Ayn's Multiple World

Good morning, this is me. We’re probably looking like the person who needs another cup of coffee. We’re already rocking that can’t be too good a sign. Shhh… We had gone to bed last night, but couldn’t sleep again. I think we finally laid down about 11:30 pm.

We wrote an email to Dr. M. last night. We were pretty keyed up with school. Wrote him a summary of what we’d done with the paper. Tried to let it go. We were scared at the end that someone was going to make us go back to work. We didn’t want to go and we don’t want to go now. I don’t know if he is going to have time to talk with us today, but I imagine he’s not going to like so much that point of view. This was our face last night.



Yes, I think that is a face that’s not a good going to work face. We’ve been trying imagine ourselves going to work for the last couple of days at least by tomorrow. We wrote Sr. a note last night saying that we’d try to talk to Dr. M. and shoot for Tuesday. I don’t know something has to happen in us in the next 24 hours to help us want to go to work. Umm, it hasn’t happened yet.

Ok, ok … that’s enough that. Too much pressure first thing of the day. It’s about 5:30 am now. Shhh … shhh … it’s going to be ok, it’s going to be ok. Oh oh … V. is not idle anymore. Pretty sure he’s on his way to work just out of the shower. Maybe he won’t notice us over here. Let’s be very quiet.



Feel like I’m trapped in a bubble and it’s out of control. Shhhh… Let’s try a hot cup of coffee that usually makes us feel better. K? Good V. is gone … I think it was like a drive-by hi-bye. He’s pretty serious about doing work stuff when its time to do work stuff. Sorta like one of those people you could set the time of day by. Umm, we’re not like that. I think we’re going to try and visit some blogs. That will be a good idea?

Hmm, not sure if this is a good idea … the first two posts I read somebody just died. Maybe this is not a good time to start visiting. Ok … this isn’t just about us. Stuff is happening out there to other people. Deb … just wanted you to know I’m sorry about your friend. Hmm there are about seven people who weren’t really at home and the last one was pretty bad off. Wooo hooo … the next couple of people have been playing with their blogs and other fun stuff and their imaginations! And, the funniest things is that two of them are doing what we’re doing … blogging about a walk around blogland or having visitors to theirs. That’s funny. We’re feeling in awe of some pretty amazing writers and artists … Whew! And that one was sure busy! Pswhoo I’m done now … that really wasn’t too bad … I’m amazed by the people are practicing at the art of writing or creating.

I feel a little intimidated now that I’ve been “out of the house” so to speak. I’m pretty sure, we’ve tilted some sense of blogging respect in the fact, we rarely leave the blog or it’s computer parent. There … figured we better take the medicine. Feeling pretty tense. We stopped by to heat up the coffee and thought we better think of breakfast. We took the last frozen dinner out of the freezer and noted there were still a few bags of frozen vegetables. The only thing in the fridge that’s not a condiment is the pickles. YAYYYYY pickles! There are two more cans of tuna, and some rice and gravy. That’s not too bad. Our friend does something with that rice, gravy and vegetables. Think he adds meat too, but I’m not so sure with tuna and gravy … doesn’t sound like a hit. We’ll save one for dinner and the other lunch. It’ll be ok. I want to ask for directions, but then we think … hmm, we could probably read the back of the container, right? Kind of pressing our abilities here cuz we have to mix stuff. Hmm. Probably someone should wash dishes too. Won’t be too bad that’s what the dishwasher is for, right? Ok, why don’t we shoot for 7:30 am. on that one (in about 45 minutes). By then the medicine will have worked and we’ll be more calmed down.

Sometime when Dr. M. writes, he does it about 7:30-8:00 am, or there about. I’m thinking … yep, yep I’ve stepped into the deep end here. Shhh. It’ll be ok, it’ll be ok. How’d this happen? Still rocking.



Ok, something to eat … that’ll make us feel better, right? We did something. When we were out in the kitchen … we put all the dishes in the dishwasher. Our friend says it’s important to count 8 of those plastic bowls, because if we clean them, then he will come and fill them up. That happens with the garbage too. If we fill it up then he will come and take it away. And, we cleaned off the table, because sometimes when he does that, then he comes and eats with us. I don’t know when he is coming again, but maybe soon because we washed all the dishes. Well, except two bowls. We ran out of room. I think I heard though that he has ball games every day this week. Except that it might rain and then he can come over maybe. I wonder if he’s been helping us take care for a long time. I don’t remember so good when he didn’t. But, I do remember sometime before we used to order our groceries on the computer. We haven’t done that for a long time.

Hmm. This is what the weather says …



So, maybe he will come tomorrow. He booked games for every day this week, but only because he said that in the spring there are so many rain days where the baseball games get called off.

Ok, deep breathe. It’s just that it doesn’t look rainy out there right now. I think we got to think about something else, cuz this is too hard. I like the sound the dishwasher makes though when it is doing what it does. I’m thinking here if we called our friend, he would be too upset cuz we’re not at work yet. We better not call him. If he were here though … most likely he would tell us that we have to take a shower. I don’t want to take a shower though. We took one yesterday that should count. I know, I know … he says we got to take a shower every day. Umm, maybe in an hour. Ok? Why don’t we say then at 8:30 am we’ll take a shower. But, I don’t want to take one now! Maybe Dr. M. will write to us and we’ll miss it.

Shoot, shoot … I know we got to take a shower, cuz we got to do school stuff. Ok, ok … we’re going to take the shower. BUT, I won’t like it! The water has to heat up first.



Ok, shhh. See that didn’t hurt so much did it? I’m not happy! Why don’t we get a little more coffee. See, you did good … dishwashers going, do you hear? Uh huh. Ok, hold on.

Very good … we did some picking up around the living room too. We sure do have a lot of blankets. We need to figure out what to do with the sound system. Leave another note. Ask Jacob. Hmm. He’s not signed on right now, but our friend is. Let’s be quiet some more. Maybe he won’t think about us because he’s busy with his business. Shhh…

No Dr. M. yet … It’s almost 8 am now. Please have a few minutes …Ok, what do we have to do next. We’ve done enough domestic stuff to last us a little bit. We can’t just sit here … something needs to progress. I know. But, I donno what to do. You are going to need to switch us over to school. L <- That’s my unhappy face! You can do better than that. It hurts! Shhh what hurts. It hurts to think. Ok, let’s do this together then … What’s the first step? I gotta think about something? Uh huh. Something about school. I know. I don’t have to go to school though, right? No, not this morning. You just have to open your mind to do something. Why don’t we try opening the OneNote program. You know the big chart. Too much, too much! Well, how about we open it just a little, take a peek and then you can shut it. Ok, but I’m not gonna like that. Too bright. Ok, shhh … it’ll be ok. Now before we shut it … we need to open the other OneNote program. Did you see it? Yes. Ok, how you doing? FINE! Shhh it’ ok … it’s ok. You did good. When we open it again. I don’t want to … not right away, but when we do let’s set the timer for 10 minutes, k? *whimper* and when we get back. We need to open Dr. M’s email and switch over his copy for the copy in the program … because it’s changed a little. See, that’s not so bad is it? Then what? Then we’ll leave the program open where we need to pick up our work. We were on 10, so we need to go to 11, ok? That’s pretty easy. You can do that now? Ok, very good … let’s try. Excellent. You done good! Why don’t we reset the timer for another ten minutes and you can do whatever you want. ANYthing? Yup! Hmm, I want to write a poem to V. Hehehe ok, ok … the space is all yours. Once upon a time Lived a man name V Was tickled by rhymes About big green trees One nice sunny day A loon happened by To what do you say V. thought to say hi The loon said boo-hoo What is the matter? I’ve got the blue flu Couldn’t get sadder Oh oh … our friend figured out where we were AND the timer went off. He was just there though for a minute. He was on his way to a big meeting. He tried to make us feel bad. When we said we were having a hard time, he said so were the people we were committed to. But, we told him we didn’t want the guilt stuff, we wanted to do something cuz it was the right thing to do. He said he would talk to us later. How are we doing now?

Hmm, a little better. We might want to try putting up that hair. Then trying again at school. You have a very wonderful poem. I do?! Yep, yep … think V.s going to like it just fine. Why don’t we make a deal. We’ll set the timer for 45 minutes, and when it rings you can have 10 more minutes for your poem. How’s that? J <- That’s my happy face. Ok, but the hair needs to go up, k? Yes ma’am. How’s this??

Very good, set the timer, then we’ll see you later! K. Bye.
Ahh, fresh cup of coffee, clean ashtray, and smokes. Big deep breath, stretch. Ok, we getter get busy with the school work the end of the day will come too soon. As far as work goes … we are going to need doing it. Just not sure when. Still think we have to talk to Dr. M. Ok, that’s better … we left him a little note asking if we could talk, or should just write.

Let’s think that through just a moment … What problem do we need to get over before going back to work. Ok, that’s a given … we need to hand in an outline and finish the last journal entry. Anything else? Ok, that’s on the list … we need to give some little ones time to write poems. But, let’s work that up to work 2 hours, break 15 minutes. We have a lot of work to do and am going to need concentrating on it after we start. Ok? Ok … we’ll work then for an hour and 45 minutes then break 15. Better? Good. Thanks for the suggestion. What else do we need to clear up? I know we wanted to be dead. Let’s think of that for a moment. How do we feel?

Well, I don’t exactly want to be here yet. Oh? How come? Ahh still mad at Dr. M. But, we’ve worked that out, haven’t you heard? Hmm? We can write him and he’s going to be more responsive, but he is going to try tabling the actual discussions I think more to the every two weeks we meet. When are we meeting? This is a Dr. M. work week now. You did very good in getting here. I don’t think it’s a good deal that his time get scheduled in with stuff that happens in between. Ok, I like that idea, because the time should still go to who ever needs it … priority going, of course, to the younger parts. But, they need to share the time. They can’t have all of it. That part has to be understood. How about, if I might suggest, a running note to him. But, like the articles we’re working on … it has to be condensed to one sentence. No, I don’t like limiting them either, but we need to lessen the amount of time we are intruding in his day. Why don’t we try it this way. Let’s say we check in twice a day. At 6 am and 6 pm, unless it is an emergency. If noone has anything to say, then we’ll just let that time go. I know you want to check in EVERY time, but then we would lose some of the independence we had before. You can, however, write another sentence, but only one at a time. They have to be condensed. K? Ok. Good. It’ll be ok, just wait and see … we can change up after we test it out and after we talk to Dr. M. about it.

Ok, next … we know that just because we wrote to Dr. M., it doesn’t mean he’s going to get back to us right away. I think we need to give him a window of time. My suggestion would be within 24 – 48 hours. I know, I know … that’s a lot of time. And, we are also going to see how the billing works, when he stops to recognize us. That be only fair. K? What’s next?

Ok. The part of liking Dr. M. and it being ok, he likes us. Anything anyone wants to put on the table for that issue? I know you’re not comfortable with that yet, but I think we have to give him a little latitude. As he said, he is still our doctor even though the visits are more infrequent. He made a good point with that statement. I think some of us had been feeling a strong door closed between us and him, especially in working it out that something or someone else was filling our old time. Ok, fair enough. Maybe you can pose that question to him directly. Does he ever think of us when isn’t our time to work with us. And, the question is also good, how does he think of us when we’re not around. What happens to us in his mind? Ok, fair enough … Anything else? No, I think that points been covered. I think he still likes us even when he’s not being paid to like us.

Oh man oh man. He said he has some free time right now … he’s going to call. Shh… be calm, be calm … shhhh… no reason to panic. It’s going to be ok … shhh don’t worry. He can ask some questions too. Let’s think of this as trying to figure out yet what it would take to get us back to work. Hmm, and also maybe get some insight into us being “checked out” are we really strange … or just being normal strange.



I’m probably not the first one who takes notes talking to her doctor.

Overwhelmed

Could be mad

The worry isn’t helpful

Just be aware

Make a plan

Take day to organize

Put limit on people stopping by

Close door

Reschedule people to maintain control

Pills to say stop

Saying no

Under control

Practice earlier structured time

Like school

Structure day so not overwhelmed

Where are all the parts?

Need to assess where everyone is

Can make report to Dr. M.

Work in progress rules are changing

Extension of before

Ask if specific questions

Longer stuff there is less chance to read

We can look at 2-3 responses a week with a goal of one

Remember we have a plan

Look for the truth or what is probable

Sometimes people plan for worse to be prepared

Energy – V point

Some times things get “so bad” it becomes to hard and so gets us out of it

Just don’t want do hard

I don’t want to do it

slow down

break things into little pieces this is the message

plan for what is probable

Certainly email me

Ok, ok … we’re getting there. We added something to our blog. We’re going to keep it there for a place to return as home base, unless he tells me I can’t put the picture there. We sent him a quick email asking if it was ok. I think it should be. Nobody can google his name and be connected to my site, though they could locate me by contacting him. If anyone were to ever do that, they’d have to face him … and he’s not going anywhere from his direction toward opening up our privacy. I probably talk so much about ourselves at this juncture – that privacy is like a non-word. I’m very proud that he is our doctor. And, we’re proud of him as a doctor and as the rest of what he does. I guess that is how we look at our blog. It’s partly a teaching mechanism. If anyone ever wanted to know a multiple, they would have come to the right place here. I have figured out I could be found by full name, aynetal, aynetal3, and Ayn multiple personality disorder. Yoo hoo my big claim to fame … I am googleble.

OK … OK …OK …



We are not getting on here with the day. Sure do like having a picture of Dr. M. though. I don’t know why we never thought of it before. I’m not sure what all you will think when you see it. Probably, more like, ok … sure, great! Hehehe … He’s mostly a big deal to just us. Maybe V. will appreciate. How many thousand times has he heard the name mentioned. Shoot V. we’re sorry … Oh dear … 2 hours and 15 minutes ago we were going to let Casey write her V. poem. Little lunch … while poeting? Woohoo that got a big grin. Deal.

Woooo HOOO Guess what? Guess what? Dr. M. says, “That's fine. It looks good that I get some billing with the cats. :-) “

WOW YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY That makes my day!

Ok, ok … not my turn … go ahead you got the floor.

Ok, remember when I said the V said hi to the sad loon? This is what happened next…

Once upon a time,
Lived a man named V.
Was tickled by rhymes,
About big green trees.

One nice sunny day,
A loon happened by,
To what do you say?
V. thought to say hi.

The loon said boo-hoo.
What is the matter?
I’ve got the blue flu.
Couldn’t get sadder.

Why aren’t you in bed?
Poor sick little loon,
And, out here instead,
With V. the buffoon.

Hehehe, but it rhymes V!

Cuz my head does hurt,
my stomach does too,
I surely won’t flirt,
Cuz I think it’s true,

An apple a day,
From that tree up there,
Keeps Doc V a way,
If truly you care.

So up climbed doc V,
Quickly he did move,
To the top of tree,
He got in his groove.

But when he got down,
Loon stole Doc V’s bed,
V found on the ground,
None up to be fed!

Hehehehe I did it I did it!!!!!!! I’m so smart! I’m so smart! *Giggling* to pieces! I’m a poet like V!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!



NO MORE PICTURES!

Ok, ok … sorry


I’m going now GOOD BYE!

Shoot … figure that’s going to cost me a slurpee. SLURPEE I’M BACK!

Ok, ok … you win, but you need to sit quietly. YESSSSSSS MAAM!

I’m so smart, I’m so smart Heheheheh

AHEM … Better take stock … The time is 12:30. If we’re lucky we can still put in 8 hours, but we NEED to get going. I know. First things first … You are going to need to rearrange some windows

Hehehe it’s sorta funny … we never really thought of it before, but that surely is a good reason for having tons of windows. It’s like sitting at seat next to the windows in a car. Everybody wants to see out. We’re like that a lot. To be able to give every one the level of comfort necessary, things sometimes have to get juggled around. Guess its something about being a multiple, that we just can’t help. Dr. M. said earlier that we have to check out to see where everyone is at, or basically anyone in the system can slow up the works for everyone. Things need to be balanced. Everyone has to be heard. ‘Cept for someone’s kitties … they don’t need a window. They’re both curled up together at the bottom of our guest bed. I think pretty much that is how they spend a normal day at home.

We are going to need adjusting ourselves back to going to work. Tomorrow. I know pretty much tomorrow. Are we going to need a doctor’s note? But, then we’ll HAVE to go back. Well, yes … we’re pretty sure we have to go back anyway. Should we call or write to Sr. M. and let her know. How about we do that at the end of the day when we’re feeling more sure. Ok, that sounds like a good deal.

This is where we are at right now.



(Click to make larger)

Ok, just let’s settle one more thing. Dr. M. said something about doing making plans. Can we go back to that for just a moment?

Shoot not holding thoughts very good in my head. Has this been a problem all day, or just with me? I feel pretty dizzy. In more ways than one. This is me.



Trying to keep it all together in my mind … I know we have to do school. I can see it lined up … but, still don’t have the Dr. M. stuff down about what we’re supposed to do. Oh yeah … and that happened too … Trying to keep it together. Rich IM’d and said he was coming by in about an hour … that make it about 2:15 he’ll be here. I’ts 1:20 now. We’re not getting very far, very fast. I’m sorry, I’m not helping very much. School, I know … school. Ok, Dr. M. stuff??W

Dr. M. Report

This is our first note. Nothing to report … 1 pm and we're still trying to settle into school … Ok, trying hard. Ice slurpee helps, reviewing notes we took while talking to you.

Just got note from our friend. He's planning on stopping by in hour to make dinners, then he has to go to his game. He should help us with work too.

I can get things under control by saying no to anyone and anything that’s overwhelming me. Practice time structure. Check out where parts are. Make a plan. Plan toward what is probable. Only so much energy. Things don't have to be too hard, just need to slow down and break things into pieces we can handle. That's the message. Plan for what is probable.

Ok, good … keep that handy.



Pretty shaky … Ok … here’s the plan … I’m feeling very overwhelmed. I don’t care where anyone else is, because I feel like I’m having a break down. I’d like to give my energy to who ever wants it. Ok, slow down. We can do this … we’re working together, right? We’re going to help you out. That’s the plan. We have to plan some school time. You can help us get there. We’re going to focus our thoughts on understanding the next article. Ok? We can do this. We need your help. It will be ok. Take a deep breath. Sit up. Look over at the “Reference and Abstract” page. We’re going to look at #11. Read the title. Hehehe that’s perfect. No, I didn’t plan that. The title reads “Planning and problem solving skills following focal frontal brain lesions in childhood: Analysis using the Tower of London” (Jacobs, 2002). See … that’s better. Going to skim over the abstract now. Go ahead.



This is where we are now after everyone is done talking to me. I need to make it stop. We're trying not to feel overwhelmed. Doctor M. said that worrying isn't helpful. Think this is why he said to put a limit on people stopping by. He said shut the door. I don't need to do dumb stuff to get through this … I just got to say no. I can be under control. He said to make a plan and structure the day so we don't get overwhelmed. My plan is that I'm going to bed. When I get up, I'll eat dinner and then work on school. That's probably what will happen. And I will still be here.