Ayn's Multiple World

Hmm, Pretty much Good to go ...

Good morning … It’s just me. It’s about quarter to 5 … so we think we aren’t going to write too much before getting back to school. Chief just layed down across our arms after doing a Missy impression. But we thought no … he took less than 20 minutes to settle down … it must be Chief. Our girl was doing fine this morning.

We opened the door to get some fresh chilled air and had cereal together … Damn just los cat … The spritzer went off, he flew from the table, and knocked over 3 empty water bottles … I’d say that was a strike! I’d be more excited if it had been my coffee, but we usually don’t leave that so close to the edge. Poor Chief … he should be used to it by now. We’ll have to figure that out, but not right now

We still need to finish about 11 pages in the book. Hmm??

Ok, ok … anything about work?

Well. We went. And, did stuff. Then we left and came home. And did stuff with our friend. :)

Umm, could you be a little more specific?

Oh … Well, our friend was laying … nooooo not specific there! Specific at work!

Oh. K.

At work … what did we do?

We did a bunch mail. Checked real quick the cards. Sister came in … We put all the labels in the CARF books. We talked to a couple staff. I know we put some stuff back into the files and we did some figurin out stuff on the Qnotes. But, I can’t remember what we did in between all those times.

Ok, let’s say then that we were busy all day, but of the things we can remember … this is it.

Anything to say about this?

Well did you know that we were working with worker people outside our window all day?

Yes, I remember … Over the big almost floor to ceiling big windows in two spots on the wall perpendicular to ours there were ugly blue panels (60’s) put over the windows but not up to the bricked in wall where they meet the roof.

Ok, we didn’t do such a good job explaining it, but the point is there is like these 10 colored panels about 4’ each and we always thought they looked ugly. BUT, Sr. decided at some point, because here were the worker men … and they were replacing the panels with other panels that were matched to the light colored brick. WOW! That was certainly a good idea! I was very happy with that change. Because the blue was an ugly color like maybe the color of swimming pools. YEEKS It was the bodies trim, but we like much better that that area is camouflaged.

Hmm, anything on CARF books.

Nope … just figured that we would have to do something with them to get those plastic sleeves off the desk and to satisfy Sr. who came by and reminded us that those extra folders would be what the CARF people looked at … we said umhmmm. Oh that’s right fill them. We did for the record know that, but last week was consumed with trying to get things in order after the Q left. We have almost everything done, but not quite. We did ask Sr. and Sr. asked the secretary to send out letters to those few people who are not cooperating with the medical and dentals. Thought that was a good idea. That had been the leaving Q’s jobs. Another big one was the Thursday group goals. But, we’ll get to that tomorrow. Another job was the Qnotes. Ohh, we’re done with CARF?

Hey who decided we were going to multi-host this morning’s writing anyway?

I don’t know…

I was told to show up here about 5 …

you were not!

Oh, ok … sorry.

I’m just here.

*Sigh*

Anyway the files was not a big deal CARF that is.

We can move on.

Thanks

Ok, why don’t we do the part on the Qnotes and leave it at that?

We’ll try … Well the only thing with the Qnotes was is that the other girl was doing them for like a year and a half and that had been a nice thing. She had worked hard and gotten them finally up to speed by the time Christmas had rolled around. We were in no mood to let that get behind again, and especially since the State was coming any day, we figured we better get that done too.

First thing was to alphabetize (easier filing) the first group completed, sign-em, datem, and getem into the files. So we did that. And, in so doing, we confirmed that there were indeed 5 more to do. So we got the paperwork for that separated out and about then it hit us that we really didn’t remember at all what Qnotes were about as to what was happening to each person. There are 66 goals between our 22 people and NONE of us could remember the goals. We set out on it early enough in the afternoon, because we realized that it was going to take a little time. We didn’t even know in the computer where the leaving Q had put the records. That could be a problem.

We picked up the first one took a breath and started the figuring. First one must have taken 30-60 minutes by itself. BUT, after a while of doing it it fell into a pattern. We needed the client files with both the formal goals and the completed Qnotes and in a couple cases the old rough drafts with the current DSP Goal Data sheet, plus the white goal book that records all the goals before getting typed in the Qnote. Shoot, that was a lot of stuff to fill our desk with.

Nobody likes that. You gotta hold stuff in your mind all at the same time. I think that’s something that we gave the Q leaving credit for … the part that she had to think of more than one thing at a time. But, we realized also in doing the notes that it might not have been as easy for her as it had looked. We can tell this by how messed up the sheets were. Not all the way, but she hadn’t gotten to the point, or maybe she chose to repeat a poor form were the natural rhythm of the calculations were sometimes out of order. That wasn’t my biggest stumbling block.

I think that was in trying to figure out the difference between what the DSPs were giving her in counts compared to what she was recording compared to what was supposed to be recorded. Basically the formula is supposed to be very simple (though we had to think hard to get to that space we were remembering it).

BUT, for the record … you always are supposed to first divide the number of steps completed by the total amount to do and then put down the percent so for example, it looks like 26/45 = 58%. Then you multiply .58 x 4 trials (or how ever many times the DSP performed the goal during the month) = 2.32 working score. The working score total might be 4.

And then you check what the score was from the month before. Maybe 2.18 and that would mean by a trick of dividing the two that would mean the client improved or increased his score by 6%. That’s a good thing. SOOOO all in total my marks in the white goal book should look like 26/45 (.58) 4T 2.32ws [up arrow] 6%. Pretty simple, right? Ahhh well, nothing is quite always that easy, but once you have this general pattern the rest shouldn’t be so tough.

So, we got through the calculations on this set (the remaining 5 Qnotes that hadn’t been done) and then we moved onto the process of getting them typed up formally. Oh yeah … and as a double backup, we wrote the above formula’s on the paper themselves to make it easier for an auditor to understand where the numbers were. That was something that the leaving Q had not picked up. Nor, it was discovered did she always get the right thing to count. She did, however, make an excellent attempt at getting something down with a minimum amount of questions. I think she felt she had had to do everything on her own, but sometimes that would slow her down. I do know that if she was questioning something … most likely something had gone wrong, and sometimes that was because I had done something wrong. It’s ok … I thought at the time … cool. Great backup! I was teaching her to be my equal not subordinate.

I questioned a lot going into the process why it had taken her so long to do and why couldn’t she finish the work. I think in a great part … she’d taken those last few days and spent time with the other staff in her good-bys. We did hear from Sister during the last meeting that apparently the staff hadn’t told her there was going to be a good-bye party. I think Sister was insulted that no one should bother to tell her and that she would have liked to known. I, of course, was gone those several days and had no knowledge of the send-off myself. By that time I was thinking of the leaving Q as more on a DSP level than I had thought the entire time she’d been working. It was for that reason … the best reason why she should be leaving. In this environment, she couldn’t pull herself up to a leadership position … very much like her mother. She just wanted to be one of the girls. This would be fine, but prevent her from doing the job well. She can’t be buddy-buddy with them as a leader, because she was needed to make decisions that would affect the others that might not always be so popular.

I don’t know why, but I have to figure out for ourselves why this became so frustrating … if not the most frustrating part. Why wasn’t it ok that this particular family didn’t show themselves as leaders. Why was I frustrated that they were followers. I can see the relationships as … the two middle aged white women were pushed away from the group. They became the out group, although between the staff, they were the most efficient. They turn in good constructive papers on what is happening in their group, and they are the most apt to do the work that is being requested. There was another 30’s age woman who pulled herself away from the group. It was noted that she started working/lunching during the lunch periods for most of the time, where before she’d been more involved in a leadership type position. The one who was fired curried her favor, and sometimes it would be given. I knew that it had become an important thing to shut the door between me and them while they were there. They did the shutting not me. There was an office between us so it shouldn’t have needed to be done, but we need to also look at it as they didn’t want to invade our privacy. I think though more their privacy, because when they came into the inner room to use the phone … they didn’t always shut the next door between us.

The problematic group was the secretary, a 10 year staff, a 6 year staff, the one who got fired, a five year staff, a two year part-time staff, and the leaving Q.

Hmm, is that it?

I guess this is it then … so, these six and sometimes 7. There was one white woman, but the others were all Spanish-speaking. There had been a competition for leadership between the White woman and the one who got fired. We’ve got a pretty smart group of women that work at the center … and again I had felt that the long-standing staff (10 years) due to seniority, intelligence, and maturity should have been in the leadership position, but she had fallen under the guidance of the one that had been fired. She then took her daughter in the same position, even though the daughter should have been the smartest of the group, or at least more able in determination or follow through. The secretary has held a private relationship with the six year woman who were both in the group, but could also step outside the group. Anyone leading would need their approval, and the six-year woman conceded to the two vying for leadership. It was noted that these two also had a bond in that they both delivered children at the same time. The part time person wasn’t around much, so she was just a supporter. Between the two vying for power I had been talking to one and not to the other. I never trusted the one who got fired, because she was excitable and complained about doing her work. From the first assignment that was given … a goal data sheet, she was saying the work was too much … before she even had learned it! Of course, the work needed to be learned first, BUT then even after she had claimed to know it, she was still saying it was too much. It was learned about the same time she left that she’d let a month go by without doing her paperwork for the goals. I don’t know how much covering up the Q leaving did … we’ll find more out with these Qnotes we’re doing.

Anyway as to leadership, I played an affect although I hadn’t really thought it out too much, or at least don’t remember now if we had – although it could be checked by reading old Blog notes as to how much we supported what was going on. I think now looking at it … that we had supported the White woman, not because she was white, but because she’d attached herself to us, especially due proximity and her own nervousness. She always had something for me to be figuring out and we were ok with talking with her, because we had thought we’d been helping her. When she concluded that day that we were snake like and she wasn’t going to talk with us, she’d burned her own bridge. Our friend commented on that at Christmas that she was closed out of the Spanish Group and didn’t share my support at that time. I don’t think she lost out because of me, although I’d supported her and others knew that, when I didn’t have anything to say to her, then she was put out there more on her own. The one who had gotten fired overran the show. But, she was a nervous wreck, wasn’t doing her work, felt everyone was against her, and she was afraid of the clients.

She was an organizer in that she pushed the whole group into thinking that they were different than management instead of being an important part of the center.

The week that the girl was let go of for being too stressed, the White woman had been on vacation. I have no doubt that they all have each others phone numbers and would call between themselves. So, we’re pretty sure she knew what had happened.

On the outside that she didn’t and by watching her after she’d come back – to a low degree of watching – she seems to be more alone and out of place. Some of her happiness seems to be gone. I’m not sure why though. She sits at her chair and is somewhat less involved in her clients. The messes on her work tables remains unchanged. She started yesterday where she would come into her room talking out loud to us beyond our office and the next as if we were expected to be listening.

Instead of warming up to those kind of dialogues, which I don’t like, we stay centered on our work saying uh huh, uh huh, ok. I guess I had never thought of it as to what she would do without the Q who had left. When I stopped being with her, she had gone to the other. She has an aptitude for talking and thinking and so is going to have a hard time making due with the silence.

My part … where I’m different, and only by a small degree is that I write more than I talk. I’ve done a lot of talking don’t get me wrong, but in addition to that I write, so there is a means of getting through my thoughts and the thoughts that aren’t fixed here or with my friend go through with my doctor. That’s a whole lot of support. So. I suppose that’s enough of that for the time being … let me think here and regroup. I have about 20 minutes left and we’re just out of the shower.

School work didn’t get done, but I think it important to be thinking and we have been doing that.

Hmm, just checked out the bank. They gave us an expected $66 charge for overdrawing checks twice before we stopped money going out of the account .. I now owe in arrear 1150 out of my 1217. Not much money to go on this next two weeks. Nothing can get paid, until the check comes in from the government … if that doesn’t happen we’ll have to ask our friend for enough money to cover the first car payment. We’re really hoping the government money comes in before next week. Ok, that’s enough of that … Oh one more notation on that score … I think the money is the reason that I don’t have the music this morning. We couldn’t get it in. Just have to do without then … we can do it. Just don’t want them to take our car back after we’d gone through this much to make the $2000 good. Ok, that’s about it then … we want to get this posted and on our way … Anything special to remember? Hmm, I think with Qnotes done and out of the way … our files pretty much in order (called or wrote to people this week), I need to just get down on CARF! We’ll have to figure that out when we get in to the office. In the meantime … we sure do like driving the new vehicle in

:) Good morning!

posted by Ann Marie @ 2/28/2007 06:46:00 AM Comments: 0

Better get going...

Good morning. This is me. It’s now Monday morning about 5:30 am. We’ve been up for about an hour. Not sure why. We deserve some extra sleep, but possibly we’re still wired on caffeine from last night. As soon as Missy wants to get up again, we’ll start again fresh. Our aim is to finish a couple more papers today, but we’re going to need reading first and that’s going to take some time. We’re leery of sitting down on the couch at this point, because we’re still yawning. If we sit down, we’ll be way out of it. Shoot, I wonder if we have a dentist appointment today … I’m pretty sure we do on the 5th, but I’m not sure if there wasn’t one this week too. Better put in a call early today … if I have one its scheduled about 2 pm. We haven’t been doing much beside studying to be writing anything different. I’m not sure if our friend is going to plan being here today … that might have an effect on how things go.

We glanced at what they call a Degree Completion Plan (DCP) for our MS in Educational Psychology. It lists 11 required courses and two elective courses plus the one lab. So far I’ve completed Foundations of Psychology, Lifespan Development, Multicultural Perspective, Research Writing and the Lab. I am past the half way point of Social Psychology and we’re going to try completing for the third time Cognitive/Affective Psychology. By that time I will be almost half way through.

The courses I have remaining are Psychology of Learning, Teaching Psychology, Tests and Measurements, Inferential Statistics, Qualitative Analysis, Research Methods, and Master’s Integrative Project, which is the capstone. Hehehe when you put it all in one slim paragraph it seems easy, but the whole thing put together is kind of hard! We’re scheduled to be complete in March 2009. So, about two years left to go. We’ve had already several not so good semesters, but theoretically have been working on things since May, 2005, so I’d like to think we’re at almost the halfway point now. I guess I made a 4 year go of it … IF I stay on track now. First thing is to raise the GPA which is sitting at a 2.79 … that puts us on probation … in graduate school you need to carry a 3.0. Hopefully, it will be fixed if I finish the darn Cog/Affective class, cuz right now that’s an achy F on the records BOOO BOOO.

Ok, we’re going to close that little plan … we’re on track again. Need to be handling the work load.

Might mean though that we have to get serious with our work. Anything else left to discuss? Well yes, in general we feel a bit tired, but would like to progress … Be good to get back to that big paper. I felt good about how both papers fell together last night. There was a big push to get them done, because the teacher was going to lock those posts … that means that nobody can do them after the given time. If you want points you gotta do the work. It seems though that if people don’t get done with a project they get a D which is 69 points. That can mess up a person’s points. School is all about getting points – though, we figured each paper/comment is about 2 points. That is the build-up small papers … It doesn’t seem like a lot, but they add up … there are 20 small papers or a value of 40 points towards the grade. So far, we’re working at 100% on our papers and that is pretty good, and we’ve got so far built up on our final paper 5% for the initial concept and 10% for the annotated bibliography and outline. We’ll get 20% for handing in a draft and another 25% for handing in the final version of the paper.

Theoretically, we have three more weeks to do it, because we’re just starting week 8. I just completed week 6 and am starting on week 7. Theoretically the draft is supposed to be handed in on Sunday … I don’t think that is going to happen, but we’ll hold on to that goal. Means I really have to be productive this week though.

I’m happy that I’m already a little more than 1/3 of the way through on the big paper, but there is a lot more processing to go through. We usually can get a little extra time to complete the paper after 10 weeks, IF our regular coursework is caught up. So, it’s important more so now to stay on track. We don’t want to extend the paper too much, because there gets to be less chance of completing it … and a person really does need that couple weeks between courses to adjust to life. Like getting all those dirty dishes and clothes washed up hehehe … well no it’s not that bad, but pretty close.

The big deal will be as always making the best use of available time. Last night gives us some incentive on working during the evenings. We might need to drink more coffee. Hmm, what student hasn’t tried that before … or what is that other drink, Red Bull? Or, the like. I still need time to sleep, but if we were getting a better sleep from the C-pap machine for the sleep apnea we’d be in good shape, right? Ok, so … I’ve gotten reading, and two papers done before in one day, but I better start booking it. AND, the first sign of drowsiness – it’s hit the showers and take morning medicine! Ok? Remember that!

Oh yeah … this is what is up ahead … this is the week’s worth of work we’re going to try pushing into one day (and maybe tomorrow morning). For the record we already have the comments made for this week. Ok let’s step lively …

Introduction

This unit discusses the link between attitudes and behaviors. You may be surprised to find out that attitudes do not always predict behavior. LaPierre (1939) was the first to document that often attitudes and behaviors do not match. Since that time, many researchers (Ajzen & Fishbein, 1977; Ajzen, 1991) have looked at factors that determine whether attitudes will be predictive of behavior. You will critically analyze the many factors that influence the link between attitudes and behaviors.

This unit also focuses on persuasion. As you will see, many factors influence the persuasiveness of communication. One major factor is the difference between central routes versus peripheral route processing (Petty & Caccioppo, 1986). Other factors involve the source, the message, and the audience. In this unit, you must analyze and apply the principles of persuasion to your own professional situation.

References

LaPiere (1939). Attitudes vs. Action. Social Forces, 13, 230–237.

Ajzen, I., & Fishbein, M. (1977). Attitude-behavior relations: A theoretical analysis and review of empirical research. Psychological Bulletin, 84, 888–918.

Ajzen, I. (2001). Nature and operation of attitudes. Annual Review of Psychology, 52, 27–58.

Petty, R. E., & Caccioppo, J. T. (1986). Communication and persuasion: Central and peripheral routes to attitude change. New York: Springer-Verlag.

Objectives

To successfully complete this learning unit, you will be expected to:

1. Demonstrate an understanding of the issues related to attitudes and persuasion. (Goals 1 and 2).

2. Critically analyze research related to attitudes and persuasion. (Goal 2).

3. Apply the principles of attitude change and persuasion. (Goal 3).

Learning Activities

u07s1 Readings

Read Chapter 6, "Attitudes," in your text.

u07s2 Research Article

Locate and read one psychological research journal article related to attitudes or persuasion. Find an article no older than 1990. Incorporate this article into your response for one of the discussions.

u07s3 Project – Draft

You should be working on and getting a substantial start on the first draft of your research paper project, which is due in Unit 8. The draft should include all of the major elements of your intended work, even if some of them require further development.

u07d1 Attitude and Behavior

For this activity, you will discuss an article from the Internet and the text readings from this unit.

Instructions:

1. Incorporate the article you located in study activity u07s2 into your response to this discussion or discussion u07s2, and list the full citation for the article.

2. Remember to cite information from the text readings as appropriate.

3. Consider the following:

o What are the factors that influence the link between attitudes and behavior?
o Provide examples that illustrate the factors you choose.
u07d2 Persuasion

For this activity, you will discuss an article from the Internet and the text readings from this unit.

Instructions:

1. Incorporate the article you located in study activity u07s2 into your response to this discussion or discussion u07s1, and list the full citation for the article.

2. Remember to cite information from the text readings as appropriate.

3. How could you use the principles of persuasion to market yourself?

Reading begins here …

Ok, cat … one of us has to move.

bbb - be back at books

Sweetie Pie!! [6:40 A.M.]: good morning

Aynetal3 [6:40 A.M.]: Sweetie Pie!!!

Aynetal3 [6:41 A.M.]: you hangin in there?

Sweetie Pie!! [6:41 A.M.]: trying to put it together right this second

Aynetal3 [6:41 A.M.]: need a hand?

Aynetal3 [6:41 A.M.]: I'd give you 3 or 4 if I could :)

Sweetie Pie!! [6:42 A.M.]: we will figure it out

Aynetal3 [6:42 A.M.]: anythin complicating things?

Sweetie Pie!! [6:42 A.M.]: sometimes in my confusion I just do the first thing needed to do

Aynetal3 [6:42 A.M.]: smooch me!!!

Sweetie Pie!! [6:43 A.M.]: :-) always

Aynetal3 [6:43 A.M.]: :-*

Sweetie Pie!! [6:43 A.M.]: :-*

Aynetal3 [6:43 A.M.]: Ahh see life is already better!

Sweetie Pie!! [6:43 A.M.]: so what work do you plan today

Aynetal3 [6:43 A.M.]: school

Sweetie Pie!! [6:44 A.M.]: no real work for a Monday

Aynetal3 [6:44 A.M.]: I'm behind ... just made the barely deadline ... We're on week 8, I'm working on week 7, and yesterday finished 2 papers week 6 (just made ultimate deadline)

Sweetie Pie!! [6:45 A.M.]: you need to catch up, part of the big plan.

Aynetal3 [6:45 A.M.]: PLUS draft of final 25 page paper due in addition two smaller papers on sunday

Aynetal3 [6:45 A.M.]: I'm about 1/3 through with it

Sweetie Pie!! [6:45 A.M.]: I see

Aynetal3 [6:45 A.M.]: Got my outline (resources)

Sweetie Pie!! [6:46 A.M.]: always a hard part for me

Aynetal3 [6:46 A.M.]: yes?

Aynetal3 [6:46 A.M.]: We figured out this morning ... because of 3 bad semesters ... we're 2 years from finishing ... done March 09

Sweetie Pie!! [6:47 A.M.]: I see.

Aynetal3 [6:47 A.M.]: We've been schooling theoretically for 2 years now

Sweetie Pie!! [6:47 A.M.]: not bad A

ynetal3 [6:47 A.M.]: It's kinda hard!!*

Sweetie Pie!! [6:48 A.M.]: yes but a hard path chosen.

Aynetal3 [6:48 A.M.]: Yes it is isn't it ... but a good one?

Sweetie Pie!! [6:48 A.M.]: you are right.

Aynetal3 [6:48 A.M.]: All I can think is I want to finish so I can be working on my doctorate

Sweetie Pie!! [6:49 A.M.]: silly goose you are.

Aynetal3 [6:49 A.M.]: :)

Aynetal3 [6:49 A.M.]: have to pass clean clothes 102

Sweetie Pie!! [6:49 A.M.]: a person’s life is several goalsAynetal3 [6:49 A.M.]: smooching #1

Sweetie Pie!! [6:50 A.M.]: any accounting need to be done today

Aynetal3 [6:50 A.M.]: I'm caught up ...

Aynetal3 [6:51 A.M.]: Bank ability is closed ... can't do anything until 4 days check ... and at that it will be minimal. My goal is to not use the second $50 until the next 5 medicines are due .... I just filled up my tank over the weekend

Aynetal3 [6:52 A.M.]: might need $6.25 by Thursday

Aynetal3 [6:52 A.M.]: I have $4 Sweetie Pie!! [6:52 A.M.]: I think we can arrange that.

Aynetal3 [6:52 A.M.]: :) :)

Sweetie Pie!! [6:52 A.M.]: Later today let me know what happens on the first when we get the check.

Aynetal3 [6:53 A.M.]: We need to be hoping we get government money to pay off first car payment due on the 8th and we need to talk to mike about late payment and i have to see if I have a dental appointment today and if you are coming over

Aynetal3 [6:53 A.M.]: k

Sweetie Pie!! [6:55 A.M.]: I have to float my time right now, I don't know where I am at. I will be making the list in a few moments. I have a lot of research to do and follow up. Then the usual mudane stuff. I will let you know later. Thinking tomorrow might be better.

Aynetal3 [6:56 A.M.]: Good ... i could really use today to study ... you know read ... write, read, write ...

Sweetie Pie!! [6:56 A.M.]: sounds like a plan. I should get started myself, have a lot to do before 8

Sweetie Pie!! [6:56 A.M.]: call you later

Aynetal3 [6:57 A.M.]: I just sent you what has to happen next financially - 1 sentence

Aynetal3 [6:57 A.M.]: smoooooooooooooooooooooooochhh

Sweetie Pie!! [6:57 A.M.]: Ok I will check it

Aynetal3 [6:57 A.M.]: don't forget to do call when we're sittin on comfy couch reading! Aynetal3 [6:57 A.M.]: :-*

Sweetie Pie!! [6:57 A.M.]: :-*

Sweetie Pie!! [6:58 A.M.]: O:-)

March 1rst - Deposit 1217, Payoff 1088 Overdraft from car deposit, Deposit 546 expected from taxes, Car 395, Cable 125, Electric 18, Surgeon 52, Gym 23, Audio blog 5, Music 10, Parking 13, Gas 25, Balance 9

OK, Ok … Be back to the Books – 7:12 am

Hmm, taking a little break … It’s been about a half hour … it is now 11 am. My son IM’d to give me some good news. We decided we might as well eat … maybe read from the computer. I think he’s done talking to us, but we’re in limbo. We brought the book over. We’re down to the last 11 pages. Woo Hoo … getting it done! But, we placed a call and found out we do have a dentist appointment today. Hmm I forgot we were going to call our insurance company about another car loan. Hmm, where would that number be. I know on my card!

Hmm, now its an hour later – noon. We’re done with our son conversation and have left a few messages with our friend. And, we talked to a few other people. One call was to find out … yes, we do have a dentist appointment in a couple of hours. It’s close … good idea to be getting all that over with. I sure hope she doesn’t want money this time, because we don’t have it. But, I think we prepaid for the work with the partial. I think this time they have to check the mold and get the color of my teeth right. I’ll have to go with whatever they can get for me, because I hadn’t been able to go in for that extra brightening session due to cost. Just came at a bad time. I hope they’re not too frustrated with us.

The next call was with the insurance people. I gave her a lot of information, but I was declined for life insurance and a car loan. I don’t remember why on the car loan, but I was declined on the life insurance because of my multiplicity and I remember her saying something about I wasn’t declined for my medical conditions. Eh, I didn’t have it to start, I don’t have it to finish … can’t be too upset.

Well, I can, but I don’t want to go there now. Later the argument is going to sound like, “What?! Multiples can’t get life insurance???” I’m going to have to some how learn to save at least $10-20,000 so when I die, the boys don’t have to pay out of pocket to bury me. That would be like leaving a mess on the table. Yeeks! I also have to make sure that they can’t get stuck with school loans.

Ok, that’s done … it’s now 1:33 pm. Time is going fast and in a few moments we’ll have to go to dentist.

Hmm, that time passed to … it’s now 3 pm. Exactly. We’re home from the dentist. It was a 3 minute appointment. She had this metal plate to put inside our mouth roof. I didn’t get a real careful look at it. It was just a flash … it looked scary … it was somehow clipping to my tooth. I don’t know if it will look like that when its finished its like a polished silver. It was sort of cold … and then before I could really get the gist of it … she got her putty gun out and filled the top of my mouth with it … and had me bite down to get an impression. Then after a few moments, she took it out said I was done and that I should come back in two weeks.

I think that is going to be a quick appointment too. She says next time they will have a model with wax teeth in it and if that is good, they send it back for two weeks, and then THAT time will be my last dentist visit for a while. So next week is just my appointment for the c-pap machine and then that. I swear it’s never going to end.

I think we have to catch up with ourselves. A whole lot seemed to be happening in a short amount of time. We’re back to the part about multiples not getting money for life insurance. I had just wanted enough so that I could bury myself. So, then I thought … my dad did it … I’ll just call a funeral home. So, I went to the phone book found one in my town in an area over by the zoo. I thought that would be nice. I told the lady, I’d never made a call like this before, but that I wanted some general information about how things work. She was a nice lady … and whatever her name was it was the same name as was on the name of the home. Let me see “Hitzeman, Sue” They said in the phone book that they’d been there for five generations and they had a nice little picture “sketch” of their place and a respectable 1/4th pane at the top. They also said dignified and family owned and operated. I liked that. They’ve been in the business for 101 years. That’s pretty something … I figure they really know what they’re doing.

Oh oh … something happened there … cuz now it’s the morning after and we only have a few moments left. It’s 6:39 am. Man o man I’m going to forget everything ok, lets make a little list here … we need to finish talking about the funeral place, then we talked to our friend a little bit. And, then we lost time looking at news and then we fell asleep early after figuring out the coffee wasn’t going to keep us awake. And, then we woke up once, but went back to bed and now is now. We lost a few moments cuz of looking at the news. I think that’s pretty much it. Better get this posted cuz its time to ride … Woo HOOO!

posted by Ann Marie @ 2/27/2007 06:46:00 AM Comments: 0

Pshwooo Made It In On Time!!!

Ok, this just goes to prove that I was smiling yet as we were beginning the second set. We’re not going to spend too much time here though because as you see in back of me … it is dark. I usually go to bed when its dark. It’s 7:30 pm, which is pushing my envelope, but we’ve got a good 4 ½ hours, so we’re going to see what we can do. I think it will be an easier paper in that it asks to pull something from within that’s reflective. Traditionally that doesn’t take as long to research. But, we’re not going to mess around here we’re off to the races … we’ll be  here

Paper Starts here …

Research on gender and aggression for 2006 and 2007 shows that:

• At 17 months of age 5% of the boys were physically aggressive compared to 1% of the girls (Baillargeon, Zoccolilla, Keenan, Cote, Perusse, Wu, et al, 2007, p. 13).

• Girls were at a higher risk of being anti-social adults due to early aggressive or disruptive behaviors; boys were at a higher risk of being anti-social adults due to that and a noted increase in aggression-disruption from kindergarten to the 5th grade; and, girls with moderate levels of aggressive or disruptive behaviors were more prone to depression, school dropout, and early pregnancy (Schaeffer, Petras, Ialongo, Masyn, Hubbard, Poduska, et al., 2006, p. 500).

• Both men and women victimized by psychological aggression had also been more physically abused, and showed greater psychological distress, anxiety, and poor health, than those not victimized, and in addition females showed greater signs of depression (Taft, O’Farrel, Torres, Panuzio, Monson, Murphy, et al, 2006, p. 581).

• Sexual victimization history more than gender was a key determining symptom of PSTD, which linked “PTSD risk [severity] to sexually violent situations” rather than feminine femininity (Cortina & Kubiak, 2006, p. 753).

• Men had more physically aggressive responses than women and each were affected by frustration, but in addition men were more affected by stress and negative emotion (Verona & Curtin, 2006, p. 115).

• Males showed a significant variance in aggressive behavior due to masculine identity and stress due to gender role (Cohn & Zeichner, 2006, p. 179).

• Job satisfaction affected positively homeless men’s success in not being hospitalized where detrimental aspects were “substance abuse, combat exposure, cognitive impairments, aggression, and physical health problems” and for females having family and friends was more positive and their detrimental aspects were “depression and suicidal thoughts” (Benda, 2006, p. 70).

• Both males and females being cued to thinking they had consumed alcohol activated expectancy-consistent behavior (Friedman, McCarthy, Bartholow, & Hicks, 2007, p. 102).

A summary or the research completed by Brehm, Kassin, & Fein (2005) shows that:

• Learning aggression takes place in childhood and where they model men who are self-centered and lack sensitivity toward others needs (p. 432), hence are punished and rewarded differently (more harshly) than women, which may cause them as adults to be arrested more, hit their spouses and other serious aggressions (p. 409 & 411).

• In addition, “Sexist attitudes and behaviors” (p. 427) might be learned from interaction with violent media, especially if predisposed to higher levels of hostility and these men are more apt to be affected by pornography where women are portrayed to be “willing participants who ‘enjoy’ their own victimization” (p. 429-430) and if they appear to be sexually aroused by it, the males may be further provoked toward aggression or violence.

• Men of nearly all cultures are more act more quickly (p. 404) toward violence and physical aggression than women (p. 402), are more likely to be murdered, are more apt to fight over a challenge to their sense of power or humiliation in their sexual relationship (p. 406), and are more willing to accept violence toward women (p. 430).

• Men have higher levels of testosterone due to stress, which is correlated to the anti-social behavior of physical aggression or violence and affected sometimes by a Southern orientation or a Machismo affect where honor and social class must be protected (p. 407 & 412).

• Women are more likely to aggress indirectly or through their relationships by telling lies, shutting out others of desired activities, targeting the other for a drop in social status, threats to end relationships, engage in backbiting or gossip, and in persuading others not to like their target (p. 403) and will respond when frustrated, insulted, or threatened (p. 404).

At our center we serve adults with developmental disabilities that are about 2/3 females to 1/3 males. The females are in more direct control than the males, but are subservient when push comes to shove. The males have control because they are the half of the relationship the females’ desire and since there are fewer of them, the women try and trade them like greeting cards. The males for the most part seem to like this attention, but will put their foot down when the females ask too much of them such as information or flattery of the females physical or mental assets.

The males seem to garnish a sense of privacy and space because the female tendency seems to be to crowd them or "corner" them. In this manner the girls are more aggressive. The females are insecure if the males are not interacting. The behavior of the girls seems to be that their fathers and brothers had dominance in the household. To the degree they can control that (i.e. ask for favors or be relieved of tasks), they show more willingness to boost the males more fragile ego. A female who misses her mark is likely to show anger, jealousy, anxiety, or sadness. There is no problem with substance abuse though a few reports of sexual abuse.

Job status seems to be a big issue for everyone. If the individuals show mental stability they are more apt to be brought into the larger community through job placement. If they cannot be trusted - especially the women through a younger orientation of feigning hopelessly over the attentive males, then they aren't ready to be trusted independently due to the safety issue of them wandering off. Some of the guys at the center are face forward with their sexual drives or interests, and a good majority of the females that are aware of themselves think that they would like to have babies and be someone's wife. They would be vulnerable to others in the community wanting to use them.

Gone unchecked being romanced is often an end goal for the females and they have no further thought toward many other desires. Our job as service providers is to assist them in working toward functioning independently as possible within the community regardless of their hope for a white knight. Sometimes we are the people they resist because we represent a reality not all of them want to face. For example most won't be married or have children; their families don't wish to even invite friends over. This is pretty sad. We try to make things better. It's about quality of life and it starts with being in safe relationships to men and women.

References

Baillargeon, R. H. Zoccolillo, M., Keenan, K., Cote, S. Perusse, D., Wu, H., Boivin, M., and Tremblay, R. E. (2007, January). Gender differences in physical aggression: A prospective population-based survey of children before and after 2 years of age. Developmental Psychology, 43(1), 13-26. Retrieved February 25, 2007, from psycARTICLES data base.

Benda, B. B. (2006, January). Survival analyses of social support and trauma among homeless male and female veterans who abuse substances. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 76(1), 70-79. Retrieved February 25, 2007, from PsycARTICLES data base.

Brehm, S. S., Kassin, S., & Fein, S. (2005). Social Psychology [6th ed]. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company.

Cohn, A. & Zeichner, A. (2006, October). Effects of masculine identity and gender role stress on aggression in men. Psychology of men & Masculinity, 7(4), 179-190. Retrieved February 25, 2007, from PsycARTICLES data base.

Cortina, L. M., & Kubiak, S. P. (2006, November). Gender and posttraumatic stress: sexual violence as an explanation for women’s increased risk. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 115(4), 753-579. Retrieved February 25, 2007, from PsycARTICLES data base.

Friedman, R. S., McCarthy, D. M., Barholow, B. D., & Hicks, J. A. (2007, February). Interactive effects of alcohol outcome expectancies and alcohol cues on nonconsumptive behavior. Experimental and Clinical Psychopharmacology, 15(1), 102-114. Retrieved February 25, 2007, from PsycARTICLES data base.

Schaeffer, C. M., Petras, H., Ialongo, N., Masyn, K. E. Hubbard, S. Poduska, J., & Kellam S. (2006, June). A comparison of girls’ and boys’ aggressive-disruptive behavior trajectories across elementary school: Prediction t young adult antisocial outcomes. Journal of Consulting and Clincal psychology, 74(3), 500-510. Retrieved February 25, 2007, from PsycARTICLES data base.

Taft, C. T., O’Farrell, T. J., Torres, S. E., Panuzio, J., Monson, C. M. Murphy, M., & Murphy, C. M. (2006, December). Examining the correlates o psychological aggression among a community sample of couples. Journal of Family Psychology, 20(4), 581-588. Retrieved February 25, 2007, from PsycARTICLES data base.

Verona, E., & Curtin, J. J. (2006, February). Gender differences in negative affective priming of aggressive behavior. Emotion, 6(1), 115-124. Retrieved February 25, 2007, from PsycARTICLES data base.

Paper Ends here …



WOOHOOOO!!! Beat midnight deadline by 14 minutes!!!

posted by Ann Marie @ 2/26/2007 04:29:00 AM Comments: 0

Woo Hooo One Down One More To Go Tonight!

Ok, ok … we made a baby post to get that part of our morning out of our head. I think it might have something to do with a medicine change where were taking one med in the morning and then the same twice during the evening … it’s the only thing I can figure as to being so sleepy … unless it’s more a problem of the sleep apnea. I know falling asleep in a repetitive instance is like a warning sign.

Hmm, cleared a few cobwebs. We took the medicine about 45 minutes ago and have been in IM with our friend for the last 30 minutes. That seemed to help. We did some talking over of several things, but pretty much centered again on the wagon and money …

Trying to work through things. He said we’ll play it by ear as to what we owe him and should be able to pay by late April. That’s if all the cards fall in the right basket. It is a big concern to us. We don’t want to have him in this type of relationship to us that he’s paying our way. We’ve always been independent as to the money. I like that I don’t cost him any more than a periodic dinner out … and at that, we’ve been doing most the meals this last year with sandwiches. Not so much eating out anymore. We don’t go out and do other things that might cost money like the theatre or movies, or other forms of entertainment. Mostly it is a cuddly womb experience … our entertainment … in that there’s a lot of smooching up together. That’s fine by me 

Ok, by now it is about 9:15 am. We are getting more worried as we go because we are so out of touch with school. I think we have a deadline today that is going to mean that I have to write two papers and leave at least 4 comments. And, if that gets done, I’ll still be a week behind. The good part is that I’ve done the text and reader reading for the papers … just have to get something from the library to fill her in. I need to make this transition and I’m feeling a little leary of it because its going to demand that I can think succinctly. I might have to do something toward that now. Maybe I should start with going to the classroom to see if there are any fires to put out. Hold on … we gotta do this … SWEETIE SAYS!!!

Ok, we’re back and taking a semi-break … we’re just going to jot down a few thoughts because we are waiting on a late lunch. I did the comments for the last two sessions. The absolute fact though is that if I’m going to keep a 100% score, I am going to need doing two papers tonight. I’ve just started scratching out the outline for the first paper, which is on aggressive and violent behavior, the next one is about the same, but as it reflects on gender. I think I’m going to slip back into something comfortable. I had dressed to move the car so that he could snow plow – our maintenance guy. That was a good thing. I like it when the lot is free of most snow and ice. In the meantime … I went as far as to make an extra pot of coffee. I don’t usually do this, but I might need to work up until the midnight hour and I think its going to be necessary messing with my senses.

Ok, I think we lost too much time on that one … we are going to save the rest of the reading for later. We’ve got about 50-60 more posts to go through. I know I should just skip them, but then I lose out so much on what’s going on. I’ve already lost out in timely response to most, I’m sure many have assignments in and are working on the next or their final paper. I’m always in arrear. No time though like the present … just gotta remember I can do it. Ok, will be over here 


Start Paper HERE …


Topic: u06d1 Violence and Aggressive Behavior Date: February 25, 2007 6:08 PM

Subject: In response to the assignment from Ann
Author: Garvey, Ann
Last edited on: February 25, 2007 6:30 PM

The question is “does viewing violent behavior increase the likelihood of aggressive behavior?” Looking immediately to our text, we find there is an overwhelming “causal connection between media violence and aggressive behavior in some children” (Andersen & Bushman, 2002a, p. 2377 as cited in Brehm, Kassin, & Fein, 2005, p. 426). Our text authors also state that there is “No evidence that viewing media violence causes real-world aggression” because “no one can prove that a specific fictional depiction was the primary cause of a specific act of violence. There are always other possibilities” (p. 424). This point on "proof" whereby tests may be insufficient, will be addressed briefly in a moment by discussion of Fiedler & Freytag.

Specifically, Brehm, Kassin, & Feing (2005, p. 425) state research supports “media violence contributed to real aggression and violence.” The exclusiveness of “cause” causes a stumbling block as to implanting true change in the field. There seems to be needs for media violence in that people are conditioned to fight or flight, which brings up again the question of catharsis. The text authors add “our values and attitudes toward aggression [make] it seem more legitimate and even necessary for social interaction and resolution of social conflicts” (p. 428), but the media forms are socially interactive and the violent games, media and TV are a means of dealing with social conflict. This perspective has been well established by producers of media violence who have perhaps overwritten their cue and avoid detrimental reigning-in especially due to testing inadequacies.

Fiedler & Freytag (2004, p. 453) argue that “There is no logical basis for inferring a contingency of TV habits and aggression. The existence of both absolute trends in the entire class does not imply that the relative aggression rate is higher in those students who watch TV a lot.” Fiedler and Freytag argue their point because the event of TV habits and aggressive behavior need to be tested at the same time at different categorical levels for example in a school classroom opposed to verbal self-disclosures of home usage (p. 454). The value of their argument is to challenge the testing resources that are available, though at the end of their study they conclude weakly that because testing comes closest to approximating contingencies of physical and social worlds that although “common” they do represent our best chance of making sense of our environment (p. 467).

Andersen & Dill (2000, p. 772) show the result that “real-life violent video game play was positively related to aggressive behavior and delinquency,” Although they state that this is more common for individuals who are either men or are characteristically aggressive. And, Huesmann, Moise-Titus, Podolski, & Eron (2003, p. 201) state that “media violence predicts young adult aggressive behavior for both males and females” and “identification with aggressive TV characters and perceived realism of TV violence also predict[s] later aggression” “Media violence was said to be in affect regardless of socioeconomic status, intellectual ability, and a variety of parenting factors” (p. 201). In the follow-up work for the next lesson, we will look more at specific male qualities that affect aggression, such as testosterone. But, identity formation is a major purpose factor for all young adults. Game systems even the field and are seen as a means of competing in a global arena without direct violence.

The debilitating factors of violent media exposure might include rehearsal of “aggressive scripts that teach and reinforce vigilance for enemies (i.e., hostile perception bias), aggressive action against others, expectations that others will behave aggressively, positive attitudes toward use of violence, and beliefs that violent solutions are effective and appropriate” (Andersen & Dill, 2000, p. 774). This level of thinking takes into accordance the affects of long-term usage on the players and the mediating factors of the violent messages as being over-learned and reinforced, though they state to take affect the intake must be coupled with some kind of provocation (p. 774). Huesmann, et. Al (2003, p. 201) suggest

[Indent here] most researchers of aggression agree that severe aggressive and violent behavior seldom occurs unless there is a convergence of multiple predisposing and precipitating factors such as neurophysiologic abnormalities, poor child rearing, socioeconomic deprivation, poor peer relations, attitudes and beliefs supporting aggression, drug and alcohol abuse, frustration and provocation, and other factors [End indentation].

If one were laden down with one or more factors that leant themselves to violence, they may find themselves relating more often to people and social environments that were also violent because of less violent people do not tolerate aggression and show this by interacting less with those who hold violent “outlooks, perceptual biases, attitudes, beliefs, and behavior” (Andersen & Dill, p. 774). The violence is dangerous to health and well-being. Brehm, Kassin, & Fein (2005, p. 426) include characteristic traits of aggression as being irritability, hostility, and a lack of empathy. And, Huesmann et al (2003, p. 202) note that being situated with more violence, the individual will habituate, so he is desensitized toward violence and will offer a flat response when given opportunity toward it because it fits with a scripts and schemas that have been prepared or primed toward aggression.

Lastly, the contribution of Bandera’s Social Learning Theory on Aggression states that we “learn from the example of others as well as from direct experience with rewards and punishments” and this applies to both prosocial and antisocial behavior (Brehm, Kassin, & Fein, 2005, p. 410). If the behavior goes unchecked; without punishment the aggressive behavior will increase though if the individual is given the opportunity to model pro-social behavior, he can adjust positively. It would seem then that for individuals who interact frequently with violent media through television, video games or music, they would need to take healthy breaks from it to re-orientate. As with most things in life, balance is the ideal. Yoga with a yoga master would be nice.

References

Andersen, C. A. & Dill, K. E. (2000, Apr). Video games and aggressive thoughts, feelings, and behavior in the laboratory and in life. Journal of Peronality and Social Psycholgoy, 78(4), 772-790. Retrieved February 25, 2007, from PsycARTICLES data base.

Brehm, S. S., Kassin, S., & Fein, S. (2005). Social Psychology [6th ed]. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company.

Fiedler, K. & Freytag, P. (2004). Psudocontingencies. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87(4), 453-467. Retrieved February 25, 2007, from PschARTICLES data base.

Huesmann, L. R. Moise-Titus, J., Podolski, C, & Eron, L. D. (2003, Mar), Longitudinal relations between children’s exposure to TV violence and their aggressive and violent behavior in young adulthood: 1977-1992. Developmental Psychology, 39(2), 201-221. Retrieved February 25, 2007, from PsycARTICLES data base.

End Paper HERE …

posted by Ann Marie @ 2/25/2007 07:04:00 PM Comments: 1

Ok, we gotsta get moving ... maybe someone should take the medicine???!! Wake up!

Good morning … we’re off to a silly start … I was just thinking there has been a certain progression … do you see it?

posted by Ann Marie @ 2/25/2007 07:26:00 AM Comments: 0

Ok, we kind of go on here ... but important post for the financial working over with the car and debt...

(From the most wonderful Deb Honey Bunny)

Good morning. It’s me. It’s about 4:20 am now and I think we’re finally waking up. We’ve been up for the kitties, but were nappin again at the keyboard. Don’t know why we’re doing that. But, we’re going to try making it through now. We just had a jolt … in that we stopped over at the bank, because we’ve been looking for some tax money and instead we found that we’d actually had written a check for $2000 while at the dealership and they cashed it. There was only about $1000 in the account. Why my bank didn’t bounce that baby, I don’t know, but they make money every time I’m overdrawn and that might have something to do with it … but, $1000 over? Then there was a $50 autopayment after that and they cashed that one too. I’m really not sure whose helping or not. We have to look seriously again now at the account, but not right now … too many cobwebs. I’m glad for one thing … my friend had taken out first $300 for me $100 was spent on medicine, and he gave me one more $50 for gas and parking and he’s held onto the other $150. We didn’t really do that on our own … he just suggested wouldn’t you feel better knowing it was there. We have to admit that he is right. At this point, we’re way overwhelmed with money.

Ok, that was a lot for the opening paragraph … Let’s slow down a minute here, maybe take a sip of coffee, ok?

Hmm, Saturday morning … good stuff, right? Ok, girl … come on don’t be scared. Just try it again.

Ok, what have we been doing. Hmm, lookin at our blog seems that we’ve been writing a series of short notes. Well this being Saturday, you know that isn’t going to happen. We feature LONG blogs on Saturday.

Ahh some morning radio … a nice long song we found on the Urge thing … It’s called, “Plush.” It promises to be “contemporary pop music, without the racket. Lush melodies, rich voice and thought expressions combine to create the ultimate in office friendly radio.” It’s played so far Jeffrey Osborne (On the Wings of Love), Elton John (The Bridge), R.E.M (Everybody Hurts), Journey (Faithfully), and Evan & Jaron (Crazy for this Girl). Ok, we won’t do a rundown all day, but wanted to give you the gist. Nice stuff.

So are we to the point of the morning (5 am) where we figure out where we’ve been this week? I think we’ve been for one at work all week, well except Monday. And, we went to Dr. Marvin’s. I think I want to start there … not sure how much we’ll remember but it was a pretty tough session … tiring because of the number of younger parts out.

We went in not such good shape. Our friend had given us that $50 and we figured we had to break it first because the parking garage didn’t take bills that big. One way or another we ended up eating very, very greasy food from Long John Silvers or something like that. I think we’ve only tried that place a handful of times in our lifetime … because it’s so greasy. It upsets our equilibrium … Every time I do something not so smart … it starts by the thinking that it won’t be too bad, then it’s terrible and I got nobody to blame, but me. The next thing that happened was that Dr. Marvin was in part hiding behind the door … that seemed to be a big problem. We were trying not to scream by biting our tongue.

Whoops … fell asleep again … anyone getting think its sounding like a ddddddddddddddddddd

Damn. There it goes again … we were going to say it’s a process of “denial.” Yah D you!

Ok, we’re up … we’re up … got some more coffee … better turn down the music some? Good, good … turned it down to 50%. I can function now right? Where were we? Ahh Dr. M. That was a very strange experience, but maybe it is every time the younger parts were out. Gracie was there and several other younger parts … Casey and KC for sure, but also Anna … not sure about Crystal, Probably Anniemi. Sarah, Ann, me.

When there is that much rapid switching there is for sure going to be some confusion. Dr. Marvin said we were having body memories. It’s where the body remembers something that had happened and the mind doesn’t know what the f)(& is going on. The bottom line was just that we ALL went through the process of doing something to gain a memory of a cloth sock monkey that was used to put in our mouth to keep us from screaming.

What that is supposed to mean to me … I’m not sure. Shoot happened again … this time we felt ourselves being pulled down hiding between two hands meeting to face double-palms ups from our foreghead. Ok, ok … stop. We’ll talk about something else, k? we’re getting nothing, but

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ACK!

Another 15 minutes. Ok work. We’re going to talk about work. Hmm … good? Safe? We can do that right? It’s kinda strange because between the nappin we’re not feeling tired. Hmm two pages in just short of a couple hours. Ok, shhhhhhhh let’s not be crabby.

Ok, done that … next.

I think this coffee is gradually getting drank. Oh yeah work. I remember …
Hmm, well we did pretty good without the last Q, all considering. We never made it to CARF though. Well about 15 minutes, but then we were interrupted, so I don’t think that counts. We had started off the week on Tuesday with that staff that got fired. And, then what happened on Wed.? I think that was the day of the Behavior meeting? No, that was Tuesday. I think I remember taking all day and just finally getting the behavior meeting notes typed up, but I don’t remember that day. Oh yeah … we went through the stuff over at the last Q’s desk … going through drawers and computer and such. That was a little something … she was pretty organized. She really hadn’t been exposed to as much as I considered, but it had been enough. I don’t remember a lot of that day either.

I do remember more of Thursday … cuz we had to do the clients goals in the morning.

I don’t think Sister is real happy about that, but she has to live with her decision. She’s like well, does it have to take so much time … yes sister … it does. I said we are only doing 10 minutes per goal, but between the clients there are 15 goals … so it takes the majority of the morning … and there was a little trickyness in figuring them all out again and how to record them. I think for the most part it went ok, I might have to change one or two of the goals, but I remembered how to do goals as soon as we were with the clients. Like, ok this is too hard, this is too hard, let’s work on this element. Maybe it is just me though, I’m going to need doing some figuring out to understand the coding system. I’m thinking she was following our instruction. So, be more of getting back into where we were. We seemed to do ok with giving percents for things, but, I don’t think that’s what was happening … it just helped us make use of the changes we were making to adapt to the client’s needs.

I was glad it was over by lunchtime though, because it is hard for us to be around people for those periods of time that were that long. It’s like I have to be nice, but we barely have that much nice in us. I’m pretty sure that’s it. After that we ate did lunch room duty, lunch, preparation, and then there was staff training.

I thought staff training went pretty well this time. We were going over OSHA regulations 1910.1030 Bloodborne pathogens. That basically is like 36 pages of stuff after it’s printed out. Pshwoo. We only went through the first 1/3 of it though. I was surprised by the amount of talking about stuff the ladies wanted to be doing. It was very good actually … and there were several notes of things that we wanted to bring to sister’s attention (from the group). That was cool, I forgot to type up the list though on Friday – so that will have to be right away next week, so it can get on the agenda of the staff meeting on Friday. Most likely the Administration meeting too. The group was very involved in the discussion from the first part to the last … though we felt a little overwhelmed at one point in realizing that we’d gotten through only so many pages and knowing how many of them there were to go. I read the material three times in total before the meeting, so I was familiar with it enough to be able to forecast answers, but things would be discussed such as women’s personal things and elimination needs, and everything else that’s kinda gross. This group is tough. They know what universal means as far as that we are to train for the extreme situation so that we are prepared for the least. I was glad that someone had brought up at the last meeting the red bags, but now we’ll have to figure out whether or not we need another container. I know that it is supposed to be marked, but I wasn’t sure if our regular garbage truck picked it up or someone different. We discussed protective gear and other stuff like hepatitis shots … all the details of stuff were getting discussed, such as determination of exposure and not applying lip balm while in the rooms. Gazillion stuff, but it was a good meeting. We were getting things accomplished and I think everyone was learning.

There were some other training materials that the center has used in the past, but nothing prepared us as much as this set of materials. I had sat down ahead of time and was going to highlight only the important paragraphs, but it was like EVERYthing was getting highlighted hehehe. Its ok, it’s ok. Good discussion. I am always like so amazed the depths this group will take things. Hmm, and it was pretty good because the other meetings had been four people more. The leaving Q wasn’t there of course, or the one that was fired, but as well two DSPs were out – the mother and the one that we’ve had problems with lately. She usually is an asset to these meetings, because she has a nursing background and so then has lots of experiences.

I think the newest staff can be a trouble maker at meetings, because it’s been shown, she can be overwhelmed, but she really is going to be an asset to the meetings too, because she’s not timid of being involved. I think she wants to be a leader though it’s kind of fast. She’s a little more upper class than most of us … I don’t think naturally as much as they’ve worked toward it. She has a newer house and last week was telling us about her home entertain room with theatre 72” screen and seats on platform and theatre popcorn and all. She had said that it’s what her husband wanted. 72”??? That’s like 6 feet. She said the chairs are each recliners … Like ok ok … I think I would want that. BUT, since we think movies aren’t as important as computers, unless it could be hooked up there wasn’t really a need. Be kinda cool though to sit back in a recliner with a platform type keyboard and type.

Maybe though our hands would get tired because they were being extended up. AND, we would then SURELY fall asleep! Eh, best we work at the table here.

Anyway … I think we got sidetracked. This is a suburb-type soccer mom. She has her 4-5 year old daughter in something every night after school and on Saturdays … That’s a lot of moving around. I say go for it, but there are some limits … Sometimes a kid has got to just hang-out!

Ok, ok anyway … so that was a good meeting, I told them we’d keep working on it til we got done, but we’re on schedule to finish in two more meetings. I feel good about that. We’ll feel like its been totally discussed. There were a few people that hung around afterward to discuss stuff and that’s kinda nice too though afterward all we want to do is crash some. We’re holding up. Then after that was Dr. M.’s meeting, but we’re not willing to go there quite yet. It’s been nice not falling asleep every 3 minutes.

On Friday we went in and for some reason we were a little confused and it got worse before it got better. We had to spend like an hour getting our big computer up to speed and then the small computer was iffy. Pshoot! We’re not going there!

Basically, it was a problem that everything was boggy and then it wanted not to open it went through a bunch of internal tests and finally kicked in, but not sure if it won’t happen again. We’ll have to see. When we finally got things working we were phased so we started an entry like this … All in all it was only 2 pages where so far we’re up to 5 pages on this one. But, we were like ok, what do we do next … ok, that’s done, what next? We walked ourselves through a few things until we got situated again. There were a few odd tasks like getting signatures for the staff meetings and making sure the other Q got in her set of universal precautions from the clients. But, basically, how we did things was to first go through the cards on our main desk and see if any of them needed follow through. It seemed a few could be thrown away, but each needed a little something. There were calls to be made.

And then, after that was done we went through our “todo” tray. That was like everything had to have something done too. Like we had to look at those behavior notes and make more calls, and check the psych schedule and make some calls. Well, you are getting the drift of it. One of the things I dislike most is making a bunch of calls. Well, I can do it just fine … just takes me a while to get there. AND, I find if I start calling people, they are going to want to call me back! YEEKS! Why would I want people calling and interrupting me in the middle of everything I am doing??!!

Yah liked that idea a lot. But, it got me connected to some of the families that were close to getting in their medicals and such … so that was pretty good. I actually got quite a few things done along that line and I didn’t stop … I then went to the cubby hole on the computer desk that has all those DSP chrononotes before they get filed. And, I filed them. I think we went all the way back until September. So you can see how much we like that job. I was glad in that the leaving Q had at least sorted most of them … there was a piece a paper for each client for each of those months … and its work. After that … we decided to go ahead and do a couple more cubbies and trays. You get the general drift. We were cleaning up. We got as far as to the Qnotes. We counted them and found that there were 17 of them done, which left 5-6 to do … that’s like being in pretty good shape. I need to sign some of them and finish ‘em up. I also had to get copies of everything for group 2 because the DSP wants to claim that the one leaving left everything irrepairable. She also told us that the DSP who had left had not done any Goal data sheets for the entire last month. Like shoot … going to need handling that somehow. Now the DSP taking over – who had been working in there part time … says she doesn’t remember how to do any of the goals so I am going to need teaching her all over again. I’ve taught and taught til I’m blue in the face … hehehe, well not really, but sorta. This is the DSP that plays umm non-remembering when she’s confused … but, I know if I don’t work with her, she too will skip doing any of the sheets. So, best get em going … we have a meeting on Tuesday at 2 pm.

Then we had a Thinking Group meeting. I liked that one too. I felt we were through talking about the questions CARF wanted the clients to answer, so we decided late moment to go into an explanation of the whole process. We started with folder #1 – Input. We taught them about their input, the personnel input and the stakeholder’s input. That was very good stuff. We did a little bit of how to recognize we were doing a good job, but in all many new things were learned. I think they held interest until the last 5 minutes, and at that time, enough had left so that the one’s who remain were thinking … it’s Friday and I wanna go home! LOL Um, we were thinking that too. I was proud of them for how long they stuck it out. Most of them were involved if for no other means to be raising their hands appropriately.

This isnt’ the same as in most groups. It’s usually done with a lot of cheering and applauding and such. Everything is a big deal. For example, I could say … how many people talk at their staff meeting!?? And, they’d be like yah yah .. that’s me!

You gotta love these guys … they don’t read or write so much so I think one way they have of going along is to be reminded of their experiences. Like we might say … how many remember last St. Patrick’s Day? WHOOOO HOOO Pizza! Oh yeah they all like that! And, for the one’s who don’t remember at first, or weren’t here, they get swept up in the excitement of those that do. I’ll ask, what do you remember about it? There was this one point when we were talking about their input to staff and I asked them what kinds of things might they bring up. One girl had talked about staff helping her with the bad feelings, and another had talked about staff helping with a problem from home, and the third individual stood up and was saying something I didn’t understand at first. He tends to drift so we were figuring is he on track, and then someone explained he was talking about washing the disease off his hands.

HEHEHE I just started laughing and laughing … I realized this was a consequence of the DSP meeting where we were talking about the universal precautions. I felt everything had gone full circle in that what we’d taught at one level had gone to another, and now that level was teaching me! Love it!

They are such excellent people … and of course there is the task at the end of the time where they help stack the chairs so the floors can be cleaned. God bless em! Usually, there are a few hanger oners and those are the people that get to turn off the light and straighten the place mats. Not a big deal, but a part of finalizing things. It’s a good program. I think the part that they showed a particular interest in was not how they or the other stakeholders, but the staff talked to one another. I found they had been curious as to what was going on during those meetings. They knew the meetings by when such and such people get together in one particular place or another. Like they knew the administrative team met in Sr’s office.

It’s my plan that we go through each of the standards. We figure that will give them such a different orientation and ownership of the center that … I don’t know just can’t be beat. They are so receptive … we’re very proud of them. There were minimal interruptions. Well, one girl was interrupting she kept asking or telling long-winded things, but we tried to work with it. I feel a little guilty now though cuz we were using our shhhhhhsy voice. Ok, Ok … that’s enough … we’re not going there, this meeting we’re going to stay on track. Shhhhhh, no, we’re going to talk about …” This girl has a tendency to want to talk about her personal friendships and this isn’t what this meeting is about. We do talk quite a bit about friendships and other relationships, but its important that they can follow along if they are expected to join other meetings outside the center. We talk about things as they apply to everyone. And, there is usually a topic at hand and I hold an expectation that people don’t veer. So, If we’re talking about a satisfaction survey, I do not necessarily want to hear about your sisters’ new car, although most likely I might say, Ohhh are you telling me that you and your sister are very satisfied with the new car? YES! Ok, ok that’s great, but right now we’re going to focus on the things at the center that make you feel satisfied. One question though … does she drive you to the center with the new car? YES! Ok, well that’s sorta on track then, Ok, whose next?

So, that’s the general gist of that. There are about 40 people at the start … so if divergent plans start unfolding then we do the normal thing in moving folks around or hehehe in one case yesterday … I said to the group in back that likes to talk more amongst themselves that they were on a different agenda. Obviously, we’ve talked enough because they know what an agenda is … and the smarty-panz one said … we want our own agenda … and then we told them fine! I’ll be back in a second cuz we’re all going to join yours! AHHHH that’s not what they bargained on they all start laughing and being silly thinking of everyone paying attention to their private business. It did though get their attention. Private business is for private time, not Thinking Group. Thinking Group we hang together. And, they are so used to the group that they will admonish themselves if someone isn’t listening to the speaker. Ok, let’s all listen to so and so … he’s got the floor. At one point one of the clients who doesn’t speak stood up and it was noticed that her coat was sorta on in that one arm was part way through. She obviously needed help cuz it was upside down. I teased that she was telling us that the meeting was long enough and it was time to go home. You barely have to ask before someone says, I will help her … and someone scoots over to rearrange the coat and struggle with the zipper.

The whole groups cheers for the helper as she works the complicated hat scarf combination in consideration the quiet client is half a foot taller than her and an eensy bit wider. HEhehe … Oh man it’s such a good group. I’m just so happy that they’ve turned out to be such good people. They really are cool. Nice way to end a Friday too.

Well there was a little more straightening up. One of the DSPs who isn’t in everyday had found her way back to our corner of the building after all the clients had left. She was working with her computer and always has something she can’t figure out, so on our way past her, we’ll help figure it out, but by then we’re baited and hooked. Best to pull up a chair. She’ll say something like I don’t know if this is the right time, but I just wanted to tell you about … so and so. And, then the conversation will go on and on because there is just never a little bit about any one client … staff can get into some pretty phenomenal figuring. Well today, such and such happenened and I was just wondering if such and such could be affecting, because usually such and such happens an so forth. The number of conversations we’ve had like this are countless … I usually find them fascinating though, because it is cool to listen to the events that are happening out there and how people are responding to them. We usually take the role of just pulling in the boundaries a little … sort of like the focusing work we just explained to concerning the clients. I will draw attention to the factors I consider most important to watch.

There is a little work that has to be done in helping them feel better too. This one for example wanted to call attention to the fact that things are different now that she’s only there 3 days instead of 5 days. She wanted to say the “sub” staff – she doesn’t like to refer to 2-day staff or 3-day staff … it’s that sense of ownership they all get into. It’s “their” group, but anyway she was saying how the client seemed pretty banged-up in care of the other staff. Yes, I know, I know … well, she’s gone now. We’ll get things back in order. Are you considering coming back more? That be cool, no no don’t rush it. Your decision. I had another few moments with another staff. I had just dropped by to tell her something small, but she kept adding to the conversation like this other one. You know … when you give the conversation a rest and start to edge out of the room, and then the other starts talking again. Ok, ok … we’ll do this what else? But, what we found from this 2nd staff was that she was actually looking for maybe was confirmation that she’d been doing a good job, and of course she was. I should have picked that up faster, but sometimes it takes a while. Duh. Ok, noooo your doing fine! Great job with the clients. So and so loves you and is so much better since …

I think only the staff that got fired complained about me this week. One of the reasons she had been offended by us was that we talked about things she had thought off limits. I had talked about abortion one meeting as to decisions that were being made into law in France concerning the abortion of people with mental retardation.

She found that pretty offensive … like, ok … so we can’t talk about controversial subjects? I never said one way or another, because I’ve never taken a position other than attentive bystander, but she was grasping at straws by this time. She had and some of the other staff also have talked to sister about being offended that I would bring up having multiple personalities. They are pretty horrified of that subject. Some of them apparently think having a mental illness is a secret thing.

It has never been disclosed to me, which ones have a problem. I wish they’d be more honest, but maybe there are other complications. Sometimes they complain about me being too smart. Or, sometimes they say I’m not friendly enough. It’s sort of a collective mood thing. If they are tired, they will say I was boring. If they are intimidated than I’m not friendly enough and if the material is tougher they’ll say we’re too smart. So, it becomes a general gauge. We know in general they externalize their attributions to us always being the one in the wrong.

It’s hard though because Sr. uses it to manipulate us. She’l say well the staff say … I know she does things like leading the witness. She’s say don’t you think Ann talks about things that are personal. And, they will say yes sister. ACK! Can’t win! Hehehe … the hardest part is not getting defensive. Instead of remembering things are being out of context you’ll think, “Nooooo, I’m not that!” Like now I ask … is this a staff whose disasatisfied with her position? Was she disgruntled?

Oh she just quit? Ok, yes that’s valuable information. I know now that people who quit think such and such and are vindictive … that’s better than thinking practically as if this person didn’t have a cross to burn. Right?

The lesson here with this one on Sr.s level was that there were 3 pages of bad feelings about sister … a couple sentences about us, and she even complained about the special program she was sent and out of all those negative things Sr. had thought it was me that better change. Because a quitting person said something!?? YEEKS Scream on brakes!!??

Hmm guess we’re a little upset about that this week? Eh … let it go. We didn’t think it was big enough to bring up at Dr. M’s how big could it be? Nothing new.

*Mope*

Ok, feel better … we just had some raw vegetables and reread the post. I guess we’re moving through things slowly. Hmm, someone left a picture of our car up … I wonder who that was. It’s not so bad … we’re getting used to her. She sure is fun to drive. Yeeks everytime I think that I think I better bite my tongue because our friend was pretty upset about us buying it. Now he is saying that he doesn’t want us to feel bad so its ok to like it, but we don’t so much trust that position … it’s the kind of thing that could come back to us if we made another unfrugal choice. That seems to be the kind of person we’re turning out to be.

In this particular interest though, we would like to say for the record that maybe it is exactly what God intended for me? Could you go that way for a few moments with us? Why don’t we think of it as God has a plan for everything  I think he wants to help us develop a new personality … we have to do something so that we think its ok, to get in and out of our new car and face down people looking strangely at us from their vehicles. Say … that sure is scary isn’t it? Do you look at people when you are driving? I try very hard not to. Most time I don’t even think of it. I look at the backs of vehicles and as soon as I figure I am pass them, I’m looking ahead to the next vehicle. Never like to look at people. They’re like messed up. All over the place. If I’m going to look at people I’m going to get paid for it. I don’t want to be driving down the street thinking of people and their problems. But, this week we peeked a couple of time … Damn that’s just scary stuff.

Anyway getting back … somehow this car and us are made for each other during this particular time of my life. I have to be sure of that because we know most likely for the next decade her and me are a team. We really do appreciate her spunk about that … she’s not as apt as others to get an inferiority complex. She’s gutsy … just sticks her chest out and keeps on moving. Really got to admire her for that. She’s a little bouncy over rough roads to. But we figure that’s ok too … sort of like a dog who’s a boxer. Just a little bouncy or my granddaughter for that matter. She’s bouncy too. Hehehe wouldn’t that be cool if this car made it that far down the road that it become my bouncy granddaughter’s first car? That’s what grandma’s do you know … they pass on cars! Ahh that’s a nice new thought!

Anyway, me and she are learning to keep things picked up, because she doesn’t like to be disordered. We need to go past one of our sons houses soon, because she needs another bath and out near their neighborhood they have a nice $3 car wash. Woo HOOO … short, but sweet! We finished cleaning out the stuff last weekend I think. Or maybe Monday? I think we talked about that already. But, she is such a beauty inside. Her seats are a sturdy cloth that are two toned straight black and black with a little pattern … here wait, I’ll show you.





Isn’t that so cool, can’t you tell why we think she is so pretty and the cloth is padded so that’s neat. The one thing we’re not so sure of now is the lack of metal between us and something going wrong. I figure if we’re in an accident where a normal person would be thrown, we’re not going to fit through the window so we’ll be stuck there where the car explodes because the gas is on the driver’s side. Yah we think of these things. And like we said the metal isn’t thick the doors are very thin and her front end is pretty short. But, of course this is nice in other ways, because I feel like I’m right up front while driving! We haven’t adjusted to the darker windows in back either in that we flash look to our rear to make sure there are no cars coming before we turn, and it is hard for us to separate there is a car on the other side of the black window. We spotted something neat this week in that Her back set of side windows has an automatic heater thing, that is pretty cool, and we haven’t figured it out yet, but we think the tires look bigger than 15”, but we’re not sure of that yet. We’ll see. Always have something in our hands that makes tipping over to read them difficult. We’ve run into some people having attitudes against her where they didn’t have with the grand am. People don’t mind being passed … most people by a grand am, but they don’t so much like being passed by a box. Hehehehe little trouble people trying to out run her and we get that determined look and just want to go … or we’ll go fast then slow and just let them pass innocently like. Uh huh that’s us innocent,  We still have to figure what we are going to carry in her … she certainly looks like she wants to carry something.

I think it would make her feel more important. AHA! Just thinking … she better trot herself over to somewhere over the next 3 days and get her city sticker before we get busted! Don’t want to forget that.

I was thinking shed’ look good with the leather suitcase, but since I’m not going anywhere that’s not such a good idea. I think we should take sister out for a ride, or let the leaving Q’s mom drive it. Think she’d like it a lot. Bet she’d want to buy one … nice handy car. Good to park, too! We had some fun with her in that regard this week. The game was just how small a spot might she take. We were real proud of her … she’s a real tight spot worker! And when she gets to a normal parking spot she pulls up graciously within the yellow lines. I think that’s a nice thing. We don’t worry about her getting clipped. We’ve taken a real attitude this week. We found ourselves driving home from Dr. M.’s Thursday thinking … HAH! Look at you all with those big wasted vehicles. Bet you are paying a pretty penny for that at the gas station! Ha!

I know, I know … it’s terrible, but like I said an attitude none the less. Sr. might like this car too, but she has like 3 and that’s enough for anyone .. don’t you think? Especially if that person doesn’t even drive! She would like the back seat ease of getting in and out and that you can put the seats down for groceries. See that’s what we mean … we don’t have anything to bring in our car. I think we’ve come to the point of knowing that if we did put something in her it have to be in the back seat or with the seat down, because that space between the seats and the back has got car care stuff in it. Hmm, that’s something we need to tell our friend when we get money again is that we want to get a couple of those milk crates
Whew … that was a tough spot. I had talked to my friend in IM for just a moment or two … I told him right away about the check being cashed. I hadn’t been able to think that through, because I hadn’t remembered that a check had been written, I thought somehow that they were going to hold until I was ready with the tax money.

I just hadn’t remembered. But, of course they would do that. Anyway our friend gave us a couple of recommendations. So we followed through on that and made one more call.

Basically, we had to call the bank and do something with the overdrawn amount. They only gave me one option, they said I should put a voluntary hold on the account so that I wouldn’t get myself in more trouble. They said it a lot nicer than that … but, we’re feeling pretty down again. What’s happened is that we can put money into the account, but we can’t get money out of it from check, credit card, auto payment or auto withdrawal. That’s pretty good thinking … need to put $1088 back in just to get even. That means I’ll be able to keep about $125 of my next check. That takes care of the first problem.

The next problem is that I won’t be able to pay for rent until March 15 and its due on the 3rd. And, I don’t know how close we are to them closing down some of my services, and I still owe 395 for the first payment on March 3rd. Hopefully, we’ll have 546 for the auto payment by the 1rst … we had to call the tax place and the IRS to figure that out. H & R Block says 7-10 days, but the government says 3 weeks.

And, that’s only for the first 1/3. I think we can safely guess the other payment maybe more toward 6 weeks, if we’re lucky that will put it at the end of March. My music service is going to be canceled and my cable is at risk along with electric. I’m safe on the medicine until the 20th. By the end of April, I should get some relief from the school money, but that is a long time to carry a debt.

This is the money part again … you can skip it if you want …

Ok, let’s work this through slow. I put this on a ledger too ... takes about 1 1/2 pages. If you skim down toward the bottom toward - I think April 15th, I can pay our friend $265, and two weeks later (May 1rst) I think I can pay you $1865. This is a poor excuse to make him wait this long. I'm very embarrassed and apologetic.

The big turning point at that point is that I expect $2200 school loan and the second part of taxes by the end of April. The other critical point here is that I ask the apartment people if I can turn in the next rent on March 15th instead of the 3rd, and on April 1rst I pay a second rent right away getting me back on track.

That way our friend won't need to come up with any big money just maybe float me a $10 periodically. Hopefully by May 1rst he is totally paid off and I'm on track again. I'll give him a chance to think about this and help me make sure we're on track. And, again we have this on ledger paper too. How exactly these things get paid with a frozen account I can't be sure ... Need more advise there. And, now thinking of it doesn't include the C-pap machine of $43 initially and $11 thereafter for 13 months until we paid it off (with 90% insurance). We've got a week to consider if that appointment shouldn't be canceled for a couple of months. That be ok, we've gotten this far without it. Ok, we're going to try focusing off money again ... we've had enough of this for now. We'll be going to pick up the extra keys/remote at the dealership within a half hour or so. We'll be back after that.

Thank you for being patient with us.

Mi

March 1rst - Deposit 1217, Payoff 1088, Deposit 546, Car 395, Cable 125, Electric 18, Surgeon 52, Gym 23, Audio blog 5, Music 10, Parking 13, Gas 25, Balance 9

[Hold groceries 665, Rich further debt 1000, government 100, AT & T 144, UIC 64, MSRI 50, dentist 150, rent 870, car insurance 70, medical 25].

March 15 - Deposit 1217, Rent 870, Medicine 100, Car Insurance 70, Parking 13, Gas 25, Balance 148

April 1 - Deposit 1217, Rent 870, Car 395, Parking 13, Gas 25, Audio blog 5, Balance 54

[Hold groceries 865, Rich further debt 1000, government 100, AT & T 144, UIC 64, dentist 150, medical 50, MSRI 50, doctor 100, car insurance 70, gym 23, electric 40, cable 100, SS 150, ].

April 15 - Deposit 1217, Groceries 265, Government 100, AT & T 144, UIC 64, Dentist 50, Medical 50, Medical 50, MSRI 50, Medical 50, Car insurance 70, Gym 23, Electric 40, Cable 100, Balance 165

[Hold groceries 865, Rich further debt 1000, government 100, AT & T 144, UIC 64, dentist 150, medical 50, MSRI 50, doctor 100, car insurance 70, gym 23, electric 40, cable 100, SS 150, ].

May 1 - Deposit 1217, Deposit 900, Deposit 2200, Friend 1865, Rent 870, Car 395, Government 100, Dentist 100, Medical 225, Parking/Gas 40, Car insurance 70, Gym 23, Audio blog 5, Cable 200, Electric 100, Balance 489

May 15 - Deposit 1217, Rent 870, Car 395, Parking/Car 40, Medicine 100, Music 10, Balance 291

This is the end of the money part … continue here…

Pshwoo … ok, there that is figured out again. The worst part is that our friend is carrying us in that we’ve got about $2000 that we’re going to owe him by the end of

April/beginning of May. I feel very bad about that. Ok, we’re done … stop … let it go.

We’re out of the shower now … Along with talking to the bank, tax place, and IRS, we had also put in a call to our car dealership and had talked to the salesman. He’s expecting us in about an hour, but its only supposed to take about a half an hour. I’ll leave about quarter after and its 12:52 now. Give me a chance to finish up. We checked out the directions and its pretty easy … but its about 10 miles on a busy street. I think we’re up to it though and it’ll be nice to get out in the car again. We’re going to see if we can do the full trip without filling up, but it will be close. Need to figure out the gauge. She’s pretty small so not easy to read. We’ll go by the red light … think that tells us we’re about 9 gallons down on a 11 gallon tank. Don’t mean to test that out further. Though in an emergency we’re thinking 60 miles more after the red light. Again, just needs to be checked out.

I don’t think we have anything else to do … maybe remember to empty the garbage and bring down a new bag. We still haven’t settled where we want to keep the garbage … I’d prefer back seat, but much easier access from the front. Getting it to the back is a tricky arm maneuver. We’ll figure it out … Want to make sure the nice seats don’t get messed up. Maybe the easier way to think of it with our friend is that we give him the next school loan check and then we’ll be even. So that is going to mean we really need to focus on school after we get back. Morning has gone to writing and figuring out car and money. I guess that was pretty important stuff though. I wasn’t sure how we were going to do it. I think we’re going to do it that is the point. Few odds and ends, but pretty close. SHHHHHH let’s stop worrying now ok. Just something we have to do. And, if we make it we should actually feel proud of ourselves, because it means that we’ll be doing school.

Doing work. Going to therapy. Getting our friend paid back a couple thousand dollars, Paying all our bills including rent. AND, having put down a couple thousand dollars and payments on a new car. That’s all actually quite a bit of financial finagling. I think it means we’ve done pretty good. Before we hadn’t the faintest how to do it. If it weren’t for holding back on money owed to our friend I would feel pretty good about it. But, we’re getting there, right? What’s done is done … we’ll have to handle our guilt and not put it off on someone else. And, then maybe somehow we can forgive ourselves for having the new car and for the car being what it is. We need to get to the point we just accept where we are … OK????? It’s going to be ok … We’ve just made a life style change. It’s going to be ok. Shhh…

Ok, you go! Drive safe!

posted by Ann Marie @ 2/24/2007 01:07:00 PM Comments: 1