Ayn's Multiple World

For the Record ... A Pretty Good Saturday Morning

Good morning … this is just me. It’s about 6:30 now and we’ve been up for about an hour and a half. We were pretty much just reading over some blogs. I wish I had enough time to do this all the time, because I still found myself fascinated with the others’ thoughts. I fall in love with people over and over again, though I know my time is again going to run short and it will be awhile before we get back to visit. We keep trying though.

Soo …

Hmm, we’re going to have to pull something together here. Whoops time has lapsed again … it is now 7:11 am. Wondering … I think there was some advancement with Dr. M. Let me check that out.

Hmm. Just basically some loose string notes. It’s ok. We took our medicine about 45 minutes ago. So, we’re thinking this must be our best version. Yikes. Minds been wandering … need to coral it a bit. Think think. Hmm about what? I don’t know … what do you want to think about? Hmm… we had cereal. Ok, good … and? Our friend is still gone. But, we think he’s at his aunt and uncles by now. He sure is a good nephew.  He says he is going to play golf with his uncle. I sure hope it doesn’t rain on them. Our friend is sooooo nice. Long time ago he said he was going to be a forever friend and I think he meant everything he said. Cuz like his aunt and uncle … he’s gone way round the bend to make sure he sees them even if they are all the way in Virginia. Maybe he is going to come and visit us one day after they put us in a nursing home. *Sigh* Better not go there.

My kitties must be very tired … because they haven’t come to be with us this morning. Hmpf!

We went to work yesterday. We were abstracted. Hard to remember what happened. I know we did the Thinking Group. It was only so-so. We had talked about being citizens. I was a little disjointed. Oh, and I remember … we had to do a group for a bit. A couple of hours. We took care of the Leadership group. That’s where we got started on the stuff on Citizenship. We had done a web search for community activities and what showed up was a Webelo Boy Scout badge work for being a citizen. So, we chose about 5 of those activities to work on in a round about fashion. We talked about different kinds of good citizens … like neighbors, and officials, and volunteers and such. And, we had them do flags. And, we had talked about who our government officials were, and so on. It was a pretty good session.

I was disappointed in how they’d gotten used to doing not very much stuff. The DSP had to go home early, because she was a basket case. I say this though in respect of her and her difficulties. She had been there for a little bit and had isolated herself on the computer and as she often does … she had them doing … independent time to look through newspapers and such. But, it’s not a good session. AND, this one was particularly troublesome.

In between moments at a time, she would go to the phone and be shouting at her husband about how she was going to divorce him and not come back home and a lot of dramatic things in between. I had never even heard her talking negative about her husband so I figured this was pretty something … She’s worked with us for 2 years. She wasn’t in a stage that she wanted to listen. She was emotionally over wrought. It got so bad that we found Sr. back in the Sacristy and told her that the DSP was in terrible shape because of her problems at home. Sr. listened appreciatively and said in a nice way that this DSP always comes to her when she’s having troubles. She thanked us for the heads up and true to form a short time later, Sr. had come back and asked us to take over the group because the DSP had gone home.

Pretty much what she was arguing with her husband on the surface was that he’d taken the side of his mother … she thought, because she’d confronted the mother-in-law now living with them for having opened her mail, and it appeared the husband, wasn’t as upset about it as she was. I figure there’s a lot more behind it in pressure some ways, because I don’t think anybody really gets divorced for not stopping MIL from opening mail. It clearly does show no boundaries. I think she’s worried about other family members getting involved in their business through the MIL and she’s insecure with those people being over-involved in her life … there was something about them in her garage doing or thinking something. I don’t recall now, but it seems the husband is more acclimated to his family’s problems and the poor DSP is just learning about them, even though she’s been telling us for months previous to the new housing arrangement how terrible some of these family members are.

To be fair the DSP is pretty high strung. I know she is very upset … and she’s too far out on a limb now to reach her. She was angry and saying that she was going to move back in with her father. But, she’s complained about her father for a long time. We told her that if she wanted to stay in our extra bedroom for a couple of days, she could. But, she was way too invested in the problems to be that far outside the family loop. I think she believes at this time, they are all out to unseat her and she’s feeling the situation as a life threat. Nothing to do, but wait. It’s just that we’re very worried for her. We’d never seen her so bad off. I want to be able to help, but its hard to help anyone when they are into the middle of an uproar. She’s in a crisis mode, throwing away everything in the wind and I feel helpless. I don’t know.

Guess the best thing we can do is remain objective. We know she comes to us for a lot of things in her personal life. But, then she goes to almost everyone in the center about her personal life as well. I think she take in a collective view of what everyone tells her and then decides what she wants to do on her own anyway. I think she feels support when people “see” how tough it is. It’s like she’s living one state of shock to another and wants people to empathize with her situation and help her check-in on her reality. It’s hard though when someone leads with their emotions. I know this first hand through how we’ve lived our lives. Before anything else can be done … you have to calm down and it is a studied practice not to have destroyed all the good things in the process. Like I know in her situation, she has opened a bad can of worms in starting to threaten divorce over things in this end of the continuum. She’s only 4 years into the marriage, and hopefully this is going to blow over, but damage is severe, because between the both of them, they will be thinking what else might cause her to abandon ship. This is where we can fall back and respect our relationship with our friend the most. The handful of times, we’ve gone overboard, he’s made it clear when he’s overwhelmed. When we become conscious of that … usually because he’s told us, we’ve stepped back. Because, no matter what has upset us … none of it is ever as important as the fear we could hurt our friends feelings. Because, that’s something we couldn’t tolerate. We never lose site of the fact that we love him so dearly that when he hurts … we hurt. And, that part has always been there to keep us in check. God bless him.

I worried over the affect it had on the Intern as well. I noticed more than normal that she was making calls to her friend. Her situation is very private and we know little about it, except I believe that with the DSP so out on a limb, it was a time where I’m guessing the Intern felt more a need to hear everything was ok with her love. Almost as if the DSP had caused an Earthquake and it was shaking the grounds. After a particular siege on the phone with her husband … the DSP kept calling him back to argue out another point, by point … I did two things. The first as we’d mentioned we’d told Sr. Tess and the other was that we told the Intern that it was too big for us to handle and that we’d informed Sr. of the DSP being so upset. We told her that’s what bosses were for … to help the staff handle the problems that were too big for peers to comprehend. Sr. had the power to be comforting within a few words, and most importantly the power to give her the release of time to take care of her personal matters out of work.

That’s what really had to be done. To take her group for a couple of hours … that’s really not a big deal at all. Just we keep going back to the point of worry over the DSP. We want her to be ok. She kept coming back to our office next to the one our friend and Intern share next to us … and on a couple of occasions she was bawling. The whole thing now seems surreal. With the Leadership group, I wasn’t sure how much they’d heard or understood of the situation. Surely being in the other room opposite where she’d made her calls, they were listening too to the situation … except they had even less knowledge or comprehension to understand or to cope with the unsettledness of the staff. I could see they were giving her time by letting her be on her own … no one was approaching her and everyone was pretending to be doing something, though they were really doing not much of anything.

At the tail end of the session, we spent the last 20 minutes on being good citizens. I said that it sometimes meant helping out someone in need. As I thought would happen when I asked them if they knew anyone in trouble – their minds went directly to their DSP. The group decided that they should make poems or cards for the staff and I said great that would be a very nice good deed. It also gave me a chance to ask what they had heard. They knew she was having problems at home, but they heard it as having a problem with the new house. I know the DSP had been yelling she was going to move out. So, we clarified with the group the boundary of the DSP where she had to go home to take care of problems, but those were private problems and we didn’t need to get involved in them. We could though promote smiles when she returned. Together the group and us came up with a 6 line short poem that we blew up to fit the size of a paper, and when the other Q came in to teach for an hour in the afternoon, we told her that the group had computer time and that perhaps they could use the time to find flowers or such from the Internet to decorate the cards. I didn’t understand why that project should take an hour, but the other Q followed through and the cards I saw left lying on the table looked GREAT! It gave the group a way to handle and contribute to the well-being of their staff while preserving her privacy and dignity.

It was a small contribution, but at least I could feel good about doing that much for her. Because most likely she’s going to need coming back to work and dealing with where she left off. God bless her too!

Ahh Chief finally decided to come see us. He’s been a very neglectful kitty of me. Hmm?

Maybe he’ll settle down again so I can concentrate. As a catch-up … all’s still well with the neighbors. After that one weekday we’d given them the welcome gift, they taped on our door a thank you card. That made me happy. It also made me happy that there is now a potted plant out by their door … the kind that reaches to the top of the door and is trained with string to hold on to the space. We’ve haven’t seen this kind of thing for quite some time and now it feels like a breath of fresh air coming up those stairs. We’re reminded of the neighbors, because of the little girl. It’s hard to explain it, but she’s a “screamer” They are high-pitched quick sharp loud noises that we are relating to shriek bird calls. We haven’t run into our neighbors since that first day, but the “calls” from the little girl reminds me that everyone is up and all is ok. I’m not sure if the neighbors downstairs can hear it, but we’ll offer no complaints. We still like them, though will ask when we get a chance to find out why she does it. We’re hoping that for her sake it’s just a phase thing she’s going through and everything will be ok.

Ok, just checked up on something. The birds are busy outdoors and things are progressing on. Let me think for a moment and we’ll figure out what else is on our mind.

Ahhh back. Stopped in the washroom and couldn’t resist that new toothbrush  I’m not sure if we told you, but last week while we were at the dentist, the person working on our teeth asked what we were using for a tooth brush. We told her the old fashioned manual kind. She hemmed and hawed for a moment or two, then told us in her confirming affirmative manner that they recommended using the electric tooth brushes and when I asked any particular kind, she said yes and she said then that they actually sell the toothbrushes and that they were $120 at the store, but they sold them for only $85. Well, you know where that was going to end. Our friend saw the box on the table and well, we won’t go into there, but maybe we need to talk about our expenses too.

We were pretty much looking at it as if … the dentist strongly recommended it and what good is $6,000 of dentistry if you are going to let it just go to seed. So, of course we NEEDED the gizmo. It’s really pretty cool we never had anything like it. She had to show us how to use it and we were very studious. She said twice a day. We’re trying, but that’s still hard for us. When we get tired at night we want to fall asleep instantly. But, we’re working on it. Want to do our new mouth right. I love using the brush. I still have the habit of trying to “brush” with it. I mean up and down and sideways and such. She explained that you just had to hold it in front of the tooth part being brushed and it would do all the brushing on its own. Hard habit to break though. I lovvvvve the vibrating. I think its pretty cool. We have a super duper electric tooth brush now. It has a timer on it, because the dentist person said that dentists wanted us to brush our teeth for 2 minutes each time. So the brush vibrates different at the 2 minute mark, and at the quarter mark (30 seconds) before that. That helps me figure out how long I’ve been at it and what time I should be switching different quarters of my mouth. Good thinking dentist!

I haven’t tried the extra brushes that have come with it. There’s supposed to be one for polishing, one for some kind of special tooth care? Unsure of that one and one to do something to your tongue. That’s the one I’m most curious about, but we’ll have to wait for a very special time to try that. We’re saving up the excitement. Maybe we could coax our friend into trying it first. I don’t think its going to hurt. Just we’d be more reassured to get his word on it before we tried it ourselves. It’s kind of like a ¾ inch fan that I think is supposed to massage the tongue. Can’t figure out why a dentist would want my tongue massaged though … See get the predicament??

Ok, ok … on to bills. We’re still trying to focus on the not spending part. We’re pretty scared of it by now. Our friend helped us with a crisis and there was about $500 in the bank, which was good because we were behind in the basics. It was the first time in 14 years that he ever had to help with the rent payment. I don’t know what to think of that at all. I’m pretty embarrassed by it. But, then we had that $392 problem with our car alternator going out while our friend was gone. We knew what we had to do. We had also at that time taken out $100 thinking we were going to need paying the tow truck. We did pay, but it was part of that $392. So, yesterday so our Dr. M. auto payment wouldn’t bounce, we put $80 back in the bank. I guess the right thing now to do would be to look and see if it worked out and nothing bounced again. Hold on.

Ok, so far so good. Looks like we have a hospital creditor taking out an automatic $25. Didn’t know that, but it seems like a smart idea. It’s listed our $80 as pending. Maybe that’s because it was put in after 2 pm last night. BUT, it was in cash so should be good. That leaves my account with $87.62. The Dr. M. payment is an auto $50. So, that’s going to leave 37.62. WOOOHOOO maybe we’re going to do it. I think we have like $15 cash … maybe $20. So, that’s a good thing if we need another gas. I think we’re on about half a tank. Let’s see … today is the 11th. That means we’ll get paid again on Wednesday and can use the money by a week from now. I don’t know have to worry about the auto payments. I don’t think we need to spend any money but the $6.25 or so to park at Dr. M’s. Last night coming home it was bad rain and we were thinking of pulling off to get something to eat. AND, we said NOOOOOOO don’t do that. We need to go home and NOT spend any money. That was pretty good thinking and got us through. It’s not much cushion though. I got surprised by another autopayment. We have bought the domain name KathrynCoreyCenter.com and to keep it another year, we had to pay $20. That’s not so bad, even if we don’t use it so much. It’s ours and I’d like to keep it for the day we figure out how to really use it. We let go of the place hosting our web pages and it’s the month after, so I’m not sure if it is going to take down our web site, or we’ll just not be able to alter it. We haven’t for a long time … Almost 3 years, but one could never tell. Write now it’s just a little too much. So, we’ll just let it sit and we’ll see.

Ok, ok … we’ll close all those windows for now. There’s nothing to do, but wait out until the next check comes and clears. We have to be good … we have to be very good.

So. Ok, what’s next. We haven’t heard from the boys since my oldest sons birthday, which was on the 2nd. I didn’t remember to say happy birthday until the day after. That was the Thursday night of the hypnotist. My son still loves me and I’m determined to do right by him and them.

As far as the hypnotism … we’re still working hard on it. It wasn’t the kind of thing that wiped everything away automatically and it has to be worked everyday. They gave us a sheet that starts off where you analyze the kinds of foods causing you trouble … hmm, let’s think this through. Which food causing me trouble now? Really nothing really. We came home last night instead of eating out … that was a good thing … even if we had a few dollars and many opportunities to mess up. Let’s keep as a hot spot extra food is giving me trouble and I have to stay on track with what’s been planned. This morning we ate a bowl of cereal and an orange, so we’re fine until half hour from now when we’ll have a grapefruit.

Next, which of these food problems do I want to work on now? Let’s work on not spending anything WHEN we go to the gym today. That part we’ve been slouching on for about 3 days. I want to have zero tolerance for sweets, especially the kind I eat when I get frustrated with the car breaking down and look like oatmeal cream cookies. HMPF! What foods would I like to eat more of? I would like to finish the broccoli, carrots and cauliflower in our fridgerator over the next three days. I don’t want to buy foods that have to get thrown away. We’ve done good with the fruits, now lets work on the veggies. Remember lettuce, tomato and onions too! AHA! This could work out exactly what we need for lunch today. Very good! I would like to see myself exercising more by going to the gym and not being such a crybaby. Ok, this means I have to do the shower and get dressed part. Ok, ok … I’m hearing you … hold please.

Ok. Good. We’re done … shoes and hair too. Now insert goal here … Remember be at the gym about 11 am. That means we leave in one hour at 10:30. Ok? Good no excuses. REMEMBER!!!

AHA! We just got done fumbling around for a few minutes. But, on the side … I decided that since its 10 am that we could eat peanuts instead of the grapefruit. We already had a citrus and the peanuts give us protein and energy for the gym hehehe. Remember moderation!

As to the other …we read through a couple of Flylady mails. She is very good at sending multiple messages EVERY day! If you ever want to join up just go to Flylady.com Then your email box will be blessed with lots of mail too! Hehehe … Anyway, she just sent out a very good email … actually two of them. I would like to put them here … Remember they are from Flylady.com. The first one is for parents … cuz face it there are some frannyfreds out there too!

Dear FlyLady,

My husband and I are soon to celebrate our ninth wedding anniversary.
Like many couples that have been together for awhile, we slipped into
sort of a rut. A comfortable rut, but a rut where there wasn't a lot
of romance or hanky panky. Okay, there wasn't ANY. There was the
once a month or so "obligation bedroom activity". Wheee. There had
to be more to life, but I didn't know what it was. I just figured we
were getting older and that was the way marriages were once you went
past 30.

After three babies, I had gained weight, and didn't much care, I was
just a housewife, who was gonna see me, right? And why bother to put
makeup on, right? Steve and Blue and Oprah don't care if I have
pretty hair, right? And housework? Yuck! No one appreciated me, so
why should I - it just got messy again anyway, right? (Gee, does
that sounds like Franny or what?????)

When hubby came home to a dirty, messy, cluttered house and a chubby
wife wearing slobby clothes and not even caring if her hair was
combed, gee, I am just so surprised that he wasn't happier to be here
and wanting to whisk me off my feet to the bedroom. (note the heavy
sarcasm) It took a brick wall named FlyLady to whack me in the head
to figure that out....

Well, in August, my friend told me about FlyLady. I was skeptical.
I went to your website. I read the shoe thing and right away knew
that you were insane. No one wears shoes all day. I hate shoes. I
was almost ready to click that corner and obliterate your happy
little face from my screen when I saw the one thing that changed
everything. The picture of FRANNY. That was ME! That sad, pathetic
looking thing with icky hair and fuzzy slippers. THAT WAS
ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to look like the pretty, smiling,
FlyLady. But how????? Well, I clicked around your site and kept
reading. Printed a few things out. I still thought you were insane
because of the shoe thing, but I figured I had nothing to lose, so I
said I'd start the day the kids started school.

So, I cleaned my sink. Mmmm, that wasn't nearly as tough as I
thought it would be, and it really DID make my kitchen look nicer. I
left and ran some errands. I came home, and my door to outside is in
my kitchen, so my kitchen is the first thing I see when I come home.
Mmmmm. That looked SO nice when I walked in. Later that afternoon, I
set my timer and did one counter top at a time. I felt like a real
dork setting a timer for 15 minutes. The way I grew up, if you
didn't spend 7 hours on Saturday cleaning, you weren't cleaning.
What the heck could I accomplish in 15 minutes??? Now that I know
better and know how much I can do in 15 minutes, I am thinking of
having a timer surgically attached to my arm - man I just LOVE the
timer system! I wanted to walk in my house and have that feeling I
had when I saw that sink - but I wanted the whole kitchen in on the
deal. Little by little, my whole kitchen became a wonderful
retreat. It looked good, and was such a beautiful sight to come home
to!!!! Oh, I had to spread this to the rest of the house!!!!!!!!

Then that shoe thing. I hated that at first. I really, really hated
it. But, it's funny. I have grown to hate not having my shoes on.
I can go let the dogs out whenever they need to, not wait until they
are barking and crossing their legs and whining. I can take the
garbage out NOW because I have shoes on, and my garbage is never too
full. I can do SO many more things....and I have the softest,
sexiest feet now - my skanky old calluses are GONE! A little lotion
in the socks every morning does wonders - and it's only been 2
months!

Now, you ask, how did I get a bunch of romance out of a clean sink
and shoes? Bear with me, I am getting there. LOL! Little by
little, FlyLady invaded my home and my heart. I started caring what
I looked like. I started wearing makeup. I started cleaning. I
started decluttering. Oooh, that was so much FUN. Throwing all that
old stuff away was SO liberating. I was taking back my house from
the CHAOS monster. And I found out, our house was nearly as yucky as
it seemed. It's actually quite nice!

Well, all this caring what I looked like and running around to the
Goodwill and running out to let the dogs out and all, I somehow lost
15 pounds. And, add that to looking prettier and having nice skin
now from my morning skin routine, well, hubby was starting to
notice. He also noticed the cleaner home. Oh man, that was a huge
turn on for him. LOL! Instead of coming home to a yucky home, he
came home to a peaceful retreat, where his wife cared enough about
him to make things beautiful, and because it was beautiful, I was
happier - and men REALLY notice that. Well, as my house got cleaner,
I couldn't stand that I still smoked and was reeking up my nice
house, so I quit. It's been over a month now. Oh my!, thank you for
that. You've helped make my life longer!

So, you add up a wife that cares about her home and makes it nice. A
wife that is busy and has more self confidence because at the end of
the day she feels that she accomplished something. A wife that looks
sexy because she didn't sit on her franny all day. A wife with
beautiful skin because she took 2 minutes in the morning to wash her
face and put on moisturizer. A wife with sexy soft feet. A wife
that is peaceful and doesn't holler at everyone anymore because she
just feels so good about herself! A wife that quit smoking and spent
her cigarette money on lingerie. (tee hee hee)

Now, take that and add it to a husband that LOVES having a nice,
peaceful, organized home. A husband that sees the changes in his
wife's attitude and notices there's less of her tush to notice - ha
ha. A husband that is rather old fashioned and sees his wife keeping
the house clean as a sign that she loves and respects him. And a
husband that LOVES walking inat the end of the day and seeing the
supper table set, his newspaper in his spot, and something nummy
bubbling in the crockpot instead of saying "what's for supper" and
seeing a wife with a blank look in her eyes that starts calling
Pizza Hut.

Now, take a wife like that, and a husband like that and what do you
get? A HUBBY WHO CAN'T KEEP HIS HANDS OFF HIS WIFE! *giggling
madly* He's like a teenager!!!!!!!! I asked him what was going on
and he said "The Fly thingie". I said HUH? He said, "Honey, the
house looks great, YOU look great, and you seem so happy, and darn,
you smell good today, and" well, I can't tell you what else he said.
*more giggling*.

So, in one website, you've given me the knowledge, strength and
wisdom to make my house beautiful, make me more self confident and
beautiful, make myself healthier by losing weight and quitting
smoking, and renewed some serious sparks in my marriage. WOW.

Now, my kids figure into the romance thing too. Before you go
turning me into Protection Services, hear me out! We have a 3, 7
and 8 year old. A 3, 7 and 8 year old that can never seem to get
settled into bed. A crabby mom that's yelling until 11pm to quit
talking, settle down and go to sleep! ARGH! Not conducive to
hanky panky. Well, when I set up my daily routines, I set up ones
from them too. Instead of me suddenly looking at the clock and
going "Argh, it's 10pm, and you have school tomorrow, get in bed now"
we have a wonderful routine. It includes baths at a set time, and a
half an hour of mommy reading each night. If they even make it until
I am done reading before they zonk out, it's a miracle. Now that
their rooms have been decluttered, they stopped waking up in the
night and having bad dreams and they all sleep through the night. I
agree with them too, I sleep MUCH better in my pretty bedroom too.
It only makes sense that they would as well. Now, instead of crabby
evenings, the kids are in bed at a reasonable hour, they sleep in
their beds all night, and me and Daddy have a couple hours in the
evening just for us. We relax. We talk like real people, we laugh,
we watch grown up tv. And then we go to bed. It's wonderful. He's
become my best friend all over again!

Thank you from my heart....

This is the second letter for … this one for parents working with kids
Dear Friends:

I received quite a few emails asking me more about children's rooms
and how we used zones in the rooms.

I started the zones when I realized that my kids were overwhelmed
when I made the classic parenting mistake of sending my kids
into "clean" their rooms without any real instruction from me. Then
the tears when I went to check on them and they had done what they
thought was clean and of course it was not mine. I realized that
they feel the same way I do when a room seems out of control and I
don't know where to start. So we made zones. The floor, the desk,
the dresser, the bed and the closet. We set a timer and they only
had to work on one zone at a time.

Instead of the overwhelming task of "go clean your room" we set the
timer for focus only on the floor. Next was to let them know what
they needed to do with the items on the floor example: put the
legos in the bucket, put the books on the shelf, put the crayons in
the box. When the tasks are broken down into manageable BABYSTEPS
they can FLY too! Beating the timer was always the goal! They were
able to see how fast they could really do what needed to be done and
feel so proud of their accomplishment! Then you move on to the
other "zones in their rooms and then they learn how to "clean" their
room one area at a time plus they will see how little time it takes
when they stay on top of it before it gets out of control. They
will find that they like the order and the peace they feel with it.
This takes time, you have to lead by example and be patient. You
can't expect a 10 year old that has lived with CHAOS in their room
their whole life to change because you want them to. You will have
to help declutter their rooms first and then slowly implement what
your expectations are and teach them babysteps. Give them praise
for their efforts and be careful of negative reactions when you
think they have not done something the way you would like it to be
done. They are looking for you to be proud of them.

Now, you can take the zones in their rooms to the next level. Just
as we have the whole the house broken down into zones for a month we
can do the same for our kids and their rooms. Week one can be the
detail clean of the dresser. This means that you straighten the
clothes in the drawers, get rid of the stained, torn, worn out
clothes, the clothes that are too small and the clothes that never
get worn because they don't like them. Detail dust the tops of the
dresser by removing the things on top and really get it dusted from
side to side and end to end. This can be done in 15 minutes once
they understand how to do it and when to do it. There are 7 days in
a week that they can get this one detail task accomplished. The
next week can be the closet. Straighten the clothes, straighten
shoes and items stored there and vacuum the floor. The next week
the desk: go through the drawers, have a trash bag ready for this
(kids love to stash stuff in their desk drawers) and dust the top
again taking everything off, dusting and then putting things back.
The next week can be the bed zone - have them strip their beds to
get their linens washed (personal choice as to how many times a
month you do this depending on whether your kids bathe at night and
if they have pets that sleep with them) and remake the bed and check
under the bed for things that have gotten stashed under there. The
next week can be the floor zone, this is when the floor gets swept
or vacuumed really well, under the bed, behind the door, the corners
and against the baseboards. This is the detail cleaning that goes
on for the monthly zones. All of these things take less than 15
minutes and only have to be done once a week, once a month per
zone.

You must help your children declutter their rooms before you can
teach them the zone way of taking care of their rooms. Once again
decluttering can be done the same way that you have done it in your
home. Do super fling boogies, hot spot fire drills, teach them
about these and help them early on how to let go of things that are
just taking up space that they don't love. Help them learn the
difference of owning things because they bring you joy and just
being surrounded by stuff that just takes up space, this will help
them later in life not to fill their own homes with stuff. Teach
them to let go of broken toys, teach them if they are so blessed
with so many things that maybe they can bless some other children
that are not so blessed. Teach them the value of 15 minutes and
keep your word. Set a timer for 15 minutes and work together, if
you don't get as much done as you would like too, let it go and let
them go. Try again tomorrow, set the timer for 15 minutes and go
again. Let them see that it does not have to be torture. As SHE's
we tend to hyper-focus and want to keep going, but your kids need to
believe you when you tell them it is only 15 minutes. When they
start to see what they can accomplish they will be more agreeable to
jump in for 15 minutes. I will be perfectly honest here, I have
decluttered their rooms when they were not around to see it, things
that I knew they no longer played with, books that were no longer
read, coloring books that were full, broken crayons, dried up
markers, a lot of what I decluttered were things they never noticed
were gone, but they would have not considered giving up. I prefer
to let them make their own choices but sometimes we have to rely on
when Mom knows best. I would not recommend this for children over
the age of 8 or 9, past this age kids have established a sense of
personal ownership and most likely will notice things missing that
the younger ones will not.

This takes time and effort, remember that you did not FLY overnight,
you took babysteps. Teach your children to bless their rooms so
they can go out and bless the world.

Love,
Kelly

PS Remember that the examples I gave you are what I did, you take
them and adapt them to fit your child's room and your schedule.

Ok, me again … we’re back. Just wanted to say that both of these letters made sense. I wish that I would have had this kind of help as a kid or at least when my kids were of that age. We forwarded it on to our son. I don’t send him many things. Maybe he’ll read it. I know he’s an excellent father as to teaching and working with the kids. He has much more patience than we had … Think he’s done just excellent. But, everyone could use extra hints along the way. Maybe for you too?

Good, good … ok next?

Funny … on whim I entered housecleaning tips in the browser and two entries down … Flylady pops up! She must be pretty popular. I think she sends out mail now to about a half million people. You go Flylady!

Maybe should heed some of her advise. Seems since last weekend our place could use some tidying up. Already brought in my dishes this morning, but now we have peanut crumbs. Let’s do a 15 minute – or so pick up … Make it a goal to at least 9 minutes more if cleaning sitting down. What area should we do? Living Room? Oh sure take the first room first … ok, you go girl!

AHA! Very good. We got the living room and the master bedroom picked up. Neither were too bad. I did stop when it came to arranging the pillows right on our bed. I know they were last arranged by our red hot lover and us and, just in case we get real love sick before he gets back, we can cozy up to the last arrangement. Yes, my dears nothing is held back here at the lonely hearts café!

Oh man is that funny. There are 3 more Flylady emails now … and the first one is a testimony by a poor housecleaning woman who ALSO googled housecleaning and found the Flylady heheheh.

That’s how I got her the first time. And, she too like many others have taken on Flylady as a “mother figure.”

Hmm, more Flylady mail … we’ve been over at her Flylady store. We’ve never bought anything there, but we’ve thought of it several times. I decided I would ask our friend for the feather dusters, but we’re still holding onto the idea of getting a maid. If she needs us for supplies then we’d consider the two dusters for $38. We’ve already got a timer and ours is fine … the control journal is still a thought but that’s another $12.95. Also being considered is the Flylady Office in a bag … Of course we’d go for black. Together with the journal it’s a $50 item. BUT, I know better I can get it from the computer and personalize it and I’d have to think it over … it is theoretically the bill part of housecleaning. But, we’re not there yet. We’re at the part of just going to the mail box and opening the mail. We got a big part the other day but just opened the two mails. One mail you heard about is the stuff about the hmm, don’t remember getting a blacked out picture. The other one we didn’t know what to do with is the school is asking for like $850. We don’t have that kind of money and they sent back the money to pay for it from student loans. I’m afraid to tell our friend about it. Maybe we still have to do that part … the part about getting our bank money figured out and about opening the mail. And, then there is the part about reading the CARF stuff but then that gets us overwhelmed and thinking its now exactly 11 am and we’re not yet to the gym. Kind of really spaced out.

Shoot. Have to think this through. Where are we at mentally. Ok, think we can do this. Better go to the bathroom first and look in the mirror to see who’s out. Ok, that’s a start, BRB.

Ok, Pshwoo that was weird. But, we picked up the bathroom. Except we didn’t swoosh or do the sink, which is what the Flylady would say, but we can do that later, because the part we gotta do now is to get to the gym. That means driving. Oh and a new afternoon thing. We gotta take a noon medicine for our hands. Let’s do that ok?

Ok, ok … we’re going to need to breath here. We just did some stuff, but we’re kinda dizzy. I think blood glucose ok cuz we ate peanuts but we better do some water and check. Ok, lets be calm.

Sigh water good! Break good! Picked up most kitchen table and all counters and started dishwasher and hotspot mopped center kitchen floor and where we just dropped some lemonade. But, we’re doing pretty good on the house. Need to calm down now, evaluate, and rest. Oh yah glucose test …ok about 83. That’s kinda low for going out to gym. Maybe we need a little something. Checking schedule too. Monday noon dentist, then Wednesday night sleep study, then Thursday afternoon Dr. M., and then Friday 10 am staffing. Ok, that’s pretty much of the week. We can do it. And, our house is pretty much picked up, but we should take the garbage down cuz its kinda fulled and has fruit stuff in it that flies might like. Remember last time our friend went away??

We still got to do the table part where the bills are sitting and the bank stuff. Rememember.

Ok, 3 things to remember

1) Go to gym
2) Eat
3) Figure out bank
4) Figure out bills
5) Oh and do a load of wash down stairs, no money for laundry right now.
6) Is it alright to get just a few fruits? Maybe eat one grapefruit now and finish, then do gym, and buy 3 grapefruit, 3 oranges, and 3 apples with $10 in our pocket. That will be easier to remember. Ok, grapefruit now and THEN gym, but bring down garbage AND bag of laundry?

Hmm. Maybe just bag of laundry and put it in closet for when we get back so we don’t tie anybody up down stairs, cuz we’ll be gone 45 minutes plus ½ hour each way, plus 15 minutes for fruit … that equals umm. 2 hours and laundry only equals 45 minutes. Ok, so the plan is to put laundry in bag that be better than laundry basket, right? Easy to carry and weighs less? Hmm?

Ok, we can do this. Get bag. Put clothes in it. Get grapefruit, Eat. Put clothes downstairs closet. Go to gym. Work. Comehome and stop at fruit store. Get 9 fruits, apples, oranges and grapefruits. Then come home and put clothes in wash if we can. Then set timer and eat lunch. Then go down WITH garbage and change clothes to dryer. Set timer. Then start fixing mail. Then get clothes to upstairs and fold and puttaway. Then finish doing mail and bring in to computer station. Then open mail and write down bills and then write down bills from bank. And, then put it order so we understand when they are due for us and for our friend. Have finished today so we can spend tomorrow on work stuff and football. Also set timer once today after laundry to vacuum the living room. That be a good idea, right? Ok, ok … we don’t need a smoke either! Oh and while eating grapefruit finish of the hypnotist thing, k?? ok … and no messing around … need to finish gym! K???

Ok, go … garbage bag for clothes!

Pshwoo. Whew. Need to break for a second. We did good. Because we did the clothes AND remembered that we needed to empty out the kitty litter. That was a lot. But, we’re very happy we did it. We emptied it into the living room garbage. So first time down, we’ll bring the laundry go to gym. Then go down with kitty litter put washer clothes in dryer. Then we’ll go down bring kitchen garbage dryer clothes to upstairs.

Ok, ok we’re doing this … we’ll make our friend REAL happy AND go to gym AND do bills AND do work from work.

We are like now SUPERwoman! Oh yah … eat grapefruit. Hold on. Mmm Very good stuff!

Ahh … need to think water too. Better bring those extra bottles in the car up when we get back. Shouldn’t have too much fruit to carry. Deep breath… Ok, ok you know what you gotta do next laundry down us to gym. You can do this baby … you can do it!

posted by Ann Marie @ 11/11/2006 12:08:00 PM Comments: 0