Ayn's Multiple World

Some hard time - clicking shoes wanna go home

Good morning. This is me and we’re pretty much into the day, but we’re just starting and it’s already 9:30 am. We’re probably not going to get to the sewing too much today and then before you know it Rich is going to be coming for me tomorrow. I just got off the phone with him. He’s doing laundry and making business calls and he’s got a list of things to do … he’s going to take my computer in, stop and get his mail and the laundry and he’s going to go to the grocery store. He’s making a big turkey for Bob, Marsha and me for New Year’s day. He’s such a hard working guy.

He sounds ok, and in general just into the movement of his day. I guess that Bob was eager to have him come back, but Rich said he had to get some stuff done. He’s going to be over there hopefully about 3 pm and I think they’ll play some cards and he’s going to eat dinner over there. That be a nice thing for him to do. Again, I hope that Bob doesn’t get too used to him, because then maybe he’ll be resentful when I come back. *Sigh* I hope not.

I talked to Rich about the situation last night again, but I told Rich I wouldn’t express it all here so that we might maintain Bob’s privacy, so we’re going to honor that. I’ll have to check it later to assure that we’ve done that all along. I’m figuring at one point we were figuring out his situation out loud.

Ok, Hi we’re back again. It’s now Thursday New Year’s Eve. I haven’t been doing too much this morning. It’s about 11 am. We just finally took our medicine. Hmm Connie Sue is up. It’s a good thing for her to have come out of the room. She’d been up earlier to get some blood work done. She went with Mark. Because she came home and moved so well and then this move, I know that she can get around better than she is making out, but everyone has to “heal” at their own rate. She’s already let me know in her own way that we’re not doing so much, but we’re really not.

I’m like around and have been doing small things, but really small things. I haven’t gone back this morning yet to do the fabric work. I had asked her if she had a project that she wanted to work on next. She prefaced something spring like so we found two that we’re identical except the background so she took the darker one. It took me a long while to read the directions. I had to get a feel for it and then there was some confusion because some of the directions were in one bag and some were in the other bag.

It is a block of the month club and we only finished the first month. We were working through some of the natural difficulties and then we worked through systems with the new label maker. I thought that was kind of fun. I am going to need some more pins though because the labels aren’t great for sticking. Cs says there is another cartridge that is made more for fabrics, but I have to pin them on anyway if there is more than one piece.

CS came in and sat down on the big chair and she turned my tv channel. I would like to think this is her house and she can do whatever she wants. But, I’m still having a little adjustment problem from the changed tack. I had just gotten to the point we were using the computer anyway, so that helps everything be a little better.

Poor CS she continues to complain about the dogs behavior, but its more like a whining, self-pitying instead of helpful in training the dogs. I know they can be better in that I’ve got them now so they will sit while I eat and we don’t encourage the pettying of the dogs during eating time. She takes a long time to eat too so that’s difficult for them, and she feeds them periodically while she eats so they are always waiting for their next bite. Sometimes I will let them clean a plate, but not all the time nor will I feed them most times so they don’t get used to the part where they should hang around for food.

Hmm, Rich just called. He had said about 45 minutes, but we added on another 15 minutes because he was going to stop and pick up subway sandwiches. Connie Sue was up and then she just woke up Uncle Mark. I thought it was a little too early, but she runs the house. She just asked him to make a pot of coffee.

In the meantime, I walked around the house several times and I got the stuff I need to take home put together in one spot. I have a bag for the clothes I washed while here, and I had the two small backpacks for electronics, scissors and medicine and such. One I’d forgotten here before and has my coffee cup. WoohOOO!!! I put on my shoes and socks and put in place the fabric I’d brought and then the light and dark flower fabric I’d started to cut. CS asked and I said I’d work on both at home. I put away the cutting stuff I’d taken out. Hmm, what else? There were my boots and I will need my coat and scarf, and anything else? Oh yes, very important … I got my Christmas present bag. I’m for sure going to want that!

Better remember my phone too or we’d have to come back for that. I’ll put it in my pocket now.

Hmm, I don’t think CS is so happy that Rich is almost here. She’s got her eyes closed now, but I know she isn’t asleep because of the tiny movements. Her face is wearing a very unhappy smile. I don’t know if she’s in much pain when sitting still. I think she gets sharp pains when she moves. I think she’s taking too much pain medicine to be sleeping this much. There is no way she should be sleeping non-stop unless she was drugged. If she was just going to sleep she should have stayed in the bedroom.

Ok, that’s mean thinking you! Just then it makes the rest of the house have to be quiet not to disturb her and we’re held hostage by her tv channel we’d rather not be watching. Hmm, there we go Mark woke her up just opening the bathroom door. Mark stopped to say you are sleeping and she said she’s trying to will away her headache.

I don’t know if we’ve made progress since being kids where she always says she’s in pain, but more when … ok, I’m not going to say it. I don’t want to be mean or distrustful. She just asked Mark to make her coffee and for a couple of popsicles.

Then she sent him back for an ice cube. Now Mark is disappearing. I’m think she was right not to ask me for all that. I’m here to help, but I’m not as friendly as Mark. When she’s got the stuff that makes her happy, she shows no sign of being in pain.

I tried to start other conversations like I told her that Rich’s Mom has been hurt, and both times I brought it up as something that naturally concerns me, she told me about 2 other people that had some version of what Rich’s mother is going through.

In that aspect she’s very like my mother. Conversations revolve around her. Right now the only conversation is in responding can I do this or that for you, or the part that says something to make you think she’s concerned about putting you out.

She knows about how much she can put and we’re not really giving her a lot of space. If she has an obvious need, we jump up like to put her dishes away or let out the dogs, or feed them, or empty the dishwasher, or get her food. I think I’m not such a giving person so that all this is pressing on my nerves. I think if she wanted to walk the extra few feet to the kitchen she could do that.

I had asked her what did the doctor say for recovery and she said he said that she should keep her feet up, but when we asked ourselves the same question to the doctor, he only said she should walk as tolerated. It was a different kind of message. I also asked about the walker and he shook his head and said it was unnecessary although it seemed to make her feel better. I think she is going to incorporate it in her everyday life. She paid an extra couple of hundred. She’s supposed to be healed within a couple of weeks, but I think this is going to get stretched out. She said something about see how much Mark sleeps and was unable to help her, but he HAS been helping - in most ways more than me. Every time he is up and around and not sleeping or working, he checks in with her. He doesn’t say anything or complain … it’s like here you go dear.

There was a little brouhaha last night. Mark called CS while he was working at the church because his mother was calling him. CS played it off as if it was someone else’s fault, but basically, she’d written something men about her in-law in the facebook and she didn’t want to take it down or apologize for it. I caught it a few days ago and told her, do you know they can see that. She tried to make out like I was wrong, but she knew what she was doing. Even last night after it had blown up … she refused to take it down because she said that it was true.

Mark later came home and said something about it, so I showed her what the mom was seeing. He shook his head in dismay and talked about what it would take to take his facebook down because it only had caused him trouble although this part was coming from CS. I showed him how to take down his site. Then he was talking about that it wasn’t important that he had a mom relationship if she threw him away so easy as Nancy coming in and taking over his family relation and the mom giving him up for something his wife did.

Basically, I think it’s a play between the two women. They are both vying for Mark’s attention. Mark then before going back to the Harry Potter show that I’d fallen asleep to the day before had marked it and stopped it until he could show it to me again. So we watched that with him and we felt more interested in it. It was hard for us to see because they did the whole thing in a really dark screened room(s). But, we were interested in the story.

Before that though, Mark said something about being really good friends and that I should call him and call him often. I didn’t know how to take that because if CS found I was having a friendship with her husband without her in the middle of it, then that would upset her. I confirmed to Mark that I was very serious about giving back in a relationship to him, but that my first priority had to be my sister, because if anything happened between them whether I thought she was right or wrong (like last time) I’d have to be maintaining a relationship with her.

I think this was prefaced that I don’t think that CS is always sane. I gave him a few examples of stuff she was doing that wasn’t good for her, him, or me for that matter. He understood and in some aspects I thought that I was protecting her even though I was seeing so many faults. It was like I have to be making an effort to work with them and not abandon her again. But, I need Mark too to hold onto some kind of sanity. Not that he or I are greatly sane, but it seemed important to have some kind of check and balance.

I think that Connie Sue is just so manipulative and its hard to learn how to deal with that … I was better this time, in that it came up a couple of times and I told her that we couldn’t mix money – borrow from her because Dr. Marvin said that it was better that we keep it separate. I don’t think she liked that, but seems to have taken it in. I will pay her back the $680, but after that we got to be stopped.

Hmm, Rich just called. He had trouble finding the Subway. CS clarified he should have gone left after getting on Paradise and that it was in the same parking lot as the Walmart. I’m going to be so happy to see him. I just wanna go home. I’m just too complainy to be any good to her or Mark. CS is now back to feigning sleep. It cuts off conversation. I suppose though that I’m doing the same because I’m concentrating on the typing. *sigh. Just not a good situation for me. I don’t like it how she stationed herself out here in these situation – like assuming that I wanted to watch her sleep or to be watching her show. It was like I wasn’t giving her enough attention when she was in her bedroom. I know that after I leave she’ll go back to bed. I noticed that Mark disappeared to his bath or bed too. It was like if he wasn’t taking care of her, nor could have a conversation with me then there was no use to him being up. *sigh* I just wanna go home.

I think we’re good to go … just gotta think our way through it. Everything is off the table, off the counters, we checked the plug-ins. I just have to make sure my typing is taken down. I have been very appreciative of having this computer to use while I’m here. I’m going to hope that Rich has his computer too, but I can’t bet on that. He knows that I’ve been using it while mine was down, but I’m not sure if he would have thought ahead or just thought I’d be talking to him.

Hmm, when he said it’s exactly what I was looking for on CS show, then she opened her eyes to see. I wish it didn’t have to be like this between us. It’s just that

I have trouble being in her inner world and she seems to be needing that right now.

There’s nothing between us right now that’s like in a regular world conversation.

Everything she says is manipulative as to filling her needs. I think we talked to Dr. Marvin about it … how do we know we’re not that much different.

Mark came in to give her attention and now she’s like please honey don’t do that … no I don’t want to stand up and stay off my bed and such.

Ok stuff stuff. She’s so crabby around him. And, she uses something I would say against him. Like I asked what he was doing with his sleep apnea because he said he wasn’t staying asleep, but then she came in and said he wasn’t doing anything. She used it as an opportunity to complain.

Mark told her we wanted to watch another channel, and then she said no and that her show was almost over. So there will be at least 15 minutes with it. It showed inflexibility toward the needs of others. I said something to him and she said, What? And, then looked dismayed when I said I had said something to mark. He’s like here on the floor with the dog. I don’t think he knows what to do with himself in this situation. When he fades to the dog or she goes to the TV.

She just interceded in another conversation. He said something about what kind of peanut butter they have due to a commercial, then she stated why they get the peanut butter they do. It was meant to kill the conversation and leave me out.

We just gave Rich a call … he’s got the food and is about 5 minutes from here. Oh Lordy, we’re so happy. I think we’re going to need closing down the computer now … so until then … we’re going to stop by and visit his mother in the hospital. I don’t know if I said that or not, but after we left she fell and broke her wrist and cracked a rib and then she’s got pneumonia. I’m really worried about her and will be eager to visit. We’re doing it right after we leave here. Just its going to take a couple to three hours. Soon though right?

posted by Ann Marie @ 12/31/2009 12:53:00 PM Comments: 0

A day at the clinic where CS going through her operation

Good morning. This is me again. We’re back except this time we’re at the clinic where CS is going to have her surgery. Connie Sue got a bit testy right before she went in. To be fair, Nathan was pressing them a bit. He was talking to his Mom and Dad on the cell phone. There’s something with him owing court fees and needing money for a vehicle and wanting a computer. I guess that was sorta lot considering his mom was waiting for surgery. Hmm, we just had to make the letters smaller because someone is sitting in the same group of chairs as uncle mark and us. I don’t remember what CS was talking about to Mark before she was called, but it was like mean comment, mean comment, mean comment. It was like, Whoa! So let knee was going to need attention?

CS was trying to be mad at Mark saying Nathan had two jobs and Mark was like not the same thing. Mark’s 2nd job was like 30 a week and Nathan’s was like 2-3 hours.

Then CS went into defense because of all the hours she worked, but she doesn’t work much either and the point is that she was mad when the pastor gave attention to Mark for doing good work when she thought it was her that did the hard work. Told Mark after she left only that Dr. Marvin says she needs a lot of attention and Mark was like yeah?! Like ok, is there something new?

But, pretty much neither of us would want to be sitting here saying bad things about her it was just a quick sudden round of nastiness. Dr. Marvin says that CS doesn’t say things directly. She doesn’t know how to direct her emotions, but that she acts them out … so it makes sense to be aware she’s going into surgery and is probably going to act it out … point is that Mark shouldn’t be taking things personally.

I think its going to be a long afternoon. We were here an hour ago and now it’s about 10 to 1 pm. It’s going to be a bit of preparing her for surgery, then there will be the surgery, and then there will be the part where we have to wait for the anesthesia to wear off. Mark said that he was going to make sure his hours was in for his work check, and then she said you can’t leave Ann Marie alone. Again somewhere near there, but not direct again. She is the one that didn’t want to be left alone, but acted it out through us. We naturally stated the truth that of course we were ok by ourselves. Then she tried it through another track … like what happened if something happened and they needed to get a hold of him.

Well actually he has a cell phone, but *sigh* that’s all part and parcel. It’s probably nerve wracking to go through surgery. We gotta keep remembering we’re here to help not hurt. We were teasing them with Nathan, but that only went so far … I think it’s a good thing to get off one’s chest because it allows a dissipation of pressure. I told them that’s why I told them of Thom’s drunken disorderly to compensate each other’s problems with our sons. I hope that they heard that … it’s worrisome to be a parent and the troubles seem always a lot. I guess Mark told Nathan that they had a savings account and then Nathan was like all into it and that he almost had certain rights to the money. I think that’s a hard thing in this family … financial boundaries, but it’s a pretty good idea for me to stay out of it. I feel mostly like it when I hear CS talk about money and the mother-in-law, you can see the way the issues work their way down the channel.

We’ve got problems in our family, but I don’t think so many money ones. The boys know I’m reaching deep to get them $100, they don’t ask for any more like never. I did help each when I could, but in the general scheme of things it is never as much as I would have liked to. Ok, this conversation doesn’t have to be happening. Just filling up blank space, I think …

I think there is a bit of a gossip in me, in that I like to talk and so I talk about the things happening directly around me. It just happened to last be the conversation with CS and Mark. It seems easier to see the humor of those around you than your own, though I was ready to laugh at our situation, just the conversation around here is more about them than us. But, to be fair if anyone wants to laugh with Rich and me feel free.

We talked – CS and us while waiting for Mark to take care of the box to Thom. We tried to apologize for our frustration and fears making the mailing situation so impossible for us. It’s a complex set of feelings, but I think CS appreciated me trying to straighten out and explain it a bit. Mark was involved too because when neither CS and us could go in it became his chore and I’m really sure he doesn’t like to do those kinds of things. CS and us are alike in that we are tough when we want and at other times we’re helpless.

CS was having confusing feelings in-between there too in that – she had spent so much time working through the paperwork and then it appeared she’d done it wrong which she had a hard time processing … in our family it is shameful not to do things perfectly. I know that’ our Rasmussen side. Anything could lead to shame. And, if your not getting shamed you are giving out guilt. It’s a really poor pattern and all one can really do is keep alert for it. As soon as you see it you have to be able to dismiss the problems that is occurring from trying to do it to someone or even to yourself, and then you got to fix the damage you’ve caused in the process.

You could wish and wish it didn’t come back, but it never seems to end. I wish I could understand it, but it seems more to be in the scope of a lifelong effort in trying to unscrew yourself. Hmm, are we wandering vaguely again?

Maybe.

Mark seems to be trying to read and trying to keep awake at the same time. I think he’s succumbed to his tiredness. I’m pretty sure that although he’s holding the book that his eyes have closed. I think there’s no real problem in that in that surgery to whatever degree is hard on him too. There’s no doubt that there will be extra stress on him because there is extra stress on Connie Sue and the family unit in general. I think that for me though I’m doing much better now with it than before. I couldn’t get out of the crankiness before. I was still in the range of CS manipulations. I tried to explain that to her, but I’m pretty sure nothing has to make sense on a day like this. As much as everyone wanting to make things a not very big deal, they actually are so you just gotta keep stepping back and reminding yourself from taking it too seriously.

CS did get that email I sent her talking about the seriousness of infections and how deadly they can become. I didn’t mean to make her more nervous, but there is a need of weighing the situation with a little more gravity than is commonly going on here in the direct manner. Underneath it I need her to understand that I see it is a serious matter and will give attention too. Of all the times CS asks for attention inappropriately … when it comes to real needs she sometimes slips.

Better use the washroom before Mark gets called back. BRB

Ok, Back again. I don’t think Mark is hiding his tiredness too much. I think though we all have our ways of shutting down. Mark shuts down from extra stress most likely through sleeping where we do it through our writing and all the worrysome thoughts we go through at this level.

I think we have another deal coming up here in that CS nurse if going to stress to CS that her husband join her and usually CS gets more of the attention she likes and the control through doing medical on her own. Remember we went through this before. It’s a struggle from being all controlling to the struggle of being dependent and hoping someone else will show their love by taking care of you. I think this is part of having a family who didn’t have a whole lot of caring skills.

You can see how messed up we are in trying to ready ourselves to be helping CS. I don’t think its natural for us to care without worrying of the effort of caring on ourselves. I’ve seen other people much more giving and I can appreciate that, but for us we have to struggle through it. *sigh* We’re doing our best.

Hmm, just looked at something on the wall. It’s a little statement on synergy. I haven’t heard that a lot before, but I’ve done it before. The statement reads:

Synergy – when the effort is shared, when the vision is clear, when cooperative action achieves more than individuals ever could … its synergy. It’s the future of success. That’s cool and seems to be written for me at the moment. Basically, a lot of the negative we’ve been talking about is like an opposite synergy. I think Cooper used to call it his monster and witch characters. Basically, people with negative energy drain each other – like the fighting between CS and Mark a little bit ago. The synergy would be the healthier things when positive energy combines so that amazing things can be done.

Hehe … Mark and us just had another little conversation. For some reason he woke up from his dozing. We played back and forth a little where I teased him for sleeping under stress where I write under stress. He decided that he liked his way better.

We discussed the time scenario. He was thinking through when he could leave. We gave him our theory where he had to really wait while she was in this pre-surgery stage. He’d misguessed the time to be an hour of waiting since she’d gone it where it was actually closer to a half hour by the clock. We told him we figured that he’d go in for just 10 minutes or so and then there’d be at minimum a couple hours of waiting between the surgery and the waking up part. I think he might be able to go in for some of that time of waiting for her to wake up. I know she’d be ticked off if he were gone even though she’s not all the way happy of having her in. I felt pretty sure the waiting time with her would be short … I think they’d call him in just before they were ready for her … My experience with it which is slim is that that woozy part after the drug was inserted to make you drowsy was about the time they figured you were safe and wouldn’t bother too much the person having surgery.

I don’t know how much control she has in saying go get my husband or don’t. I think if she were in real trouble she would ask for him. I also think if she wanted to impress a more coherent family she’d ask for him, but she might not if she figured he would need more attention then her. It’s really a matter of her being able to get cared for by the nurses without any of us further needing her. She’s really got to be babied proper. If Mark could do it then wallah! We’d all be even. I’m a horrible person as to babying. Sometimes I’m in the mood for it in taking care of Rich, but I think we mentioned previously it doesn’t come naturally. I think CS knows this about us too so neither of us feel too much an insult if I’m not called here into the room. I think she knows I would take care of her if there was a real problem, just I’d be judgmental in trying to figure out if all that was necessary.

I think the waiting room here is about ½ full. It’s a good number. There is a good news channel in the background that seems sort of like CNN, but I’m not familiar with the voice. I’m not facing her so can’t be sure. There’s almost a little more news to consider it CNN. Maybe some general national news. Ahh I can hear Obama talking about a 106 year old black woman who just died, but had voted for him. It’s a good human interest story. Her name was Cooper too. She was proud for helping put Obama in place.

Maybe we’ll pick up some more news, but now it’s just a background sound. The news seems louder than people actually talking together. We can hear those voices too, but the sounds are not overly demanding. Hmm, I’m wondering if we should plug in our computer soon. There’s a plug in a very convenient place about 5 feet from me where it shouldn’t trip people up. Mark’s head is leaning over and he’s like wakened by it, but he’s not really up. He looks pretty peaceful. Not as handsome as OUR sleeping angel, but in that same variety. He kind of reminds me of a comfy bird sitting on a wire with his beak pressed into his puffy chest. I’ll have to tell Mark that. At least he’s not holding up his book as if trying to hide he’s sleeping. But, his fingers are still pressed into the pages as if he’s holding that thought. He’s kinda cute!

I watched a nurse walk in, but it doesn’t look like she’s going to ask for Mark.

I’m thinking that because the nurse said something about a vending machine to someone that maybe you can eat here. Maybe when Mark comes out he’ll bring something back. We’ll suggest it. I’m not sure if CS is going to be happy, because she’s going to want to go out and get something after, at least last time she was very hungry after.

I did eventually tell her that we had given Nathan some money. I don’t know if we told her how much … if we didn’t she’ll ask Nathan. I just told her enough for Nathan to bring Dani out to dinner. I’m not sure if she heard that or for that matter if Nate heard that. He might have seen a couple 20’s coming and thought of it as his mini-treasure that Dani doesn’t know about. Whether he did that or not we’d let it go … we wanted him to share it, but the bottom line is that he’s our nephew and like our boys we’d trust him to spend it however. He was good in that he really made sure we could do without it before taking it. That part was good. I think he doesn’t think to depend on us for anything since we’ve never really been around. I like it where a little gift can be just a little gift. It feels comfortable.

Hmm, just went to get a little coffee. It seemed like I was really draining it so we told the new administration person. I think she’ll refill it. There’s plenty of the decaf, but that’s not what we would want … pretty sure we’re going to want to fill up again though I don’t know how many more people are coming in. We might be about the end of their schedule for the day … but just in case – eh there’s no reason they shouldn’t fill another coffee. There are still people around. Good good that was done it was real nice of her. The smell of fresh coffee is always good.

Hmm, anything else of interest? I should say I guess that Rich called. He called both last night and this morning. I think he’s being really submitted into Bob’s life.

Hmm the intercom said something is ready in OR2. I wonder if that’s going to be close to Connie Sue’s team. It’s now just an hour since she went back. If she’s up she’s probably getting ancy. But, I don’t know if she’d want Mark back or if that would be a drain to her. It seems like everything is good right now the way it is.

Some new people came in so maybe there are some more operations after CS although I think she said something reflecting the belief she thought she was one of the last.

It is very much like CS to catch all the scuttlebutt going on in a hospital/doctor environment.

I must be like the subjective journalist who just likes to go on and on about any minimal peak of interest. Yup yup about it just so that we can be writing. I’m afraid that after all goes through we’re going to be very tired of sitting in a chair trying to balance a computer or to be having our fingers move this much. I should have thought about it before we typed the 10 pages we typed earlier. Maybe after a while I’ll go catch the news on-line CNN. We could also turn on the iPod about then. I don’t really know how long the Mi-fi is going to work … we didn’t have it plugged in too long. I’ll have to figure things out with thoe 3 open plugs. Two of them are together and one is separate. I hate to break up our wire holder thing again … best try to do with as little as possible as long as we can.

Maybe though … should we at least plug in the computer? Maybe we better check battery life. Ahh we’re good nice battery. We’re only at 81% and have 6 hours and 16 minutes left. Let’s really hope not to use that much!

Ok, we’re back … we were fooling around here. I’m a little worried for Mark because although he looks like he’s sleeping his left leg was bouncing up and down. I hope he’s getting real rest.

Hmm, I think we left off talking about Rich and Rich being around Bob. I don’t know if he got home in enough time to do the gym, but I know that he ate with Bob over at Bob’s house last night. I think that he was ordering out. I think they were going to work on something together, but I don’t remember what. Then when Rich called back again today, he said something about him and Bob going to play some cards. I had told him earlier, I sure hope that Bob could barely wait for me to go because he’d have so much more time with Rich. I told Rich it would be better for him to say that Bob was watching over him – then I wouldn’t feel too guilty if I didn’t go enough for Bob to get Rich.

I don’t know what else he said really, though he seemed to appreciate that I was tense and couldn’t really talk. I think I’d written about it earlier. Ok, probably did … idle time … we’ll let that go for a bit. Hmm?

Wow that was hopeful. We went to the vending machine area to check that out and no luck there, so we went to the desk to ask if they could cash a $20. They couldn’t do that … a nice lady also waiting pulled out four quarters and said she could give them to us. I didn’t want to do that, but it was a really nice thing for the lady to do.

While we were up there we thought we should check to see if she were still in pre-op because it had been over an hour, but she made the effort to call back there and the nurse came out and said that she was almost done with the procedure and that the doctor had come back for her earlier than expected. She apologized, but I didn’t think it was too heartfelt. Mark woke up by then and came over to verify the information. After he sat back down he complained lightly about West Bend doctors, but then the nurse came back and said he was sure the doctor would come out and talk to him. Personally, I think it was more that CS had asked to maintain her privacy.

But, we’re going to let that go. Mark then got up with his briefcase and left. He didn’t tell me why he was going, so I don’t know if he was going to put his case in the car or whether he was going to go to his church not too far from here as he’d originally planned to go check on his work hours so that he could be paid.

Eh … I guess either way it doesn’t matter. We’re just here to sit one way or another. I will be told to go somewhere if necessary, but I’m expecting that Mark will be back, the doctor will talk to him MAYBE and that MAYBE at some point they will come to get him. Most likely it will be when they are ready for her to go home. That’s what happened last time. They told me they’d tell me what was going on, but it wasn’t until after we asked for her they said she was almost done with recovery and I could go back. I don’t think their priority is the families, or maybe only if the patient was requesting the family. Maybe here altogether patients are of lesser importance than the doctor doing his procedure.

One way or another we’re sitting. The nurse came out for another person who’d come in after us. Back to thinking of CS in control. Ok, shhhh. That’s the way it should be right? We’re just here for her. They would tell us if they were worried about anything. Hmm, I think that Mark left. Eh … we’re just sitting here, right?

Yeeks a nurse is complaining about a young patient. So much for privacy. The whole room is hearing about it.

She’s pretty loud.

Nothing much going along here as much serious to be thinking of. AHA a lady went and got coffee see that’s significant … at least we helped her situation out.

Whoops there goes another one come in after us. Just a couple more people here waiting. I think the woman in back of us changed the channel. I sure hope that Mark comes back before CS figures out he left. Ok, shhh shhh. What is the matter with our mind? Why is it that we are so petty. I know we can do better.

Hmm they are talking about school loans and the new income base repayment plan for college loans. There’s a site CNN.com/clarkhoward ok, that’s important. Seems they are saying that you have to do your homework in getting them because the loan people aren’t real familiar with it yet. I don’t know about that, but if I recall we might look up the site for Rich if we can be paying less upfront. It’s a lot … We’re playing just over $400 a month. I know that that we loaned the money and would have to repay, but still it’s a lot to handle. Ok, it’s now about 2:30 pm. I’m thinking that Connie Sue just got back and gained some consciousness, because I heard a nurse fairly loud say hi, how are you and what is your name. Last time the room she was in was really close to this room. She had to go in a small private room do to her mercer. I guess that’s a fancy way to say staff nurse.

Hmm, someone is calling in about someone in a procedure. I don’t know if Mark would call in. I’m not sure if he would or if he would call me, or whether he’d just get back as soon as he could. Ok, microworrying over everything now … no it doesn’t have to be my business to be concerned about it. It’s really a small minor world.

This is the boat I signed up for though right?

Do da do da doo doo do. It is sure that it is CNN on in the background. I wish I understood why I’m not familiar with the voice. I guess I’m not usually on during this time period. Did I say already that it is already 2:30 pm? I think I can wait until the next bathroom trip until Mark get’s back. Maybe if it’s just another half hour I’d be able to make it through. Maybe we’ll want some more of that fresh coffee?

Ok, back. She didn’t seem to make too much coffee. Another nurse came out, but it doesn’t appear to have been CS nurse. Mark’s been gone for about 20 minutes. I wonder if he’s going to return SOON! Ok, you is this the way you usually are … let’s have a petty thought contest.

Hmm, Mark seems to have left his rock in the empty toy tray. I wonder if someone could get hurt from throwing it. Ok, well, yes that’s pretty trivial. I could see where that’s going.

I had in mind going back over my words, but I’m afraid that wouldn’t be of my liking right now … It always feels better to be typing even if the words were proving not to be of any importance. Well, somewhere there might be importance. I guess I still see it as though I will never live this life portion again and if I didn’t get it down, I’d never be able to bring it back into recall. I know so why would I want to … hmm, if you’re a writer maybe it doesn’t really matter. We just are like people with butterfly nets … we try to catch words and thoughts no matter how inconsequential. That be like our style, right?

Ok, worrying, worrying, worrying. No matter how much we think good or bad thoughts of CS or anyone in our tiny brain – we still worry about her and hope she’s doing ok. We would like no one to take advantage of her. Why would I say something like that? Well, what happen she’s not getting as good of nurse service as she deserves.

Hmm, the other nurse came from the last people in the room beside us. That means no one is more neglected than us. The nurse said something to these people about the guy asking to see his family before .

Ok, that’s new. Mark came back in and within seconds the nurses came out. They said they couldn’t find the cyst and they’d been doing only that for this long. She said that they’d been searching for it, so I read that as she’s going to be in some amount of pain afterward. She also said that they were going to start on the other part of the two –part procedure. I don’t even know clearly what surgery she is going through though I think it has something to do with either the bone chips or putting something back in the socket proper.

The nurse seemed to be very understanding in answering questions and then she said what a sweetheart she was in not wanting to ask for more help although that was her job. I could see that impression happening and Mark agreed that his wife was a sweetheart. Because with the other families having a nurse come out and saying the patient wants to see you that CS had not wanted to see anyone. I don’t know why this is still bothering us, but it seems to. I think it goes back into my ability of a person to care versus giving the impression too. Maybe it’s just a matter of are different parts and all of us having different needs, strengths and abilities.

I just remember someone saying and believing that we would be very defensive if someone didn’t take care of her proper, but then there is this other part of us knowing how manipulative she is and those different versions seem to contradict one another. Maybe part is because we don’t want to see us hurt when she’s doing things to us – like most likely telling nurses that she doesn’t want to worry us, though that be like giving them the message she is strong, brave and considerate. But, then if she was shooting for those feelings from them? Sort of like this nurse saying how selfless she is because she’s so considerate of the nurses feelings and workloads. This is another way of someone being ingratiated to her.

I wish I didn’t have to have so many of these thoughts, but then again I can recognize the kind of thinking that we have with Dr. Marvin and we know at that point it’s a matter of self-preservation. We go there trying to sort out our thoughts and feelings and we have to deal especially with hurt and anger. It is a hard thing being used. Not because she’s really a bad person, she’s just a person with many needs and holding great neediness. But, then every time I say that then we’re worrying in the same strain if we aren’t the same. I’m guessing that Dr. Marvin is getting validation that we were both raised in a home where we faced the same kinds of abuses and negligence’s. He almost seems to laugh because the things that he’s surmised over the years seems now so much more readily apparent, although it still strikes us as new news.

I wish I could hold in more thoughts of what he says and it be particularly valuable to hear or understand the relationship that we’re holding with my sister. I don’t know who if any of us could be pinned as being more or less damaged than the others. I’m guessing I’m the one at more advantage in that I’ve gotten such good doctor help out of the years. I think that when we go back we’ll ask for a more straight up comparison between us and how things were similar and now how things are the same or different. We’re thinking we want something more like a graph or maybe more of a timeline.

There has to be some reason why we get so confused and disoriented and then go through so many angry things. Even when she stops to listen to how she’s coming off of us, we are not sure that that information won’t be used against us or maybe more closely for her in absence of us. I see a lot of that with Rich too. I want to be taking care of him, but sometimes it is selfish … it’s because it makes me feel good when I’m taking care of him – so then I think it might be pretty selfish stuff. I don’t know with most people if it’s the same way. Basically, are we at a low level of caring ability where others are more heartfelt.

Sometimes we see this as worry in that we don’t get as emotional as others. But, then just the other day when we went through the experience with Maury and Joe – we were wondering

ok, more later going to get going.

posted by Ann Marie @ 12/30/2009 08:40:00 AM Comments: 0

Trying to be Nice

Good morning this is me. Today we’re up in WI. It is the day for Connie Sue to go through her second operation. I think she is pretty used to things, but she’s not looking forward to any extra pain and that always comes with surgeries. I feel bad that she has to go through it even if she does say she’s used to it. Nothing like that can be fun.

Uncle Mark and I are both going to take her. I think that’s fair and reasonable. Uncle Marky asked if we should stay or come back, and we were pretty sure to be saying that of course we’ll stay - If he wants though we can bring computers, papers or whatever to be working on during the surgery. We’ll have to set that up with him before. I’m going to need borrowing CS computer if that’s what is going to happen. She’s usually very generous though with her things. Last night I’d fallen asleep when they were playing with their Wii game and I woke up she was setting up her computer next to me with my Christmas music. I thought that was a very nice thing to do.

Hmm, we just got back from CS bathroom. She has some quilt books and magazines in there. In the book on top there are pictures of little statutes from Jim Shore and then they put the corresponding quilt pattern with it. I’m not sure if you remember, but we gave Sr. Theresa an item before of Noah’s Ark. It was a really cool boat and then the animals on deck were wearing quilted covers and the boat was above some 3D fishes extended up by little metal rods. It was really cool when I saw it. I was surprised to see it here. But, it would figure, I’m finding that in a lot of areas CS and us still have the same kind of interests or tastes. I’ll point it out when she gets up.

We had some nice Christmas surprises when we got here. Rich opened his gift first … he had a few things in his Christmas stocking, but then his major present was a battery starter – I can’t remember by which company, but it was name brand. He didn’t expect something so nice and he was taken back by it I think. Our family is a little different than his family in that our families gifts are usually better.

That’s probably part of the frustration in not being able to get better gifts. I think CS and Mark were understanding.

Uncle Mark got his two boomboxes. I’m not sure what he is going to do with the second better one, but the lesser of the two, he shined up really spiffy and took it to work with him. I thought he’d take both because I pointed out he could have one downstairs and one upstairs. I think he put it in the janitor’s closet and seemed already of last night to be sharing it with the maintenance guy who was also pleased to be hearing the Vikings play the bears. I wish I could have cleaned it up first, but we sat by Uncle Mark as he went over it carefully with Q-tips. I felt good in that it was going somewhere where the person respected it. It is not of value in that it is about 10 years old – mine, Maury’s was newer, but the thing was that there was never anything wrong with them and they weren’t over used or abused. Just I found other ways like Rhapsody of getting music without buying CD’s or tapes, or in listening to commercials. I felt good about that gift.

CS gift was nice, but not nearly as much fun as the gifts she had given me. I gave her the leather laptop case that had come with one of the laptops Thom had given me. It’s a good case and should be big enough for her computer, but it was nothing as grand … we’re still trying to get over that. There were smaller gifts like the popcorn package Sister had given us, a candle with a penguin and a Noel bell and a stuffed Christmas bear, and then there was the picture that was made at work with the firecracker like sparkles. I really liked the picture and thought CS might appreciate the shape and color. It reminded me of quilt patches.

Connie Sue gave us several things. The first one I played with was a ½” tape labeler. I like that gift a lot. I think CS knows that I will be using it to label the quilts I cut out for her. That makes a lot of sense for me and I think it makes the work look and feel more professional. She gave us some extra ½” strips too some in different papers like one is see-through. We made a couple of signs for her and taped them to her fridge. One says welcome back Uncle Marky and the other one says thank you for the gift to CS. I don’t know if she’s spotted her sign yet. We’ll check that out today.

I think everything that I got was quilt related. The biggest gift I think was from … well they were all from Ann’s Quilted Basket, but the pattern and material was especially from her shop. It is a civil war pattern. I’m looking forward already to be making something different. I need to finish the fish though. Maybe I can work on it later today. I didn’t bring anything but that, even though I know CS has other things for me to be doing like finishing the design for Thom’s quilt on her big computer.

There are about 3 little packages of stuff – basically quilt designs where we’ll pick out our own material. But, one of the little packages has 3 cutting things that cut out 7 patterns and then basically the special thing about them is they cut out from 2 ½” strips. That is like the most popular size material that is sold in strips that width and about 42 or 44” in millions of different colors. That was another gift she’d gotten. She got two batik packages with different colors that were 2 ½”. That is going to mean that I should be making up some special quilts.

Maybe they won’t be as big, but they are going to be a lot of fun. There’s some design ideas with the directions that look really fun. I can hardly wait to be doing the next thing and the next. Just gotta finish some fishes.

And, last there were a couple magazines and a couple of cutting rulers. One was for the log cabin pieces and the other was for the pineapple pieces. I don’t know a lot about cutting, but I do know about those things. Our first quilt made with CS and the one we’ll make for Joe and Cari is a log cabin. It consists of making a piece next to a piece – small squares, and then wrapping a bigger and bigger rectangle around it. Commonly they are about 3 layers thick and with alternating bright and dark colors. I’ve already got one cut-out and ready to go. I might be taking it home with me this time. But, we still have to finish Thom’s quilt first. I’d like to have his done by April and Joe’s done by July. Maybe there will be time for other quilts too in-between. Along with the teaching magazines are like we said the special cut-out rulers. My log-cabin one will make finished 1 or 2” rectangles. It seems fairly easy to use … although I learned more from studying the ruler and reading directions than from the presentation Ann made while we were at the quilt weekend. I understand that is where CS got all this stuff. I didn’t know. Hehehe it didn’t surprise me that Ann had helped CS with her purchases. I have to admit … I’m extremely happy with them.

There were other things that happened yesterday, but maybe not as exciting as getting cool gifts. I had fun after we’d open them and after Mark went to the church to work and CS went to lie down and Rich left back for Chicago. Basically that was the time to explore and play with our new toys. There was one thing too that I’m not sure if we’ll tell Rich about, but we gave Nathan $40 last night to take Dani out to dinner. He was very questioning of it and I figured that CS had told him that we were pretty poor. But, I insisted that he took it especially being he was our only nephew. I would have like to give them more, but I was pressing things already. Rich had given us $160 out of our account about $100 will go for medicine I need while up here, so that gave me $40 for Nathan and Dani and $20 more to spend. Maybe medicine won’t cost that much, but maybe it will. We were pretty sure we weren’t going to spend much on being up here. It does mean that I probably won’t be treating out for dinner, but I most likely will use the money toward something up here. Rich said something about bringing him back the change, but I just don’t see how that’s going to happen. It’s just that I felt pretty strong that I wanted to give the kids something … kids is like what Christmas is all about.

We had also gone out for dinner before Rich left. I guess it was more like lunch and then I ate the leftovers last night for dinner. I like it when sometimes it’s a free-for-all. CS knows I like making good use of leftovers. We had eaten the sampler plate so had leftover onion rings, chips, wings, and cheese sticks. Hehehe we gave our olive from the bloody mary to Macey. I’m not sure if she saw that coming, but she ate it none-the-less. Good girl.

I’m thinking now we should take a break and get our shower in and dressed so we can take our medicine proper. It’s about 7:50 am and everyone else is in bed. CS has been up, but goes back to bed. She sleeps lightly. I’d like to be done before everyone is moving around. I’ll wait until she’s up before messing with her sewing machine. Back to the fishes, right? I’ve got 6 more to do before the top is done. I sure would like to get it done. We had originally thought this Christmas holiday we would work on the long arm downstairs, but I’m not sure about that … Without CS being able to get around or do the stairs, I think it might be too much to learn on my own. We’ll have to figure that out out loud with her, because if we don’t do it that way we’re going to have to reserve a time and pay for her friend Cari to quilt the tops. I think she can only do one at a time, so maybe we’ll have to go to her secondary person. The job won’t be as fancy, but the fish will get done. Personally, I’d just like a simple clam design, but I’m not sure that’s just easily doable, we’ll run it past CS and check out the cost.

Ok for now … let’s not be lazy. Shower!

Good good, we’ve done that and we’re good to go. I took the shower, dressed, did the medicine, took out the dogs and gave them a real good petting. CS has been up since then and she was like poking around doing this or that. She’s already thinking of getting Thom’s stuff out. I’m pretty lazy, but still want the shaver to go out. She’s offering to do it before we go to the surgery, but that means I might have to do something and I’m not so crazy about that area. I don’t like doing stuff where I don’t know what I’m doing and requires sitting around while someone else is going through it where I’m just aimless. I’m a very goofy person.

Sometimes I can’t figure out what’s wrong with us. I do know that we’re going to need holding onto the part where I want Thom to get the shaver. That will help.

CS said something about Mark going later … that might be a good idea. I can’t imagine me going into a strange post office. I know, I know just lazy, right?

Well, ok that and easily confused and cranky. *Sigh*

That’s about enough of that. I think CS is going to do her shower. It’s about 8:30 am and all is still relatively quiet. I think we’re going to have to ask her for directions on how to use the sewing machine before she goes into surgery, because we’re pretty sure she’s going to be sleeping afterward. I really do need to do that. Hmm, I wonder what I did with my directions for Thom’s quilt. I could be doing that this morning.

Yeeks we’re close to having a melt down. CS took Thom’s shaver out of the big protected box and she’s messing with it. She said something about wanting to see it, but in our way of thinking it was already packed in a secure bigger cushioned box, so we didn’t want to mess with it, but she gets into her own mind and there’s no arguing with her and then we’re just left to trying not to be cranky. I have to dismiss myself from it … if she’s going to do it then so be it. I just have to be patient. I could figure it out, but that kind of stuff is hard for me. I hate being cranky.

Better go on to something else. I have to assume if she’s doing it then she knows something about what she’s trying to do. Just be calm and patient right?

I don’t know what next to be thinking about. Just trying not to be cranky. We have to remember some of the stuff that Dr. Marvin has said about the relationship and some of the other stuff we’re not going to go in to here. It hurts our brain.

Just be patient, right?

Last night we had a hard time and forced ourselves into falling asleep. CS had gotten her and Mark a Wii system and Mark had complained about it to me on our own, but then Mark had said before going to church that if it were ok, he’d like us to watch a Star Trek show with him after he got back. CS said something about him not asking her, so he did and then she said she wasn’t interested, but I told Mark I would do it. And, then CS came out and pushed that they be doing the Wii, but she was woozy and did a terrible job of doing the simplest of setting things up. She wasn’t following the directions and she was holding everyone hostage as to figuring things out the slow way. I got so frustrated. I tried to tell her a couple of times what she needed to do like in calibrating the machine, but she didn’t want to listen … she had her own agenda. So, basically, again we forced ourselves into sleep. Eventually, I understand her and Mark got something going and played bowling or something. I was asleep. I had told her earlier I wasn’t interested in playing the games. But, she’d determined that she’d gotten it and that people were going to enjoy her purchase.

I suppose this is all my regular negative thinking. I just hate to be forced into things. It was taking her SOOOO long … and I didn’t understand just sitting and sitting … to Mark’s credit though he was very patient with her. Somewhere in there I woke up for a few moments to hear them patiently going through things together.

It did me good to think that they could work in that level of slow mode and that Mark was being so patient and CS wasn’t trying to over-dominate, but would let Mark guide her a bit. I could see Mark’s years of patience in teaching in that he didn’t push, but worked gently on meeting the objectives of playing the game. That was a nice thing. I didn’t stay conscious too long. I just left a mark in my mind that they were working together at the pace they probably do at other times when I’m not around. So at that we let it be into the night.

I don’t know what CS is doing now. She’s disappeared into the back. She tends to just move from one thing to another sometimes getting things done sometimes just working toward things that are more gradual. She might be for that matter taking her shower, she mentioned that as something that she was going to want to be doing. So, that’s fine. Just need to relax our mind. It’s better since we’ve let our medicine work. I’ve got to remember though too to order the medicine. I’m good for today and tomorrow, but will need something by Thursday.

It’s been arranged that Rich is going to bring his daughter to Milwaukee on Thursday morning. I think she has a 10:30 am or so plane, and then he will continue up to here to get me. That really worked out well. I think that Chris was a little put out that he was going to bring her and not him when he wanted to be picked up at 1 am in the morning, but then Rich couldn’t really tell him that he was going to be in the area to get me. It’s like in that camp, I’m not really able to be mentioned in conversation. I think it’s a hard thing to deal with for me, but I’m imagining it’s hard for Chris too from his perspective, so for now we just keep pretending that I’m invisible. That seems to have been a chief complaint growing up, but then that’s kind of the deal we signed up for. As long as Chris isn’t interested in meeting me or seeing Rich’s place then we just have to let that go. I’d like to think he’s at a loss, but then maybe this is just the way it’s going to go possibly forever. *sigh*

We had gotten up to the point of having been with Jillian and Dawna on Saturday night. That was very nice. I felt very comfortable with the girls. I couldn’t tell you if I wanted to what kinds of things we were talking about, just that it seemed familiar stuff and very comfortable. I felt all smiley just thinking of who I was sitting at the table with. I liked both the girls A LOT! The next morning we went to the Hi-view restaurant with Joe and that was very nice too. I missed that Cari wasn’t there, but she’d gotten sick.

Joe gave us our present of a couple of pictures of he and Cari and their male and female boxing gloves. I love the pictures. I had saw them on-line when Jacki took a picture of Joe’s grandma and that she’d gotten the same. I was hoping then that we would too. One of the pictures they are kind of cuddled together with big bright smiles, and then in the second picture they are like back to back with tough guy expressions as if they were Mr. and Mrs Joe Bond hehehe I love it! I thought that was it and was ready to go on, but then Joe reached around his neck and pulled out a most wonderful scarf that Cari had made. She had just asked the day before which colors I liked best and I had thought after seeing his grandma’s picture that they might mat something for me. I had forgotten completely that Cari makes scarves and other things like it.

I told Cari that I liked best like a moss green and a matching deeper red … and that’s the colors she put in my scarf. MANOMAN! I couldn’t have asked for a better gift. I’m so happy with it. It’s real soft material and it goes very well with my red coat. I just fell for it heads over tails. I’m so lucky to be getting her in the family. I think she makes Joe very happy and he her. It’s a good match.

The conversation at the breakfast table was comfortable and it seemed that everyone was getting a chance to talk. This kind of conversation reminded me of the kind I’d missed so much when I used to meet Joe at DeKalb. It was pleasant and involving and just plain nice. Joe seemed a little less angry at me than he had in the past. He wrote something in his card about me getting to know Cari better and us being more family like. You couldn’t have dreamed a better and more looked forward to statement. We agreed that we could meet at least every 4-6 weeks and that would help a lot. I’m looking forward to it and because Joe is economical neither of us mind meeting at the hi-view where things aren’t so terribly expensive of fancy. It’s a good deal. I look more forward to talking with the two of them.

I’d really like to get to know Cari better. It seems she gets a long very well with Joe’s dad and his wife, but there’s no reason we can’t get along too. It doesn’t have to be competitive. Just I don’t want to be ignored like we have been lately. I don’t mean to get grumpy about this – just I miss not having an active relationship with my kids.

I think we’re not going to be meeting them on this next following weekend, but that maybe we can still take Maury out on Saturday. I think something though is going on with Rich and Chris in that because his girl Christy can’t get off on New Year’s Day, they are going to go to his mother’s on Saturday instead. This means I get Rich on New Year’s Day and New Year’s Eve. He said something about doing a turkey on the first, and I added that if he wanted he could invite Bob over. I did say that on New Year’s eve I wanted him all by himself. I just love the thought of starting a new year with our lover bunny. 

Maybe we can go out with Maury on Sunday for breakfast at Toni’s again. He said something about being in this weekend. So, that would be a cool thing. It would really finalize this big holiday season when there’s been so much visiting and such.

Hmm, CS has the same Skype sticker on her computer as Rich did on his – just noticed that. If I were either of them I’d taken it off, but I better let it be because it’s not my computer, right?

I think CS is almost out of the shower. I asked her before and she said she thought it take about a half hour to show me what she needed to show me on her sewing machine. Can’t emphasize enough making some progress on the sewing – I really took a big break in that I had worked so long and hard on cutting the pieces. I really enjoyed that though and had filled a pretty big container. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but Ame really wanted to use the few bigger pieces that had been cut. She doesn’t quite have the system down of sewing small patches or expected them to go together. We have to get past the part of her being a little fearful of the machine. She sat back from it and didn’t naturally reach out to hold or guide the material. She did it half-heartedly with her left hand while her right hand held back her hair. *Sigh* All to be learned … I should have shown her more of what it looked like, but we’d gotten stuck doing it all in the living room where we could be more social, but then I had to give her the foot stool so she could do the pedal and that left me on the floor un-assessable to using the foot pedal. We didn’t want to further push her away by making her lose her chair.

The next time we will use the kitchen table so we can both work on it comfortably.

I’m still going to need come up with a place for it. We need a cover for it and we need a place to leave it out, but out of the way. I had thought it go under the dishes on the lower shelf, but it turns out to be too tall. For the time being we left it at the back table per Rich’s directions, but I really don’t want to leave it there. Maybe we are going to have to adjust one of the shelves on the bookcase and put it there. There’s a lot of stuff there that could use some re-arranging.

I left all the little stuff in one of the plastic bins and we put that back under
the bed. Fortunately, I was able to get in both bins. The other one is still empty, but I plan on putting in more cut pieces. I don’t mean to hold them back from CS and I think we’re going to have to ask her again about it and if there weren’t certain size pieces she’d like back here at her house. I know she’s also struggling for space, but all this material has come from her and I want to be fair in getting it back to her. Just have to check it out.

Ok, we’re back. We used the washroom and got ourselves some Mountain Dew. We ran into CS. She was just finishing getting dressed. She’s downstairs now looking for Thom’s box. She decided to do one big one for both books and shaver. I wish I could think of something else to give him. I know she wants to do a special card, but I’m more like this kid is breaking my heart and its hard to think of him. I don’t know why we’re freezing up, but really this is not my house and I don’t want to put a lot of someone else’s stuff in there because it’s one not mine, and two not Thom’s style. Basically I just want to put a note on it saying we loved him and hoped it been a Merry Christmas.

Ok, good good. We made a sticker from our new label maker. That’s about as much fussing as I can do. Yeeks. She said because she got the box I could do the rest and I’m really not the fussing type. She asked if she should wrap it and I’m like I want you to be inconvenienced as little as possible, but that I don’t want to do it more. I’m more like the one that just sits at the computer and thinks – not does. Moving is hard for me and if we’re going to be up we’re certainly not going to be up moving around people that are up. Too much, too much.

We’re just going to try and pretend and maybe it will go away. Things feel hard.

Good, she’s doing it. This is probably the wrong kind of thinking, but it’s hard for me to do that kind of thing. I feel younger, but not totally irresponsible; just don’t want to interact with anyone. It’s hard being me, because I have to handle being around people and not having them expect anything from me. Dr. Marvin says to be careful because of the amount of manipulating CS does and now she’s doing something that I should be doing and I still feel strong armed.

Now she’s talking to me and we’re trying to pretend we’re invisible. This is sort of the feeling I have when we’re around our Mother. We just need a place to be out of the way. We just told her we’re one of the parts that is not very helpful and then she said it was fine because she had anxious energy to be spending. That seems then like a good compromise. I’ll just sit here being helpless. Rich would say something like I should get up and take responsibility, but I’m pretty sure I’m not a responsible part. I think I could stretch for Thom, but not while someone else is around hovering. And, I wouldn’t know how to do anything, but box it and put on an address and then take it to the post office and have them tell me what to do. I can feel my eyebrows furl over thinking this is all too hard, but then CS wants to do something here with labels and such and we’re like way over our league and we DON’T want to learn a hard way to do something. This is the kind of thing we would take to the UPS guy and say send it here and how much money do you want.

Hmm, she’s studying the computer I think she wants to do some hard stuff, but no no no … we can’t do it!

Hmm, we’ve been here before haven’t we. Maybe I should eat something? Hmm, there’s pie in the fridge! Maybe we should have a piece of that. That would make me feel better. Dog is barking … this is like one of those things that is too hard. I don’t know if I could get up where she wasn’t trying to tell me to do something. We’re going to make a terrible nurse. Rich says we’re to make ourselves available and just do things that she needs and asks for. We’re concentrating all our energy to being able to do something like that, but I guess the magic hasn’t happened yet. *sigh*

Hmm, we just ate a piece of chocolate pie. It was very good. There’s one piece left, but I figured I shouldn’t take both pieces, right. We told CS that we were pretty sure we could get ourselves a piece of pie. I think she understands to some extent. She’s still fussing around on the computer, but then she’s into this and that and has veered off course. We offered her her own computer back, but she says she doesn’t need it.

There I did a good Ann. We put the books and shaver in a box WITH our love you label, and we added a picture of the three boys when they were young, and then we put the air bubble in and we taped the box shut … she’s still messing around with the computer, but that was about how much endurance we had. We let Macy out too, but this messin is just like last night when the messing takes too much time and it gets us frustrated. We told her we would just take it to the UPS store and they would fix it and make sure that we covered the cost. It’s just my tolerance level. I think we get that from our parents. It’s a horrible quality.

Ok, just blow it off … about time to go into something else, right? I like the music and it doesn’t seem to be bothering her too much yet. I expect she’s going to want to watch one of her shows sometime in here, but she might be having a hard time concentrating too. Just let it be. She says Mark will need to get up within the hour. It’s about 10:15 pm and he’s still sleeping and that we have to leave at 11:30 am. So, I’m in favor of waking him up in 15 minutes. That way he can think through with us if he wants to bring any of his homework, or if he just wants to bring his computer and I would bring CS computer … I have permission to do that now. Either way … just if we can get some of his work done, he’d be having a nicer vacation this week, because it wouldn’t pile up on him. I asked CS about it and she wasn’t sure what had to be done. It might be just thrown away or it might be necessary to grade it and then throw it away? I’m not sure … seems like that sort of stuff should go back to the student?

I feel a little funny knowing that some of them probably tried to do a good job with it and then here it was … just all stacked up on someone’s kitchen table. I suppose that be the way things get done in the real world.

Hmm, she’s coming out with all this stuff she said is sewing stuff. *sigh* it will be ok, she said let me know when you want to learn this … I’m avoiding whining, but said instead we might as well do it now. And, then she sat down with the other stuff so said she had just given me a heads-up why didn’t she just be more direct?

Ok, stop whimpering. Now Uncle Marky is up. He wasn’t very clear on what there was to do with that stuff. He said something about lesson plans and that most of the work was probably recorded already, so we aren’t going to worry about it … we figure we better bring CS computer. We plugged in the mi-fi card so that would be ready. I hope it has enough time to charge. We’ve got just over an hour. Mark came out all dressed and everything so that was a bit of a surprise. Go Mark!

Ok, just more putzing around. She’s still on the computer. She updated Mark’s security. I know she doesn’t usually go a straight line. It’s bothersome waiting for her to do one thing when she’s doing other stuff too. It’s an inconvenient wait. Best to just disregard for the present and come back to it later. I wish I wasn’t so crabby or demanding. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. She’s doing something nice for me, but I am still crabby. She’s trying to figure out the AP address … I said we’ll just ask when we get there and that it was taking too long and too much energy. But, then she said she was doing other stuff too, and it was like well Yah! We know that. Ok, you be patient, be patient. Just calm down.

She then just asked Mark if we could stop by a mailing place nearby. He said fine. And, ok, then that’s enough. Case closed put away our thinking caps. But, she’s still putzing over that. I think she has a hard time if she doesn’t have all the answers, but I figure why study up … we can just ask them how to do it. It’s their job.

This is why we didn’t write from here before … we spend too much time complaining.

I hate this about us. We just complained again …. And she said she’s updating her program. Ok, FINE … so she’s off our wooden nickel. She grumbled back. I figure we’re getting very pesty, just we don’t like being open to all that someone is trying to do something for us, because then we’re going to owe something back and that’s not where we want to be because it’s always somewhere inconvenient … like updating stuff and we’re still going to have to go through learning the sewing machine, but now we have to stop by the other place it’s already 10:30 am and things are going to be getting rushed. Why can’t we do something in order and straight through. I think this comes from not going to work and having to do something on schedule with or in and around other people. She’s learned to mozey.

Ok, we’re back to me complaining and complaining for no obvious reason other than everything seems to be an irritant. I have little patience or tolerance. That part is just a fact, right? I’m not having fun. I hate to be tied up with other people … just give me free open and easy country. Dependencies they are terrible.

Oh man no she’s saying something about UPS not accepting AP addresses and we got cranky saying that I thought you were updating your program. She said she was … but but … yeah … and that’s the part I didn’t want to be responsible for was that she still was messing with the package. THEN FINE … we’ll go to the post office, but now she’s saying that we’ll leave earlier. Did we just say that? But, she is still sitting there still mucking around. Just give us a new time or let us mail it later. This is NOT worth this kind of bother or focus. Lordy, why is this so hard. I know she is trying to do something hard.

Dr. Marvin said this is part of the manipulations. She’s trying to irritate me into a mood … and we’re falling for it. Undoubtedly, she got unpleasant feelings about the surgery, and that’s being transferred on to me by doing all this stuff we didn’t want to be doing before the surgery. I don’t want to be beholden. She spends the extra time and then we are supposed to be indebted to her. But, it would be easier to just do ourselves. Lord I hate this sort of thing. We just have to calm down right? Shoot have we been here.

That would figure … Rich must have been feeling my pressure. He guessed right that we couldn’t talk, but that I’d been building up frustration. He was laughing with us and helped take the pressure down. So then when we got off-line we asked her when should we be leaving. And, she guessed 15 minutes but worried that it would be enough time. Like don’t be worried about us we can be ready whenever, but then she said we should leave in 15 minutes because she needed to print out the label, but now or at least since she’s been fussing around again. I said that if you need time to do all that and we’d be spending less time at the post office, then we could leave at 11:15 am – which is a half hour. She still hadn’t told Mark the time so then it would be like he would make us late because he doesn’t know he’s got a new deadline.

I think the morphine pump is making her a little unorganized. I hate double booking time. And, she wanted to get all the sewing done too that just wasn’t going to happen. I could or probably said something like that before. Doesn’t she have a sense of time? Hmm, she’s up … had to remind her to tell Mark, but she said she was on her way and going to do that. I thought the way she putzes she was going to need that extra time. She hasn’t played with the dishwasher or done the dogs yet. I know she’s going to want to go through all that too. Maybe we better close up so we can do some of that stuff.

She’s still messing with the labels. How long have we been talking about this? 5 Pages? Ok, Shhh … post, get your shoes on and take the dogs out, k? We’ll hopefully get going and not worry so much. Maybe just tense. Let’s not take it out on others, k? Especially, when she’s trying to help. Let’s practice BEING NICE!

posted by Ann Marie @ 12/29/2009 10:50:00 AM Comments: 0

Christmas post happy person!!!

Good morning. This is me and it is the day after Christmas. Thom and I’ve connected and now we are virtually shopping together. Well, since Thom is looking and I’m typing, maybe it’s more like virtual message box waiting Hehehe … woohoo … we got to shop together!

I mean really together. I found the shaver that he took. He was being a careful shopper too. We got him a Panasonic ES8109S Wet/Dry Shaver with Nano Technology and HydraClean System!

AHA! This is it!



Nice, hmm? Well, actually I don’t know how it is supposed to look, but this is the one we got. It does cleaning too and is set to work in foreign countries. It is supposed to have a adaptable voltage thing. We had to ship it to Connie Sue’s because they couldn’t ship to APO address. That’s ok, we got 1 day shipping and then it should arrive by Monday at her place. If we were really lucky it would get there before Rich left and we could go to the mail box with it, the books, and the CARF stuff sitting in the car.

I am so excited to have done what we did with Thom. He said he was looking at American stores, and then we went to Amazon and found a nice one 4.5 or better of 5 rating out of 210 people. That’s good stuff. I really depend on the Amazon ratings – very helpful. Thom must have too because before I recommended he was reading the reviews. He said it seemed good. AND, he said he could wait the few days for it so we’re very excited to have gotten him something he wants and needs. Good Mom! It was marked down from $179 to $110 too so I wasn’t too much over-budget – so Rich can say GOOD ANN!

Yesterday turned out to be a nice day. You heard how the first part had gone with Rich – I think a pretty good day. He had an extra gift laying in the bedroom right before we left for his mothers. We were very surprised!

I tried to get the headphones to work on the way out, but I’d forgotten to bring the directions so that didn’t work out so good. We had a good drive with Rich both ways.

We got there about 30 minutes late, but we had to stop at the bathroom because of me so that ate up some minutes. Also we ran into some bad traffic with the snow coming down. Rich’s brother and nieces were at his Mom’s and Bud’s. It still took awhile after we got there for the dinner to be put down on the table. That seemed ok, especially because Rich stayed in the kitchen and helped Bud. His mother gave the directions. I didn’t hear too much fighting, but Rich said afterward, he had had to intercede some. I was very glad that he volunteered to work with them. It assisted his mother and Bud in staying calm and not feeling overly put out.

I heard Bud say twice to his granddaughter’s that they’d have to help in the kitchen washing dishes afterward. They kinda blew him off. I volunteered naturally right after dinner was done, but Bud was like … no sit down and relax. So we said ok, but after a bit when it became clear the granddaughter’s weren’t going to work in the kitchen, I sorta slid in and did the minimal work that had to be done. They had an empty dishwasher so nothing was very hard.

I talked to Mark and his two kids and watched Mark’s grandson. Chance is about 5-6 years old and was heavily invested in a hand game he’d gotten for Christmas from someplace else. That seemed ok, because it gave the adults more time to talk. I tried very hard to stay in the conversation, but sometimes it was just between father and his girls, and very often it was just between the two girls. They seem to lean on each other for emotional support. I think they accept their father, but they didn’t really grow up with him, so there is always some mental distance. He tries very hard to interact and please them. Mark is gruff, but sensitive underneath.

Dinner was very good and I had a full helping. They had cooked spiral ham and had a lot of extra fixings. Everyone was able to sit at the extended table, though Chance did not eat and played his game through dinner. Having children around during Christmas is very nice, but it’s nice too when they have their interest tuned into something. Last Christmas we met, he ran around a lot and people gut a little ruffled. I talked to Rich beforehand how everyone took their turn on telling him he was going to be spanked. Not Rich of course, but the others. It was hard on my nerves. This time they were still doing things like saying they were going to take away his gifts if he didn’t behave. That’s a horrible thing to say to a kid on Christmas. He really wasn’t doing anything wrong. The mother said and the Aunt and the boyfriend said … he acts up a LOT. I think with that many adults and so few kids, there are probably issues on boundaries. BUT, I’m a distant person in the family … so will stay out of all that.

I enjoyed seeing Rich’s two nieces again. Crystal had a new camera and was taking plenty of pictures. Her boyfriend Tom had gotten the camera and he seemed a little overdone and she was … well excited to be taking pictures. It’s always fun to see someone with a new toy they love. I think Brandy is the shier one, but we had a nice thing happen in that we shared a couple wine coolers. I liked that part a lot. It gave me a way to interact with them – although limited. I like the girls basically. They are still young, Hehehe but at 50 years of age young is different.

Actually the girls are about 28 and almost 30.

After dinner there was presents to open. Rich and I had an agreement I think with his Mom and Bud that our presents to them and theirs to us wouldn’t be opened until Sunday with Jon and Jillian. That seemed like a good idea, but it was a little uncomfortable in that I was the only one without presents. But, alas – let’s think back to the part of being 50 … and figuring out that’s ok, too. The really fun part is watching Chance – the great grand nephew open gifts. He didn’t spend too much time looking at the gifts, but his face seemed to relay that he was pleased with them. I think mostly he was getting hot wheel things and he got a device and some books so that he can learn to read to himself. It was some kind of print reader – maybe with some kind of a wand. The stories looked to be something that would interest him.

The gifts at Rich’s parents are usually small, but the girls each got a little money along with Chance, and Mark got a couple shirts, some pants, and a belt from Rich.

There was some disagreement on sizes in that Rich thinks his brother needs bigger sizes and his brother thinks small sizes. Rich’s point was that he was wearing smaller pants only because they fastened under his stomach. *sigh* They are brothers. I don’t think the brother liked his shirts too much, because they weren’t the regular kind with animals such as wolves on them, but then Bud gave him a shirt with pictures so he was at least excited by that - Rich’s shirts although T-shirt style would be considered fancy because there were no pictures on them.

I think that Mark was touched that he should get so many presents even though there were only two boxes for him from Rich. He got from the others too so that was very nice. He seemed to be saying as if he didn’t deserve all the packages. We might have said something about him being more valuable than he might be thinking. He’s really worked hard in his life and is of rougher cut than Rich, but he is Rich’s brother, so he deserves the best!

After presents there was a little time to eat some strawberry cake before we left.

That was nice. Again the girls and Mark took the back of the mobile home living room and we sat with Rich and his Mom and Bud. There wasn’t too much stress so that was nice. I had commented to Bud once to be nice. I think this is standard for us too because Bud almost seemed to expect it. I think we got one of those out on Mark too. His reaction was that he was never good, but we disagreed with him. Just told him he had to be nice.

I’ve really got no business do this, but I think if there is one thing I can pass on to the family – especially at the Bud, Mark, Mom level is that they should be nice to each other. None of them have so many other people in their life that this connection shouldn’t be treated as any other then golden. I’m in that boat too. I have very little family and I consider them part of me. The selfish part is that it turns my stomach in weird directions to have so much arguing, so on that behalf I’m selfish. I want things to be peaceful and loving. I’ll work toward that.

As a whole it turned out to be a pleasant event. There was the traditional problem of smoking I tried hard to work with … Rich’s Mom, brother, two nieces, and Crystal’s boyfriend all smoke and it’s done in a very small mobile home. At one point I got permission to turn on the fan, but toward the end it was making Rich’s Mom too cold so it got turned off. It was much nicer with it on, but I wouldn’t want to chill her. It did have something to do though with how long I felt comfortable staying. I really needed some fresh air in the end. Maybe that’s what happens to people who don’t smoke. All I can do is apologize to Rich over and over again for being a smoker for such a long time. Lord please let him forgive me.

AND, let my granddaughter’s forgive me … my children? I’m not so sure. Still remember me walking into Maury’s house and him fabreezing me. That’s a hard egg to swallow.

Ok, enough of that. Rich seemed to have a pretty good night. He didn’t seem to argue with anyone while he was there. There was a small melt-down just before getting there between us. We had stopped at a gas station to use the washroom and I came out with an 82 cent package of cookies. That pretty much tilted Rich in the wrong direction. It took a little work to get us nice again – by that I mean the two of us. We usually take the position that sounds like – you are not the boss of us! And, he’s like when are you ever going to learn.

After a few moments of that we were like … does this mean you are going to be mean to us at your mother’s house. Frozen reaction. But, we talked and things settled down. Rich is quick to displease, but doesn’t usually hold a real grudge. We talked of some of the nervous scary feelings we were going through – we knew in the past that we are a nervous eater AND we were hungry although Rich was sure we were going to spoil our appétit.

He said I thought you like my Mother. And, we had to agree, we really did like his mother, but there were somethings that were harder for me to handle like the smoking and loud yelling. I really had a lot of trouble with both of them while young and having it at the holidays seemed that much more difficult. I could imagine out where everyone would sit and what kind of conversations or voice tense and how the girls would react between them and how the adults would treat Chance, and how But would treat his wife. I really don’t have too much negative in the way Rich and I are together. We are always very nice to each other and others – though sometimes Rich will argue with his brother or yell at his Mom. Then we get cranky after we are alone together in the car.

Always it seems there is some kind of debriefing. This is what I thought, or that is what he thought. Afterward, we both sort of let that go and we are back to talking about things that Rich and I talk about. Not so much arguing or disappointments as when things don’t go real well with his Mom’s. Usually Rich allows me room to be myself, but might complain especially if I overeat. I really do love the hell out of Rich. I’d go in to his family situation no matter how tough, just because I want to support him and help him be happy. That’s sorta-like my job! Hehehe

So that’s about it of that. We were glad to get home, although we remember commenting to Rich how much we enjoyed being in the car with him. During the last few miles the traffic was slow so we were getting a little ancy to be at home. I had in mind that we were going to wrap the granddaughter’s presents. It took us a while to get there in that we came home and felt a little zombie like especially while Rich was still in the bathroom. We both slipped into our pajamas as soon as possible and made sure the smoky stuff got to the dirty clothes. I was disappointed although I expected my new shirt from Rich to be smelly. That’s just the way it is I guess.

After not too long, Rich and us fell into our grooves. He was in his chair and with computer watching the old Sherlock Holmes, and we sat on the couch with wrapping paper and presents listening to Sherlock Holmes. It was a very pleasant space, and like I’d expected after you wrap a few presents it comes back to you and there you go! We wrapped a LOT of presents. Most of them came directly from CS so we were more than appreciative of all she’d given us. Some of the things won’t be as exciting to two little girls, but I think at their age the joy of unwrapping and having surprises goes a long way.

In our minds it’s all worked out so that when they come here and see the clothing boxes under the tree, we figure one of them will ask if that is their presents.

Hehehe I’m so pretty sure of that it gives me fits of giggles. Then we’re going to say … oh, I’m sorry no those aren’t for you. I’ll be able to watch their faces unsmile for just a second, and then we’re going to say we put YOUR presents under the bed and forgot to take them out! And, then they will follow me into the bedroom, we will unroll the large container from under the bed all the way into the living room and have at it!

There’s no presents for anyone, but the girls. I am going to let Isa open the first present and she’ll get the little battery operated sewing machine. And, then we’ll let Ame open the next package and she’ll get the coffee container with small sundries. After that we’ll let them each pick out a present every other child until all the presents are open.

We’re going to have to say that most of the presents should stay here that are sewing orientated. There are a few extra that aren’t for sewing like the clay, but most of it we’ll say will go back in the plastic container under the bed. We’ll need to say something about them having so many things at their father’s and mother’s and grandmother’s place, that this will mean they have stuff at this grandma’s house to play with. I hope that’s going to be ok. It’s the part of the plans I’m most scared of, but I will tell them that anything they make at Grandma Ann’s can be taken home or given to anyone they want. I hope that helps even things out. And we have some small plastic packages of foam pieces they can cut and glue right away so something is going home just in the brief time here. I DON’T mind if the clay goes home because that stuff can be a mess. *giggle* well there has to be some fun for grandma too!

I figure after they get all through with the rather small packages, that Ame is going to say – is that all the packages. And, we’ll put on our thinking face and say, well it seems there are maybe just ONE or TWO packages left. And, then we’re going to go back in the bedroom with them and we’re going to get Isa’s box of fabric and Ame’s sewing machine. I know that they will share things more than that, but I’m sure they will each open and spend some ownership of both. Ame can be the one sewing for now, but she’s going to need Isa’s cloth and Ame is going to make something out of the cloth and that can go somewhat to Isa. I’ll suggest to even things out that Ame do that relatively soon … And, we’ll also have a way to break things up because Isa will get the little battery sewing machine.

*sigh* I hope at least this is the way it happens and I’m really so extremely happy with it – the plans at least that I’m feeling filled up with glo-worms. I’ll figure on appreciating deviations from the plan as spontaneous … so we’re really planning on not being disappointed.

I’m afraid the worst thing is going to be they have to go home before they get much time to play with the new things. That’s going to be a little rough. I hope though that they will encourage their daddy to bring them back often, and I hope in this way to add support to the girls as they are going through their moves this next couple of months. They will move out of their house – in January or February, and be staying only at their Grandma-grandma’s until Maury gets his place in August. I would really because of that like to see Maury bring the girls over to be here as much as possible. That way he can step out of Lauren’s space over at the Mom’s
Everyone I’m sure will be ready for Maury’s move in April, but for now … I’m really looking forward to helping out in any way I can.

Maury said something funny the other day while he was here when we were discussing the girls coming over. He said almost in a negative way, but not really that no one else was giving the girls as much as we were and that was without him knowing of all the little packages we have planned. I’m hoping that because the girls were over at Maury’s Dads and their Mom’s parents and they’ve already gone through Christmas at Maury and Lauren’s that this will be a grand finale.

I didn’t mean to outspend anyone. That hadn’t been thought through by me. I did mean to get something special to them which seemed for a gazillion reasons to be the right time and thing to do. All these years, Maury has impressed that I only give money gifts – so the only real gifts given other than money was in how we presented the money like in purses and bags and such.

This is the first year we’ve gotten to shop for our granddaughters. True most of the little stuff comes from CS, but the whole notion of sewing is something that comes from my heart with CS’s support. I couldn’t be more thankful for what CS is helping me do. Maybe today we’ll go to CS Facebook site and the girls can help me right a thank you letter for helping grandma give them a nice Christmas. And, then I plan to give CS the picture of Maury and the girls on our fridge. That should make things a little better.

Ok, we’re back again. WooHOO! Except this time we are all showered, dressed and the house is all picked-up again. We’re doing real well. It’s about 9:30 am. I’m hoping that Maury and the girls will be here in about a half hour and by then Rich will be back. He went to the grocery store a while ago to get the necessary things for making chocolate chip and marshmallow pancakes and bacon. He’s such a heart-love! It was his idea to add the chocolate chips for the girls. They do like their sweets.

We also put out a little bowl of the granola mix we got from Santa’s stocking yesterday. We figured that would hold people off until breakfast. Rich thought we should open the presents right away and he came up with a contingency plan to pick up Jillian and Dawna in Joliet if that became necessary. I was a little disturbed that they could not handle things on their own, but between Chris, the mother, Jon, Jillian and Dawna … they were like feeling half abandoned and without ability to get through the snow. I mean it is snowing, but REALLY it isn’t that big a deal. Ok, so that’s an opinion … mostly of someone just wanting Rich around on her granddaughter’s day.

Instead he might be trucking them around. I’m more disappointed than anything … I’m really hoping that they can drive themselves back to Algonquin so Jillian can come this way to get Dawna to the airport without Rich being out of touch for a couple hours during my most valuable time of the year.

I know that he would do anything for the family, but I think they should have been able to handle this without him. Ok, letting that go.

The back-up plan is that Rich does all the extra transporting on his own so we get the girls for a little more time … in this sense he would go out and get Dawna and Jillian and then just pick me up here and we’d eat somewhere close instead of the fancier Flat Top. That part I like. I know Maury and the girls like Flat Top, but I prefer something a little less modern. I like going to a restaurant and them putting on the plate a complete well-balanced tasting meal. At Flat top you go in and put together your own combination and then they do the frying or grilling. I never come out ahead with that deal. BUT, if that’s where the group is going I’m there!

I look forward to seeing Jillian again … I’m a little more scared of Dawna because she’s my own age, but in general … we’re looking forward. We’re wearing a peach over-shirt with a maroonish undershirt so we’re hoping we float by with that. The rest of the ensemble is a jean skirt and my regular tennis. I never wore this combination before, but it gives me the bigger over-shirt with the more holiday festive red. Eh, so I wasn’t a designer. Working with fabric has made me a little bolder.

AHA! Rich is home now. It is 9:40 am. 20 minutes for him to get ready in the shower and dressing and 20 minutes for Maury to get here with the girls, AND 20 minutes more for me to type! Well, more or less. Need to be flexible, right?!

We helped Rich put away the few groceries he got. I’m really impressed with the time he made. It feels like we’re doing real good together the grandpa and gramma thing, but he told Isa last time to call him Rich instead of grampa. I guess that’s ok, but I did like the sound of being a matched set.

It was funny … earlier Rich and I had talked quite a bit between me writing and then going over to be social while he woke up. We talked about all kinds of stuff, but the question of not being a wife came up in some sort of abstract way. Hehehe … never saw someone named Rich back-pedal so fast. He was funny … no no no never never never! *Sigh* Girl’s gotta try!

I’ll definitely settle for having a live-in lover. Just don’t know what to tell the girls … guess it’s better now in that they are only asking indirectly I’m sure to their folks, and someday they’ll ask us and we’ll get through it. Rich was kinda embarrassed last time, but Isa asked him about the mole on his face. He is very self-conscious about it and then more-so that a child would notice, but he seemed to get through even that! He’s doing so good really about going past his internal comfort level.

I’m feeling pretty good by now. I like that everything is on track and seems very fluid. Rich is going to have to excuse himself for a few moments at some point to put together Dawna’s packages, but other than that and his shower and getting dressed I think he’s good to go.

AND, it’s been all morning since I reminded you how happy we were with our new keyboard. Wow. You thought that escaped us, right? Fat chance! It’s really, really comfortable and much less stressful on the fingers. Right now the keyboard at work is the worse and actually that’s not way bad.

Hmm, I was thinking that Maury might ring any moment, but then we forgot he lives here. It seems something he doesn’t do when he’s got the girls – like they are still all the folk from Lombard. Sure am happy they are going to be here. Oh, and you know what? We’re getting an extra visit in. Cari can’t be here, but Joe is going to go out with Rich and us tomorrow. We’re going out in the morning before we go to back to Rich’s folks with this time just Jillian and Jon. I’m looking surprisingly forward to that too. I want to see how all the people relate to each other. I like all these folks and already feel closer to both Rich’s kids, especially more than with Crystal and Brandy although I’ve met them a few times.

Rich basically doesn’t really know too much about them. But, I hear about his own kids all the time. Well, actually at least the number of times I can shake a “nothing really happened.” Shoot … I want all the details!

We’re going to meet Joe in Villa Park at the hi-low place. It’s a little casual diner that fills up fast with crowds. Food is fair and reasonable and it’s not so fancy, nor too poor. It should be interesting and more conversational with just Joe. I think sometimes he has to carry on more of a role with Cari. But, I don’t know if the difference isn’t Rich. We’ll find out. Hmm, now that I remember it was sorta ok with Joe and Cari and Rich and us. But, pretty much, I was the thorn in everyone’s side. I wanted and fairly demanded to know why I had to be such a stranger to Joe.

This morning it was a little strange too in that when I went through the family Facebook connections I came across pictures at Maury’s site taken by her step-mother. So we got pictures of all that family. It is one thing to think about it, but another to see how comfortable that whole family unit is with one another.

I don’t think too much special of their place its pretty average, but people seemed to enjoy themselves. Everyone looked happy. When I get in my more Christmassy cheerful self, I’m actually glad. I wouldn’t have ever wanted the boys to feel they didn’t have a father they could appreciate.

I just have to move this situation somehow away from when people come over they just watch the TV. Maybe we should try to disallow it? No, I don’t think that would work either, but it’s worth a mental note. I’d like there to be more free thought.

I don’t think that we all have common things of interest. We all have the girls, Maury and Joe have their special bond and Joe loves Cari and Cari gets along with Maury and Maury and Rich talk about fishing, but otherwise I think the relationships are a bit undeveloped. The sore spot being I don’t think much that my kids like talking to me – though on occasion I can get to a point where they will let me listen to them talk of themselves.

I’m thinking un-prosperously though in saying I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Its part of the problem with my memory … I don’t really have the ability to talk very intelligently, unless the other person is doing it first. It makes me a better listener and commenter than hostess of my own conversations.

Oh oh … we’re only partway here. It’s now exactly 10 am. Just happened to look down about the right time. Rich is now wrapping something and I should maybe wait a few minutes and then see how late Maury is going to be. It’s never too sure when you are getting 2 girls ready, though he’s generally prompt. Relax Gramma chill, right?

WooHOO! Update. Maury is going to be here in about 15 minutes. I also got to talk to Cari for a second to confirm tomorrow’s plans to meet at Hi-view at 9 am. She and Joe have classes at 11 am, and we’ll have to be getting ready to do … ok, we’ve been over this like a million-jillion times, right? Ok, girls breathe! Fresh coffee … that will help.

Hmm, I think we’ve been at this worrying for some time it’s about 12 pages of typing? Yeeks. I’d stop, but then my thoughts would race entirely. Now at least they have to slow down to typing speed. Cari asked me about my favorite color. I told her moss green or about that same depth a dark red. I wasn’t sure until we asked ourselves. Maybe she’s thinking about matting on some pictures! I’m hoping that we get some. I saw that Joe’s grandma got pictures of them yesterday. Thank goodness for technology. I have to admit I’ve appreciated Jacki not overly privatizing her Facebook. Not enough to spy, but to be caught-up in my boys lives a LITTLE!

WooHOO! They are HERE!

posted by Ann Marie @ 12/26/2009 10:28:00 AM Comments: 0