Got some stuff done, but maybe not some important stuff ... just the stuff that makes me feel better
Good morning. This is me. I’m here … you’re there … we’re meeting somewhere? Ok, so there is a little daffiness going on … that be ok, right? We’re having a morning, but not sure how long we’ll last … we’re low on sleep last night and waking up a bit too early for comfort. Hmm, I should get the coffee, right?
Ahh that’s the ticket! Had a sandwich too. That’s an acceptable breakfast? There’s a lot to write about … I started a note yesterday while working … not long just a few things in between working. But, we’re having a problem getting things posted … We need to dedicate some time, but right now time is pressing in on everything.
Yesterday was a meeting day. We met with Sister about computer stuff and then to talk a little about CARF stuff. Then there was the administration meeting, and then later there was a staff meeting. That was pretty busy … Hmm, I did something at the end of the day … we wrote up a new goal and a goal and objective sheet for one of the clients, but I forgot to put it in her mail box. I better remember to give her a call on Monday and tell her to look for it on the chair in my office, I had put it there thinking I would remember to walk it up front. *Sigh* Just a little thing, right?
There was one more meeting … that was kind of casual, but should be considered a meeting. Our peer – the other Q, came back toward the end of the day to go over a few things. That of course turns a little mush-minded as things progressed. She needed to tell me of her accidents, and having gotten a new car over the weekend and stuff. I asked my normal set of questions and felt interested in catching up where she’d been at … it was a process of being in each others’ space to get through the next inspection. We have to work more closely with one another. So, much to write about.
Let’s write as if we are going to be organized here, ok? First off, Sweetie Pie is still on vacation seeing his daughter. Today is Saturday morning at 6:30 am, and he won’t be home until late Monday night. I might have to smooch him to pieces. We’re doing good so far. He left on Tuesday afternoon. *Sigh*
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Oh dear. I just looked up and realized I’d fallen asleep and now I have 9 pages of m’s. Shoot … hate it when that happens *giggle* Ok you … up you go. Just erased those last 9 pages. I’m sure you get the idea?
Ok, now it is much later … It’s Saturday still we’re up to FINALLY the right day, and its about 12:30 pm. We talked to Rich a little earlier. He seems to be doing fine, but his voice is tentative. I don’t think he’s getting quite the reality time with his daughter as he would like. He and she are both keeping secrets from one another and it is affecting the quality of their visit. I know they both love each other, but his secrets are about his 2nd life and her secrets are about the eating.
She’s inundating him with her support network – he’s gone to school, met one of her house friends (she’s one of 3 in a house), and he’s meeting today the house friend who is her special friend. Rich says that they each had breakups recently and so he figured they were their own best support system. I’m glad she got into something that seems good for her, I’m guessing she was anorexic before getting to this space. I feel Rich as being outside the picture.
Today though is another chance. He was going over with drill to do some work on the furniture he brought up. He is going to put it together for her. I think he got some sleep yesterday, and then went out to a party with her and her friends. I don’t know how he feels about that. We were very lucky in that with the cell phone, we are now able to make more personal calls. We talked 4-5 times on the long day he was driving. I was hoping we’d break-up some spells of time for him so that it would not be so long. He seemed more and more comfortable with the calls as we went along. It gave both of us a window into how he was looking at things between 2-3 hours of time. And, it allowed me to feel safer not only because he was on the road, but I just feel anxiety sometimes in being out of touch. I’m afraid he got in late – about 11 pm, but we really did push him the next day to be getting in that nap. I know he’s glad he went … I don’t remember because we’ve been doing such a poor job of posting, until today, but if you are not aware, Rich left Tuesday night, spent an evening with his older son, and then traveled down to New Mexico the next day to be with his daughter. He’s planning on coming back on late Monday night.
So, that is where we are at with that!
As to work, everything is going along fine considering it has been the third week before CARF gets here. I was able to do moderate amounts of work. I stayed after to make up time I felt I was losing during the day. This was especially easy with Rich gone. We wrote sometime during the week a condensed plan listing all the things we had to check on. We gave paperwork to Sr. Theresa, and we started filling in Sr. and Holly on parts we thought they should be prepared for. Holly, especially stated that she didn’t want to look at CARF until about this time. After Sr. had walked out of the meeting for a phone call and didn’t come back, we felt rather frustrated in that they keep impressing on us that CARF is our problem with the implication it is not theres. BUT, if we don’t get good marks, then that will be on our back as well, and that will carry over. I’m especially worried about the things that aren’t completed AND the Performance Analysis … I think I was supposed to do something with the one from the 3 years ago, and to be honest I’d have to look for the report. I’m still not sure if its going to make it past inspection. I am worried that there are only 3 clients that we reported on. Sr. and Rich were pushing me to get it out and then there has been so many things since. I’m going to need being careful that I don’t complain to the surveyor on how this has been dumped on my lap even though the theory is that the whole team and staff are working on it all the time. It is just not happening like that. I am aware through meetings that CARF knows about and frowns on this kind of arrangement. The one lady teased about some guy named Herbert down in the basement doing all the work. I am a Herbert.
We tried to get sister to at least look at what corporate compliance is. She wanted to get buy with saying that the corporation has a formal document stating its purposes so that should have been enough. I read into the work yesterday and I found that CARF wanted us to be knowledgeable about a US Sentencing document that is 665 pages long. We skimmed through the table of contents and found 5 pages about 400 pages in that discussed how to make a compliance plan. It though pointed to other corporation for documents that could be examples. It’s doable, but like everything else is going to take time. Things like I did this morning in getting us back on track with the blog were essential, because I felt lost within our time.
Sister said she would look at the 5 pages finally over the weekend, but she stressed it was stressing her nerves. I gave her some other documents on general planning and risk management. That was a piece of work as well. But, we’re going to try moving on. I don’t like that Sister has given me these tasks with so many others, and then yelled at us for not getting things done sooner. Like 5 months ago. It seems very unfair, but I’m dealing with it the best I can. I brought home three sections to work on, but I’m as well two weeks late with school work. Very much is in jeopardy and it is Rich who is trying to convince our system of that reality.
But, I’m lost between keeping us balanced, including the health, doing business, in particular ethics, risk management, and corporate compliance, and then the last part school both the old paper and the new.
The surveyor is coming in two weeks. Everything is on a deadline, and yet we step back as if there were no tomorrow. It’s something I have to do to maintain my sanity. There have been a few questions as to suicidal, but I know that isn’t really an option, just something I have to keep in check. Particularly, because I want so much to live with our hunny bunny into the rest of a long life. As to how that all went down with him, he had to come to a gentle point of telling me that he wouldn’t be able to do anything for now, so the house I’d fallen obsessively over, would most likely be gone before he could consider purchasing for real. But, I know how close he was to getting a realtor in Brookfield. With only 9 years left before he retires, I just know in my heart that the investment he should and can be making is in vacation property. I did win one battle of sorts. He seems to think that Saugatuck, Michigan might be a good place. There were many reasons I thought for this. It is a city with a couple lakes and right on Lake Michigan, and you could get houses too along a stream. It is very important that Rich be able to be in a fishing community. Next, there were golf courses within the town, even though the town only has about 1,000 natives, it is said that it grows to 3,000 in the summer months. It’s mostly a place for tourism. The number of stores it contains are just phenomenal and it holds a lot of special events such as a film festival, parades, and art shows. It’s a little Mecca of cultural developed space that brags of itself being an art colony. I like the thought of being among so many talented creative people. I also like all this because I can imagine my boys and Rich’s kids coming there and being totally captivated in what’s being offered. Rich’s kids would be more into the city and cultural things, where mine might appreciate some of the more active things such as fishing and dune buggy riding. I would be pleased out of my mind if Rich were to teach our boys golfing and fishing. I think it would add to their life tremendously.
Rich at one point acknowledged that a vacation spot in general wasn’t a bad idea, but he had been thinking a cozy two-some. As much as I entirely love to be with my Sweetie Pie, I feel an obligation as a mother to provide a space where people can be meeting. I love the part that it was only 2 ½ hours away, so accessible for weekends, and I loved the part where you could buy so much, for relatively little.
We are adamant about needing a place with 4 bedrooms. We’re still figuring 1 bedroom for Rich and us – him in a bed and us in a recliner – specially since the C-pap machine gets us not to be snoring. AND then! We could devote 3 bedrooms for the kids. In my way of looking at things, I would love the kids to come up in combinations, but at the least, he would be able to give a room each then to Jon, Jillian and Chris if they were to meet all there for example Christmas, or if it were my boys time, there would be room for Joe, Maury and Lauren, and then in the third room … the girls. Absolutely, I’d love to add Thom, it would naturally be no trouble that someone would double up or end up in the family room.
Yes, I’m absolutely sure that 4 bedrooms is essential. I don’t think that Rich has much experience with families and “cottages,” but I feel fairly well versed at the moment. I can acknowledge there’d be a lot to learn, but things such as hired help to watch over the place, keep it looking spiffy, and maid service after a big weekend would all be necessary. It’s one thing to wash one set of bedding materials after we leave, it would be another to work on 4 rooms, plus general picking up.
This is the kind of thing that would work into my retirement plans as well. If I can continue with school seriously, I would think that in 9-10 years when Rich is ready to retire, he will be able to do ball games up north and I will be able to write from home. I don’t think I need to be in Chicago, but at worst we could hold on to the apartment. The thing is in 10 years; we could live comfortable up in Michigan and be saving the rent of $870 each month. I may not be bringing in much, but we’re not going to have to cost more. I think together, we are going to do just fine.
I was a little worried yesterday, because I was over at Rich’s wife’s site. She had sent me the link and we’ve been dealing with that situation since. She states on her short-versed site that she was daunted being single after being married for 35 years, and then she parenthesized (or so it was called). That was terrible. She talked about changes in appearance and that she’d like to retire and either continue her education or travel, then later she scoffed at Rich being rich. At least that’s my interpretation of it. She also compared her marriage to her father and mother as all being deceased an she added that her siblings were indifferent. She thought that money could buy her happiness and that she had affected her children in their not having kids. I thought each of these statements as cruel. What kind of mother doesn’t want her kids to have children? Kid’s are God’s blessings. I suppose this goes with the statement that Rich had made on her telling the kids she hated them.
That’s about the most terrible thing you could say to a kid. It’s just abhorrent.
I know Rich coddles the situation by saying that she’s just like that, but I don’t see how any of them has to put up – including Rich – with someone hating them. I guess that’s the way I look at the abuse from the past as if I were hated, so I could distance myself away from that kind of anger and be self-nestled per se. She ends her litany with an Amen as if her statements were verified personally by God.
It just doesn’t make sense, but again, I am at the post-barrier of where I should be. This woman needs to be put aside. I can choose not to entertain her madness.
So, with that … what thing more pleasant could I consider? Hmm, one thing more that was not so good, was that I had been working with so much focus that I forgot my doctor appointment with Dr. Marvin. Fortunately, he let us talk for the last half hour. I think I talked most of my Sweetie Pie and Work. Maybe a little on the walking. We are looking forward to trying that again today. It’s 1:30 now and we figure we should shower about 2 pm, and drive over about 3 pm. Maybe a little later, because today they are open until 6 pm. It’s nice to go there after some of the people who’ve been all day are leaving. That’s one of the benefits of being so close. I can’t remember what Dr. Marvin was saying. I think it was ok … I think we’d sent him something in the mail … he had seen the pictures. Most likely he’d seen the thing on the house and we talked about that. It’s just that my mind gets so cluttered and without posting, we haven’t been able to release thoughts within our mind. We’re getting there though!
Hmm, we haven’t talked too much this week about the exercise program and how it is going. We had made a chart about a week or so ago with measurements and stuff. We got too overwhelmed though with the work. There were some parts we kept up such as wearing the meters, but we were not able to continue with the recording. I thought it pretty good in that we went out again yesterday, but we didn’t get very far. We got off work at about 6 – 6:30 pm Got to the park we’d walked before, but it was about 7 pm and police had pulled up behind us to check us out and parked a little ways away. After we’d gotten out the wheelchair which was a concern, because it had rained a little of and on on the way home, the police said through their intercom that they’d be closing the gates in about 25 minutes. We acknowledged them and walked as far as we could, but not that far and then we sat down again, before coming back. I guess we were feeling a little passive-aggressive, because we sat down again before we moved the chair in the back-end. Well, that and we needed the rest.
I didn’t really feel like driving home, because we felt we’d just gotten out and the air was feeling so good against our skin from the open window. Somehow during the drive toward home we got in our mind that we might want a drink first. So, we went over to Villa Maria, because they have usually a fairly empty bar and less people in the restaurant. Beside I think their wait staff are pretty nice. I had in mind that when we got there, we could call Deb, and as it turned out that was a good plan. We had a very nice conversation as we shared some fried mushrooms, a couple of bloody Mary’s and some vanilla ice cream with chocolate and whip crème! Woo HOOO pretty fancy Friday out! She drove back with me and we sat out in back for a while just breathing in air. And, then she walked up with us and we talked further past the phone dying on me, up until about 10 or so, I guess, don’t really know. Deb’s a good person to relax with it takes me a while to wind down. After a while I realize how much it is nice to talk of little things that aren’t life and death or so it would seem. I even got to talk with David … he told me a little story and we teased back and forth. But, mostly it was Deb and us. She’s just so gosh darn nice! And, you know what? She doesn’t seem to mind us? Hard to understand all that.
Hmm, we’re getting to that time where we should be taking a shower. That seems to be working up as one of the day’s highlights. That and the posting. We’re thinking of opening up the room to at least two people. V and Deb. They were our most regular readers, and then maybe Lori and Christina. We need to consider this seriously though. I have enjoyed some of the privacy we’ve been having since the big switch. But, then too it can get a little lonely. I don’t like that we stopped posting for about a week. We were still writing, but the thought had turned to … it doesn’t really matter. But, yet it did. It mattered to us, because we couldn’t skim easily to see where we were at and the feeling of being behind in even this aspect was daunting. I think it’s kind of hard because it limits us to what we are talking about to a small degree. We’ve made decisions to try and show our better selves, in that we don’t talk about the functioning of sex, show naked pictures, or talk very negatively about people. We’ve long since made the choice not to talk about V and we try and do the same with Deb. We’ve opened up a little in talking about the kids and grandchildren, but nothing heavy duty. Just a paragraph or so periodically. D*** I forgot I could have gone to Ame’s soccer game. Shoot, didn’t mean to miss that. Just we forget stuff. *Heavy Sigh* Shoot … had really wanted to go … why couldn’t we hold that in memory? Ok, shhhh shhhh, be nice. You gotta be nice to yourself too! I know, I know … spose its not going to help thinking of it now … Shoot.
Since the changes … and because of the privacy, we’ve been using our most familiar peoples’ names. But, I know that I use these names with these people anyway. I don’t think I can fairly give out my thinking here as to why or why not I should open the door – just to these two people. I know Rich is ok with these two people … he knows them and their affect on my life … I’m not sure why they would like to read, there is an unlimited amount of cooing over my Sweetie Pie and Honey Bear by myselves. But, it seems like these people accept that. We write such long, long posts … I don’t want to feel guilty for doing this … shhh, we weren’t going into details, remember? I think we want to do this … I think it is going to have to be gut level.
Ok. Let’s say that’s said and done. I think we’re going to take a break here for a shower … it’s 2:30 pm. We’ll set a new Zoo goal for 3:30 – latest 4 pm. Let’s see how that works. I’d like to think over some Sweetie Pie thoughts when we get back.
Not just in what he’s doing, but maybe more something that equals the throbbing in my heart toward him. Ok, that’s enough now … go … shoo!
Woo Hooo!!! You’re back! So how the h*()& are you? Well, we can report that the showering and dressing have gone successfully, and we still got some time to spare.
Everything, of course, is fitting snuggly. Somehow I’ve got to just beat something. I’m still trying … I hope that counts towards what I owe my body … there is a lot of resistance though. But I’ve eaten good today, maybe the rest of the day, and maybe the exercise. Trying now not to be overly challenged by our obstacles … I can do this right, just a little walk around the park. This should be doable. Every step has to count … and speaking of might we not consider the meters? Hmm, let’s check in.
Ok, very good. Numbers aren’t great, but something is recorded … that’s a step in the right direction. Running them across? Weight 324.2, blood pressure 110/60, pulse 76, blood glucose 120, time on clock 1 min, steps 142, calories 4, miles .04, transgression – I’ve been missing 4 days, and last phone minutes … I’ve got 392 min/23 days remaining or 87%. Ok, girls … we could do better. But, at least let’s keep this going forward. If we were doing real good we would list foods eaten today, but I’m not sure we’re up to that … hmm? Ok, that’s not too bad … calories 792, fat 11 grams (6%), carbs 136 grams (69%), protein 50 grams (25%), total 197 grams
Hmm, that was interesting. We went over all the food choices. The program we have shows colored and labeled bars to match the amount of each of the 19 track able parts to food like carbs, vitamins, minerals, fats, etc. It seems that the bad stuff is the browns, reds, orange, gold and yellow … kind of the warm/hot colors.
Greens are stuff good for you within the right amount such as salt, potassium, carbohydrates, and three different fibers. Sugar is between that and protein with an aqua compared to green to blue, which is protein. And, then your vitamins, calcium and iron is purples to pinks … with alcohol trailing last. They say 0% is a good amount hehehe. I think I’ll be able to watch the color bars more easily now. The color for calories itself is a hot orange … suppose that could represent part of the danger numbers. Grams total in each food is colored blue like protein so that must be acceptable to some extent. Not really sure how all that works. Would be a good idea to sometime go back and read some of that info, but it was just so gosh darn old. Hmpf. Maybe of some worth!
Ok, coming to grips with reality. It is almost 4 pm. I think we’re going to need stopping in the washroom, and then get on our way. Hmm? Looks a little overcast today, but doable. Hope it’s not going to rain. Ok, move yourselves girls … it’s time!
WooHooo … we’re back!
Look for pictures!
posted by Ann Marie @ 5/05/2007 10:05:00 PM
Comments: 0
