Today My Grandma Died.
Dear Dr. Marvin,
I just got the call 15-20 minutes ago that my grandmother has died. I called Maury first and then Joe and left messages. Rich has got a double header this morning. Before I could leave a message there, Maury called back and I talked to him just a few moments. I also confirmed a meeting time and place for tomorrow with Rich. I then left a message with Rich and I called Sr. Theresa. I talked to her just a few moments in person. That was very nice. I just explained that she had called and I passed on the few things I knew. She said to go up if I needed to. I said I was unsure, but that I had planned anyway to be meeting with the boys tomorrow and I would talk to them about it there. Then I opened up this email to you and here I am sitting again on your front steps.
It's about 12:30 pm at the start of this note. I don't know whether it's going to be short or long. I find myself just now starting to wipe away some tears. But, I'm not thinking about anything sad directly. Not sure what to think so I figure I'm at the right door step. Rich left for his game this morning at 8:30 am. I didn't think to ask him when he'd be home. I knew he was coming home after the games I guess if I were to guess he'd be home about 2:30 pm. He said he was going to spend the night with me because he thought somebody needed to be played with. I'm not sure if somebody is going to get played with now. Thinking we DID take our medicine. We don't want to get too strange, cuz then we KNOW we aren't going to get played with for SURE!
Before and since Rich has been gone, we've been writing letters. Thom got a long one, and then we've written to a couple of his friends. It was important to write specially cuz its Thom's birthday on Friday and people should know this. We got another nice letter from Thom yesterday - AND in it he said don't change plane plans AND he is now Head Whisky Locker Recruit - have to Google it. But, I only got two letters of the three done before 11:30 am mail so I drove those to the post office and came back to write the third. Better paint one bird green than two birds blue in the bush or something like that. Now, I have to stop and think ... things had been going easy, but now they seem a little harder.
Hmm. There was that Ann-person who steps up to the plate ... single out to the right field - I could never pull them through. I called my mother and told her for the next several days while things were still up in the air that she should call in and touch base and maybe I could help her at least to talk things through - especially since I won't know where to contact her. She thought that be a good idea. I told her I didn't know where things were at and that I would be meeting with the boys tomorrow. Right now she's still trying to get a hold of the Pastor. I don't think Rich will go up because he's going fishing on Thursday. Don't think things are going to happen that fast. And, Maury is too much into his first weeks training new job and Joe's buried in two jobs and I don't think nobodies going to let me go up on my own.
My mother should have a cell phone. Why wouldn't she have a cell phone? I could stay at home close to the phone and be around in between things if she could have one around. She is going to need some kind of ally. Shoot what am I saying? She's got other people for that sort of stuff - doesn't she? Oh Lordy ... not sure if there is anyone really close to her with the exception of this Diane person and for all I know Diane is after her husband ... OK OK no reason to think that! If John be interested in his neighbor he wouldn't have moved 3 hours north. Hmm, seems pretty safe then.
Think beside my Grandmother, my mother doesn't really know anyone close. Shoot, shoot. What were you saying about her? Something is wrong with her and maybe her communication, but I don't remember. Shoot there's something why I can't connect with her? But, she seems so helpless! She can certainly get around ... Hmm isn't this the woman whose like looking into eyes of snake! STOP IT! STOP! Or, I won't talk to you at all! HMPF!
Shhh, now there's no reason to get everyone upset from the get go ... no major decisions have to be made right away ... we took our medicine. Rich will be home in a couple of hours. We're writing AND we're writing to Dr. Marvin. And, we probably should have some lunch about now ... hmm? 1 pm? What do you think? Rich left the freezer open last night! Ok, ok ... shhh ... I know I know ... should check the fudgicles. Maybe just one though dear, ok? But, let's do it while we're heating something up. How about another of Rich's Soup and Breads? Hmm? Good Good!
Ok, bout a half hour later. We feel calmer, maybe sadder. Just thicker I guess. 42 days short of her 100th birthday. She almost hit it. I guess in the end it doesn't matter ... the exact number of days. But all those years watching the Twins and Vikings she probably had the numbers thing going for her too. I should remember to tell Maury what a big sports fan she was. Hmm, I just remembered that we had the one tape where she was recorded - well think there was one and a bit of another, but the second was her saying maybe she wasn't interested. I'm not sure I didn't listen to it. But, maybe I will ask Rich to listen to the tapes with me tonight. I want to see what they are. I listened to the first 6-7 minutes, but that's about all I could do. The first few moments were resistive then she started warming up. But, I don't think she ever warmed up on the second one, we'll see. Maybe later though. I want that I can hear them with Maury or Joe and Thom, or at least they take the time to listen to them on their own - to at least hear her voice. Get to hear a little of her personality. I think it's unique in that while you don't see her - you can see my reactions listening to her. I think for the most part I'm pretty optimistic.
It's now about 2:15 pm. I hope Rich is home pretty soon. I've taken some time to do a Memorial marker for her in both my regular blog and the blog that I'd started for her back at the end of 2006. I had listened to the last video. It wasn't as bad, but I got real confused with it at the end, but it wasn't that good. She let me say at one point that I would be with the boys a day for Christmas, but then she went on talking around me where everyone else was at as if she didn't hear me. I didn't feel I mattered. That's how it was at the end ... Like she was putting out the china and silverware and I was part of the odd set that didn't belong out. I don't know ... maybe between the couple video's long/short we could listen to them some time? Just you and me? Probably got some skeletons worth airing out there. Pretty much now the crying comes easier ... just suspicious of it because I'm not sure why I'm crying.
I was doing pretty good until I put the marker down in the blog. I wrote a title saying, "Today My Grandma Died." I did a picture of an old fashioned vase of pink and red colored roses and then added in memory of Myrtle T. Rasmussen June 1, 1908 - April 19, 2008, and posted, but then I got more tearful ... like if I blogged it it must be more real. It gives me a focal point.
Just lost myself for a while. Not sure what we were doing ... stayed here in the chair 3 pm now ... no Rich yet ... maybe longer games because of rain delay. We figured we better charge our phone in the kitchen it hadn't been done in a couple days and was showing low batteries.
Just thought I should think things out here a little ... Sr. Theresa has cleared me from work. What would happen if I did go up North. I wouldn't have to worry about my car making it, because it would new oil in it and everything. Tires were checked too. Rich and the boys wouldn't be able to come up, but that would mean I just have to be self-sufficient. I would have to know if Rich could help with the finances part though ... and that might be tough. He could just say blatantly no because he either doesn't have it or doesn't want me to go. It would probably be quite a bit of money. My mother is staying with a friend, so I would have to stay at a hotel. I'm not sure for how many days. It might be put off to give Butch and Wes and Deb a few extra days to get home.
I would have to borrow Joe's PDA. He'd have to write down his dates for the week and program for me WI and MN if it hadn't been done already.
Maury signed on and we talked for a few. Ame wanted to know her grandmothers name and if we had any pictures. We did. Maury and I did the logistics also to get them so they could get into the site for Ame's great great grandmothers "video." I'm glad it was there so the one day she asked about her, she could hear her voice. Didn't have time to talk after. And, then Rich called saying he was a half hour out. I think he's due in any time. We've been listening to a couple videos of the kids - both Ame and Joe - both videos we put to music. Feeling a little worn out and frazzled 'bout now ... not sure how the rest of the day is going to go.
I'm thinking at this point if Rich allows the money I would go. It would be after the lunch tomorrow, maybe Monday morning. We might have to figure though $4-500 in room costs plus another extra $1-200 eating, plus $150 gas ... so could turn easily into $8-1000 expense. Oh Lordy. We didn't need that. Mother will be staying with a friend AND we in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM SHOULD STAY WITH THEM!
Plus, I'll be without a computer ... hmm, I wonder if Joe still has the laptop that'll work. I don't know if it has Internet, but might have an old AOL that hook up in a hotel. Have to check that - it would make things doable. Even if Rich HAD that extra kind of money he might have my scalp. Our last talk you and us was leaning toward I wouldn't go, but I know in the long run and short that you wouldn't disagree with whatever decision I make. I would have to do things like stay away from family gatherings that were extra particularly where my Uncle was involved, unless I was needed in particular for something and I don't see that as necessary. I see my self as there for my mother's support. I think we talked about this, but I can't remember what was said. It strikes me as familiar though.
I wonder if that was Rich that just pulled in the drive ... someone pulled up and its time for him to be home. Maybe it's time then ... if so we'll be in good hands. We'll let you go. Thank you for then being with us here today. See that be the thing ... I'd take you with us to MN ... we got some figuring to do ... I figure a little experience then write, a little experience then write, etc. time to get through some of this stuff. It's like the passing of an era I think. Hmm, I don't hear Rich yet ... waiting for the sound of door opening. I usually sit here tight listening hard for the sounds first of key in door, then of door opening, then of swooshing in and then closing door behind him, and then I can usually hear if he's got stuff he's walking in with ... from the opposite side of the apartment. Hmm, don't think it was him. He would have come up by now unless he's moving something from the car.
*Heavy sigh* Ok, better go on ... If Rich doesn't have $800 then nothing is worth planning. The back-up plan is kinda a light-weight, but pretty much I would figure out the days of the arrangements and not go in those days. I'm not thinking its honest, but Sr. allows at least 3 days and more at her discretion for long trips for funerals of close family members. This would count. I called her right away. I would fix my computer so, she couldn't tell I was on line. Then I would make myself available by phone that way, but I think that way I'd be more depressed not feeling any progress. I have to count on myself that I could make myself move through this like in a river - not the old fishbowl round and round in circles.
Ahh Rich is home gotta go.
Ann
posted by Ann Marie @ 4/19/2008 02:10:00 PM
Comments: 1
