Tough stuff morning
Good morning … this is me. It’s about 4:35. I’ve been up for about a half hour, but I just started the coffee now. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be up, but we’re feeling emotional enough that we don’t want to be in bed tossing and turning. Beside, Sweetie Pie wants to be up about 5 am this week. He’s trying to get stuff done at work. I have a Dr. Marvin meeting at 9 am this morning so we’re trying to adjust to that. We missed it last week because of our leg and because of needing to take care of the body shop appointment.I’m still worrying about the leg. I’m not sure what is wrong with it though. I went to the doctor about it yesterday. I didn’t go to my regular doctor. I went to one of her associates, because I couldn’t see my doctor until the 21rst. I was grateful for this appointment. She said that I should have it x-rayed either last night or this morning, and because I was going in to see Dr. Marvin this morning I decided on that option. I wasn’t real happy about having to park twice in the paid garage … it always costs me $6.25. Even though by Chicago standards, that’s relatively cheap, it feels like a lot when you add them up. The doctor was actually a nurse practitioner. I wasn’t sure what that was, but she seemed like such a nice lady and efficient that we decided not to press. She couldn’t however tell me what was wrong with the leg. She didn’t rule out arthritis and I guess that’s my biggest fear is that whatever pain I’m feeling it’s going to be like my back and not go away. She said she would call me with the results in 3-4 days after it was posted to my record. So that would seem like maybe Friday or up to Tuesday.
The other problem is the part of getting to Dr. Marvin’s. I’m worried about that a lot. My back hurts walking down the long corridor, which is known. My leg hurts.
I’m not sure how my leg hurting is going to be affected by walking on it more, especially because after I walk down the long hall then I’m going to sit for an hour, which will cause it to stiffen up, and then I’ll have to walk down the long hall again. I don’t think I could afford to skip two or more appointments in a row, especially if this could be the way it is going to be for a long time, if not forever. I don’t want to jump to that conclusion, but I think that’s where this is going, especially, because it isn’t getting better for over a month. If anything its gotten worse. The NP asked if I carried a cane all the time. I told her no just when I was going a longer walk or one where I wasn’t sure of my footing. She said that I should use the cane all the time for the extra stability. I’m not sure about that part either.
I’m sure that Dr. Marvin won’t mind if I use the wheel chair, but even if that isn’t an issue then there is the actual difficulty of using it … not all the doors are activated by a switch and towards Dr. Marvin’s office the path seems slimmer. I would have to allow extra time too because of the needing to sit in between stands.
I think that the knee works differently than the back. The knee hurts bad when just standing up where the back has been relaxed from sitting down. I know it’s been getting worse and it was bad enough for whichever parts to say no more last week. I know it was heading that way of worrying what we were going to do. I guess giving the walk a bit more time and using the chair would be a healthy alternative, even though it means lifting it at the end of the visit. We have to tolerate that for the short while. Maybe at worse we would need to wait 10 minutes after getting to the car and the part where we are lifting it. I think we just have to adjust for time there. But, at least the important doctor visit would be made.
Dear Dr. Marvin,
I don't want to miss another appointment. So, we've been trying to work our thoughts around it. The knee still feels bad. We went to the Doctor's appointment yesterday. It's a lot closer using the set-up over at Maxwell street where our clinic is now located. They said that there would need to be x-rays either last night or this morning. We chose this morning since we were going to be in the building and parked. I will stop there after my appointment with you.
I guess I'm coming to the conclusion that I will probably use the chair today coming to see you. I have very mixed feelings about that and maybe we should talk about that after we got there. I think I would have to get there 15-20 minutes earlier than we're used to in case we had to sit a few times. I'm afraid that the knee pain could be arthritis and that the pain won't go away. It's a pretty realistic thought ... the nurse practitioner didn't rule it out, but I don't think she had real good diagnostic experience. She did have the common sense to have it x-rayed and I was willing to buy that. She said it usually took about 3-4 days after the test was completed to get to the records and that she would call.
I'm not sure, but I'm thinking there is room for the wheel chair coming down the hall to your waiting room. The doors prior to that have the electronic doors, but I'm worried about the two when you first get into your section. I don't feel comfortable leaving my chair out in the hall. I am thinking that I could back in - I'll be standing and then fold the chair to get it swung around the door. I can't count on the part of somebody being there to open both doors. The chair doesn't really work well toward your office, but it might be good for the hall part. Plus, then too we'll have to manage it around the x-ray place. Usually, there is not a wait getting in there.
I'm not sure, there is this fear that if I start using the chair to get to you, that I won't be able to stop. But, then on the other hand I really can't afford another time space of not being able to see you. That part scared me more than the inconvenience of the chair. There isn't enough time between now, you getting to work and our appointment to discuss this first with you. I've got other thoughts my mind is going to as well. I think I've been pretty good about the accident - Rich and us went to Steven's Point, WI over the weekend and I didn't worry about it.
Yesterday, I came back though to find that the new Q had pulled my personal information from the computer. There isn't a lot there, but it felt very invasive. I had to leave early for the doctors appointment and then again this morning, so I'm worried about her going back in there. I had done a screen print for Sister to show her all the documents listed in my “recent document” section, but Sister had thought at the time Candice had signed her name to a document, so she said one thing at a time. I'm not confident that Sister's lack of immediate response is making me feel safe. There were things she looked through, which included a copy of my mental status - according to those tests done in January. I am having a terrible set of thoughts about this and I can't get it to leave my mind. It doesn't make it better to know that Holly is somehow involved. Sister knows things she hasn't told me yet, but has inferred. And, immediately afterward Holly needed to speak to Candice. Candice had her intercom on and stated that she could talk now, but would soon.
I can't begin to express what idiots they both are. But, we will try this morning after we see you. Maybe you can help ease our brain from this overworking mental crisis we're going through. I know you must see people who have it worse, but right now we're feeling pretty panicked. I don't know if there was anything ... there shouldn't be ... but something to connect Rich to me.
Mi
Ok, it’s me again … we sent this note to Dr. Marvin. We also went into the kitchen and got some more coffee and some grapes and put on something warmer. It was very hot and humid last night, but the air is making it feel cold in here. We tried to wake up Rich, but then he asked for an extra 45 minutes. He looks so cute and cuddly, that we don’t want to argue him out of it. We played last night a bit after watching the storm clouds come in and then he put me to bed. Bob had called so he was going out to meet him after I’d gone to bed. He had called earlier to say that he saw a fishing show where somebody in a $50,000 show cut the other guy’s line when he had a prizewinning fish on it. Rich teased back excitedly that if it had been him and Bob that he may or may not have helped him back in the boat. I was glad to see him go play and he said just a few moments ago he’d gotten back by about 10:30 … so it wasn’t too late. He also though said he didn’t get a very good night’s sleep because of tossing and turning. Hate to say it, but now there is only 6 minutes before we go in there and try to wake him again. He’s not a real good geteruperer even with coffee waiting!
Should think here for a second when it is I have to be ready by. Usually, I’d want to be there by 8:45, rush hour traffic … hmm, maybe we better take a side street.
Probably about 45 minutes, so by 8 … and then the extra time … let’s say we need to leave here then by 7:30, just to be sure. That means shower by 7 am latest. It’s 6 am now … so we can afford to let Rich shower early. Whoops 6 am … hmm, and Missy finally laid down over my arms … poor cat … there’s no justice in the world … ok … brb better get Rich up first priority.
posted by Ann Marie @ 8/07/2007 07:29:00 AM
Comments: 1
