman. Eccentric people can be very much good willers! PERFECT. Ok, let's test out the next variable.

I still think we'll struggle, because we didn't come by good will naturally, we had to work for it and still do. You wouldn't imagine the nasty thought we had toward Sr., but we stopped that pretty much right away. Good!

It be a waste not to claim this task until we were dead! I think some of us inside have tried that, but we should mark it with a big failure. We've practiced being dead or willing ourselves to be dead a lot, but it never seems to take. Hmmm Once we talked to God about it. We were pretty darn steamed. We said, I WANT TO DIE NOW! God said see those padded walls? Made them special for you! You got lots more to do yet. Hmpf! He's always got some such attitude!

It has taken me years to accomplish this task. All the 46 and a half years til just now. I sure hope previous task experience counts! Hate to think child rearing in particular wasn't a great big life lesson in something!

It's a life long task. I'm barely going to have enough time before dying before I get it all done!

Hmm, I'm pretty cloudy about whether I know what I am doing at ANY time.

Shoot, "Annie's Song" just came on again. I was dripping tears through it this time too. Yup yup … I want that song sung for my friend when I die. Could somebody be accountable for that for me? I know better do it ourselves. NOT that we're planning on going anytime soon! But it's gotta be that and Ava Maria. Ok, enough of that …

Ok, where were we? That's right we barely ever know what we're doing. So, I don't need to notice when good willing is being accomplished. Wow … lots of good willers actually, just think of the Good Will people! Forgot about them. Hmm, too much a crowd? Naw, we'll specialize in small private jobs :)

The task can be easy, obvious and natural, like when we're really busy and a client comes in and says, "Ms Ann I need to talk to you." Shoot makes my heart get all soggy. It's kind of funny in that respect. I was just thinking that as far as chairs people visit … I think I have one of the most well spent chairs in the building. Hehehe actually pretty easy though. Our friend and Margarita aren't around much in their shared office and Sr. and the other Q. pile stuff on top of their chairs. Usually, the remain sitting and they expect the person coming in to stand before them. Just see no sense in that. I've got two wonderful guest chairs and if they are not ready immediately when someone comes in I'm clearing them off. I love it! I've got everything but the can marked 5 cents. *giggle* AHA! I bet V needs one of these! Birthday is all set up then!

I think I am especially qualified because no matter what I feel like we're happy people … that's got to be a talent. *Gigglin* Probably one of the few diagnosed severe chronic depressants you know that really feels good most times. Whoops. Time for the happy pill! NAW don't do that to us! Ok … ok … but, we still got to take the medicine? Ok, going…

Done.

Hehehe no we mean Done. Pills, our task goal … All done. Just me and JD left. Ohh and the kitty cat that tells me it is time for bed. Silly kitty.

Ok, ok. Nitey Nite! And, don't forget to post YOUR part!

posted by Ann Marie @ 1/21/2006 07:09:00 PM Comments: 5