Graduation AND Friends Gift!
Good morning … well good afternoon at least. I’m pretty excited because I just finished watching my youngest son graduate college. He graduated from Northern University of Illinois. So gosh darn proud words can’t express. I’m hearing a song though which is as beautiful as this very moment. It is Celine Dion singing Ave Maria. This is the song that played at my other Grandmother’s funeral. It seems appropriate. Smiling, oh dear crying again. What kind of silly mother am I … Oh dear … we’re about an hour into the second video of the day. It starts with the last 10 minutes, but most of the graduation service is on the first video of the day. It has 43 minutes left to uploading. I’m just feeling soooo proud.
There just made a note to Deb so she would know. I guess the joy of this day is for me and most likely some of the others that were at the ceremony. And, most certainly my son … he said he was pretty happy about it too. Such a good boy. My Grandmother didn’t remember what he was going to do next although we’d told her about the state trooper. I think because she doesn’t really know my kids she doesn’t think too much of what they do or how they might be involved in life. But, that is not her fault. It is me that has held such a private relationship of them between their grandparents and great grandmother. I know of that as much as one can remember back through time. I know I was scared that they would mess my kids up. Now my kids aren’t so small anymore and as my youngest this morning proves they can certainly take care of themselves and themselves in relationships. Maybe one day they’ll be curious. I will still be a cautious Mom. I can say I love my Grandmother and my mother is a curiosity. I think isn’t it strange that I have a mother and think so little of her in time. Sometimes I remember I have a mother, but since there is no real utilitarian aspect of it … like calling each other and talking and such. I guess I worry about getting messed up as to the way she thinks, but I really do not know so much about her.
Pretty much of what I know of my mother is flashback memories of childhood and a sense of her as being dangerous. She has a calm enough voice, but she is always trying to lead me to some thought that seems hard for me to hear. Like she could say she was proud of her grandson, but there would be a deeper pleading side that is more emotional than I want to acknowledge. I know that I should be working on trying to change this, but there is such a deep fear that if she knew me, again its dangerous. What I remember is that leading sense where it seemed like she was trying to make me feel guilty or small; not important. It is as if she is in charge of me and I’m back to just answering yes or no. It wasn’t like we were having conversations with her; we were just listening to what she wanted me to know. I don’t know. I don’t want to slight her. And, we’re trying to be open to more, just going to be a process. So many years gone by without a sense that someone was looking out for me … that I was being taken care of. I know I’m 47 years old now, but in my mind it doesn’t seem to matter that I grew an additional 30 years. That was 30 years of not thinking too much of the experience. That’s just a hard way to have things. Ok, we’ll try … we’ve opened ourselves to another phone call … let’s see how that goes. That’s enough for now … we’re going on to something else, k? Ok.
Funny just looked up at the video screen and realized what a scrunchy face we were wearing with that conversation. Need to look at it steady and forgive myself for being so distrustful toward anyone. It’s so many years later … why do I always have the sense that she is going to hurt me. Hmm.
Let’s think of Dr. M. for a little bit. We missed his last meeting because of the meeting in Elgin for the Investigation Skills. We wish this song would be over. Too fast! End already! Ok, good a nice slow one. That’s the problem with AOL too much all over the place even on an XM song.
Ok, laundry … let me check that.
Good, good … that wasn’t too much problem. We’re doing better, but I think we need to keep thoughts softer … don’t want to go down a deep hole I can’t get out of … Holidays are just too emotionally laden. Worry about spending so much of that time lonely for people contact, although I feel very withdrawn from any effort of being with others. I do best with a couple brief contacts, but not enough I’m overwhelmed. Just kinda nice thing to say by the end of the day that I communicated with a live person. That’s all. Just keep it small.
Ok, where are we with our Dr. M. thoughts. Last time we were in the office we were going over the CARF Performance Analysis Report. I took a few notes and that still sits on the kitchen table waiting for me to go back, but we haven’t been in that space for a while. I think its kind of different and unsettling, but we’ve been going along without too much thoughts in this direction. Just now its coming up .. feeling a need for some kind of security I think. Are we still grounded … am I ok.
Let’s see what would Dr. M. tell us now … we know it is Sunday and he is relaxing or doing whatever he does when he’s not at the office. I like the first morning thoughts I have of him laying in bed those few extra moments and then the dog would come jump on his bed and be so happy that Dr. M. was up. I can imagine him getting coffee ready. And, I have an old fashioned sense that he reads the paper, but I know he’s pretty big into computers too, so he probably gets his news from there. I would like to imagine that he shares a hot breakfast with his partner and I would like to imagine they go out shopping with a special amount of glee. I would like to see him come back later and that there would be a warm fireplace with a couple of stockings up and of course the most beautiful Christmas tree. I imagine he lives in a house with at least a couple of levels.
Funny, I don’t usually go imagining this much about him. I try to stay out of personal life.
We’re pretty sure he’s not thinking about patients right now. I don’t think he’s the type to bring work home with him, unless maybe it was a long project like he’s writing a paper or something. He’s too quick and efficient to be behind. He used to be, but now he’s much better at keeping his desk area on track. He has a cat too, so we’re thinking it is a very merry family and that both the cat and dog have a stocking. The only thing that would please me more would be to know that Dr. M. and his partner had or were thinking of having a child. Hehehe sometimes I think though that the child would FRUSTRATE Dr. M. Cuz Dr. M. doesn’t usually get mad he gets frustrated. I think that happens when I push him away. I don’t mean to, but sometimes we’ve gotten mad. Not too much, but its pretty strong when it happens. A lot of time when he’s not here, we put him in a zone where we don’t think of him so much. I think you’ve heard us talking about the dead zone. Lot’s of people go there.
We still like the idea that we had a long time ago where we have a filing cabinet that is very dimensional. Before it used to be metal, but now we’re seeing it wooden like the ones at our work.
Ok, you … the spacey one … if we don’t spend anything … we’re going to be $120 short if we are still spending $500 on kids for Christmas after spending money for DIL pictures, our friend, and 2 months cable. Plus there will be some autopayments at the end of December and its only the 17th so there will be parking a couple of times.
Umm, ok, we’re back. Except its now much later and a bunch of stuff happened. First … how do you like Abraham Ortelius map. We’re thinking he was Dutch. Well, don’t know where to start, except this seemed to happen and take over a lot of space in my head today. But, that came after some other stuff. Like I had been looking at pictures of filing cabinets. Then bedroom and living room furniture, and I remember somewhere in there my mother called back. But, I think that is going to take up some strange thoughts. Pretty much though, we went through them on video and don’t want to go back there right now. Can we say something of the map?? Ummm somebody bought it. Except its not on paper. It is a tapestry. And, it is the solution to a COUPLE of situations. We had found while looking for something else a place specially for tapestries and they sold like 3000. This one caught our attention and has been catching it long ever since. It was made as a 3rd version of a map published about 1593. I bought it … I know .. where, how … well, I don’t know all the answers, but did we mention that my mother gave us a $200 check … no restrictions??? The map was PERFECT!!! It cost $170, but then we added the rod and a couple of tassels and then shipping, so it cost $260. I thought that was a very good deal, because the tapestry is so perfect. BECAUSE … for one my sweetie pie didn’t like the other one that I’d chosen, but this one is different. You know why? MY SWEETIE IS AN ANTIQUE MAP COLLECTOR!!! Now, don’t you think he’s going to be much happier looking at this map on the bedroom wall above the bed when he’s feeling manly? HMMM??? I think so! My sweetie Pie said the other day that he had expected his oldest son to become an astrophysicist and he would create time travel for his father. I think that is why my sweetie likes maps, because they represent the places and times he would have liked to travel.
Oh man, I can hardly wait til he sees it. We’ve been snooping around the Internet finding information about it. We now know what all the Latin on the map means. You wanta hear it? Oh, come on … sure you do. Hold on I’ll get it. We didn’t memorize it.
The top of the Map says: Image of the Countries of the world.
The bottom line says: Who can consider human affairs to be great when he comprehends the eternity and vastness of the entire world? (Cicero).
Did you know my sweetie grew up in Cicero? Man what kind of sign was that??
Now there are the four globes but they are actually in real life called cartouches. Isn’t that soooooo cool? I sure hope sweetie doesn’t take to reading our blog! He’ll learn then all the good stuff!
The first top/left cartouche says: People have been created under the law that they should protect this globe which you see in the middle of this image which is called earth. (Cicero).
The top/right cartouche says: The horse is for riding, the ox for ploughing, the dog for hunting and guarding, but man was born to contemplate the world. (Cicero).
Bottom/left cartouche says: This is the time when [the world] is divided by the fire and sword of many nations. How ridiculous are the goals of mortal beings. (Seneca).
Bottom/right cartouche says: We wish, just like the universe and face of the world comes into view, that it could similarly happen that philosophy could be made visible to us. (Seneca).
Isn’t that about the coolest thing?? The thing about it is that we’re kinda hoping that our friend wants to place his map square over our bed. Now that’s not uncomplicated is it?
Originally, there were only 4,000 prints and I saw a collector selling a copy for $8,900. That’s pretty cool. I have information about the first, second, and third versions. I’ll give them to my sweetie when we give him the gift. He is getting the third version that was done six years before the mapmaker’s death. He was a famous mapmaker. They didn’t use the word version though. The called the maps Ort 1, Ort 2, and Ort 3. The first map had clouds around the corner instead of cartouches. It’s got a better coast line of South America. At the time because of political stuff some of the names the explorers were giving him were left off. I’m guessing there were fresh conquests. The maps were printed in the first Atlas made for “the public”. They said Ortelius was a stoic contemplator. At this time of mapmaking they had drawn four huge Islands around the North Pole and the Great Lakes hadn’t been discovered. There were an extra four kingdoms in western North America. And the continent on the bottom of the map was huge and connected to Australia and South America. The original map was 14” x 19 ¼, but our version on the tapestry is going to be about 4 ½ feet tall and about 6 1/3 feet wide. I know … awesome, right? Hehehe AND on this map they connect California to the mainland *big smile* Oh one more thing … on Abraham’s map the great rivers are running west to east instead of north to south. One map specialist said there are only 161 copies in circulation and the one he has in stock is for sale at $12,000. WOO HOOO
You know … we’re doing cards for the clients and giving boys money as is their preference. I’m giving sister one of my DIL’s prints, but this gift? This is the only other gift I get to shop for. I’m just so proud of it. HEHEHEHE that must be the theme for the day. First our son and now the ultimate cool Christmas gift. I think he is going to be surprised I found something this great and with his dreams in mind. What kind of conquest might be inferred if it were to land on top my bed. Hmm, better think of that one. SILLY GRIN! It’s an epic problem where special gifts from pretty women can’t go home with him. I think this is going to be solved nicely!
posted by Ann Marie @ 12/18/2006 05:28:00 AM
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