Ayn's Multiple World

Ok, Let's talk just a LITTLE obsessive??

Good morning. This is me … checking in … And, do you know what? It’s SATURDAY!!!! By far and away the most glorious day of the week. It’s about 5 am and we’ve been up for an hour. I’m a little groggy because we were just petting Chief an had fallen asleep nuzzled with my cheek against his fur. He would rather I not do that, but we get kind of slumbery. So now he’s sitting to my right wrist … contemplating whether I’m a complete lost cause or if he should try getting more tummy petting accomplished. We’re pretty sure any more of that behavior and we’re going to be back in bed again. Hmm, he’s thinking maybe, maybe. We reminded him that he should be having OTHER cat things to be doing … case in point although it’s dark the little birdies are singing outside.

Whoops … Chief won out … It’s now 6:30 am and we’re just getting up from taking a cat nap with the sneaky bums. Where they got me was that Chief had whispered into my ear … “Hey, I know, let’s go take a nap in Rich’s room!” Ohhhh man that cat has got it going on. So, we snuck on in there and basked in those warm and wonderfully feelings that are associate with him, and yes … the kitty got petted. Man … damn sneaky cats!



Ok, one little yawn, but that’s about enough of that, hmm? Heheh … we sent a little note of the above to a certain fishy-type friend. Now all I want to think about is him. I know, I know done that been there. BUT, he’s still my favorite thought. Except now all we have to do is manage to wait about 36 hours … Shoot, that’s a long time.

Ok, we’re not getting anywhere fast here. We have gotten to being 45 minutes later than the last time notation and we’ve not done much but sit here in a half comatose manner. That’s not going to go. What’s up with that? We have to be thinking here. One of the not so good thoughts is that we rediscovered that our friend had left us with $16 … we had told him, please don’t leave us with money … we’ll just go out and spend it. I’d forgotten about it, but now its on our mind and we’re thinking, “what shall we spend it on???” Our preference, of course, is to eat with it. $16 can be a lot or a little, depending on what one wants to buy. We’re saying to ourselves NOOOOO you don’t want Dunkin Donuts. Hmmm? Pretty sure that would be a bad idea. Beside, there would be a crowd today at this time AND we’ve done good not shopping out all those other days, and maybe we could spend on something else … AHEM, or we COULD just SAVE IT!

There was some other money news this morning. We got an early morning email saying that our extra school loan is in – we had it direct deposited. That’s nice. AND, we checked and this morning it’s already posted … I don’t know how that happened, but that’s nice too. We owe the money to our friend so we sent him along a note asking did he want it in cash or check. Hmm, we could get a money order too. I am wondering how long you can hold on to those things. Is there a 6 month limitation?

Eh, we’ll let our friend decide. I’m thinking that he already knows where that money is going to go. So, that being the excitement that is now already gone.

Let’s be moving on. Hmm, I would like to figure out one thing in have we paid him back enough. Let me see if I can find that one financial sheet, hold on.

WooHOOO … I think we got it about covered. The debt had grown mostly due to the dentist to $2,130 I had projected through May 1, and I know that money had also covered groceries through that time. I could probably go back to through the blog to figure out how exactly, but it’s close enough because I knew at the time I was using that figure … probably about end of February that was the amount. I had projected further ahead so I could pay the right amount without cheating him. The school loan is about $75 more, but I figured that will help to cover for the times since I’ve asked for $10 to $20 for one reason or another. Chances are he’s paid out more, but not by a whole lot unless I’m missing some big thing, but I’m pretty sure we covered our medicines and the $100 he loaned us for the boys last weekend was paid back within a day or two. I know that we’d given him the money before he left for his fishing trip. He wanted to leave us $130 or so to get a new outfit … he’s complaining about stains on the front of one of our outfits. I know we only have a few outfits and they are old some 4-5 years now, but I couldn’t handle the shopping. And, we pretty much begged him not to leave that much money with us. It be too easy for us to spend it on something that shouldn’t be spended on.

The next thing we have to worry about is that after this debt gets paid off, he’s going to want to put money toward rent or something. We’ve been doing fine with the part that he is covering groceries. That keeps it reasonably at about that $200 mark. The home expenses are basically only rent, electric, and cable. I Figure that would come to $1,040. If that was halved it would be $520, and we could say $220 for groceries … and then maximum if he were paying anything would $300. The only problem there would be that if I got used to having an extra $300 then I would want to be spending it … Maybe if anything, he could hold an account for us … oh yeah … we want to change the cable so that he could have wireless here and more TV channels. So, maybe that amount would come down to $250. Ok, then that has to be a bottom line goal is that he not spend any more than $250-300 on us a month.

Hopefully, less and we can build up some kind of credit account. I could understand his desire to get me into proper clothing, but my preference is to not spend a couple hundred dollars a month on just clothes. And, to make things even MORE preferable. He would simply take the gift we’ve offered in not spending his money on our rent. The only problem then is if we don’t consider him paying in then its going to stay my apartment and that will make him feel guilty for staying here. I would like him to think that it’s both his and ours.

We’ll have to see, but this much is good, because I have at least a ceiling amount. He’s going to have to count on extra for right now because if his son isn’t coming over then it means paying extra to be eating out with him a couple times a week just so they can meet. That should be counted toward his already paying expenses too. Ok, ok … that’s enough of that we’re getting a don’t want to think of money headache. One other last thing though that I should probably count on is that … he’ll have had a chance to think over things on his trip. He might have laid down other plans including living somewhere else and if those plans were made then I might not have anything further to say about that. Have to let it go. I think if he were to move out, I would keep the master bedroom open and available to him. Of course, we’d keep making whoopee in there, but as well it would be open as to closet and dresser so that he could have nights where he’d sleep over. He could leave some things here to make that easier. I’m not going to have any sudden need for that space anyway. I’d always had two bedrooms thinking that someone might want to stay with me again. Ok, let’s turn the course of conversation now, ok?

Well its not as much I’m trying to rush through it. Just that it hurts a bit because I feel I have no control as to him leaving or not. It’s been so terribly nice to have him here … I would like to think that if his wife is going to want to live at the house for a couple of years, that he not purchase something until after she has moved. I think he has a tax write off there still. I don’t know if she’s going to want in her 50-50 so-called split for him to pay the house and give her 50% of the balance, or if her 50% is going into the house payment. That will come out down the line when he figures out or asks a lawyer to interpret the divisions of stuff. I think its all kind of strange, because I don’t remember all of this from the divorce, or for sure after the first week or two having already a planned out strategy. It was more that we were going to get whatever it was he was giving us and that was that. I find it kind of jealousy like that she could get such a generous alimony when I had to work so hard just to get the $600 child support and no alimony. I think though that it would be fair she got only 50% of the JVS money, and if she were to consider baseball and St Rose or other shops, that she would have to consider her salary added in too. Otherwise it could be argued that she was getting the house and more money available to her than Rich was getting. I know that he want to somewhat protect her for a little while, but then too one would have to ask … isn’t she getting all that money from her parents too? How much does this lady get to have? I think that that money account has to be brought up because it is part of joint income … and for him not to even be getting a figure amount to work around … that would be unreasonable. I think Rich has the grand settlement amount of about $40,000 a year for the next 9 years – so that would make it about $360,000. But, if she’s getting right at the start $100,000 from her inheritance, then let’s see that taken down to $30,000 a year. AND, if she’s going to stay in the house, there has to be a stated method for making the extra payments for things that go wrong. That should be at least a 50-50 split too to keep her from asking for more than she deserves.

Damn we’re into it … we’re not supposed to be here … not our business, right? Well, what happened we could bring something up, but then stay away from decisions being made. That would work, wouldn’t it. Shhhhh, ok, ok … we’re going to have to back out of this again. Best thing is for Rich to get a lawyer who would be willing to stand up for his rights. He’s got to be able to say he has some. Thinking whether it would be to his advantage to pay some expenses here according “real expenses.”

Shoot, even if he were to pay $520, he’d be paying only 15% of the cost his wife would be spending. That would mean that she is spending $3,330 a month. Wow.

Certainly more than I am earning. I guess I shouldn’t feel so bad about the $520.

It just that it wrecks up the good feelings I’m having about him staying with us as a gift. I could see with that kind of money why he might be feeling bad about not spending more in this direction. Just that I don’t want to get into the feeling that he has to be paying here … I think he’s been taken by at least one woman too many already. Ok, ok … need to see where things are going to land. For now though we have our max set at $520 and if he gets extra cable we’ll take that down some more. Maybe if anything were to change I should probably get a cell phone and some clothes, oh and we could get the treadmill fixed or replaced that would be a good idea too. I still like the idea of pushing ourselves to get on it while he is cooking … we need to start somewhere toward getting us back to the gym. Those seem to be our present needs. That’s enough. Yes, good idea not to way so much … and the funny part … the mirror that was requested before hehehe … I could have never known it then, but in fact the machine got moved in front of the back bedroom mirror set up on the door. I think that’s pretty funny. Well, not real funny, but at least ironic.

Ok, ok … 8:30 almost time to be for sure moving on. Hmm, so where do we go from here? By now we can be pretty sure that our fishy friend is out there on the boat.

It seems to be a pretty good day … maybe a little overcast, but not much … let’s check the weather forecast. Wow, pretty good. I’m not sure what it is like 5 hours south of here, but today and tomorrow here its in the nice 70’s and although its supposed to be windy tomorrow there will be lots of sunshine. We’ll start to get scattered thunderstorms Sunday night, but he’ll finish fishing around noon. Then it looks like Monday through Friday next week there will be a variety of clouds, rain, and thunderstorms. I guess fishyman played his cards right! YAYYY fishyman!!!

Hmm, while over there on the net, we stopped to play a couple of videos … there were some funny ones of a bunch of bunnies and a couple dogs, one attacking the flushed toilet, and then there was a very interesting one where this cat was learning to walk on a treadmill. For obvious reasons that interested us a lot although our kitties haven’t shown that much talent, but then the last video was soooo funny. It was of another cat being trained on a treadmill. The owner held the cat over the machine lowered paws down, but the kitty kept duck under so he was turned at these crazy angles. It was like he was trying to flow with the stream. The owner was laughing hard so that kind of took up some contagion. WEEE thought it was silly.

Hehehe



Oh man … one more set of shots please … and we mean that almost literally. These next two pictures are of a beauty queen from 1944 by the name of Venus Ramey who is 82 years old now. Miss America is in the headlines today for shooting the tires out of an intruders car. She used a snub-nosed .38-caliber gun and had stated that if he’d tried to attack her he’d have been put 6 feet under. Instead 911 was called and he was taken away … Pretty gutsy broad don’t you think!??





Gotta love the woman. Not sure if she should have the gun though. I understand them to be dangerous!

Hehehe ok ok … we’re moving on sure … we are.

Still sick about the wagon … we’ paid $5000 more for it than would have been a brand new one, not one that was 14,000 miles. I think we’re going to need talking to our friend or doctor about it … it was a very expensive error and we have to process it someway … so far, we’ve been so embarrassed that we don’t want to bring it up, but that is just feeding our guilt. It serves us right I guess for not doing our research … we had been so excited that someone was going to sell us a car, we didn’t go into it very deeply. There were cues, but we didn’t recognize them at the time.

Ok, you … for now let’s not get buried into it.

What’s next. 9:15 … we are going to need getting into our schoolwork sometime, preferably this morning yet, but it feels like we didn’t get any real post writing done. Where are our thoughts anyway. Aha … crackers and butter … that’s where they are. Ok, ok … we can do better than that. Let’s go down the list. To start off our email and Internet is done or at least caught up … nothing to say about that.

Oh yeah and we just remembered to take our medicine … that’s about 3 hours late, but we figure better than nothing. Maybe it explains why we’re having so much trouble calming down. I don’t think we’ve though too indepthly today. Not even sure what to think about. Oh that’s right, we were going to go down a list.

Anything on Sweetie Pie … well yes, theoretically, we’ve already done him, but we’re starting over again, right? Let’s see … Sweetie Pie is fishing … this is his actual 4th day out of 5 doing this. We talked to him last night, but only long enough to say good night. He asked how we were doing, but we told him we just wanted to be in his fishy world for a moment and that everything here was fine. He had had to call us back because he had picked up too close to his guy friends. It is a long time to be away from kissy-face. The call was no more than 1-2 minutes, but it helped us get through the night. I didn’t learn anything new, but that he was going to bring me home some fishy stories. It’s ok to let him know that we’re thinking of him at least, right? I told him, he could have let our call go on hold, but he said all the calls were important. That kind of gave me the idea he might have been taking calls from his kids too. Probably during the day as well, but I would have hoped for his partner’s sake he’d have put down the phone and relaxed. We called about 7:30 pm, and I would guess his clock to be an hour ahead. I sure hope he is doing ok … this is the time he lives for, but I worry about him sometimes being lonely in a crowd. I don’t know … maybe he’ll get a chance to do some real man-talking … I hope so. Figure it be good for him to get some things off his chest.

I don’t know how many of the 25 went down. I think they are like 4-5 boats short each time, but couldn’t bet on it. I know you really do have to fish most of the events to keep up with the point system. We’ll see how all that goes by tomorrow.

We will be so happy to have him tucked in at home. I think he’s safe when out with the guys … but, he’s so toasty warm next to me too!

Ok, any real talk to get through, or are we just going to sit around being mushy-faced?? Hmm, one thing we didn’t do while he was gone this week was do any real house cleaning. We’re sorta managing to keep up with general picking up though we’ve slipped a bit … there is one dress in the living room, one bowl, and 6 water bottles. Tsh, tsch, tsch … I think I could clean it all up within one or two up-times, just that there is from that a little feeling sorry for ourselves. And, we’re back to that $16 burning a hole in our pocket. Anything yet to spend on??

It’s not enough to go out for a real dinner AND he says we get Chinese when he returns. It is enough to pick-up something. Have to think more broadly … maybe there is something we need at Walgreen’s? Hmm, maybe that is something?? Maybe we could pick up some new flowers for the kitchen table? Hmm?? That would be nice surprise for him! Take a lot for us not to pick up some food thing though. AND, we’re still nursing along the last flower. He would like to know that we didn’t kill it! Let’s go back to Walgreen’s … we’re going to need vitamins soon, but that’s no fun. We better skip the candy aisle. We don’t need any desk supplies and we don’t do make-up … hmm, that’s right we have to take a shower still. That’s probably a good idea to get us dressed and stuff.

Hmm, then there is like shampoo … well, that is something we may need, but we might try our friends first … I think we can do that and still have extra rinse left. Ok, no shampoo. Got about everything else. We’d gone shopping right before he left. I really don’t have any ticket items, I’m looking for. Pretty satisfied with what we got. Bothers me that we don’t have something to spend on? Hmm, maybe we’re going to need it for gas! AHA! We could do gas maybe and maybe then even a car wash? Car’s not real dirty though. Maybe there is something we could buy for Sweetie!

Not even enough though for a $20 gift certificate. Maybe he’d prefer the cash back? He’d probably say keep it you need to have some cash. We did pretty good this week. We spent $5 on something though … what was it? Hmm, think after we spent the $8 on fruit and $19 at Walgreen’s. shoot, now I don’t remember. Eh, best to let it go. Trivial stuff.

Shoot, the thing about it is is that $16 is a perfectly good adventure. Should be able to get something with that much money. Kind of a treat for doing so good. You know so far … flowers seems to be the best deal. I’d like to put some in Sweeties bedroom though. Something to make it a little special. Is there room? Hmm, we didn’t finish cleaning out the 2nd side of the closet, the dirty clothes, or the second dresser. What’s up with that? Maybe we better take a peek and see how it approaches us. BRB.

Ahh … there was a little progress. We cleaned out 2 of the 4 drawers in the mirror dresser. The other side is going to have a lot of electrical things in it … we’ll have to make decisions to throw or add with our box for computer stuff. That is unless we can find another box to hold the wires. It’s our miscellaneous wire drawers. The first two drawers had a lot of hair scrunchies and some desk things … we sorted it out pretty good. There were a few keepsakes too, like some needlework projects we’d worked on since the first year of marriage and prior. One of them I just loved. It was a copy of some eeyore type animals that I lifted from the wallpaper that had gone in on one of his walls in his nursery … It is about a foot x foot, but there is a couple of inches not completed. I would love to give it to him. Pretty sure, he’s not going to remember it. Make a nice gift none-the-less.

I loved that wallpaper … In its original form it was of those donkey-like creatures climbing up a rope trellis, but my version I’d made them crawling up into the clouds. I wish I would have finished it. But, I’m pretty sure the yarn is gone for good. Even left undone … it would make a nice project to have framed. I wonder if Lauren would finish it for us. Not much left from that time.

I also found my small bracelet-size box of polished rocks from Dr. Woolcott and my girl scout sash. Woo HOO. There was one extra patch from when we hiked 60 miles of Isle Royale up in northern Minnesota. Figured we better keep that too. I also kept 7-8 little army men that Joe and Maury were painting … I think it was Maury mostly … he was involved with some game where they met up in a mall store and it had been pretty fun for him at the time. I think it was his transition from youth to young adult … about the time he was living here previous to getting married. It’s funny what all memories are brought forward with these little trips into the recesses of my space. It’s a good thing to progress. I think all along, we made choices to keep or throw. It isn’t any different right now. I think we’re better at throwing away some of the things that have broken or expired. For example … as much as I loved that Scout stapler, if it isn’t going to work, it needs to go. Same with the nifty neato hair thingies that held 2 yards of hair, it just isn’t going to happen anymore. No reason to keep grieving over it.

I counted the boxes in the bedroom. I think there are about 14-15 of them … some we’re still buried under blankets. Pswhoo … found a perfume too … figured out that still works! One of the blankets bed spreads will go the next time up. It was a leftover from my mother-in-law and I’d used it for years, though it grew ragged.

I’m for sure going to throw that away. There’s another green blanket – one of those fuzzy types that will also go. It had been thread bare, but I kept keeping it thinking I’m going to need that extra blanket some time. Yeah right?! There is one blue flowered quilted type I will keep and my fuzzy purple one. I think otherwise it’s got to go. I saw one more leather back pack in there, though I didn’t recall using it. It will probably get kept, because I like the bags, but I need to get to the boxes and start going through them. If I could hold it down to just 6-8 boxes, I would be happy. We are still having trouble letting go of the stuffed animals though. When I’d retrieved the inline skates for my daughter-in-law, I saw the one tall stuffed she-cow in the dumpster. It nearly broke my heart. I know the ones that can’t be washed have to go, but it is difficult. I toy with leaving them out about the back bedroom, but I don’t think they are very male like to have in the apartment. I don’t want to give the wrong impression if someone were to come over, but I still have a lot of life invested in some of those animals. We’ll have to see. I think though it is part of my hesitation in opening boxes … I would have to make those firm decisions to let at least some of them go. I’m thinking right now too … that Rich should have some space in the living room to put some of his things, but I am thinking he’s going to want to save them to his storage until he can move into his own place.

I think our sweetie is a little scared of getting his own place, because he’s never had one. He moved from his mother’s place to a friends place, to his marital space. He’s never lived on his own. I think for that very reason more than any other, I think he really is going to need being on his own … It’s important in everyone’s life to establish for yourself your own space. I wouldn’t have known it if I hadn’t lived on my own. Although, I want very much to live with Rich, because I like so many of the fringe benefits, of wall to wall snuggling, I have to think what’s in his best interest. And, as long as he’s telling me he has this need, then it will be up to us to honor it without being overly melodramatic. It’s hard though. It’s the same pre-thought when Maury and Thom moved in. I knew they’d move on and it would be hard to readjust to the aloneness. I don’t mind most the stuff like now, or getting up in the morning or going to bed late, it’s just that given an option, I like too doing that 20 minutes snuggle with sweetie pie, and then that space where we talk at the table. I do think if he were going to go, that the best transition, would be if he could get a place here for a couple of years in the apartment. Then we could take turns sitting at each others kitchen table. But I wouldn’t like it if I had to get dressed and in the car to visit. If it were a choice between getting to visit in pjs, or needing to do so in another apartment, I might try that. It’s just that I really don’t think its possible for him to find a 3 flat that’s going to have the kind of space as we find here. I think he understands the importance of getting parking, but the odds of getting a balcony too? Still there is one more consideration. And, that’s what suburb would he choose. What would I do if he tried to insist living more economically in Berwyn or Cicero. I just don’t think I could handle it. Especially after reading that last article on how big the rat problem is there. Rich told us a little story of capturing rats in Cicero when he was a kid and his friends setting fire to them.

Man oh man … just wouldn’t want to go there. Also there is a problem of him being to busy to maintain a large place properly. As much as he think he could do it, I’ve seen how long its taken him to accomplish projects at home and here, like getting the chair fixed or helping me hang the curtains in the back. I just don’t want to buy into he’s going to become a handiman over night.

This is particularly true, because I think things are falling for him in that he’s got a couple more side job offers. I think that is going to take more time than he has now and the only foreseeable way that is going to happen is for him to give up some more home time, where previously he’d sat around and calmed down to television at night. I’ve got things to be doing so, I don’t think its as much a problem for me as it is him. I would be satisfied just to have him in the room or apartment. I think it would be much more difficult if he was however in another apartment. At least if he’s here … vicariously we can share the space. And, of course, there would be the random moments of getting up to rub his back. I really have simple plans only for our time together. Oh yeah … One other thing I found this morning?

In the back bedroom when I went to put something away, I found that map the wonderful Brookfield Zoo people had fixed for us showing us all the park benches.

It was very detailed.

Ahh, been looking over the zoo stuff. I think they are going to have new pricing go into affect sometime soon, so it’s hard to know whether to wait or get something now. The prices for 2 people, plus or minus family benefits is $59 to $94 per year. The first gets in two adults and free parking at the big one, but not many side benefits. The second gets you into dolphin shows, the kids special areas, and the safari ride. Think it would be worthwhile to do the second one, but the two adults have to be from the same household. Hmm, the $94 package gets you also though the 1 free guest on each visit – so for that extra $35 per year, you get unlimited free visits to the children’s zoo and unlimited free admission to the play zoo, plus 4 free dolphin shows and 4 free safaris. PLUS, if you chose the $94 package you get the option of free admission for Grandchildren under 18. So, theoretically, I could go with Maury, and get in him and the 2 girls. Just they’d have to keep parking me on benches. I think that though alone tips the scales in favor of getting that package. I would hope then under that deal my guests would get into the kids places. I think they are about at that age, Ame would appreciate being at the zoo. Ok, that’s the deal we’re going to go for … WooHoo. I think the one bad thing though is that the zoo doesn’t have very good hours … they open from 9:30 or 10 am and close between 5 and 6 pm. So, that is only like 7 to 8.5 hours available, which isn’t a bad deal, but it is during prime daytime where I don’t know if Rich and us are going to be available. *Sigh* Well, at least I know what to tell him. We just don’t know what the changes are going to be. I don’t think Rich is going to allow us to get by with a wheel chair

Hmm, been obsessed with wheel chairs now for several hours. I’m looking at one called an XS-7 heavy Duty Wheelchair for $299 with free shipping from 1-800-Wheelchair.com (1-800-320-7140).





So, this would be the deal.







Ok … here we are busted. Our Sweetie Pie called about 15 minutes ago. It’s now 8 pm. We’ve been obsessive since pretty much since we’ve started looking at the zoo and wheel chair. We had spent a long time looking at the above items, and then Deb came by and said that we should look at Dr. Leonard’s and then Carolyn Wright’s stuff well she didn’t say we should look at it all evening, but she left and we looked and looked and looked. I think except when the last 3 pages froze … we looked at every link in the store with the exception of men’s clothing. The store is sorta a cross between a drug store and junk store, but that made it kind of interesting.



This is what obsessed looks like … obsessive people forget to eat dinner and take their medicine. But, then Sweetie Pie called and we were in a bad personality and then he had to scold us. We didn’t want him to see this part out .. .we didn’t think of it directly, but we wanted him not to worry about us. So, we told him we’d eat and take our medicine. We had grapefruit, but now I’m thinking I’d like some crackers too. But, he said we needed to take a shower. Maybe we should do that first. Maybe EVERYbody shouldn’t leave me all alone by myself. That is not a good idea. We had taken back the email though that told Sweetie that we have a bunch of money in our account and we didn’t tell him on the phone, so now we are kinda guilty. But, I want the things that I want … well especially I want the stop watch.

posted by Ann Marie @ 4/22/2007 08:35:00 AM Comments: 0