We've had better starts
Good morning and Happy New Year! This is just me at the top of the morning. It’s almost 5 am. We’ve gotten to the point that the coffee is made and breakfast has been eaten. After a couple of days we’re being able to eat again, but we’re taking it slow. Ok, big breath. It’ll be ok.Today, is the first day of the New Year. We’ve not gotten into it long enough to make regular mistakes yet. We would like to start the day with a good start. We had more dreams during the night about being behind in school. I don’t think there’s a day goes by we’re not challenged by those thoughts.
Ok, we’re up again … felt bad and had some more problems. We took a shower and are recovering. I missed my sweetie pie by IM twice this morning. I think for the record his daughter has left for her own home. It seems like it might be a good change. Let everything calm down again. I don’t think he ever gets as much time as he would like with her, but that’s a whole nother situation that I’m not involved with.
Hmm think we’re going to need taking our medicine pretty soon. Just feel tired from being sick. This isn’t the way I want to start my New Year. It might make me feel better though? Good girl … just I dropped one, but couldn’t find it to tell which. It’ll be ok, it’ll be ok. One of the smaller ones. Let it go, it’ll be ok.
I seem to need some self-bolstering today. Holidays are hard.
Let’s see if we can think of something positive? I think my friend might come over today, but I didn’t want to still be sick. Hmm, positive? He might give me a hug. That be positive. Maybe there would be more than one hug! AHA! Doubly sweet! We don’t want to build up too much though because he might not come and that leave us feeling down. Oh man we’re feeling helpless. That’s not so good.
Straighten up girls … its January 1rst! Chief says optimistically … a whole new year of kitty pettings and naps! Ok, God Bless the little, but not lesser creatures.
Now, that it is a whole new year … what is it exactly I want to be saying? You know if we weren’t feeling leaned up our honey’s tree trying to hold ourselves up. C’mon women! We can love and adore without being spineless, right? Chief is tickling us with the tip of his tail. Well, of course not the tip of MY tail. Because, I don’t have one. Oh Lordy where could this be going … new paragraph, keep trying.
Ok, ok already. Don’t need to be huffy about it! We’re tickling Chief now with the tip of OUR hair. Silly kitty! No, WE ARE NOT THE KITTY … HE is! Your so confused. What’s next … what’s next. Just seem to do a lot of time staring into space. Now Chief is complaining … he says if he came maybe HE would bring some wet kitty food. Hard to explain to a kitty 3 days of sticking close to bathroom. Hmm he’s taking up an attitude. Good boy … just lay down it will be ok.
We wrote to Dr. Marvin yesterday. We went from feeling not so good to feeling better. In the email we could talk about our Grandchildren and that made us feel better. Sometimes, I think my whole life is invisible to the world hidden behind secret trysts and trap doors. Hmm, did I use the word tryst correctly there.
Maybe, maybe …
I don’t usually talk about being a mistress straight up, but holidays are definitely, the worst of it. I know, I know I deserve this. No room to complain … and maybe this is so. No reason to be mean about it though. I found myself wondering a short while ago … it the other woman found me, would it be like a Jerry Springer show. I wouldn’t have any reason to punch her, but then I wouldn’t want her to take her life’s frustration out on me either. She’s had 14 years to pull it together, I figure. Ok, we’re not going anywhere good with this direction either. Couldn’t we talk about something less dynamic? And, by dynamic I am meaning less Sylvester Stalone dynamic.
Chief doesn’t care what I think about … he’s rolled comfortably in our arms. Our friend on the other hand would care. He would think that we shouldn’t torture ourselves with this other stuff. I know he is right and I’m pretty sure there are folks that would take pride in our misery. Not the folks we know though.
Feeling somewhat beside ourselves for the time being. We’ve lost our compass.
Maybe the thing would be to shake kitty and numbness from my left arm and do some good old fashioned work. All this mopeyness is doing me absolutely no good whatsoever. C’mon you turn over a friendly card. We’ll talk you through it!
We didn’t get so far … our sweetie signed on for about a half hour. Think that was like damage control. He has a hard time listening to that we’re feeling bad without him feeling guilty, and then he jumps in at everyone wants him to feel guilty, which means his emotional wherewithal is down. We were trying to let him know we feel without putting it on him … we feel because we love him and his presence not that his presence causes us pain. It must be a hard distinction to make. I don’t think we’re cleared up there. He then said something most the way through about taking care of something here tomorrow and I started to cry. “You’re not coming today either??” Damn crying all over again. I’m such a coward. Then we got physically sick again and had to rush off. Not a good conversation … maybe necessary, but not pleasant.
I think I have to lay down again for awhile. Need to stop feeling for a while.
posted by Ann Marie @ 1/02/2007 05:21:00 AM
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