Just a few notes from work ... not a great day, BUT ended with vacation!
Good Morning. This is me. It’s about 9:30 am on a Wednesday morning. I’ve just come out of a shut-down phase. I have been having trouble getting into work, especially when I’ve stopped by to get something to eat. I find myself slipping off to sleep while poised over my computer … I don’t know what is going on, but it feels bad, because now its like two hours into work and not only has nothing been done, I don’t know what it is that I was supposed to be doing. One of the things that isn’t helping is the heat … Sister has the thermostat set for 74. I can’t deal well with that temp. I had turned it down to 70 and now to 68 after feeling how much more comfortable it is in the rest of the building. I stopped in the washroom and see that my cheeks are a deep red because of their heat. So, maybe this is all part of everything.See how we’re glossing over the food part though.
Anyway … now I have to be concentrating on what I need to do at work. I know that the computer group got off to their appointment over at the PAS agency. The director called yesterday to remind us … sheesh. Ok, maybe I deserved that. She was just protecting her resources. Ok, that is off the list. Yesterday we wrote a little program explaining the set-up. Let it go now, right?
I know if I were doing what I should do I should look at some notes and that would tell me what to do. I’m sure there are things to do before my vacation. I have tomorrow and Friday off and then the first three days next week. We had a little trouble with our best friend this morning, because he brought we had asked him about if he was going to be at work later this week … we had wanted to know if he could pick up our check. But, then it came up that I would be on vacation … and he was like no. You are wrong it’s not this week. But, I said that we used the dates he wrote down on the schedule. He looked at his book and didn’t want to admit it, but he knew I was right. Then he said in a complaining voice like what do you want to do. That felt insulting, but we pulled it together. I said that we’d hoped to spend some time with him. He may have said something about his schedule, I don’t know but I remember feeling unhappy. Then I think he asked for something specific and we said we didn’t have any plans, but then later said that he knew we wanted to go somewhere with him. But the way he booked it is that I would be lucky to get in a half day at a time, but right now the time is booked out.
On the way in to work, we were allowing more of the hurt feelings. We had made a sarcastic comment about if he had two days off he’d want to be fishing. I think his whole train of though is that I wake up with him, so that is about enough. I told him that if he wasn’t around I would read and write and go to the zoo. That’s pretty much the truth of it. We don’t have the money to go somewhere by ourselves, nor would we want to, because then we wouldn’t even get him waking up in the morning with us. Just that I want some change of view. I want to go somewhere like he gets to go somewhere. I don’t know … maybe we will skip a bill or two and take ourselves somewhere anywhere. I don’t know where I want to go, but I’m pretty sure there would be a Jacuzzi in the room.
Back again. I’ve only got 5 minutes left before I go relieve the lunch crowd. Rich came in with a black cloud over his head. I was on the phone making a reservation when he came in … It took a long time to find and now I don’t know if I got what I want. I wanted a Jacuzzi in my room. She said that it had a whirlpool, but that might be a public one. I’m not sure, but it is a suite in the Chicago-land area and the price was only $480 for four nights. So, we’ll see … she didn’t take my credit card and said if I don’t show up there will be no bill. Rich said no that he wouldn’t loan me $500 cuz he didn’t have it. I don’t understand, nor do I want to understand his money spending. Sometimes he says he has it other times he doesn’t … this time he doesn’t. So, the worst of it is that I could go. So then be it … I at least did have a plan and it included a whirlpool, pool, and suite. Hmpf! Good price too!
Better get going.
Ok, I’m back. We asked him if he still wasn’t talking to us, but he didn’t say anything. So that means he doesn’t want to talk to me or he didn’t hear me or he was too busy. Better let that one go. He left the room. I left a note on his desk that said it would be mean not to talk to me. I didn’t give them my credit card number and I just don’t have to show at 6 pm and the reservation is canceled. In the meantime … if it did make sense by Saturday night it would still be there. Oh oh he’s back … hmm, he saw the note … ripped it once and threw it away … he’s still not talking .. I guess I’m really in the doghouse now. I hate when this happens. I feel frustrated all the time I’m told no, but I can get over it … I like my friend more than that. Just that almost everything I say to him is frustrating to him.
To make things worse, when I went to get my can of pop, he was in Sr.’s office … I know she briefs him on everything, but also good chances that my name came up because officially Rich is ahead of me. So she’ll tell him everything I was told and more. He might know that staff training has been canceled over the year. Sr. said that after 3 years, they are bored with me. I think they are being bored people on their own before I stepped into the picture. In all those three years did one of them pick up a book on MR once??? They want to be entertained. I had a demonstration with an apple when the CARF person was here and the one that’s reporting directly to sister said she liked that … so now I’m being compared to that one person, though I know Sr. will take that one persons opinion even though she’ll talk to me against that person.
Hmm, now its 3 pm … and stuffs gone on … it’s been one of those days where officially not much is happening, but under the fence stuff is happening.
I just confirmed the person I thought was feeding her information. She was here to find out the dirt … first why she had an upset with the boss and then I told her about Rich having toppled the apple cart as I told her I thought he was doing earlier when I saw him in the office. He has a pattern of telling her things against what I want. But, if I weren’t doing some progressive thing he would be saying give Ann more work. I heard that’s what he was saying when I was swamped. He said that Sister didn’t want to hurt my feelings. We were discussing some of this other and I said that I didn’t think he shouldn’t talk to me, but that we are friends and that part has to happen first. But, then toward the end I was so mad at him interfering in my job plans that I asked him to go so I could cry by myself. Jeese. If you’re not going to help, the rule is that at least you shouldn’t hurt.
Afterward when I was getting my water … Sister Theresa was in the kitchen … so I said directly, that Rich had told me he was against me becoming a program director and that our agency was too small to for me to be anything besides a Q. Sister looked at me and I looked at her and we were both being direct, and I said tell me the truth, you don’t want me in the position? She wiggled out of it saying I told you give me something in writing, but first she ran down the idea. She basically holds the idea that we are the best agency in the community, and I want to be the best agency in the US. I told her that the DSPs just do whatever they want to do … and she said they follow the schedule and I said yes … they might be teaching social skills, but we have no idea what they are teaching … there’s no planning, no curriculum, and no assessments. I told her I couldn’t give her the new idea I’m just saying that we need to be looking at it. I’ve got more reading to do before I would feel qualified. Afterward I thought how in the world I am going to learn if she keeps dumping the God Damned Q job at me. I don’t want to take care of learning. I could still be interested in setting goals.
I don’t know … very frustrated, but not as much as before when Rich came over and overstated his position in my life by taking me down from the opportunity to become program director. All I know at this moment is that it’s 4:09 and I only have to work until 4:00 pm. So, I’m heading out. Better look around to see if there is anything I need here … Hmm, better check the library … hold on.
Ok, that about does it. I pulled a book on execution. Might as well go for that one too, since its such an obvious problem. We just need to keep reading and understanding. Somehow we’ll figure it out, right?
posted by Ann Marie @ 6/13/2007 04:18:00 PM
Comments: 1
