Gettin through a Friday
Good morning. We are still here … well at least still here, but are at work. It’s about an hour after getting here. We were cleaning things up and going through our email. Most of it was junk mail with the exception of the one video that we posted … it comes from Vickie. I think this one is a tough one cuz you imprint your son on the face of the one who’s died and you try and steel yourself up in that if it happened to you … you could handle it. I think that’s a hard thing.
It’s been raining out overnight and the asphalt is wet. And, it feels sorta like a crying day. Hmm, Vickie just sent me another story. We wrote back saying I’m sure she wants me in tears. *Sigh* It will be ok, right?
We sent a copy of this morning’s regular blog to Rich and Dr. Marvin. We wanted them to know as much as we knew about last night. It always gets more serious when we’ve reached down and hit those suicidal feelings. It feels like its hovering around me now. We are not acting out, but those feelings of being too close to it are there.
We are code orange.
Ok, maybe we better try to calm the system. We turned on the music to Enya-like stations. I’m not sure if I want to be there either, because we are feeling depressed and the music might be too solemn. Not sure … we’re going to have to feel our way through it. We are leaving our email box open because we are hoping that Dr. Marvin writes us back. It feels sorta like we’re leaning on him this morning. I can hear the regular voices out in the other room of Karla and the clients. They seem close, but yet very distant, because not too many people know what we think and feel. I don’t even know what we think and feel. Just have to allow it to come out one speck at a time, go through it, and push forward.
Hmm, Dow Jones fell more than 400 points in opening minutes of trading. It’s 8:43 am now – 9:38 EDT. Lordy is it going to be one of those days? I know the Eastern markets were all over the place too. I’m not sure why … I had known before, but it’s now forgotten. Maybe we are like the economy and we’re going up and down … and we’re waiting for Obama to come save us. I know that Dr. Marvin is closer to us on a day to day basis. He’s the one that would literally make sure we get to count on the next day and the next, I feel like Dr. Marvin is a part of us. He’s got his own role. Obama … he’s the world’s savior. I’m so much hoping those that support him actually go out to vote. The older people are more dependable and too many older people are still going Republican, because they do not see the same needs for change. Oh Lordy, let’s not let them decide our future for another dangerous 4 years. We just can’t handle it as a country or world.
Ok, and then there is my part. I have to be here to handle whatever news is to come.
I wonder if not accepting work and gym is the same as saying for the younger one she cannot accept her life. It’s very hard to cope with it at all right now. I’m here and the only reason is is to protect my days off. We’re hoping today isn’t going to be too bad, in that today we’re having a Pizza party donated from a local business and we’re celebrating our founders day. Mostly what that means to me right now is that we don’t have to do Thinking Group most likely because the group will be wound up from Pizza party … most likely there will be dancing too. Sheesh I hope that’s what it means. I don’t want to think about going out in public – the center. They just announced Father was here. It’s time for the Friday services. I almost wish I would go. But, things feel too vulnerable to be with people who I don’t want to show my feelings too. I think that’s something that Rich would encourage me not to do. Be vulnerable in front of others. So, we just be here and type and try to work our way through it moment to moment.
Maybe we could watch just once the video of Dr. Marvin’s office? We’re not going to cry are we? Cmon girls shake it off.
I don’t know if that will stick. We watched the video a couple of times, then we froze it on a picture of Dr. Marvin. I don’t want to feel bad. Maybe we can have a pudding early? Hmm?
Ok, that’s been done and we used the washroom too. We turned the music back on too. I wonder if Rich is going to be home tonight. What did he say this morning. I know that he was already worried about what he was going to be doing next. And, I remember scolding him for being so stubborn about something, but now I can’t recall what that was about. I think I’m leaving him too much by himself in his thoughts about what is going to happen if and when JVS goes down. Basically, we’re both pretty sure they are going to go the route where they close off the workshops. There are only two now … and one of those two is a tiny one for about 30 people.
Most of the staff from the one location BC where I used to work are being let go of.
Rich said he found out yesterday that his specialists were going under the direction of the building directors. I could have foreseen that one … and I did yesterday, but out of courtesy to Rich I didn’t say it out loud. It’s just that if they are going to let him go down the line, they are not going to let him have more control.
Besides, the specialists have been most often on the side of belonging more to the building toward counselors and client needs than workshop production type values.
I told Rich that we needed some time to sit down with a pen and paper and figure things out. He says that he has the support of his office person just let go if he could pay her. I think she knows Rich and he trusts her, but I think that it’s going to be more than he can afford until he makes more money. I didn’t mention that I might be interested in working for him, because I never do so well with him – outside when I was at JVS. I depended on him very much there. It’s just that given a choice – you see my propensity for work. I just want to write. And, I’m selfish with it, because we keep thinking primarily about self.
We told Dr. Marvin and maybe Rich about the place over at Helium.com for writers. I think it’s a good idea, but they’ve not sold the idea yet, because not too many publishers are asking to have work done for them. I wonder if there’s another place like that with more business. We might want to check in on that, but I think for the time being this might be a place to try my skills. I’m under no illusion that I can take off and just write for a living, but I like the idea of doing it part time to work on my skills for writing articles at specified lengths and topics. It sounds like something I should be able to do. I’d have to work also on my Internet skills, but I saw another lady on there yesterday from one of the articles on multiples and she’d written like 300 articles. I guess you can do it. Just have to put yourself up there.
Ok, good … starting to calm down off that other stuff this morning. We were wondering about how to hurt ourselves … in that precarious position where we were feeling very vulnerable to it. It feels now like I have a little better grip, but I think we need to keep thinking thoughts that aren’t so wispy. I sure hope I don’t get any phone calls. We’re definitely running. Ok, we weren’t going there, right? I know I should look at my annual list to make sure of where it’s at, but I don’t feel up to taking that much responsibility.
We were pretty strong Dr. Marvin was saying about getting out of this job. I told him we were willing to even let go of the office. It seems like it’s a nice enough place, don’t get me wrong, it’s just that it feels like part of our threat. We feel threatened with the thought of hearing Sr. Theresa’s footsteps and her coming into the office and her asking just what are we doing. How can I tell her how far backed up we are with annuals and Qnotes. Man do I hate doing them. I just can’t, I can’t!
Ok, SHHHHH let’s not go there. We’re making a molehill into a mountain, don’t you know? I know I know. Just don’t want to think of anything like that. Ok? Shhh, it will be ok.
The feelings of now wanting to escape are coming real strong again. I need to find another way to survive. Hmm, that didn’t work out so well. We found a couple places.
It seems like grant writers are the most sought after. There’s so many agencies vying for little pieces of the pie. Rich has tried to get me to become a grantwriter, but it really doesn’t suit us. I don’t think we are too much professional – is what we are getting from this last search. We like to use poor grammar when it suits us and we don’t like working for copying deadlines. Hmm, maybe we better not go down the wrong path here. I think we should work on writing articles first and see how that goes. $10 in would make us a professional hehehe.
I’m just not sure if we are as creative as necessary to become good and plus we don’t have the exact formulas for writing. We are basically untrained. So, maybe we should stop thinking we could become a writer, per say? Maybe what it is that we write is simply blogs. Like we are doing now. That’s what would be ideal. We’re back to thinking that this work could someday pay for itself. Shoot if you are reading this again you are probably saying “Oh my tired ear!”
Last night we talked to Dr. Marvin in that we’d grown up with part-time jobs, but then we went to school for 3 years and didn’t do too much working, and then we got married and was a housewife for about 10 years. And, then we had to go to work. We played with school a little in between, but basically, we had to go back to work. We worked for about 7 years until we went crazy, and then we went back to school for a couple of years and now here we are 9 years down the working line and we’ve gotten no place. We are doing the same basic job now as when we started – whereby we really want to go back to being at home.
It would take a lot of dedication though to do something with Rich even if he could pay a net of $3000 a month. I guess that’s about it … we would have to net $36,000 just to stay caught up. Rich couldn’t afford me, but it’s something that might come up if he were renegotiating his work. Thing would be what could I offer him that would be worth $36,000. Or, he could just pay all my expenses and give me an allowance. I’m not really particular.
I’d have to figure with Rich what our business would be. I know in general he is a procurement specialist for obtaining and following through with workshop jobs. I’d have to be serious about thinking that’s the kind of thing I could involve myself in. And, I would have to be confident I could really help him. I do have some structure of business background with CARF, but I haven’t written myself out of that dilemma yet. But, I have that, plus being involved with clients and others, and I have my background in doing production coordination work. It’s just that I would have to listen to Rich seriously and do whatever it was that he needed … even if it was only licking envelopes. I think he would need to renegotiate his contract with JVS. He has to consider seriously what it would take to run his own business at this juncture. I would have to fit into his needs. BUT, if it could get me to working from home, that would be something worthwhile, right?
Ok, where are we going with this. Are we suggesting that we want to get into something that would be that much more work? Thinking of having a small office and running the office as a one or two-person task. I think that his customers would have to have somewhere to go to meet with him. I’m thinking of a couple small offices a front end receptionist and a conference room. But, this is way ahead of ourselves. I know that if we were to work with Rich, we would need to work out of our home. Maybe turn the back room into a proper office. We would need some workspace. Why am I so complainy. I make it very difficult to be trusted. I don’t even fold underwear on schedule.
I don’t think I would be a good bet for Rich. He has confidence in my work, but then I would have to apply myself all the time. I might be a drain on him to keep up with things. Maybe I could start by doing something seriously around the house? Like could we pick up our fudgicle sticks? That would be a start, now wouldn’t it? Or what happened if we read one of those books on grantwriting, or volunteered to take on one of his client’s CARF problems? That might be a way of becoming more involved with Sr. Theresa’s “contract” Right now she is paying $46,000 and $37,000 – so $83,000 for Rich and us and what are we really doing for her?
I wish I could just do the contract work of CARF and let the Qnotes go. Hmmm, we are riling ourselves up here and I think it’s in a good way. We just have to follow through on something. I know that we follow through on writing to this blog, but that’s the only thing. I wonder how much it cost to rent out a little office? But, then again we are faced with having to leave the house, something we are trying to avoid here at this very moment. In a sense we fear losing touch with reality. We had problems too in getting so little when Rich was getting so much more. Like why do I have to stay behind and work, when you are going out to play golf and fish. And, what happens to my free time? Are we going to get to write and read and volunteer for politics? Where would our life be?
Could we ever get so good that we end up living in my big house? Could he afford to be that far from Chicago? Most likely not. And, it might be retro for us to be going back to Elgin/Algonquin area. Both of us left spouses out there. I wonder if that’s part of wanting that house is to go back to the days where I worked from home – my big house. I did work in those days, though I had my depression days too. That doesn’t seem to go away. Remember how long it was that we were on disability. It took a long way to get from that mark. We wouldn’t want to go back to it, but have to admit that we’d need insurance.
I wish then that Rich could renegotiate my deal here at St. Rose Center. I’d like to pop in every 2-3 days to be working on CARF, but only CARF. I would want to keep my insurance, but not be a QMRP. I don’t want to be her employee. I think that we have to work away from being just a Q at the center. It would take some ambition though.
Maybe we could test that out today … maybe do a little work on CARF? It seems that its been a while since we did that. I’d like to accomplish something?
Wow … this is sounding a little like enthusiasm. Where are we going with that? It’s not really that I want to back way away from St. Rose … I just want to get away from the fucking Q-WORK!
Ok, girls slow down here … I see that’s causing us a bit of consternation. HMM??
We are very frustrated too in that the week after next we are going to have to be doing the group. I don’t want to be doing that.
I wonder if there was some way that we could negotiate to do some of this work without being so tied down. I really despise that I have to do Qwork. Ok, that’s better at least not capital letters. I think we should work on doing something concrete for Sr. Theresa. This would be a good idea right? Then maybe we would have something to bundle with Rich to sell. I don’t see how he’s doing much work for her now and I think that Sr. Florine is going to be doing the fund-raising so that’s something else Rich won’t be responsible for and she won’t want to pay him for. I need time and concentration to get things done. I think I could be more responsible, but I know that sometimes we’ve got down-time trying to figure things out again. I’d really like to talk to Rich now about business … I want some clear time with him to figure out how the two of us are going to get through this. We both hold safe anchors in St. Rose and JVS. That goes triple for insurance. But, maybe that too would be negotiable. It would depend on if we could get into a pool with Blue Cross Blue Shield.
In a sense then is getting insurance with Sr. Theresa something that could be worked into our plan? And, if he was to give up some office room for a person to be Q, could we share an office with Rich? Especially, if we both were coming in and out of the center only to perform certain functions? That would be an ideal situation. I would have to clean up my space, but there are two desks in here. Ok, now we are thinking about a lot of stuff. We would have to be at a low enough price to be working on other projects and giving up enough salary to allow Sr. to get another Q.
Ok, back again … we just put in a preliminary call with Rich. I think he might be coming to St. Rose today. I want him to know we’ve been thinking through some thoughts. I don’t know what difference it means to me to be directly under sister as a Q rather than subcontracting work from her. I think the changes would almost have to be in a package deal with Rich. I think too that it would be a good think for her to know of our interest in each other or at minimum of Rich’s divorce, but I know that Rich is thinking we’re a very far way away from this. But, we’ve got to think of something that’s going to secure our incomes. We need to set up a life where we aren’t so depended directly on St. Rose or JVS. We both think they will close up the shops in 3 years, and we’re thinking that Sr. Theresa will be not here 3 years from now. She’s pretty strong, but how long is she going to give everything she’s got into having worries opposed to taking a retirement. I think she’ll die trying and not retire, but it’s hard to depend on her being here.
We’ve talked to her about this til we feel blue in the face. AS WELL … we’ve talked to her over and over again about not wanting the Q job. Maybe she’d have to come down on my income for not doing it, but we’re making no headway here in not doing it at all. Ok, Garvey … what the hell are we trying to bank on? What is it that we ARE doing for her? How would we keep from breaking her, especially since she’s now got transportation back on her shoulders. The deal we’d talked about before was only good for people using the buses.
Where are my ducks?
Hold up … we’ve passed some time. AND do you know what? Well, of course it’s 12:26 pm, but more than that!?? V sent us a note about the AOL Journals switching over and do you know what??? They switched over to BLOGGER … Let’s thank our lucky stars! Can you believe it! I got all the journals brought over and it wasn’t even painful – and now all of our work is safely under one spot. We figured out there were 2,104 entries made between 14 journals over the last 5 plus years and that our main multiple journal – this one is 43% of the work. Pretty impressive, hMM?? Here I’ll show you what they all are.
Let’s see now that I’m so obsessed … I could list them alphabetically
Ayn at Work – 1 post
Ayns Masters Work – 124 posts
Ayn’s Multiple World – 896 posts
Ayn’s Original Multiple World – 608 posts
Diary of Quite Frankly Ann – 2 posts
Directory Assistance – 71 posts
Et Als Journal – 10 posts
Joe’s Kickboxing Blog – 3 posts
Life Telling Words – 6 posts
Masters’ Work – 119 posts
Myrtle T. – 4 posts
Our FlyLady Journal – 32 posts
This is Sarah’s Blog – 16 posts
Write Words Writers Club – 212 posts
Hmm, that was good and neurotic. J No that’s not a title, but might as well be.
There were a few more, but we let them go, because more or less sketch pads. The two blogs for Directory Assistance and Write Words Writers Club are communal blogs.
Hmm, that’s weird Rosa came back to check on something … she said she’ll be on vacation all next week. She had a few minor complaints … just getting things off her chest – not due to me, but others … she just called back though not to say anything about it so I won’t go any further with it here than that. I figure she meant Rich too because he had just called her to open the door. So, I’ll keep it to myself … she doesn’t want it getting back to sister and I agree with her doesn’t need to be done. So we’re letting it go.
In the meantime, we can say a hurrah for our sweetie being here. That’s a nice surprise … well we thought he’d come, but it’s always.
Ok, good … we’ve taken inroads. Rich is elsewhere now in the building and he sat down and talked to me a while. He also talked later with Karla, because from what we figure both Rich and her lifelong friend is into officiating. She was touching base.
That was pretty cool. But as to Rich and my conversation.
He was talking about he could go independent and we were saying why don’t we organize it now toward that point. I told him for example, I would like to go through this next 2 years at getting real good at CARF, and then I would like to just sell those services. He recommended being a surveyor, but we forgot at the time you have to be an affiliate at a CARF surveyed place. So, in that case I’d still have to be connected to St. Rose. BUT, there would be a part of myself who might contract through St. Rose to the other sister locations. I could then travel to St. Mary’s and St. Joseph’s and anywhere else they might need me.
I could get that good. But the thing was that I’d work under Rich’s umbrella, because he’s the business person between us. He can do the contracts and figure out the money and sell our product. We brought up the Grantwriting again too and made concessions in doing his secretarial work. That’s always been a point of contention.
We told him that he had to start looking at me as a $26 person rather than a $12 worker. He complained I can’t do that much, then we’re back to … well then you can’t afford my service. Especially, after he started billing me out on my own. I don’t want to get all caught up with where he is and isn’t, but a skeleton was being reissued. The last round he’d asked about the same time I went back to school. I was choosing at the time between my psychology interests over his secretarial needs. I told him this time we would be more accepting. He talked about things he would have to do … and that’s basically, what we wanted him to do … and of course, our first meeting it had to be said something about my work habits and disabilities. He’s saying I can’t afford to have disabilities and we’re saying maybe we’re then asking too much.
He says you want a partnership and I’m not sold yet that you can do the work. He’s got a point. He only smiled a little when I said I’d start picking up my popsicle sticks. He reminded us that we’d have to maintain ages. We are so excited by the thoughts of getting out past chrononotes, we don’t want to go anywhere else. Ok, good … this gives us some breathing space. Now we have to figure out where we are again. I need to think though more of what was said and the potential for reality.
He wants to be a Prykop and Associates and I want to be a Prykop and Garvey. We’ve got some space to go here. We need to become more of a business person before he can take us on as a partner, but we don’t want to not have full credit for being a fully contributing partner. Whoops that’s the point … he wants someone to work for him, more than with him. But, he has to know that we are coming in it as a relationship and we can’t either of us afford to have that level of disrespect. But, then have we earned it through our behavior. But, if we can’t see past that now … what reassurances would there ever be. I need to think I’m progressing at life.
Ok, here … need to slow down again.
Time to take another break. Had to take care of a couple of business matters. Whoops one more. Gotta check on insurance. Ok, didn’t get too far there.
My new insurance company dropped the ball, so now I’m thinking that it’s a good deal to maintain insurance agencies … they never mess things up. They don’t do anything with my business, but stay on track. So I called them up and left a message. I still have to change the car over and explain that my check is going to bounce this month because we’re switching banks. That and I have no money for this period. It’s going to need getting fixed up over the next several months. We just did that with our music channel … they were overcharging me, so that was a good fix. They haven’t turned off the music yet, but I had to close the account until I could give them a new credit card. Eh, fair enough.
I figure the car insurance will hold me. I also talked to the Gym membership today.
They had called me by a machine to offer a special deal on adding someone to our account. We didn’t end up going with that deal, but we offered it to Rich anyway.
He’s still like NO. Maybe once a quarter. HMPF! Men!
Hmm, Dow closed 320 down … it’s almost like no big deal anymore it happens so often.
I didn’t really realize that Rich was going to have a game tonight. He’s supposed to be back about 8 pm. He’s eating out with the guys again. I sure hope he doesn’t have another mistress! Sheesh he’d have to divorce one woman and demistresize the other.
Pswhoo that be a bad day!
Ok, what’s next … just have 45 minutes left to go … I wonder if Vickie is still holding in there. Might want to check. :)
Maybe she’ll have a smile now on her face too. I think she works an hour later than me. But, we both can taste Fridays!
Tomorrow I’ll be back at campaign headquarters. That should be fun. I will have to talk to Rich about having enough money for transportation. I think I can do the weekend for 32+5+16= $53 Ok, that’s a point. More money out. I might have a few dollars, but not much more than $10. I did get some gas this week, but I think I’m under half again. We’ll see. If he’s feeling bad about leaving me almost all week by myself then maybe he’ll help. OH YAH … AND maybe he’ll drive for me! That will save some money! Plus, he could push to get me back easier. And, then the weekend after we’ll be in Missouri. I have a doctor appointment on next Thursday and the following Tuesday – election day. Plus that week there will be another administration meeting where I’m to need coming clean about where we are in CARF. Should do something to progress.
Gary got a hold of me today to let me know I missed making arrangements for one of my people … Damn that smarted. I had to set an appointment for next Wednesday. Not too much business beside that … I went in for pizza after we were called and I sat next to some non-popular clients. It was ok, felt isolated.
We’ve gone pretty much the whole day without thinking much of suicidal stuff. Should clear that now because Dr. Marvin is going soon I’m sure if he hasn’t left for the weekend already. Is there anything we have to tell him without inventing a crisis. I think we made it to the better part of time. We are going to need doing tonight on our own. Rich wants us to go back to the gym, not sure where that is. Oh yeah. I’ve got to get them $50. Think that was within the budget … though the budget is running short. We remembered to text the boys and Alexis too. Nothing heard back from any of them, but the all should be working. I asked Maury if it was too early to plan his birthday meal. Joe didn’t respond back to the birthday question. I wouldn’t mind if it were just me and Maury … and most likely the girls. Seems like it’s been a long time since he stopped over again. Have to figure that out. We hinted to Thom he could call anytime.
What would it take to get that $50. I left my checkbook at home – the new one … that’s the major problem right now. I think I got the clothes here so I could go, but I was supposed to pay the gym bill on the 21rst. I think that’s then going to be blocked out the next 3 days. Guess it’s going to be a quiet day at home.
It’s been raining out overnight and the asphalt is wet. And, it feels sorta like a crying day. Hmm, Vickie just sent me another story. We wrote back saying I’m sure she wants me in tears. *Sigh* It will be ok, right?
We sent a copy of this morning’s regular blog to Rich and Dr. Marvin. We wanted them to know as much as we knew about last night. It always gets more serious when we’ve reached down and hit those suicidal feelings. It feels like its hovering around me now. We are not acting out, but those feelings of being too close to it are there.
We are code orange.
Ok, maybe we better try to calm the system. We turned on the music to Enya-like stations. I’m not sure if I want to be there either, because we are feeling depressed and the music might be too solemn. Not sure … we’re going to have to feel our way through it. We are leaving our email box open because we are hoping that Dr. Marvin writes us back. It feels sorta like we’re leaning on him this morning. I can hear the regular voices out in the other room of Karla and the clients. They seem close, but yet very distant, because not too many people know what we think and feel. I don’t even know what we think and feel. Just have to allow it to come out one speck at a time, go through it, and push forward.
Hmm, Dow Jones fell more than 400 points in opening minutes of trading. It’s 8:43 am now – 9:38 EDT. Lordy is it going to be one of those days? I know the Eastern markets were all over the place too. I’m not sure why … I had known before, but it’s now forgotten. Maybe we are like the economy and we’re going up and down … and we’re waiting for Obama to come save us. I know that Dr. Marvin is closer to us on a day to day basis. He’s the one that would literally make sure we get to count on the next day and the next, I feel like Dr. Marvin is a part of us. He’s got his own role. Obama … he’s the world’s savior. I’m so much hoping those that support him actually go out to vote. The older people are more dependable and too many older people are still going Republican, because they do not see the same needs for change. Oh Lordy, let’s not let them decide our future for another dangerous 4 years. We just can’t handle it as a country or world.
Ok, and then there is my part. I have to be here to handle whatever news is to come.
I wonder if not accepting work and gym is the same as saying for the younger one she cannot accept her life. It’s very hard to cope with it at all right now. I’m here and the only reason is is to protect my days off. We’re hoping today isn’t going to be too bad, in that today we’re having a Pizza party donated from a local business and we’re celebrating our founders day. Mostly what that means to me right now is that we don’t have to do Thinking Group most likely because the group will be wound up from Pizza party … most likely there will be dancing too. Sheesh I hope that’s what it means. I don’t want to think about going out in public – the center. They just announced Father was here. It’s time for the Friday services. I almost wish I would go. But, things feel too vulnerable to be with people who I don’t want to show my feelings too. I think that’s something that Rich would encourage me not to do. Be vulnerable in front of others. So, we just be here and type and try to work our way through it moment to moment.
Maybe we could watch just once the video of Dr. Marvin’s office? We’re not going to cry are we? Cmon girls shake it off.
I don’t know if that will stick. We watched the video a couple of times, then we froze it on a picture of Dr. Marvin. I don’t want to feel bad. Maybe we can have a pudding early? Hmm?
Ok, that’s been done and we used the washroom too. We turned the music back on too. I wonder if Rich is going to be home tonight. What did he say this morning. I know that he was already worried about what he was going to be doing next. And, I remember scolding him for being so stubborn about something, but now I can’t recall what that was about. I think I’m leaving him too much by himself in his thoughts about what is going to happen if and when JVS goes down. Basically, we’re both pretty sure they are going to go the route where they close off the workshops. There are only two now … and one of those two is a tiny one for about 30 people.
Most of the staff from the one location BC where I used to work are being let go of.
Rich said he found out yesterday that his specialists were going under the direction of the building directors. I could have foreseen that one … and I did yesterday, but out of courtesy to Rich I didn’t say it out loud. It’s just that if they are going to let him go down the line, they are not going to let him have more control.
Besides, the specialists have been most often on the side of belonging more to the building toward counselors and client needs than workshop production type values.
I told Rich that we needed some time to sit down with a pen and paper and figure things out. He says that he has the support of his office person just let go if he could pay her. I think she knows Rich and he trusts her, but I think that it’s going to be more than he can afford until he makes more money. I didn’t mention that I might be interested in working for him, because I never do so well with him – outside when I was at JVS. I depended on him very much there. It’s just that given a choice – you see my propensity for work. I just want to write. And, I’m selfish with it, because we keep thinking primarily about self.
We told Dr. Marvin and maybe Rich about the place over at Helium.com for writers. I think it’s a good idea, but they’ve not sold the idea yet, because not too many publishers are asking to have work done for them. I wonder if there’s another place like that with more business. We might want to check in on that, but I think for the time being this might be a place to try my skills. I’m under no illusion that I can take off and just write for a living, but I like the idea of doing it part time to work on my skills for writing articles at specified lengths and topics. It sounds like something I should be able to do. I’d have to work also on my Internet skills, but I saw another lady on there yesterday from one of the articles on multiples and she’d written like 300 articles. I guess you can do it. Just have to put yourself up there.
Ok, good … starting to calm down off that other stuff this morning. We were wondering about how to hurt ourselves … in that precarious position where we were feeling very vulnerable to it. It feels now like I have a little better grip, but I think we need to keep thinking thoughts that aren’t so wispy. I sure hope I don’t get any phone calls. We’re definitely running. Ok, we weren’t going there, right? I know I should look at my annual list to make sure of where it’s at, but I don’t feel up to taking that much responsibility.
We were pretty strong Dr. Marvin was saying about getting out of this job. I told him we were willing to even let go of the office. It seems like it’s a nice enough place, don’t get me wrong, it’s just that it feels like part of our threat. We feel threatened with the thought of hearing Sr. Theresa’s footsteps and her coming into the office and her asking just what are we doing. How can I tell her how far backed up we are with annuals and Qnotes. Man do I hate doing them. I just can’t, I can’t!
Ok, SHHHHH let’s not go there. We’re making a molehill into a mountain, don’t you know? I know I know. Just don’t want to think of anything like that. Ok? Shhh, it will be ok.
The feelings of now wanting to escape are coming real strong again. I need to find another way to survive. Hmm, that didn’t work out so well. We found a couple places.
It seems like grant writers are the most sought after. There’s so many agencies vying for little pieces of the pie. Rich has tried to get me to become a grantwriter, but it really doesn’t suit us. I don’t think we are too much professional – is what we are getting from this last search. We like to use poor grammar when it suits us and we don’t like working for copying deadlines. Hmm, maybe we better not go down the wrong path here. I think we should work on writing articles first and see how that goes. $10 in would make us a professional hehehe.
I’m just not sure if we are as creative as necessary to become good and plus we don’t have the exact formulas for writing. We are basically untrained. So, maybe we should stop thinking we could become a writer, per say? Maybe what it is that we write is simply blogs. Like we are doing now. That’s what would be ideal. We’re back to thinking that this work could someday pay for itself. Shoot if you are reading this again you are probably saying “Oh my tired ear!”
Last night we talked to Dr. Marvin in that we’d grown up with part-time jobs, but then we went to school for 3 years and didn’t do too much working, and then we got married and was a housewife for about 10 years. And, then we had to go to work. We played with school a little in between, but basically, we had to go back to work. We worked for about 7 years until we went crazy, and then we went back to school for a couple of years and now here we are 9 years down the working line and we’ve gotten no place. We are doing the same basic job now as when we started – whereby we really want to go back to being at home.
It would take a lot of dedication though to do something with Rich even if he could pay a net of $3000 a month. I guess that’s about it … we would have to net $36,000 just to stay caught up. Rich couldn’t afford me, but it’s something that might come up if he were renegotiating his work. Thing would be what could I offer him that would be worth $36,000. Or, he could just pay all my expenses and give me an allowance. I’m not really particular.
I’d have to figure with Rich what our business would be. I know in general he is a procurement specialist for obtaining and following through with workshop jobs. I’d have to be serious about thinking that’s the kind of thing I could involve myself in. And, I would have to be confident I could really help him. I do have some structure of business background with CARF, but I haven’t written myself out of that dilemma yet. But, I have that, plus being involved with clients and others, and I have my background in doing production coordination work. It’s just that I would have to listen to Rich seriously and do whatever it was that he needed … even if it was only licking envelopes. I think he would need to renegotiate his contract with JVS. He has to consider seriously what it would take to run his own business at this juncture. I would have to fit into his needs. BUT, if it could get me to working from home, that would be something worthwhile, right?
Ok, where are we going with this. Are we suggesting that we want to get into something that would be that much more work? Thinking of having a small office and running the office as a one or two-person task. I think that his customers would have to have somewhere to go to meet with him. I’m thinking of a couple small offices a front end receptionist and a conference room. But, this is way ahead of ourselves. I know that if we were to work with Rich, we would need to work out of our home. Maybe turn the back room into a proper office. We would need some workspace. Why am I so complainy. I make it very difficult to be trusted. I don’t even fold underwear on schedule.
I don’t think I would be a good bet for Rich. He has confidence in my work, but then I would have to apply myself all the time. I might be a drain on him to keep up with things. Maybe I could start by doing something seriously around the house? Like could we pick up our fudgicle sticks? That would be a start, now wouldn’t it? Or what happened if we read one of those books on grantwriting, or volunteered to take on one of his client’s CARF problems? That might be a way of becoming more involved with Sr. Theresa’s “contract” Right now she is paying $46,000 and $37,000 – so $83,000 for Rich and us and what are we really doing for her?
I wish I could just do the contract work of CARF and let the Qnotes go. Hmmm, we are riling ourselves up here and I think it’s in a good way. We just have to follow through on something. I know that we follow through on writing to this blog, but that’s the only thing. I wonder how much it cost to rent out a little office? But, then again we are faced with having to leave the house, something we are trying to avoid here at this very moment. In a sense we fear losing touch with reality. We had problems too in getting so little when Rich was getting so much more. Like why do I have to stay behind and work, when you are going out to play golf and fish. And, what happens to my free time? Are we going to get to write and read and volunteer for politics? Where would our life be?
Could we ever get so good that we end up living in my big house? Could he afford to be that far from Chicago? Most likely not. And, it might be retro for us to be going back to Elgin/Algonquin area. Both of us left spouses out there. I wonder if that’s part of wanting that house is to go back to the days where I worked from home – my big house. I did work in those days, though I had my depression days too. That doesn’t seem to go away. Remember how long it was that we were on disability. It took a long way to get from that mark. We wouldn’t want to go back to it, but have to admit that we’d need insurance.
I wish then that Rich could renegotiate my deal here at St. Rose Center. I’d like to pop in every 2-3 days to be working on CARF, but only CARF. I would want to keep my insurance, but not be a QMRP. I don’t want to be her employee. I think that we have to work away from being just a Q at the center. It would take some ambition though.
Maybe we could test that out today … maybe do a little work on CARF? It seems that its been a while since we did that. I’d like to accomplish something?
Wow … this is sounding a little like enthusiasm. Where are we going with that? It’s not really that I want to back way away from St. Rose … I just want to get away from the fucking Q-WORK!
Ok, girls slow down here … I see that’s causing us a bit of consternation. HMM??
We are very frustrated too in that the week after next we are going to have to be doing the group. I don’t want to be doing that.
I wonder if there was some way that we could negotiate to do some of this work without being so tied down. I really despise that I have to do Qwork. Ok, that’s better at least not capital letters. I think we should work on doing something concrete for Sr. Theresa. This would be a good idea right? Then maybe we would have something to bundle with Rich to sell. I don’t see how he’s doing much work for her now and I think that Sr. Florine is going to be doing the fund-raising so that’s something else Rich won’t be responsible for and she won’t want to pay him for. I need time and concentration to get things done. I think I could be more responsible, but I know that sometimes we’ve got down-time trying to figure things out again. I’d really like to talk to Rich now about business … I want some clear time with him to figure out how the two of us are going to get through this. We both hold safe anchors in St. Rose and JVS. That goes triple for insurance. But, maybe that too would be negotiable. It would depend on if we could get into a pool with Blue Cross Blue Shield.
In a sense then is getting insurance with Sr. Theresa something that could be worked into our plan? And, if he was to give up some office room for a person to be Q, could we share an office with Rich? Especially, if we both were coming in and out of the center only to perform certain functions? That would be an ideal situation. I would have to clean up my space, but there are two desks in here. Ok, now we are thinking about a lot of stuff. We would have to be at a low enough price to be working on other projects and giving up enough salary to allow Sr. to get another Q.
Ok, back again … we just put in a preliminary call with Rich. I think he might be coming to St. Rose today. I want him to know we’ve been thinking through some thoughts. I don’t know what difference it means to me to be directly under sister as a Q rather than subcontracting work from her. I think the changes would almost have to be in a package deal with Rich. I think too that it would be a good think for her to know of our interest in each other or at minimum of Rich’s divorce, but I know that Rich is thinking we’re a very far way away from this. But, we’ve got to think of something that’s going to secure our incomes. We need to set up a life where we aren’t so depended directly on St. Rose or JVS. We both think they will close up the shops in 3 years, and we’re thinking that Sr. Theresa will be not here 3 years from now. She’s pretty strong, but how long is she going to give everything she’s got into having worries opposed to taking a retirement. I think she’ll die trying and not retire, but it’s hard to depend on her being here.
We’ve talked to her about this til we feel blue in the face. AS WELL … we’ve talked to her over and over again about not wanting the Q job. Maybe she’d have to come down on my income for not doing it, but we’re making no headway here in not doing it at all. Ok, Garvey … what the hell are we trying to bank on? What is it that we ARE doing for her? How would we keep from breaking her, especially since she’s now got transportation back on her shoulders. The deal we’d talked about before was only good for people using the buses.
Where are my ducks?
Hold up … we’ve passed some time. AND do you know what? Well, of course it’s 12:26 pm, but more than that!?? V sent us a note about the AOL Journals switching over and do you know what??? They switched over to BLOGGER … Let’s thank our lucky stars! Can you believe it! I got all the journals brought over and it wasn’t even painful – and now all of our work is safely under one spot. We figured out there were 2,104 entries made between 14 journals over the last 5 plus years and that our main multiple journal – this one is 43% of the work. Pretty impressive, hMM?? Here I’ll show you what they all are.
Let’s see now that I’m so obsessed … I could list them alphabetically
Ayn at Work – 1 post
Ayns Masters Work – 124 posts
Ayn’s Multiple World – 896 posts
Ayn’s Original Multiple World – 608 posts
Diary of Quite Frankly Ann – 2 posts
Directory Assistance – 71 posts
Et Als Journal – 10 posts
Joe’s Kickboxing Blog – 3 posts
Life Telling Words – 6 posts
Masters’ Work – 119 posts
Myrtle T. – 4 posts
Our FlyLady Journal – 32 posts
This is Sarah’s Blog – 16 posts
Write Words Writers Club – 212 posts
Hmm, that was good and neurotic. J No that’s not a title, but might as well be.
There were a few more, but we let them go, because more or less sketch pads. The two blogs for Directory Assistance and Write Words Writers Club are communal blogs.
Hmm, that’s weird Rosa came back to check on something … she said she’ll be on vacation all next week. She had a few minor complaints … just getting things off her chest – not due to me, but others … she just called back though not to say anything about it so I won’t go any further with it here than that. I figure she meant Rich too because he had just called her to open the door. So, I’ll keep it to myself … she doesn’t want it getting back to sister and I agree with her doesn’t need to be done. So we’re letting it go.
In the meantime, we can say a hurrah for our sweetie being here. That’s a nice surprise … well we thought he’d come, but it’s always.
Ok, good … we’ve taken inroads. Rich is elsewhere now in the building and he sat down and talked to me a while. He also talked later with Karla, because from what we figure both Rich and her lifelong friend is into officiating. She was touching base.
That was pretty cool. But as to Rich and my conversation.
He was talking about he could go independent and we were saying why don’t we organize it now toward that point. I told him for example, I would like to go through this next 2 years at getting real good at CARF, and then I would like to just sell those services. He recommended being a surveyor, but we forgot at the time you have to be an affiliate at a CARF surveyed place. So, in that case I’d still have to be connected to St. Rose. BUT, there would be a part of myself who might contract through St. Rose to the other sister locations. I could then travel to St. Mary’s and St. Joseph’s and anywhere else they might need me.
I could get that good. But the thing was that I’d work under Rich’s umbrella, because he’s the business person between us. He can do the contracts and figure out the money and sell our product. We brought up the Grantwriting again too and made concessions in doing his secretarial work. That’s always been a point of contention.
We told him that he had to start looking at me as a $26 person rather than a $12 worker. He complained I can’t do that much, then we’re back to … well then you can’t afford my service. Especially, after he started billing me out on my own. I don’t want to get all caught up with where he is and isn’t, but a skeleton was being reissued. The last round he’d asked about the same time I went back to school. I was choosing at the time between my psychology interests over his secretarial needs. I told him this time we would be more accepting. He talked about things he would have to do … and that’s basically, what we wanted him to do … and of course, our first meeting it had to be said something about my work habits and disabilities. He’s saying I can’t afford to have disabilities and we’re saying maybe we’re then asking too much.
He says you want a partnership and I’m not sold yet that you can do the work. He’s got a point. He only smiled a little when I said I’d start picking up my popsicle sticks. He reminded us that we’d have to maintain ages. We are so excited by the thoughts of getting out past chrononotes, we don’t want to go anywhere else. Ok, good … this gives us some breathing space. Now we have to figure out where we are again. I need to think though more of what was said and the potential for reality.
He wants to be a Prykop and Associates and I want to be a Prykop and Garvey. We’ve got some space to go here. We need to become more of a business person before he can take us on as a partner, but we don’t want to not have full credit for being a fully contributing partner. Whoops that’s the point … he wants someone to work for him, more than with him. But, he has to know that we are coming in it as a relationship and we can’t either of us afford to have that level of disrespect. But, then have we earned it through our behavior. But, if we can’t see past that now … what reassurances would there ever be. I need to think I’m progressing at life.
Ok, here … need to slow down again.
Time to take another break. Had to take care of a couple of business matters. Whoops one more. Gotta check on insurance. Ok, didn’t get too far there.
My new insurance company dropped the ball, so now I’m thinking that it’s a good deal to maintain insurance agencies … they never mess things up. They don’t do anything with my business, but stay on track. So I called them up and left a message. I still have to change the car over and explain that my check is going to bounce this month because we’re switching banks. That and I have no money for this period. It’s going to need getting fixed up over the next several months. We just did that with our music channel … they were overcharging me, so that was a good fix. They haven’t turned off the music yet, but I had to close the account until I could give them a new credit card. Eh, fair enough.
I figure the car insurance will hold me. I also talked to the Gym membership today.
They had called me by a machine to offer a special deal on adding someone to our account. We didn’t end up going with that deal, but we offered it to Rich anyway.
He’s still like NO. Maybe once a quarter. HMPF! Men!
Hmm, Dow closed 320 down … it’s almost like no big deal anymore it happens so often.
I didn’t really realize that Rich was going to have a game tonight. He’s supposed to be back about 8 pm. He’s eating out with the guys again. I sure hope he doesn’t have another mistress! Sheesh he’d have to divorce one woman and demistresize the other.
Pswhoo that be a bad day!
Ok, what’s next … just have 45 minutes left to go … I wonder if Vickie is still holding in there. Might want to check. :)
Maybe she’ll have a smile now on her face too. I think she works an hour later than me. But, we both can taste Fridays!
Tomorrow I’ll be back at campaign headquarters. That should be fun. I will have to talk to Rich about having enough money for transportation. I think I can do the weekend for 32+5+16= $53 Ok, that’s a point. More money out. I might have a few dollars, but not much more than $10. I did get some gas this week, but I think I’m under half again. We’ll see. If he’s feeling bad about leaving me almost all week by myself then maybe he’ll help. OH YAH … AND maybe he’ll drive for me! That will save some money! Plus, he could push to get me back easier. And, then the weekend after we’ll be in Missouri. I have a doctor appointment on next Thursday and the following Tuesday – election day. Plus that week there will be another administration meeting where I’m to need coming clean about where we are in CARF. Should do something to progress.
Gary got a hold of me today to let me know I missed making arrangements for one of my people … Damn that smarted. I had to set an appointment for next Wednesday. Not too much business beside that … I went in for pizza after we were called and I sat next to some non-popular clients. It was ok, felt isolated.
We’ve gone pretty much the whole day without thinking much of suicidal stuff. Should clear that now because Dr. Marvin is going soon I’m sure if he hasn’t left for the weekend already. Is there anything we have to tell him without inventing a crisis. I think we made it to the better part of time. We are going to need doing tonight on our own. Rich wants us to go back to the gym, not sure where that is. Oh yeah. I’ve got to get them $50. Think that was within the budget … though the budget is running short. We remembered to text the boys and Alexis too. Nothing heard back from any of them, but the all should be working. I asked Maury if it was too early to plan his birthday meal. Joe didn’t respond back to the birthday question. I wouldn’t mind if it were just me and Maury … and most likely the girls. Seems like it’s been a long time since he stopped over again. Have to figure that out. We hinted to Thom he could call anytime.
What would it take to get that $50. I left my checkbook at home – the new one … that’s the major problem right now. I think I got the clothes here so I could go, but I was supposed to pay the gym bill on the 21rst. I think that’s then going to be blocked out the next 3 days. Guess it’s going to be a quiet day at home.
posted by Ann Marie @ 10/25/2008 07:19:00 AM
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