Ayn's Multiple World

Good morning like the old days

Good morning ... this is me. It's Sunday morning and I'm not sure how far I'm going to get because I might want to take care of some other goals, but for now we're here so we're going to take advantage. CNN is now back on in the background and we're hearing Bill, Donna, Ed and being interviewed by John King. This is a solid set of arguers and they try to listen to each other, but they are solidly in their own camps be it Democrat or Republican so I'm not sure how much ground you gain because they are not one up on issues to each other's statements and they dance and roam around the board so there is too much being discussed and not enough specifics. It's a general problem on CNN. They should be held to argue one point to another giving it you best 4-6 sentence shot and then be cut off ... People instead just generally start talking and then see where they come out. It's ok for me in a journal, but if your an expert you should be able to specify quickly the points of each argument.

Ok, so that's where we are with that. Missy just came over to visit our ear and Chief is laying at the bottom of my space, but other than that we're pretty calmed down for the time being. We had gotten up before Rich because of the kitties around 5 am and then came in and out of a daze until Rich woke up around 8 am to see his show. About an hour later we decided to take our shower and get ready for the day because we didn't know when Maury was coming over and we had figured we better be decent. We also took our medicine perhaps a bit late, but in there sometime.

And, then about 9:30 am, Rich decided to start movin around more seriously after his show had ended. He unpacked his suitcase and took his shower and we checked in on him and then did house pick-ups so that everything was in its place and the dishwasher was started. After that I came to the computer to catch-up my pirates, Rich got out of the shower and he made his plans so that the clothes load was going down, he was going to pick up a few things at the grocery store and we'll be working on our writing until about 35 minutes from now where we'll back Rich up on the laundry if he's not back in time.

So so far ... we're doing pretty good.

This last couple of days has been pretty good. I had some complaints about Holly at work, but I don't want to go into that now. I don't even know if we haven't already written about it. Basically, the bottom line there is that she tried to go the route where she's more on track than she is, but that hasn't bared-up in real life. The worse part is that she's starting to mess up things with the extra Q assistance - Robin, and the best part is that she's going to go under review of Sr. Theresa on Monday and things like her not being able to file or take care of her own case files and her needing to give the secretary the billing she claims is sooo much of her time and is also not getting done ... well all that's going to come to light and she'll have to be responsible for herself.

Meanwhile ... it's best that I watch my own store. I've been working the last three months to get my files in shape and I'm up to 81%. I think I started about 65%. Holly is at about 37%. Nothin to do for either of us, but to just keep working at it. Thing is that wasn't happening in Holly's situation, because she was in such hard denial of things being wrong she couldn't afford to even look at it because it would disprove her stories. I'm somewhat like that with CARF.

Rich and I were talking yesterday on his way to his Mom's and we talked to him about if he wanted to reassure his job at SRC with Sister, he should do two things. First, he should ask what he can take off Sister's desk, and the second is that he should volunteer to help me out with CARF. Both would go a long way in better securing his position. He needs to work through the point - basically, would they hire him to be director if something happened to Sr. or would they close us down and let go of all clients and staff. No doubt Rich would cost more money because he has to survive and Sister just takes out a bare stipend, but there's a lot more in-between, because Rich doesn't have the reputation of getting things done in time or spending as much time on things as possible.

I probably have the best reputation beside sister, but I get behind in so much that its kinda crazy. I brought home 3 files hoping to work through some back-up work this weekend, but then I get home and don't really want to work on it. It would be a very good deal thought if I can stop by lunch time and do some of that other. It will be good for me and good for Rich and Maury to know that I'm working hard. Both of them are hard workers too and I want them to be impressed with me as standing up with the big guys in contributing my fair share. Basically, at the very least if I don't have their full respect, I would like the opportunity to earn it.

The stuff I want to work on today is annual work with the last 3 clients. I have two annuals to write and three sets of goals and goals and objectives. Sure would be sweet going back in caught up. This is going to be one of my few weeks where I won't have a staffing so being caught up would allow me to get some CARF finished. That's what I should be doing with or without Robin. I'm starting to book her so much with Sister's help she's becoming useless for CARF ... If I could hand over the Performance Analysis report to Rich that would resolve one of the hardest things for CARF ... I could finish up with documentation and start writing out the reports and survey. That's what I've really got to be getting done. The performance analysis Sister doesn't really understand, but Rich could and he could get it done by October when they are going to want an advance copy sent in with our other paperwork prior to setting up our next survey.

Ok, so let's make that a goal. We should try to work on that AT the big computer by noon or at least after Rich comes back and finishes lunch. He wants to do something with me, because he's going to be leaving about 3 pm through 8 pm or so to be with his son Jon. They are going to see a movie and grab something to eat before Rich drops him off at the airport because he's going out to see a friend in New York. That will give me some good time to be working and it should be good in that Maury is going to try sleeping over here tonight ... He sais something about getting up about 10 am and so he might come over and do something here first with setting up his room, or it might be after 8 pm. I think his father is having some kind of party at 3 pm that he wants to be at. It sounds like Maury doesn't have the girls this weekend. I'm not sure what he did last night, but I know through FB that he was looking for something to do in keeping him out all night. *Sigh* He's living his second childhood :)

Watching the clock ... we still got about 15 minutes. Doing good. Rich talked about doing the bare necessity clothes before he has to go, but I think that if he has the quarters I can help out after he leaves.

Hehehe ... man that was tough! I just gave him a call and asked him to bring back quarters ... He was pushing that there wasn't anyplace he could get them - like they don't do that at the grocery store anymore. But, we were quick not to be put out ... if we've come this far to THINK we could be helping up and down stairs with laundry, then he shouldn't be discouraging that. So, we told him they have change machines at the laundry and we told him he should stop by there and see what he can get. He wanted to argue more, but again we press the point of there being only about 3 loads worth of clothes and there's no reason he should want to stop our determination if we're up to that level. I said we're helping out more and that we should continue this even if he's home.

He said then, "Yes ma'am." Both of us like to be right, but in this case I had the more positive track so it's best that I be right then him. Right? Having Maury in the house I believe is going to be a good thing for me, because it makes me feel more like a mother should feel in being able to take care of things in making the environment good for her family. I think for a long, long time we've been looking at ourselves as more helpless and for a while we were, but now we're talking my MOMDOM and I'm much more likely to sparkle there than I was in taking care of myself. Rich has been so capable I've not pressed hard that I could take more care of him than him. This week while he was gone, I got so much done, I don't want to lose sight of that.

I think the other thing that I'm going to need doing today is to clear up some hangers. I told him that we have clothes in the middle that I still have to go through. I think he would have avoided doing the extra laundry, but we're pretty set on wanting things to be nice here after so many years of letting things run down. Maybe that is going to mean breaking free even more time because I'd wanted to go through some extra work on the closet. Hmm, Rich sounds like he is home. Maybe he will take care of the laundry after all. I don't think it would be Maury coming in the back door.

Ok, let's not let ourselves go here. what should we do now. It's 11 o'clock ... we'll let him do the laundry as much as he can so we can do it later when he's gone, but then what should I be doing now as to cleaning or other. Should I do the clothes in the closet that need throwing, should I clean another cabinet in the kitchen, should I switch over to work work, or should I continue to write. Oh Lordy that's tough.

Ok, that's been pretty much decided. We got discombobulated. Rich came home with groceries and now he's cooking too many ribs in our little oven and we were both in each others way a little cuz I got stuff cleaned up and he wants to spread stuff out again like keeping receipts on the counter.

MAN that's not going to work ... I gave him a box on the new shelf system for his receipts, but he says he didn't get to save money from a coupon on the back of one of his receipts because it wasn't sitting on the counter where he could see it on the way out the door. Well MY new system is that we keep the counters cleaned-off so we can use them, but then that includes washing them off after you put a bloody meat container on them and he was like you are pushing me woman! Oh Lordy we shouldn't do some stuff together.

Fortunately the task got over pretty soon. I don't like the part where I'm around and he says get me this or get me that. I said WE came in the kitchen to clean a cupboard not to sit around and maybe get your tasks right or wrong or wait around to be told what to do. I said you take care of your stuff and I'll take care of mine. So basically, he finished up his kitchen stuff and went down to check the laundry and I threw away the scary stuff he'd pulled out of the fridge and I cleaned up an old medicine type cupboard.

Then he came back and said ... where's my mother's plastic dish. And, I said I threw the scary furry green stuff down the toilet, but the plastic was not redeemable so I threw it away. Well like that's a waste to him, but if there was any chance it would have been to go through the dishwasher and that wasn't going to be started again for another 3-4 days, so like no way am I keeping a cheap plastic container with hairy stuff around for that long and then go through horrors because I think that kind of stuff never comes off the container, but someone is going to use it again in a microwave and disperse all those scary things from it's surface.

Nope. Umm ... it's thrown away! *HMPF!!*

Ok, so ... with all that over we're back to the need to calm down stage. I think this is some part of the reason we didn't do stuff with him around ... he's too hard on our system. We had all those years where stuff was too hard for us psychologically and physically, and now we had such a great week where we could move on both accounts, and now we feel scared so much we need to come back to the computer to calm down again. I know part of this is that we switch parts, but I'd like to figure it out so that we can get past it.

I think we're switching up our time scale though in that ... Rich said that lunch/dinner will be around 12:30 pm. He's got to switch up a load of clothes in there somewhere, but he's out looking at his gas mileage and I'm back here on the computer with my air on and listening to CNN in the background. I'm hungry now and tend to eat like a can of something when I get this way, but he's like we need a proper meal.

There took care of that ... we went and got a couple of peanut butter tortillas and the last of the hot coffee. That's enough so I won't be hungry, but too it won't fill me up. Chances are I won't eat a lot of ribs at lunch. It's usually not my big meal, but then I'll have leftovers for dinner before Rich and Maury get here. I like the part there's good stuff to eat when I get hungry. I hate being hungry and waiting for food. Man ... that's so tough for me. Rich seems to like building up his appetite ... I guess we just don't have that kind of tummy patience. But, then again I won't eat so much at a meal where Rich will overeat. I guess we each have our ins and outs.

Hmm, phone! I'm thinking that it's Bob because he's talking about something to read and Rich had gave him a magazine ... yup for sure now because he's talking of his someone as being a strong woman. I said to invite him over for lunch, but I got shushed. He's right in back of me ... I guess I didn't see that cuz he was quiet. Just he's on the balcony side of the screen door and I'm on the living room/couch side.

That's kind of a big deal happening right now. Rich's friend Bob's Mom is dying. She's been in intensive care with double pneumonia this week and I think maybe it's part of pneumonia, but she's now eating something, but as she eats or other maybe I think her lungs are filling up with fluid. They've taken her off of life support and now after this last call just now it sounds like they are taking her off some of the medicine that has been helping her too. It's hard to understand because it's like it just shouldn't be like they should able to be doing something, but stuff is coming to a stop from her.

I guess when they took her off the breathing she's coming in and out of awareness, but she was pretty tough on one of the girls by going over something from the past that's still between them. I think the Mom was part of calling on DCFS for something the daughter had done with her own kids. It's impossible to call that one as to who'd done what right or wrong or whichever combination, but I guess it was still pretty hard on the sister and she left saying she'd never come back and then Bob was trying to intercede a bit, but too I think he knows that sometimes females or relationships are like that.

I think that certain hard things like making that final decision to pull the plug have been left up to him. On the surface he's probably smoother with it then not. Rich has left himself available for Bob whenever he's in need and then just as we were getting home last night Bob called wanting to know if Rich and us wanted to grab something to eat. We had been thinking of going out for fireworks and maybe getting some ice cream, so we got some ice cream while we watched Bob eat dinner at one of his favorite places in town.

I liked it in that it gave us a chance to be around Bob and hope that we could be some help. He talked somewhat of the situation, and we asked questions, but a good part of that was in trying for us to understand the situation for his Mom and for Bob and what his family is going through. Bob is very calm like going through his mind well, she'll die, and then we'll have the funeral and then we'll go fishing ... But, after when Rich and us talked neither of us felt it was going to be that simple for him. As to the literal plans ... I think Rich said with this last call that he probably wasn't going to Pool 10 this weekend with the guys.

I know Rich had said something over this last couple days that if Bob didn't go, that he might stay back to to watch over him, especially if there was going to be a funeral. I really love that about Rich that he would think of Bob's needs before his own - no matter how important fishing is for the both of them. This is something that is going to happen and you just gotta be there and see it through.

I think this was a surprise for everyone. It seems like the mother might have made it if she'd gone it when this business started, but she waited until it was too late. I see that stubbornness in others like Rich and his mom and even us or Sr. Theresa. It's just the worst thing when people won't allow themselves some care taking - especially when there are literal problems.

Hmm, now it's after we're done folding the first load of clothes. I think Rich is talking to his daughter now from the sounds of it. I'd been using the washroom and putting away stuff. It's just that he's talking about divorce stuff again. The girl pushes Rich as to what she thinks is his responsibilities. I wouldn't like my kids this involved, but Rich's family is different. They've set it up so that husband and wife only talk through kids. I know I've said that before. Ok, we're not going anywhere there. Just I don't feel Rich is getting his kids support ... seems like they're all saying the same thing ... you gotta take care of mom ... repeat, repeat. She's like controlling everything while saying all along how helpless she is.

Rich is going into work tomorrow knowing 95% of the chance is that he isn't going to be laid off. He's hoping for vacation and severance pay, but that's wishing on a star. He's very adamant of paying the ex what he's committed to no matter what. My way of looking at that is that he'll pay here everything off the top, but even at that I can hear the daughter suggesting he shouldn't be fishing because that's spending "the Mom's money share." I don't know if she's really saying that ... it's just how I'm figuring it.

It's hard to listen to. I'm trying actively not just gets me upset to think of Rich being so taken advantage of. No one's asking if he's ok.

Ok we're going to move on ... it's smelling really good around here. Maybe it was a good idea to be calm about Rich making what makes him happy. He said as much as he loves his mom's breaded chops, he wanted ribs and corn for his 4th. That is what he's now got. He's in there fixing stuff and it's now 10 minutes after he said it would be done. I don't know if we'll have to fold another load of clothes before we eat, but let me repeat ... it's smelling pretty good. I feel sometimes like I'm the most specialist princess! Maybe I better go check out those good smells?

Pswhoo ... That's all done ... it's almost 2 pm now. Rich is here for a little bit longer. His son is going out to dinner with the friends he visiting so then Rich got bumped and the son said he didn't want to go out to a movie. I think he's not being nice to Rich. But, then maybe his priority wasn't to see his father as much as to see his friends even though its been a couple of months. Rich seemed a little hurt. And you know how we feel about that! He said something about only being a Dad. Grrr...

Anyway ... we're being quiet cuz he's working on something for his divorce. About everyone and his brother called today to push him on one thing or another ... We're being VERY quiet and we let him turn on baseball without complaint even though it meant no CNN ... some of these are regular sacrifices. I know that if Maury is home he's going to rather watch baseball too rather than CNN. Just that's hard for me. I almost got the remote back, but then Rich saw it over on this side and his mind must have said, no no no ... giving Ann remote is a bad idea! *Hmpf!*

We did some more clothes the last time up with Rich. We got two loads done and might do the third shortly, and THEN because Rich will be late in going out we'll probably get a few more done. He'd asked me before ... you don't REALLY want to do clothes after I'm gone? And, we were up doing dishes after lunch and we'd cleaned out that middle part of the closet and we'd thrown clothes and collected hangers and stuff. And we remember looking in Rich's eyes and shaking our head saying ... no we don't REALLY want to do the clothes when he is gone. He said that's what I thought ... it's ok. You've done a lot.

We're very grateful he's taking this spur of energy as well as he is, but we said well we'd like to say that we could do more around the house, but ... he looked at us smiling and he said and I WOULD like you to do more around the house. At that point we thought maybe we would pass out. Because its one things doing stuff cuz you think it might be a good idea, and its another thing if someone is counting on you and it becomes WORK! That be a TERRIBLE idea!

Hmm, now we're just coming up from a nap AND folding the white load. If push come to shove I'd have to let it be known that that's my favorite load of clothes. Most of it is between the big white towels, rich's white t-shirts and my white socks. It's like my specialty load. This time when I went to put away all the stuff there was enough room for everything so that was kinda cool, because it was like filling up your specialty places cleaned up just for taking care of these things.

Rich hasn't talked to me for a while since before the nap really. It was probably short like 15-20 minutes. My tummy was pretty full. Rich is so busy with his tasks and he says ... well he says it in a nice way, but I know I'm not supposed to talk to him. So we arranged the fish he'd pushed around all by ourselves and we're moving on with things ourselves. He's still got the White Sox game on and it's now 2 to 4. They also said the Cubs are losing to Milwaukee 7-1. That's not so good.

I don't know if I said it or not, but we got the closet part done too. I'm not so happy with Rich though there! He was throwing away perfectly good hangers that I'd cleared. I guess from all his years going to the cleaners and getting more hangers he's used to throwing them away, but I'm not used to that ... PLUS we told him we had more new old clothes to hang. He let me have my way and take out the hangers I wanted, but I know he's pretty sneaky and will probably throw the extra's away the next time I'm not looking. Hehehe that must be providence because the newscaster guy just said that's a hanger ... then he said it was a hanging curve ball. Well, it sorta seems like providence.

So here we are on a nice quiet day and we're feeling like no one is paying attention to us. Well, of course there WAS some attention paid last night! WOOHOO!!! Fireworks!!! Ok, we're going show some reserve here, but it has been kinda floaty around my mind all day ... keep thinking ... that was soooo nice!

He sure is working hard over there. He's not wearing his friendly face though so its best I don't say anything. Hmm, that's a good sign he's tiring out. He's starting to sneak looks at the TV. That's a good idea.

It sure was nice of our fishyman to get home though there was the Bob's Mom thing happening for them most of Friday. He said that he had had to drop Bob off at the hospital. I think he got some grief, because the family couldn't get a hold of him up at the cabins where they were staying. I felt kinda bad for him for that. I knew that Rich's phone wasn't connecting either, but I had known the website for the camp and I knew I could get a hold of them if I needed too. Just that's not the kinda thing you know. The only chance I could have been helpful is if they asked Marsha and Marsha would know that I knew for the sake of finding Rich.

That was kinda strange ... when we were with Bob yesterday and the restaurant, he said that my Mom had remembered me and she wanted Bob to tell me that I was a very nice sweet girl. I was like REALLY? I'm the last thing a person should be thinking of even as a passing thought when she was busy dying. I can't tell you how bad I feel about that for her, Bob and the family. It is nice to know even with our brief contact that we left a good impression. I imagine that Marsha will be spending some of Bob's time with her. But, I don't think her Mom would like to hear her talk so much. She would be there more to support Bob.

I think each of the kids and there is like 4-5 are taking turns being with her. I think the Father comes and goes where he can. He seems to want to be there a lot naturally, but sometimes the kids shoo him away.

We're back now ... we've been puttying around some more. It's about 4:15 pm. Rich has been gone for about 45 minutes, we've got CNN back on, we've got a glass of grapefruit juice and we folded/hung the last two loads of laundry - BY OUR SELVES!!! That was pretty cool, and we emptied out the dishwasher too. Thadda girl!

Hmm, just got off the phone with Maury ... he's a little excitable. He had had a confrontation with Joe ... I don't think much of one, because while we were talking he was already smoothing it out with Joe. Basically, the problem had been that Joe and Cari are moving to their new place somewhere between the 24th or 27th of July and after measuring everything out they've discovered they don't really have room for everything ... especially the dining room table.

This is about where Maury stepped in. Everyone knows that this particular table is Thom's table. It is a beauty of a table. It's ALL Glass and big enough for about 8 people. I believe it has about that many chairs as well. Maury was going up one side and down another about Joe saying he and Cari had talked and that they were going to sell Thom's table. To Maury - it's like part of Thom's remaining legacy. Maury is moving out of his house so can't take it and it would be a bear to store, but he was like sounding like he would lay his life down to protect this table.

Somewhere in his bedlam I thought of him moving here and I said I don't want to push this idea, but would my dining area be big enough for the table? Then I was thinking out loud because it is sooo hard for me to let go of anything. I love my kitchen table even if it's kinda broken right now. The top part isn't connecting somehow so it teeters a bit if you lean on it. You really have to press on it and Rich SAYS he's going to fix it, but its still not in its prime.

The part about it that I love so much is that I had gotten the table right after the homeless shelter when I was living in the Winona government apartments. It was Christmas Eve and I was worried I think about the boys coming for a visit after Christmas and so I'd gone to this really big local furniture store. I only had $200 to spend on a table and I felt terrible walking into the store with that little money. But, the guy who owned the place had the biggest heart I'd ever seen. I think I rambled out my story of losing my house, and the bankruptcy and the kids and the government housing etc, but one way or another he said he had just the table for me and he hoped I might like it.

We walked up to the second floor and there was all this furniture and it was very beautiful and I can't explain my feelings of hope that somehow I could leave this place with something for me and for the boys visit. It seemed a terrible thing not to have a table in your kitchen to even serve a cold bowl of cereal. The guy lead me to the table I have now. It was the most beautiful table. It has a middle leaf so it expands to fit 6 people and he through in four chairs - farm style and said it was $200. Then he explained this beautiful top - I hadn't caught it, but it had a big mar on it ... it was like who the hell cares!!! Well it was about that way ... I just wanted to believe that I was going to walk out of here with that table. But it was a BIG table for an old grand am.

Then the guy said that he'd meet me at home and that a couple of his guys would deliver it. Man oh man ... One day I think God will bless this guy. He'd really come through in one of my most neediest moments. I've been so proud of having that table all these years. It's been about 12 years now. So basically, I really don't want to get rid of the table. I thought though when I offered Maury the sport for the glass table that something might come up so that I could do the switch until someone else could take the big glass table. I'm sure I'm going to love it to pieces and not want to give it up, but then I'm like, Maury, Alex, Bob or even Joe. Basically, it is Thom's table.

Maury liked the idea of it coming here a lot. I asked again would it fit? He said that he'd get measurements for the table and that we would see. It's a fairly big dining room for an apartment, but it's also a walk through area to the back door from the actual kitchen. Frankly if it does fit I'd be really happy to have a table that would hold 8. Maybe with Maury here Rich and I could have he, his two girls, Joe, Cari and Alex over more often. Maybe they could even play poker here though that be hard, because its such a staple over at their Dads. BUT, it sure be fun to have Rich playing poker with the guys. He'd have such a great time.

I hope it's going to be ok with Rich. This is IF it fits. Rich is going to be around here I think a little more until things settle with him for his job. A big table would be good for him to work at although we seem to have made an impression that we're certainly not going to want all those bills out and around at the table and on the chair next to it if Maury's here. I hated that stack of stuff that would not go away. In general, I hate clutter and I like it when everything has its own place and is put away.

Rich doesn't necessarily like my table as much as I do. Part of the problem there is that he feels guilty, because he's the one that BROKE my table in the first place. It happened 9 years ago. To cut a dicey story short ... no the table was not strong enough to make love on. Ok, enough said there.

But, we're thinking as much as I love that open space I just made in the bedroom, maybe we could collapse the table so its small again - a round circle, and then we could put it in the middle of the bedroom free space. I don't know if we'd keep all four chairs around it too, but maybe we could keep a couple, put one in the living room, maybe get rid of Maury's two from the farm, and then leave TWO in the bedroom. We could also make an executive decision to get rid of the chair that's been serving us so well.

Basically, it's an old office chair - a black like-leather chair. It was broken though - the back part - so eventually Rich got a new black chair that never got fixed - as to having arms, but the old chair - we had him take off the back and it's served as a roll around stool when we are doing things in the bedroom. It looks pretty terrible because it still has the metal hinges that show it to obviously be a broken chair. I usually sit in the chair when I'm folding clothes. But, even today I was having a fit in there, because the bed is made, but Rich is still processing the dirty clothes on top of the bed and that meant there was no room to be folding the clean clothes. I didn't complain long, but I did take the clothes out to the living room to fold.

Rich could use the extra table in there in case he wanted to privately do some computer or bill work in there while he was watching TV and getting away from Maury and me, or I could use it when we're folding clothes. I always had a clothes folding table in my room I'd used as the family closet. I loved it! It's just going to be tough to convince Rich not to get it cluttered. It would have to be a transition space for stuff. We might also want a small table cloth on it because we'd want it to look nice enough to be in our bedroom.

As to the other table, We'd have to keep the area cleaner at the back of the dining room area. It seems like it ends up being a staging area sometimes for things like garbage going up or down the back stairs. At the end of the room is a taller double set of windows. Under the windows is the back of the house air conditioner and then there is lace curtains over all that. I've got my cloth linen calendar pictures on either side of the walls. That could come or go with no trouble from me. It's just that it's a left over from my childhood, and in my adulthood, I haven't pulled together a collection of anything better or big enough to fit the two big walls.

Hmm, that might be something to think of. Maybe Rich or Maury would have some ideas. I wouldn't mind continuing family pictures, but there just isn't enough of them. I've got the boys filling the hallways and I should be using the opposite side of the hallway for the granddaughters pictures. I still want Rich's and my pictures in the living room and bedroom, but if they wouldn't fit ... we'd at least get Rich's up and then maybe we could use MY old pictures for the kitchen? I don't know. Maybe for one wall and then both walls of calendars could get condensed to one for a while. Hmm, that's an idea too! My sister's QUILT!!!!

AHA! Now we got something! I think it's a very big quilt, but it's a very big wall. We could put it on the one between the dining room and Maury's room. That way you could see it coming in the door and it would if we had the table empty - it would reflect on that like a reflecting pool! The quilt is absolutely gorgeous and be something I'd be very proud to hang. It be hard to hang, but maybe she or someone would have an idea. It's bigger than the tree in the bedroom and the map in the living room. Because the wall doesn't have anything against it except perhaps a chair when pulled back - there's more chance that the blanket would fit floor to ceiling. I think it's a big enough blanket to cover a queen size bed.

I think too it would add more elegance to the room as a table of that caliber would lend. Wow! Really good idea. I placed a call to CS. She didn't answer, but when she does answer, I will implore her to finish the quilt so we could give it a try. I really like the idea of setting up that back room so we could use it more comfortably - me, all of us, or Maury and Rich and or their friends. They still have another little private space out on the balcony with the bistro, but I'm still imagining Rich bringing over Bob or his kid or something ... and man oh man ... wouldn't the boys love meeting Bob and playing cards against them. They'd all be after each other for big bucks.

Oh man oh man ... I'm just so excited. I could stay out here in the living room and listen to the hooting and hollering. I know that's one of the reasons that they got that big glass table - was to play cards. It's a really good idea. Maybe one day some year too ... Rich could invite his son and we could all interact - chances are it would be a lot easier over a game of cards than not. I could say one thing for sure now ... it would be a lot easier getting to know Chris with Maury or his brothers around. A lot more for Chris to pay attention to and much less chance of him refusing our better company. Sure would be fun though to see that big table filled up.

I sure hope it's going to fit. We'll have to get out the boxes, bags going to the cleaners, and the old rocking chair along with the boxes for dining room dishes and the kitty box that somehow got bumped from the downstairs area. I think somehow Rich is filling up that space even though we wanted to get Maury to check on that air conditioner so he could cool his room with the door shut and salvage his privacy.

I was a little defensive in listening to him plan the rest of his day. I had called him around 11 am and he didn't have any real solid plans, just to be at his dads at 3 pm and to stop at Walmart. He may have stopped at Walmart, but it turned out his Dad's thing started at about 1 pm so he's been there all day with family and friends. When he'd called Joe and Cari were just leaving and his grandmother and Aunt Mary Fran were just getting in. So he said he'd stop by in a couple hours, but it might take awhile.

He said they'd do a few things - between him and Alex like he's going to take down the treadmill. I think he has some sheets and some more deodorizers and he's going to bring some clothes I believe. But, then he said he wasn't going to stay long and that he wouldn't be back until very late, but that he would be sleeping here tonight.

For the time being ... well I guess for a long time and probably a longer time to go, we've had problems with the boys enjoying their time over at their dads so much more than here. Maury said again this time that it wasn't anything in particular, but he did like the area out there in the western suburbs. He said the part about it being so close to work was nice here, in that he could actually walk or ride his bike, but in general his socializing is all going to continue being out there. I get the feeling that he'll be at his Dad's house maybe even more in that he'll need a place to hang out when he's hanging out toward Villa Park, but that when he's all old and used for the day ... he'll crash here. I think he's been making a point of sleeping only 4-6 hour a day - on a good day!

Man oh man how did we turn so cranky? This is the bad Mom sneaking out again. I know that the way we are looking forward to Maury being here is different than how he might be looking forward. I think he feels very out of sync out here. We're only 25 minutes from his Dad's place, but one might think we were at the other end of the world. I think the best idea is to get a couple decks of cards and some poker chips. Hmm, maybe guys play with quarters and not chips ... let me see how that works out.

Hmm, we sent an order out ... we gotta see if the credit card holds out. I'm not going to say how much, but it sounds something like the cost of a small fridge. Ok, let's not say that again out loud. They suggested that when playing tournaments you have 75-100 chips per person ... and our idea is that we got an 8 people table and that maybe if they were good games Rich or Bob would bring a few other friends as might the guys. So just to make sure I got two sets of 500. They came in sets of aluminum cases with 500 chips each and two decks of cards. I think it's suggested to have 150 - $1's, 150 - $5's, 100 - $10's, 50 - $50, and 50 - $100's. There were other numbers, but I thought it a better idea to keep the numbers down. I know the boys used to talk about going to their father with all their coins, but if they played for chips and not coins they could win bragging rights without some cut out because they don't want to lose money. I think the draw to play the game is enough to keep them going.

I KNOW Rich likes to play and I KNOW Maury does ... and there are the other guys AND I KNOW Bob to play. If we can have this as a Rich or Maury hosting or them as a combination then we given them a means to interact with each other and develop a relationship. Then maybe too on some nights when both Maury and Rich are working late on Friday ... they could have friends here by like 8 pm and they'd both be at the game already. I'm looking for girl friendly games too. I'd like to see Alexis come over and Cari - and maybe even Alex' Sarah. I don't know what she does with her time, but if she were to come over it be cool. I think a lot though that Alex goes with the guys and she goes with the girls. *Sigh*

I really hope now that we do good with getting the card table. I still think we'd have to make it a non-smoking party. I think the only one that might have a problem is Bob with his cigar, but he could smoke out on the balcony. I think he'd like that a lot. I was really hoping we could get him over this weekend.

Hmm, I did take kinda a big risk here, but maybe I can explain to Rich that I would be interested in this being my birthday present. Yes ... we're there! I would be very, very happy to give half my present to Maury, and half my present to Rich ... and then they'd have to work together to build a big table!!! Oh man oh man ... am I crazy? Could we get by with this?

Wow that's a weird stray thought. If this became Maury's or Rich's game, what are the possibilities that Maury's Dad would come over to play. Oh Man ... that's too big a jump to make. Let's keep it simple. We DON'T have THAT big and fancy enough of a place, but I suppose it would be fair to consider that Pat and Nick Chris' kids might come over. And, then ... we'd have to worry ... would Chris then come over? I think in some respect, we live closer to them then they live to Maury's, but I can't imagine all of them getting together without Maury. The idea though is to establish a place where the guys could come to "Maury's" too. I think already they have been used to going to his house and I'd like him to have that available to him - to bring his friends and family here.

He said something on the phone about moving the table and not knowing even if the next place was going to be big enough. It wouldn't hurt too much if our place was big enough and we got to keep Thom's table until he wanted it back. The whole thing just goes round and round about having something here that is inviting to the guys. Maury ended up I heard last night playing cards at a casino by himself. I can't believe we can't provide a space here that's also inviting. Maybe not exciting like that, but some place.

I didn't know what Maury was going to do with the tread mill, but I guess by tonight he'd made another decision than he had earlier this week. He wasn't interested in keeping it. I don't know if he wants something else in its place, or if he just wants more of his bedroom without the "deadbeat machine." He thought secondarily he should ask ... you aren't REAL tied to it are you? No, no ... not really. Just my normal tension for losing something I might want later, but would never be able to replace. Yeah, I know when would I want to start using the machine?

Hmm, watching the old President of Honduras trying to land back in his country ... doesn't look like he's being real supported by the soldiers. It's bad auditory though so we'll have to wait and see how it gets translated out. It's tough to listen to. Yeeks!

Ok, maybe back to my own thoughts ... maybe have to turn that out. I think that Maury could be here whenever and might be here late, leave, and then come in later. Are we back? Hmm, seems like there is going to be no landing here. They placed military vehicles on the run way so they couldn't land. There are rioters and they are saying if he could he would jump out of the plane ... WITH a parachute of course.

Hmm, should I eat again? I don't think so ... maybe that be too much. It's 6:30 pm or so though. Maybe I could just eat an ear of corn ... that be ok, right?

Ok, that's done ... I feel better with the news too we're back to talk of Michael Jackson. They've got his defense attorney form the child abuse trial and they've got Jessy Jackson both being interviewed by Don Lemon. These are very positive people toward his being. The CNN channel with other news media got some bashing by Al Sharpton today so I'm not sure if they aren't just being gun shy. I will be disappointed if they just view the one "good" side of Jackson. He was multi-dimensional and some of that included drugs and other pressures, but I think this has to be said too because it was a part of HIS package.

I hear arguments about not going into it until after the tributes, but then will that be too soon, and so on. There's no doubt of his importance in history, but to say he was able to climb those heights without regress ... that be against the facts of history. He became his own worst enemy and chose to look toward opulence each time he had available to do good ... that he showed his opulence to some who were needy does not make them his friend. Ride this ferris wheel then go back to your poverty ... what kind of message was that.

Shoot where are we coming from here. I didn't know that we'd developed negativism. Maybe that's just because we're ancy. In the past we've always been a little strange in waiting for Rich to come home, but now there is getting used to Rich AND Maury. That's pretty overwhelming. I hope they get in before I need to go to sleep. I'd like to do some enjoying of them time and I would like to see time where they are both here together lounging ... maybe that won't happen today, but soon enough. They are both going to need letting the other know that they are ok. There's been hard played worry about two men sharing the same washroom ... I mean isn't the washroom like the king of the house like.

Rich and I've been discussing where we're going to leave his fishying trophy. I like it on the side of the sink and he likes it on the toilet, but like kitties marking their spot ... I think that's more powerful a mark than Maury should have to be facing.

Hmm, Man in the Mirror, they are going to rerun the special. We saw this earlier this week, but it's normal for CNN to play things over again during the weekend. I don't mind this at all. I am enjoying his music this week. I would like to see some knew images ... These images are getting ingrained into my brain ... so they become the norm. Hmm, kitty is sitting here now too. He's being polite on the arm of the couch. I close the curtain some to keep out the direct late afternoon setting sun. It's always bright. There's something very nice about letting go of the heat for the cool, but then again there is then a shutting out of the day and acknowledging the privacy of night soon to be upon us.

It's going to be ok, right? I might have to take my medicine a little early tonight. I'm not even close to thinking about going back to work tomorrow. I know that it will have to happen of course. It's just that between some of the other tasks and writing, I just couldn't make myself do it. I think that's going to be a hall mark in my life ... that I don't get it together - the goals I have in mind for myself on any given day or week.

Ok, we're starting to be down a bit. Is this part of the stress of this day just not happening. Do you remember the old days when you were a kid and you'd cleaned your room and the house was good and the goodies were waiting in the fridge, yet you couldn't get dirty because company had not yet gotten there? That's about how it is for me right now ... I feel there is company not yet received. I'm still verging on thoughts that this isn't going to happen and that Maury really isn't going to be here.

I'm not sure why all the thoughts built up toward it. It's a pretty big deal. I think we were here trying to figure it out before too. Is it just a Mom deal?

It's kinda funny ... we went through a mom deal with Rich and his mom last night. Bud, his brother and I did. I remember asking Rich to just stop, but he wouldn't do it ... he was pretty engaged, and after talking to him on the way home, I couldn't make him see - although I was being careful not to use so many words, but

Hmm, Maury and Alex are here. Maury rang the bell, but I think that was more so I didn't get surprised. Cat ran fast! They came in with a couple of bags that might have looked like a couple of sandwiches. Hmm, deodorizers ... maybe then sheets too. The two just came in giggling. Maury brought with him another deodorizer. He put it on the center of my table ... and I was like oh no ... that's not going there ... you can't make me believe that's a centerpiece ... so then he arranged Rich's fish to swim out from the deodorizer. Well yeah that's going to change as soon as we get up. I will put it closer to the door. I'm so used to the smells around here that it's hard to get into someone else fretting. Yeeks!

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posted by Ann Marie @ 7/06/2009 05:25:00 AM Comments: 0