Ayn's Multiple World

A good Saturday ... Just wish I could have 10 of them a week ... *sigh*

Ahhh. Good morning. It’s me … it’s Saturday morning and about 8:30 am and we’re just sitting down to type. We have been up for almost an hour, but fooling around on the computer looking at videos and news. Sweetie Pie wasn’t expected in before about 11:30 pm last night, so I had gone to bed and now he’s really sleepin in.

Hehehe he left a message not to wake him. WOOHOO!! Sleepy Bunny! Before we sat down we put dishes in the dishwasher, cleaned off our computer table … took care of a kitty surprise and took our medicine. So we figure we’re here until Sweet pie is up. Hmm, we also turned on the AC because its felt really humid and had rained adding to a muggy feel. We’ve also got a coffee and a kitty in front of us and the keyboard. So, I suppose that sets the scene.

Oh oh … Sleepy bear got up. What is happening with that! I hope I didn’t wake him up … we were trying to be quiet. Shoot … Maybe though he’s got an internal alarm that stresses it is wrong to sleep past 8:30 am hehehe you never know. Just when Missy got comfortable too.

Ahh … that was a nice half hour with Sweets in bed … you know massage, ooh, ahh, massage, chitter-chatter. That kind of stuff. Now … I’m pulling myself away from ogling him. He brought in his computer so that we can both sit in the air and be on our computers. I think the only real plan I’ve heard so far is that he most likely won’t want to go to the work picnic with the families and he thinks he should go shopping before noon. He’s thinking that I should have my fruit … Probably right, but I don’t want to think of something that sounds so organized. He said something about coming up with more for me to be doing … and I thought oh oh that’s going the wrong direction. I think I’ve got plenty to do and I think it’s a good idea to start with some writing. We have thoughts all the way back to Wednesday to catch up with.

Right now we’re having a quiet time between us. He’s just finished the weather and I believe is moving on to the emails. I’ve got a kitty back in between my arms, but am thinking hmm. Maybe I should have some cereal. Cuz it’s already 9:15 am. Maybe I should do that first … hold on.

Ahh … ok that’s that. Kind of a sweet cinamonny cereal … granola style. I haven’t liked that kind too much for a while, but Rich seems to like it the few times in the morning that he’ll eat cereal, so it’s around when I run out of my cereal. Yep, yep there is no end to the number of news items you get flashed in front of you via this screen. Hmm, now it is Missy’s turn to be up front umm challenging me with her territorial meowing. I tell you … between petting, Rich, Chief, and Missy, we are wearing our fingers to the bones … hmpf!

Ahh, she’s settling without too much fuss. They are like waiting in the aisles for a chance for their turn … I’m pretty sure this was God’s entire plan is to have me pet mistress. *Sigh*

Hehehe … Rich just told me an off-colored joke … It was funny … I’m not sure, but I think our bunny friend has a ticklish rib about the size of New York. Funny guy.

Hmm, he’s almost done with the emails now because he’s commenting on a few that we’ve sent him. Eh, they are business though and the last thing I want to be doing on a perfectly good Saturday morning. I don’t think our friend realizes that when we start typing on a Saturday morning, we can be perfectly entertained for an additional 8-10 hours. I think that’s about 20-22 pages as a norm. He thinks I don’t have enough to do, but there are so many new thoughts to be had, and now we want to get into writing and reading for personal and professional development.

We’re at a loss now though because we’ve got about four books that we’ve started reading all at once. Not sure which one gets the top billed spot in consideration of our interest levels. I guess for the present it is fair to say that we are all over. We’ll have to sort that out later on down the line. I think basically what we do is negotiate for time … We have to handle now that we’re going to need getting back to being at work on Mondays. That is going to be a hardship for sure.

Ok, let’s not focus on the negative.

Off the top of my head I would say the book that is interesting me the most at this moment is the one on shame. I think that is one of the most basic tenants toward all the psychological illnesses that we are dealing with. So too with the problems with food. Because we are doing so much, but so little toward diet … that has to be the biggest concern. Well, actually we have been doing things, but there has been no progress made, although at least we haven’t gone up past 325. This morning we weighed in at 321. This feels abominable to us. When we talked to Dr. Marvin this week on the phone – we’d missed the actual appointment, we talked most of feeling down. It wasn’t the right time to go into all that, but it is a feeling that’s very much connected to doing work at work and the weight.

But, for now … I don’t really want to do that … our mind is too fluffy. We’ll have to come back to it, k?

Where do I want to go? I wish I were in a better mood, I know we had been back when we were going through fluffy face stuff, but I’m not there except to be mentally holding some space with him, because he is also on the computer, just the one right back of me. He is doing more reading than typing, but we make up for the balance of that. If I were in a more positive mood, I would want to go back into the space we were on Wednesday. Maybe if I could will ourselves back there, we would feel happier?

Ok, let’s try.

Wednesday if you recall was the last day of our vacation. It had taken some time negotiating, but the decision turned out to be that we were going to take a trip up north.

Whoops … he got a phone call … need to figure out to who. He’s talking about fishing so most likely Bob or his step-father. Thinking step-father. AHA! Or mother! Do you think? Those are good calls. Makes him happy. Yup, yup … that’s been confirmed. 9:45 am … maybe she’ll get him for a while. I like to think of his mom as being happy and I think she is happy when she’s talking to him. There are always concerns and they seem to smooth them out between themselves. I think that its very much a three-way conversation between Mom, Bud and Rich. They probably talk after the phone call and discuss wherever Rich entered in on their world. I think they save up a lot of stuff to talk over with him. AND, I think that they are due for a visit, because I don’t remember him going out there for about a month, and they have the same long week missing of him while he’d up in Canada as we do. Poor Mom and us!

Hmm, now they are talking about lawyer stuff. They are always worried about what is going on there. She wants to know that he is ok. I think so far I’ve gathered that she is a worrier. I sure hope I get to meet her one day. I’m thinking she is going to be a protective mother and worry that I’m good enough for them. Ahh, Sweetie has side-stepped and now asking into other family members – step siblings. I can tell there will be no concentrating as this call is happening.

I wish I could understand better the affiliation I feel toward these calls. Rich might talk about some more stuff into it later, but for now – it’s just keeping tabs that everything is ok. Ahh, Union stuff, don’t want to think through all of that … I think she’s worrying about something different. How did she ever get to be such a worrier? I wonder if its because she had so much to be taking care of in life. I think part of it is having an active role in helping the people that she loves. I do it like that I think myself. The boys don’t need my actual help, but I feel better if I know what’s happened and given a chance to think it through. Ahh, now talking about the grandchildren - they are discussing jobs for the youngest and governor changing minimum wage. Oh oh … he’s emphasizing 30 years ago. Sometimes I think he worries that she isn’t keeping up with present time. Rich seems to do a lot in explaining how “things are now-a-days.” It will be interesting to see if his children pick that up with him as he gets older. I know our kids do that now … they keep up with latest developments in areas of their interest, mostly electrical.

Oh my … he’s stated it for the record … he’s leaving for Canada THIS Friday. I didn’t know that! Damn it’s coming up … They are saying goodbye and he hasn’t arranged to go out there. We were trying to talk to him, but he got faded into something else he was doing. He’s checking out the baseball games to make sure he is scheduled in as he should be. I get a little irritated in that we’re talking and listening to him, and then he just forgets to talk because his mind drifts into another thing that he’s doing. But, to be fair, we are trying to establish spaces in our head that will allow us to let him be whenever he does something that isn’t particularly agreeable to us. Just like this. We are trying to be our most adaptable self, so that he doesn’t feel he has to change to suit us, or that he think we’re not happy with him or the situation. I will tell him later about it, but not as a complaint as much as an observation. I might wait until he says something like his mother drifting off then we’ll giggle and say … umm, like what you do? And, then we’ll try to remember it. Or not. Don’t know exactly where that one is going to go yet.

Last night on the way home – knowing that we were going to eat together and that he’d been worrying about us and guilt and fishing … that we wanted to conscientiously give him a break to be doing the fishing that he wants to get done.

That also includes when he wants to be off to visit his friends or family. We need to be saying not if its ok that he goes … because he has to be able to go by his own choice, but that we’ll be ok whether he is here or somewhere else. This is the point of our dependency that we don’t like, but I think we’re doing better than not. Unfortunately, we had felt pangs of panic when we realized that he was going to Canada just this Friday … and won’t be back for 8-9 days. That’s going to be a long period for us. We have to remember though that in the past he’s gone every year and we’ve made it through it.

This has something to do with our conversation with Dr. Marvin. I just remember him saying something about being on the positive side of things … so instead of thinking we are failing again, we could be thinking we’re doing it some more. Doing the good things that get us from situation to situation. I think one example of that was how adaptable we really are, more than how manipulative with shame we are on Rich. He also talked about doing things one at a time and accomplishing things. Maybe this is more us now, but if we could just be in general progressing, I wouldn’t feel so bad that we had to go back and cover so many parts different angles. This is what the writing is all about … trying to stay ahead of things. For example, last week we had come up with the plan for writing and reading, but just because we aren’t doing it exactly, it doesn’t mean that that time was wasted. In reality because it’s been put in our mind, we are trying to be working toward it.

In one of the books we’ve been reading – maybe the shame one it talks about … shoot think we’re forgetting … let me come back to this one, k? Oh, I know … we’re working in the time segments and planning toward being able to let go of certain things to get to the new idea, or impress on the new idea things that we forgot to consider that might keep us from that task.

Pshwoo … Sweetie is in the washroom getting ready for his shower. Man that was a lot of moving. He gave me the chore of getting the towels ready for the wash.

Since he’s doing all the heavy lifting of getting them back … I thought that had to
be ok. But, it was hard on the back and we had to go past that and get our own clothes ready. We do the week in about a bag on itself. Our white clothes though have been mixing with his so they could be properly bleached … wooHOOO! Us mixing with him 

He’s going to be dropping the clothes off sometime today and he’s going to do a grocery shopping list. There is no way we want to get in on that … It would mean showering and dressing and waiting a lot in the car … to be finalized by helping bring stuff upstairs. On the other hand we could be just typing on a Saturday morning! Yah. You know which way we are going to go with that. Just because he likes to get up and moving doesn’t mean we like the same. Nice rainy day should be spent inside. Ok, I could see getting a shower, but beside that? Nothing else on the plan, though I might start up the dishwasher and walk around the house neatening things up. I’ve got a couple extra piles of books sitting around that we are going to need straightening.

Hmm, he’s between things … we just had a talk on holy underwear and what happens if he gets in an accident and who or who may not be telling someone’s MOTHER!!! She would know what to do! Oh ok, we’re going in overboard. Pshwoo sweetie got to the shower … I had to help him though *little devious smiles!*

Hmm, took the opportunity to pick up the living room AND start the dishwasher while Sweetie did the shower … I don’t want him to think that he’s not appreciated and that I can’t do SOME work around here without being asked. Hehehe oh yeah and then there is the part of my own standards … I’m one of those kind of people that feel I have less work to do if the basic cleaning is taken care of. I think we’ll take a shower after he leaves IF he doesn’t tell us too. We are trying to teach him that we don’t like being told what to do. We’re thinking he gives too many orders. It’s one thing to do whatever you want, but its another thing to tell someone else what to do in the meantime, because that wouldn’t be letting the other person do whatever she wants to do. AHA! Very important. Kind of a making breaking point of having gone from living by yourself to living with someone else. I have to though think if we’re not doing our fair share … then he might want to SUGGEST we do something, but it always has to be a choice.

Ok, enough of that. Sweetie is getting dressed … WHAT! I’m missing that?? Hold on!
Pshwoo … big move there. Sweetie Pie has left, we did another round of straightening and we got our medicines ordered. I think we are good for a while.

Let me think what would be the next thing? I guess there maybe a few things in the bedrooms. We could check that, but otherwise not too much until the dishwasher was ready to empty. I brought in the books from the kitchen and we have a couple nice tidy piles. We will have to sort out our priorities on that too, but not now. Ahh a little XM Heart music … I think of this station as a chance to drift off with thoughts of Sweetie. They are starting me off with Barbara Streisand. I haven’t heard her for a while. Nice. Hmm, just Saturday morning music … though it’s already 11:15 am now. That doesn’t sound like we have to much morning left, but a lots been done. Baby face said he would be back in about 2 ½ hours … so maybe we’ll look toward about 1:30 pm. Which means by 1 pm we should jump in the shower.

Yup yup … just in case there is a make-out opt. Hehehe … nooooo, I did not just say that. Well, yes I did BUT. I think when he gets home he is going to need figuring out where to work on his lures. I hope that he does it here so I can watch, but I don’t think he wants to bring it all upstairs. We’ll have to wait and see with that one. And, then he said something about watching his youngest son in a big wrestling meet tonight. He said he’d told me that, but we weren’t able to recall it. I think he’s planning on being home about 10 pm then. We’ll see. Hmm, we’re saying that a lot I think. Pswhoo. Oh yeah and I remember one more thing … He’s gotten his mail so will be going through that today maybe too. He’s also doing banking, dropping off the clothes, and going to the grocery store, and maybe to Walmart. That sure is a lot of running around. This is added also to yesterday’s work … one of the things he did was to get his private PO Box … WOOHOOO … that was one of his chores he’s been talking about for 3 months. Maybe today he’ll order those pants he needs and those frames for his fishing caps so he can “throw them in the dishwasher” Yup yup that’ how he says its done. God Bless him.

I think he was ok with all the above. He is always good about that kind of stuff.

Plus, he was happy because he said it was fishing hat day. Yes, definitely getting into it. He wants to be packed for his fishy trip by latest Tuesday. BUT, I think its going to get done tomorrow when he gets the clothes back. His fishy friend wants them by Tuesday and will have them packed by Thursday. I think for the record they are leaving Friday, but I’m not sure they won’t sneak out ahead of time. Boys … they’re just like that.

Ok, is that enough fishy man thoughts? I think we got it all figured out. I haven’t heard that his fishy friend called yet, but Rich thought that meant he’d already gone out fishing with one of his other friends. I guess his fishy friend fishes a whole lot. I think that is what makes him the happiest. I’m not sure how he is doing on the girl friend situation. I think the fishing interfered with the romance of his long standing friend, but I’m not sure about all that. There was more on the romance situation all together, but that’s just because I’m a girl and that’s the kind of stuff we’re interested in. We need to know the status quo.

Hehehe. Ok, ok … I’m a letch. NOOOO, but there is to be fair some comparisons. I will want to make sure that Sweetie Pie is having a good life. That means mostly letting him do what he wants to do. I am one of those lucky women that can’t get into a “poor me” thing because her Sweetie isn’t doing his fair share. Hehehe underlining here all the chores he’s taking care of this morning. Besides … we like to see his little boy eyes light up. I don’t think any man can go fishing for truth without regressing some.

Now. I have to consider ourselves. Because that would be the deal … if he is taking care of himself and making himself happy, then it would be my duty to do the same for me. We wouldn’t want him taking over that responsibility. Wouldn’t be fair to either of us. We did have one day together more that we haven’t talked about. Probably act like no big thing now, but at the time, and in our fondest memories … it was a very nice day. Like stated before we went north 2 ½ hours into Wisconsin on the edge of Lake Michigan. The ride up was very, very nice. We did a lot of talking … I don’t remember if we talked as much on the way back. Maybe it was just fluffier stuff coming home because we were both tired.

Now we have to think what was the big discussion about … it was one of those good ones. I think basically where we’d left off was that he didn’t think much of psychological medicines, he was saying that things were more mind over matter, and of course we couldn’t agree with that. I think he was trying to think through logic on why his daughter shouldn’t be on anti-depressants. We covered the part that he surely wouldn’t want us to be off our medications. And, because there is some similarity on the brain being part of the physical body and his physical body required the pain medicine for his swelling muscles and joints. I think he knew he wasn’t winning the argument, and it wasn’t our purpose to push that part. I think in the back of our mind, we were trying to defend more the daughter’s position after hearing very little of the conversation he had with her. A lot of it was uhhuh, uhhuh. He’s having trouble seeing the purpose of a doctor telling his daughter that it wasn’t a good thing to come home right now. His logic is that she needs to work it out so she needs the family, and to go one step further, she needs to be doing “her part” of the family by taking care of her mother. I think the family including Rich is using the children to fill their needs. I really don’t go for that.

We on the other hand know and tried to say to him that she was working on the relationships, but she was doing it with and through her doctor, and they needed time to be going through some of the problems. AND, we very much don’t agree that it is the kids’ jobs to be taking care of their mother. We think it is the mother’s job to be taking care of herself. And, possibly part of the husband’s job. If the husband isn’t going to be there or shouldn’t be there because he’s getting a divorce, then all the more reason for the mother to get the professional help she needs. Rich can go as far as saying his wife needs to be on medicines, but if we were to ask the same for himself, he would say that he doesn’t believe in them. I think he knows they are helpful to us. There was another comparison too in that he says that his wife, daughter and girl friend are all obsessive. Here, of course, we couldn’t but help to mention his obsessions with fishing. Just teasing here, but I needed him to think through what all that meant. I think obsession as we both came to define it was that we were choosing to do something that was unhealthy. He could admit to his problems with food as being problematic.

We talked about guilt and shame. Not very indepthfully though. Mostly because I realize it is significant, but I don’t know why. I think I have a good set of books to be figuring it out. I will try to share that with him, but opened the door by saying that I would be working on it and one of the immediate benefits would be that I would try to take off those things I do, which means that I am putting guilt on him. Not that I may not feel bad, but to be taking care of the negative feelings without the impression or reality that I need or want him to be medicating with his time my end of the deal. I don’t know if that makes sense, but seriously I want to be able to stop this cycle and I think at this point we can do it, mostly because we have Dr. Marvin in our corner to be helping out – and, because it is important to the relationship we have with Rich and we both have with our families.

Whoops bathroom break … lost concentration. Also, we stopped here to reread and to look for companies to order his ball cap frames from. They range from $3.20 to $4.99 … go wild lover bunny! I think you could easily fit 6 on top the dishwasher thing, but maybe only 4 – that’s probably best. He would go with the lesser priced one so we’re talking a whopping $12.80. Not worth a second thought. I would have ordered, but I think we’re overdrawn and there’s always the chance he sees them and picks them up at Walmart. Nonetheless we sent him 3 choices through emails. Ok OK … washroom!

Pswhoo. That wasn’t too bad. We took the shower, talked to Sweetie on the phone for a few moments, and then emptied the dishwasher. I think the place is good to go. He’s about up to the point of finishing up groceries and thinking about going to Walmart. He hadn’t decided yet, but had gotten a gift certificate from his daughter so he thought he might try that. He is to the point I think that he will order the cap frames. We’re being encouraging on that … We’ve agreed four to a dishwasher load. I don’t think he thinks he needs more than that. Missy is back adorning our arm and all is well in the love song department. I didn’t get dressed to go out though. I don’t think that is happening as long as it keeps raining out there, doesn’t make sense to be out walking. Hmm, I know … I should use the tread mill. Umm, no comment there. We did pick up the house, remember? That should count for something?

Breathe, ok we need to be calming down … we didn’t get dressed, because we didn’t know what we would be dressing for. Last night Sweetie was going to get home before us and make something, but he didn’t get to the store due to bad traffic. He decided we should get Chinese and of course, we’re always fine with that. He wasn’t so happy we finished our leftovers last night when he had gone out, but at least we could promise him, we wouldn’t eat his. While we were up last time we made ourselves a sandwich. Good us. Yes, we’re missing fruit, but know hunny bunny is doing his best. If we could get control over the money then we’d be able to take over some of that burden. Just don’t want to promise what we can’t deliver. I worry about lover bunny coming up and down all those stairs laden down with groceries or clothes. I tried helping, but the effect was devastating. I felt bad that Rich had to see us in that bad of shape. Maybe today we’ll try the tread mill. NO not right now! We’ll need to put shoes on … that’s not such a big deal either, but then we are stuck with shoes and weekends should be barefoot. Hmm, did I tell you the part where we were wearing our cat? Sure … a little later will be ok. It’s hard to do things that make you hurt. But, we too know that if we don’t do it now it will get worse.

Ok, ok … do we move the cat? Better to try it before Rich comes home. You know it girl. Could turn on the music back there? Damn. Cat moved.  Ok, get the shoes and socks. What would Fly Lady say?

Hmpf. Ok ok … that was done. I don’t know if we made five though. I didn’t have my meter or timer, or radio or anything,. I am worrying now if I didn’t send the meter through the wash. Damn, I just don’t know where it is right now and I put ALL the dirty clothes in the wash without being conscious that I should be checking for it. Damn, damn. Ok, shhh calm down … it’s going to turn up as being there or not.

Just gotta let it be. It will be ok. It will be ok. One way or another. The point should be that we got on the machine and walked some … next time we will bring in the kitchen timer. I don’t want to overdue it though, because I will want to help Sweetie Pie put away the food. Would be nice if he sat down a minute and let me do the work. Chances are though he is going to get stuck going back downstairs.

He had to bring home a fresh bag of kitty litter. I really wish he would consider doing the service for $6.00. But, he is the kind of guy that likes looking over the items and purchasing them. Hopefully, we will come to agreement and budget to get another place soon without three flights of stairs. This is too much on him.

Ok, ok … we’re not going to lose it in worry about it here, ok? Girls? There is a lot of shame for having him do the work for two people. I think that’s part of the extra movement of us today trying to pick up and such. Just feel guilt. Ok, then are we doing as much as we could be? The only thing I can think of is to be doing the floors. That would be a good work out. The sweeping movement is hard on the back, but might as well try, k? Ok, you go!

Ok, good … you did it. Not real indepth sweeping, but good stuff. Now we figure that Sweetie Pie went to Walmart, but we don’t want to wait too long on the mopping so that the floor isn’t wet when he comes up with groceries. We can do this, right? Just gotta give a break for our back. Maybe too we will start in the kitchen area rather than the hall just to make sure we’re done in time. Ok, that sounds like a plan.

How are we going to relax our body now. We gotta rest up. Shhh, ok, girls, we can do this? It feels good thinking that we can do the work. We don’t want to be expected to do it each time, but if we can it would be a good contribution for all the running and lifting he is doing. Ok, maybe take some time this evening to go through the book on shame. Because I’m pretty sure my wound up feelings have something to do with that. They were saying that one way of looking at shame and guilt is that shame leads us from our ideal self, and guilt is a behavior like when we do something wrong. I think they are going to direct us past that point. It is yet to be seen. Let’s give us 4-5 more minutes … note time 1:40 pm. Don’t want to jump in too soon and be disappointed with our not making the mark. Hmm, can we change that to positive. I want to LOOK FORWARD to getting the job done before Sweetie gets home. Yes, that one works well. Probably should do the kitty litter too … should have … no should have’s … those are guilt producing! Well, let’s say this positively … it’s ok to sweep the area twice! Hehehe there ya go! I think we’re doing better on the kitty litter … Just need some reminders with that one.

Ok, let’s put that on the list.

Oh man oh man …. Hurt, hurt, hurt. Shhh … we did the litter box and the kitchen floor – sweep and swiffered. Good, good … now all we need to do is rest and run the vaccum in the living room. I know last time it didn’t work, but this time we could put the cord on the wall direct … that would work? Yes, you know it would. Just need to rest … time is now 1:55 pm. Let’s try in 10 minutes. That should be enough … Not as important to get this one done before Sweetie Pie gets here, but it would be nice to have done so we can rest then help him in the kitchen. Think he’s going to have at least a couple of trips up. Man … I’m not going to feel guilty, I’m not, I’m not. Just something he can do better than us, right? I would have to die with him if he had a heart attack. Ok, ok … shhhh, no reason to be having all of these thoughts. Let’s be nice, k? Everything will be ok. Rich is strong, remember.

Works that heart of his everyday. We need to do our part by moving and eating
right, then we’ll be ok … just have to be conscious that there is stuff we need to get done. It’ll be ok, just need time and practice.

Kinda thirsty too. Might have to make a couple of lemonade freezes when he gets home. We ran ourselves out of the mix. I think we have plenty of ice cubes left.

Should be good for both of us. We done good … together we’re getting all the work done so we don’t have to worry about it for the rest of the week. This is like a pattern, isn’t it? We can do this. I know we can. Ok, ok shhhhhh, we’re getting a little excited still hmm? Shhhh… big breathe. Ok, 5 more minutes … what’s the game plan. We will have to move the couch and table a little, but I think we can do it.

Why don’t we do that part now k?

Ok, that won’t be so bad … really not a lot of floor space just middle of living room, door frame, and under the desk. Ok, maybe a little in front of the front glass, but that’s it, right? Three more minutes. Let’s not get scared. We can do this. We’ll leave the vacuum in the door corner, put in the cord and work backward into the center circle. No wasted movements. And, don’t sweat out the details … just a little bit, k? Let’s not hurt ourselves. Want to have energy left, remember … helping to put away the food? Ok, breathe … we can do this, right? Ok, you go for it – but calmly!

WooHOOO! I did it. Time is now 2:10 pm. Just need some water and wash hands and we’ll be all set … let’s go do that, k?

Ahh … Man does that hit the spot. I am very proud of ourselves. Whoops … we forgot about the clothes out in our bedroom though. Hmm, let’s go finish her off, k? go for it!

Ok Walah! It’s done! 2:15 pm. He should be home pretty soon. He’s going to be tired. Better think back rubbing just in case. Now we can really breathe … we did real good on the vacuuming. It was hard, but not impossible. I feel good that I got the floor areas done all by myself. Well not the bedrooms, but they don’t get as dirty as kitchen and living room. Ok, ok … shhhh. Let’s all calm down. You would have thought we just won a big sweepstake. We are much too excitable. I think somehow this cleaning streak has turned into a sexual thing. House clean, showered, good mood. Damn I’m like a regular Stepford wife! Oh yes, and you know we’d like to go there! Hehehe ok, you be good … your man might be tired? He felt a little guilty, but shouldn’t somewhere over by the bank or post office he figured that he was close enough that he should stop over by the library. There is absolutely no problem there. I thought he was due … he finished his book about a week and a half ago. He was stalling, because he had to go all the way out to Algonquin to return the book. I think he was going to give it to his son to drop off, but we weren’t for him putting another thing on his son. *Sigh* His business I know.

I hope he felt today that he was in the swing of things as he needed to care for them. I really am proud of how well he’s adopted to being with us instead of at his old house. I think he’s been happy between here and fishing. He likes being out like today … and heaven knows we’re happy here. That adventure on Wednesday filled us up like a snow cone! AHA! We haven’t talked about that yet. Might as well give it a go.

We last left off that we were on the way up. I think we stopped only once for a bathroom trip. Oh yes before we left here there was a grocery trip too. Rich got ice, sandwiches, pop and grapes for the cooler. When we got there we had to pay $10 to get in. Later we found we could have gone another way to walk the same beach.

It turned out this was the place we had gone once before and I had collected the driftwood. I was in much better shape then, but at this park they had benches every 5 minutes, so we could walk in and rest, etc. There was another way into the park by bus, but that was limited to week days. For the record there were a lot of flies especially down by our ankles, but we adjusted by holding a small stick that we’d sweep around by our feet. It was very beautiful and I have yet to look at those pictures. I hope they came out. But, anyway … maybe the best part was after a family had left, we went down to the beach to take their place. We had eaten our sandwich up closer to the woods where there was picnic tables and shade. It was a warm day, but with a Lake Michigan breeze you can hardly complain.

Rich had brought a blanket from home and we eventually set that down by the beach. There were nice seagulls and the next family down the beach wasn’t within shouting distance. It was very lovely and I’m glad that Rich pushed us to be doing the extra walking. Ok, there was a little crying, but not much … more like whining. “I sure hope that hill isn’t going to be hard. Only a little farther ok? Will the flies be down by the water too?” You know that kind of thing. Sometime we need to be persuaded further then either adult or child thinks they are able to go. But, then there was all that inviting water on a warm day. It didn’t seem to bother anyone that we should changed from our summer dress to shorts and shirt to eventually shoeless. The shorts were the underbreathing ones that wouldn’t mind being wet. It took some sampling of the water … when we first stood in it it was very cold. We thought we were going to have to do it by ourselves, but our best friend came with us. We stood in it awhile and then went back to the blanket. But, that didn’t last too long because someone was pretty sure she wanted to sit in the water and was getting through the struggle of balancing that with being cold.

I think it helped that the beach felt warm and the water was so inviting. The compromise was that we sat on the wet sand so the water would come up to us, but the main part was out of the water. Shoot, don’t know how it happened but there was some playing in the sun and sand that was way past our ability to remember. We could hear Rich saying to the younger part that she might want to share with the older parts. But, I think that was asking too much for her. Rich told us later about there being a smiling man that was made and that there was a monster part that came out with mud dripping from her hands like blood. Those were the highlighted parts we have that awareness over. I know it took a long time for him to convince us that we should come out of the water. She kept playing and playing.

Afterward there wasn’t much complaining about anything. We didn’t have trouble with the flies because we were in the water. I think our fishy friend forgot how a lake might look to someone who wasn’t a fishing fiend. It took a little bit of walking and drying to get the sand where we could brush it off. I remember too he had taken her into the water deeper to wash the sand of our bottom part. We thought it great fun in being splashed. There is something else we remember the strongest of all.

All that time we were in the water, we never asked for it, but our friend … he stood
by us that whole time making sure we were safe. I think that is part of the reason that we didn’t want to leave. It felt very close and intimate for the parts that made it out. It was like the pure unadulterated fun things you do like nothing else so wonderful. We were happy with every breathe and glance at the blue sky and the gulls and the sea weed swishing in front of us. I don’t think any of us were going to be brave enough to get fully wet, but maybe too that will come closer to mid-July. Our fishy friend said that we could go back for our birthday. I didn’t realize that it had made such a good impression on him too. Maybe it will become our special beach.

*Sigh* so that was pretty much it. We did stop by a steak place to have something to eat for dinner and we drove making various stops on the way back. Our fishy friend counted 5 stops. Hmm, I think one for gas, one for cheese curds – our favorite WI thing, and then we stopped at three fishy places where our friend was looking for just the right bait. He needed Watermelon and chartreuse worms. Go figure … you just never know what is going to make a guy go crazy. He ran them out by taking their last three packages. I think he would have taken more if he could, and I know that what he had was going to be shared with two of his fishy friends.

These bags came 12 to a bag and I guess you can loose them to the fishes that’s why you gotta have so many. He was like in fishy heaven … you should have seen all the other guys we saw in the same situation. They were all fighting the closing clock … one guy literally running for the open door. Oh man these were very happy guys.

The fishy stores were huge like a K-mart size, but they were ruggedly built and lit like fishing lodges with heavy wooden beams. Pshwoo … just seeing him so happy was like the days when we were young and used to play tag games in the dark. I think that God will have to have fishy stores in heaven to make up for the specialness that comes over fishy guys … yup yup the happiest guys on Earth.

That takes a moment to breathe through. I know that I can’t be with our fishy friend when he goes on our trips, but in this way he shared some fishy time and excitement with us. It makes us feel like a million dollars to be with him and this much happiness. That’s why I want him to bring some fishy stuff up stairs this afternoon. I don’t know how he is doing now though. It’s already 2:45 pm … he’s been away for some time. I’m sure he went to Walmart, but now I’m thinking he went back to the fishy store closer in. He’s been gone for a long time. Either that or he brought some of his fishy stuff over to his friends and they are sorting it together. I don’t think that was in the plan, but he was wondering if he shouldn’t stop where there was a picnic table. I would call, but I don’t want to interrupt his fun. Plus, I don’t know how long it takes to go shopping at Walmart. I know that he had a whole bunch of stuff on his list, and I think he’s got to think through the fishy trip to what else he might need. Maybe too he stopped for a bite to eat. I know he was planning on being here, but this is a long time to be out … he might have needed to be refreshed.

Ok, ok … shhhh, we’re getting a little excited again. We go through this every time we stop to think of him … is he going to be ok … is he ok now … will he be coming home soon. We’re like his mother, I think … just regular worry warts. Hehhee. Ok, ok … WOOHOOO. I think he’s here … BBL~!!!

*SIGH* Ok, it’s me again. We’ve been off for awhile. It is now about 6:45 pm and Rich left almost an hour ago. He was going to see his youngest son wrestle tonight. He says he’ll be home about 9:30 pm, and there might be reason to be foolin around WOOOHOOO!!! I might want to soon jump in bed and rest up. We’re without a couple of medicines so I’m not sure if we’re going to be ok with that.

We’ll see … usually I can’t sleep without them, but I did take one that was for anti-anxiety. Again, we’ll see.

I had just been looking at the pictures that we took from the day we went to the museum and the day we went to the beach. Then Maury called and asked if I’d like to come over tomorrow afternoon. That seemed like a good idea even though Rich was going to be home. I didn’t know if he was going to be out of the house putting his fishy stuff together … It sounds like that so far. He’s going for clothes and that medicine after the wrestling so he can be ready for packing tomorrow. And, he said the bills would be tomorrow too. He’s going to want to make sure everything is good to go before the trip.

When he had gotten home he had to do three loads of stuff … two with the groceries AND cat litter, and one with special goodies from Walmart. That was pretty cool.

We got a special kiss right away and then we put groceries away and eventually got him the required Margarita. Hehehe. It was a pretty excited time because we were so ready for him to be home. I took a couple breaks in getting our part of the work done, but then after he got the third load up, he sat across from me and let me pull out the “goods” one item at a time, which made it seem like Christmas. He got two round table cloths, two sets of placemats, a set of 18 kitchen washcloths, some thingies for the bottom of the chairs so they wouldn’t squeak, a thingamajig to hold shower things, and a shower mirror, some shampoo and conditioner, and a new bath rug. I’m not sure if I got everything, but that’s the jist of it. It was so cool.

We talked between each item about the value of each. I wasn’t able to keep one part though. Someone came out that was having trouble adjusting to the change. He asked something that made her respond that the new things were confusing her and making her feel scared because it didn’t feel safe. I’m not sure all of what was going on there. We’ll have to see, but she seemed to calm down.

I thought there was going to be time for Rich to get done with some of those other items on the list, but he stated that he was going to make a very nice dinner.

Whoo! Was it! He brought home steaks and grilled them on the Foreman … hehehe he calls it “The George.” He also cooked corn on the cob, made mashed potatoes, and gravy. It was a GREAT dinner! I don’t think we talked too much in-between this one though. We were concentrating on eating … for the most part. There was this part of whether or not he got the second Margarita … we decided for him NO … because we didn’t want him going out with alcohol. We did compromise in that we gave him the last 1/3 of our glass. Afterward I put away the dirty dishes as he cleaned the grill, and then we umm had to push real hard … well, maybe not so hard, but in essence he had a half hour to spare and that seemed to work into a nice backrub.

Ahh the backrub. Can’t go wrong there. There was some talk, but it was pretty light. We were just enjoying and fading in and out … nice long rubbing of the head too. He’s just so gosh darn cool. The thoughts were what else could I do to make him feel happier than he already was.

There still is overriding concerns of his friend, Bob. He seems to come up often in our thoughts. I told Rich tonight that we were trying to make ourselves handle the inevitable meeting of him. We want him to like us, but we’re still getting over the competitiveness. We’re apt to talk about whether or not he’s “getting it.” And, we’re conscious of him giving our Sweetie a hard time sometimes. I know they are best friends so that must means he has other redeeming qualities. I think as much as Bob can love anyone, he loves his kids and he loves our Sweet bunny. Those are great redeeming qualities. Rich said tonight that he thought that Bob would say something after we met to make me upset and then I wouldn’t want to talk to him. I could see that happening in that I don’t like all the ways I’m getting in general with him teasing our baby. It will be another role to see our friend in and I can’t say I’m looking forward to that part. Maybe we could come to some agreement that he not directly insult him in our presence, but I don’t think he’s going to be that accommodating. I think he’s going to try turning over some of those embarrassments to us. I can imagine ourselves trying to come back equally with negative thoughts and statements, in defense of ourselves or our super bunny. I don’t want to break up the relationship as it stands between the two, but I’m pretty sure I’m not going to want to sit around and see our friend insulted. I don’t think he’s going to be especially tolerant of us.

He’s going to see us as one of those bad women who want more of his friend than our friend wants to give. Pretty much, I guess I see him being as protective of Rich as we are of him. I don’t know if he’s going to feel jealous of us for our time with Rich as we sometimes get with him, I just know that we both love the Rich we know and not the Rich the other knows. I think too that Rich is used to his friends not being friends with his soon-to-be-ex. I don’t want to be like that, or be like the one who never gets to be with his mother. I think I’m the one that is rocking the boat, because from all I hear, Rich’s mother, brother, and friend, can be a little rough on others. We’re going to have to try not to be intimidated by them. They are going to wonder if I’m good enough for Rich. I think that after they find how long we’ve been with him, there will be a little more tolerance. It must seem strange though that I’ve spent so much time hearing about them, where they don’t know about me at all. They don’t know what kind of person I am. They knew that Rich was in a bad spouse situation, but they don’t know if he hasn’t stepped into more of the same. I wish I could get to them that I’m ok, but it could be another year or two before I’m introduced.

We will have to be patient. It will be ok, when in doubt trust Sweetie Pie, hmm?

Ok, I think we’re going to need stopping for a little while. My wrists are hurting and I want to do that catch up on sleep trick. It’s just after 7 pm now … so, we’ll see you in the morning, k? Next stop … Super bunny gets home and we do Saturday night things! WOOHOO!!!

posted by Ann Marie @ 6/23/2007 07:10:00 PM Comments: 0