Ayn's Multiple World

A bad day skip this one

Good morning. This is just me yet. There is time to get about an hour in. We again lost time to our celebritygogging. I don’t think I want to tread in that territory. Maybe one day we can talk of our interest there, but just looking at it from afar it doesn’t seem much, but I don’t want to take it down because it seems like a bit of a passion. *Sigh*

It’s now about 5 am on Thursday morning, so that means Dr. Marvin tonight. I think we’ve been depressed the last couple of days, but I’m not sure why. I think probably our health has got us down. We’re feeling kind of hopeless with it. I don’t really want to talk about that either. There must be something more positive? I don’t feel very sure of much though. I don’t even know if Rich has been here. It seems like he hasn’t, but I can’t pin anything down. I think we’ve been going to bed early, but I wouldn’t bet my life on it. Just in general, confused.

Last night, we went out for dinner, and it was ok, but we came home first to do the medications, and then we couldn’t get ourselves back out the door. We canceled our physical therapy. I’m pretty sure Rich isn’t going to like that. Maybe he won’t remember to ask how it went. Hmm, maybe some music?

Hmm, we got a commercial and the headphones aren’t plugged in. Man … we gotta get through this funk. We battled with our radio station yesterday at work. We pay for a service and they weren’t recognizing our sign-in name until a lot of monkeying around with it and then it became later before we could get the service with the new name. I’m going to be angry if they really have given us the commercial channel. I had thought we were on unlimited plus something. AHA! Unlimited and Plus … thought so … I will fight them if I have to … well, no not like Ellen De, but something like that.

See, that’s what I mean by being interested in celebrities … I actually care if Ellen wins her battle with the mean dog people. I mean I see their point, but it appears that their usage of the rules is arbitrary. In general, they have something against Ellen. Uh huh, we took that side of the argument … but, that’s because they mentioned “those kind of people,” which means more than likely because of Ellen’s star power. She has that of course, which doesn’t make her right, but she’s on the better side of this deal. The dog belonged to her, she gave it to an employees family, and now the agency wants the dog back and has given it to another home, because the chip was never changed over to Ellen even though she put $3000 into it.

More than likely they got something for the dog’s new owners. I don’t see the fun in getting life threats from Ellen’s fans, but they definitely went somewhere they didn’t need to go. I think in the long run they will suffer from the negative publicity. They have to know that’s part of working with the stars.

Ok, maybe Ellen shouldn’t have cried on her show. But, shoot, we like DeGeneres.

See that’s what I mean … we enjoy seeing what’s what … Just though on the top stars. We don’t get very far down the food chain. I think I could have gone the direction of politics, but it’s so danged political. What we see as “normal” folks doesn’t touch the very basis of what is going on. I can’t say enough of how much I disklike the war and Bush. So, that takes me out of wanting to hear a lot of that stuff. Local politics doesn’t really interest me though either. I was interested in when Mayor Daley plowed down the airfield in the middle of the night. I thought that was good thinking on his part. Something like they might not like it, but what’s done is done and possession is 9/10’s the law. Oh man what a trip. I don’t see him doing that kind of flashy stuff so often though. I feel actually very comfortable with Mayor Daley. I think he’s a hard worker for our city. Ok, so that’s enough of that stuff.

How are we? Not sure … I think maybe said this, but we’ve been going to bed early I think. Last night I think we went at 6:30. We woke up earlier, but then went back to bed … I think it was about 1 am. Hmm, this is probably a warning sign. Rich said something about not battling us with the hours anymore. I think our compromise is that we’ll stay up to 9 pm or try to at least the nights he is home, but then the others, we’re not interested in anything enough to stay up. Shoot … I’m crying … how did that happen. Ok, there stop. I think it is Celine Dion and my heart will go on. But, I thought I heard another commercial before that. I’m watching it now … whoops another commercial.

I couldn’t find an email or telephone number yesterday either. I went over to the unlimited section where you can ask for an artist. I always put in John Denver, because I don’t know who I want to listen to that is different. I need to see if we get commercials there too. That would make me angry enough to turn it off until I can get back to work to figure it out. I don’t think we’re doing very good. We’re pretty cranky. Are we … are you sure? No. I didn’t think so. Why is it we feel so bad. Confused. Maybe we’ll feel better if we eat breakfast and get some fresh coffee?

I don’t think we’re going to work today … we were just in the washroom thinking it through as much as my thinker can work. There … we wrote a note to Sr. Theresa telling her that we needed to take a sick day. We are going to have a hard time with Rich. Sometimes that gets so bad it’s almost better to go in just to avoid him. But, we’re feeling pretty terrible inside us. I don’t know what I’m going to do next about waking him up … it’s almost 6 am. Didn’t get very far this morning.

John Denver was too cheery … we switched over to Enya. The wind is blowing hard outside and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was going to rain out there. It’s like an autumn day, but instead of it just being anormal day it has become a day that is too tall for me to accomplish. I just want to stay tucked into my own little place.

Hmm, Rich ok, if I were going to work, which I’m not … I would be getting in the shower right now. So, I guess I don’t have to. When should I wake up Rich then.

Maybe about the normal time … I would say ten or 15 minutes. Maybe I could get into bed with him? I don’t know if he is going to have me. Maybe until he figures out we’re not behaving … yes that’s what it seems like right now. We’re not doing what we’re supposed to. But, I think its been a while. Rich is going to say that we need to save our time for later, but it feels like today is later. I know because things get to being so they are too hard. I don’t feel like “carrying the ball.”

That ol tattletale Missy is like blabbering all over the place … “She’s not going to work, she’s not going to work, and I’m going to tell Rich!” I don’t know why people get cats. They are very pushy people.

Maybe we should go see Rich. I don’t want to!!! Shh. He’s going to say why didn’t we get the medicine. Oh man … we didn’t take our medicine yesterday. Oh man oh man … that plus not having the anxiety medicine is a good reason why we aren’t feeling good. What happened last night? I just remember the part about going down to sleep, seeing the clock said 6:30 pm and thinking we have to be getting the medicine, but we weren’t in a place where we wanted to and that made a difference.

There was a compromise made in thinking we’d be up in a short time and we would get it then, but we didn’t get up until 1 am and we weren’t thinking of taking it then.

Oh man … we’re going to get yelled at twice … once for not wanting to go to work, and another for not taking the medicine. And, THEN he’s going to yell because we didn’t get the new medicine yet. Oh for sure now we don’t want to wake him up.

BUT, if we mess up his hours, he’s going to have even MORE reason to get mad at us.

Maybe one more song. She sings pretty and this one is called “Marble Halls.” Rich is already working up to a good grouchy, because he said that Saturday we are going over my bills. I certainly don’t think that is a good idea. Maybe for the bills, but not for me. We told him yesterday, he is just going to get mad. And, he said something like “most likely.” I don’t know if visiting Dr. Marvin then is a good idea or a bad. Most likely he is going to side with Rich and say doing bills is a good idea. Well, of course it is but there isn’t a lot of money, and some of the money will be spent wrong and then Rich is going to be upset. I think it is like we never got out of the 50’s. It’s time to wake him though. Maybe we can try not to talk to him. Maybe he won’t notice we’re not going to work. Hmm. Probably won’t go that way 

Ok, we’re back. Our buddy is taking his shower now. I may not have been such good help to him with his work, but he needed to pause while waiting for his computer to synch. We took our medicine. But, we didn’t want to. He woke up with his smart brain in. I don’t like always when that happens. He asked me about taking medicine, and if we went to the appointment last night, and then for good measure, he threw in what did we have to eat yesterday. It seems when we start making mistakes we must go in a long order of them. Then he wanted to know what we were going to do today and then he thought we should do bills and empty the dishwasher.

That gave us a real bad face. And, when he got up he said that Missy was going to stay and meow in my ear and she did. Until Chief came and said he’d take over.

That’s when he let me know it was time to pet him, then Rich said we shouldn’t put his extra fur on the ground. Everyone has got opinions around this house. I think Rich needs help in the shower brb.

Well, it turns out he didn’t need me in the shower after all, but we had a good time figuring that out. He brushes his teeth in there. See you just don’t know until you ask. That was our point, maybe he wanted me in there, but he’d forgotten to ask.

Now I know he’s not being right with me. Well, yes maybe I did need to take a shower and call in my prescriptions, but I canceled Dr. Marvin because of this stuff that came to my mail box through the Chicago Tribune, Tom Skilling, and the National Weather Service, HMPF! Rich says, they are only saying maybe … right … I figure it as I don’t have to go out! Double HMPF!

WIND ADVISORY IN EFFECT UNTIL 7 PM CDT /8 PM EDT/ THIS
EVENING.

THE NATL WEATHER SVC IN CHICAGO HAS ISSUED A WIND
ADVISORY.WHICH IS IN EFFECT UNTIL 7 PM CDT /8 PM EDT/ THIS
EVENING. STRONG WINDS EXPECTED THIS MORNING & AFTERNOON.

DEEP LOW PRESSURE CURRENTLY CENTERED ACROSS THE MID & UPPER MS
RIVER VALLEY WILL CONTINUE TO MOVE NE TOWARDS THE WESTERN
AND N. GREAT LAKES TODAY. AHEAD OF THE MAIN COLD FRONT.WINDS
ARE EXPECTED TO BECOME RATHER GUSTY FROM THE SO. WITH GUSTS
POSSIBLY EXCEEDING 45 MPH AT TIMES. WINDS WILL BEGIN TO DECREASE
THIS EVENING AFTER THE COLD FRONT PASSES THROUGH THE AREA.
A WIND ADVISORY MEANS THAT WINDS OF 35 MPH ARE EXPECTED. WINDS
THIS STRONG CAN MAKE DRIVING DIFFICULT.ESPECIALLY FOR HIGH
PROFILE VEHICLES. USE EXTRA CAUTION

Severe storms expected later today

By Jeremy Gorner | Tribune staff reporter
October 19, 2007

But worse is expected. A wave of more severe, potentially hail-producing storms could blanket the city and suburbs later this afternoon, forecasters said.

This morning's rains came in from the south, accompanied by southeasterly 15-to-25-m.p.h. winds and gusts of 30 to 35 m.p.h., according to the National Weather Service.

And more severe thunderstorms, fed by warmer temperatures, could develop across the metropolitan area this afternoon, said Nathan Marsili, a meteorologist with the weather service. Winds of 20 m.p.h. to 30 m.p.h. are expected from the south, with gusts of 40 m.p.h. by late afternoon.

There's a further chance of showers in the area tonight, also with strong winds.

Temperatures this morning are in the mid to upper 60s but are expected to increase to the mid to upper 70s by this afternoon.

jgorner@tribune.com

Severe weather--i.e. twisters/microbursts--threatens Thursday
Tom Skilling
October 18, 2007

A swath of powerful winds, part of an intense autumn storm draped across central North America, blasts the Chicago area with high winds Thursday, including possible 40+ m.p.h. gusts at times. The powerful winds import unseasonable warmth and an impressive supply of Gulf moisture which threaten to fuel new thunderstorm development Thursday afternoon. The depth of Thursday's southerly flow--extending literally through tens of thousands of feet of the atmosphere?suggests any thunderstorms which flare are likely to sail along at 55-60 m.p.h., a phenomenal rate of movement. Storms moving at such a high rate of speed generate especially strong winds by combining the speed of forward movement with the 20-30 m.p.h. of wind which gushes out of many thunderstorms. It's a set-up which can fairly easily lead to 70+ mph straight line wind gusts. Counterclockwise swirling eddies of air north of the jet stream may help spin t-storms creating some tornado-generating supercells.

Chicagobound storm spawns twisters, 80+ m.p.h. gusts in Plains

Tom Skilling
October 18, 2007

Lines of powerful thunderstorms, which appeared in the ominous bow shaped configuration on Doppler radars across the Plains, wreaked havoc Wednesday, injuring scores and knocking out power to entire communities. A dozen twisters had been tallied by NOAA's Storm Prediction Center late Wednesday evening among the more than 138 reports of severe weather. In Oklahoma, 63 m.p.h. winds collapsed a tent injuring 40 in Tulsa, and rescuers in Woodall worked to free residents trapped by downed powerlines.

A late season severe weather outbreak threatens Chicago with high winds after a night of thundery downpours and could spawn an outbreak of afternoon t-storms capable of generating microbursts and even twisters over at least sections of the Chicago area. Since 1950, October has hosted only 12% of this area's severe thunderstorms and tornadoes.

Ok, we’re back again. But, you see why this would be a good idea not to get stuck downtown tonight? I sent it to Dr. Marvin. Maybe if he doesn’t have me, he can go home earlier too unless he was planning on waiting it out until after 7 pm when the storm was supposed to end. That’s staying at work a long time. If I don’t know anything else I know the roads and expressways are very terrible when it rains, especially a big one. There was once we were in traffic, where for some it took 3 ½ hours to get home. A half hour ride took us two hours and ten minutes.

We sent the information to Dr. Marvin asking to cancel tonight and we sent a copy to Rich. Then we walked into the kitchen to make sure he opened it. He said we’ll see, but that I should plan on going down to Dr. Marvin’s. I’m like, I don’t think so! I’ll let you know how that turns out. I didn’t know today was going to be particularly bad when we decided to stay home, but it seems a good idea that it happened that way. I might get in trouble from Sr. Theresa, but I sent her a note also adding that I’m concerned about Candice. This is true. I figure the clients go home early enough, but Candice would be out in it about 4 or 5 pm and she is walking/riding bus and L. (That’s our “elevated”). I don’t know what she is going to do when the weather gets real bad. I could see dropping her off if I were at work, but I don’t want to be AT work, just to do that. I think its between Sister and Candice. She is the one that wanted to live on the North side, as had we. It’s a little different when you have a car, and Candice doesn’t. She’s young and God Bless her hasn’t complained, but that could get old after a while. I sure hope she doesn’t take the training Sr. has given her and leave for a job on the North side.

That would be a terrible burn.

*sigh* For now … I’m still worried about her getting home ok. I’m wondering if I should go into work to drive her home. That’s pretty lousy though … I can go help her, but I can’t help myself get to work or doctor. I don’t know why it is like that, but it seems about right.

I worry too, because Rich has to go out in it in a little bit. Something happened to one of his jobs and he has to fix it.

Now Rich … that’s an interesting subject. Hmm, just refreshed our coffee. It sure is blustery out there. The street and sidewalks are still wet from rain earlier, but there are clouds piling up. Back to Rich…

He was pretty clear when he woke up this morning. He said that he could maybe even excuse an occasional miss from work, but that it doesn’t excuse needing to get and take medicines and be skipping appointments. He went to the kitchen and then he was asking us if we were coming. Well, somewhere in there we ended up sleeping on his bed for about an hour. He wasn’t there. And, I remember helping him with his shower. But, somewhere in there we got ourselves in worse trouble. I know we were argumentative taking medicine and doubly argumentable calling in the prescriptions.

There are so many and so many little things to remember… the parts that had been out couldn’t do it … Needs an adult voice that doesn’t confuse the pharmacist, because they’re always crabby. It took us a couple of times, but we finally got it. She said that all the medicines had to be called into Dr. Marvin’s and then there are like three that we have to drop off … it’s probably going to be a couple hundred dollars. I think you need a degree to figure out pharmacy stuff. I read on one of the notes on the new pills that we have to take baby aspirin a half an hour before taking them, but I don’t remember what the medicines are for.

That’s probably not a good idea not to know. I think one has to do with the numbness in our feet and hands and the arthritis, but that’s all I remember. I don’t know what all the medicines do that I already take. I just know I’m supposed to take them even when they don’t make a lot of sense. Maybe that’s part of the reason I don’t like to take them. Maybe when we get the directions with this stack we should make an effort to read some of it? Then if there were questions, we could ask Dr. Marvin. Poor Dr. Marvin … he doesn’t get to see me tonight. Maybe he will wonder how we are? Hmm, we could write him a note, but we don’t know how we are.

Let’s see.

Dear Dr. Marvin,

I’m fine, but not fine enough to go to work today. And, then a short while ago we read the emails sent to us on the weather and then we were glad that we didn’t go in. But, that’s not why we stayed home. We didn’t take our medicine yesterday night. We didn’t remember we hadn’t until earlier this morning. We remember thinking that we wanted to go to bed and didn’t have the energy to go to the kitchen. We looked at the clock and it was 6:30 pm, so then we just thought we’d be up in a little bit to take them, but then it was 1 am and we didn’t remember. We went back to bed until about 5 am. Then we napped between 7 and 8 am. Now we’re writing and trying not to bug Rich.

I wish I could talk to you about something important, but we don’t have important thoughts in our head. We just got me. We’ve been feeling kinda down. I’m kinda glad the weather happened, because I didn’t want to really go out. Rich made me take a shower and order the medicine, and take what we had, but it made us cranky.

He’s going out in a little bit and he said he’d take the three new prescriptions in. But, that’s not going to make us less cranky. Well actually, I feel more cranky now talking to you then I had been. So, I suppose that’s probably not fair and I should stop.

We’re still having trouble remembering what we talk about. I just know that we’re supposed to talk about the weight. I’m not sure if you know yet, but we have an appointment for the bariatric surgery on October 25th, and an appointment with the dermatologist for the hair loss on October 30th. We might have said that … it seems familiar. I don’t suppose we’re going to be allowed to forget.

That’s all I guess for now. Maybe you can go home early and not get so wet? And, you should try to stay out of the bad traffic too.

Mi

Ok, we’re back … it’s about 10:15 am now. And, I think we’re cleared up to write something that makes more sense than what we have been doing. I feel cloudy upstairs.

Hmm, that reminds us that we talked yesterday to a couple people about the gym membership. This is probably not a good time to talk to Rich, because last time when we’d asked him to come downtown with us, we got yelled at because he had so much stuff to be doing. Later we told him we asked him a little question and he told us a LOTTA stuff. He said, see that tells you how bad it is. He was saying like he needed to work, or otherwise we couldn’t go on vacations and such. We just asked for one vacation though. And, it was only 3 days two nights. I think it’s important that we don’t interrupt him when he’s home working, but I think its important that everything doesn’t become my fault. Like I am keeping him from making a million jillion katrillion dollars. That wouldn’t be fair.

Thinking now that he’s got a pretty sweet deal. I didn’t know how much he was working from home. Maybe I still don’t, but it sure must be a different kind of day if you don’t have to leave home to go to work. I know though that he goes out sometimes, and he’s always dressed and showered and on the phone, or busy at the computer. I was trying to figure that out earlier. Why is it that Rich is so good and we are so bad. No, I’m not trying to take us down or anything, but he does really good stuff like sticking to his plans and even to his relationships – unless the crazy woman says “Don’t come home!” HMPF Daffy woman!

Hmm, we don’t want to think of that though … just that I think I would like to stay home and do work here too. I would like my writing to make a million, jillion, katrillian dollars and then I could stay home and just go out for adventures. Oh and water the plants on the balcony. That is what he just did … After all this time there are still big purple flowers out there. They were there all summer. I don’t know what happens to them when it gets cold. I didn’t point out that they might get enough water rained on them later, but then I never know which way the rain is going to blow. Go figure, we’re no Tom Skilling.

I feel a little better now than I had before. Mostly because I don’t have to do anything at the very moment. I can think anything I want …. Rich just came in.

Strike that last thought. You know every time I turn around that man has something to be telling me what to do. Now, I got to pick up a cat thing he found, do the dishwasher, order some icy hot patches, and eat the lunch he fixed. PLUS, he says eat the raisons cuz he spent a half hour of time looking at them … AHA! I thought that was going to be my fault too! HMPF!

I’m going to eat the raisons first. Ok, that’s one chore done. AHA! Just got an email from one of the clients … I had sent him this picture. He thought it was cool!!



I liked it too. I’m going to show him how to put pictures like this into his journal. Hmm, but then we’d have to go to work. Let’s strike that thought for the day. Ok, we gotta do the next thing. But, we’re not going to do the dishwasher yet. Ok? We need to look for bulk quantities of the Icy Hot patches.

Hmm, it doesn’t seem like anyone sells them bulk?

Thera Care – hmm, too expensive for a disposable wrap … we found that we could consider these two products though …

Cosamin DS Joint Health Supplement, Capsules 210 ea $59.99 @ Amazon free shipping
Double Ice knee Ice Wrap by ProSeries $68.95 IceWraps.net

Couldn’t find any deal on the Icy Hot patches. Best was $6.75 for 5, but we’d have to order $100 worth to get free shipping. That would be a 2 ½ month supply.

Something to consider, but then we thought maybe we were going to need going to something cheaper, so we looked at the other ice wrap by ProSeries. I think you still have a limited coldness though because it is going in and out of the freezer.

Most of those systems if advertised were for like about 20 minutes. Thera Care got the better rating, but it was only 2 patches for the same money as 5 of the other.

The Interesting one was Cosamin supplement 210 ea after it gets in your system and can be taken once a day would last 7 months, so 29 cents is reasonable. The other is $1.35 a day. So it would bring the cost of knee pain control to $1.64. We’ll have to ask Rich about it. Seems like a lot, but then could it help us to walk? Might not be worth the effort unless we were going to be working out in the gym.

We’ll have to wait until we talk to the surgeon, but it might be useful information if we were being active at a gym in conjunction with the other therapy.

Ok, we’re back again … It’s now about 3:45 pm and we’ve done very little. We were searching and called the gym again to ask some questions. Basically, though we’re just covering for the fact that we are being pretty obsessive.

Now it’s 5 pm and we’re no farther than we were before except we wrote Dr. Marvin a note. It said.

Dear Dr. Marvin,

I know you can't talk to me now but I need to talk to you ... not about anything important, because what we're going through isn't important its just that its about me so its sorta important. We're having trouble today with the obsessiveness. We can't concentrate so much though on what we should be doing, because if we aren't goint to work or to your office we should at least write, but we write and then an hour or so goes by and we're just floating. Rich called and said we have to go get our medicine, but we can't go outside. We're not sure what we're supposed to do.

But, I don't think we're doing real good, but that's just because I'm not someone else I should be. Do you know how to make me her that person?

Mi

I don’t think we’re making much sense. We are doing pretty good at that. Rich said we’re making him have to worry and that isn’t fair. I don’t think we’re being fair. Either. I can say I’m the one with the wrinkled forehead and tiny voice, I don’t think I’m so young, I don’t understand what is happening. It seems like a catch 22. I can’t go out because I don’t have the rite medicine in me, but I have to go out to get the medicine, and I can’t. Rich can’t get the medicine for me, because we have to use our credit card. He said he was going to come home in an hour and a half, but I don’t know when he called, cept it was probably between the last two paragraphs. I think we got to be getting better, but I don’t know how … I can’t even think of putting on socks besides then having to drive. I can’t even go out on the balcony. But, now as I’m saying it I think I remember that we’ve been this place before. But, I don’t think its happened before. I don’t think though that medicine can have this much difference. It was the other medicine that helped us think better that caused this kinda problem before. Because if it did and this was the real me I would be scared. I’m afraid that when Rich comes home he is going to make it very hard on me. We didn’t get to the part where we could start the dishwasher. He’s going to say that he had to go out and do all the hard stuff.

And, he’s going to say that it didn’t storm, because there’s no water outside, but there is a Tornado watch happening.

I wish that Dr. Marvin would call, but I think since we canceled the appointment then he isn’t going to call. We’re having a little more trouble now because we are worrying about stuff that’s suicidal. It started happening just a little while ago maybe when we figured out that Dr. Marvin wasn’t going to call. Things in my head don’t seem to have much to do and it just comes out. I gotta figure out where we are at. Should we start planning something bad? Are we at that place? Why would we want to do that. There seems to be an impending feeling that that’s what we gotta do. I don’t know what to do. Think there was a knife, we saw it a little while ago. Just a little knife we saw it in the drawer I think. I don’t know if its in there. If I get out of my chair then I will go pick up the knife so its probably better we don’t get out of the chair. If we had the knife we might make just a little cut, but not enough to die. So that must mean that we’re not suicidal. We’re just having bad thoughts.

If we don’t get the knife though then Rich will come home and he won’t let me have it. This is bad thinking … we need to stop the bad thinking … can we do that? Can we think of something else? Why is this happening … It’s hard to breath … we’re feeling pretty tense. It won’t do any good to be tense cuz Dr. Marvin probably went home. Nobodies here to take care of us. We should do something. We can’t call rich, because we told him we wouldn’t make him take care of us if we were suicidal.

It’s just a little suicidal though. I think it’s ok to stare a little, but then our thoughts go toward figuring out a way we can hurt ourselves without getting Rich or Dr. Marvin mad. I don’t think they are going to like that though. I need to think more clearly. I don’t understand why that knife … case cutter has become so important again. If we could drive than we could get the bad medicine. That probably isn’t a good idea. There is money in the bank … we’d just have to figure out how to do it. It would mean going to a couple different pharmacies, but I don’t think I could get the medicine and have the person think that we are a normal person, because my face feels so stretched out. Wait I can get a camera … this is who we are.

It hurts to have my face.



This is the way my face is supposed to look like. This is me when we were waiting for Ame and Isa to come over. Where’s that person now.



We got the knife, but we’re not going to use it … we’re just going to watch it so nobody uses it. Maybe Rich will come home soon. We can’t call him, cuz then he’ll be upset and worry. We don’t want him to worry. Dr. Marvin probably left for the day. It’s not a good idea to call him because even if he was there … we were the ones to cancel the appointment, so we shouldn’t get to talk to him. Why is this keep happening in my brain cuz we’re pretty sure the other grammas in ame’s class aren’t thinking like this. Big people are supposed to take care of little people.

But, we don’t seem to be doing good taking care of our people. Maybe we better just let dr. Marvin’s mailbox know that something bad is happening to our thinking. He can’t get mad about that right? He said earlier that he wouldn’t get mad, just concerned. A little concern is ok, cuz sometimes we do dumb stuff. I think I’m goina cry. We might need a little help.

THE NATL WEATHER SVC IN CHICAGO HAS ISSUED A

* SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WARNING FOR.
CNTL COOK COUNTY IN NE IL.
SOUTHEASTERN DUPAGE COUNTY IN NE IL.
NORTHEASTERN GRUNDY COUNTY IN NE IL.
WESTERN WILL COUNTY IN NE IL.

* UNTIL 630 PM CDT.

* AT 532 PM CDT.NATL WEATHER SVC RADAR INDICATED A SEVERE
THUNDERSTORM LOCATED NEAR DIAMOND.& MOVING NE AT 55 MPH.
THIS STORM IS CAPABLE OF PRODUCING QUARTER SIZE HAIL.& DAMAGING
WINDS IN EXCESS OF 60 MPH.

* THE SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WILL BE NEAR.
ELWOOD.& CHANNAHON BY 540 PM.
ROCKDALE.& JOLIET BY 545 PM.
INGALLS PARK.& NEW LENOX BY 550 PM.
LOCKPORT BY 555 PM.
HOMER GLEN.LEMONT.& ORLAND PARK BY 600 PM.
THIS INCLUDES THE CITY OF CHICAGO.

A TORNADO WATCH REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 1100 PM THUR EVENING FOR
NORTHEASTERN IL & NW IN.

It’s now 5:39 pm, but there isn’t any rain yet.

If Dr. Marvin called and if he asked us if we cut then we would have to say yes, but then he would send an ambulance. And, I don’t think that Rich would like that. I think the worse thing that’s been happening is that the therapy is almost over and we’re not real good at walking yet. Everything hurts and we figure we’re going to die early.



This is my father’s face. I think we are throwing temper tantrums like he did. I was just thinking of the time we visited him, because we were in the city and he held the pills that he thought would kill himself. He teased and he taunted … He said, I could do this, all it would take is to put them in my mouth and swallow.

That’s what it seems like with the knife here. He probably wanted attention and that’s probably what we want. We just want someone to take care of us so we don’t have to think anymore. Thinking is hard. Everytime we hear you need to do this, we hear, NO WE DON’T!

We should probably call someone … but we don’t want to make Rich that kind of a person. I don’t think we can put away the knife though. He’ll just take it anyway, you know? And, then what good does it do you? I think we need to hide the knife.

We took it and put it under the towel. That’s not real good hiding, but at least its close. Close enough for what!?? If he makes us do something. Shhh, that’s not what we want to have Rich worry about. We can’t do that.

Dr. Marvin would have gone home, right? That’s why he didn’t call us back?

posted by Ann Marie @ 10/21/2007 04:33:00 AM Comments: 0