Ayn's Multiple World

Ok, back to some serious thoughts here toward the future

Good morning. This is me and we’ve got about a half hour left before we take our shower. Yep this means its 5:30 am. Wish I could have more time, but we’ve let this last 20 minutes go to the getting past the first few screens. I had to work really hard to get us past the country awards dresses. You might not really know so much about that part of us, but we do like looking at pictures of pretty things. I think somehow it feeds our imagination. You’d never catch us shopping for all that kind of stuff, but we do seem to have opinions of what looks nice or not. Like I’m really against seeing all of Nicole Kidman’s back. *Sigh*

Ok, then you know we have to also be then moving away from all that. It’s WAYY to much to talk about.

Onto bigger and better things. This morning Rich is already gone. He left a few moments ago. He has a very big inspection happening at his work this morning. I think he has something going on at 4 pm too like maybe another meeting. I can’t recall now what he said.

Rich woke up before us this morning and he went to bed about 15 minutes before us too. Well then you might have to imagine that there’s fudgsicles back in the house. WOOHOO!!!

Before we went to bed we watched a movie with Brad Pitt on Troy. I’ve seen several movies by him and other than Benjamin Button and even that I’m not overly impressed with his acting. I think also of him having a “hunk” look – well mostly I believe he’s too babyish looking … He always has on this hurt child face that I don’t find appealing. But, the movie was engrossing enough. I think Rich might have liked all those fighting scenes more than we did. I never like watching someone plunge his sword into another’s chest. *Sigh*

Ok, before that? We had dinner last night of pork somethings, dumplings and sauerkraut. That was pretty good. We’re getting more used to it as being one of Rich’s favorite dinners. But, before that we got a little grumbly. We were talking about something for just a few moments, and then he cut it off. I think his daughter had just called so I wanted to talk about it, but he needed to put it mentally away. I fussed, but he remained resolved. That was very bothersome to me because I was feeling like he was turning me off and on to his convenience and not recognizing my needs.

I then went back to reading what I was on the computer. I spent most of the weekend on the little computer rested on the board on my stomach. I’m doing that again now. I know sometime the novelty will wear off and it’s not as easy seeing the small screen, but it’s such a nice screen and I like the keyboard action a lot.

Plus of course the seating and the blanket over us is nice too. Ok we’re getting sidetracked.

Anyway, Rich finished a fishy show and then said something about it being time to eat and that got us disturbed. Our thought was – oh now you are going to turn us on again? HMPF!

We got icky and said we weren’t ready to eat. So he went in and fixed his own plate. I knew it was a terrible thing to do though because he does work hard to put out wonderful dinners. So after we finished reading what we were reading a couple minutes later, we went in and made our plate. After dinner we went over to lie down next to him. He decided to have another plate and we decided to have our after dinner fudgsicles after he’d presented a piece of chocolate cake. It was very good cake, but we thought the piece was too small.

Yeah it was like that. But, after that when he sat back … well someone was getting massaged and that happened for a very long beautiful time! He was getting status reports too. Someone was telling him well, we’re a little less grouchy, but not all the way. Eventually, though we were all the way relaxed that is if to say we were the ones on the receiving end. Maybe it was us and maybe it was someone else. 

So that’s pretty much how the night had ended. In between the phone call we left off from yesterday and the part where we were just finishing up reading … well that’s the part I want to talk about next because it is such a big thing.

For whatever is going on with Maury, he’s thinking that he will be divorcing and that the house is going to go up for sale very soon. This is going to mean that they are going to need another place to live. Not even all that is for sure yet, but you know how our minds work. We’d talked to Maury and didn’t think of it, but about the time we finished writing the thought had occurred seriously to us about Maury coming to live with us and us as buying the new house that I’ve been dreaming of.

Yes, Yes … we’ll let you catch your breath on that one for just a bit. I think before we get into it and you know we’re going to want and to that – that we take our shower first. There are only 8 minutes before that time so we might as well do it first to get it over with. I’m going to want a full cup of coffee on that anyway. It’s not going to be an easy discussion because even if we could get through the financial and divorce obstacles of both Maury and Rich, then we would still have to go through issues of the actual living together – especially due to our multiplicity.

Ok don’t mean to tip our hand here other than what is obvious to you, but as stated we better take our shower first. BRB.

Ok, good good. We’re back and now have about 50 minutes to write. WooHOO!!!

Hmm, I think what we now want to begin considering is if Maury and Lauren get a divorce then could we make arrangements to move into our house together, could we live together mentally, and what not, where what not is let’s start at the very beginning.

I’ve pretty much stated, I don’t want to get in Maury’s business, but IF he DOES divorce then I obviously would like to be able to help. The first thing would be that Maury and Lauren have to figure out their living situation. Already both of them know that they can each contribute to one set of lives, but anything where one is contributing to the others and still being able to live on their own wouldn’t work. Pretty much each can contribute to their own plus a little more, but both of them are going to need help. There’s the physical aspect and there’s the aspects where at some point or another they will need to be out of the house or arranging time around the girls so that things can take place on a more natural level. Like for example if one of them had the kids and still wanted to go out … who would be taking care of them.

I think that the lion’s share of this extra care has always gone to Lauren’s mother. I have absolutely no thought that it will change as to her still being in that most important caregiver relationship. Jackie and the boys Dad are the next caretakers, and then after that it might be split up between Joe, Alex, their girls or maybe Lauren’s sisters. I’m so way down at the bottom now I’m totally off the scale.

That’s a stark reality that would take some doing. Even if we were able to pull something off where we could be sharing a house with Maury … Lauren would most likely through a fit as to having her girls live with us … plus, I don’t know that Maury isn’t too far off this. He’s not comfortable at this point in thinking I would be normal enough to be with his girls. I think I’ve passed on to him a very high level of protectionism. I similarly felt the same around my boys in that I didn’t want anyone to affect them adversely. I honor and respect this about him.

I am thinking at this very moment that if things were to work out in that direction, Maury might come down to Dr. Marvin’s with us so that we could have assistance in figuring things out. BUT, primarily it would be like with Rich and it’s going to mostly figured out through living day to day.

I know there would be days that it would work well, and there will be days that things are going to be reconsidered and we’re all going to need facing that.

I presented the situation for its first rounds of talks with Rich. I asked if something like this were to happen, would he be able to have Maury and the girls live with us, and if that were the case could we go for my dream house. Rich didn’t say no, but he did ask a couple obvious questions or made statements.

His first thought was that if it were to happen what would happen to us and the house if Maury were to leave. How would we cover his share and even with his share would we be able to afford it. These are very reasonable questions. But, before we even begin to go here, let’s ask first why Maury would want to even cover these bases. Obviously we’re not his number one choice.

The first possibility is that he continues living in his own house. That doesn’t seem to be an option because their house is too much for either of them to afford.

If one of them leaves and the house is left for the other and the girls, then it’s going to need being a situation where the one leaving has to kick back.

Lauren’s immediate thought toward this was that if Maury could move out she could have one or two of her girlfriends living there and that person would contribute toward the house. That would take some pressure off, but then the question would arise … what gain is it of Maury’s if he lost his family, his house his everything especially to a relative stranger who would be inheriting his life. What’s his gain … and if he were contributing to that which someone else now gets – and could possibly even be another male, then how would he survive? He doesn’t make enough money to support two households.

Most likely that both of them are going to need moving out of the house … and we’re not even considering yet who holds the house in its temporary yet to be sold stage.

We pointed out to Maury that if they were going to sell the house that number 1 realistically whether Lauren likes it or not she’s going to need moving back in with her mother, just as realistically Maury is going to need moving in with someone too.

As to who’s in the house in-between things … we told Maury that it made more sense that he keep the house til it’s sold because for one … he’s not the one directly responsible for this happening – though every relationship is 50-50 … in this case it’s a 33-33-33% relationship, which means Lauren’s portion with friend covers more than Maury’s part.

Ok, we’re not going there though … So considering that the house is too much for either and would be to exclusive to the other to support then the question would be what next. Hmm, one more thing there … as to immediate needs … I believe it would have to be Maury that stays, because he’s the one in a better condition to be fixing the house so it can be put on the market. Perhaps Lauren would still come in when Maury’s at work to be taking care of some of the decluttering, but as to fix-it-ups then Maury is the one most likely to be doing all this.

Maury stated something about not having enough place for all his stuff, but unless we make it through to a big decision like him moving in with us at a bigger place, there will be no place for his storage of things unless they store it in a locker of some sort.

Ok, then next … I think that if Maury’s Dad volunteered the space to Maury and the girls then that might be the most immediate way to resolve the problems. But, I don’t think they have a particularly big place. It might be a 3 bedroom, but I had thought it was a two bedroom, but that there was space down in the basement, that might at this time be used for a family living space. I think one of his rooms, or some part of the basement is used for his computer and music system. One way or another it would be a tight fit.

There is the advantage there though of having Jackie. Jackie seems to be a pretty normal choice as to back-up for Maury and the girls. I don’t think, but don’t know if my ex on his own ever took care of the girls. I think he could, but primarily that responsibility most likely falls on Jackie.

I’m not sure if they would be as willing to give the living with option as much breathing space as I would and as might be Rich. There is no doubt that Rich would make a good grandfather arrangement, and I think there is one more thing positive about that.

Rich grew up in a household where his mother divorced and they moved in with his grandma and grandpa. The arrangement was that much more difficult in that they only had a small Georgian. My understanding was that the mother and the two boys shared space in the basement for their room and that Rich might have had to even share a bed with his brother. I think there was some split shift going on there so that everyone had some alone time in the bedroom, but the bottom line is that … Rich has gone through this situation of necessity where parent and kids move in with Grandparents. I think that he was appreciative of having had the Grandparents around and in general that had been a good situation.

I don’t know too much more of the situation other than Grams did a lot of steady cooking after she got home from work and that his grandpa spent a lot of time at the kitchen table his elbows holding him up. But, I don’t want to get too sidetracked here.

Again … I’m not sure if Maury’s Dad would be as excited about sharing his life with Maury’s family as we would. I think that he and Jackie worked very hard over the years about getting their alone time and this would definitely be a change of pace.

But, without knowing more than that … we would next look at the next options, which would be that Maury and the girls make some kind of arrangement with Alex or Joe and their women.

When he first brought this up … we stated the obvious problem in that both of those guys and their girls were going through the beginning stages of their relationship and that moving another family in with them would be a lot of stress on those budding relationships. I saw pictures of Alex’ townhouse, and I know it’s not that big a space. I also questioned the space at Joe’s. Maury said that they would have to get a bigger place together. But, I’m not sure if that’s something that Joe would like to consider. Like I said … he and Cari just moved in together … it would be a tremendous strain on their relationship.

I still think if arrangements could be made … then Rich’s next obvious question was … what happens if Maury were to leave after we’d bought the house and moved in together … basically, how could we survive the impact of the extra financial burden?

This is a very realistic question. It would mean getting in some kind of a committed relationship. I think if we could all concentrate on working out our differences as they came up and I have no doubt that would happen, because all three of us are very honest and open as to our problems, but if Maury for example was to become divorced and then somehow met someone in another relationship, then he might likely want to leave the situation to be setting up a new household.

That would mean that Rich and us might be over extended on our ability to pay the mortgage. We’re really talking a long way down the road, but I think it’s all relevant to think through now.

But, we need to wind up things right now because its almost time to go to work. I might spend a little more time on this after we get there, but for the most part … we’ll need to be moving on.

One thing that’s bothersome to me now … in that Maury is going to say that it’s too far away – Owego from his MIL’s place to be a reasonable place to live. I’d have to think through how committed I am to NEEDING this particular place.

I’m really sure at this point, that I wouldn’t want to budge there.

We can state later some of the reasons why this place would be such a good investment for this particular family scenario, but we don’t have time for that now. We did send Maury via email a section from the blog we’d written about in November as to our thoughts on the house. You might remember the entry … it’s the one where we showed you pictures of all the rooms.

I will say as to the top of that order. The main thing would be that with 4 bedrooms, Rich and I would have a very private master bedroom, we could go the option of one closet so that Maury could have his own private bathroom, the girls would each have their private rooms, Rich and I would share the library/office on the first floor, we’d save the dining room for dinners where we all 5 sat down together, and the living room would be the designated quiet room. Also we might reserve a couple of skids worth of space, but the basement would go to Maury.

Basically, it’s a very large room that has 9 foot ceilings and could be arranged to be his own private family room so that he could have a space with his girls or their company independent of Rich and us.

This is going to be very important as to getting along. I think that Maury would still have to take the driveway for his car, because Rich and I should have options of the 3 car garage. We’d also want to make sure we had the option of the walk out basement so that Maury could do some coming in and out on his own.

Ok, that’s the immediate part for now. It’s almost 7 am and we’ve got to be going. I look forward to writing again soon. Be taking care!

posted by Ann Marie @ 4/06/2009 06:59:00 AM Comments: 0