Ayn's Multiple World

Mondays Notes ;)

Good morning this is us … we would like to add more information than we have been the last several days. It’s been some pretty busy going ons. I am thinking I missed Thursday and Saturday and Friday … Pswooo … too many days to try and remember … what happened on Thursday. I know we went to Dr. Marvin’s. Oh man so frustrated … I think we lost a couple of days cuz we didn’t write stuff down. I asked Sweetie to help us remember Thursday, but he couldn’t remember either.

AHA! Just realized from the post before that we must have done most the day writing and there is evidence that that was the day we wrote the long post to Sister. She wrote back later … don’t worry about things … take vacation away from work thoughts. I think we must have thought ok, so be it. I think there will be Dr. Marvin thoughts later, but for now … hmm, maybe if we could remember a small outline? I think in general, we kept it light. He was worrying about us having taken on too much the week before and he was asking us questions about being suicidal. We hadn’t been thinking directly of doing anything bad, but we had been telling him we didn’t want to be here. But then there was the Sweetie Pie part. We didn’t want to upset him or lead him to think he’d done something wrong with having such a big part of our life. That’s pretty much for now what we are remembering.

Let’s move on

We also might go back to Friday, but it seems that that day is mostly outlined from the very last post. Mostly it was a zoo day and the day we went with our Sweetie to the zoo and then his ball game and then had shrimp afterward.

Saturday was another very big day. I thinking I don’t remember too much of the morning, but he was all of a sudden moving too fast … so he went ahead to do some banking, the post office and something, and we took a more leisurely time getting ready, but that was our big museum day … I know we got in going to the village hall for our vehicle sticker which turned out fine, but it really was a huge museum day, and there was a couple picnics (first half of sandwich and then second) and then we walked down by the lake until it sprinkled and then we came back to Brookfield and got the movie “Night at the Museum” Woohooo … couldn’t have been a more perfect day. He also got some sausage and bread to make sandwiches and we had popcorn!

Sunday was a relaxing day, I think … It was father’s day, so there might have been some more sexing like “Father’s Day Sex” hehehe ole mushy and us. I’m not sure, but thinking we were doing some stuff together. Oh, I know for one … we read through his entire 1 inch catalog for his fishy store while he made some frozen dinners. We were both in a pretty good mood and he let me ask all the fishing and camping type questions which were being prompted to my mind by the things we were seeing. I think about 1-1:30 pm he went to spend time with his boys and he was gone the rest of the time because he had gone out to eat with them and saw a movie and then drove his oldest back home. I don’t think he got in until after 1-1:30 am.

That was a long day. I think we had done some usual looking around stuff, but about 6:00 pm we fell kinda down and ended up watching TV until our lover bunny came home, turned it off and tucked us in proper.

And, now it is now. We had woken up and then gone back to bed and swoochie face then woke up before us and was on the computer. We didn’t spend too much time with him, because he had to start making some calls. So, we came in here with the hope of starting to catch up on all the time we’ve missed. It is now about 9:15 am, and Missy has been lying down over our arms snoozing as we type. She’s pretty well zonked.

I’m happy now there is some kind of outline of our time, but we’re thinking so much happened in between, it might take the rest of the day to fill her in. Sweetie mentioned something about the zoo today and we’re telling him that it’s too hot. I don’t think he was going with us, but maybe … the point being we needed some time to write because we feel so lost in forgetting what’s been happening. It drives us crazy to think we can’t remember back to points of time. And, some of those lovely, lovely thoughts will be gone forever. Hmm, Missy got up that should give our arms some relief. We were worrying yesterday, because our fingers had been hurting. We were afraid that we were getting arthritis in them. There’s always fear that we won’t be able to write.

Let’s get back to more pleasant things. Let’s start from Thursday again and work our way forward. That sounds like a plan, right?

Ok, Thursday morning it seems that we were writing as we were going … so … we were on vacation, snuggling with bunny and reworking over time that we’d been upset with him the day before for crashing in on our plans to be a program director. That was the morning we spent into the afternoon writing the email to him and to Sr. Theresa. There is nothing I want to really remember of that time I guess. It will come up later, but it seems that our plans to be working on work stuff ended when we’d gotten sisters “order” that we be on vacation and not thinking of work stuff.

I think we needed that and were appreciative of Sister for it. She’ll probably tell us when we get back that it’s what she thinks that count. We might want to spend some time and put down a slim outline, but we’re not sure if we want to go even that far into it. I know at work, we’d been looking loosely at the book and trying to come up with an outline of how the curriculum would get planned out. Not much as to what the curriculum should be … my thought there was that it was a very group orientated process, so in the initial stages, we would act as a facilitator in getting down the ideas of all. That means there should be something charted down, which would encourage the others to think out some thoughts. I’ve got in the back of my mind that we should complete the client survey from 2005-2006, and complete the survey for 2006-2007 from the clients so we can directly work from it.

I’m also thinking right now that when we get back, Sister is going to want us to be working on the annual report. She’s probably done something to start all that off.

Possibly taking a more commanding role of the process, or directly what she wants Rosa and me to be doing. That is ok, because I’ll need to be spending time with Qnotes and Annuals. I scheduled our first 4 before we left, but I think it will already be the 21rst when we get back and that won’t leave much of anything left on time to be getting everything done. Ok, ok … that’s enough work thoughts for the time being … maybe if we get everything else thought out, we can come back to that.

Deal? Ok, thanks.

You read about Friday being pretty much a big deal day. We woke up with Sweetie Pie, of course, and the big things were that we went to the zoo, went on a picnic, picked out some birthday clothes, and then went to his ball game with him, and then did some good people watching followed up by the shrimp and stuff for late dinner (hehehe about 10 or 10:30 pm). That was a gorgeous, gorgeous day. I loved it! For the zoo part, we did the whole walk around the Salt Creek Marsh and that was just phenomenal. It was a little harder to bring the wheel chair because of the wood chip trail, but it was worth the effort. We started to tell you before; we’ve gotten some beautiful pictures. Lots of beautiful nature and even a few of Sweetie Pie. I think there was once during the early part where he’d taken a call maybe from one of his kids, but in general it was very quiet in that area. Not so many people take that path, unless they are really into nature. The animals that we saw were the swans – two parents and their five kids, and then the geese and ducks. The special part that got sweetie excited was that he was showing me the bass hanging out in the water. In addition, there were the cicadas and the butterflies. We haven’t worried about flies and mosquitoes though we saw some good piles of little gnat type thingies. We didn’t mess with them on the side of the trail. Sweetie was very patient with our needs to be stopping not only because we might need a break, but because there were so many photo opportunities. Maybe by the time we post, we can put up some of those pictures. We probably took about 60. Would have been more but we were worried about our batteries. WHICH, reminds me that second set is still down in the other back pack Damn.

*Sigh* Always room for improvement

But there are no improvements on that day because it was perfect. I think we only ended up with like 2600 steps, where the next day we were up to 3600, but any day there is at least 2500 … we are pretty happy with ourselves. There was a feeling when we were in the woods with our sweetie that we were close to the only people in existence. Periodically, we’d see another quiet couple or the lady from the zoo.

She stopped and talked to us about the swans and what a supportive family they were and about the children being relocated to other wild life areas as they became older. It was a very progressive plan on their part and the lady who was older seemed in very good shape and you could tell she was prouder than the dickens of her job and of this part of the park. This was the part that we thought would be the hardest because of the length of walk, but it really seemed perfect. Sweetie talked about when his daughter came in that he would like to take her for a walk here. He said they would be able to walk the whole park where we can only do parts of it for the time being. Unfortunately, he’s gotten a call since saying that her doctor is recommending that she not come up for a summer break. I can understand that, but our friend is taking it personally, like he may have done something to upset his daughter. I know that is his tendency, so it will be our part to support him, while conveying the daughter really needs a chance to figure out for herself, where she stands and who she is … independent of her parents. I will look forward to the time she can spend with her dad, but for now I could see that in combination of time spent with her mother, as being overwhelming. To her we are going to want to pray for peace. When she does come up … the zoo will still be there waiting for her and her father.

The zoo has been around for a very long time and it has been really cool to see how things have settled in around it. I can’t say enough for the vegetation that is in and around the displays. It feels like you and it have been there forever. There were a few extra things we added to the trip this time. Sweetie took us into the Australia house and we saw the place where bats fly around. That was pretty intense for us and all we could think of was to get out of there. It is going to take a long time before we are comfortable going back in there, especially by ourselves.

The other part that was new was that we saw warthogs, kangaroos, and hippopotamuses. We hadn’t known where all those things were before, but Sweetie found them on some new paths between some old paths. I think they are like between the giraffes and the elephants. We’d have to look at a map to get back there. We were surprised with how small the kangaroos were and we were disappointed that we weren’t able to get some better pictures of them. They were hiding behind and inner fence. *Sigh*

Hmm, we just took a break to get and make more coffee … it’s about 10 am now. We just checked on Sweetie too. He may or may not go into work in about an hour. I think he still needs to take a shower. He’s about 1/3 done with about 60 calls he has to make this morning. He’s been in business mode ever since we woke up. We spent a few moments in there, but he’s pretty intense and to be avoided because he wants us to be doing some hard stuff too. YEEKS. We keep telling him we need time to be doing our writing. It is very, very important to us.

Ok, so moving on. The one very important point of going to the zoo, or any other walking trips we take is that we have to realize that it’s harder usually thinking about going than actually going. We did have some problem though about the time we were leaving from this last zoo adventure. We we’re regressed for about the last 30-40 minutes. It was touch and go if we were going to be able to get out of the zoo without breaking down completely. I’m not sure if it were the distance covered or the noise, or what have you, but it got very difficult. We were regressed as we were getting to the part of going down and up that last hill to the parking. I think our friend was a little concerned over us and our stability, but all I can say about that now … is that it was hard. It felt like we weren’t going to be able to make it and that was the first time we regressed so badly since we’ve gotten the pass. I think that it was because the last part was too rushed. The time before, we’d walked for about 10 minutes with only a three minutes break. That seems to have pushed our system to the wall. We’ll have to be more careful with that kind of thing in the future. It doesn’t pay to push harder. It’s comfort ability that allows us to do the extra time.

The part of clothes was an additional surprise. I had asked sweetie to check on the mail because we were hoping that his birthday gift had come in. It hadn’t at that time, but there were mail to go through, particularly catalogues. We had been putting together a wish list of outfits, and then were surprised in that Sweetie said that we could have $200 clothes budget for our birthday gift. That is coming up exactly one month from today. I was very excited and worked hard then to keep the budget just to that amount. We found a nice collection of things from 2-3 different catalogues. Mostly, we are going with jean items. Our selections include a blue jean skirt, shorts, dress, about four shirts, some aprons, a pair of shoes, pajamas, and maybe one or two more things. I felt pretty good about it and Sweetie seemed to think we’d done good for that amount of money. That made us feel good.

We haven’t done the ordering part yet, but that will come in short order I hope. It was important to us that we get outfits, that go past summer into the fall and beyond. Hopefully, one day we will go down in size enough to deserve new outfits, but for now any change would be a nice change.

The ballgames that evening and the drive was very, very nice. I should have done the extra walking to the far field, but we weren’t comfortable with it because the trip was too long and we didn’t see any benches in between. Without the wheel chair we are hesitant about going too far without a place to sit and rest. But, we did have nice space driving out, and we did get out and spend time watching a couple of practices and we were given binoculars so that we could watch Sweetie from afar.

That was real nice, but we picked up a little headache I think from them. That night we fell asleep massaging Sweetie and was then tucked into bed. While at the game though, we enjoyed first a boys team, and then a girls team. We discovered that male coaches yell at boys a lot more than the girls’ coaches yell at them.

There is a lot more talking with the girl’s team. The girls are less enthusiastic
about the game, while the boys were looking to please their coaches. It was more fun watching the guys because the coaches spent more time on the field in ball positions. They switched around the batters so that everyone got time at different positions out in the field and everyone got time up to bat several times. They made a game out of it giving them multiple opportunities to hit and run the bases. There were four male coaches with one behind the plate giving those instructions, the main coach was doing the pitching, and there were two coaches out in the outfield. They were each motivating the kids in their own way. The guy behind the plate was the meanest, but the boys seemed to respond to that kind of more negative shouting. You should have done … why didn’t you … you need too … You know that kind of thing.

The girls spent a lot more time with basic skills and they seemed to have much more control issues. So, they practiced pitching, batting, and throwing. They never got to a game playing situation. The guys had done some drills where if you didn’t hit the ball or get it through to the outfield, you would have to do some extra running. The kids did real well with that and seemed eager to please again the coaches. The girls spent again, much more time talking between themselves and their coaches. Sometimes the talk was on the practice, but just as often they would talk of other off playing field events. They seemed to have a lot harder time concentrating. We found out sometime during the girls practice that there were like 12 years old. We had a talk with a parent who said the kids were getting taller so that 6 foot in high school was average and not special. Indeed, these girls seemed bigger than I’d remembered for that age.

Hmm, we are trying to type with our braces on again, because last night and now our hands are hurting. I’m not sure how long these braces are going to last though because right now they feel uncomfortable. I’m going to try it though and also moving up the keyboard. Maybe we don’t have arthritis but were just stretching too far. This could be the problem with carpal tunnel too. We’ve been told that we had it. I’m a little frustrated because we are making too many mistakes now with the typing and brace, but hopefully we will adjust.

Anyway … to finish up the last business … Our friend’s game ended up being a long 2 ½ hour game. And, the last 20 minutes we were too tired of sitting on the hard seats of bleachers or benches so had gone to the car and finished off that time with watching some people playing tennis. Rich’s car was right there to be watching. We were surprised when Sweetie just showed up and it was time to leave. Just prior to getting to the game Sweetie had stopped to get a couple of Dunkin Donuts, coolatta’s or something like that. Mine was orange and mango and we were to the point of having long finished and been more concerned with using the washroom. There was one close by, but we were trying to avoid it. We enjoyed watching our baby getting dressed in his gear and taking it off afterward. We were a little concerned by how much he was showing to the public, and we prayed that he would not be arrested for indecent exposure hehehe. Silly baby. To be fair, he had this nifty little wooden bench to replace the locker room benches and he tucked himself into a crook in his open car door and he did all the things to get a girlfriend a little excited!

The drive home was very pleasant and we talked and laughed. We did some good people watching as he shopped for the few dinner items. I am starting to really love that time too. Our sweetie is one of those who goes to the store to get just what he wants for that night, and this happens several times throughout the week. It’s to our advantage that he’s this thoughtful. The people watching thing I think we’ve explained before, but again its watching and studying people the way they are and the impressions that they leave on us. They are sort of fleeting, but if you have ever watched the socialization of an ant colony you have our general ideas. People … wow … do they all come in a lot of sizes, shapes and personalities. Just leaves us thinking odd thoughts keeping up with it all. But, because this trip was a couple of days ago, for now many thoughts are lost. Maybe we should get a little jungle guide book and start to take notes of what we are seeing … we could then bring it upstairs later and add to the notes. Hmm, interesting idea. Just like a Jane Goodall kind of adventure.

We spent a couple nights total behind the Margaritas … we get pretty tired and stop at two. The shrimp, cheese, pepperoni, hard chips and grapes were eaten out in the living room on the round coffee table with soft music and romance in the air.

Hehehe … not sure if I want to say much more of that, but Sweetie is sure an inner crowd pleaser. Love that guy to the dickens~!

The next day … was the museum day. I’m not sure how much of the morning I’m going to remember. I know that we’d gotten out …

Whoops hold on little interruption, Sweetie just passed on the way to the bathroom saying that his second best friend just cancelled out on the big fishing trip.

We’re going to want to hear about that as soon as he gets out. We thought ohh nooo. We know this friend is having trouble with business because it’s without enough money. He’s very much in debt and the $30,000 our friend invested is going to be lost. He had thought that all through before, but had worked extra money in with his friend that was to be assured just for the fishing trip. I’m guessing that the guy is too far under now that he would feel guilt or shame and not make the trip. The unfortunate part is that a Canadian trip has been a part of everything these three have been doing for many, many years. I’m sure it’s upsetting sweetie to all ends. I think last year he’d paid for his friend’s trip with some condition of being paid back. I’m not sure if that happened, but this has been important to the three of them.

Hmm, back again … I was pretty much right in that evaluation. I think they are still at the store though haven’t sold it or closed it down. Our friend was talking with his best friend – the other and they are now in a position of calling around to see if they can fill the position. There is one person in particular they are thinking of and Rich went in the other room to get that correct number and make the call. He hadn’t signed up before, but Rich knows that he could be available in that he’s retired. The guy has an injured back, but he might go because our friends will be doing a guide boat, which means there is someone to do lifting and boat providing and meal making and such. So, it wouldn’t hurt the guy’s back so much. I think Rich is going to offer them a deal in covering the guide cost so that will help out the money situation for him. But, he’s got to make the call to see because there was some reason he didn’t sign up in the first place. Like maybe he was doing something else that week. We’ll see. Rich teased our interest in it as being like a soap opera. Hehehe he’d probably be right there.

Ok, here’s the deal … he called the one they are thinking of and the other is off checking out a couple of things. He had first claimed money, but he seemed pretty excited to find there was an opening and all … he has to now clear his schedule and come up with an extra thousand. It’s a pretty big deal. They will be gone 9 days total, so we’re going to need getting mentally prepared for that too. For the guy though it’s a pretty exciting deal to all of a sudden take this big a trip a couple hours into Canada with all these great guys he knows. Be a shame if he didn’t take them up on it. Rich showed me the pictures of the couple of guys that would be then going up with them. He says that they all get along. And, I have an idea that these are a couple of Rich’s favorites. They are the few that have accepted the conditions of being with a guide so that’s a pretty big deal. Ok, girl patience now. Our friend has gone back to his work so we’re both getting our things done.

Pswhoo … the lengths we’ll go to make fishy friend happy.

Mmm, had an orange too … hopefully, fishy friend will be thinking lunch pretty soon. It means that he’ll make a couple of sandwiches … good deal for us.

Wow pretty strange though … we turned to our fishy friends page on our special calendar … it has the four guys pictured all together. It seems our friend is the only one of the group who hasn’t turned gray haired. But, they are all smiling and look pretty happy. I can seem the excitement of our fishy friend now … these trips are such a big deal … I wonder if I should offer our friend the camera or suggest that he at least get in the disposal one. I don’t know, but would request that he take a lot of pictures. I don’t know if he has that in him, or if we could tolerate the camera being gone for so long. We’ll have to see … Could he would he take some pictures?

Ok, we’ll have to think through all that. But, not right now … I’d like to get us back in time so we’re writing again calmly … we’ve now had a couple of oranges and more coffee and our friend said he’d do lunch in a few minutes. Hmm, just walked past there because I had to get a clean towel – had spilled coffee on the other.

But, in that process seems he’s upset about something at work about an unauthorized meeting. We’ll let all that go for sure.

Sooo, let me read up. Ahh we’re just up to the museum day. Hmm, Chief is trying to mount Missy again … but she lay down and then jumped out of the hold. I don’t know what’s up with that, but maybe Chief is remembering that its spring? Hmm, let’s see how far and long that goes. ANYWAY …

Ok, back to Saturday morning, what can we recall. Working backward, I know that it was going to be the big museum day. I think there are things Sweetie had to do to prepare that I mentioned before. I didn’t get too much done writing I think part of that was because we’d gotten so much into the pictures. But, we did eventually go.

We’ll pick up here where we went to a place on First Avenue and Roosevelt for some very good sandwiches and then down the block for some ice. We had cherries from the night before and our friend picked up some pop and water and we’d had some before.

From there we plugged in our PDA just to make sure – we were in my car, because we would be using the wheel chair. I guess that’s pretty much the deal now. When Rich is with us, he usually drives, and he seems pretty comfortable with the chair idea, though while at the museum I used it a lot which he may have thought too much … but we’ll get to that in a moment.

Driving into Chicago is always exciting to me and in the process he was speaking more about the museum campus, which I hadn’t understood too much of before. He explained the differences in my memories being of the science and industry museum rather than the field museum, but they were close to the Shedds aquarium, and Soldier Field, and the astronomy part, and within proximity by cable car/bus to Navy Pier. Those are some of the biggest Chicago deals. It took us a while to get to the right place because there was a parade for something and streets were blocked off, but the neat part is that we found a special parking place for people who are handicapped. It was mostly filled, but we got a special spot toward the front and it was like $15, but WooHOOOO we were in! Right across the way from the parking was this place with all kinds of tables and built in benches for eating. They provided too bathrooms and an ice cream stand that was pretty big. We could see over toward the water behind the aquarium and had that in mind too, but first was going to be the museum directly in back of us. There was a special door just for people with disabilities. That couldn’t have gotten cooler! First though we sat down and had a half sub sandwich with Sweetie and a pop and a handful of cherries. It was just 1/3 a block from the car so Sweetie brought the extra back to the cooler with ice and from there we gathered our courage and excitement to go forward.

We’ve had a long standing wish to be at the museum and had remembered last wanting to go from Elgin with kids, but we had thought they were just too young and wild.

We couldn’t control them on our own to not be running through the place and indeed we saw a couple other families that had kids not in control. Had to feel bad for them. Sweetie was just the most perfect gentleman you can imagine. We stopped at the washrooms first where we took turns being out with the chair. We had no problem with lines or anything and had received a couple of maps. So just inside the museum large foyer, we sat down in a couple cozy chairs and thought through what we were going to do. Rich wanted to start on the main floor and that was fine with me.

Neither of us had in mind anything special so we made a plan just to start to our right of the elevator and work ourselves around like that. In the end we had gone through like a quarter of one floor. At that we probably spent about 3 hours in the museum.

Most of the time we were looking at exhibits; we had been sitting down in the chair and wheeling ourselves from one to another. It was perfect for us and we were learning for the first time how to really control the chair using both wheels. It was different being indoors compared to out, because the wheels weren’t so obviously dirty. Our Sweetie turned out to have no intention of zipping through there. He steadily read one placard after another, where we on the other hand appreciated a few things being read, but because we were so overwhelmed with just the physical in front of us … we did just a lot of staring. Sweetie told us things that were interesting to him, and we did the same. I felt in heaven I was so excited. It wasn’t so crowded at the time we were there, though there were definitely people there. Rich picked up more on the accents from many different cultures.

Mostly what we were seeing was small to medium to large size animals, much of what is considered the African exhibit. I thought it was like going through a zoo with animals that were all dead, but poignantly spaced one after another after another after another in glass cases that were just so many it was unbelievable. There was just so much to see and then the animals were grouped in interesting ways to make interesting points like animals who mated with themselves, or had shells, or used pinchers or such. Animals like cats and hoofed and winged and insects … they were all proportioned out. It was just a phenomenal collection of everything. I don’t know what excited me the most … there were things like zebra’s and buffalo and all that were so real, and there were a lot of skeletons of stuff and even we got to see the skeleton of a whale next to an elephant and out in the hall we saw a skeleton of Sue. She’s a dinosaur, but we were so excited to see her that we didn’t even understand or notice what kind of animal she was. We were about at that time needing to leave and we were so overwhelmed with images. Everything was just that much more interesting than the last. We took one sitting break where smoochie face sat too, but we were well rested throughout.

While we were resting I had thought it so strange … I had the sense of sitting throughout and watching people stand and wondering what it was like to do so again.

I hadn’t without the chair been somewhere for such a long time it was the most amazing thing to me to be out. I looked at the tall standing people and I feel now as if they had been hoarding all these fantastic sites. I can’t imagine anyone going through the museum and not being excited with what they were seeing. We have only seen about a 1/10 of the place. We stayed until they told us it was closing time and the last thing we remember seeing was the gorilla who was the first of its kind to come to a zoo this far west. It drew like thousands and thousands of people to take a look at it. I don’t understand the difference yet in my senses to be looking at animals dead or alive.

Whoops took a little break to eat lunch and calm things down. Our Sweetie had been talking on the phone with his upset voice for quite a while because something wasn’t going his way. He’s calmer now, but I know he’s still steamed. At least some of the pressure has been released. I just get all frazzled when he is that loud and whiny. Hate to say whiny because he’s our lover, but sometimes things happen that are out of his control and he has a hard time letting it go without being personally affronted. Don’t know, but will continue dealing with that part of him, because he’s our dear heart and we don’t like to see him as a wounded animal. NOT that he’s BEASTLY, just his posture gives away to too many non-trustables about how he’s taking life. We have that never-ending thing about wanting to protect him. I think though he thinks that if he’s not loud, he won’t get his frustration through. I’d rather, of course, have him work through frustration with me and not be so visually exposing of himself with his workers and bosses. Like to think we can check and balance off of one another, while not using each.

Ok, that’s enough stepped into that bad space. He did calm down and he’s dealing with the next part. I’ve long since learned that a lunch with Rich is the five minutes necessary to eat the sandwich, and then we gotta let him go. Meanwhile we’ll recognize that he’s actually “at work” while we’re actually “on vacation.”

WoOHOOOO!!!

So there we were looking at the dead animals, which seemed as beautiful as the live animals. Just the dead ones would stay beautiful from this time forward. There is a lot to be said of seeing every beetle from tiniest to huge, or that butterflies come in a zillion flavors and that there are hundreds of kinds of different horned goats and higher-species-type caribous and moose. When at the museum you are case to case next to different animals, and they grow progressive as to size, shape and purpose. I couldn’t even think of the excitement of building this kind of collection. In our own mind, we collect best our thoughts as we write. I don’t think Sweetie quite has that idea down, because he has been questioning my need to be writing. But, not only is there that frustration of not getting things down on paper where we can examine them, we are like the lost collector in finding his platypus is now in Greenland. It is just intolerable that what belongs together isn’t … and for that we thank goodness for our time abled into this craft.

After the museum closed, we took another break and finished the other half of sandwich, another pop and the rest of the cherries. We had to dry off a spot because it had rained on the picnic tables. They were like a coated wrought iron and so we dried them off with napkins while Sweetie went to the car. It was really beautiful though we weren’t sure if we should push on to seeing the Lake because of my ability to walk and because we weren’t sure about getting too far from the car if it rained. We eventually decided to push on and followed the winding path down to the lower level. Everything was concrete or asphalt so we didn’t have too much problem with the chair, but it was steep going down and we fretted about coming back up. After we got to the level we wanted we followed along the long corridor of cement slabs that reached down the way of the peninsula. We made it about half way on two stops, before the trickling drops pushed us back the other way. We got around the point where the Shedd Aquarium blocks the Lake view of the city landscape. So, when we turned around and saw it it was such a great picture, partly because we’d forgotten that whole thing was there. It kind of sneaks up on you.

Whoops Rich is in there imploring again. The tone has quieted down, but he’s still into the communication game that goes on when there is an upset. Apparently, someone had tried from the outside of his manufacturing department to schedule a meeting of the specialists that work in his department. He hadn’t been included and he kept repeating the people calling the meeting who were not immediately identifiable as being clueless. I think they have their own version and one of the results was the meeting was rescheduled to be after the time the clients leave. I still think he’ upset about the meeting because he’s been insulted by someone’s lack of forethought in including him. I think he is worried about changes and doesn’t want to be outside the loop. I can appreciate that position, but know when many people are involved things happen and you don’t always have control over the situation. You must always play your cards wisely. Unfortunately, I see him when posturing as he was as throwing a temper tantrum. After many years … I think people even me just expect it, block it out, and go on. I don’t want someone out of control trying to control or bully me. But, then that bit of separation is probably healthy, because in general I suppose most people want to be in control of them.

It’s just that Rich was born with a concept of wanting as a manager or coach to be in control of others’ destiny. Eh, for now back to where we were trying to be.

Hmm. Not quite. We went in to fill our coffee and check on baby cheeks. He’s more calm and his boss is more calm, because Rich is more calm. They changed the meeting to 3:15 pm. And Rich, will likely be at the meeting. He’s worried because there are now new laws that might change the structure of the workshop so it is doing about 40% less than what it’s doing now. That’s got to be a little job threatening in that Rich’s job all along has been to procure workshop work, and then manage it through the process. I think he realizes that he has to adapt somewhat to land feet forward during this next evolution. Things change and no matter who or what force instituted the change, one has to work through it. I felt the same way when I lost the Monday’s off. Maybe I didn’t mention that yet, but the only reason I have today off is because I’m on official vacation. Starting next week I have to put in full 5 day weeks again and that upsets not only my schedule, but my equilibrium. I am not enticed yet by what the nature of my job might next be. My boss might be working at a different level than me. I will need to put up with any change in staff she’s instituted since I’ve been gone. That reminds me again that we weren’t to be thinking of work while on vacation, but if I did enough writing – I might squeeze some time back into it. I don’t necessarily want to be told … h ere you have just a slim part of what is happening. I know I have training, but to my knowledge she’s going with the Q candidate that can only be there 3 days a week, and at that, we don’t know how much time she is going to need to be teaching at a DSP level.

We’ll just wait and be patient. I know she’s not planning to give away my office, so although the landscape will change, my fort remains so far mine alone.

Hmm, ok … we’ve gotten to the point we’d seen the museum and we took our little walk. We did manage to get back to the car without being rained on and I have to underline here that the walk up the hill wasn’t nearly as bad as imagined. I needed a break on top, but we handled it without losing our senses. Like everything else of the day the drive home was enjoyable and our Sweetie came up with the most excellent suggestion that we stop at Blockbuster and pick up the video he recalled as being out there on “Night at the Museum.” It couldn’t have been more perfect.

He also stopped by at the grocery store again which meant more people watching. WoOHOOO.

Everything including the popcorn was excellent. I was so enthralled with things like all the animals and skeletons and such being the same as what we’d just come from. I guess the model was the New York Museum of Field History, which was pretty cool. There may have been umm some monkeying around afterward, butt hehehe the next day we spent the morning time looking at first the director’s version and then the screenplayers version of the movie. I thought it was very much a fun thing and I find it incredible that we have a museum so accessible to us and those movies can do so much in adding to one’s imagination.

I don’t think the rest of the day was as stellar. There wasn’t much reading or writing and we were feeling at loss for them, but distant from them. We were just too tired. And, so after a while of getting back to the computer and doing the general fooling around in it of news and gossip, we broke down about 6 pm to watch TV. That is always a disappointment. Like stated before Sweetie was gone the second part of the day to see his boys and we had to make due. I think we stayed up to just after 10:30 pm waiting on Sweeties call to say he was alright. He didn’t get in til very late, he scolded us gently for falling asleep with the TV on, and we got our smooches and went to bed.

I think you must realize now that time’s past and its about 1 pm and Sweetie is still home. There was some suggestion of going to the zoo again today, but we’ve emphasized the writing and we’ve acknowledged he’s got needs to be doing business.

Somewhere the workweek of Monday has taken place. Being home though with him today has seemed like going to the office with your Dad. You never guessed of how many other people get yelled at by him. Pshwoo … tough out there!

Hmm, just paused to check on mail and a little breather … there was some stuff there from the ARC and the Chicago Tribune, but I didn’t really want to get into either.

By this time it’s about 12 pages into the writing and I have to ask … hmm, are we then caught up in time? Hey, I think we are … now is there anything to summarize?

Maybe a general overall look at things. As to being out with Sweetie which has been the most substantial time-set, I’ve absolutely LOVED IT! I guess he too has had feelings, in that he never had someone he could slow down with and gain the most out of a visit to the museum. He talked about getting yearly passes, which we found would be about $70, but then he said too because of the $15 parking, that raised the cost and he said we could come here 3-4 times a year, which may or may not pay the cost, but it was $25 to get in without the ticket. We didn’t think of it before the museum closed, but we could have had that money go towards an annual membership. We looked also into a city-pass, but that turned out to be for short-term visits like $49 for a week of going to 5-6 cultural specters within Chicago, where we had wanted something to be annual like we had with the zoo. We were real pleased that we didn’t have to park 2-4 blocks away from everything. Hmm, that reminds us … we saw our first tour of these nifty two wheeled electric scooters. There was a guide and his little ducklings that passed us a couple of times. If you could stand, it appeared you could learn to ride. And, besides a boat or trolley ride this might rank up there!

We enjoyed thoroughly the trip to the zoo’s Salt Creek and museum in part because of the incredible feelings we had of being out, but also because we could share the time and peace with Sweetie. I would like to allow some bold thinking feelings that we could see so much more with him. It seems that we travel at the same speeds out there. We talked of not doing this for 14 years, and he clarified in his position of being married it was too much a risk, but some veil has now been lifted from us and I feel we’re working toward a new life that is going to be more and more spectacular. I worry most about something happening to Sweetie and us not being with him to enjoy life. Because for the most part … I think that’s what we’re doing. He’s talking of taking small day trips of going in any direction to see cultural sights and just fun sights elsewhere fairly close to home. Man-o-man I could see following our Sweetie to the end of the world and back. Please just make him last forever … me too!

*Sigh*

Deep breathe, let it out … ok, this task done … where are we going to go next.

Maybe we should start by startin the dishwasher … that could be a nice necessary break and prepare us for dinner, hmm? Ok, that is done. Now are baby is saying that if we could be ready in an hour we could go back to the zoo. But, we’re not real in favor of that. It’s near 90 out there and the wind is blowing 20-30 mph, plus there is developing scattered thunderstorms. Maybe could we come up with a different idea where we would not need to be outside? Sweetie said definitely, he wasn’t for the idea of going to the malls for our walking, especially during the summer.

Hmm, just checked our email … nothing there. I could see taking a shower next just in case and I know that we are at a break point in our word document, just I don’t see going out in the heat. Probably be good for us though? But, then what would happen. I don’t want to be taken away from the writing.

Oh man it was tight out there. He wants me to do this and that and everything. He says that if we don’t go to the zoo we have to walk 15 minutes on the treadmill and THEN he’ll make some turkey for dinner, but he won’t have dressing AND potatoes, so it gets all confusing. Then he said that tomorrow we would go to the zoo and the next day back in Chicago, but I’m feeling we didn’t get enough time to rest. And, he says we need to take a shower and go get our check and go do the bank, and then we can order some clothes, but I don’t want to do everything cuz I don’t like being told to do stuff. It messes up my head. I want to do stuff, but I don’t think its fair he plans everything without me. He did say we could get Madagascar tonight instead of his cowboy show, but I didn’t get to choose ANYTHING. He says don’t bring me problems bring me solutions.

So, we are going to think real hard and come up with something WE chose. CUZ its OUR vacation. If there were any place I’d want to go I wouldn’t be able to go to a food place, because he is saying no extra food cuz we’re both on diets. Man I hate when he does that. So, where do I want to go. We just asked him why we don’t get to go somewhere with swimming. He said one second, so we are waiting. AND, we aren’t getting reading time, but then he said tomorrow he’s got a game and he’s thinking of fishing Tuesday and Thursday. Well, he’s not getting sexed on Those nights that’s for sure! He’s going out at 8 pm so he’ll be back very late. Then I said what? Your going more fishing? Then he started to whine and throw out all that you’re acting like a wife stuff, and we shut that down right away. But, there is a feeling yet that he can go and do whatever he wants, but we can’t think of any one thing we may want to do. I may want to do something different and extra special cuz we just saw a movie. We didn’t get to go nowhere far away. And, then things like even eating turkey here reminds us that we’re not going out somewhere special or a little exotic like to a hotel on a beach. We didn’t get our escape, but he gets to escape every time he goes with his best friend fishing. I can’t even cash my check if I did go into work to do something exciting by ourselves. Cuz the check won’t clear in time. So that makes me feel like why go down and get a check, because then I have to get work stuff on me. And, sister might feel like telling me problems and stuff, and I just don’t want to go to work.

So I won’t!

Now I feel pouty and in a bad mood cuz I haven’t thought of something I want to do.

He complained I am doing something cuz I’ve been writing ¾ of a day. I would have exploded if I didn’t get some time to write, but I want something to be my choice and now he’s saying that I can’t get the clothes until I’m ready to get my check and go to the bank with my cash. So, now I feel in a bad mood. Shoot, what is it I want? He did take me out to the museum and not too long ago we went to a movie.

Going to the zoo and museum was fun when we went, but now I’m thinking all my time is going and we didn’t get to make a choice. Why am I so whiny and can’t make one now. We told him I was coming in here to think of something and now all we’re doing is whining. Man I’m so mad.

He could do some coloring with me? He says he’s going out at 3:30 to do some stuff, and its about 2:30 pm now. He has to get his sprize package and go to the bank and back to the grocery store. We could say we get a reading night tomorrow and that will be a good thing that we want to do.

He got mad at us cuz he said we made him seem like an ogre. We said we wanted to go somewhere and be on an adventure, so then he said we asked for $100, and then we said what $100 … and then he said $25 for sticker and more and more, so then we said $25 for sticker $10 for medicine, and $6-7 to get our clothes washed but then he said he wasn’t going to talk to us when we said he wasn’t going to argue it, but we only cost him $42 not $100 and I think now we’ll make sure he gets paid back because he was counting. Why did he get so mad at us … he said we should come up with an idea but then he said all my ideas cost money and he wasn’t going to pay for me.

Maybe he didn’t say it exactly that way, but that is what he meant. I think then that we are going to do things by ourselves we’ll read and write and color. And, we won’t eat anything that costs money. I don’t want his dumb money … I don’t want anything from him. I’ll eat oatmeal. Why did he yell at me and not talk to me? Why was he so mean? I didn’t say he had to stay home on my vacation from fishing … and he said it wouldn’t matter if he went out Tuesday and Thursday night because he was going out after games. I’m going color crayoning.

Pswhoo … we’re back … we’re done coloring and we are done in the shower. We’ve got on the long pajamas that look like royal African pajamas. This is cuz we’ve been seeing a lot of animals lately. Our sunny bunny has gone out to do some errands.

He had to get his special mail, go to the post office, and go to the grocery store.

He said he was coming right back, so we emptied the dishwasher too. We colored two pages. We did good coloring.

I think we are going to write maybe just a little more and then we’d like to do some reading unless Sweetie brings home a video. I think it was one of those things where we needed some separation because we didn’t want him getting his anger on us.

We didn’t mean to make him feel bad. But, I think we did. I think we asked for things that he couldn’t provide and that made him feel bad so it spilt on us. After he yelled then Lissa came out and did coloring, cuz she’s the best one to get yelled at cuz she doesn’t get mad back. She just does her stuff and leaves other people alone. But, this time she didn’t hurt herself, she just colored. When he said, I don’t want to talk about it, and then we said k. And, then we left to the living room. After about a page, then he snuck a look at us to see what we were doing, and then he got in the shower and did some stuff, and then he got dressed and then told us he’d be back. We hope he gets back soon. But, not too soon that he’s still grumpy. We don’t like being yelled at even if we made a mistake. A simple explanation would take care of us if one or more of us forgot. I think he might have been used to fighting with his wife so he thinks he has to fight with us. But, he doesn’t. Cuz we don’t want to fight with him. We just got over bubbly cuz we thought we had a good idea. I don’t want our parts to get down for having good ideas.

I think we were coming from a place where we just wanted to make a choice on our own what we would do with our time. I think he was saying we don’t have a right to make decisions because we didn’t have the money to support our thoughts and he must not like a lot when people either choose stuff by themselves, or choose how to spend his money. That was a wrong thing for us to do. We didn’t think of what we were doing until after he got so mad. I would be mad maybe too, but I would try not to yell, cuz that hurts people’s feelings. We have to think that Rich doesn’t have money for us unless he wants to do something. It gets confusing because he takes so many little vacations fishing and gets or pays for anything necessary to do with that.

So, we get to thinking that there is extra money. But, there isn’t … he just has extra put-away money for fishing and I know he works very hard out on the ball field for that money. So in some ways, we are together and in some ways not. We share the apartment, and sometimes eating, but sometimes we eat different.

Umm, our Sweetie Pie just called. He said that he decided he didn’t want to cook dinner. He said he would like to eat out. Then he asked me if I would like to see a movie, and then he asked me which one I would like to see. We told him that we don’t want to spend his money and that we could stay home and read. He thought watching a movie was a better idea so he said he was going to get Madagascar. He said that was a movie that we would like. We told him that the boys always used to choose our movies for us, because we don’t make very good choices. He said he would make the stop and call me after he had gotten done. We sat on our chair where we answered the phone for a long time. Then we thought if he was going to take us out to dinner and call – though we told him our hair was wet, then we should be getting dressed in something. We also asked him if he was mad at us. He used his controlled angry voice to say, No, he wasn’t mad. But, we think he was still very frustrated. We didn’t mean to make him like that.

We’re kind of nervous now, cuz we don’t know what he’s thinking and we don’t want him to be mad at us. He was using a very angry voice like the voice he was using on the phone to the work people. Maybe we should figure out how to distress him better. Not spending his money is a good start. When we were sitting on the chair we thought that we could talk to him and ask him just to say the cue words, “Remember, you were going to only spend your money.” And, then we could say, “Your right, I’m sorry, we forgot.” And, then he wouldn’t have to yell. He’ll probably saying he wasn’t yelling, but then we would think he was using an outside voice. I don’t know … maybe we should ask him if he wants to go fishing tonight. I think we are going to have to have planned spaces where we give each other time away. Even if it means going to the other room to color. I think he’s going to tell us we were regressed, but we’ll ask him to let us keep being a multiple and remind him its not so bad, because the regressed parts usually don’t sit around thinking about being mad at him. Then it is back to we need to be here to write and
he can go wherever he wants to go.

I think there is one other thing. Especially on the days that we are writing, we can invite him to be reading what gets put down. Then that will maybe help him understand better that we don’t mean to be bad, just sometimes we are … it doesn’t mean that we didn’t appreciate all the other things he did for us … just that somewhere we got this desperate feeling of not having done something we had originated. And, there is a bad feeling that comes when you realize that there is more vacation behind than ahead. Two more days and we have to be back at work and we never even figured out how we are going to handle it.

Our friend has called. He’s going to be downstairs in two minutes and says he’s not mad at us. We have to go now. Bye.

posted by Ann Marie @ 6/20/2007 09:51:00 AM Comments: 0