Drew a Partial Blank at Work :(
Ok, hi … this is me. We’re finding that we are having one of those kinds of days we haven’t had for a while, but we’re having a hard time making ourselves work. We did for the record come in this morning and we did a solid 3 ½ hours in putting together our Annual report. We had to keep rewriting until we could do something that satisfied us while matching Rosa’s space requirements. Annual Report now days is SLIM!I’m going to cheat here and look to see how long it’s been since we’ve written. Hold on.
Oh Lordy … it’s now been about 6 days again. I’ve got no steady track record growing from this at all! I don’t think I would have thought of it even now, but V had sent a note and I thought … shoot I’m probably remiss in covering thoughts all over the place.
It seems last time I wrote it was a Tuesday and I’d just been on a bit of a break. I was pretty sleepy. It was the day of Michael Jackson’s big memorial. We had gone out to dinner with Bob the night before and his mother was dying. I think she died on that day – Tuesday. Her memorial was on Thursday and her funeral was on Friday. For the record Bob joined his fishing buddies on Saturday and he brought his brother-in-law with to do the fishing.
Hmm seems like she might have died earlier and I already wrote that. Ok moving on then. Rich had gone to the service on Thursday night and I’d gone to Dr. Marvin’s. Then before I got home Rich had already left for his trip north and he caught about 40 fish he said between Friday and Sunday, but he felt bad because his aerator died and then a couple of his fishies die. Fishymen don’t always eat their fishes. Our guys let them go back so feel bad at times like this.
I’m just skimming over the details and it says that Rich was to be in court that day and Maury was starting to stay over. I think I was being cranky because of the money grab especially because his kids were pushing against Rich’s heartstrings and he’d just lost his main job.
As it turned out he did go to court and the court decided that day that they are officially divorced! I say that with exclamation, but Rich wasn’t going to make it a happy thing and about that time Maury was saying that his divorce would be final THIS week – on Wednesday. AND, he didn’t want to make it be something special either. I think both were sad for losing what had once been so important to them.
I was right about the money grab. Rich is now paying his wife $3000, which is $400 more than it had been the day before and not apparently based on much of anything except desire. I asked him sorrowfully, did she take the entire house too? And, here he at least said, no … I still own a 1/3 of it.
I’m so relieved for that. The family has been adding on to the second mortgage which Rich is responsible to pay. So the appliances they wanted and the roof repair and new bathrooms and lawn mowing and all that were coming off the second mortgage. If the place sells then Rich is going to need a portion of the house to pay off the 2nd mortgage even though it all wasn’t his. Part of it WAS his though in that he’d made that one financial deal with his friend Doug.
Bottom line is though that Rich after paying over 30 years on a house deserves to at least break even getting out of it. I feel he’s been raked over the coals. In the meantime she continues to talk about her retirement. She says sometimes she’s thinking of moving down to where Jillian is – if she could get Chris to join her with his fiancé. That just relays how needy she is of her son. She’s also already talking about getting married again. It seems like her to think marriage before even having picked out a guy.
Then there was an upset, because I was frustrated. She had asked through the kids as if it was perfectly reasonable and sane … basically, if her second marriage didn’t work out, could she go back to getting his alimony? AND, she made it clear she wanted an additional life insurance policy on him. To me that means she’d be more happy with him dead than alive. Maybe I should think more generously like she’ll be financially depended on him. But, one thing is for sure and that is she isn’t going to take responsibility for herself. She talks of shopping until she drops as if money were no object. I think if you are not making your own way in this world you lose sight of how difficult money is to come by.
I think the part I hate the most is that amount of spite she has toward Rich. She hated him while he was there and now she hates that he is gone. Depending on who she talks to she’s either the victor from surviving a marriage which only saving grace was to produce children, and then at other times it’s the poor grieving woman who’s been led astray and whose life has been destroyed.
I see her using the kids similarly making their stories fit to the audience or her mood. I had read something she had written about her kids not giving her grand children to dote on because they were so busy with school. Granted Jillian has done a terrific thing in completing her Master’s degree, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she worked a little then stretched for her doctor’s degree. She seems to have a mind for education and she’s very smart.
The boys though ARE NOT going to school. I don’t think they are even talking about it loosely. Jon’s happy in his life and Chris will need to secure a life for his fiancé. Most likely though until Rich’s ex decides to sell the house, the girl will need to be under her MIL. I think that’s the biggest detriment to a young relationship is having to deal with a Mom.
I think that Chris and his girl might have a child most likely sooner than later, but Jillian and Jon are not in relationships where children could be had except through adoption. We’ve talked before of them being gay. Personally, I love it, because I love Dr. Marvin and I imagine them to be like him perfectly whole as they are without asking for them to bend to another kind of relationship that isn’t them.
I know, I know I’m in above my head again. It’s an awkward relationship to know them and yet not know them for so many years. I guess the final point is that … you gotta stay as honest as you can. I think this part is what has caused Rich the biggest hardship and that he is going to be paying for his guilt for hiding the relationship with me to his family and its going to go on for a long time if not the rest of his life. It won’t matter to them how hard he has tried throughout a loveless marriage to provide yet for her and give his kids some sense of security.
I don’t know if they will understand ever how hard they are on him.
So … maybe about now we’ll try to reground. I just talked to my own son a little bit ago. I had written in the Facebook that I had a surprise at home that I’d hoped he might like. I had gotten both him and Rich their own box of poker chips. I think that I’ve mentioned it here already. They had come in over the weekend and someone had very considerately brought them upstairs and left them by our door. It was REALLY nice, because the box was to have weighed about 50 pounds. YEEKS!
Before anyone got home yesterday, I decided to take the silver carrying boxes with the chips and cards out of the cardboard box. I set them both on the coffee table at an open angle from each other and I put CS new birthday quilt she’d made for me and I put it on the couch, and then I put up all the little things she got such as the Twister crayons and pencils and the markers. There was also some clay and a simulated stain glass (plastic) window set AND a white shirt with small colorful drinks.
I was really taken with my sudden wealth! This was a really super part of it being a super birthday and it’s not even my day yet.
When I talked to Rich a little bit ago, he said that for my special day on Saturday, he would like to take me down to a museum and that we might go to Navy Pier or observation park where we can listen and watch fireworks. I’m a little afraid of all the walking now, but he’s been building me up to do this without the wheelchair which is long gone. He also said that for my gift he might find us a chair that we can sit on outdoors – and then of course we asked if he could have a matcher so we could sit together. He said, MAYBE!
I’m trying to be my braver self which is going to need making that kinda day ok, even if we’re, scared, tired, hot or thirsty. It’s a lot to ask for! But, when we’ve made it past all those pitfalls, we know that we’ve really enjoyed nuzzling our pumpkin in the park with fireworks going off overhead!
There’s something more too. Maury is not committing to it, but Joe has said for our birthday that he and Cari would like to make a special dinner for us at our house.
Wow!!! That’s like a bigger deal than anything! We of course then had to figure out whether they will go as far to cook for Alex and Maury and maybe Alex’ girl – though she doesn’t come out anywhere it seems. We’ll have to wait and see with that one. Maybe we can have it earlier than 5:30 pm because I hadn’t known when making the plan if we were going to be out of town or not.
Hmm, just talked to Joe in IM and it’s still set to 5:30 pm on Sunday - He says no to the poker though and yes to the Alex part. Ok, better leave well enough alone then so we don’t get him backed out … too exciting having him do this. I think Rich will try to squeak something in over at his mother’s on Sunday too. I think he wants to look at the boat with Bud. If he’s planning on having lunch there it better be REAL early and we should do it ourselves so we can get home in time and be hungry for a dinner.
AHA! I just called sir Sweetie Pie. He said we could go out for lunch maybe with his Mom and Bud. This is what I asked for so we didn’t get behind in our schedules. AND, I made sure he knew I wanted to be home an hour before Joe got there. Wow! It’s really stacking up to be a good weekend. I’m not sure about Maury though. He made it seem like he was going to keep it open as if he might want to do something else if it showed up to be more fun.
I thought that was kinda fickle and am trying not to be a Mom about it. Maury and us discussed something else. He was telling me he was feeling pressure because I’d asked him if he was coming home tonight because he had said he was going to yesterday, but didn’t … and so then it gets me to worrying. He said then that that was one of the reasons he’d chosen his Dad’s place first, because he knew his Dad wouldn’t worry about his schedules.
It was like ok … hold on … let me get out of my Mom mode. And, then he said something about me being overly gushy like being SOOO happy with stuff. I said, what happens if I gotta bunch of gushy in me? He said I should do something else with it. I don’t know how to really do that yet. This kid is coming in with a bunch of rules!
And, so then I asked so are you staying out just this week, or are you not planning on coming back at all? I think he’s staying over at a girl friend’s house, but that would be just momspeculative because he’s doing such a great job of not letting me know while making me feel guilty for WANTING to know. So, then I laid down the other hand.
It was like … YOU KNOW … if I knew when you were coming in and out; it might have a better affect on my sex life! So then he said – maybe that’s why I’m staying out so late … I said something like this is not a very good plan yet. And, then he said well 50% of the time you know I’m not coming and 50% of the time you know I might come. I added, but like last night in your 50% might come Fishyman came home and he’d not been there for so many days.
Then he said well you can do it for 3 nights a week and if Rich is doing it more often than that – we should sign up for a sex program. HMPF!
Well … right … we can see where that fox is heading into a hole!
Ok, ok … now we got ourselves all riled up. But at least he knows about what we’re thinking here. There’s got to be some better way of managing all this. I’m NOT giving up MY SEX LIFE!!!
Ok, girls shhh, shhh. It’ll be ok. Dr. Marvin asked on Thursday … yeah I was going to ask how that was going because he knows we have some nakedly preferences. DOUBLE HMPF!
Lordy … it’s been that kinda life.
posted by Ann Marie @ 7/13/2009 04:28:00 PM
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