Ayn's Multiple World

Maybe there are some who might say we were long-winded?

Good morning. This is me and we’re up early … it’s now about 3:20 am. I think I woke up because I felt warm. I’ve been having trouble sleeping without the air on.

I suppose now that we’e about up to October, we can claim that it’s too cool for it, but I have enjoyed temps below normal. I live in IL. Should be able to get some cool weather in soon, right? Either that or I’m going to have to not be using a down blanket? Hmm, that seems to be the other part … I like being tucked in up to my chin. I guess then the only part I really like colder is my face. I know In know there are those days I complain about it too … I guess it’s a matter of which part you are getting.

As to this kitty part … all he wants is the parts that are warming him up … He’s laying restlessly in my arms, because we are having a disagreement on what is the proper feeding time for young kitties! I’m pretty sure 3 in the morning is too early. He says it can’t be early enough. Yah, Yah … I know he’s going back to bed … he’s not fooling me. He’s about to get bounced because he’s causing me grief. He get’s up reshuffles, lays down, get’s up. You know the story … AND, he’s resting his back paws like a spring on my right wrist … uh huh , the one I was using to type well. He’s not being nice about this at all. AND, he’s cranky about me reaching for coffee. We’re cranky too? Oh … oh yeah, shoot. Ok, there’s a point. Let’s stop that, k? Mumble, mumble, mumble.

Yeah we should probably be going back to bed too, but we want to wake up fishyman … he’s going out with Bob this morning and they are supposed to meet at 6 am. Bob doesn’t usually call in the morning anymore, I think he figures he is waking me too. I didn’t mean to do that to him, it’s good when he calls. I think Rich some time is a stick in the mud with him. He knows his other best friend enough to be moody with him. “I’m not going to call him, he can call me!” Yah I know … more cranky stuff. Hehehe.

Ok, that’s enough of that. We’ve got some time to be up writing if we use our space properly … I’m not sure about feeding the kitty though, because he’s really warming us up. No guarantee though if he was fed he wouldn’t come back. Yes, I love my kitties. But, sometimes this morning luv-in is tough because its like being a bow-legged typer – cept this one is making me feel like I’m in a sauna! Oh, this is what its like to be a middle-aged woman!?? HMPF!

Ok, umm sir warm me up too much has been let go. He didn’t like that much, but my arms we’re starting to ache. Too much grief for first thing of the day. He can come back later when he promises not to be a furnace. *Sigh*

So, what else do we have to talk about? Oh … ‘bout anything , but it will probably be more of the regular, cept we’ve got a little more to talk about as to the vacation. I’ll have to check now to see where we got up to before, hold on.

Ok, I got it … we were talking about those last few moments of the water slapping up against the docks/boats. Umm, I mean yachts. Ok, too there was that mushy part, but we better not go into that … but, there’s a lot to say about having a super bunny friend, ya know!?? Ok, boats …. I think we gave a pretty good idea of some of the stuff we were doing, but it seems like the story lacks a proper ending as to summary. I don’t know if I can do that part justice. But, here goes … that and we got ourselves some icy water. Face is a flame … Missy tried sneakin up too, but we weren’t going that far overboard.

I need clothes on – cotton jammas – to make up for the fact that the screen door and curtain are open, I can’t have either or … it’s both or none. Shhh … it will be ok … just have to focus on something else, and we DO have something nice to focus on, remember?

Ok, what’s the first thought … well, obvious is that the thing I would like beside the lovemaking is to be back on that balcony with super bunny. It couldn’t have been nicer. Hehehe there was this silly part … we were finding that when he would take a sip of coffee then we would take a sip too. We were synchronize sipping.

The silly part was that he didn’t seem to notice, and we were pretty sure we weren’t going to tell him. It was just us being silly.

I liked being on the water a lot. There seemed to be so much to be watching. There wasn’t as much seagulls as the one’s on Lake Michigan in Chicago, but they were beautiful to watch – much better then pigeons. Their wings strike me the most … they are so gracefully cut. I think of it as being a very efficient bird. It’s attuned with humans and our wastes. It was noticed that the charter boat next door had a couple of long tables that were meant for making fillets from the fishes caught. I’m sure it was God’s plan that that those extra fish parts were going to be swooshed into the river where the birds and ducks and such would finish them up … see that’s what we mean about being efficient, not only a beautiful white and graceful to look at, but they are performing functions that are good for the lake and river. See?

I think we’re on the right track. We’re starting to cool down.

We’ve got some more thinking to do though … would like Missy to stop making her little Missy noises. Maybe she wants to say for the record that no kitties were asked if they wanted to travel for a vacation. Yeah, sure, right! I know she would have spent most her time hiding under the king size bed. She’d be sooooo moody.

Plus it’s not nice to have them in the car … they are not good travelers. It’s my
fault … They’ve gone to a handful of doctor appointments and they’ve had two moves.

I think they enjoyed doing that, but … shoot, now we’re wearing Missy as a wrist bracelet. I think there is a pecking order here and I’m on the bottom. Hmpf!

Ok, let’s go back to fishyman thoughts and vacation. It’s about 4 am now. Hmm, I don’t think we mentioned that we went to a special pie place. We had thought we’d be going to the wine place, but as it turned out we got local wine from the place downstairs. We tried making a trip to the winery, but they explained they were booked, so then the next best thing was to at least see the orchard and pie place made from stuff from their orchards. We had the option of going fruit picking either from the bushes or from the apple trees, but Sweetie really didn’t think it was good that we use apples on the pies that he’d been thinking of. So, by then the best place became the restaurant.

It didn’t look like much from the outside, but I think that was by design. It was an old barn that hadn’t gone through much fixing up. Like there weren’t so many windows and it stayed that way. And, I thought I could smell gasoline, but Rich thought that was my imagination, we had a little trouble giving up that thought though. It was pretty much a sandwich pie place, so fishyman to a cheesy Rueben and we had a regular hamburger with Colby cheese. The place was very healthful and they stated on the menu and through the waitresses that they didn’t serve pop. So, we had the house specialty apple cider made from scratch, and Sweetie had ice tea. We talked some, but not a whole lot. I think it was a little overwhelming … we were trying to get used to the new feel of the restaurant. It was like some of the ones here in town that try to make the ambience interesting by having a lot of old stuff around, but here the old stuff was real old stuff! Things were attached to the walls and beams, but you got the idea that this was collected from the previous generations. Usually it doesn’t affect me like this, but we asked Sweetie when do you suppose was the last place they dusted. It didn’t make it better that the floor was cracked cement. I had the feeling that the same elements like Charlotte the
spider were still well and alive.

I didn’t mean to take down that experience, because in my idealistic mind there should be places like this. I find too though that the waitress has an effect on me and whether or not I like the place. Ours wasn’t very good, though maybe Michigan standards are different. The best part was that the pie was good. Not super large, but good. Sweetie had an apple dumpling and we had the raspberry/rhubarb pie. As pies go though … they are specifically known not to last long, even with a nice scoop of ice cream - Ohhh and all the pies come out warm. That was nice. It was the kind of place my mother and grandmother would like, because it would remind them of so many old stories of “living on the farm” or baking, or using the old coffee pots and such, but I guess I wasn’t really in the mood for it, maybe because the thoughts tying it to family were that strong. I’d probably give it another chance if I were up there, and there would probably be times when my mood matched the place. But, the next time back, I would know what we were there for.

I liked the part of being in the car and overlooking the rise to where the orchards were and the clearing and the little tractor going back and forth with skids of very large crates with apples. He was gathering a nice little grid and that was very picturesque. I also liked very much the thought of places like this – kind of the old fashioned notion that fruit was being grown out in wide open healthy places.

Hmm, one more side note. I thought things were a little pushy inside the restaurant and one more example of that was that you had to pay the bill after going out a door where you’d find yourself in a room where they were very deliberately selling wines, pies, and jams. I believe that everyone should make the best opportunity of making money on their operations. But, I didn’t like that we only got a mediocre serving of dinner and dessert and then you were asked to buy “again” their specialty. It shouldn’t have struck me that way, but there may have been a little defensiveness in the same business not having opened their wine tour. It was after season and I didn’t like the sound of the person on the other end. I kind of had a feelling that the people were making their business off the tourists, but that they might not like them.

I didn’t get that from the generosity of the River Suites where we were staying – like they gave us extra towels, plenty of space, the extra dishes and plenty of coffee. They were good, but this place and the paddle wheel turned out not to be so good. With the paddle boat, I couldn’t understand the lady who was doing it. Rich had gone in to ask about wheel chair accessibility and she gave him the impression that it would be too much trouble. That is really the wrong thing to say to people especially if that person turned out to be the kind that was litigious. I’m not, but I kinda wished to be after being turned out. I think the thing about it too was that I had seen a younger person on a wheel chair the first day we were there. That made me feel that it was somehow just that it was me. I’m sure that people around there take notice of who is at the River Suites, especially if you were spending a long time on the balcony. I don’t know if this lady had recognized Rich or not or if she associated it as us. But, then we got to again doubting if it wasn’t something about us personally. It’s not often I feel put down, but this was an occasion. When Rich asked if I would like to try it without the chair, my impression was that if they didn’t like my business for who I was, why would I want to use their service. Maybe over time … the desire to be on a boat will win over, but not for this time … it just kinda sucked. What made it especially bad was that it was after season and the day looked like rain. It really made me feel like I wasn’t wanted. I would like to let people know that this woman, this business had discriminated against me. But, that’s about as far as we can take it … because … I just don’t want it to spoil my time, because in reality most of the time I loved this place, or at least the ideal of it.

You just can’t spoil a nice view and a calm atmosphere and what not – I would like to hope that the more stores I’d entered the more I would find people halfway respectable. I mean you shouldn’t be in that kind of business if you want people to visit your spot, right? That’s not the impression that I got from their advertisement. I tried to think that by this time maybe they wished the vacationers would go away so they could get back to just living off the money, but again this is a bad thought just because of this one woman’s actions. She can’t own me or the impressions I have of the town. In fact, while Rich and I were doing our touring and looking at places that were up for sale, I found the more and more we looked past the town … the more I wanted to stay in Saugatuck. I’m not sure why we’re saying that, but there it is.

I think that Saugatuck is beautiful and that has to be one of the first requirements for living. I felt that way back when I’d found Winona. I had chosen the school, but then there was the first visit. In the pictures, I’d been captivated by the bluffs and the fall changing leaf colors. I saw that it was nestled and only had about 2500 students. All that was very appealing to me. My best friend and I had taken a summer trip to check the place out … and man oh man … first ride into it was after driving in the bluffs for about 45 minute from Rochester. That didn’t turn out to be the fastest way in, but sure was dang pretty. It was then that I knew all the rest would be fine. That’s the same impression this little river section had made on me and the succeeding drive surrounding that. I think we may have even opened Rich’s eyes a little bit. I think we mentioned that a little bit, but I think it was prettier where we were staying than some of the Lake Michigan views.

It’s a matter of seeing life, or seeing solitude I think. I could imagine we’d have the moods for both, but for now and for the record – beauty matters – people come and go.

I think I would like the sense now of going back to the suite. I think that most of the direct stories have already been told. It was really simple. If I were writing a screen play it might seem something like, “Couple sits on balcony for 20 minutes and then remember to say something – Did you see that?” Hehehe … I think that where our thoughts were drifting they were very much like fishy face. I wasn’t really having thought long thoughts where I was trying to figure out something. I felt like me when given the time and opportunity to write … I especially like that when we were sitting outside that we were able to write freely. I would have to check it out more inside hehehe … something about that inviting fire place made more sense to my sleeping than writing selves. But, I’m sure that’s more because we were just tired. We’d woken up pretty excited to be getting there … and it HAD been a long time in coming.

Maybe one more short idea … it’s almost time that I’m going to go in and wake up fishy face. We’re thinking a 20 minute cuddle … hehehe unless he were to jump out of bed suddenly, because he sees fishing ahead. See that’s something to be said … fishyman needs the water maybe as much or even more than I need it. I think that is a bad part though. Fishyman says that he asked and that it was a good place to fish for walleye, but it wasn’t a good place to fish for bass and that the kind of fishing that he likes to do. I think that could be a deal breaker. Maybe it would cause this place to be a vacation spot, rather than a place to settle down. If that were the case then I would have to get over it. I think the need of fishyman to be able to get a boat and get up early in the morning to fish would be one of the biggest priorities. I could write from most likely any lake, but he’s gotta have his part too – it be only fair. So, I need to have that kept in check, plus the part that he is going to want a year or two to settle into the thinking of finding a place.

I hadn’t gotten around to calling Mike over the week day. The thought that he was only available during certain mid-day hours, didn’t help, but to be honest, I didn’t think of moving during that same time. I think this week I’ve been hoping that I would grow stronger and be able to handle the stairs, because I would like not to move. Sometimes you get ancy and know that it is time, but it isn’t like that right now. Or, at least not for me. Maybe other parts feel differently. I don’t know.

The other night when Rich and I’d had that frosty part, he had been looking again at apartments on-line … and that sorta gave me the idea that he was looking or would want to be the one to find the place. Maybe that would be a good idea, but then I would be contributing a lot too. I would like to get to the point where I just hand him a $1,000 or about 40% of my net income and just say that’s enough of a contribution. He said he was looking at apartments between $800 - $1200. And my idea was to look up to $1600, because those were the nicer places with the dryers.

Hmm, that thought is enough of that kind of thought. Maybe we can get Mike to call us back today. That would be a good idea. I think we are now looking basically for a first floor, three bedrooms, and a washer/dryer. Then it should be in a fairly good neighborhood, preferably off a main street. I don’t know if Mike has anything like that that is going to become available sometime soon. If he had something a couple of months off, maybe he would let us wait up for it and then we would offer to sign a contract so he knew that we weren’t going to be wishy-washy about it.

Yes, that would probably be a good idea. This week should have been good, because Candice was out of the office for a couple of days, but I think in general, we are so much into the business of work, we don’t have spare moments to be thinking too much personal stuff, BUT … it is now 5:04 … that is close enough … we’re going to use the washroom and then try curling up with fishy guy. WoOHOOO!! Ok, girls … backrubbing fingers ready??!!

Awe … well some parts worked and others … well then there is fishy on the other end.  As I was coming out of the washroom, we both met at his bedroom door … I figured I’d better get out of the way, cuz he was probably heading toward the little room. He said something about taking his shower right away … And, we thought boooo … no backrub? Hehehe … we went and laid on his bed anyway. He came out in a couple of minutes suggesting that we might want to grab the weather report for him. He was still thinking do I take my rain clothes or leave them behind. We gave him a sparkling report! Just enough cloud cover to make the fishies swishie!

We umm helped him dress and then patted his back for a few. Then we got him some coffee and talked for about ten minutes, before he headed out the door with fishy line and his baseball cap. He had to pick up one of his rods and get a couple bags of ice for the cokes he was getting. The talk was lite and chipper. He told us of a card that his other buddy had sent him of this beautiful woman on one side, but then on the other side, she is telling the guy all the right things. Do you want a backrub, sweetie? That was a really good put! Can I get you another cup of coffee? Shouldn’t you be out with the guys? Etc. Rich said, that it sounded like us and by the time you finish reading the comments you are not even looking at the picture part anymore. So. We think we’re on the right track. The thing is that it isn’t really hard. It’s giving up a few ego busting things … like it is good to take care of yourself, but that can be arranged around the other’s needs too.

It was funny. Yesterday we did a couple of groups. The first one was the Circle program for the Leadership group. We were on the week where we were talking about relationships with boy or girl friends. One of the points I’d repeated several times was that it was important to be an interesting person if you want to have an interesting relationship. One of the girls brought up that she wanted her boyfriend to say nice things to her. But, then we said … well that’s a good idea, and then we impressed her with a half dozen nice things. Afterward, we said … well that took about 5 minutes. Now, what are you going to do for the rest of the date?!?

I think the funny thing about that session is that it came so easily to us. I still tell them that I don’t have a boyfriend, but then I am able to give really good advice as if I did … hmm, right? I got into the part that I know this group has problems with and that is “nagging.” I asked questions like would you want someone nagging you? Just think about it … you are with that special someone you should be thinking the most about, he has maybe gone through the extra lengths of taking you
somewhere special, everyone is dressed up? And, now you want to make him feel bad?

That doesn’t make any sense, does it?

The session went on, but man did we have a lot to say yesterday. Usually, our folks don’t get further than I’m going to hold her and smooch her, and well other in that general direction. But, in our program, we had made the ideal date by going through the paces. We asked for a volunteer to draw a couple on the board, and we named them, and stated that was the first thing about dating … you had to ask the other person what was his name or her name. And, then the next thing was to (with permission from the parents) you needed to get that persons phone number, and then this led to getting the others’ address, meeting the parents, arranging to go somewhere, coming up with the money, transporting oneself, getting dressed, etc. Everyone in the group was listening and making contributions. This was the same thing that happened with Group II before this.

With group II, we at first had some problems with some giggly girls, after our first sentence in stating that you had to be adults and not kids to be in a romantic relationship. I tried repeating the sentence, and they continued to giggle, so I had them stand up and go to the next table. Then I tried the sentence again with the remainder of their peers. “You have to be an adult to have a romantic relationship.” No giggling. AHA! Just as I thought. So, then we went over to the table next to us where the girls were. We practiced 3-4 times, but then they were able to get it … they could hear the sentence without giggling. GOT IT! Woo HOOO!

I then said once more the sentence with the whole group … AND, NO ONE GIGGLED!! Oh
man … sweet! We also talked to the one girl about not telling everyone about her sweetie. We talked about privacy. Everyone from each of the first 3 groups paid attention as we got past the first couple of minutes that were uncomfortable to them. For the sake of argument with the gigglers, we told them that it was ok for them to laugh at some of the funny things “Teacher Ann” said, but that they were only a little funny, not a lotta funny. Hehehe … well, we don’t want to lose our audience!

They were both good groups. I know that this one girl in the second group is having trouble understanding boundaries with her sexuality, but I have always liked her, and for the longest time she’s liked us. She says, “I like Teacher Ann, she is funny!” There are a few of them who are Spanish that call me that. I gave up trying to correct them long time ago. I want for them to be able to talk to me, but I also know that if they have private concerns, those should be going to their parents, or if necessary to their Q’s.

I’m not sure how we got here, I think we started with giggling ourselves with Sweetie. I like that he’s the center of my attention when he’s in. No, that’s not to say that I like having time to read and write on my own. It’s just that he’s about the most fascinating person I ever knew. Some things are predictable, but that in itself is interesting. Like I know that he’s always the one to be taking care of things, but its better for him if you can take care of yourself. I know that he likes making the decisions unless he wants you to state your opinion.

That’s not a bad thing. I think its ok to play different roles and that the more you can get in variety – that’s good stuff. Like with the Leadership group yesterday, we came to the question of who is paying for dinner or movies, or whatever? There was mixed ideas. Some of both sexes were saying that it was the male’s responsibilities, but then some of the girls were saying that they would want to pay for themselves. I made it ok for either as long as they both agreed. I said it was an old fashioned idea that the guy paid and things have changed over time so that females could stand up for themselves.

I also along that vein said that the female – or other person not responsible for driving should always have an extra $20 on them. That was so that if God forbid you got in a fight or found that the partner wasn’t safe, you could call a cab home.

They thought that over and decided it was a pretty good idea too. We had to do some special rules because of them being depended on families. And, at the end we talked about a permissible ending to saying good night. A kiss or a hug was ok, but if the families had allowed them that kind of privacy – that 5 minutes should be plenty of time. They seemed to think that too.

Later after the group, we had only a few moments to get ready for the Thinking Group, because we were doing something else before and had forgotten all about it.

Fortunately, last week we had written down that we were going to do something with the yellow pages and planning a recreational pool party. That suited us fine … and all we had to do was pick up the phone book. During the thinking group there is about 40 people present so things have a different way of picking up wind. For example, a couple of guys got together to present that they wanted beer at their party, and another girl had decided that they should have roller skates. I thought about it for a few moments. The first thought I had was that – well, they are all older than 21. But, then I soured on the idea … I thought that being at a pool party where there’d be slippery surfaces and water, that we should think negatively on both ideas.

Basically, then we decided that if you wanted to drink you could go hang out somewhere else down on another block, but that we wanted to keep our party safe.

Then we went into a bit of making choices. We told them that if they didn’t want to
hang out with us – where it would be safe, then they could make that decision, and that we’d miss them, but not fret over it. I think that’s one thing I’ve always liked about being with this group. I’m always responsible for the group and over what is going on, but there is other times I like being “with” the group and thinking through with them the decisions. Like it became more important for me as a group member not to be pressured into a drinking party, because the few were going that way … it seems in real life it is like that too. It’s just a few who sway the group, because of pressure. So, basically, we were stepping in as a person and a female in saying that I recognize you can do that, but I don’t want to be a part.

That seems fair and it gave the others an opportunity to go that other direction.

If more of the group had wanted to be drinking it would be another idea, but I didn’t get that from them. But, one of the reasons for the group was to be going through choice-making.

To be honest we go through our own pressures. Just a few moments before that had come through another nun who was staying with Sr. had walked by in our glance on her way to chapel. She was older than Sr. Theresa. Man … talk about pressure. It’s wise to use one’s liberalness carefully hehehe. STILL, I would have come to the same decisions. I felt uneasy thinking of this whole group drunk in and around the water. Just not a good decision. Instead, we got a band through the yellow pages, and added dancing. Our party was good … we talked about having the party at a hotel, because they had indoor swimming in the winter. We ended up looking up busses, pop, pizza … that sort of thing. I didn’t go for the idea that they should be looking for limousines, unless someone wanted to put out the extra couple hundred it would cost. No one, but one thought it was a very interesting idea, but it was good for the group to discuss, because it is something that was important to that one – who had gotten to ride in once as part of her birthday present.

The thinking group had involved parts of goal making and objectives too. So the fact that they wanted to swim, dance, have their pizza etc. were part of their goals that became a plan. Then we suggested that the objectives would be the steps we as individuals could take, such as with the goal of going to the party. Let’s see … what’s the first objective – BREAKFAST! Yep, yep … and then there came getting dressed, packing, making phone calls, etc. They did just fine. Can you see how this could work out with my higher goals of them taking more responsibility over a recreational event?

I’m having a lot of fun with this … Now, I can’t remember the cards I drew next week, but there will be another installment. Hmm, I remember now something about learning, but we were looking at the vocational area … somehow we would have more options, if we were more open to learning. There were about 5 areas toward this one line we checked out and under each one about 7-8 thoughts that went along with that idea. Then after thinking about it we figured, we’d only have enough time to explore one. So, we wrote it up and then set it aside. I liked these feelings.

Ok, now we’re all checked out for next Friday. It’s the same for the other groups.

On Tuesday, we had the new session for the circles – week 4 with extended family relationships. Group 1 is in front of the other groups, just because of the time I’ve had available for each of the groups. They become my testers then. The group went well and I’m glad I got it typed up, but I found that they had trouble identifying things about their family structure. For example, even though this was one of the progressive groups, most of them didn’t know their mother or father’s name, and a lot of them couldn’t name one or two aunts, uncles and cousins by name.

We assisted them through it, but it shook me. I decided that we’d slow them down next week and have them do some kind of additional exercise. We had them drawing up family trees and there was just too many vacant branches.

I wasn’t too happy that the DSP to this group didn’t seem to think that it was a
problem that they didn’t know enough about their parents to know them by name – basically, as a person other than that one in a roll to be taking care of them. We had problems too this week with her because she didn’t ask for assistance with the door when it came time to use the washroom. Usually, its real easy … you just grab one of the clients and ask them to stand duty the 3-4 minutes it takes. Or, you simply ask sister to watch for you … she’s never not done that when needed. So, anyway here comes us. I had pulled up a few minutes earlier to catch a better spot than we got. Two other staff – DSPs had come through half a minute before us and had gotten the only two good spots – it was one of those mornings where they are doing street cleaning and you can only park on half the street. So, we had to walk a block … and then we get to the door and ring. We rung the door 8 times before someone let us in. We were in unbelievable pain. It was too bad to walk back to the car. We about toppled Sr. Theresa getting to a chair. Then the DSP comes out with an attitude … nothing I could do … I thought sister would get it. How do you know … did you make those arrangements? Grab the DSP in front of me that had stolen the best spots?! No, I didn’t say those things … I just was too fit to be tied to be dealing with that kind of attitude. Sr. listened so after a few sentences I quieted down. Kept repeating … it’s just that I can’t stand for long. I don’t know … somewhere we are going to have to come to some other arrangement, but for the time being I don’t know of one. I’m pretty sure that Sr. Theresa isn’t going to give me my own key, nor would I want the responsibility. I think I would have forgotten about it, but then the same DSP gives me a call about 4 pm and states for the recored that she was sorry, but then she repeated the same tired story, but nothing I could do. Uh huh, uh huh. Well, have a nice weekend. (Tiny letters, you better believe I could give you more options!!!). Sister can do that part of training.

However, we might say something to them about fluency of thought! YEEKS!

Ok, shhh, time to settle down again. It’s 7 am and we’re already up to page 11. We got ourselves some more hot coffee … used the little room, took our medicine and … about a half hour or so ago, we figured out how to connect our headphones again. We had to change an auditory setting … dang … couldn’t figure that out most of the summer. Thing is sometimes I like the music louder than I think my neighbors like … and this morning we’re into love stories. I’ve only got half of my right ear working, that might be some of it … it seems better with the headphones. We’ve been using them a lot at work for this reason. We thought it was more privacy from the other Q, but she was out 2 of the last 3 days and we were using the earphones throughout. We have the same set here at home and at work. We like sometimes to shut out the world and we like the sound of music to go along with a quicker key-stroking.

Ahh it is a good time for a couple stretches. AND, somehow while we weren’t looking it became light out there. Good for fishyman to check out what he was catching. We opened both curtains – and now the temperature seems good … actually has been for a bit … what? Hmm? Didn’t feed the kitties yet? YEEKS BRB.

Pshwoo that was close … almost had upset kitties. I know when he is especially persistent something is the matter. He was getting up, I was putting him down, back and forth. Then he stayed down, but scratched my side and right arm. Yup, that’s a hungry kitty for you! I think he’s going to be in soon to have his tummy scratched before his mid-morning nap. Yup … they got the life!

Need to be settling the knee again … that was something we didn’t like about vacation. It was achy all the time up there. For whatever reason. We stopped in for physical therapy on Wednesday night. She gave us a good work-over. Well actually I think it was because we didn’t bring her back Michigan apples. Hmpf! It was about an hour and a half session and she tried a lot of new things … sort of like their own torture chamber. Double Hmpf!

In Rich’s short 10 minutes of conversation this morning … he managed to get in that we should take some moments to do some stretching. We’ll see how it goes … Maybe it will recede again. Hmm, that was something else. We visited Dr. Marvin on Thursday … he was in good form too to bother the hell out of us. Well, at least maybe me. I know there were parts who talked about the vacation. And, there were those who talked about some things that had taken place with Rich, but then there was time left … I remember identifying Jamie and she was like laughing … as if to say, no … no … you’re not going there! Well. Actually she was like saying that out loud too. It was so funny. There was this period of darting glances. Him not wanting to look at us too closely and her doing the same thing while both trying to get a closer look at the other. Sheesh. I don’t know if I can remember what they were talking about though. I think it had something to do with diet and dead thoughts.

OHHH yeah, something was written down on paper. She was taking notes. Wonder where those notes are. Hmm, I’m thinking they might be in the wheel chair pocket. Shoot, that would have been interesting. They were doing hard thinking and I remember at the end, she was saying like ok ok times up … that’s plenty. Better get the notes on the next trip down … or maybe ask fishyman to bring it up for us. That be a cop-out though wouldn’t it … shoot.

Hehehe we all know Jamie I think better than any other part. She’s the funniest, but I wouldn’t tell her that. I think the funny part besides her out loud assurances that she doesn’t want to work too hard, is that she’s capable of so much and when she’s out talking to Dr. Marvin they actually can think pretty good together, but like she’s trying to get Dr. Marvin to think harder, and he’s trying to get her to think harder. So, they both have to work on being fair.

Love this song … James Blunt – You’re beautiful!

Ok, deep breath … think we’re done talking about Dr. Marvin. Hehehe Jamie was saying something to him though about him trying to earn his keep and she was going on about how he was trying to rattle her, etc. etc. She kept talking out loud of her grief. But, she’s so funny. She always makes people laugh as she’s complaining.

I think there was a moment like that with Rich. Sometimes we both get into our routines and we’re like listening … and there are other times we are listening harder … Usually, I try to hear Rich out when he’s telling us about something that is going on. But, other times we give him a break and don’t listen as hard. Not that we aren’t trying, but I think its because it is going through different filters. AHA! That was a Jamie thing they talked about getting to understand how the multiplicity or the multiple parts are working together, or not together. Last night there was a chance to ask Rich about how his meeting had gone with union people. He needed to tell people he was a bit outraged, but they needed to say that he’d gone over the edge. I don’t know because we’ve heard enough of what we think as Rich getting mad. I think the maddest we’ve ever seen him was after we had come home with the new car. But, there’s plenty of gray in-between. But, the thing is that it was sensitive enough with him, that nobody gave him too much grief over it.

But, it will come up again. Because as much as he would like to continue working on our problems instead of his own – he still has some anger management issues to be working on. I think this was a calling card type issue. We remind him sometimes that the littlest thing has changed and he’s already getting huffy about it. But, we don’t want to be going into his thing … we need to focus on how we’re doing and not about reporting on others.

That was another point with the Circles group yesterday. We were saying that in one form or another that it wasn’t a good idea to get together without interesting things going on in your own life, because otherwise you would fall prey to just discussing others and that was just gossip. No sense for it, because if you wanted to be in a real relationship you have to be giving parts of yourself, not construed ideas of others. I’m right up there at the top of the heap trying to figure people and situations out, but then it’s really more about what have I learned or gotten from a set experience. Like in describing fishyman’s moments this morning. It’s the high that I was trying to get through … He makes me feel very good. It makes me feel very worthwhile to contribute to his life as a happy part.

I think that’s where I was going a few moments ago. It’s more than just being useful to someone, but there is there part of a bargaining that goes between people. Rich knows that if I think he should be called to the carpet, we are going to go there given the time and tolerance we are both exhibiting. Sometimes we worry that we are not contributing as much to the relationship, because most of the stories are about us listening to him. We don’t spend nearly as much time telling him stuff. I’ve expressed this before, in that, we have this writing medium to express ourselves. Rich has just us and the very limited positive feedback he gets from others. Hmm, that’s another story … it came up yesterday going over the union stuff ... like realistically, at work, who is covering his back. But, if I’m doing well and have all my hens counted then I can give my time and attention to him. Or him to me. If we are both trying to avoid having crises it works much better and then there is more time for each of us to be either freely together or separate as him fishing with his friend today, or with us and the writing. Goes back to the interesting-in-self comments made earlier with the Circles group. I’m not the storyteller that Rich is and I don’t have as many contacts as he does that are personally interesting. Periodically, we might want to talk about something that came up in the group, but I don’t feel the need to list out all the stories, especially if we’ve written about them. We have to watch that with Dr. Marvin, because sometimes with him, we get into the listing of situations so that he can feel them with us, more than getting to the point of therapy where we are working with the hard stuff. It’s just that the man has all his hens counted AND inventoried!

Shoot, we’re just all over the place now. So many ideas. My thoughts are going faster than my fingers are able to catch up. They feel kind of sore. I hope that we can get past it, because I think there is a well-spring of stuff inside us trying to get out, but as an alternative if we are too hurting than we go to plan B, which means back into some curriculum work, or by far-chance we need to do some stuff for Rich on grants. I think if something could go through there Sr. would be much relieved. She’s still trying to figure out how to pay for transportation on a more limited budget. It would also make Rich’s position more secure. Maybe we’ll have to try and progress that … what is it that we have to get over to get into some real work … basically, what are we postponing for.

Hmm, one more thing on that score … umm, now that fishyman is gone for the day …
shouldn’t we be thinking of getting some housework done too? One more thing too.

Fishyman wants to give less money each week to the laundry services so he is talking
about getting some stuff done here at home during his off hours. We somehow are going to need contributing to that effort. We’ll have to focus on being fair. I’m not sure how to negotiate the problem that we have going up and down stairs. Maybe my contribution will be in talking to mike about the apartment. We really need something with a washer and dryer … I’m not sure if Mike has something like that … our 8 am alarm just rang. I think I’m going to leave a message so I don’t mess up on the time.

Ok, good left him the message. He’s got a person answering service. I know he’ll call back, because he is very professional. I think we’ve been going back and forth over that issue. I don’t want to go through what is necessary to move, but I have to face some practical limitations. I think that I would still like to keep rent down because I know that in a year or so, I would like to be thinking seriously about Rich getting a place on some lake as a weekend getaway/retirement home. I think that is much more possible if I can help him keep expenses down now. But, there is some other very practical business aspects, such as 1) me and the stairs, 2) Rich taking everything up and down on the stairs, 3) laundry, 4) extra storage space for his things, and 5) getting a place that’s more both of ours than just mine. There’s probably other things too, but this is what is on top of my mind. I think that it is time now to if not move, to be planning something seriously.

I don’t want to put-out Mike if I don’t have to. I know it’s a hassle for him to do changes. It’s much easier just to have the rent coming in steadily. I think I’ve confused the situation by asking for a 3 bedroom, pishpossing the idea of not getting more for the buck, and then not going for the apartment next door when asked. I hope he is going to show some patience. The only thing I can say for sure is that we’ll have to make a commitment, if necessary on paper, to going with an idea after it comes up. We’re hoping that we’ll be able to by some time in the packing aspects, by waiting an extra month or two before the actual move.

I think I mentioned that before in another conversation that I worked out with Rich, or at least am in process of working it out so that … if he moves things down to our level, that I do a good proportion of the packing. I think I can do most everything still if I’m sitting down. I don’t mind packing per se … it’s the pain I don’t like. I’m not sure yet where I’m going to come up with the extra time. I did put in a warning with Sister Theresa though that I’m considering a change. Of course, she can’t know about the Rich part. I think she is smart enough though to know that I’m having problems with physical mobility. I don’t think she is thinking that my job is going to be compromised, although, somewhere along the line, we might need help with going up and down to the front, but since we have to move to get out the door and to the bathroom, maybe that will have to be a long time in coming.

Sister said something this week toward the emergency meeting she is going to be holding today at the center that we might not be able to stay open for more than a couple of years. This was said about getting people to volunteer more money toward the center. I don’t know her odds … I don’t know if the majority don’t think, “Hey, I’ll just go somewhere else!” Especially, if she gives them a couple of years advance notice. I think there has to be more done in selling our place. I’m not sure how to do that, except right now through the curriculum changes. I would like to be more comfortable in having a set plan on how to record and reassure progress is being made. I think this is more back to management planning of both curriculum and program planning. Sr. said something interesting this last couple of days.

She wanted us to be going more into the rooms for better supervision … but, we’ve been negotiating a point that I’m not given enough leverage to make it worth my time and effort. I do think for the record, I know enough there to make a difference.

We have to be most discerning in that I can be very critical and overwhelmed easily by the amount of work that is necessary to being done. I have definite points of view as to how things should be occurring, but I don’t have the expertise enough to know if this is the way it has to be to make a difference, or if I’m just going on gut level, which is ease of programming from within my limited scope of knowledge.

In general, I think I have good ideas, but I am not formally trained. I think that the work on curriculum development and supervision from ASCD is going to help, but we need to be more consistent in its use. We had established the week before this that we’d spend time from 7:30 – 9:00 am on going through reading and outlining, but then this week there wasn’t enough time to do everything and we didn’t get to it at all. We’ve been trying to make a breakthrough recovery effort in getting the work done to set us off as exemplary in the case management of the ten clients.

Hmm, hold the phone there … guess what? Someone’s made arrangements to be with Maury today. WooHOO!!! We have a dinner appointment at 2 pm!!! So cool! I’m afraid to tell the boys that most things like this I forget without extra help.

Maybe someone would have remembered, but then maybe he knew, because he was calling to confirm the time. I guess now I’m thinking about it had been arranged to be loose in case he had other things – us too, but I told him I wanted to settle up on time so that I wouldn’t reprioritize the time. It’s about 8:30 am now and we’re on page 16, so we’re doing ok so far. Let’s think that through though. 2 pm … leave at 1 pm, shower by noon? Ok, we can do that. I’m all good. Reshuffle thinking … girls – shower at noon? K?!

Wonder what we could be bringing with. Maury always says nothing, but we think we should have something in hand. ESPECIALLY for Ms. And Ms. Wonderfuls. We’re on a no-no thing with budget. Hmm, that’s something that came up with Dr. Marvin too.

We were without medicine that morning, but even if we weren’t we’d done another bad-Ann thing with the money. We are showing no responsibility. Basically, what happened was that we’d gotten an advertisement for free shipping from our favorite TOO EXPENSIVE store – shoot can’t even find the receipt it’s so hidden. Anyway the store is Horchows. We ended up spending $190 we didn’t have – that was Dr. Marvin’s point. We ended up getting speciality dishes … we bought 3 sets of 4 for $100 – the logic was that it was $9.20 per plate and below the spending limit for staff Christmas spending. But, its like September … it was good for us to be planning ahead, but this is way over what has to be any sense of common sense. We also got two special handtowels a cutting board and special butterfly dessert servers for Sr. Theresa. So we’ve spent the couple hundred of dollars that we plan each year for them.

We haven’t had any kind of nerve to tell Rich … it’s hidden pretty deep. We are stunned with amazement over how we could do such things. I don’t recall though what Dr. Marvin said would be the next step. I think he was thinking that we needed to design some kind of consequences. I think we deferred at that point to having told the clients the same kind of thing. I don’t know what to think next. I don’t know how to do this … Somehow we have to have a much clearer path from expenses out to cash. We somehow think of it as “available” til spent. It’s just so dead wrong.

Maybe I have to stop freaking out here for a moment and think through it.

I think they were tying it together with the way we eat … it has something to do with those notes Jamie wrote … somehow it connects with death. I don’t know … but, I know that we are going out now … so we have to settle in our thoughts that we have to get when we go down there the note written and placed in the wheel chair pouch.

Oh man, I think this is a serious thing. Maybe we have to get it so that more and more parts are talking about it. What’s my part? I don’t know … I’d have to slow down and have a thought. That’s going to be hard. Pretty much, I just tend to ramble on. Ok, I’m going to slow down and let an important question be asked, but I don’t know what the question is or who it is that does the asking. Just being told that’s what happens. Ok, shhhh. Let me “think.” What do I have to think about?

I think we need to make some kind of commitment not to be spending money, but then someone has to spend the money. Is it going to be so harsh that no one can spend money, BUT the one paying the bills, and how do we know that one will spend it for something too much in one direction or another. It sure be good to get some of the bills paid … but, we’re avoiding that … AND NO I’M NOT GOING TO PAY BILLS! We have extra dentist bills and social security that should come to a break sometime. We’ve got a stack of unopened mail next to us. We haven’t wanted to do anything with it for awhile. That should have to be done some time. Hmm, maybe my part then could be to come up with a schedule for it? It’s about 9 am now … Hmm. Why don’t we set a limit and say the bills have to be done no later than 11 am. That gives us an hour before the shower. Sure I know that I want to write AND read, but the reality is that at 17 pages, we really are getting in enough writing and we’re going to need
moving on about then. Ok, is that a done deal?

Ok, bills no later than 11 and shower no later than 12. Man that’s tough … now I’m being asked about housekeeping. Damn.

There goes all my writing time! :( 

That’s a very unhappy face!

OK, OK

I will agree, but in only 20 minutes at a time, K????? Yes, I will set the _Q()*%&_(*#& timer … but, I’m not happy. NO MORE THAN 20 min! That gives you all enough time to clean! WHAT ME??? You gotta be kidding .. Oh man definitely not in favor of that. _)Q&*(%_ shhhh shhh … I know upset the … _Q%&*_&*#% STOP that!

Setting timer.

Sorry, someone’s just stomped off. More coffee? Thanks, I would like that! AHA more coffee AND an orange. Haven’t had anything to eat since 3 am. That’s pretty good. Ahh, that is one of the things Dr. Marvin said that it seemed to be working to do things day by day. That would mean rebooting similar goals each day. But, there is not enough time for morning chatter. There’s just too many things all these parts have to do and now we’re working between the parts that want to stay up late and the ones that want to get up early. Can’t seem to have both. We are still basically getting up when we do, but if its as late as 6:30 am then Rich wakes us up. But, then those mornings, we’re about 20 minutes late for work, that’s no good. We’re staying late enough for a majority of days so that’s not a big problem, but I don’t like that Candice is getting in before us. That seems to put us at a disadvantage.

Hmm, can I say that part? I’m not sure where all you are at, but that has been an important part about getting our work done. We started with the Medicaid cards last week, and then this week, we added the files for all our clients. We swept through them to check due dates for State ID, Psychological, Medical, Dentil, and Medicaid.

Out of 10 clients I have 5 perfect files and between the others there were 10 documents that we were missing to have perfect files. Wow! That was something.

So, we got ourselves together and sent out the necessary requests through individualized letters. I hope to get a good response. We had one more client on Friday night who was going to hand in a Medicaid card, but otherwise I will have a perfect turnaround … all 10 clients in for the month of September. Since those things really work quarterly, I’m going to do this again going into January. That will be a new quarter for CSO this quarter we are going to need be good enough with these September cards. Plus, that will be good for our own state inspections.

I gave Candice a special notice that we have state inspection coming up and she would be expected to have her files and Qnotes caught up. I will talk to Sr. about it this week, in that it should be mentioned for the sake of argument to Candice at the Administration meeting that she had no time to spare and that November through February they could be in. That gives her a month to prepare. AND, she has to realize that she’s got also to have annuals done AND take off time for Monday morning meetings with Group 1. One thing we noticed with the last staff meeting a week ago. She was much more apt to quiet down and pay attention to instruction. I think this was a consequence of having been placed in a teacher’s role. I kept her off-balanced enough so she had to be spending her time thinking just to keep caught up. That was a good thing.

Anyway … we also worked on the Qnotes this week. We got the 3 done that had only one or two to catch up. Then we finished two of the long ones. The long ones are like February, March, April, May, June, July, and August for one client. That’s a lot of writing. I was very pleased that putting in a long day, I could catch two of them up on the same day that I was having two group meetings. I think I have four long ones left. But, we’re over the half-way mark. We were progressed enough for us to be thinking that we should be helping Candice. She wants to be independent, but since she’s started she’s handed in like 2 Qnotes where I could do 12-15 in one day WITH other stuff going on. I don’t think she’s going to get caught up unless we challenge her a bit. We can do by the end of October 4-5 to her 2-3. I think it is fair that she do the ones from August and September, July is marginal and I’ll do the rest … and this will be just for the clients I had of hers – so it will cover 10 of them. Holly is on her own … I heard her say that she’s going to catch them up, but that will go to its dire end. Holly has never had Qnotes caught up even with Mirza’s help. BUT, we’re close to the old days and feeling it where we can pull ourselves up to being on time. AND, we are loving it and thinking that it is a very good role model for Candice.

Yeeks!

We gotta clean something … umm, let’s start with this desk, Hmm? Why don’t we get a garbage … blend some of these tasks by at least pulling the mail from the envelopes. That would be a great start, Hmm? And maybe bring extra dishes to the kitchen too? Hmm, ok, you go girl!

Hmm, didn’t happen that way, but it was a good up. Dishes were brought to the kitchen, the dishwasher emptied and dirty dishes put in it. Then we filled the water bottles, wiped down the sink and counter, and we got a garbage bag for the living room. That’s enough for one up. More than usual, I think we’re getting better. We gave ourselves 15 minutes more which will put us to 9:50 … that’s one more task before 10. We’re well on our way. WooHOO!! Maybe we’ll do the living room though next before bills … it’s always easier if the house is picked up before attempting a hard task.

We haven’t finished off our thoughts on washing clothes. If Rich does laundry once a day or 4-5 times a week then that means, 3 trips … so maybe we can make a commitment to doing 4-5 trips … I think we can still bring clothes down, but we have a harder time bringing them up … so we’ll save always the last trip for him. Maybe we’ll have to coordinate our time with him calling me to start something while he’s on his way home, so he can do something before coming up the stairs. That would be a much fairer deal and it would be good for us. Just have to do it as a game or partnership deal more than feeling put out. I think that plan works better for us then just doing our load, because we would have a harder time doing 3 loads in one day, plus lifting. PLUS, this has to get coordinated with the rest of the buildings schedules. I can trust now that Rich is figuring out the lay of the land down there. Ok, that’s done for now … we’ll leave it on a mark that we do at least 1/3 of the running and we will learn to coordinate the effort with Rich. I can go down 45 minutes before he gets home, he can change a load on his way up, and then he can go down and back up only once to get the clothes and we both should be doing folding. That would work, WOOHOOO!!! Got it!

There we just signed the bargain … we sent him an email on the last paragraph.

Would make us feel good. Ok, now 2 ½Error! Hyperlink reference not valid. minutes to fool around. Let’s see what’s next. Living room, hmm? That means put away blanket and dog, straighten towel, straighten cushions, clear laundry. Take some of the shoes out of here and then start going through that messy stack on the side of the desk. Is that everything?

OK … times up … let’s go.

Oh man … this is so bad … I don’t understand how this has happened. I see a picture of a firing squad and I’m being so dead.

My account is showing $1396.39, but that is after my deposit that I made yesterday of $1,282.72 … that means I had $113.67 in my account whereas I had at least $806.31 of bills that was supposed to be paid from what had been $1200.00, plus of course that $375 of medical bills that come out on its own. What I’ve got to pay right now is $78 for our license, $50 for oral surgeon (bal. 200), $50 dentist, $68.78 Comcast, $74.62 Cell, 100 School (bal. 600), $50 Social Security (bal. 900), $50 ICS Loan ($833.46 balance), $22.40 Walgreen’s, and $262.51 Electrical. What’s supposed to come out of this money isn’t all that … what’s supposed to come out of this money is just $870 rent and $395  $431 car because we were short last time.

Ok, we did a couple of things here … before we lose anything else, we paid the rent and car payments. The money should be there by the 4th – that’s what? Thurs?

Well, something like that … at least they will get there on time. That leaves $131.39 in the account. I need to find one of those small cash/check/license places. They should have a cash station to take out $80 so I can pay them for the $78 license sticker … because of all the bills that’s the only one that’s going to give me a ticket in two days. My license expires at end of September. That will leave $50 in my account

I called back that place I ordered that stupid, stupid stuff too. It’s going to take them a month to credit us and they charged me for a double order … they state that I only have to put their “smart label” on it and deposit it at the post office and they will send it back. She says they will wave the fee of $10 something, but its going to take a month to credit my account.

When I send things back … then I should recoup $458 if you count the plastic stuff too still sitting here in its box. The problem with that is that it would be so useful if we are going to plan moving. BUT, that will depend … might want to call Mike again … see what he has for us. But, at least that would get me down to being just $300 short YEEGADS! How do these things happen???? The rest will have to last til the next month “cringing” BUT, each month my bills are for … damn … I wonder if Fishyman would take over money for me … I’m irresponsible. He can use it all to pay bills – I don’t ever want to have spending money again. I don’t have it its all just for bills. Plus, we got a bunch of envelopes for school loans it’s in about 3 or 4 different accounts. Ok, ok … SHHHHHHH

This is enough money for the time being … we don’t have anything to spend today, we paid rent and car … $50 in … let’s see who grabs that first. I think Rich is going to have a fit when he finds out my music service costs me $31 a month and that we also charged … oh man that’s for apple service … what’s that for?? We’re using $15 service from Yahoo … man oh man that has to be stopped … We spent $40 for POGO games and $90 for the ASCD site … Fuck we’re going to need giving him the card. I think that’s the only thing we can do. We need to ask for $30 gas money and $10 Dr. M parking money, but that’s it … maybe he’ll do that for me and then we’ll keep the responsibility of paying bills through the account and depositing checks. I don’t think its going to be enough money though to cover my debt. Man. I’ve got to call Mike first though … see what he says.

Shoot, the number isn’t going through right. It rings 8 times then hangs up without anyone picking it up. We have the number in our phone and it worked this morning … something is up on their end … worked ok calling the Horchow people. Oh man this is hard. Ok, washroom and coffee … we can do this 

Ok, had a sandwich … it’s 11:30 … half an hour and we’ll have to do the shower. Was thinking that we had an extra $400 a month coming in from Rich, but the $400 this month needs to go for paying off the $400 I still owe Rich for the car going through the body shop. PLUS, there is going to be another $500 debt toward paying the physical therapy. That should be the month of October’s payment, plus I’ll still owe a $100 into November. At least that will get me paid up with him. I hate being in debt.

Ok, good … we just got ahold of someone named Scott. He said that Mike wasn’t in on the weekend. He knew more than that other lady though. We told him the situation of needing something on the first floor and that we’d prefer a 3 bedroom with laundry. He said they just have laundry in the building. I think that could be worked through as long as it was on the first floor. And, I think it’s going to be critical to have the third bedroom. Fishyman will have to decide, but I think it’s going to be more storage. We can take down our bedroom set in the back and let him put up his. The beds not of great value. I do need a dresser, but we could get another upright and I could share Rich’s bedroom. I think then that we could get by with just his set-up, hmm, maybe he wants his own bed so that mine would be the spare bedroom or the guest bedroom. I’m not sure if he’s got extra dressers coming in with the bed, he might.

The only thing else I know of is a couple of chairs, a table set, and maybe a small rolltop desk. We could give our dresser/desk back to Maury I bet. It would be nice for Ame and or Isa. I don’t know what to do with the extra chairs, maybe they would fit in the second bedroom for now, but the thing is that the desk and table set could be the third bedroom. And, that would be fishyman’s room to use as office or for fishing stuff. I don’t know where else except storage to put other things he might get … there will be closet space, but I don’t have enough for his basement or garage stuff. That would be a problem in an apartment. Maybe we would get a storage room with the apartment. It would have to be a special living room too.

Most often they get smaller to fit in the extra bedroom. I still need a place for
my computer. I’d hate to set it up in the second bedroom out of circulation and away from decent lighting. If we were on the first floor, I suppose we’ll lose concept of a balcony, I’m not sure if we’d at least get a balcony.

Scott said that they might have something coming up, he’d have to check. He asked me when our lease expires and we told him the end of October, but I think that is something they could be flexible with. The guy knew of us though as a good long-term tenant. We told him the major problem was that we are on the third floor and we’ve been diagnosed with arthritis in our knees and spine. He said he understood.

We emphasized not wanting to lose them as landlords. So, I had the feeling if anything could be done it would be done. Just have to go know with a little blind luck. I don’t know if he has another apartment suitable to our needs. He said that Mike would call back during the week. I wish I didn’t seem so panicked but there is a lot gone into the care of our apartment.

The one other thing then that would important is Rich getting up on some of the walls his stuff. I could imagine for a little extra room in the living room, we could place the bookshelves in the second bedroom. This table goes with the computer. There’s no question of the couch remaining the same, and the rocking chair … I need that for my bed. I won’t get rid of the treadle machine or tea cart, and I would like to keep the rolltop filing cabinet – those are all “MY antiques” – two of which come from grandparents. Anything else could go. There’s a lot of clothes that could be thrown packed away in the boxes. I know the pictures that are important to me are the map over the couch, and the apple tree that could stay in the second bedroom. I could put a wall together of my kids in there too, and then the rest of the house could be rich’s with his maps or whatever else he might have.

I’m not so partial to the calendars hanging in the kitchen they could come or go.

The shelve in the kitchen could go to a washroom – or anywhere – it’s a tall wicker. Curtains – I would hope we could make room for. I don’t think Rich is getting any.

Yes, I think we could do it with a third bedroom … living room has to be big enough for couches, recliner could go to Rich’s bedroom – we could share and then maybe his two chairs could be added to the living room. Sigh … ok, we’ve just moved. Hehehe … that’s about all I want to do with it. I think the extra bedroom is important to keep just because of his kids might know about me in a year and then they might stay. Better not make it seem TOO me. hehehe don’t want to upset there. Ok, ok … shhhh. Now anything else? Just need to be a third room for Rich … I think he’ll buy that … and probably too the sharing of bedroom. I wouldn’t snore with the CPap machine as long as I was sitting up and not tilted. I think too we have an abundance of TV’s I think we could have one each in the living room and two of the bedrooms. Rich doesn’t really use the one in his room, so maybe delegate it the spare bedroom that might be used by guest, and in the third room – his play room so that he can watch fishy shows while doing whatever he wants to on that back table.

I’d like to imagine we’ll still get a kitchen “dining” room for us to share coffee while he’s warming up his laptop.

Damm are we a little obsessive? Hehehe. Ok, let’s be moving on … wrap-up? The house got picked up – at least the parts I use, the bills got either paid or “looked at.” We theoretically moved our home, we certainly have written and we’re now off to a shower so we can visit son and grandchildren. I think we’re doing pretty good, right? Ok, ok you 12:12 … your late! Get a move on … maybe then you can squeeze in a few moments. K?

Ok, good good …

We’ve got about a half hour left. I am going to stop by the currency exchange … YES! That’s what they’re called. I think it’s open 24/7, but we’ll see. I’d feel much better getting that sticker taken care of. I hope they are able to do that.

Ok, where do we want to go with this last bit? Music is still good and now we’re on our last cup of coffee … whoa! As if we need that! Anyway …

We could get into the packing of things, but we’ll save that. I suppose there is one item not barely touched. We referred to it with the paper in the wheelchair, but it is our weight. If we could get our finances straight, we could get this straight too.

Dr. Marvin said not to make big plans just day to day ones. It seems we do better when we talk to each other first. That is the we’s inside us. We had a bowl of cereal today, an orange, a sandwich and an apple, not bad so far. We have to make a commitment now to one serving at Maury’s … he’s pretty good about that – giving out the proper amounts. We have to tell him in advance though to please not put out or tell us of any desserts. Because we need to work this control thing carefully. Ok, girls. What happens he has a dessert that is obviously sitting on the counter and our grandchildren are begggggging for it. What then?

Hmm, maybe we could just say, “No thanks?” No thanks, and I mean that. Really, really no thanks we don’t need that. At the bottom of our stack of bills there was one larger envelope. We didn’t really know about it it was placed a long time ago, but inside was a copy of our insurance policy directly on bariatric surgery. I have to admit somewhere in here we are considering it. But, it would need to go with other kinds of support. And, our insurance company says that’s part of the whole plan. I didn’t read it carefully, but I think I would like to talk it over with Maury and see what he says.

We talked to him on the way home the other night. I can’t help but say there’s never a day gone by where I haven’t loved and respected him that much more the next day. He’s got a good head on his shoulders, but we were going through with him this impulse thing that I seem to have given him and that which is causing him great credit card strain. He spends and thinks about money like we do. He understands our impulsiveness … the hard way. I know that Rich is going to say absolutely not!

But, then I have to say is it Rich’s decision or mine? I know he is my best
support. I know that Sister isn’t for it, but then again it’s my life that is being jeopardized. I’m pretty sure we qualify as to weight and they say you have to have 2 of about 6 or 7 things. We have the diabetes and the sleep apnea. And, then later they mention having arthritis. I think I’m a good candidate. We’d have to go carefully around some of the other stuff like mental balance, or the ability to stick with it after we started. I see how Holly cheats. My understanding is that she’s probably overeating after having had the band surgery and is probably throwing up what doesn’t sit.

I need to think of food differently and I need it to be a lifelong thing, because whatever it is that we have here, it’s not going away. I don’t know if I would tell Sr. and I certainly wouldn’t to tell my peers, but Holly would see it. I would have to hide eating … just this week we are going into staff appreciation. We get Friday off … or at least we can come in late because there won’t be clients. And, then we go through a short prayer service, something with a lecturer and then we get to eat out somewhere, I’m not sure yet where. We haven’t been connected yet enough to be asking.

I think with the surgery … you have to go through some program first for like 6 months to show you can follow a program. I know that they do this at the University so there they have a record of me trying other programs. I think they have a record of the first time I went in for diet help. I don’t know what Dr. Marvin would say except that is pretty severe. He would have to give an appraisal of the situation too. We’ll talk more in-depth about it later. I would want to have the more severe one … I don’t know how they do it, but something more permanent than the band. I think at this point of time, I am ready to let go of the whole food thing along with the concept of having money. I would like to live a cleaner and simpler life. I just don’t use money, except at the Dr.’s and for the gas. I think those are really the only legitimate uses of it.

We’ll see … maybe Joe will be there too and we can talk all around. I respect Joe for different things. If I were to go forward with it I would want both of their support. Rich would come along after he got done being mad. As much as I don’t want to be a problem to him, my weight is as much a problem we might have to move and I keep getting more and unhealthier. This whole thing just isn’t the way it should have to be. But, this has got to be about as far as we can go in one day.

It’s 8 minutes to 1 pm and it’s about time to go … we’re going to go on for just a few though … mostly we are going for a record stretch. 25 pages single spaced all before 1 pm WITH NO PICTUES! Yep, yep … just a couple of lines away.

Why don’t we try a little wrap up of the writing itself and the thoughts that have occurred to us at a flooding speed this morning. I like being able to do this … for the record … more than about … well anything I do on my own … we’re not going to include being with mushy face or the boys. Wow … just thinking what an incredible life defining moment this really is or at least the starting process. It would somehow then mean reassuring those that I love most dearly that we’re going to be around for a while and that me and they are more important than all the food I could ever eat. I’d go through a process so I could be prepared as it is coming day by day … but wouldn’t that be something!

Oh man ... just finished inserting the spaces ... I wanted to say one last thing. We talked to Joe a couple weeks ago ... maybe if things work out we'd be going to church with him. I think that more than everything says that I'm getting ready to go toward big life changes. That would be the most life defining ... to let in God ... so it would be letting go of money problems and weight and letting God in. We're still going to work with Rich on the exercising, but in general I think this is becoming pretty important stuff ... Ok, ok ... back to the good stuff ... Going visiting!!!!!

Bye!

posted by Ann Marie @ 9/29/2007 12:57:00 PM Comments: 2