Some family updates ... It's going to be ok?
Good morning this is me. We’re up earlier … 4 am, but it’s taken us again a while to get here. There’s always the fiddling. It’s 4:45 am now and we’ve got a very heavy crabby cat on our arms. He was upset because we were spending so much time trying to get the new podcasts on the iPod. Shoot Chief has got to know at some point that I have to be the one to set my own routines. He’s making me feel like a rag doll. Do this, pet me, feed me, cuddle me … you know how it goes!It’s all about him. Hmpf!
Ok, well I just apologized … I gave him a good pet. Yeeks … now the grandmother of the octuplets house is getting foreclosed because she owes about $23,000 back taxes or something. Yeeks. The news people have really gone crazy on that woman. You know she’s waiting for society to save her, but I could imagine society take some of the kids of her hands, though if that had been done to me I’d go crazy. The lady really does need some help.
But, then in the meantime they showed a video of the other octuplet family and those people seemed to have gotten some donations, but basically they live on their own with the father working 2 jobs and the mother taking care of the kids. They lived VERY simply, but seemed to be great kids about 10 years old now.
Ok. That’s over … we had to get some fresh coffee too. Mostly though the kitty left … not that I don’t want to love him, but it is sure harder to type with him laid across my arms. Pswhoo!
So, how did the day go? Well let’s start with fishy-face. He seems to be doing better though he’s still having trouble with the trolling motor. He says it has problems going left and right. I know he’ll fix it as soon as he gets back. I think he’s got a call in already … I know that he’s been talking to Bob and I’m sure Bob has given him a few pointers too. He’s pretty well taken care of.
I’m thinking that because of the way the guys are that they are all talking between themselves how Rich and Ron’s trip is going. They are ALL eager to get out fishing, but then we had snow again here in Chicago yesterday. Rich in the meantime was saying that it was 70 down where he was at. What a guy!
He says the fish catching is still slow, but I think some kind of pressure is being released or he’s started to relax some because he was actually cheery. That was so nice to hear! He also took the time to ask about how we were doing.
The main things for us yesterday seemed to be work wise that we needed to get through some stuff with the songs. And, then there was the personal stuff. One of the parents – one of my favorites was going to donate some swords to the center for the Spring Fling. I had taken a good interest in purchasing them though for Joe and he thought that was a very good idea because he like me YAYY!!! Silly guy!
We worked it out in that I’d suggested a higher price, but then he told me he wouldn’t take more than $30 a piece for the 3. So, we made a deal. I called Joe and told him about them and he didn’t seem overly excited, but then later when I called back to see if I could come the same day instead of waiting til Saturday he seemed a little more excited - more on this though in a bit.
In the meantime I was almost ready to go to the CIRCLES group to teach sign to Group 1 – had 15 minutes left when I got a call from Thom. I won’t go into the details except to say that he wasn’t doing well and that he’d made a choice he said to get a divorce and that he’d been out drinking the night before and that he was going to ask to go to Japan right away instead of coming home in-between things.
I felt crushed for him. I’d hoped all along things were going to get better between him and Alexis, but then that’s not my decision. We’ve got to be here just to support as best we can. I’d like to be able to talk to Alexis … not that I can change anything but to let her know that I wish it were different and that I feel sad for losing her. She should know I have absolutely no bad feelings toward her.
If this is going to happen it might not help now, but maybe down the line. She’s really a good person. They can’t get over the part of her not being with him. He wants her to come and she doesn’t and three years is a long time to do a long-distance relationship with so much anger.
I was pretty upset too that Thom had chosen to go out drinking … I had been drifting off earlier to be back at the MarineParents Site and we’d just been 5 minutes before the call at one of the links to parents with kids in the Intelligence and they were discussing the kid that had gotten in the motorcycle accident and killed. I told Thom that it was the same kind of thing and that I thought he had better sense then that, because I’d certainly be mad as hell if he hurt himself in the same manner.
I don’t know if that makes a difference to Thom, but in case it did … I do want him to know this wasn’t acceptable behavior in my eyes. It’s not to say I didn’t know he was hurting bad. I just have to repeat there are better more adult ways of dealing with it and that meant talking to people.
I also let him know that I’d be much happier if he came home for the time between things. We reminded him that I would take him in a flash as would most likely his father or his brothers. Even if he isn’t going to stay with Alexis there’s no shortage of space for him. I also think that if he’s really going to go through with all this there are other things paper-wise that he should be getting in order.
It probably be best for his dad to sign off as power of attorney, but I’m thinking that if anyone is going to have responsibility over his paperwork here it might be his stepmother.
This might be an awkward thing for me to be saying, but I scared myself with how soon it was before I got overwhelmed before with it. If Thom still wanted me to try I naturally would because I should be working toward my better selves. But, I don’t have a good record with bills and so wouldn’t mind to turn that over to Jackie who I believe to be more regulated. I also think she has Thom’s best interest in heart.
I still think that it should be Thom’s father that has power of attorney, but that’s my general opinion of that.
Things need to be set up with Thom’s son too. I don’t know what the relationship is with Laura, Austin’s Mom, but I think they need to have a working relationship so that Thom stays included in his son’s life.
I had told Joe earlier that I didn’t want to have the swords around. I didn’t want to lug them up the stairs, keep them at the center, or leave them in the back of the CR-V. I kept imagining some thug stabbing me with my own weapons. They were really bruatal things to look at.
I think Joe was excited to get them, but then he stayed in cool mode too. I saw him swish them a few times just to see how they felt. He pointed out their flaws and said that he would try to realign them. I think he was more interested in the shoot forget the name … the Japanese one more that the other “castle” styled swords, but he said he’d take them off my hands. We made a deal that he pay $30 and I pay $60.
I thought that was fair. I wanted him to have them.
I could see that Alex might like to see them too. They’ve got very interested blades that weren’t straight, but swordfish/saw like. Yeeks! Joe said he would ask Sensei Steve to give him some advise on how to handle the Japanese blade. He said that one of his teachers had a sword similar and that interested him I think to have one too. I felt good about it and I thought that he would be careful with them.
Joe told me right away that he had to be getting back to his computer game pretty soon, but that I could stay and talk to him so we took him up on that. We got there shortly after 5 and we left at 6:30 pm. Joe was going over to Cari’s. That was fine with me, though it snowed all the way home and it made driving hard.
Bob the boys’ step-brother was on the Ventrilla with Joe. He had waited patiently while Joe checked out the swords. He knew I was in the room and Joe kept a conversation between Bob and him and us and him. It was slower and more tempered.
You can imagine we didn’t get far before I asked him what he’d heard from Thom.
Joe said that Bob had already told him about the divorce was that what I meant. I said yes and introduced also the subject of him out drinking. We didn’t talk about it much, but it was important that we were all on the same page here. Joe had his thoughts and I had mine, and like with Joe on the way home, I called Maury who was also headed home. He had gotten a call from Thom in the morning about the divorce and that he needed his father’s number for something. I think they needed to talk about Thom staying here over the break, though Thom was still thinking he’d ask about going to Japan early.
Again both Maury and I had our thoughts and then Maury talked for a few moments about personal things that were on his mind. In all it seemed like a very tiring night, but I was more relieved that I knew what they did and they knew what I did.
It seems in all cases that Thom had talked to or through his brothers to each other, so I didn’t feel I was indulging in conversation he would be aware of.
I have quite a bit of thoughts in mind, but I’m going to protect the ones more directly between Thom and the boys. You’ve got a general idea what’s going on.
There is a little more that I will say though as to the affects of what’s happening on my own accord as to losing a son to deployment. I feel here I’m on fairer ground.
As I said before I found myself back at MarineParents. This was the way I’d gotten through the hard parts before and the way I’ll go back again. I don’t know why all the separation over the time Thom’s been in MCT and MOS, but I think it was because for one I felt safer with Thom not being directly in bootcamp and that it wasn’t as new and strange and also because I have to admit I’m still having feelings of being put-out for not being a volunteer. That was crushing … I should probably talk to at least Sandy about it.
Sandy was like the next mother in line that was taking responsibilities and not far behind her was Judee and even Kimmer. These are the same three I’d like to meet-up with down toward Southern Illinois or Missouri. I don’t know if I’ll be included there or not. I think they’d accept me, but I’d really have to do the drive. I would like to though.
I think Sandy would be the one that could understand my feelings and thoughts of being put-off. We know that part of all this too is that there’s a little denial going on as to whether or not Thom is really somewhere that is going to be more dangerous. They are just saying now that 8,000 Marines are going to be sent to Afghanistan and I know that Japan is just a PDS and they deploy from there.
Hmm, we just caught up on our news from over at MarineParents. I am remembering a small taste of how much time it takes to be over there. Not just in writing and reading, but in the reminiscing part. You just get absorbed into the lives of others at the sites you are visiting. I’m feeling incredibly fortunate that it is going to be there again for us. I think we need to get out of the feelings of being a leader, and instead just a regular mother going through strange new feelings. I want to be there for Thom. I think part of the pulling back is that I didn’t want to interfere in the relationship of he and his wife. I know they are the primary relationship.
I have to admit though … I’ve been taken with the idea of asking Thom if Alexis doesn’t fly down to Pensacola whether or not he’d like me to fly down so I could drive back with him. I don’t know how much help I could be, but I am certainly willing to talk or be quiet … whichever would be necessary. I would be willing to give up even the computer if Thom would like me to be there. One of the mothers from the Intel site said that I should go down if I can and that there are so few parents there that they are really appreciative.
I think it would be good to spend the time with Thom. I feel bad for his situation and I’d be looking for the safest route. We’ll try talking with him today. And, then we’ll talk to Rich … we still have to get the money back into the H&R account before we could spend the money getting air flight. I’d ask if Alexis would want to sell her ticket, but I don’t think they are as transferable as they used to be. I don’t know how she would feel about that, but if it were possible and help her to save what they’d put out on the ticket … I would try in that respect to be helpful
If there were any way they were still going to meet to talk over their differences, then that would still be the first option. I feel very strongly that they are still in love with each other, just they can’t get over the location situation.
There was one other thing that I think complicates the situation. We found out yesterday that Alexis hasn’t told her mother that she is married. That seems like a very strange situation, but might explain why the difficulty in picking up and leaving to be with Thom. I’m not sure what’s happening there, but I really can’t say I understand that in the least, unless the mother is objecting to the marriage and Alexis hasn’t confronted those problems. It seems very strange to hide an entire marriage.
Pshwoo. I’m grateful though that I’m just a support person and not the one going through it. I think it’s hard on both of the kids … and we hope the best for both whichever direction it turns out.
So that’s about where we are about now … We’ve only got about 10 minutes before we’re going to need getting dressed. Today is staff training and CIRCLES for Group 2. We’re going to be working with both on sign languages. It was an idea that Maria had and Sister Theresa agreed to – basically, it would be a good time to go over the signs. I don’t know if we’re going to get to the third song or if we’ll just focus on the first two songs. I’ve really got down the first one that is more simple and I worked through the second song yesterday, but there are a few signs I’m still stuck on. I also started to pull together the page numbers for the third song – Our Father.
It took a while to get the words for the song from sister … It would have been easy enough to get something from the internet, but there’s always slight changes, so I wanted to get the version that was going to be sung. Sr. Florine when pushed wrote it out and then we typed it out and got copies to the trainers before we left.
We talked to Holly for a few moments and she really seems to have some grasp, but I’m not sure I can duplicate what she’s doing without some ability to study it … and she seems to change up when going through it making small adaptations. She does have some fluidity though that we haven’t conquered. She suggested that she’d be there at the event and would help, but then we told her that we’d have to adapt to what I could put together and remember and that if she was doing something different then what I’d trained them in … that it wouldn’t really be of help. She says though she can do what we’re doing … so we’ll have to see as it goes along.
I have no problem getting her involved, but I don’t want her to change up everything if I’ve spent time getting them to do it the best way I can imagine. If she was going to be going through session after session and not switching up it would be different. But, I can’t have her grandstanding and confusing what we’ve worked hard to manage. We’ll just have to wait it out and hope for the best. There’s no doubt though … at an upfront level she knows what she’s doing more than me. I’d prefer her to update what we’re working through. But, it’s going to fall back to doing whatever I have to do to be teaching a large group. If I could get out of not leading it then I would, because I’m not real thrilled about standing in front of a large group. But, someone needed to step up to the plate and I guess it was just my turn. Be patient baby!
Ok, about time to go now. Let’s hope for a good day … and we’re going to need thinking more seriously about getting work done, hmm? What about those Qnotes you were going to do? Ok, now this is no time to mess up. Let’s do something we can give Rich a good report on tonight, ok? Just think just a couple more days and Sweetie Pie will be home. We’re doing good, right? WooHOO!!! Yay for Fuzzy bunnies!
posted by Ann Marie @ 2/19/2009 06:55:00 AM
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