Umm, don't think Sunday got much better
Good morning … almost … it’s like 11:45 am now so not much morning left. We’re going to try to stabilize ourselves here somewhere, but were having a dickens of a time. We’ve been goofy all weekend. There’s been some switching back and forth too of younger parts in and out of the bedroom. I’m not sure what’s going on there, but it be nice to take a break from it. I’d like to get into something regular here. I think we’ll do better after the Olympics leave too … can’t help but be drawn into them.Hmm, or with your kids. I wrote a text message to all three boys. I haven’t had real good luck with getting responses yet, but we’re still trying. Seems like we’re not a hot spot. I think we’d have to learn something new to be real popular, but feeling a bit down for that. Not sure what’s going on with me.
Hmm, maybe we could turn on the AC? I know that it’s only 83, and it doesn’t feel real hot, but we’re looking for some extra support here. Cool air might help.
Maybe it’s a bit of getting our own space back from Rich. First thing we do after he left was to go sneak eat a couple fudgicles – yup you heard me TWO WOOHOO~!!!
AHA! That got you a little excited didn’t it? Hmm, we just finished too the other half of our egg tortilla. Just a couple bites really, but it had been too much for me earlier.
Hmm, feeling better already with the eating and air. I wonder if we’re down on protein. Maybe we should try a protein shake after a bit. I don’t think we have any fruit for it, but maybe we can add a pudding. That sounds good … we’ll try that in about 45-60 minutes. 1 pm, Hmm?
Rich has been on us now because we didn’t go with him to see the fireworks last night. Now he has intended that we’re going to go fishing after dinner tonight.
Pswhoo. I hope I can get some good writing done over the next four hours, because he looked a little serious about that! He saying I’m not getting enough fresh air, so he made me go outside for awhile right before he left. I took a book with me so it wasn’t SO bad, but it was still on the hard crabby side. There are new flowers out there so that part was nice. It’s the biggest bunch of purple flowers ever.
Tons of buds! It’s sitting on the table, so there are the parts that just want to go stare at it. Well, yeah maybe pull on a couple petals, but not MUCH more, k?
Cuz we don’t think Rich would like that even if there were a zillion petals left to go. They are just half a pinky size. There must be like 40-50 petals per flower and hundreds of flowers or buds.
Hmm, ok, we’re back again. It doesn’t look like we’re getting very far here too.
More like yesterday where we’re just trying to hold in for the game. It’s about 1:30 pm. We got into some star-gazing, and then we fell asleep, and then we watched some Olympics. Oh and we ate a piece of watermelon too. That was rich’s surprise for us. He keeps being so nice. UNLESS he’s ordering us around … HMPF! No one likes that much. He’s like a boss then … but, since he’s such a good smooch face … we let him get by with a LITTLE of that.
We’re thinking that we have some stuff to go over, but we’re not so sure where we left off. I don’t think we really wrote much of anything over the week. If we were going to think of a few thoughts, we’d probably try to get back to our Dr. Marvin thoughts, and then something about classes and then MAYBE something on work, but we’re not so happy there because we figure we work too hard. Well maybe not way hard, but we don’t like doing some of the work that is going on especially watching the two groups. Last week too, we took one of the clients from Group IV. She’d been giving the staff some trouble crying and crying. She get’s upset and then has some trouble calming down. We know that there’s a better chance than not if we bring her to our office and give her something to do that she’ll find peace within herself. I think it’s not me it’s just a change of pace or different scenery.
I think during Dr. Marvin’s time, we talked about our over talkative client for too … that took about 20 minutes and we were aggravated that it should take so long, but we were really frustrated because of her disrespect. Well we didn’t say it like that – but, that’s probably part of it … she is very argumentative. She usually does some self-serving thing and than just insists during group time that whatever is on her mind is the most important thing.
Dr. Marvin must have listened, but at some point we got to the point through the conversation that we needed to give her a chance to think out her problems too just like Dr. Marvin had given us a chance. We’re pretty sure that there were some changes in her life, in that her step-father had died, her mother had her arm hurt, and she got a new staff. I also think that she’s spent too much time at St. Rose and is not showing any obvious improvement. She’s been in the hen-house too long.
Dr. Marvin says the hostility or anger that she’s putting on us is most likely real and that she doesn’t know how to handle her emotions except to project it. I haven’t figured out in my mind how I’m going to give her a chance to talk, but we might use something that has been given to us, in that Sister is now saying we can have her leave the room and sit in the multi-purpose room when she’s being non-cooperative. I think she prefers to have an audience and so being in the room is half the problem.
She’s bent though on making life miserable or controlled. And, that’s not fair to her peers, or me, who seems to be picking up the thrust of her steaming off. Sister says she’s better for her, but that’s because she’s going through hell with us. We get her calm. We talked to Dr. Marvin and he says that I’m probably right in that the client is feeling too much pressure because of her mother’s injury. The mother is low-funcitioning and it sounds like she’s become dependent on her daughter’s care, or at least is telling the daughter to do something because she’s near-death.
At least that’s the impression that my client has and having gone through recently the step-father’s death, that’s unconsciously probably a lot to be dealing with right now.
I’ve never had a lot of patience for people being angry at me. I’m too quick to say – you’re not putting that shit on me, rather than – let’s take a look at your problems. It’s a fault of mine. I think what we’re going to say is that we are not going to deal with her problems until we have time to do it. We’ll give her the choice of either waiting until I’m done with group work, or she’ll have to leave the room and wait for me from that space. I don’t want to be dumped on every time she comes through that door. It’s like she must really build up so by the time she gets to the center … she’s ready to flip out.
OK Ok … that’s enough for now … she’s starting to take over my mind again … and I don’t want that to further spoil my weekend.
I think a good part of that is my own fault. We’ve like mentioned earlier been in and out of a funk. Now we’re wondering how we are doing handling that situation without displacing it on others. Especially others like our own parts. We’ve been in and out of regression all weekend. This might have to do with other stuff going on in therapy. We spent about 15 minutes talking about our regular stuff and spent only 15 minutes dealing with our hard parts. That’s the part I’m trying to get back to now. I have to concentrate to figure out where we were or what was happening. I know it has something to do with my past. I think sort of like we are feeling stuff now that is coming from our past, but is not being dealt with proper. That might be some of our depression and anger now. It doesn’t help to know that we’re doing stuff at work that we don’t like doing in an extreme amount. We find it very difficult to be around people as much as we are being forced to. And, we don’t like that we have to do it WHILE getting further and further backed up from our own work. We haven’t done our staffing paperwork for about 2 months now and the QNOTES are going on their 5th month without any care.
Hmm, we’re still getting frustrated without dealing with the hard part. I’m not sure how to get back to it correctly so that it doesn’t put me further out. Our thinking right now is that things have been harder because of that kind of work going in under our consciousness. What was it that we were talking about though. I think we get too many emotions now and that is a left over phenomena because we haven’t talked out everything directly about stuff that has happened. Dr. Marvin says that in that sense we’re living more in the past than in the present. I guess our thinking has been for a while as if we were doing or thinking about stuff in the present that would make us here. But, Dr. Marvin says that our responses are being colored in or shaded from emotions not checked out. Well, he doesn’t say it exactly like that, but I think it’s our best translation so far.
I’m not real sure about stuff and what’s being avoided, but Dr. Marvin seems to think there is stuff there. I think where he is going to go though is the abuse issues. I feel someone like Rich though I know better that that stuff is over … so why do I gotta do it. But, that’s part of the problem I guess because Dr. Marvin says in the past we always skip over it because it’s too hard. It’s probably like the way we talk to Rich. We don’t wanna do that … you can’t make us do it … I’m NOT going to do it. Now when I cross-over images I find myself thinking … what exactly didn’t we want to do. It seems that almost anything Rich says … we’re fighting him the same way. Now the obvious answer seems to be that I didn’t want to do what my Grandfather said. But, I think we could argue back with him, where with my mother we’d just get smacked.
Hmm, already with just this part said … we feel our systems closing down. We don’t want to deal with it. We’re also feeling guilty thinking of what we’re doing with Rich in not listening or doing stuff on our own. Where most of our problems come in is that he is telling us to do stuff someone doesn’t want to do. Nothing that I shouldn’t be not doing, but just the same difficult for us. Other than sitting here typing, reading or watching TV … we don’t want to do anything. We don’t want to eat our regular meals either. We just want to get up and down to do whatever we do or get to eat on our own schedule. Eating with Rich since the surgery has become harder. Everything irritates us … like chewing and his speed in eating. If you are supposed to eat 1/6th or more of a meal and spread it 20 minutes … than how can you watch someone else who seems to be gulping it down. Not that he is … just now our perspective is different.
posted by Ann Marie @ 8/18/2008 05:25:00 AM
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