Ayn's Multiple World

We're doing pretty good on our own ... at least got a few things done, right?

Good morning … this is me … I think I should get my medicine and coffee first though … we just finished reading the lite news … not much there. Ok … quit using so much dots. Hmm, love get the coffee please? Yes Maam.

Ahh, that’s the way … we had cereal too. We’re trying Rich’s rice cereal with strawberries. It was fine … no real taste though and only like 4 dried strawberry bits. That will take care of our consumer news of the day ;)

So … it’s about 8 am now and we’re about ready to start. We had tried to stay up later to get Rich’s phone call. I don’t know what time it came in … maybe only about 9 pm, but we were so zonked we didn’t recognize much of what he was saying and then in a few moments the phone went dead because I hadn’t charged it recently. I thought of calling him again this morning, but it would be too late after the phone charged, and I’m against calling any fishy person when he’s out having his day in the sun. Last thing I’d want is for his fishy friends to be in the car with him and tease him for being checked on by a girl. Yeeks that sounds scarier just thinking about it.

Our big thought of the morning seems to still be that we got to meet Bob. Wow. It only took 14 years! We’ve been fussing over the thought of giving him the blog, but our reasonable thoughts are this morning that Rich might and probably wouldn’t appreciate it. I also don’t think he’d be overly excited to read sooooo much writing where a lot of it is just silly stuff, or things like work where he wouldn’t be interested. Hehehe he could catch up on the many times we make love. But, that wouldn’t be something again that Sweetie might not appreciate. I think Sweetie and I run on opposite ends of the spectrum as to his privacy and my lack of privacy or decorum. Not sure where Bob runs, but I’m thinking more toward my end than Rich’s.

He’s kind of an up-front kind of guy I think.

One thing for sure if Rich opened the place to having someone come over … specifically Bob, then we were going to need making sure that we are dressed and the desk is cleared. Rich says Bob’s place is a lot messier than ours, but that wouldn’t make me feel better if our place was way out of sync. I would have to learn about keeping our clothes put in the bedroom and not draped over that one space on the couch. AND, we would have to keep the dishwasher going with moving around the clean and dirty dishes. We have a habit of stacking them on the counter. That be no good. I think Rich would be embarrassed if his best buddy came over and there was a bra lying over the monitor. Hehehe ok, that doesn’t happen all the time, but sometimes it had. Just us being goofy. I know he gets embarrassed by some of the things we do and that’s even without someone coming over. Our boys know enough about us that they would never stop in without calling first. And, at that … I think it maybe has been a year since they have been over. Pretty much since Isa has been born they figured it was too much. There were just too many places she could get into that wouldn’t be a good idea … like cords, kitty litter and kitty food.

Hmm, think we’d have to start putting away our sleeping blanket too and the mask. I don’t know if Bob is going to understand all the physical and mental problems that we have. I feel bad about that and wonder sometimes too why Rich picked us out with so many problems. Granted we’ve gained many of them since knowing him, but still it doesn’t seem fair and it kind of portraits Rich as being a savior type person helping the disabled. That sort of seems to fit his general MO working with disabled people. I don’t know about that. We haven’t really explored the parts of Rich where he seems born to taking care of others. Maybe part of that was losing his father so early on … I believe about 7 years old. Maybe he grew up with a sense of taking care of his mother and younger brother. I just haven’t really explored that part of Rich’s nature that is so much a caretaker. I can only appreciate the part that Rich let’s us take care of him. Not as much the practical stuff, but the emotional part. This is the part where we ogle and massage and listen to everything that is important to him. I don’t know why this is so easy for us, but we can say that he fascinates the dickens out of us.

Hmm, that’s an odd thought. We all of a sudden stopped for a second and tuned in on the sounds of the birds and how loud and clear they are. We turned off the AC last night and are now appreciating the sounds of morning. It gives me the Robinson Crusoe feeling of being in a tree top listening to the sounds of nature around me.

AHA … that seems to fit in with the part of us that knows that it would be a good idea to be going to the zoo this weekend. We’ll see … there is a lot to do with not much time to do it. We really have to be spending time on pulling together the annual report. Let’s see where the writing gets us though first. I have a sense that we need to be doing some catching up here although at this very second, we don’t know where we are going and what it is that we’ve left out. We’ll see.

Hehehe … just caught the attention of someone’s kitty. She was lying between us and the balcony. I think I’m not the only one that appreciates the nature’s sounds.

Good girl. She was sure looking relaxed. That’s my baby. She seems to be the kitty that stays out with me more in the morning … this is the time for Chief where he takes over the back part of the house. He likes to lie on the back bedroom bed.

*sigh* Life is being pretty peaceful this morning.

Ok, ok … are we done lollygagging? Where is it that we want to go this morning?

Shouldn’t we set up some kind of direction? Hmm, that seems hard. Whoops kitty
needs some attention now. Ahh … a little petting and then she’s back to listening to the birds. I think it must be like music to her ears to be hearing the same sounds we are being so attracted too. Good girl.

Ok, big deep breathe … where do we want to go here next? Hmm?

AHA! Just read over the couple of pages we’ve written … seems like a nice relaxed space of time. I have this storm’s coming in sense though that there is stuff we would like to be talking about, though we have no clue as to this moment of what it is we are going to want to say. I suppose we could do some checks? Like where are we with …?

Ok, if that is to be the case … let’s start with Sweetie Pie. First thought is that we are ok at this point with him being gone. There is a little sense of us being on vacation too. There are different sets of feelings we have when we are here alone with time to be in our own mind that is different when he is here. When Rich is here, we are willing and able to give up on anywhere very personal we are to be with him. This goes to the point of being up before him and showered so we can wake him up with the smooching and rubbing. When he is here there is no sense that absolutely anything is more important. We like to catch him also getting dressed and thinking through his day usually with a cup of coffee and computer. After he wakes up he gets very organized and it seems that everything he is doing is very important. I know when he is starting to get overwhelmed, because he has a habit of straightening that up by making lists of things he has to do. That helps his mind balance itself. Then he just has to worry about the next thing on the list – oh and sometimes he skips around on the list – and taking care of the many phone calls. He gets so many calls it’s really unbelievable.

We think that Sweetie Pie is thinking about being fishing if he isn’t already. I think they probably drove a long time last night, but got up early so that they get to the camp soon. I think the thought was to be already fishing by this morning. I should have asked when are they going to get there. He thought that his phone would be out of range so I’m not sure how often or when we are going to hear from him next. I know by pattern that after a bit, it is going to be harder for us to wait for him to get back. So far though … we’re ok. It is really amazing the difference in having met Bob and letting go of the two of them together. This was going to be a different trip in that … Bob and Rich were actually going to be fishing together with their guide. Over the last several years Rich has been not fishing with Bob, because Bob’s son was with them and they fished together, while Rich went out with his other friend Doug. I think it will be a very good thing for him, but hehehe he will probably complain a bit about being with Bob and his grumbly self. *Gigglin* I think Bob likes to take over and order Rich about. I saw a little bit of that when we were at the drug store that first meeting. Bob was very pointed in making sure Rich had done such and such.

I think there will be a little more lateralizing in that there will be a fishing guide there and to some extent without Bob being in control of the boat … things might be a little more fair between them. I think Sweetie sometimes gets frustrated with being a back seater and always getting the second best fishing spots. Usually, the one in charge of the boat designates that and where they are going to be fishing. It’s the kinder ones that ask the opinion of others as to where they would like to fish. I think sometimes its like there just isn’t enough time for the fishymen to be out on the water – remember the kid like nature here – so the steererer takes the opts he has to go to only some of the places he really wants to try. There is something here too about the competitive nature of guys and the part where the guy with the bigger marbles gets to make more of the decisions. It’s when you get to girl groups that there is more even consensus – or, at least attempts to be fair to the whole group and individuals within it. That’s in theory at least … I know at work I get frustrated at the speed others make decisions so I tend to be more aggressive with our choices. We are a big fish on a little pond. Heheh that’s lead by an ALLIGATOR! Ok, you … be nice!

Whoops pass-through kitty. She’s into some soft meowing. I think she’s concerned about what’s going on out there in the bird world. For the record I have been slightly aware, but now this morning sure that the cicadas have left us … at least this end of the city. We will have to check out the zoo to get a feel for if they are gone entirely. It will be different to go there without their deafening calls.

A regular love factory that it was. I did like how they drowned out the sound of people and crabby kids. I don’t blame the kids though … if the kids are overly hungry, hurting, or tired, the family should leave the park and come again another time. Shoot … aren’t they buying season passes? They should be to the zoo more often so that the kids get used to the grounds and more comfortable about filling their needs prior to getting there. And, reasonably too … if a parent sees a slurpee cup painted on the building or a fudgicle … chances are that the kids are seeing it too and won’t be as happy with that apple tucked away in the parents’ bag. Sheese! What’s up with that? Don’t they remember being a kid? Nothing wrong with a barter … you eat our packed lunch and you can get any dessert you want! Also … it’s a lot to keep walking your kids … you got to let them go a bit to explore.

That means that if you have a 3 year old let them walk ahead of you … I know you got to keep them in view, but I just don’t see the point of those child harnesses.

YEEKS! For the record … I also see advantage to getting the wagons … that way the kid has a choice of whether to walk or ride. Just gotta imagine even with all that energy … they have short little legs and the zoo is a very big place. Just mostly a matter of thinking ahead as to what their needs will be.

Same with big people and getting back to bunny love … I’m happy to see that he’s very responsible in meeting his own needs. And, we’re talking even more than about the Jack Daniels he has stashed away. Hehehe I SAW THAT! Well, actually I saw it because he told me about it. It was funny on meeting Bob … he told me that he’s not that kind of a drinker … he is into beer. Ok, that’s something we had to know. It means to me that we should have a 12 pack of his beer always loaded in the fridge.

AND, we can’t be drinking it before he gets here! Me and us? We’re still light drinkers, but have a few favorites and don’t mind an occasional Miller Lite. WOOHOO!

Hmm, maybe in about an hour, we should think of getting the place in order. I would
like to think of us keeping it more up to line now. I know that it was just last week that we’d cleaned up for Rich, but it seems to take on some stress during the week. Not yet though.

I don’t really want to talk much of work. Most of it was trying to avoid work. I made progress on the client surveys and they took a couple days longer to do than they should have and they still aren’t done and there’s all the other reports to finish as well. I’m just having a hardship with all that … because we weren’t “into” work. I think we were having problems adjusting to fishyman being out and the fact that we had to work a Monday AND because we were having computer problems. AND, at that we have to wait a couple of weeks for the computer to get here and set up.

That was a pretty big deal of the week. I may have mentioned the part of Sister asking us do we NEED a second monitor and us saying No, we just WANTED another monitor, because it was how we use the computer best. She had made some comments of other places not having it as good as she had it here and hoping that I appreciated it. I told her I did and it did make a difference. Most of the calls went through the secretary at our computer company, Unique. I am guessing that we’ll be charged even for contacting them. It’s like that. I was satisfied with the computer and I was happy that Sister went with the better end. I had explained that Unique’s estimate was just taking the lowest elements of the lowest computer. They thought they’d get some points for costing so little? I don’t know … I came in at our estimate as not spending any more money than we had four years ago, so that let go of some of the angst.

Thinking group went ok … we saw a half hour movie and then asked questions about it at the end. We’re still into our summer movie flicks. Well … actually they are more substantial … we’re seeing the National Geographic DVDs. This last one was on Native Americans and it seemed to hold their interest. Some of them tuned out and took naps, but that’s ok too. The point was that we are doing something different then all our talking meetings. We’ll get back to some form of that closer to the September. I like to think that this is a good break for the clients AND us.

We spent more time getting to know the new clients. There are two – one of which is mine. My client has been placed in Group I and is actually a sweet heart although he’s teased a little in getting to know the Chief head honchos of the group. We’ve gone through all that and it wasn’t a big deal. On Thursday, we helped out with the front end, and since the auditors were there, we chose to sit in Group I rather than at the secretaries filled up desk. It gave us a chance to see how the new client interacts with others. He told me this very well-rounded and detailed story of his father being in the hospital. I thought, WOW! This guy is smart! He has a quiet voice and is sometimes aloof, but in the general throw of the dice he seems to appreciate our interest in him and should be doing well. I think already he has in mind that he would like to work out in the community.

There was a little flare-up in the lunchroom when I’d gotten there for watching the lunch group. One of our more talkative and bossy clients had been complaining … ladadadada about him. And, so we just turned to him to let him speak and I could tell he was confused by what the girl was going on about. So, I calmed her and we talked a moment about it was just that the others wanted to get to know him, and they didn’t know how to do it. After that the client for the first time walked over to the group who was dancing and stood within their circle. I was very proud of him for doing that. Before he’d be on the way outside and feeling estranged. When I’d gone into his group and it was about time for us to leave, we had been emphasizing that if he had problems he could come and visit us. But, then it was apparent that he didn’t know where our office was, so he accepted the invitation to come visit that end of the building. He seemed comfortable and excited to be seeing the new things. And, I hope he comes to me when he needs it rather than acting out so much. I think he’s going to though be a sweetie. I like him!

The other new client is a female with some physical impediments and broken speech.

She is in the third group and makes herself real well known. She likes to talk and think and plan. I was worried about her during the first few meetings, because she seemed to drown out the others who wanted to speak, but I learned if I just sat down and spend some time with her, then she would be willing to listen to the others too. She is also very likable, although she’s the other Q’s client. Unfortunately, I walked into the lunch room on Friday and the other Q had the first 15 minutes of lunch … I could see the poor face of the new client. Holly was giving her orders on how to eat, etc. It was oh man … how could she do that to the poor girl. She was just exhibiting her authority and it was a terrible thing to see. I thought she treated the new client as less than a person and that always makes me angry. We made sure to calm her down after the other Q left. That is when we’d gone in the back and seen the problem with our other clients. We checked out the rest of the room, restored it to some order, and got some music going to help relax them. The other Q seems sometimes to be going down worse hills. No more on that though. I don’t want to spend my time complaining.

I think that finishes up where we are at with work at this point. As to Dr. Marvin? I think we spent the first half telling him how things we’re going and then we spent the second half talking about the binge eating disorder and all that went with that. I don’t recall where we were with it when we ended. I did pick up and read a few pages of one of the new books before falling asleep last night. I think it should be good. I really can’t remember what was said in Dr. Marvin’s office. I think there were natural regressions, but I’m not sure why or where … oh yeah, remember something … we were worrying about whether or not we were safe, because one of the parts was thinking destructively. We remember also Dr. Marvin saying that his office was a good place to feel and think through those thoughts and expressions. I think there are problems though in opening those doors and being able to contain them to that spot. We told Rich later about having those kinds of experiences and he was for listening to the doctor, but it still left us with feelings of being afraid.

I suppose those are the types of feelings he wants to work through. Intellectually, we can say ok … I see and we’ll accept, but there are other parts fighting not to go there. We need though to focus on not acting the negative stuff out. Especially, when our friend is gone making things a little more vulnerable to us. I think a good rule of thumb here is that we stay at home unless out specifically to walk, go to work, pick up fruit, etc. Beside the new clothes … we should also focus on not spending money – including not going out to eat. We have a special meeting with Dr. Marvin on Monday morning at 7:30 am just to 8:00 am, which had to do with safety issues. He said too that we could write or call and talk to a psychiatrist on call, but we don’t want to be that close to acting things out to get to those feelings.

I’d rather stay on the intellectual side of things til we see him next. It was an extra special nice feeling to get the extra appointment … It was like ok, we can concentrate only as to making it this far.

Ok, that’s good as that has to be … there was some activity with school. We haven’t gotten to the part of talking to our counselor as to closing things up. But, we know we need to do that very soon. We did get official notification of our funding stopping with status to level 3 which means we have to talk to them before getting refunded with some verification of not going down again. We know that we have made it very difficult for ourselves, but we did get credit for that one course there was a paper due. It ended up being a B for the class. I really appreciate Dr. Kostere for that. She went the extra distance with us. I wish there were a way to keep my status open so that I could use the school library, but I don’t think that is going to happen. I also know I have a responsibility to soon be paying for school. They said it was 6 months, but I don’t know if they will go back to April. We really have to check that out with the school people. One last development was that Sweetie Pie and us ordered the two grant books before he left. So, they should be in by Thursday I think. That will be good and extra motivation for us to get some of this other reading done.

We’ve been falling through in our idea of reading at night … usually because Rich is home, or we are overly tired. And, at that, we’ve been doing a lot of falling asleep at work. We will be reading or writing something and then we’ll just doze off. And, then we’ll be startled awake and seem to be doing fine, but we’ll doze off again. I don’t know if it has to do with our sleep apnea or whether, we’re just tired and not enough caffeine, or whether it is due to parts closing us down. It will be a topic we should talk to Dr. Marvin about, but I’m thinking more and more that we have to make a doctor appointment again. We’re not so happy about that.

Hopefully, we’ll still have our old notes that will help us figure out what all problems we are having. It’s always a list and very hard for us to put together.

One of the more worrisome things is the hair loss. On our better days we blame this for not getting enough hair cuts to promote growth, and on the otherside we’re sure we’re going to die early of cancer or something. I know that hair loss is usually about radiation, but I thought I’d read somewhere that it is a sign …

Hmm, just been over reading about it … enough to be getting scary. There is usually some kind of problem and it seems that it has to be specially diagnosed. By that I mean it could lead down many paths and will take some exploring … I doubt unless there was a biopsy done that they are going to figure it out any time soon. They did not talk about not getting a hair cut as a cause. They did talk about hair as a diffuse thinning on the top of the scalp which is different from the cue ball type balding by men. I think my grandmother on my father’s side had thinning hair. But, they don’t talk about women as having hereditary factors as much as men. Probably something I’m going to have to have checked out. I don’t know if Dr. Albright will be able to remember a change from a year or so ago to now. I’m just grateful she remembers who we are. Ok, Point 1 … make a doctor appointment on Monday. We’ll skip the part of figuring out what else is wrong with us?

Hmm, looked at the last list … It looks like we had last gone to the doctor at the end of October … so that was about 8 months ago or ¾ a year. That’s not as bad.

Again … we’ll have to check on appointments and start up with all that again. We’d forgotten the long list of all those appointments being made. We’ll have to get back to a dental schedule too. I think though that we were there last in March, so we have some time there. Maybe about September or a little after as to when all the school kids are through. Ok, nuf of that … let’s go on.

Did you notice how we worked our way out of the talk from Dr. Marvin’s … We are trying to avoid some negative thinking … and we’re going to try it again … next?

Hmm we’ve been somewhere … ok we’re back … checked through the Internet news and some pictures of people in bands now and then. I like to see how people progress and change through time. Some was good and hehehe well if you’re a guy whose in his 50’s still wearing eye shadow and mascara … there might be something wrong. I think we found that on the way of turning on the XM radio. We turned on love songs which of course made us think of Sweetie Pie. He called about 10 pm last night we found and again this morning about 8:30 am. We left a message on his phone saying that we are recharged now. We’ll get used to that at some point, but there doesn’t seem to be much warning … If I leave it plugged in over night then I can’t hear if any message gets through. It seems the phone turns itself off when recharging. It’ll be ok, shhhh shhhh… He’ll call again. Hopefully by tonight IF he can get through.

Ok, Love? Shhh It’ll be ok.

Ok, let’s move on. It’s about quarter after 11 am and we just had an orange. Think that will be ok for a while. Not sure what’s for lunch. Probably should be something lite, like the oatmeal, but its harder eating it at home. Rich left in the freezer plenty of dinners, but should we save them for dinner, or eat them for lunch and get another dinner? I was just thinking that if we ate them for lunch we could treat ourselves to Mr. Sub Sandwichs for dinner. That would get us out of the house, right? I know … we should get to the zoo too. Let’s go back into the way far ago planning where we were at the zoo by 3 pm? Hmm? Means having a shower by 1:30 pm. Can we try that? Ok, put it out there at least that gives us another 2 hours to write … and then we could stop for a sandwich afterward. Man o man … we need to get past the point that we gave our fishy friend the camera. That will be an adjustment … we better factor that in carefully. What will we do when we normally would take a picture. Could we write a picture? We’ve got the clipboard that we could slide into the backpack. Hmm, I wonder … we still have a camera in the phone, hmm? Would that work?

Hmm, just looking at that camera … I still don’t know how to get pictures out of there … it says G4 error when I try. Anyone know what that means? It’s bulkier carrying something to write on … maybe we could rest the clipboard though on top of the chair and then we could pick it up as we sat down … that would work, right?

Hmm, another thing … we haven’t ordered the clothes yet. Let’s take one more look at all that, k? Should be ok. Oh, and we want to call Joe … Let’s try that. Ok, good … we left a message and invited his brother Thom as well. I suppose if that were to be the case it would be nice of us to invite Bob too. That is the boys step-brother who is living with them. I sure hope all that is working out. Ok, we’ll let that go for a bit. Ok, now … the catalogue, k?

Yeeks … I forgot to ask for the total … man-o-man didn’t know how that happen, but it doesn’t help when every item you pick they ask if you want another item … I think I bought only one extra, but probably it wasn’t necessary, but when I’d seen it the first time I had trouble choosing between the two … We shopped at two stores … ok, here’s the bottom line … we spent $355.83. Pshwoo … now we gotta figure out what we did. Let’s start with the Roamans catalogue

Item #1 – pg. 8 - Pointelle tunic cocoa 537-01731-670 4x $24.99 (pointelle is a combination of crochet and lace. It will our fanciest shirt and I think it has a tie-die in the cocoa color so not startling … beauty)

Item #2 – pg. 10 – Fleese jacket black 537-34773-670 4x $19.99 (This was the add on item. It’s got a sporty top, snaps and looks real soft.)

Item #3 – pg. 11 – Euro button-front drawstring hood jacket coffee 507-38213-670 4x $19.99 (This is a beauty and has princess seams that gives it the appearance of being a soft suit jacket and because

Item #4 – pg. 11 – Stretch jersey bra tank coffee/white 507-38216-670 4x $15.99 (This is a matching shirt special for the Euro jacket. It’s a little racy being a tank top, but we won’t wear it without the jacket, but is a wonderful jacket for down by the lake or campus museum hehehe)

Item #5 – p. 26 – Kate seersucker mega shirt purple lily stripe 530-62561-670 4x $15.99 (This was another first choice we had a hard time narrowing down the color, we wanted also the chocolate stripe, but didn’t want two of the same stripes … we had to let the second go *sigh*).

Item #6 – p. 30 – Cool cargo style pocket skirt 531-15061-670 stonewash 36W $24.99 (This is the basic of what everything is based on … it’s a sweeping jean skirt that is cut just above the ankles … that’s our style).

Item #7 – p. 32 – Soft denim shorts stonewash 531-03172-670 36W $17.99 (They say I saved $5 here so that’s good with us. This is more formal than our regular shorts for going out. They seem loose at the legs which are cut just above the knee)

Item *8 – p. 65 - canvas oxford sneaker white 536-04487-670 regular 8 ½ $12.99 (these are a clean pair of new cheap sneakers to replace my old raggedy ones, they are by comfortview active what ever that is … just looked casual for the jean stuff).

Ok that’s it of that catalogue … the next one is from Woman within and we’ll call their two catalogues the bigger one and the smaller one. Starting with the smaller, we have …

Item #9 – p. 33 – Only necessities snap-front cobbler apron 3-pack royal foral butterfly, royal dot, denim blue/royal floral 6-54174-706 4x $17.99 (This is because no matter how hard me, the kids and Rich try – we always spill when we’re eating. We figure if we wear an apron it will be more handable. Ok, everyone’s a critic).

Item #10 – p. 51 – fit-and-flare knit dress bright violet 5-34768-706 4x $24.99 (This was a last moment choice, but felt significant as far as wearing new items down at the center).

Item #11 – p. 59 – Carpenter denim jeans by Mainstreet blues light denim 31-39333-706 36W $19.99 (This was another late moment choice because we were by now in a spending mood … this we had wanted on the first trip through – just want the feeling of having a normal pair of jeans).

Next is the big Woman Within catalogue … I know I ordered a lot of items … we are up to

Item #12 – p. 41 – Hush Puppies classic leather walker stone 38-16271-036 8 ½ $64.99 (This item really booted up the price, but we figured we’ve always wanted them and now since we are walking we deserve a good pair of walking shoes. Plus … I loved the color … made me feel like I was an adventurer, and they should work when going out fancier with the coffee jacket).

Item #13 – p. 47 – Silky-soft tricot Capri gown rose (deep pink) 15-03623-036 4x $27.99 (This was an extravagant item, but I wanted to present me to sweetie pie in something more romantic, plus its got the short sleeves I like and down to the floor. If its early enough we can stop out just long enough to water the flowers).

Item #14 – p. 75 – denim skirtall in the denim color 31-43320-036 36w $23.99 (I’m not sure if the guy got the right color … we’ll have to go with providence on this item. This was an original choice in a jean dress to make use of all the colored short sleeve blouses ordered).

Last items …

Item 15 & 16 – Oxford shirts light coral and pink plaid 30-32228-036 & 30-32229 -036 $15.99 (The light coral replaced an out of order sky blue, but the pink plaid made it. These are basic nice blouses along with a pink stripe and that fancy tunic for the skirt and jean dress).

Pshwoo … that’s a lot of shopping … it is now 1:45 pm and we’re just finishing up … need something to eat cuz we’re spacy. Wow to our good fortune Rich remembered our late lunch he got some lunchable stackers ½ dozen crackers, turkey, and cheese WITH two OREO double stuff COOKIES!!! That’s planning!

Oh dear … we weren’t done … we need to add 5 items bringing us up to a total of $450. That will be $200 from Rich and $250 (balance) of the refund we got from Sister for having taken too much out of our dental plan. Better REALLY STOP HERE.

What was added was

One more part to our business attire … we had gotten to the end and figured we didn’t get our sand/khaki color something so we got a pretty special deal on a set …

Item #17 – Internet - Only necessities 7-day knit cardigan jacket -0032-05191-1038 sand 4x $21.99

Item #18 – Internet - Only necessities 7-day knit pants 0026-12849-1038 sand 4x $12.99

Item #19 – Internet - Only necessities 7-day Embroidered knit 7-day tank with floral embroidery sand 4x 0007-42573-1038 $17.99

Item #20 – Internet - Only necessities 7-day knit A-line skirt sand 4x 0025-33438-1038 $17.99

Item #21 – Internet - All American Comfort Oversized Polo 0-007-92558-1305 banana 0007-92558-1305 4x $12.79

This brings our average to about $19.50 per item … WOW … that was some shopping … this is what happens if you don’t go for a couple of years. Warning should have been placed on the top of something.

Ok, here is the condensed run down

Cocoa tunic
Black fleece jacket
Coffee hood jacket
Coffee flowered tank
Purple striped shirt
Stonewash denim shorts
White oxford sneakers
Stonewash cargo pocket skirt
3 set blue cobbler apron
Violet flared dress
Light denim carpenter jeans
Stone leather walking hush puppies
Sexy rose gown
Denim skirtall (jean dress)
Coral shirt
Pink plaid shirt
Sand cardigan jacket
Sand knit pants
Embroidered sand knit tank
Sand A-lined skirt
Banana oversized polo

Hard to get a grip on … let’s try once more

3 jackets
2 dresses
2 pants
2 skirts
1 shorts
4 shirts
2 tanks
1 tunic
1 gown (pjs)
2 shoes
3 aprons

I umm thinking at $450 I went overboard? Again $200 from Rich and $250 from my new found Sr. rebate check. WooHOOO!!! Hoping Rich doesn’t get mad … we really needed clothes. Actually last June we got 3 dresses, but it was then a year or two before that since getting clothes. We got with those dresses two shoes and 3 pajamas.

It’s been a while since we added to the wardrobe. I think Sr. prefers not to be in jean stuff, but she’s going to need coping. Jean stuff gets us past summer into fall and winter. As for shrinking sizes … we’ll have to see. I can wear loose, but will still be wearing same clothes for 35-40 pounds … at the rate I’m going it will take a year to get that far. Gotta be reasonable. Maybe $450 is a pretty frilly shopping trip … I just don’t know how to do it any better. I just see things as fitting together and it became an entire wardrobe! Better get this over to Rich and then get out of the shopping area. K?

I think someone blew off the zoo. It’s just after 3 now and no one is ready to go anywhere. Hmm, that wasn’t a good idea. Hmm, the sand outfit is really nice … everything was made to match and should go well with the tunic and first cocoa tunic. Seems there are two trends … the base colors are the sand/brown and the jean/light colored. I liked also at the end that the hush puppies I’d ordered went well with the sand stuff. That might have been the card that turned the deck.

Still working on trying to conceptualize. The banana polo at the end was a suggestion the store made that worked well. It went well with the sand as a variation and it went well with our collection of 7 other polos. We hadn’t had one that was yellow! Hehehe oh man … we’re so silly. We’ll go barefoot in the pjs.

Dresses are always the most worrisome, because they can fit wrong, but I think we got pretty generically designed simple dresses that should be fine on their own.

The most fun stuff was the jackets. Black, brown, and sand. Usually I don’t put much stock in things that make me warm until I get to the winter season, and usually even then we prefer short sleeves. But, each of them seemed the thing to be considered on the cooler evenings and mornings. The brown one has a hood that makes it look fancy – wide like an extra layer, but mostly because of the lining it looked dressed up. The 7-day collection is beautiful … the popular khaki color and easy going material that is the kind you pack in your suitcase and take around the world. In the back of my mind we’re still playing out the thought that we could one day go on a cruise with our lover bunny. It might take a couple of years, but I think it could happen.

Hmm, thinking I just did a “fisherman woman’s” thing … Is that what we all do the first day they are gone. We go out and buy stuff. Well to be fair this stuff is half my birthday surprise and I think the chosen clothes items are deserving of being a birthday gift. I hope Rich likes the new looks. Now when we choose we’re considering ourselves walking to the museum or beach with him. We want to match what we see as his sense of class. It’s hard to do that at our weight, but we’re thinking in that direction.

Hmm, we got to think of something different we’ve been on clothes for quite a while. I wish I had taken my shower earlier so I could have gone out to walk … Rich didn’t like that we walked in the forest preserves by ourselves. We couldn’t leave here by four and then it would be going out wet-headed and for a walk less than 2 hours. No that would work. We’re in no mood to work on work … that is going to be a problem. Thinking maybe that we could read for a while? I like the idea of writing, but I don’t want to push my luck that someone is still reading after all that talk of clothes. I wish I could show a picture of everything, but most in the paper catalogue. I’m wondering if I shouldn’t have an orange or something … too early for dinner. Hmm, maybe we could read outside a little? That be nice!

Hmm, that put us directly in the sun … maybe we’ll choose that again later after its gone overhead … this is the worse time of the day to be out there. But, so far, we’re doing it without the air … hmm, pretty good. So, we found our book that we’ll eat after trying the grapefruit. That will help spread out the day.

Hmm, remember this for later … my BMI is 52 and Rich’s is 38 … so I am 27% worse off than he is … he might be having sympathy pains? Ok, girl calm down … we’re just going through this, k? Hmm, to be even considered healthy I have to lose half of my BMI. Basically I have to lose 58% of me to be at the right weight for me.

Ok, it’s me again … the time s now 6 pm. We’ve read about 80 pages of the book on binging and there are about 260 pages left so we are about 30% through the book. I feel like I am learning, but there are some things that my mind questions that aren’t being answered. Like if you tell me that guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, obsessions etc. often accompany the acts of binging then what are you telling me that is new. It seems there is this feral personality or sets of personalities to which so many of the big breaks fall. These people feel the lowest esteem are most likely to fail, and most likely to use abuseful substances and most likely not to be loved, and etc. etc. I’m one of those people that fall into this category … It’s hard to limit myself to a small group of problems. They are all part of the same thing. Basically, I was unloved, uncared for and neglected. The messages sunk in so that I grew up thinking that I was unworthy of being anyone. I feel bad for being here in existence taking up space. Ok, ok shhhhh … that’s enough of all that!

Wouldn’t you like to consider that a little negative? Well, yes the first part was true. We didn’t get the right breaks, but then there is that other part that says glass half full? We came out of it with 3 great kids and a special friend that we find attractive to no end. AND, we are a good person because we can be on our own when all those people are out. It doesn’t mean that they don’t love us, it means they are somewhere else for the time being.

We can work toward our own sanity, by doing the things that we know are good for us. Whether Rich tells us these things or whether we come up with it ourselves we know we have to work on giving ourselves the most positive advantages as we can.

This means like doing dinner at home as planned, relaxing a bit, and at the same time furthering our imminent sense of progress. We can feel it if we aren’t critical of ourselves. We need to be more critical of the situation we grew up with, but since those people are no longer valid parts of our life, we have to be conscious of the effect those kind of relationships had on us and how we are still living in their shadows. Like low self-esteem. I had felt much better about ourselves during the beginning of the week. Toward the end of the week as we weren’t meeting our deadlines, I felt worse.

The situation was made more difficult in that we stopped working toward the projects that were going to become due. And, then we get to now … we have competing projects that are running in each other’s way. Like it is very important for me to take care of my writing. It is also important to be doing the writing, but then what becomes of the importance of exercising, getting the annual report in, or in keeping up with the house. We’ve got 2 of the 5 in process, but that means managing our time to catch up with the others too. Maybe we could say here something about balance or moderation? I like the term balance better. How do I balance the others? Maybe we could do some writing in the morning, but cut off at a certain time or space to be doing that work assignment? Or we could break that up with cleaning, finish up the writing and end the night with good reading. Hmm? Top of the line stuff too is getting to bed on time … We want swishy face to call, but if he’s going to be late, we can only do our best in trying to respond to him out of our sleep. I want to be in bed by 9 pm. Does that seem reasonable to getting up earlier? Hmm? Dinner ready?

Ahh that was good! It was our favorite frozen dinner and Rich knows it. He’s trying to get us to not become too inflexible by changing it up, but if we had a choice it would be noodles, tomato sauce, hamburger and vegetables. We’re just like that. Probably too many hamburger helper meals as a kid. I hope that company went bankrupt! Serve them right… Ok, maybe that and Franco American Spaghetti and spaghettios … those were a pretty big deal for us too. They were considered survival food. Why, because if no one is feeding you it’s a good place to go!

Umm, let’s not psychoanalyze that, k? Hmm, if Rich were here he’d be reminding me to take our medicine … that might be a good idea … and you know what else? Umm, we DIDN’T take a shower yet. AND, now getting in from the hot outside, we could see an improvement being made there. Hmm? Safe to do it now that its half hour after the zoo closing. Hmm?? It seems like we need to work at getting to all our goals at the same time. How about if we balance some of tonight’s reading with some house work? Hmm, crazier things have happened? You know what FlyLady says about evening routines? See some definite hot spots. Let’s look around. Can you see the bottom of the desk? No… ? How bout that? Hmm??

Someone sure is hmming me a lot. Why don’t we work toward clothes to the bedroom – TO BE WASHED tomorrow, and living room straightened as well as kitchen and dishes going in the washer. We should get garbage ready to go down too. We saw flies in the house today, hmm? AND, who promised Rich we’d water flowers? Ok, Ok … I’m going!

Ok, got that far … most of computer table cleaned up and dishes mostly in the dishwasher. It was about then the back gave up. Timer? 15 min!

Ok, got a little farther. Clothes put away, dishwasher started, kitchen counter and table clean. Just have to do a few minutes of straightening in the living room and then go take a shower. It’s now 7 pm. Oh, and the flowers are watered! Is there anything else? Hmm. Clothes tomorrow to laundry and we should take a load of towels … I don’t think Rich’s colored and white are so high, because he had them done before packing. We’ve made it the day on no air, but we’re thinking that we might want it? I don’t know let’s see what happens after the shower. Maybe just shut the front drapes and close off the sun. Rich would say for our privacy that is a good idea anyway. Hmm, we should probably close this up soon? Naw … we can wait until tomorrow … Don’t know when we would like to add a sentence. Yes, we are this narcotic. 

Trying to think if there is anything else. I guess, we could put some of the clothes in bags, that might help tomorrow. Hmm? Could probably bring the clothes in tonight, but I’d have to get dressed? That would be not good, hmm? Umm, that will wait. We should get some fruit while we’re out too. I think we’ll have our grapefruit after the shower? Yes, I like it more as a bedtime snack.

Pshwoo … everything almost in order … we showered, etc. Thinking NOW we get the grapefruit, right? Yes, I suppose better not to eat food too late at night and before we get back into the book. Ok, now would be a good time dear 

Hmm, we’re inching our way through it … possibly a little over conscious that we don’t have anyone to talk to and its been a day and a half. Probably a real good idea going to the zoo just to see people even if its hard for us. Ok, lets review the plan … reading and then bed, and tomorrow wake early and do SOME writing, but then get out the work for the day, shower by 1:30 pm, go to the zoo, go to the laundry, and go to the fruit store. OH and gas station. We’re on empty. Gas, fruit, hmm when does clothes open? And then if not zoo. Hmm, I gotta find the number … that’s the way it always happens. Programmed it on our old phone, but need it now. Hmm, got it … it’s opened from 7 pm to 11 pm. I could go tonight, but that means getting dressed … really against that idea. Better to go after the zoo tomorrow, but maybe put off the zoo until 4:30 pm. I understand that its opened until 7:30 pm on Sundays. That will put me in time for the laundry. How about gas and fruit? We don’t want the fruit waiting in the car. Maybe we can get some tomorrow morning and do the stairs twice? Hmm, that’s an idea isn’t it? We have enough for tomorrow, but not enough for Monday. Hmm. At a conundrum. What are the chances of going out tomorrow morning and not getting donuts? Hmm? Or, breakfast.

That be nice hmm? Maybe up early, write … get some gas, breakfast, fruit between 8 am and 9 am? Maybe go for breakfast at 7:00-7:30 and beat the church people. Ok, so far so cool. NOW … lets get on with some reading, k?? Shoo!

posted by Ann Marie @ 7/01/2007 03:26:00 AM Comments: 0