Ayn's Multiple World

Woohoo ... at least a LITTLE more productive - Sunday

Good morning ... this is me. It's about 7 am and I've been up for a while. Mostly checking out various odd sites on line following strange news and so forth. We've watched some of CNN too of course, but most of that is about the fires. I've noticed that San Diego is in their red zone and that's my biggest connection so far in that Thom had lived there while he was going through boot camp. But as you know that was up to five months ago. I don't know how else to understand it better ... what it must be like to go through such a tragedy of losing one's home to fire. We feel we're blocking this thought though ... it's too big for us to handle emotionally ... mostly because we can't do anything for it.

We're hearing other news too, but the biggest is probably the blockage of gay marriages. I'm not for that, in that I think that people who are gay should be allowed to marry as an equal right. I don't know why this is such a challenging thought to so many, but I don't feel threatened by it. I think it's a fundamental human rights argument. It needs federal attention, because at the state level it's struggling. I don't think it would pass federal law though. We're seeing gay protests in large cities all around the country, but I'm afraid its still a minority issue. If there were some way to advocate for the cause I would do so. I'm thinking though volunteering in an Obama Presidency would be more important for me.

Barack Obama wrote a letter to the people in the State of Illinois today giving up his position as Senator. I guess that was going to come up, but I hope he doesn't give up on us all together. I don't know if he's maintaining his property in Chicago. If I were going to take a break from the White House AND Camp David, I might want to go somewhere sunnier and with more room to spread out. I'm not sure what those plans are for him.

Rich woke up for a couple of minutes about 20 minutes ago, but he was definitely headed back for bed. It will give us some time to wake up more naturally. Yesterday was a bit of a disaster day, but only in a sorta way. It had to be the laziest day ever that Rich has spent with us. There were no plans made other than Rich got throug a couple loads of clothes. Even as it came to making dinner - he decided we should eat pizza out. During the day? We both just went from TV show to TV show. I couldn't even summon the interest I would normally have to write in this blog. It felt kinda nice in that pressures were low, but then it didn't feel organized or productive to my mind.

I went from one level of blah to another. Sometimes I would get cranky and then I would be nice again. It wasn't predictable from one moment to the other. If I didn't know better I would have thought we were refusing our medicine for the day ... we seemed that inconsistent, but we had taken our medicine. Generally too we tend to be naked ... and that was an afront that that state could gather so much disinterest. Maybe today I will bundle up in one outfit over another ... maybe then there would be interest? Rich played cards and I fooled around the Internet looking for boats for Rich ... that part felt important, but then because so little was going to be done from it, I felt further blahed. I think in general Rich was stymied and I followed suit.

Rich said we took down our DVR list from 60% to 30%. Yup, yup ... it was just that bad. He watched fishing and cards, and we both watched Boston Legal and especially West Wing. By the time he got to Sherlock Holmes we escaped to his bedroom and watched CNN FINALLY. Yup yup ... the whole day and we barely watched CNN except before he woke up at 8 am. I felt I was being deprived of my inside core. I couldn't put a finger on it yesterday though. In that I know I wasn't watching CNN, but I didn't know the adverse position that would put me in.

For a while, we got out our pink notebook and tried to work with the reading/notes position we've taken this last month. We started copying notes to a blog we haven't used for a long time, but then we couldn't concentrate enough to make sense of it so we stopped. I really wanted something to happen, but by then the funkiness of the day was seeping into my follicles. I'd felt my bottom end had grown roots to the couch and that the sleepy kitty was attached to my hip. He groaned quietly as I got up to snack on something or use the washroom. *Sigh*

I don't know if there is purpose to writing too much more on the day. There really wasn't much more in it. I know that Rich and I talked between things and sometimes through shows, but we were really, really being couch potatoes. I felt some frustration in that so little had been planned for the day. At least today we both have a noon goal to go out and get the computer. I am grateful for that. It's only going to cost $200, which is more than I have to pay for the computer. Rich had said before he would cover for it, so we're hoping he's still thinking that direction. I'm grateful that it is fixed and that it's coming home. It's like it suffered from a heart attack andt there was a replacement found for it. It's mostly my same computer, but in some ways ... she's too new to most likely recognize.

Ken the computer guy said he put in a few software programs and we were sad and mopey about that enough that we didn't even ask which ones. We are a little terrorized in thinking all of what's gone. One of the things we worry about is all the music we lost. We didn't have a lot of albums - or more likely downloads for our itunes, but I think those are now gone. We still have our music on the iPod, but as soon as we go to the work or new iPod on our new computer what's been saved might be erased. I don't feel so strongtly that I would put another $100 into it, not sure what's going to happen there. I don't want to fight the iPod updating itself, but not sure how to direct that problem yet. I'll have to figure it out. Over the course of 3 1/2 years ... a lot gets put onto a computer. There was the data and TONS of pictures we've lost ... but maybe more importantly our computers ability to do tricks with the software we'd loaded on. I don't even have a list of all what we had to get past the transition.

I think Ken might understand the situation enough to feel some empathy for me. Rich however is kinda skimmed over those points I'm facing. I don't think he realized how many programs I had on the computer. I did find the disk from work for the Microsoft 2007 upload, which was already on my at work computer. I'm hoping that it will work on my home computer. We're trying to pepper these fears and uncomfortabilities with the fact that ... it will be like getting a new computer and chance to start fresh. I don't have any specific ideas on which way I will take this.

I know that when I get it home, I should probably download all the stuff that I have on my flash drive. I think there might be some carry over, though I think most the 4 gigs on the drive are work related. I would feel much better having that backed up somewhere ... and I think my new computer will be 4-500 gigs, so the other isn't anything.

One of the things that had bothered me yesterday, but I used it just to be an excuse was that Rich was telling me he wanted me to go to the gym, but because he wasn't doing anything but sitting around, I didn't want to leave that comfort for myself. I'm really hard pressed on this gym thing. I think one of the problems got to be that when I was last at the gym, I was thinking that I'd have to break my routine in three instead of two ... by that I meant doing the circuit training opposit days I was doing either the swimming or biking/walking. I didn't want to lose that connection and somehow we got afraid of having to work too hard. I'm not sure how all that happened.

I thought we'd been having good experiences. We knew there was the money break but that's now fixed, so the question is what's the problem now. Is this just the general stuck thing we go through in trying to avoid something hard or different?

Hmm, we just saw the last part of one of Dr. Gupta's (CNN) stories on high tryglicerates and bad cholesterol and how it affects heart sickness. I think I might have problems with that. He concluded that people had to do the same good things we know we should be doing all over again. No smoking, watching weight, and getting back to the gym. There's another part that's clouding these issues ... we saw it yesterday in our eating patterns. It is hard to be healthy by yourself when your sweetie is not being careful. We don't seem to convince him to do anything here in changing his doctor appointments, food intake, or exercise. It's very self-defeating.

We did have a conversation on drinking toward the end of the day. He got in his mind that he'd like to get a bottle of wine ... I think we've had 4 bottles in the last 3 weeks. But, it would take a trip out of the house and neither of us were dressed for it. Since he was going out I thought, why don't we try something different ... I had in mind that we get some kind of hard liquor ... more directly ... I was thinking why don't we get drunk with Rich ... really where were we doing this morning? But, then Rich was the first THIS time to bring up the fact of alcholism in his family, and then that of course led us to thinking of alcholism in our family. Naw, I guess I really didn't need the hard stuff being in the house. So, then he had to reconsider the wine. I didn't see him moving too fast ... so I asked him why don't we save you the trip and us the alcholism and we just do our regular Margarita.

He thought yah I could get that ready and at the same time he would make some snacks of tortillas and chidken he'd cooked. This was ACTUALLY after having pizza ordered for dinner, but I wasn't going to get on him. It really was an impoverished like day. I take solace in the thought that our Margarita's are 4/5ths low calorie lemonade. *Sigh*

I think if truth were told ... we'd kind of suggested that we might work toward at least having some bedroom play. I had showered and gone into his room. But, I turned on the CNN I'd been missing and we weren't feeling really in the mood to put forth that much energy. He did come in once, was shooed away and then came back. We'd told him the first time that we needed some time by ourselves to regroup. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but we needed to get a grip on the moodiness we'd encompassed through the day. When he had come in ... we were being tired like, and then he gave up on us just before we were coming more back to life. He suggested we go to bed, so we agreed, but it was too late in that we thought after he was just pushing the bed to maybe get lucky.

Maybe I shouldn't be saying all this because it was so telling, but I don't think this is our normal sexual situation. Usually, there is more fire built within our systems. It's just that we were hitting and missing all day and the only thing by that time that I wanted was to put all this to bed. No not that kind of bed. I think this is the natural problem of being a couch potato. I couldn't even lift my head to be on the computer. I would have felt better if some reasonableness were occuring in thoughts typed out. Can anybody really be this sluggish?

Hmm, weird. They are showing UPS drivers in Yoga class - to be fit is part of their job. I think of the Kind of Queens and how maybe overweight he'd been. It's nice to see such a large corporation pay toward better health. Whoops. Rich is up ... It's 8 am on a Sunday morning ... I'm really pretty sure we're going to lose our channel. We're going to need focussing on the computer to keep us balanced this time. We know his favorite show come on now between this time and 9:30 am, but REALLY REALLY we're going to turn the TV off afterward. Hmm, wonder if he's going to want to watch fishy shows.

Oh oh ... he almost lost that op. The TV lost its single for a few moments, but even in his grogginess he was able to get it back. He came in with the last of the Angel food cake that we'd left for him. That might not have been a real good decision for either of us either. But, he said that the whole cake was less than 800 calories, so that couldn't have been too bad. It did take the both of us and mostly me 1 1/2 days to eat it.

Ok, let's get past that point. It's now about 9:45 am. Rich and I watched the entire CBS show - 1 1/2 hours while I was massaging his back. Pshwoo ... tough audience! We've taken a break now ... he did some settling stuff and me too and now I'm writing and he's watching a fishy show. He said he'd take a shower after this. We just finished a peanut butter tortilla and some pineapple ... no it's not maybe a regular diet ... just it's what's around and I feel hungry for. Now I'm not so hungry for anything.

We're trying not to get too dragged into Rich's fishing show because it's a show on what you need if you are getting a boat. Rich just said something about getting close because he's watching this kind of thing. We're like um-hmm! I don't think we said too much about it, but we were trying to help him yesterday. We made some contacts through email and there were a few calls made. I feel confident at this point we're going to get this marine owner to call tomorrow. His name and his company is Eberlin. His first name is Roy and he's out of some suburb around St. Louis. I feel good about it though I'm not sure why. He was pretty direct yesterday though he told me through an email that he'd contact us later in the day. We didn't then read his second and third email until after the close of their business hours.

I liked that he was sounding already set on the actual boat which is a War Eagle Bass boat 962 Tomahawk, but then before giving us a quote he asked about the motor, which seems in some cases maybe as expensive as the boat! He was also checking on which kind of fish finder he might need. Maybe this is a well experienced person just getting up our spending limits ... it's going to be a big cost to get everything we need. I know that Rich is looking maybe at a used boat over new to cover some of these costs.

Well this is not working well, we've fallen to watchen the show again.

Hmm, we're now back from our shower and getting dressed and we seem to be falling in the same habits of watching with Rich. If I were by myself well I'd like to think I'd turn it off, but maybe I'd just turn it over to CNN. We're going to be getting our computer soon. We're supposed to go out take 45-60 minute trip out by Rich's old house and then stop by the technitions house. I'm ready ...

Ok, hold on not so good. We just had a problem because of the violence that was being shown on Rich's show. We're a little weirded by that ... ok now more normal. Shoot ... we're being all over the board. Shhh ... it's ok. Rich is getting ready for his shower and we're back to CNN. Probably be leaving 20-30 minutes though. Blitzer is on with a couple of regulars and they are talking about Palin's next move ... we never really get far on that bad chord.

I think to look optimistically we are going outside and taking a nice drive ... we're looking forward actually to being out. I don't know what are kitty is going to do. He's still attached at the hip. Hmm. What has happened there? Does he grow like a spud on a potato? Maybe?

Ok, I guess we're not going anywhere real serious at the time being. I do want to say that I've been feeling fairly strongly between personalities that we are looking forward to doing something new again. I can't say what it is, but it seems to be in our blood. Yesterday we had some feeling of that while we were looking though all our blogs. We were thinking in some misty space about doing things more wholistically. Like there was some reason or purpose in having made a web of blogs and the fact we could make some more. Might take another look at that in a moment.

There was also something about looking at houses again. We'll have to watch that too. I think our hopes were strong again ... we were looking at all the different places our builder has built around the country. Looking at different models of house to see if we could be pursuaded to like a different model. But, we weren't.

posted by Ann Marie @ 11/17/2008 04:00:00 AM Comments: 1