Stubbly morning...
Morning. We’re still here! We had a bad early morning, but feel strongly that we’re coming out of it YAYYYYY!!! Never underestimate the beauty of a shower and breakfast with kitties! Now we’re chasing down cereal with a touch of cantaloupe ... good stuff! We’re taking a small break from school and work to get our bearings straight. I was so bad off earlier in the morning had a sex nightmare with the ex. Yeeks. Ran into him at K-Mart … I haven’t shopped there for like … did I ever?? Pretty big step from V’s Paris designer shops. And, for the record if V were to show up naked in my dreams I am pretty sure it wouldn’t be him! Something to be said of gentlemanly ways! Sometimes, I think the ex only wanted to procreate himself. *Sigh* Ok, ok … enough of that!I am feeling also much better than last night … it’s hard to even know that place, but I know the death thoughts had started again. We have to put ourselves to sleep when that happens. Dangerous stuff. We’re worrying about it though cuz the episodes of being overwhelmed with depression are coming closer together. I don’t know what we’d do if we always were depressed. There’s something to be said about switching parts. Shoot can see that part pretty close to the forefront now. I’ve got to think what would make her happy?
Dr. M. comes to mind, but lately he’s been a pretty depressing thought. I wish we could bring back to our senses the kind of feelings we used to have about him. I think we’re in a good dose of need that now. Whenever we think though of a happy time, someone else steps heavily into the space and says something like … that was before. Not now.
Just coming out of another little spell. I think what is happening is that Annemarie is responsible for the time when we’re going into bad spells. Not by all means all of the depression, but that whatever place that stops us in our tracks. It’s like she is taking us down. I don’t think we’re processing much at those points. Oh, I know the system says it is “shutting down.” Think mostly it is because we are being overwhelmed with emotions, mostly depression. By the time we’re shutting down we’re not processing too much the particulars like the bad stuff we are facing that makes us feel so hopeless.
This is the before and after pictures of then and now. I don’t think our eyes focus right and our breathing is more halting, like every breath is laborious. I think that part has a hard time holding us up too. Always needs to be resting on our arm like we had no back or neck bones.
Shoot mini-fall asleep … have to keep away from that, especially if we’re going to be driving soon. I wonder if it’s too cold for coffee out on the balcony. Let me check that out. Wooo HOOO nice out there! But, our poor Missy scolds us to pieces. Be careful, be careful or you will fall! Don’t you know this is MY balcony she says! Like scuse me Ms kitty! Can I pay you off in a thousand kitty pets?? Just as I thought! I need to pay a kick-back to go out on MY balcony!
More coffee! Cuz, I’ve got the kitty bluuuuues. ;)
Wonder how the fishyman is doing? Hope he’s catching big fishies! He’s very faithful in telling me some of the good stories. But, not toooo many. We always seem to look for the ones concerning what women they ran into and how did they handle the bathroom while out on the lake. I think the latter just petrifies us to think of … be much easier of course if women had better tools. But, I don’t think women are brought up in general for public displays of urination. I know, I know … it’s been explained how men usually look away. Hmpf just tell me why men have to stand next to each other using urinals without walls. They are technically advanced and could BUILD urinal walls. Just seems we’re not making too many advances in this direction. I may never understand this. Think its built into their competition complexities. HMPF!
Yikes, gotta get going … Be taking care out there!
posted by Ann Marie @ 4/21/2006 06:43:00 AM
Comments: 2
