I am.
Afternoon … now late afternoon,We’ve just finished the first couple phases of the day. Early morning went by in sort of a daze. I think there was tiredness involved. The regular morning more steady, mostly visiting, and some playing with music or other. I’ve worked my alarm system so that the desk is again clean and the dishwasher humming its most beautiful sound. Vince said that my recording is pretty long. It just talks about stuff that happened this last week. It’s not essential listening.
I’ve been worried about this “essential” part for the last month or so. It bothers me that my posts are full of so little content. Most of the time, we are still journaling, where we are trying to get ourselves from one point of time to another. It is very linear.
Sometime over the holiday, I had started another blog, trying to correct this stuck flaw in thinking. This morning when we looked at the one lone entry within it, we deleted it. We didn’t like the entry because it sounded contrived. We’re not sure what to write. The name for the blog that came to mind is called, “The Diary of Quite Frankly Ann.” I want to talk about things that are important to us that have nothing to do with our regular linear type tracing of behavior and thought.
My field of knowledge is very limited. Since, we don’t remember what we read, but know it as we read, it makes us better listeners than speakers. Our more philosophical thoughts lean toward books we haven’t read. I think to think one has to study masters one thought at a time.
Normally, within our system when we ask a question, we are given an answer by someone else within the system. It is of limited depth. We do not have the background many of you have in literature or fine arts. I like psychology more than anything. I want to think more as a psychologist might. Hehehe, but then we look at Vince. He is a clinical psychologist and thinks of poetry, art, and music. Hmpf! Some theory!
I see small truths when I visit. Someone has the perfect description, the perfect verse, the perfect story, the perfect picture, and the perfect thesis. Collectively, I think Wow! There is great! I appreciate small truths, because according to the time any one individual has to give to his or her blog, those statements, feelings, expressions, are perfect … for them at that moment! The blogs capture an instance of a truth in the timeline of that person’s life. And, then people go on to continue building their life and relationships and communities … their story.
But when I think of larger truths, I think of the thoughts that have captured masters who are studied by great students of thought. These are the people that become influential, like Jung studying under Freud, or Socrates studying under Plato. I cannot be these people. I’m having a hard time with this right now. I need to become more disciplined to be an ordinary average student, and I don’t have a deep thinking capacity, because I cannot remember constructs carried forward. What thoughts I structure are held together with cotton swabs and Elmer’s glue.
I’ve learned much about journaling and blogging in that speech or conveyance of self can be within itself prophetic.
I see Vince give evidence of many thoughts layered on top of thoughts already sifted through, and which gives his currency value. He’s not only well thought of, but simply is well thought especially in beauty … images and sound and visuals. These facets excite me. But, they are not me. I have never held goal as sophistication. I certainly will pause when someone points to Zen. Hmm, I’m thinking pausing here like when the arm drops as a speedy train rushes past.
I yearn to be in deep thought, mostly of self and self-acceptance. And, then we need to multiply this by our many.
So, I think, “Why not now?” “Why not here at this very moment?”
*Gulp*
Ok.
Today, I am. I am many things and many things to many different people. And, all those people are different. But, they are not me. I am here and I am good.
Ok, that’s enough for today.
Maybe I should go check out psychology school again ;)
posted by Ann Marie @ 1/07/2006 03:26:00 PM
Comments: 6
