Ayn's Multiple World

Last Entry of the Old Year

Afternoon! It’s me again. I’ve got about a half an hour before Rich comes home so I thought I’d write for a bit. I have already taken my shower and gotten dressed.

I’m sort of looking forward to going out. I tried on some different clothing than I usually wear. I found the new dress that Maria gave me actually fit, but it’s a floor length skirt and I didn’t want to do that.

The top was comfortable so then I tried the black jumper that’s been put away for a bit. That actually fit too, but I’d like it to fit a little better. I did try the short-sleeved sweater I used to wear with that dress. The sleeves were good, but I was reminded that it wasn’t a really long shirt.

So then I tried on the new shirt that Rich had given us. All of the pieces so far had been black. I didn’t like the way the longer shirt bunched up the dress, but then we remembered we’d had a black skirt before and we tried it on and it fit fine.  WooHOO!! So we are wearing the black linen skirt, Rich’s new blouse AND we found that one of the two black shoes under Rich’s dresser fit. The other pair kind of crackled they were so old. Both pairs were covered in dust that I had to be off.

I’m feeling good in that I think I look pretty good and I fit AND match! You know a girl will do about anything to turn the head of her species of male.

Rich called after we got dressed and were sitting down … he said that he was going to be leaving work and that it would be about that hour. He wanted to get out to dinner about 4 pm and then back home to avoid the people out for the New Year’s celebration. I of course told him I would want old sex and new sex … you know last of the year first of the year stuff.

Hehehe he said we were being very ambitious. HA! I wasn’t the one to have brought home wine!

I need to for a bit now figure out something special for the day. So far we haven’t gotten further than dinner, wine, you-know, and Anderson Cooper. I haven’t quite given-up on talking plans and dreams with Rich, but I might have to do that on our own.

Where should we go here? I’m sort of thinking of that Preference survey we give the clients. It is broken down into 10 sections. Let’s see how many I can remember.

Home, People you live with, free time, Work, Health, Safety, Rights, and Satisfaction. Yeeks! We’re missing 3 sections.

Shoot I was cheating and our screen froze. We had had our flash drive here at the table and I know the form is on it, but it was saved on Microsoft Works which is a very old program. We’re trying to see if we can get it now, but I’m unsure. I don’t think things were worth THAT much effort, but it is a nice program to have just because we have a gaggle of old files. Unfortunately the application search is non-responding. Maybe we’ll catch that later.

Ok, but basically we need to look at all those pro-gram areas and make some new resolutions. There’s no surprise that we’re unhappy with the living arrangements.

You know the house we want. As to whom we are living with? I’m way happy there!

We are really enthused about our projects coming up this year. There are several on the table. The first of course is doing the writing … this has been ongoing. The second project seems to be the Out-look program especially on to our devises.

That’s going to be important especially at work. Actually, if we could do the things we would like to get done than we would be riding Top Gun. The last thing I would like to add to our list is learning how to be a boater/outdoors-person. I want to be ready so when Rich says we’re heading out in a half-hour, I’ll be ready.

This one we might want to come back to because it sounds so neat.

Ahh this sounds like a bit of a list I think friends is next. Our friend IS the person we want to live with, but I suppose I could consider other friends. It would be nice if I weren’t so rigid in my habits that I couldn’t get out and be with others. I have a sense that if I have one good friend that I’m pretty much filled-up with friends. But, I know that Rich has a lot of friends that are more like associates and that is probably a lot healthier. I should try to get back with the Marine Parents because there were some really good people there, but it seems to take so much time out to be a good friend. We’re terrible for friendship. I’m pretty selfish with our time.

Another one of those things we were checking for on the preference interview is our sense of inde-pendence. I have to be careful hear because a lot of independence has to do with being able to keep money in check. Why don’t we say for the moment that we’ll come back to money? In general though, we know we need to improve here.

As to what we do with our regular time, we’re happy with getting up earlier and would like to go to bed earlier, but I like that Rich goes to bed with us. It seems we’re still going sometime between 9 and 10 pm. Lately it seems we’ve been taking naps, especially if Rich isn’t home until late. I’d rather be making that time more productive with the book or learning – reading.

I should take more a part in cleaning, eating right, and going to the gym. There’s nothing to argue out here. We’re looking at our weakest areas. No one is keeping me from taking care of myself other than me. I like to shop, but just being able to get 2-3 things a month seems to for the most part appease me. I would like to have more money to do things that I would like.

As to my rest and relaxation time … I would like to play and have fun which means un-structuring some of my time, but that is only by a degree. I like to write, but think freely. So writing would seem more structured just that thoughts are unencumbered. I live for the weekends to spend time around the house especially with Rich, but I like some private time too. I think I’m going to get plenty of vacation time when I go out fishing with Rich. I would like to take some time and go up to MN this year. Maybe we’ll schedule that in tonight. The better trip is always to go with Rich, but there is always the train. I would think Rich and I might take a week and bring the boat. Man – that be a good idea! He could go out with John.

Yup, yup this year I want to visit my mothers place.

In general I would like to work on family relation-ships with those two. There’s no reason we couldn’t take Rich’s boat up to see my sister too. I know that Mark could show him where to fish.

With rights … I pretty much know what that means, but I feel that I have more rights with Dr. Marvin than I do around Rich. I would like working on being a friendlier person and more mature, so when he is pushing me to do something I can tell him as an adult why we are going to or not to do what he is asking or insisting. This is going to take some trust on both the parts of rich and us. For the most part I know he’s doing things for safety, it’s just that sometimes, we figure it’s ok, to live a little on the edge. I know we should take our medicine on time; just we want to get it without being told! I know, I know … I can hear Rich saying that be wonderful if I were more responsible. But, see here? This is about where we get stubborn.

I would know where to go if I were in trouble. This brings up Dr. Marvin. I would like things to get just that much more trusting between us. I would like to have the conversations take on more meaning, but then I don’t know when they weren’t.

Just what’s meaningful to some of us doesn’t work with others.

Medically speaking, we’re pretty good as to being with Dr. Albright. She said we don’t have to come back until about 6 months. I haven’t the faintest when that means I should be going back. Maybe spring. I didn’t do everything she said though. We did go to the dermatologist about our hair, but she said get the Rogaine and our opinion there is we might as well go bald. I’m not willing to mess up the hair I have with that stuff twice a day for the rest of my life. That’s just unreasonable.

We did get the C-Pap thing checked and I think sometime this spring we’ll have to go back to checking that out, but we’ve been using it noticeably less especially when we’re in sleeping with Rich. I think it will be something left behind when we go fishing. I didn’t make it to the appointment where my eyes were being checked.

I’ll have to decide later what I’m going to do about these two appointments. But, in general as long as I get back to the diet and gym, I should be pretty good health wise. Rich is working on a change of diet to lose weight now, so it’s a good time like the rest of the world to focus on it with the New Year.

As far as my general satisfaction - I would like to be more attentive to the kids within reason to their interests and schedules. I would like to really secure our writing efforts so that they have what we have and we get all the books published by the end of the year. Pretty much this is to just establish a goal. There’s nothing going on this year beside wanting a house and getting on schedule at work. You know to be more professional.

I don’t like what is happening now in that the thought of writing is centering on getting a house. Just that both those areas are really strong and one seems to support the other. I noticed yesterday that the house out in Oswego which is already a built Buckingham has gone from 405, to 393, and now it is 379. I don’t know what’s going to happen with housing, but I know that we can’t even consider it until Rich finalizes his divorce.

Somewhere I think it’s ok to recognize that we started looking for a house long long time ago. It’s something I don’t think ever leaves people. We just have to next get Rich to realize we’re not going to be happy with the little cottages that he’s been pointing out. I think it’s just to irk me or get me to be thinking in proportion, but there’s some reality to it also that is scaring me. I think if we’re going to live in one of those little houses – a glorified mobile home, then I might as well stay where we are. I like having people do the snow and grass and fixing things as it comes up. I don’t think that’s all really Rich’s forte.

I do empathize with Rich and both of our realities. Neither of us has a lot of money and Rich really does want to retire not in debt. He keeps showing me these tiny houses and saying that he will be out of the house most the time. But, he doesn’t seem to understand that we just want to spend all our time at home writing.

What kind of place we are living in makes a big deal to us?

Ok, that’s about it for now. Rich the smoochybear has called and he’s waiting for us downstairs. More than anything else I want all our loves to be happy and safe.

We’re back! I’m not sure if I’m going to be here at the computer or sitting with Rich on the couch in a few moments, but we’re back from dinner. I had a nice potato and some ribs. There were a lot of extra, but it was the special at our Italian place. It was a real nice dinner. I also had a glass of wine and Rich had a diet coke. We talked into his second glass. I let him do the most talking and I took up our role of question person.

I think the most memorable conversation was that he talked more about his divorce in a pro-active way. He said that his lawyer is going back to court in a week or two to offer the settlement. I really don’t know how it all works out. I do know that they are hoping the wife takes the settlement and then the Judge lets it be over.

But, Rich is unable to give me much a sense of hope because he says it could go on and on if there isn’t agreement. He’s offering his wife more than necessary, so I think if she asked for more he’d negotiate that point.

I have at this point more of an idea he wants to be divorced. He talked about his stalling and his wife’s stalling, but mostly his. I think that’s what all that cloudiness was in our past conversations even into a bit of todays. He likes to paint it as being mystical almost as if there were no beginning or end. His thinking wasn’t real flexible and he had in mind what he wanted, but he wouldn’t get back to the lawyer when he needed to which was very frustrating for us. I want this part of our relationship to be over. I want to stand an equal rather than just being the other woman.

We talked about his vehicle too. I think he’s finally starting to look for something that will pull the boat, but he seems just as likely to add $1500 worth of stuff to his 180 thousand mile car so that it can tow. I don’t think he thinks he can get much for it, so it doesn’t matter if he drives it into the ground. I’m just looking at what’s going to be safer. I’m going to need to know the boats going to stop when he stops his car.

Hmm, now we’re crabby again. Rich during dinner said that when we got home he was going to call Bob to see if he wanted company at midnight and that we’d both go over. But, now he is home and he doesn’t want to call until 11 pm. So, then I turned around to type because I was frustrated at not being able to make plans, and then he turned on Star Trek that he knows I don’t like to watch, because he figured I’d be at the computer.

It’s 6 pm now. I don’t want to be dressed for the next 6 hours, because we might or might not go out.

Now I don’t know what to do … Going into the New Year is very important to me. I want to start things off in a good frame of mind. I don’t want to wait until midnight either to figure out if we’re going to get another glass of wine.

I think I’m going to go put on my pajamas.

posted by Ann Marie @ 1/01/2009 08:07:00 AM Comments: 0