Ayn's Multiple World

Slow and steady wins the race

This is our Monday morning ... maybe more writing than video ... it's ok, right?



Good morning. Yup, yup … it’s me again. This time though it is already as late as about 10:15 am. YikeS! We’ve been up for about 4 hours, but we’ve been messing around in our systems and evaluation of them. We completed a video already … and should probably start another and we completed updating our Personal Brain program. We straightened out a few things on it, but we’ve still not checked the whole system for efficiency and effectiveness. We’re still working on multiple layers of projects that have not all been incorporated in each other. It takes some real mind work to do the checks and balances. Right now there’s some good stuff in, but again … we need to “INTEGRATE IT!”

Double Yikes!

In other news, we’ve not talked to anyone yet today, but we’ve checked our schedule for a 2:30 pm doctor appointment, we’ve noted that our Sweeties been on line with no time to say hello for about maybe an hour and a half … he’s signed of now though. I know when he is focusing to let him be, because odds are that he is working hard at something. He always is. We are having a little trouble uploading videos properly, but yesterday we got a short one in with our Grandma that’s over at her site Mrytle T. Basically, she was saying she didn’t have time to talk. She seemed a little frazzled and confused. I figured that if I just let her be to work on cards, she would be less worried about not having enough energy to finish. She is very detail minded in the things that she does. The last thing in the world I would like to do is be a bother to her. So, we’re pulling back on “the project” until she feels up to it again. I think it turned out to be more work than she imagined. She hinted a couple of times her need to do what she is supposed to be getting done, which made me feel like she didn’t appreciate the value in the work she was doing with me. I think she does know now … it is work. We’ll have to test out the waters if it is good work. Somehow I think that thinking about “old stuff” might have gone down with her couple of kids as something she should be doing. We’ll have to check that an be ready to do as she needs. I think though when she is less busy she is more apt to see the importance of getting things down. We are not going to rush her. We do want to spend time later thinking through her waves of negativity. I’m not sure yet whether this is coming from within her thinking she’s no one special to no one, or if it is her kids interference with her priorities. I don’t want to think negatively with my mother or uncle and I’ve opened the doors to them checking out what’s happening. I don’t mean it to be a secret or underhanded. But, there is little trust between us at the time and that has to be worked out, or my Grandma might become at odds of one of us being pinned down against or by the other. I want to be above board … but again, they have no reason to trust me, because their thoughts of me are of a distant past and now possibly and interference in that our presence is a new thought to be worked out against or for all their possible thoughts of me being gone so long, or from the shadows of who they think we are particularly due to our mental illnesses. Stands to reason I might be something they think dangerous to their mother and I could see them trying to protect her. Just wouldn’t want them to overshoot their role as long as my Grandmother is capable of thinking for herself. So … that’s about where that stands for the moment. I have been backed down for another week. I will wait to call her until next Saturday and again just for a minute on Christmas unless she would like to talk. I think most of that time will be in getting ready for my uncles visit, so if that’s the case I will try not to take up her energy.

There is one thing now I just want to leave a thought note on. She made clear in this last call that I am the person that needs to wait if there are things going on, where as the others are why she does the extra things she’s doing. I have to be careful not to feel threatened as any less important than other people. I think in some ways maybe it is a good thing in that we are close enough so she’s not treating me directly as company. I worry about getting caught underfoot. I think though too she finds herself more delighted in the company of the others. One possibility might just be because they are physically present, although I know I will get bumped as a caller when others are calling too. Maybe part of that is that I call regularly enough and because I don’t add much new news to the mix. AND, I’m not in charge of anything. I don’t add a lot to there all life. This last time she had new news on my brother moving. I had the impression that was new news, but we didn’t have anything to say on that, so I don’t figure I added any interest to the subject. I guess that’s a conscious thing. I don’t want to really get involved with all the other stuff. I want to be respectful, but there for my grandmother as someone she can talk with. I think we both want to keep things positive. So, in that, I will trust her when she says that I should call again later at another time. Next weekend will be fine, and especially on Christmas, although I think there will be others too calling that day to check on her and she’s going to want to keep her phone lines open. So again, it will be a short call unless she would like to talk.

Hmm, wait a second … have to wait for Missy to settle. Ahh there she goes. She makes it difficult sometimes because she interferes with my right hand stretching to use the mouse. But, we’ll get through it  Silly cat!

Ok, where to go next. It’s now about 10:30. We copied over the last post from Sunday over to the blog. It was a pretty lengthy one with all the outlines. We have to decide which train of thought to follow next. I feel better that my fingers are typing away here, but we want to make good use of our figuring time. This time of the day is golden. I think I should take another look at either my goals manager place or my personal brain program. I think both need work and I’m a little avoidant of that. I feel the need to process, but without one of the two or other, I will not have much to be processing other than can you believe our kitty is snoring!?? Hehehe … ok, maybe that is telling me we’re going to have to keep it a little light. One thought though … just a stray thought and only if it is helpful, it crossed our mind the other day that we have another system to consider. We had purchased the PDA thinking we could make use of it and at this point, major use has been only with the car directions. Just a thought to keep in mind. We’re still looking for which place we should plug into that will allow us to get through everything that we’re interested in during the day. AND, that includes getting some work work done as well. Maybe it would help if we took a few screens up and compared where they were each at as far as a jumping off point for the others. I’ve given all of them advantages just gotta now shake the tree a bit to see where the apples lay. Hehehe did I tell you we were being fruit deprived? REALLY would like to stop at the fruit store, I might need to check, but I think we have a few bucks in our coat … WOOHOOO. Just a little something right? I know that might mean considering the gym too. I think the gym people are working cross paths in that we need more time with less crowds and for them to make money they need more crowds. We’ll need to work through that later as well as work through the extra confusion the male trainer caused when he blew off our need to have things written down. Because it was inconvenient to him, there were no alterations made when we asked. So we have been dealing with our regular phobias about starting something without knowing what is going on, fear of being watched in this state by all those others, and plain out feeling like an idiot. That’s a pretty bad sign. There is some concern as well in his frustration/anger level to have been bothered enough to make sure we were getting down what he was saying and our frustration/anger for him having made an attack comparatively. We are readily more apt to place blame on him, because we haven’t learned to trust or respect him in his position and he IS the only male in the place. I think that was a very bad idea to have a male “running the show.” And, now it feels even worse. Ok ok … that’s enough of the gym for the time being. Need to watch our toleration levels. We’ve had enough of it again. I’m sorry.

Take a breath. Breathe!!! Stretch. Take another sip of coffee. Ahh, Missy stretched too … so we got up and refreshed the coffee mmmm…

Flylady is reminding us to put on our shoes. Hmm, I think if we were to really get started back INTO “the PROGRAM” we would have to start paying attention to our email reminders. BUT, we need to solve first this jumping off point. It would seem the Brain is the strongest method, but let’s again see what comparatively the three programs … 1) goals, 2) brain, 3) Onenote … have to offer … hold on.

Ok, ok … we’re making some progress. We’ve been working through our lists and have actually started doing things on our routines. We’re going to take a break in a few moments to shower. Wanted to get that done by 1 pm for the 2:30 dentist appointment. One of the tasks completed was going through the mail … we have gotten our check from the estate so will deposit that today. Current plan is to keep $177 and give over to our friend $1,400.00. I think that will give him a sense security. We will leave it to his best judgment where the money is to go. I will assume toward car or emergency expense, or if I defaulted toward dentist. I still have to pay him in a few days another couple hundred for food, but for that we’ll wait until our check comes in from work. I feel good about doing things this way. Of the $1200 check we’ll pay $500 toward boys $200 for our friend $200 to leave in account, $100 for Christmas dinner, and $200 toward some bills. I think it will work. We’ll see. Maybe we’ll get a little money from my mother and Sr. to go toward client and sister presents. We’ll have to hope for that. I’m not sure if my Grandma is in a situation where she should be giving out money, though it is traditional. That would just be an extra blessing and also go out for clients. The only one I don’t have budgeted is our friend. I had given him a birthday gift, but the Christmas gift may have to be that I’m giving him $1400 to hold and secure accounts and another $200 for groceries … that’s a pretty big sum going toward the favor he will really be able to appreciate.

We gave our youngest son his gift last night in IMs. We told him that we’d secure payment of his $5,000 loan for school. It will mean payments of $62.50 for a very long time, but the good part is that the money came up front when he really needed it. I’m hoping that there was enough to pay for all of school and enough to hold him over now starting his new post school life. I think I mentioned before his graduation commencement is this Sunday at 9 am. We’ll watch it from the computer. He said it was the best gift anyone had given him. I told him he was the best graduate I ever gave to. Hehehe He also said that he will take a test for the State troopers on January 4th. So, even though I don’t like him being in danger’s way, I utmost respect his courage to go the course. He’s the kind of guy that would put everything toward helping someone else. And, he has the discipline to do this. I believe he has the kind of intelligence too that they are looking for. So we say to him, God Bless. If he gets accepted there will be a 6 month boot camp. I’m not sure if and how much they get paid for that, but I think food and lodging are cared for. With the trust check going to him too, he will have something in his pocket. I would imagine he’ll get other graduation gifts as well. I didn’t want him going into this next part worrying over school bills already. I think there is a 6-9 month grace period, but I want him to start off as clear as possible. He did the work to make all this happen. So gosh darn proud of him. It’s unbelievable. I know he appreciates what we’re doing. He let me know that and his excitement for everything seeming to go in his favor. Good son.

I guess we’ll count that as time toward our inspirational thoughts! Good Mom

Ok … now autobooster … What foods are causing me trouble. Fruits and vegetables because there aren’t any in the house. Solution use $10 in pocket to buy them on the way back from the dentist and after depositing the check. I want to work on this solution today – 30 minutes to appointment time … set timer. Good … You can do this AND gym if you want. No not today, but soon? Maybe. That’s enough for now though. K. I’m sorry … It’s ok. I want to have an appetite for a nice juicy orange or apple. These are the foods I would like to eat more of. I would like me to go to the gym tomorrow morning before work. I can make sure I stay away from the bad foods by not using credit card to charge at restaurants. We would like to focus on being more resolved. We would also like to read another chapter tonight in the book (Bears play at 7:30 pm) and we would like to spend more time sifting through our ideas from reading the last chapter. We would also like to look at the personal brain with a clear mind.

Ok, now relaxation…

Ok booster done … feeling good. I don’t know what happens at the end when you count backward from 10, but it sure does feel calming.

We’ve only got 4 more things on the list to do. We need to continue drinking our water, do a 2 min hot spot check (dishes on counter need to go to the dishwasher), I need to declutter using the 27-Fling Boogie, and I need to put my feet up and glance at the National Geographic. That’s it!

‘cept there is only 15 minutes before leaving so I’m going to do the dishes on the way out and save the rest for later. I would also like to add the book to the goals … let me check on that.

Wow … the Goal manager is turning out to be terrific. It is holding longer term goals that I can start working on as I feel stronger and make more time available, but yet it has a half a dozen goals we’re working on in addition to the complete morning routines. We’ve got the routines on reoccurring, so we hope to see it show back up in blue tomorrow. As I complete them it turns to green. Feels good. There’s not enough time to post this now before the doc appointment, but we certainly will later. I’m not sure what happened to Hipcast today because it says they are still after half a day transcoding my videos … that kinda bums me out, but we’re managing. Ok … shake this lazy kitty off me and we’re out the door.

posted by Ann Marie @ 12/11/2006 05:21:00 PM Comments: 0