Ayn's Multiple World

Ok, life is always changing ... let's just say it's new again.

Good morning, this is me. We’ve been petting Missy for about 6-7 minutes. She was purring so nicely. She had paced until she was able to lie down, but eventually my phone got an advertisement text and that was enough to startle her, which she does so easily anyway.

It’s now 4:45 am and we’ve been up for about 45 minutes. We’d gotten up earlier, but had tried to go back to bed. Just it seemed too much on our mind … PLUS sneaky bear had stolen all the covers. He doesn’t usually do that, but ya gotta keep an eye out for stuff like that – HMPF!

Yesterday wasn’t such a good day for us, but especially not a good day for Sweetie.

Basically, in a nut shell … Jillian has what seems to be the password into our main blog. She told her father she got in through his name, but he’s not passworded in. Not because he should or should not, just because when we sent him the password, he didn’t respond.

Jillian then obviously became upset as would be expected. Rich says she’s been copying out pages and pages … hundreds of pages since the night before and until she ran out of cartridge. No doubt she just then has to go to the store so she can copy hundreds and hundreds of more pages.

I don’t know what to think about this, because although there are 10 people passworded in – mostly doctors, kids and a few very close friends … Jillian is the only one that means to harm us with her knowledge of us. Rich said that she’s most likely going to show it to her mother. I think she thinks that she is duty-bound to do so. I don’t think she’ll take any responsibility for the mother’s condition after, but that’s not something I can help.

I think she must have made it seem to Rich as if look it what we’ve done to her … Rich didn’t say it like that, but I had heard him say that if she wanted that information she’d really of had to work hard to get it. The only way to get the information was to get my password. I changed it obviously, but as long as she’s in the account will let her stay in as long as she wants and doesn’t go out again.

Maybe there is some other means, but I’ve been around for a long time and know of no other.

I have to worry about now as much as we worry about anything what it means to have all my thoughts, concerns, excitements, read by someone who means to do me harm. Do I know that for sure? I don’t see why she’d go through the trouble of copying the work unless it was to use it. There was no mistake in thinking that the mother giving us a subpoena and this could come so close together. They are obviously on the same track, because Jillian then asked Rich about my school account.

As to that I’ve expressed it as saying that Rich is paying for it where that is actually an illusion of mine I use to keep things in track. His money goes to pay for the rent and cable, but since I have to make sure the rent gets paid on time – I put out the full $900 where in actuality the other half of the $900 that isn’t in yet then when Rich gets to paying for it covers the $400 school loans. It’s easier to say Rich is paying for the school loan, but the actuality is that I’m putting out $900 for the school loan and rent, Rich is contributing $600 toward rent and cable.

Together we have $1500 and that covers rent, cable and school loans. It’s a matter of semantics otherwise, but the bottom line is that I pay my own expenses it’s just that my actual cash out is there soon enough to pay the rent … and then when Rich’s portion comes in we can pay our school loans.

I think this is like the situation we have been talking about in that Jillian is seeing things on a surface and she seems to want to prove that we are doing something wrong. She’s looking for what’s wrong before she’s looking for what’s right. I can’t say that I blame her, because if I were in the same situation, I might do the same thing. She’s been so out of the loop for so many years that it’s got to be quite a shock to have that much information at one time.

We went through something similar to that in that we went into a kind of shock about it last night. It didn’t hit us at first. We had been holding our camera bag to go out with Rich to the lakefront when Jillian’s call came in. He sat down on the bed and I sat on the half chair across from him. I couldn’t hear the whole conversation … Just was watching his face. I can be pretty sure that Jillian was pushing her father pretty hard … she seems to feel entitled to information that is Rich’s or information between Rich and us. She doesn’t seem to understand why it might be detrimental to her father if he told everything that she’s curious about to her mother. Apparently she even told Rich that she didn’t think she could keep the information from the mother, even though Rich could say please don’t.

As a hold up to this … We just got done chatting with Thom. It was a very nice surprise. We talked for almost exactly one hour. This is our longest conversation since he’s been in Japan. Hehehe he said, “Morning mum” That made me feel a lot better. I asked him late in the conversation why he hadn’t said good bye and if I had done something to upset him. He said that he just has trouble saying good bye and that it hadn’t gone well saying goodbye with the others playing cards the night before either.

He didn’t have to say anything else. Dr. Marvin and us had talked about it the session before. We had come to the same conclusion that he’d just had a hard time.

There was so much happening all at once. I think he knew somehow that we’d get through it. Love that kid to pieces and back!

Thom was waiting for an inspection within about 2 ½ hours, but he was ready and after we talked he was going to go to bed. I guess he’d had a little problem in that the seamstress forgot to give back his belt, so he had to buy a new one and fix it himself. He’s pretty sure he doesn’t need anything sent to him yet and he doesn’t quite have his address. Tomorrow – he was going to be moving to his more permanent place … he was really hoping that he’d get along with his Commissioned Officers. Us too!

We talked a lot about little fill in the cracks stuff. But, I do know now that the weather is nicer and that the trees look about the same as in USA … not sure yet whether that’s north and east trees or south and west trees. He said he hadn’t noticed so were thinking its like more our Midwest trees. Things seem to be going good with Alexis, friends, money and his interests in school … that was all cool!

Like we said just a lotta little stuff – maybe tomorrow we’ll figure out his company. That will give us some new places to relate too. It’s a lot easier finding information if you know the whereabouts of where he’s at.

It was so nice to talk to Thom again. He seemed to be doing well and hadn’t been bored one bit. He’s such a cool kid!

As to the situation with Rich’s daughter – and then most like Dawna … we pretty much have to let that go until we talk to Dr. Marvin. We can’t let that whole situation get the better of us or intimidate us from doing what we know how to do best. And, that’s the writing. We’ve got to be guarded though in that the situation pushed us to being in a bad place.

We did ok, in that we still went for our walk and to take pictures with Rich last night, but then he talked to her again after getting back and that seemed to be very hard on him. He asked more questions about the blog she’s reading from and we figured she must be into the main blog. We showed Rich where the pictures were of Bob and Him that she’d mentioned. Rich knows I pour my heart and soul into this blog and that everything I think goes in here.

We got the most scared of the thought of her being in here with a pass code and somehow erasing the six years of effort and life we’ve put in it. We know she went back into the time period when they’d first found out about the blog after Rich’s wife had figured out we were here and before we went private. This part made us suicidal last night. I had known one day that people would see the blog and that there would be an accounting for so many of the years missed. I don’t like those things in my blog could and will be used against Rich. He understands our need to write and did not ask of us that we erase the blog. That fear of losing the blog had put us in the bad spiral.

Rich pretty much knows though how we go through things. We had disappeared to the bedroom where we were hiding under the covers. He stopped the process by helping us to get some medicine and to be out in the living room with him. There was a younger part out who was pretty frozen and wrapped around the dog. After the medicine kicked in about a half hour later, we were able to start the process of ungluing the stiffness in our arms, legs and fingers. The motivator was that someone had figured out that we needed a fudgsicle for after dinner.

Thank goodness for those!

We had the fudgsicle while laying down with Rich on the couch. We watched back and forth two nature shows. One was on fishes and the coral reef and the other was about animals at Yellowstone Park. I think both Rich and us were appreciating being mellowed out.

So that’s about it for this morning. I don’t know if Jillian can read this newer part of the blog too without losing their connection to my blog. I have to look at it like this. They have got everything they could use against us or as insight to who we are. If you are Jillian and reading this - welcome to our world. It’s up to them to figure out what to do next. As to ourselves – we’re going to do everything in our power to stay safe and we’re going to keep writing as we always have, because in the end this is not about others and whether or not they are going to try hurting us, it’s about us and being able to speak our mind freely.

We prefer the version where we can write privately, but if that’s not to be … then so be it. Jillian now knows where to find us … I hope she’s not overly surprised that someone could love her Dad as much as we do. But, as to talking about our life and what she might think of as his privacy … he knows that anything we can or have thought about is written in the blog. He’s watched us or known about thousands of hours spent here writing either before he came to stay or after. He’s always had the option of reading anything we might say. Guess we’re onto a new road. Let’s hope it’s productive and healthy. God Bless.

posted by Ann Marie @ 3/23/2009 07:04:00 AM Comments: 1