Grandma's Funeral - Wednesday
Good Morning Thom,How are you this morning? I’m afraid I’ve lost track this week a bit of what specifically you are doing. I know from last week on it was called “Tables” week or something like that, but I hadn’t gotten up far enough to check what that might be. I’m sorry. We’ll figure it out when I get back to an Internet.
This morning we (Joe and me) at a hotel in MN. We just got here about 4:30 pm. Yesterday. It took us 8 hours, but we stopped to eat. We made pretty good time. There was one point of the trip that got pretty serious in our conversation, but even that was good because it was the right thing to happen.
Ahh, I just poured myself the coffee and remembered that our room had a push button fire place woohoo!!! It has a whirl pool too, but we’ll wait to try that later. Joe is sleeping and its pretty noisy and you should know that I like to write first thing up in the morning. The fireplace is pretty perfect for that. It’s located right next to the desk at an angle, so during my thoughtful moments I can watch it from the corner of my eye. It’s got a nice blue flame.
Joe is letting me use one of your laptops too which is sweet it reminds me of you. It’s a thin, but large laptop with a smooth plastic top and screen. Soon as I saw the Word doc screen I was in my element. I think the wireless connection would work, but they don’t have the service this far down the hotel. We would have to do something silly like go sit in the lobby. That just doesn’t work for me in my flannel pjs and need for fireplace. I’ve got my little flash drive thing so I will save to it and go to the lobbies one guest computer and then probably email to Rich and ask him to print out – I’m not sure … I think what she told me last night was that there was no printer? That’s like really ridiculous to say that you have a business center for guests and offer just one computer and NO printer?? I don’t know I haven’t thought that far ahead. I guess what I’m going to need doing is email them to Rich, and ask him to print them at work and mail them from there. I better put the hard mail address on them then … hold on.
Ok, that will work. Have to trust the system. New system. Must have other printers in MN though, right? Maybe Joe will tell me they are at some coffee houses here or something. We’ll wait to here that – don’t know why someone at the hotel can’t just print it out since they can’t afford a $95 printer, Hmpf! Ok, ok shhh Ok, enough grumbling … you know how weird I get when my computer systems are not working …
So, after Joe and us were here for about an hour we got a hold of my mother and arranged to go out to eat. She wanted to surprise us with going out to the VFW for do it yourself tacos … and I had said outright no. I wouldn’t have done that if I hadn’t talked to Joe about my last bad dinner experience up here where they had suggested VFW and I HADN’T known what I was getting into. It’s a cheap dinner for them, but like volunteer servers at card tables and you have to get your own water out of paper cups from a back sink. And, I was like NEVER going back for that kind of treatment … And would NEVER subject one of my kids to it. Uh Uh … fool me once sure, but after that I’m not going to be called a something something idiot. Anyway … we bumped dining up to Bakers Square … ok ok … noooooo grumbling shhhhh…
It was pretty quiet in the back where they sat us and there was enough room so all in all it was as good as one could consider. It’s not a Garvey conversation, but then the good part was was that I didn’t freeze up so that I couldn’t talk either. I tried to focus more on John than my mother which made things a little easier. Joe talked when he felt comfortable, but I felt like maybe the conversation wasn’t like what he was used to. Like John talked about a family reunion for a long time – basically the conversation drifted away from it like 6-7 times and he kept bringing it back … digging it into the ground. And, there was nothing to do with it, but listen respectfully.
He had tendencies to speak over my mother and he seemed to speak more slowly so she had to work to get the floor, but then sometimes he would try to get from her some odd detail from a worn out story and she’d day dreamed away in another direction and couldn’t pull herself back to remembering what he was talking about … so in that way it was a bit disjointed. I felt really bad for Diane the lady that was their neighbor that went with us. She was rarely asked into the conversation at all by either of them. She was like a dormouse.
I can’t say I didn’t have some fun … but, it was the kind that I will be scared about later when I think about what was said and done. But, I’ll save that for Dr. Marvin. Right now Joe just got up and he’s doing a ton of push ups … can’t say I’d gotten up and thought of doing something like that. But to each his own. Maybe we’ll go down for breakfast with him if he wants company, otherwise we’ll let him go alone. We were talking to him and he was pretty clear of asking for independence.
Hmm, we’re back now and we’ve had two breakfasts’. Well one and a sorta. Joe and I went downstairs, and then later my mother called up to see if we wanted to go out – so we went out for a couple hours with them, but we just had coffee, water or juice. Joe brought his chain and so that all went well. I’m not sure where we left off here.
Ok, read one paragraph back enough to know we’d gotten through the first dinner and now breakfast. In between, we’d gotten a couple phone numbers and started calling around. My cousin Steve was at work, but we got his step-son out of bed. Couldn’t leave a message though because he was kinda mumbly. Then we called my cousin Deb, but she wasn’t at home. So next, we called my Uncle Wes. Joe heard him from the distance and sounded friendly enough, but I didn’t think so … we asked if he knew my brother’s phone number since my mother hadn’t. He had one number for him. Then he volunteered that Deb was there so we asked to talk with her.
Deb was my favorite girl cousin, Steve had been my favorite boy cousin. Deb was cordial, but not overly friendly either. We got a well, see you later. Didn’t stay on the phone too long. Then we called my brother’s line … We started to leave a long sprawly message. They apparently are the kind of people who let the message machine take it until they decide whether or not to pick-up, but they did end up picking up. My brother’s wife gave the call to Scott. He talked for a little bit and we both agreed to meet. He’s supposed to give us a call when he gets closer. He and his new wife … also a Deb are picking up Scott’s daughter somewhere north of here. Meredith your cousin now goes to school in Duluth I understand. I’m hoping that Joe was right in wanting to know some of his relatives. I think he was disappointed to hear that Nathan wouldn’t be up.
It’s about quarter to 12 now, so we’ll type for a while and then go down about in about 45 minutes to see if we can get this letter sent out. I’m out of the shower now and Joe is back to the chain. He’s doin something that is really pretty cool … he’s making a smaller one now and has already made in long enough to be a wrist size for a man. Just figuring out how to end it. John and Mom both showed a good interest in it while Joe was working on it at the table for breakfast. I’m hoping that Joe might give the small bracelet to John, but I’m not sure if that’s the sort of thing Joe has in mind. I’ll wait to see what happens. That’s on him, or not. I love that Joe’s so creative.
We brought up a picture of my grandmother. It’s been taken in the last couple of years. She’s got underneath her hands a picture of one of the quilts she’s made and in back of that a stack of afghans she’s been working on … I think that your Grandmother Garvey is also very creative – or was creative with her hands, but on this side of the family so is your Grandmother and so was your great grandmother. Joe is kind of a reminder of that going on in the next generation. It’s unusual I think – because it’s happening at a male level. I love that part.
Aha! Joe fell for my trick! He figured a way to connect them, then he let me try it, now we’re just going to pretend he’s not in the room and we’re not going to give them back!!! Yup, yup Mom’s are like that! We like how sparkly they are on our wrist! I don’t know where Joe means for these to go though … Hmm, but they fit me just perfect! I wonder if they go with my new hair thing! Better go check that out.
Ahh shoot. I’m back … some time’s gone on … Joe’s just putting on his suit and things. I think I look pretty ordinary next to him, but its ok that he sparkles. That’s my Joe-bird! We’re expecting Scott any moment. We had been talking to Joe about things – mostly jewelry and we got a call from my cousin Steve. That was a real good call. He’s always been like the nicest relative. Much better than my family. We talked for quite a bit, until he had to go and start to get ready. Us too. Scott should be here any moment - … ahh, but now the moment is a half hour later. Joe and me been talking awhile, but Joe just laid down and shut his eyes. He didn’t say I’m catching Z’s just laid down. I guess that’s one of your guy’s ways of communicating with us. I’ll never understand it. But, it’s not important here – except it given me the space to say … oh yeah … we’re still writing to Thom and I left that moment hanging. Cool – I can go back there!
Hmm, not sure where to go here next. I think the sense of you sitting in a foxhole might be more interesting than the stories that are gathering over here. Pretty much I thinking now is that stories are a means for everyone to be talking to everyone else about anyone else. My mother and John talked about everyone elses grandchildren, Scott talked about John his step-father, Steve talked about Scott – you know that kind of stuff. And, poor Joe … we’re talking to him about everyone. I keep telling me to stop, but then there is something more I think that I think he needs catching up on. This is the problem when two people travel together. I’m trying to be patient and wait for Joe to build his own impressions, but it is hard, because I’ve so many thoughts running over. But, then that makes me ordinary like everyone else, and I don’t like that part. I feel stuck pickle in the middle … What happens if I’m no more extraordinary THAN everyone else? WITH the exception I’ve got extraordinary kids!
One thing I didn’t know about is that Steve’s youngest son – his stepson is also in the services. He’s in the Army reserve. He fills up vehicles and drives them about. He said like humvees and such. I’m not smart about these kinds of things … but I figured that sounded kind of like on the dangerous side. Steve says his son is going to Iraq in July for a year. That’s the one that I woke up out of bed, so then I felt especially bad. He might be learning to drive Humvees, but he sure does sound confused when woken out of sound sleep! Guess that’s the difference between Marine and Army training?!
Ahh, now Joe’s is starting to snore a little hmm? I didn’t know that he did that. Very interesting. But, because I’m a mother it’s more like awe … isn’t that the sweetest sound! Hehehe.
Steve’s other son is causing him a little grief. He says that Danny – his son from the first marriage ran out on them without saying where he was going at one point. And, he’s still gone. I think he was having troubles not being able to support him. I don’t remember if he was working, but if he was it wasn’t enough. He lived on his own in a car for a month, and is now living with his mother. I asked Steve and he said that’s the worser end of that story yet. There should be more time to talk about that kind of stuff later if the winds prevail.
I told Steve that maybe we could do something after the funeral tomorrow afternoon or evening. He thought that was a fine idea. I told him that we wouldn’t be leaving until the next morning. He didn’t know where everyone else was at as to time. Scott had only asked to stay one night. He said that Deb and Jay – his Sister and brother in law were staying at the cabins in Shell Lake. I had asked my mother about them and she said the one son of Debs was in college and the other son she didn’t know, but that Deb had done all the son’s homework and papers for him. Deb said her son had to stay home because he had a full time job. My mother said that Deb and Jay were just packing up and basically leaving the kids to fend on their own. Well you gotta know somewhere in there there’s a straight story, but I’m surely not going to get to it over the next few days – EVEN if I were overly interested.
I’m glad we started something for tomorrow – I know if everyone else goes home we’ll probably at LEAST meet up with Steve – Joe and me. Scott will have Meredith and Deb his wife to consider – PLUS his church. Scott was saying how things were different. His voice seemed shaky, but then it has had those intonations all along. Scott talking about two parishes depending on the summer tourists or the winter tourists. Steve said that Scott wasn’t making as much money and something else negative I forgot. Not sure … we’ll see on that one later too. We always feel in these kinds of circumstances – stick to the truth as closely as possible because the truth is going to get around from the gossip sooner than later. No one is really like straight arrow. I think sometimes what happens at least what I’ve been taught is that you can better look down your nose if your neighbor or family member is in worse trouble. We gotta try avoiding that. Like with Scott’s situation … He’s going to want to buy dinner, but we can try and cover half and half. I don’t have the pockets, but I gave Joe a $50 to cover it. My uncle is the only one with the big bucks and I’m going to try not to let him cover anything. I don’t want to be beholden.
That was something that I got into the first place here. When Joe and I got to the hotel, John had already covered the cost of the hotel. It was like $415. That was like a major bill. I tried desperately to come out of it or make some kind of deal. I tried to go to Rich, but I wasn’t sure the odds there, because Rich was the one making out there – it was HIS $415. I’d contributed the first $400, but he covered more into it and had to be paid back first. Basically, without doing the outer argument, I knew I couldn’t win, because the social thing was that they were the parents had more money than us and it would have been up to them to provide housing for us, but they were staying with a friend. Still doesn’t make it good that I feel like I owe someone. I know I’ll have to take them out for a meal. Probably, only thing left is before the funeral for breakfast or for breakfast Friday morning before we go.
Yes, we drive ourselves crazy with our own thinking … Why Lord doesn’t it stop??!
Hmm, now another thought. It’s 2:15 pm. Scott was supposed to be here 75 minutes ago for lunch. He was supposed to call as he got closer for a place to meet. Originally we were to be ready at 3 pm so that my mother could swing by at 3:30 PM so we could follow them to the mortuary. If Scott got here in the next hour … there’d be like only an hour to eat lunch and meet each other after being estranged for 5 years. There would be 5 people at the table and that hour would give us 45 minutes to drive to the restaurant and to drive to the mortuary. Now … do I really want to be rushed to present and eat that fast. Joe and I’ve been ready for 75 minutes and waiting. I did eat an orange because of the diabetes, I have to be eating some sugar, but now feeling a little frustrated. Hmm, so what to do?
I guess the thing is to hold tight to the plan … When Joe woke up for a few moments at 2 pm we’d talked about waiting until 2:30 pm, and at that time calling Scott and canceling and at the same time calling my mother and asking them to stop by for us. As to covering the missed lunch – we’d talked about going for the first hour (family time) at the funeral home and then leaving to eat and then coming back. That’s what we should be doing. Now … Just then to affirm … looks like we’re waiting … 9 minutes to go. Call Mom’s place first – and possibly talk to Diane, or try and call Scott’s cell first. We should have Mom as a back-up plan, because realistically, I could see eating a slimfast and truly skipping my brother at this point, because I know he gets very cranky under pressure, which happens a lot because he runs behind. Yeeks!
Ok, 5 min.
3 min.
Gmorning Thom … we’ll continue on the next day … but, we wanted to say we were here proper. I’m sorry letters were delayed, but when we talked to Rich he was at home eating dinner at 10 out on the balcony … figured he was way too overwhelmed with his day by the time we caught him to take on another task. Please – we’ll be there.
We love you,
Mom
posted by Ann Marie @ 4/26/2008 07:38:00 PM
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