Stuff is happening but will remain pretty vague
Good morning … this is me. We’re here again, but it’s almost half way through Sunday. It’s just past 12:30 pm. We’ve been spending most the morning half here and half out. Rich woke up way back, but after us, we watched the morning shows, and then that turned to me on the computer and him doing laundry between his fishy shows. Of course, we still fold together, but this last period seems to be with one or both of us on the phone.He’s trying to explain how to get somewhere to Bud and his Mother on the computer. I think that Rich’s brother Mark gave them a site he wanted them to go through and now Rich has spent about a half hour explaining how to find the browser. *Sigh* We’ll try to let that go even though Rich’s voice gets louder when he’s talking with them, or maybe because he’s just being adamant.
It’s a little hard to concentrate here, but we’re going to try.
We were just talking to Maury and I think it was for pretty much a long time. I’m not going into the details of that call with the exception of saying that he’s got a lot on his mind and I was glad that he called to talk. About 45 minutes after the call ended he was going to be going to his fathers. He was real appreciative that he had family he could talk to and he found that with Alex, Thom, Joe, Bobby, and his Dad, stepmother and stepbrother. I think he talked a long time to an old friend last night.
Thing is he’s going through hard stuff and he’s got some good supports. That’s my Maury.
I’m going to have to concentrate on other things. Hmm, I know I can still talk about things that related to me. Well, sorta … it’s sort of stuff that related to me and our situation with Rich’s wife. In that respect I was glad that Maury took some time to talk to me too. We talked pretty much over the stuff that’s been happening the last two days between the 2nd subpoena and Dr. Marvin, our response to the subpoena and pretty much our thoughts through yesterday.
Rich seemed to be here during the majority of the conversation. He was gone when we first started talking about it and then even though I was conscious of him being here I expressed my thoughts to Maury about what all had been happening. It came in a good time – about 4/5th of the way through, so it gave Maury something to think about beside his situation, but the same, because we were talking of divorce in both situations.
I think Maury can now relate better to the situation. One way or another … that was the most of it … Just that took some time.
As to how we’re doing now … there was one thing that came up and was kind of uncomfortable to hear, but we did so anyway. Maury was talking about his doubts in having us help him with the kids – especially in him leaving the kids with us to watch over.
It seems that not only the first three years, but the years after … considering Ame’s now 8 … basically, he said he still doesn’t trust us with the multiplicity that we could take care of his kids proper. As he was saying that he was also saying that beside Alex, I would be the first person he called to talk to.
I’m not going to blow this out of proportion. He wasn’t telling us much we didn’t know about … except I’d thought before that it was more Lauren that had thought that then Maury … But, then I don’t know if Maury would have come to those thoughts without Lauren over many years. But, either way … it’s just a marker where things are at. The much greater part of the conversation was about Maury and how he was doing.
I was glad that Maury was open and honest with me. I took it as there’s more trust needed in our relationship as to the girls. I don’t need to have that changed overnight, but it would be nice to make progress with that. I think also it has to be whether or not the girls trust me enough to be with me. In any case of changing this pattern it will take time, because none of us including me is used to being together on our own. Maury does seem worried though about things that I wouldn’t worry about. I guess I looked at most of those years that if I wasn’t taking care of the girls it was more because I wasn’t physically able. Maury brought up the part about not knowing if I were to change to a younger part with them, that that wouldn’t be a safe situation.
Later after he had a chance to express his concerns, we talked about me having raised them and that if the worse we did was to push them to get our slurpees then that’s not really a horrible thing. We brought up also us converting to a younger part when he had us watching a cartoon with him, but then we said that after when he suggested that it was late that an older part was there to take us all home. I’m thinking now this is something that he’s gotten support on from his father and his father’s wife. Why would any of them had the motive to help secure the relationship.
Maury talked about how guilty he was feeling over it. I hadn’t brought any of this up – it came somewhere from within, but my thought there was that this was just a marker point and that we could just as we’d done today … gradually progress from this trust level. I know that Maury was worried about him saying something, but my thought was that anything talked about could be gotten better because at least then both parties were conscious of what was going on. I said not to worry and that we could consider it a 50-50 deal where maybe we’ve done things that haven’t earned his confidence too. He thought that was a good place too to leave it.
So did I.
I think the conversation just came up because so many sensitive things had happened. I don’t want to overwhelm things with my own problems and for the most part I didn’t think of this as a major problem in comparison with some of the other stuff going on.
I think it did relate to the thoughts that if something were to happen and Maury and/or Maury and the girls needed another place to be that they could come over here. I think Maury is trying to figure his situation out and a lot of options get discussed. I know that I would have probably the least amount of room other than Joe, but then he said that if Joe and Cari and him were to try doing it that they’d have to agree on getting a bigger place.
I told him that if he was considering Joe’s he could consider me and Rich, and I think that’s where we led from the other conversation. I think that Maury would most likely look toward his Dad’s first. I’m guessing that his Dad has extra room – maybe in bedrooms, but then maybe in a family room situation too although I think the family lives in the family room opposed to the living room as far as I’d seen or figured out over the years.
I’m pretty sure that the kids’ father would let them stay with him, and possibly Alex would let them stay, and most likely Joe if he could, but certainly his mother would let him stay EVEN if it meant finding a bigger place … hopefully soon after Rich was divorced.
Oh my … we know about a bigger place … be back later…
posted by Ann Marie @ 4/06/2009 05:23:00 AM
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