Ayn's Multiple World

*Sigh* It's a Gramma's Life!

Good morning. Been a while since I’ve been here … actually, been just over here  Yes, right over by the chocolate Easter eggs. Unfortunately, we’re not thinking we’re looking so hot about now. BUT, the point is that we’re still here … and that’s got to be worth SOME points. Ahh … follow that up with a ham sandwich for breakfast *sigh* there is no end to our devious ways.

I’m not sure where we are really right now … just figured I should try to put something down. We’re behind again at school and work. I know nothing new. Most of our concentration has been at work. We’ve been writing out the survey guide preparation questions, and then some point into that project, we decided that we were actually writing the performance analysis paper. Though we’ll still need to check the performances and analyze them too and conclude with a result section that will kind of be a forecast of what to do next. It would seem easy, but it is a process of responding to 61 tough questions. I think we are about 70% complete now.

I had gotten ourselves caught up in the general thought, “Let me just finish these and we’ll scoot over to the school work, but the questions kept getting longer and more drawn out. Felt like we were standing in quicksand. Thought oh Lordy I just gotta finish this, but it was going on and on!

I had told Sr. last week that I would get it done by the end of the week, not realizing at the time we were going to have another vacation. I had been working for like 3 of 5 days on the actual format of the Performance part. The last night, Wednesday, I was into it pretty bad … think we stayed up with it until like 1:30 am trying to get a feeling of it as complete. We reviewed again the next morning, then figured if we could just get these 61 questions over (the part Sr. was looking for) and we figured it was a light school week, and we could manage it. We put in a good day on Thursday and sent Sr. an encouraging email. Then it was Friday and we weren’t as productive and by yesterday we were more like LET ME OUT OF HERE! Damn … like 14 more questions to go … so, I guess we’re like an entire 77% done YAYYYYYYY!!!! BUT, still about a quarter left??? There’s no God … I’m sure!

We’ve got 5 more questions on this set of questions, then out of the BLUE they throw in 9 almost totally unrelated questions about our technology department … ACK!!!!!! I had sent Sr. a second note at the end of Friday saying that no matter where I was Saturday morning at 8 am, I would advance her the work. Saturday morning prior to 8 am she sent a nice note back saying take a break, you can finish it on Monday or Tuesday. BUT, that didn’t help so much, because we figured, we could then keep working at it. That was probably where we veered off on the deep end. We’re still going over it in our mind. It’s like 17 pages at this time. It’s like writing out the whole philosophy of the center. They ask questions like, “demonstrate how the information you have collected confirms the mission and core values of the organization.” Or, “Which performance indicators for business functions have you chosen?” Yah, right … like do they even explain what a performance indicator is??

I’m pretty sure if there were beer in the house, I would be crying in it!

No beer.

So, we moved on.

The thing that I’m trying to keep in mind is that of all the things I do in my job, this particular part of CARF is the hardest thing we do without a doubt in our mind. We were in the top 10% of organizations 2 years ago with CARF, but the biggest problem was that I’d messed up this section. AND, this is the section the surveyors spend the most time with. So, basically, if I can get through this, I can get through anything!

Each of the questions have made me think hard. Maybe that’s the problem with this section is that it requires that kind of thinking while at the same time, you have to hold the whole scope of it together. The section in itself is called information management and performance improvement. It is actually like 3 different sets of things. First is business improvement, second is performance analysis, and last is the technology section. The business improvement section requires 11 reports to be written. Last year I did long reports, which I am not going to do this year, although last year it earned us an exemplary recognition from CARF. I want to keep them each in the 5-10 page area this year. The business improvement reports are written on financial information, accessibility status reports, resource allocation, surveys, risk analysis reports, governance reports, human resource reports, technology analysis reports, environmental health and safety reports, field trends, including research findings, and service delivery system. This is just a terrible, terrible bear of a project.

I think at this point I am looking more forward to doing the reports than trying to think up all this stuff that goes into how the hell everything is going to fit together. Sometimes I’m impressed with myself for how much I must know and other times I’m simply blown away with the thought of how terrible the project is and in this case I feel sorry for myself because Sister has stuck me with CARF accreditation. It’s at times like this I question whether or not that $50 raise, was quite sufficient.

Eh, I suppose it is still $600 I didn’t have last year … and will assist in paying the loan, I will need to get to fill up the gas tank at $38 per shot. MAN! It’s terrible!

Hmm, figured it out $600 will pay for almost 16 trips to the pump! YAYYYYY! I think that is almost like 5 months of gas. Hey, hey … now we’re cookin! Hehehehe

Lordy, what would I do without this trigger point on my warbly sense of humor?? Perspective dears, it’s all about perspective!

Ok, ok … time to stop crying in the theoretical beer. Yes, dear I have a life. NOT! LOL ok, let’s not get silly … I think that’s the cookie talking! God Bless Sweetie Pie! He came over on Friday night, and he may come back tonight, but we’re not sure yet, because he wasn’t sure. I will though get to spend some time with him on Tuesday, before he goes out into the world abit.

Friday, I think he was a little nervous about how we would be, because he snuck off all day, had a couple of beer … golfed most of it, or was otherwise at 3-4 fishing stores preparing for a 5 day trip he is going to take this week. As much as I appreciate getting the cookies, chocolate crème eggs, and hugest of hams, there’s some sneaky woman place in my mind thinking I should have been a “better get her another diamond bracelet girl!” Naw, naw … just kidding. I really am glad he is getting some time off. We hold no regrets of his leaving, just seems that that the cards have fallen in our direction and we have to have a little fun with this. You might imagine what we put him through after we found in the fridgerator two nice melons after he had told us about the lady fisherman he met who was sooo smart, and about the young woman who brought beers to and his guy friend out on the course. AHA! AHA! Yup yup … we took that baby a few miles into it! LOL Man I showed no mercy!

My poor baby bunny … he still got his back and tummy rubbed … I don’t think we were toooooo hard on him! Although, it seems like sometimes a man’s got to fish … sometimes woman has to play fishy too!

The next part is about my grandmother. We had conversations with her on Friday and Saturday. I won’t call her again now until Tuesday to see how her Easter went. My motherperson was supposed to get in town (my grandmother’s) last night and they are all having dinner with an old neighbor friend today. Then, on Monday, my grandmother will need to go to a medical appointment, and my cousin from somewhere … still haven’t figured out which state, will be stopping by on Monday night. So, she is going to be pretty tied up.

I am enjoying the conversations immensely, and I find myself wandering often toward thinking what would she be doing/thinking now. Then, I remind myself, she is only a call away. Let’s give her a ring. So for the next couple of days, we will have to go into remission. I’m finding the funniest part, that I didn’t expect, was how closely the logic she uses fits the way I think. It seems as if there might be some generics here involved. I don’t have the impression that either one of us is smarter than the other, but it seems that her view of life, has been very clearly defined, or maybe refined. She carries a certain depth that I can appreciate even though she hasn’t ever really been a student past high school almost 80 years ago. She is very perceptive. I think her ability to concentrate is pretty good, though I think still overall, she prefers talking over listening. I like the conversations we can get into. I think she could understand my thinking even better if she sat down to read some of the papers. But, I won’t put her through a lot of that. Just I want her so badly to think with me. Yesterday, we asked more questions about her thinking of things like the people at her center and such. I don’t think she’s put in a lot of time on this area. She simply thinks. I asked her about her sense of order, which is something that I always appreciated. I had no doubt she was making her bed every morning now, as she had throughout her entire life. Her home was always put in order, her clothes clean, and her dishes washed. You could imagine how something like that must have been appreciated from someone like me. It’s one of my great personal downfalls, with the others being low self esteem and weight. I’m guessing that they all get messed up together.

I think what is impressing me now is how analytical she is. Maybe that’s why she seems so interesting to me. She’s pretty much got life and herself figured out, and I think a lot of it has been in comparing and contrasting herself to others. Like we talked about what a trip to her mail box was like, in that she would run into people she would stop to talk to on the way. She talked about the differences between the older and the newer people at the center. She’s considered one of the “old-timers,” then she teased, she said, some of them say, we (meaning her and a few friends) run the place! Hehehe I find that so funny. I can imagine me being old and thinking about the same way. She always inserts kind of the general rules about things. I think in this way she teaches. Like she said something about how important it was to always say hi to the new people. She says the general conversations are about how they are doing, and how long they’ve been at the center, and general exploratory questions such as that.

I asked her if many talked about their children, grandchildren and such. She explained that it comes up sometimes, but she seemed a little concerned over those that went on about how wonderful their people were. She says, “You know Ann Marie, I’m just not really interested in all that.” LOL … then we talked about knowing enough about the others’ “world” to listen to what’s important from the other. I don’t think she’s thought of “worlds” like I have (hence Ayn’s Multiple World), but I knew she could understand it. Often I think its like picking up magazines or books. Usually, except for a few (the books), I close them after I’m finished and may or may not get back to things real soon. I just get so consumed by whatever I’m doing …

*sigh*

Bunny-face just signed on for a few moments … he wrote me a little poem … Oh man can he make my heart twitter! He said that there may be one more egg, but bunnies don’t tell secrets HMPF! I’m pretty sure men bunnies are very silly! He also said something about tomorrow being very seriously doing diet again  HMPF HMPF! Nuf of that!

Anyway …

Well, you are getting the gist with my grandmother … I’m not sure of the ultimate conversation with her yet. I’m so pleased and tickled with just the simple stuff. I like want to here about her friends, and what they talk about, or how she cuts a piece of bread, or if she has ever held any secret fantasies, just all and out snoopy stuff! Somehow I just want to know her, though I know I’ve known her all my life. Everything she does and thinks and feels I find amazing. Not because she’s older, or even because she’s MY grandmother … just I see her as a woman who is very interesting and I want her to like me. I know there are times when I know she’s holding back a “judgment” … Like I had told her at one point about not having my hair cut since my father’s funeral over 3 years ago. She is the type of woman who gets her hair done every Friday by a beautician … she was pretty sure I should do something about that. I knew as it was going down and I knew on a return conversation when she had gone back to it. But, now we’re in the like mind to say something like … nope, nope … it’s not going to happen! Because, you see … now we’re bigger! AND, not even sweetie pie can budge us, if its not the direction we really want to go. HMPF!

Well, yes, of course, now we’re thinking about it more … we got to the point where we were thinking … BUT, my mother has short hair, and I want absolutely no means of being like her. Plus, if I got it cut, I’d have to go back, and back and back WHILE spending money on something I don’t believe in! I’ve had long hair the majority of my life … and that is my privilege! Whoops kinda riled up there hmm?? I know that we can be manipulative, and I know that it is the way my family runs. And, I know it is something I have to work very hard on controlling and not be controlled by other people. We better put deal with manipulative back on the safety list of things to watch out for.

I know I can be that way … but I certainly don’t want to be put through it. It’s not one of our better traits.

Whoops … somehow we went from energized to zapped with that whole thing. Better go next subject…

After we talked with our Grandmother we were thinking … hmm, sure would like to at least say hi to the boys. So, we thought … hmm, we’ll just call and see where the cards land. First we called Macadam. Struck out there … he didn’t pick up his cell phone, so we left him a message … you know, blah, blah, blah, call your mother! Hehehehe

Then we found Jacobs number and put that also in the phone’s memory. I got him! He had been talking to a friend, but he told the friend I’ll see you later. YAYYYY!!! He was going to talk to me! So, we talked about 15 minutes. He asked in such a nice way saying if it wasn’t too late, would I like to come out and have an Easter dinner with him. We thought of it pretty quick and said sure. There was another matter that he had talked about in being so mad about money. He said that he still had $300 left, which he thought he could fairly easily live on until summer break in a month or so. But, he said he got a call from his step-mother saying that his school had sent him a bill from an extra course he had added late and that he’s owed the school about $300 for the last two weeks the bills been sitting there.

I didn’t like him being that frustrated at all! So, then I started thinking through our money situation. Just had gotten that nice couple thousand from taxes. But, we weren’t sure if we did it right and it was on its way or we would have to call to do something else and need to wait another couple of weeks. Sooo, we figured better check where we were with the balance before making a commitment that would put us past empty. When we looked at the account, we realized that not only had the IRS money already gotten there, but it had been cleared too! That was certainly a good deal. We had a little excitement though in that it also looked like somebody had put an extra $14,000 in my account WOOHOOOO!!!! I have a guardian angel! But, then I saw the bank had taken it back … drat! Oh well, easy come, easy go. One way or another there was still enough to help Jacob out, and it had reminded him he was supposed to get some money back from the IRS too. PAYDAY!!! YAYYYY!

So, we get to go out to his place in about 2-2 ½ hours .

Next, Macadam called back. YAYYY!!! But, by then we were pretty confused because we got mixed messages. He was telling us that he was going to put some homemade lasagna in the oven and he had just seen our name on his phone and he wanted to know if we would like to come out. That message got confused with an internal one that was saying, what??? You can’t think of your mother on Easter without a fluke??? It hadn’t been any better in that Jacob had said Macadam was having a big party out at his place for his father and in-laws. OF COURSE, we stay away from events involving the ex and his wife, but the whole thing meant he had not thought of getting together for an alternative date, although he obviously had capabilities of pulling OTHER people together.

This is a kind of mixed up place where in our head, we’ve been dealing with he loves his father more than his mother. This is a terrible thing to put your kids through. We try like the dickens to stop before we say anything stupid, and we WERE able to not say anything, but our mind was jumbled. So, we said no we couldn’t come out because we were confused. So, we thought of that for a few minutes and didn’t like the feeling of that at all! We put ourselves into V-mode and knew he would say, GOOOOOOOO!!!! So, thought better call him back. But, he did not pick up his cell phone. So we were in a quandary … should we take our MEDICINE, shower and go, or wait, because he might have already invited somebody else. Seemed the major priority was getting someone to share the lasagna and his time alone with the two girls.

Fortunately for us he called back in short order, but we’d only had the medicine for 20 minutes and was still fighting the confusion. He said crabbily, I don’t want to play these games, I want you to come out, and if you want to come, we’d be happy to see you. That confused us too because he was using his loud voice. So, we said stop, the medicine needs a half hour to kick in. So he agreed to call us in about 15-20 minutes, which would give us a chance to shower. We figured surely that would help. It went pretty good, and he had called back. We were much more calm at that point, though couldn’t remember how to get to his place and needed directions. PSHWOO!!! It’s not easy being a mother, it certainly isn’t any easier by being a multiple.

Eh, the gist of it was … we had a pretty good time!  We were very worried though in that he looked terrible. He was tired and on his angry edge. Not because of us, but because there is a THREE MONTH year old CHILD on board, and she hasn’t gotten the hang of sleepin through the night yet. Yeeks! Let’s not even TRY to remember THAT! Good thing that they are both young  So, we made due.

There is always a little competition between my son and granddaughter of who is going to get Grandma’s attention. Sometimes they interrupt each other. But, we were pretty much much more mellow than we’d been on the phone and due to his initial crabbiness was on guard in that we were on our best thinking behavior. Like how do we take care of this best?? That was after, of course, falling in love with Elisabeth all over again. She was up when we got there and willing to fool us into ease by the fact she was SMILING AND gurgling at us! We did the good Grandma thing in not ogling her too much, because the more conscious big sister wanted to bring us down to the den where she could show us she learned how to blow up balloons. Well, of course, one has to get on top of that right quickly! Hehehe

Dinner was ready not too much after getting there, and there was a round of lasagna debating. Princess said I don’t like it and I’m not going to eat it … and then the King said, You are going to eat it or no egg coloring. Well, you can imagine how long something like that could drag out. So dinner passed and then onward … Elisabeth had fallen asleep during dinner, but was now up again. Her father had been in the adjoining kitchen, but we had no doubt in our mind what Elisabeth was up to. She was making a nice surprise for her daddy. But, Daddy wasn’t so keen on his ‘prize. He said, well, being the Grandmother and all, I would think you would look forward to changing her diaper for the first time. To which we said … US?? Mi??? Are you really sure about that? All by ourselves? But, he said he believed in us! Hehehe

So, off we all went to diaper land. He decided to tag along as did daughter #1, because this was obviously going to be quite the show. We thought, ok … we can do this … trick is to make it look like you know what you are doing! First thing I was told is that I had laid her down in the wrong direction. I checked the hands, I’d left at the bottoms of my wrist, and I though … hmm, no nope I’m pretty sure this is how its going to happen! He let us go on that one. I got the feet wrestled out of the pajamas and she had shown mercy by stopping the crying to watch us. Wooo HOOO more smiles! Naturally the diaper was in the wrong direction and Grandma ACCIDENTLY no harm done here folks had wiped in the wrong direction .. Damn! Ok, I thought … we’re all a little nervous here, we better let that one go. Of course son, how silly of me. I forgot! After we were told from Daughter #1 to make sure to put Winnie the Pooh on the front of the diaper, we were pretty sure we’d turned the last corner. The other two slipped out, and I dawdled over snapping and playing with Ms Wonderful #2 for a few moments of alone time with her  YAYYYYY!!!

I asked him when we got back, OK, NOW what do you do with her? He said, ummmm hold her?! Oh, ok I guess I could do that too! So, she smiled and smiled, and then she wiggled and cried. Oh Lordy, this isn’t happening right. Macadam, she’s crying. How do you make her stop. You don’t. She does that a lot. Oh oh … He said, you have to stand up and walk her a bit. Hmm, walking … that’s not one of my better suites. Well, we can try for a little bit anyway. Well, that lasted about 12 minutes. Macadddddam. I can’t stand up anymore. He put the dishes in the sink down and took over the baby handling. First think he did was turned her upside down rested her on his arm like a football and she calmed down quick. Pshwoo! I think I better concentrate on the other one!

There was this one more part that was going on before Dear Elisabeth woke up. The Easter egg stuff was started while I had gone outside for an after dinner smoke. I was pretty amazed that Precious #1 was as calm as she was. She’s improved in controlling her bounciness immensely. YAYYYY. Papers had been laid out and a carton of hard boil eggs brought out. All the colors were on the table and getting reviewed by the dearest of Ames. Before we’d taken over very temporary charge of Daughter #2, we got to color two eggs on our own. I made a beautiful yellow egg, and because the others were applying 4-6 colors on their eggs, I thought might as well try for a two-tone egg. Pretty good if I might say. Half blue, Half green. Well, looks like we’re about done here!

I guess my eggs didn’t pass family inspection. Ame said, Grandma do you want me to help your eggs look pretty? Hmm. Um, ok … you can do my yellow egg I guess that one is a little plain. By now the two of them daughter and dad were doing fancy drawing and things with those little plastic wrappers. My son was showing off his with hearts and rainbows and cascading colors. Hmpf. Well, Maybe Grandma is a little out of practice! Gem of my Eye #1 said … Grandma. I can fix your other egg too! *sigh* Yes dear … would you please?!

Son #1 said afterward, you can bring me the cups to the sink. You don’t think I will spill do you? He was still holding pretty face #2. You can do it Mom. That’s right … we’re the Mom YAYYYYYY! And, after that he said it’s time for Ame to lay down. Hmm, this sounds like it could be a problem. But, the alternative was with the other daughter who was perfectly calm in her Daddy’s arms watching her Sister. Ok, I said, what do I do now? He said, she needs to brush her teeth, get on her pajamas, you might want to read her a couple of books, and tuck her in. Oh. Ok. Does she want to do all that? Mom… That’s right I’m the Grandma I do all the Daddy’s rules! Ms Ame, Ms Ame. Do you want to show Grandma how you brush your teeth? Well, I guess that wasn’t her first option, but she did not put up too much resistance, because it seemed the whole household was leading into the bathroom, which needed a star performer!

Umm, Macadam. How do we do this? He said put a couple of peas-worth of tooth paste here and here, and she can handle the rest on her own. She knows how to do this fancy electric brush? Gramma here let me show you! YAYYYYY!!! A show! She thought maybe Gramma wants my old electric toothbrush. Whoops toothbrush on the floor, let me rins… oh never mind I guess you don’t want to rinse that off. Little girl continues to brush her teeth unobstructed by giant leaps into the fearful land her grandmother lives where GERMS are bigger than than growly tigers!

Pshwoo. We got through that. Gramma is staying away from her “real funny places.” Princess leads her into her bedroom which looks like a giant terrible monster lives there and has thrown his things about. Daddy competently goes to the closet to retrieve pajamas, while he holds a perfectly relevant conversation why we should save the pretty polka dot dress in the washer for the next day. Ame says responsibly … I have to be careful not to get any stains on my dress. Yeeks! Where did this child come from?? I also figured out that brand new 5 year olds still don’t overly concern themselves with their naked beauty. Flit her flit there. She was already conversing with her father over some books, now THREE that Gramma was going to read. Here, here do you want me to help you put on your pajamas? Mom, she can do it by herself. Hmm. I think there is a draft in this room, should all of us be wearing something? After a bit everyone as Sr. would say, “coooooperated!” And, we were on our way to read about Duck. YAYYYYY!!!

Duck turned out to be a pretty good egg! Hehehe that’s our duck humor  We read that cows can type, chickens prefer electric blankets, and ducks need jumping boards to prevent themselves from boredom. I think I’ve been reading the wrong books! I’m not quite sure I remember what happens to Duck in the second book. OHHHH, I remember Farmer Brown’s brother comes to take care of the Farm so Farmer Brown can go to Hawaii. Turns out not only can cows type, ducks can write too. He wrote a note telling the uncle to serve the animals pizza … 7 boxes! And, that the pigs especially like Farmer Brown’s special bubble bath. YAYYYYYY!!! This is very handy farm stuff to know! In the third book, Duck becomes President! I don’t but he did. Think it had something to do with sticky ballots. Hehehehe

There was only one real umm problem during the story. Son #1 with Daughter #2 listened and napped through most, but when we started talking about things, he said, Mom … that is not the fastest way to go. Hmm, do we have to go fast? I’m kinda having fun! Princess Pebble #1, did ok, until we got up to counting over 1 million ballots. I’m not sure if she is reading or memorizing lines, but many times, I would let her do it on her own. But, she really was tiring. That’s always a very reassuring old parenting thing to remember. So after the last book finished we bravely said, whoops time for bed! She followed peacefully YAYYYYY! I said which pillo…. But, by that time she was snuggled in. We did our best tucking in job …. Tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck… And, stole a pretty good smooch, while she was falling under the spell of one of our grand tickles!

Gramma, gramma I need some water. Water!?? Whoops, do you need to go to the bathroom? Nooooo. I just need some water … Hold on need expert advise here. Macadddddam?? Oh, ok we’re all good to go  We got her water WITH ice cubes FROM the fancy fridgerator and there was nothing left to do, but collect a couple of really nice smooches! Wooooo HOOOOO! We did it! Gramma stuff!

The next part I remember was tucking US into bed at our own home … Tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck!



The End…

posted by Ann Marie @ 4/16/2006 11:04:00 AM Comments: 3